Problem

#1

Jessica stretched out, her right arm straining to the absolute limit as her shoulder and bicep burned with the effort. Her fingers grazed the top of the hold once before gaining purchase and getting a grip the second time. It had been a lot of effort and left Jessica spread-eagled across the wall, her body pressed against it as she attempted to stay attached. Each of her feet were splayed out at right-angles on the top of the triangular footholds, the space they had to rest on being no more than a nickel in size. It wasn't a comfortable position to have to hold, but she was being forced to hold it as she tried to figure out a way to approach the next moves of the problem. All signs pointed towards her needing to smear across the wall itself, but that also meant she was only going to be holding on by her right hand as she made her way across which didn't seem right. Either way, she was stuck in a high-stress position so had to make a move at some stage, or else she'd just drop off the wall. Not being able to see any other option that seemed especially viable based on her position Jessica opted for the one-handed smear method and she put all her strength behind holding on to the handhold while pressing her feet against the wall. It went well for roughly two steps and then her hand started to slip, she tried to brace herself and adjust her grip but it didn't work and Jessica instead had to suffer the defeat of falling off the wall to the padded floor below with a cry of frustration.

"Not bad," Said Matt from where he was sat with a couple of others watching her. "Still need to figure out a better way to tackle that traverse." He continued as she picked herself up and looked back up at the wall. She and her group had been attempting the same problem for a few attempts and while they had made it past the first few movements they were all being stopped by the traverse. Jessica didn't say anything but returned to where the others were all sat and took her seat as the next person stepped up to try.

Despite the frustration of failing the problem on the same move repeatedly Jessica was happy to be back in the gym, as soon as she had heard it was reopening Jessica had been on a train into Boston to go and get some time on the walls. It felt good to be back and attempting problems again. During the lockdown, climbing had been completely absent from her life due to all the gyms and parks being closed so she had been at a loss for things to do in her spare time. She had hiking and skateboarding but they had never captured her imagination in the same way being able to get up on a wall had. Although her skateboarding ability had seen a dramatic improvement thanks to being one of the only activities she was able to actually practice.

Jessica sat with her back leant against the opposite wall and watched as everyone else tried and failed at the same point she had until it came around to her go again.

"Alright Jess, you're up." Matt announced as she dipped her hands into her chalk bag and rubbed them together. Stepping up to the wall she looked over all the holds again, searching for any new insights she would be able to acquire but the dark red plastic revealed nothing. The rest of the movements didn't seem that difficult, it was just the traverse. That knowledge that it would get easier didn’t help her in the moment though. “I think you might be able to make something happen if you try and get your foot over to the far left.” Matt said, pointing out a small crimp only suitable for standing on. Jessica nodded politely, although she had already seen the hold. “You could also try a dyno-“ Matt stopped as she glared at him. “Sorry, sorry, forgot our rule.” He said, hands up by his shoulders before stepping back and taking a seat with the others.

After taking a moment to breathe Jessica got back onto the wall. She didn’t mind people helping, but she didn’t appreciate people giving unsolicited advice. Matt was cool, she liked him, they were climbing friends and he understood that. There had never been any awkwardness, even with the fact he was older than her by a few years. The other two, Utami and Dez were also cool, Utami was around her own age, had colourful hair and was funny while Dez was a year older and new to climbing but eager to learn. He’d had a rough day as the problem they were attempting was way above his skill level. The other people that made up their main group she could take or leave with a couple of exceptions.

As she climbed Jessica played out the beat of a song she liked in her head. It helped with her concentration. She made the opening movements easily enough then she got the traverse again. She unconsciously bit at her lip as she stretched out across the wall for yet another attempt at the same movements but it was part of the experience. Then she slipped straight off and to the floor again.

"Goddamnit." She muttered, and let out a long sigh before returning to the others and lying down.

No other attempt even came close.

Jessica closed the door to her room behind her and dropped her backpack onto the floor before collapsing onto her bed. She wanted to scream or yell out, do anything. She imagined screaming curses at the top of her lungs until her voice gave out and her body broke down. But she didn’t. All she did was lie on her bed and stare at the ceiling, imagining the things she could have done but couldn’t bring herself to. Instead, she just stayed lying on the bed, her eyes taking in the details of her ceiling. She let out a sigh.

She had thought going back to the gym would have been a cathartic experience and it had been when she had first walked in, but that initial feeling had degraded over time. By the end, she had just been left with a frustrating experience she couldn't shake. Her climbing had gotten worse, she was sure of that. She felt like she could have and should have been able to get further on the final problem than she had done. Instead, she had just found herself walled out and it had even stopped being fun.

Her eyes roamed over the ceiling of her room, probing for any imperfections in the paintwork. She needed to shower but instead, she lay there, not doing anything but staring at the ceiling. She thought about messaging someone but couldn't think of anyone to message and what to even say. Her phone was picked up, unlocked, and put back down multiple times, and then eventually she forced herself back up and made her way to the bathroom.

She just needed to do something.