Guilt
Day 4, Night; Open
Guilt
(Karen Nguyen, continued from Top Ten Anime Betrayals)
After spending what seemed like an eternity of walking, Karen had found a place to rest. Unfortunately, the shelter she had found came with two corpses. Hesitant at first, Karen wasn’t sure if she wanted to take shelter in a room with the husks o that were once human beings. It felt wrong in a sense. As if she was disturbing their final resting place. Also, the smell was terrible. From the look of the area, there were signs of a struggle.
Cedar Dalaisy, Tull Talbott. Those were the names of the former classmates. They had been here for a couple days at most.
Karen ultimately decided she needed to stay safe and stepped inside the lab. After what had happened today, Karen felt a mix of guilt and sadness. If only she’d kept quiet about what Han said about Victor. And if she’d paid a bit more attention, she wouldn’t have let Han grab her gun, and Ashlee would still be alive. Karen didn’t trust Han anymore. But she also cursed her own lack of action.
After spending what seemed like an eternity of walking, Karen had found a place to rest. Unfortunately, the shelter she had found came with two corpses. Hesitant at first, Karen wasn’t sure if she wanted to take shelter in a room with the husks o that were once human beings. It felt wrong in a sense. As if she was disturbing their final resting place. Also, the smell was terrible. From the look of the area, there were signs of a struggle.
Cedar Dalaisy, Tull Talbott. Those were the names of the former classmates. They had been here for a couple days at most.
Karen ultimately decided she needed to stay safe and stepped inside the lab. After what had happened today, Karen felt a mix of guilt and sadness. If only she’d kept quiet about what Han said about Victor. And if she’d paid a bit more attention, she wouldn’t have let Han grab her gun, and Ashlee would still be alive. Karen didn’t trust Han anymore. But she also cursed her own lack of action.
Sometimes you missed early teenagehood, in all its viciousness and overblown obsessions. The days where you spend in some kind of trance-like haze and the days where you seemed hyper-aware and hyper-vigilant of everything, and the littlest mistakes set you off. You missed the play-dates in the ice rink where you look for their parent’s cars before you get down and greet your friends, and you missed the birthday afterparties where everyone has left and it’s just you and five or six other girls, huddled a little too close, giddy on the feeling of being older and its false promises, the allure. And at 2 am in those increasingly rare sleepovers where everybody is awake but pretending quietly not to be, you would gaze at their close-eyed faces for just a little too long, and when you all sit together in a circle and talk about the things teenage girls talk about, one of them would lean a little too close to tell you a secret and you could feel her hot breath on the shell of your ear for just a little too long, a little too warm.
Of course, You never actually never missed them. You were an isolated freak of a girl who spent half of your life locked up in Your room, where there were no girls to splash water over in backyard swimming pools and no ice cream to share in the little patio at the shopping mall. You had none of that. But you’ve heard stories about what other girls were like, and you thought it was kind of fun, but then there was all this messy drama and the shells they build around themselves and you’d be afraid.
In fact, the more time she spent on here, the more that she wished she was something more than herself. It was so dissatisfactory, honestly, sometimes, to be like this. A plant trapped in a pot, roots never growing beyond the 5x5 inch container and the leaves never reaching high enough to touch the ceiling of the little one story house from the windowsill. But she was nourished, and she was safe, and sometimes when she thought about it she felt good about herself. She was genuinely happy like this. She just wanted more. But she couln't be more. She couldn't be bright and adventurous the way that her characters are.
(Harietta was loud and glowing and ichor spilled from her very veins. Twenty three machines in her heart kept her body alive when it couldn't catch up to her soul anymore.)
And maybe she'll be fine with that.
...
There was a person in front of her, opening the door and coming in.
She looked up from her rations.
"Hi," Amy said, a little too loudly.
She didn't know the bodies, and it wasn't her fault, nor Prii's, so she just... did nothing. Didn't really bother with touching them. If she got sick, it would probably take a while. It was cold enough that a lot of bacteria would die.
Of course, You never actually never missed them. You were an isolated freak of a girl who spent half of your life locked up in Your room, where there were no girls to splash water over in backyard swimming pools and no ice cream to share in the little patio at the shopping mall. You had none of that. But you’ve heard stories about what other girls were like, and you thought it was kind of fun, but then there was all this messy drama and the shells they build around themselves and you’d be afraid.
In fact, the more time she spent on here, the more that she wished she was something more than herself. It was so dissatisfactory, honestly, sometimes, to be like this. A plant trapped in a pot, roots never growing beyond the 5x5 inch container and the leaves never reaching high enough to touch the ceiling of the little one story house from the windowsill. But she was nourished, and she was safe, and sometimes when she thought about it she felt good about herself. She was genuinely happy like this. She just wanted more. But she couln't be more. She couldn't be bright and adventurous the way that her characters are.
(Harietta was loud and glowing and ichor spilled from her very veins. Twenty three machines in her heart kept her body alive when it couldn't catch up to her soul anymore.)
And maybe she'll be fine with that.
...
There was a person in front of her, opening the door and coming in.
She looked up from her rations.
"Hi," Amy said, a little too loudly.
She didn't know the bodies, and it wasn't her fault, nor Prii's, so she just... did nothing. Didn't really bother with touching them. If she got sick, it would probably take a while. It was cold enough that a lot of bacteria would die.
Blood Tongue Nails Teeth
((continued from the fall))
Still together, but still no Mariya. Prii had an increasingly unsettling feeling in their stomach that searching was a fool's errand.
Amy suddenly said hi while Prii was stooped over their bag, sorting through the meagre supplies and avoiding thinking about those by circling back to their other stressors. For a second, they thought Amy was joking around, then remembered she didn't really do that, so far as they could tell. Prii straightened up into view.
Still together, but still no Mariya. Prii had an increasingly unsettling feeling in their stomach that searching was a fool's errand.
Amy suddenly said hi while Prii was stooped over their bag, sorting through the meagre supplies and avoiding thinking about those by circling back to their other stressors. For a second, they thought Amy was joking around, then remembered she didn't really do that, so far as they could tell. Prii straightened up into view.
"Oh!," Karen softly exclaimed. She hadn't realized that there were already live people in this room. Karen reached her hand to her pocket, where she kept her gun, but stopped short. Then she just awkwardly stood by the door, thinking of what to say.
"I didn't know there was anyone here," said Karen.
Karen's hand lowered from her pocket to her side. She relaxed her shoulders, trying to look non-threatening.
"Sorry, I just need a place to stay for the night," Karen said to the lab's patrons, "It's been a tough day. I saw someone die."
"I didn't know there was anyone here," said Karen.
Karen's hand lowered from her pocket to her side. She relaxed her shoulders, trying to look non-threatening.
"Sorry, I just need a place to stay for the night," Karen said to the lab's patrons, "It's been a tough day. I saw someone die."
"We didn't."
"See someone die, I mean."
Amy popped a cracker into her mouth, and then realized the stupid thing she just said.
"Oh my god I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Erm, I think we're only staying here for a while, since we need to find our friend. Right?" She looked to Prii, to see if she got it right. She wasn't very good at lying and deceiving, but she was even worse at knowing what to selectively tell and not tell. It was maddening to be careful. Amy's life was so bubble-wrapped that caution was just unnessesary and redundant outside of hot glue guns and box cutters. But then the girl's hand went towards her pocket or whatever it was, and it took her until after the hand had returned to its rightful place for her to realize that oh, gosh, that could've been a knife or a gun or something.
"Don't worry about us. We won't hurt you." She talked to the new girl as if she were a particularly shivery cat- not knowing if it would run or bite first.
It was difficult, navigating something like this. It was hard not to fall into the instinct of being herself- her honest, lonely, laissez faire self. And with every conversation she had she felt less and less genuine.
The level of distress, amnesia, and death-of-personality that follows the metamorphosis tend to get to them sometimes- did they kill their former caterpillar self? How do they catch up after months, if not years, of being stuck in a chrysalis? Does their body feel weird, even when other people praise it for its beauty, for its wings?
"See someone die, I mean."
Amy popped a cracker into her mouth, and then realized the stupid thing she just said.
"Oh my god I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Erm, I think we're only staying here for a while, since we need to find our friend. Right?" She looked to Prii, to see if she got it right. She wasn't very good at lying and deceiving, but she was even worse at knowing what to selectively tell and not tell. It was maddening to be careful. Amy's life was so bubble-wrapped that caution was just unnessesary and redundant outside of hot glue guns and box cutters. But then the girl's hand went towards her pocket or whatever it was, and it took her until after the hand had returned to its rightful place for her to realize that oh, gosh, that could've been a knife or a gun or something.
"Don't worry about us. We won't hurt you." She talked to the new girl as if she were a particularly shivery cat- not knowing if it would run or bite first.
It was difficult, navigating something like this. It was hard not to fall into the instinct of being herself- her honest, lonely, laissez faire self. And with every conversation she had she felt less and less genuine.
The level of distress, amnesia, and death-of-personality that follows the metamorphosis tend to get to them sometimes- did they kill their former caterpillar self? How do they catch up after months, if not years, of being stuck in a chrysalis? Does their body feel weird, even when other people praise it for its beauty, for its wings?
Blood Tongue Nails Teeth
Prii tilted their head and listened up until their input was requested. Amy was trying, they could tell that much, but in a signature move, she was fumbling a little. Prii wasn't sure if it was nervousness or something else.
They did their best encouraging smile and nod, though their eyes swiftly flicked back to Karen. Warning, warning, caution, crossing the room both ways. Trust, clearly, was in short supply.
Still, trust bred trust. Somebody just had to take the first step.
"Yeah, this is a pitstop.
"I'm sorry you had to see that. Do you... want to talk about it?"
Prii didn't, but that mattered a little less.
They did their best encouraging smile and nod, though their eyes swiftly flicked back to Karen. Warning, warning, caution, crossing the room both ways. Trust, clearly, was in short supply.
Still, trust bred trust. Somebody just had to take the first step.
"Yeah, this is a pitstop.
"I'm sorry you had to see that. Do you... want to talk about it?"
Prii didn't, but that mattered a little less.
"Well, alright," said Karen.
If what they said was true, then she didn't have to worry about them slitting her throat in her sleep. Karen entered the lab, closing the door behind her. She approached the pair, and took a seat.
"I met Karin Han at the sheriff's office on the first day," Karen began, "There was also Julia and Beatrice. Beatrice had an axe, and Julia was in the bathroom. Han, Julia, and I ran from the office and into town."
Karen sighed and took out a water bottle from her bag.
"After that," she continued, "We met some others at the hunting lodge. There was Ashlee, Victor, and Norbert. We stayed there for a day. Norbert left at one point. But, we stayed until the area was declared a danger zone."
Karen took a drink. She took a deep breath and exhaled.
"Before we left, Han told me and Julia that Victor had been watching the girls sleep. Looking back, she must have been lying. So, wanting answers, I confronted Victor about it. He didn't take it well. He grabbed Han by the collar and pushed her. And then, Han grabbed my gun and shot at him. But, she ended up hitting Ashlee."
Karen sighed heavily. Talking about what happened was making her stressed.
"I managed to get the gun out of Han's hands, but it was too late. Ashlee died. And since then, I've been travelling on my own," she finished.
If what they said was true, then she didn't have to worry about them slitting her throat in her sleep. Karen entered the lab, closing the door behind her. She approached the pair, and took a seat.
"I met Karin Han at the sheriff's office on the first day," Karen began, "There was also Julia and Beatrice. Beatrice had an axe, and Julia was in the bathroom. Han, Julia, and I ran from the office and into town."
Karen sighed and took out a water bottle from her bag.
"After that," she continued, "We met some others at the hunting lodge. There was Ashlee, Victor, and Norbert. We stayed there for a day. Norbert left at one point. But, we stayed until the area was declared a danger zone."
Karen took a drink. She took a deep breath and exhaled.
"Before we left, Han told me and Julia that Victor had been watching the girls sleep. Looking back, she must have been lying. So, wanting answers, I confronted Victor about it. He didn't take it well. He grabbed Han by the collar and pushed her. And then, Han grabbed my gun and shot at him. But, she ended up hitting Ashlee."
Karen sighed heavily. Talking about what happened was making her stressed.
"I managed to get the gun out of Han's hands, but it was too late. Ashlee died. And since then, I've been travelling on my own," she finished.
"Oh," Amy said.
She didn't know any of them. Karin, Julia, Beatrice, Viktor- all just syllabols with no meaning attached to them. If she thought hard enough, she could squeeze out a few inconsequential details- a face here, a rumor there, a girl in the bathroom complaining as she puts on makeup, a boy eating lunch by the stairs scowing into a phone and muttering.
Amy wondered why she didn't really feel that much because of that. Like she should be guilty or something, the way that a classmate would on the TV after they shot up the school. 'I wish I would've known.' But she didn't even know them, so how would she just... like, read their minds and figure out their evil machinations or whatnot?
One of her hands pressed indents to the other.
"OK. That's... yeah, I'm sorry that happened. We're... well, she's not dead, but we are looking for someone called Maria. So I, um, I understand your pain." She'd do anything for a real, nice heating system right now. Maybe a fireplace. And some hot chocolate with marshmellows.
Thinking about seeing someone die in front of her stressed her out a lot, so she tried to think about the hot chocolate with marshmellows. Or marshmAllows. Which... which was it, anyways? How do you spell it? She also wished for maybe a dictionary. nyways. It's going to be the home-made kind. With real blocks of chocolate, not the powdered kind. A glass of hot milk. She'd cut up the marshmellows, unless they're the super tiny mini ones, because even though she's usually too lazy for it that she felt like if there really was some hot chocolate here then she'd at least put in effort to make it the way she likes it. And she'd sit by the fireplace, looking at the lights flickering, and take a nice, foamy sip. And nobody would be there, and she'll be all nice and alone, except for maybe Prii, who would be quiet and maybe let her nap on their lap if there wasn't a pillow. She wondered if they'd let her, if she asked them. There'd be at least three squishies and a soft knitted blanket.
The air is dry and cold. She was shivering. She was wearing layers. They're indoors. Why was she shaking?
She didn't know any of them. Karin, Julia, Beatrice, Viktor- all just syllabols with no meaning attached to them. If she thought hard enough, she could squeeze out a few inconsequential details- a face here, a rumor there, a girl in the bathroom complaining as she puts on makeup, a boy eating lunch by the stairs scowing into a phone and muttering.
Amy wondered why she didn't really feel that much because of that. Like she should be guilty or something, the way that a classmate would on the TV after they shot up the school. 'I wish I would've known.' But she didn't even know them, so how would she just... like, read their minds and figure out their evil machinations or whatnot?
One of her hands pressed indents to the other.
"OK. That's... yeah, I'm sorry that happened. We're... well, she's not dead, but we are looking for someone called Maria. So I, um, I understand your pain." She'd do anything for a real, nice heating system right now. Maybe a fireplace. And some hot chocolate with marshmellows.
Thinking about seeing someone die in front of her stressed her out a lot, so she tried to think about the hot chocolate with marshmellows. Or marshmAllows. Which... which was it, anyways? How do you spell it? She also wished for maybe a dictionary. nyways. It's going to be the home-made kind. With real blocks of chocolate, not the powdered kind. A glass of hot milk. She'd cut up the marshmellows, unless they're the super tiny mini ones, because even though she's usually too lazy for it that she felt like if there really was some hot chocolate here then she'd at least put in effort to make it the way she likes it. And she'd sit by the fireplace, looking at the lights flickering, and take a nice, foamy sip. And nobody would be there, and she'll be all nice and alone, except for maybe Prii, who would be quiet and maybe let her nap on their lap if there wasn't a pillow. She wondered if they'd let her, if she asked them. There'd be at least three squishies and a soft knitted blanket.
The air is dry and cold. She was shivering. She was wearing layers. They're indoors. Why was she shaking?
Blood Tongue Nails Teeth
Jesus christ.
That had all fallen apart so easily? A couple of lies, a little paranoia, and a person was shot dead.
It shouldn't come as any kind of surprise. Quentine hadn't needed much provocation, had he?
Hearing it laid out so brutally kind of hit differently. Poor Karen. Poor all of them, honestly.
Amy offered brief condolences and Prii nodded along. "I know that's not something you just shake off, but if we can offer a little peace, here—" Prii paused, realising they'd been about to speak for Amy, which felt rude and—mm okay let's finish the sentence first, Prii. "I'm more than happy. For you too, Amy. You've earned a break."
Okay, back to that train of thought.
That Amy had been in the same room as a killer worried Prii. It fit together with what had happened in the graveyard in a pretty concerning way. She'd been almost apologetic over the gunfire, as if she was imposing on people by getting shot. They imagined the encounter with Josh wasn't dissimilar. To remain calm in the face of danger was great, to go placid was less great. They didn't want to push Amy down in the kind of way that just encouraged her to duck her head even more, not if it would put her in danger.
Prii was standing close enough to Amy to see the slight tremors in her. They took another step closer and dropped their voice slightly. "You okay?"
That had all fallen apart so easily? A couple of lies, a little paranoia, and a person was shot dead.
It shouldn't come as any kind of surprise. Quentine hadn't needed much provocation, had he?
Hearing it laid out so brutally kind of hit differently. Poor Karen. Poor all of them, honestly.
Amy offered brief condolences and Prii nodded along. "I know that's not something you just shake off, but if we can offer a little peace, here—" Prii paused, realising they'd been about to speak for Amy, which felt rude and—mm okay let's finish the sentence first, Prii. "I'm more than happy. For you too, Amy. You've earned a break."
Okay, back to that train of thought.
That Amy had been in the same room as a killer worried Prii. It fit together with what had happened in the graveyard in a pretty concerning way. She'd been almost apologetic over the gunfire, as if she was imposing on people by getting shot. They imagined the encounter with Josh wasn't dissimilar. To remain calm in the face of danger was great, to go placid was less great. They didn't want to push Amy down in the kind of way that just encouraged her to duck her head even more, not if it would put her in danger.
Prii was standing close enough to Amy to see the slight tremors in her. They took another step closer and dropped their voice slightly. "You okay?"
- PlatFleece
- Posts: 84
- Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 10:29 pm
((Maya Press continued from by talos this can't be happening))
A little while later, a more disheveled girl also came into view. Maya hadn't been walking very straight. It wasn't just that she was preserving her food, but she just couldn't walk properly after what she saw.
Maya heard voices up ahead. Probably other people, but she didn't register them until she was close to the door. A moment of focus overtook her. Maybe it was her survival senses, but Maya was at least aware enough to realize that if people were on edge, they might respond to a barged entrance by...
...shooting.
So she knocked on the door.
A little while later, a more disheveled girl also came into view. Maya hadn't been walking very straight. It wasn't just that she was preserving her food, but she just couldn't walk properly after what she saw.
Maya heard voices up ahead. Probably other people, but she didn't register them until she was close to the door. A moment of focus overtook her. Maybe it was her survival senses, but Maya was at least aware enough to realize that if people were on edge, they might respond to a barged entrance by...
...shooting.
So she knocked on the door.
There was a knock at the door. Karen tensed up as she directed her attention towards the new arrival. She thought about reaching for her gun. However, if this person had come to cause harm, it's unlikely they would have knocked first.
Just who were they? Karen kind of hoped it was Julia. She did just leave her with Han. If Julia were smart, she'd get away from Han, and maybe followed Karen. Or maybe it was Han, who Karen didn't want to see at all. She really hoped it wasn't Han, not after what she just went over with Prii and Amy.
"Who is it?," Karen asked.
Just who were they? Karen kind of hoped it was Julia. She did just leave her with Han. If Julia were smart, she'd get away from Han, and maybe followed Karen. Or maybe it was Han, who Karen didn't want to see at all. She really hoped it wasn't Han, not after what she just went over with Prii and Amy.
"Who is it?," Karen asked.
"Oh shoot," she said. And then realized that maybe she shouldn't have said shoot in a situation like this. "It's getting crowded in here!"
She wondered who it'll be. Maybe it would be someone she remembered, a name whispered in bathrooms between classes, a face seen in the yearbook or the local news. Maybe it'll be someone really really bad, like murdered-a-lot-of-people bad. She sure hoped not.
Amy was completely and slightly embarrassingly aware of how boring she is. Almost every other kid had their vice- they fought, or smoked pot at fourteen, or went on card wallet draining shopping sprees. They spread rumors or had sex far too young and or had a bad group of friends. Other kids did a lot of problematic, disappointing, and self destructive things. And, up to a certain point, the other kids were cool. It's good to have a socially acceptable amount of unacceptability, as long as it's passable as aesthetic or fun. All that Amy had was her daydreams and her lack of friends. That wasn't a vice, per se, not until someone takes into consideration her near addiction to disappearing into her fantasy worlds. Amy didn't have something visibly and attractively wrong with her, so she was boring instead, and, outwardly, she wasn't anything but. She was an ordinary girl with absolutely nothing too wrong with her. Nothing at all. If she were someone else in a room and hear a knock on the door, that hypothetical someone-else version of Amy would wish that the person outside would be totally unproblematic like Amy. That's how good she is at this not-being-a-terrible-person thing.
Anyways.
She swung back and forth a little, putting weight at different parts of her feet and leg. Then, she took a step forward, to the door, a question on the tip of the tongue, but- the girl beat her to it.
That's fine, too.
She could just say nothing.
She wondered who it'll be. Maybe it would be someone she remembered, a name whispered in bathrooms between classes, a face seen in the yearbook or the local news. Maybe it'll be someone really really bad, like murdered-a-lot-of-people bad. She sure hoped not.
Amy was completely and slightly embarrassingly aware of how boring she is. Almost every other kid had their vice- they fought, or smoked pot at fourteen, or went on card wallet draining shopping sprees. They spread rumors or had sex far too young and or had a bad group of friends. Other kids did a lot of problematic, disappointing, and self destructive things. And, up to a certain point, the other kids were cool. It's good to have a socially acceptable amount of unacceptability, as long as it's passable as aesthetic or fun. All that Amy had was her daydreams and her lack of friends. That wasn't a vice, per se, not until someone takes into consideration her near addiction to disappearing into her fantasy worlds. Amy didn't have something visibly and attractively wrong with her, so she was boring instead, and, outwardly, she wasn't anything but. She was an ordinary girl with absolutely nothing too wrong with her. Nothing at all. If she were someone else in a room and hear a knock on the door, that hypothetical someone-else version of Amy would wish that the person outside would be totally unproblematic like Amy. That's how good she is at this not-being-a-terrible-person thing.
Anyways.
She swung back and forth a little, putting weight at different parts of her feet and leg. Then, she took a step forward, to the door, a question on the tip of the tongue, but- the girl beat her to it.
That's fine, too.
She could just say nothing.
Blood Tongue Nails Teeth
- PlatFleece
- Posts: 84
- Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 10:29 pm
At least there was a response. Maya hadn't considered what she would do if they had started to just turn around and shoot her, but there was a response. These were likely (she hoped) reasonable people.
"It's... Maya. Can I come in? I just... need a place to rest up."
Her voice came out far more hoarse than she intended. She was tired, in shock, and hadn't had a good drink in an hour or so after what she had seen, nor had she stopped walking all this time. The time felt like it passed by too soon, though, from her point of view.
"It's... Maya. Can I come in? I just... need a place to rest up."
Her voice came out far more hoarse than she intended. She was tired, in shock, and hadn't had a good drink in an hour or so after what she had seen, nor had she stopped walking all this time. The time felt like it passed by too soon, though, from her point of view.
Maya. She was in debate club with Karen. So it was someone familiar, but that didn't necessarily made them trustworthy. Maya hadn't been mentioned on the announcements as a killer, so that was a point in her favor. Karen looked at Amy and Prii, then back at the door.
"Maya, it's Karen, from debate club," Karen responded, "You can come in. But no funny business."
"Maya, it's Karen, from debate club," Karen responded, "You can come in. But no funny business."