Mortimer stands at the restaurant patio with a man eating chicken wings.
"What is the best thing about Vegas?" Mortimer asks the man.
"Free ranch refills." the man tells him, while slathering a chunk of ranch dressing onto some wings.
Traveler's Guide to Las Vegas: Written by a Local Lunatic
Multi-shot displaced from any sense of time and space... (Content warnings found on top post)
Mortimer stands in front of a random vendor selling wigs.
"What is Vegas to you?"
"I think, I would have to say opportunity." the vendor said, to which Mortimer tries on some fake wigs.
Mortimer pulls out the severed chocolate head of the Statue of Liberty, putting some wigs onto her.
"How does my girlfriend look? What would she like?"
The vendor checks the wigs on the chocolate head. "I think she looks great with the brown frizzly hair."
"Good point. Now she looks more like a whore." Mortimer suddenly says.
"What is Vegas to you?"
"I think, I would have to say opportunity." the vendor said, to which Mortimer tries on some fake wigs.
Mortimer pulls out the severed chocolate head of the Statue of Liberty, putting some wigs onto her.
"How does my girlfriend look? What would she like?"
The vendor checks the wigs on the chocolate head. "I think she looks great with the brown frizzly hair."
"Good point. Now she looks more like a whore." Mortimer suddenly says.
Mortimer is at the street, where he gets a roll of duct tape and tapes the chocolate severed head of the Statue of Liberty onto a store mannequin without a head.
Nearby, a random old man watches him in disbelief, to which Mortimer sneers at him to get him to leave.
Mortimer whispers back to the head.
"Ignore them, they are just unappreciated of people like you. They are always looking for excuses to nitpick others..."
Nearby, a random old man watches him in disbelief, to which Mortimer sneers at him to get him to leave.
Mortimer whispers back to the head.
"Ignore them, they are just unappreciated of people like you. They are always looking for excuses to nitpick others..."
Mortimer tries to drag his "date" along, only to get looked at by a random man.
In response, Mortimer gets out the microphone and tries to do an interview.
"Hey, what is Vegas to you?"
The man doesn't say anything and tries to walk past Mortimer.
Mortimer starts to follow the man.
"Do you know where I can get some jumper cables?"
The man starts to run away, while Mortimer chases after him.
"Hey man, I know you have the information! I want to hook you up literally!"
The man never felt so terrified.
In response, Mortimer gets out the microphone and tries to do an interview.
"Hey, what is Vegas to you?"
The man doesn't say anything and tries to walk past Mortimer.
Mortimer starts to follow the man.
"Do you know where I can get some jumper cables?"
The man starts to run away, while Mortimer chases after him.
"Hey man, I know you have the information! I want to hook you up literally!"
The man never felt so terrified.
Mortimer violently bangs on the closed storefront with his microphone.
"Let me in! You are denying a fair customer, who is interested in your wares!"
Mortimer managed to crack the window of the door.
"Let me in! You are denying a fair customer, who is interested in your wares!"
Mortimer managed to crack the window of the door.
Mortimer holds out his microphone.
"What does Vegas mean to all of you?" Mortimer shouts.
He is currently in the middle of a traffic intersection. Most of the cars honk aggressively at him to buzz off.
"What does Vegas mean to all of you?" Mortimer shouts.
He is currently in the middle of a traffic intersection. Most of the cars honk aggressively at him to buzz off.
Mortimer manages to interview a well-dressed man.
"What is Vegas to you?"
"It's about the threads. I mean, look at this suit! I got this from Versace." the man presents the suit he is wearing.
"Fab."
"What is Vegas to you?"
"It's about the threads. I mean, look at this suit! I got this from Versace." the man presents the suit he is wearing.
"Fab."
Mortimer interviews another random man.
"What is Vegas to you?"
"I'm not a tourist here, I'm a local. But Bernie isn't." the man said.
"...Who the fuck is Bernie?"
The man lifts his shirt up to reveal his stomach. "Bernie is my pet tapeworm in my intestine."
Mortimer brings the microphone to the man's stomach.
"What is Vegas to you?"
The man's belly twitches.
Mortimer then notices something with the man's body. "Hey man, do you have ringworm or something?"
"I have a bunch of other worms, such as horse worms. I like to bathe in sewage, because this website told me that it's good against autism." the man said to Mortimer.
Mortimer just stands there in complete shock, looking briefly at the reader, before he mutters,
"What the actual fuck is wrong with you-"
"What is Vegas to you?"
"I'm not a tourist here, I'm a local. But Bernie isn't." the man said.
"...Who the fuck is Bernie?"
The man lifts his shirt up to reveal his stomach. "Bernie is my pet tapeworm in my intestine."
Mortimer brings the microphone to the man's stomach.
"What is Vegas to you?"
The man's belly twitches.
Mortimer then notices something with the man's body. "Hey man, do you have ringworm or something?"
"I have a bunch of other worms, such as horse worms. I like to bathe in sewage, because this website told me that it's good against autism." the man said to Mortimer.
Mortimer just stands there in complete shock, looking briefly at the reader, before he mutters,
"What the actual fuck is wrong with you-"
Mortimer, for some inexplicable reason, tries to interview his reflection at a window.
"What is Vegas to you?"
His reflection doesn't reply.
"Yeah, good answer." Mortimer suddenly smashes at the window.
"What is Vegas to you?"
His reflection doesn't reply.
"Yeah, good answer." Mortimer suddenly smashes at the window.
Mortimer asks another person.
"What is Vegas to you?"
"Man, I don't know. I was at the breakfast station, looking for fruit loops, and you dragged me out here to the street from the hotel."
"What is Vegas to you?"
"Man, I don't know. I was at the breakfast station, looking for fruit loops, and you dragged me out here to the street from the hotel."
Mortimer goes to another restaurant patio to ask another guy.
"What is Vegas to you?"
"Why isn't there more honey mustard here?" the guy seemed to have ignored Mortimer's question entirely.
"...Ok."
"What is Vegas to you?"
"Why isn't there more honey mustard here?" the guy seemed to have ignored Mortimer's question entirely.
"...Ok."
Mortimer goes to a part of the city, where several homeless people are at.
"What is Vegas to you?" Mortimer asks a guy with a can full of coins and dollars.
"Lost dreams. I don't know. Sometimes you arrive, thinking that you can be a big shot, but another day, you can lose it all. It's very precarious." the homeless man said to him.
"What do you view the thoughts on the amount of homeless here?"
"Well, just because they say that Las Vegas isn't on the top list for the largest amount of homeless, doesn't mean that people should ignore the issue. There's punks that look like you going out roughing up people who sleeps in tents." the vagrant mentioned.
"Let me guess. Rich kids?"
"It doesn't apply to those rich pricks. I'm talking any kid."
"I apologize for your circumstances and everyone else that are in similar conditions to you."
"I don't want your pity. You got those sovereign citizens off of their schizo meds, trying to set us on fire while yelling gibberish. Then, you got those influencers, who sees us as decoration. Who then go around saying that they plan to solve homelessness, despite seeing us as part of the street!"
Mortimer pauses, then decides to double down on a question. "How are those pigs doing with the homeless?"
"They hadn't arrested me for loitering, yet. But look at what they do in LA! Or better yet, San Diego!"
Mortimer thinks of something, before he continues.
"What are your thoughts on the Strat? You happen to know a kid named Levi Presley?"
"What is Vegas to you?" Mortimer asks a guy with a can full of coins and dollars.
"Lost dreams. I don't know. Sometimes you arrive, thinking that you can be a big shot, but another day, you can lose it all. It's very precarious." the homeless man said to him.
"What do you view the thoughts on the amount of homeless here?"
"Well, just because they say that Las Vegas isn't on the top list for the largest amount of homeless, doesn't mean that people should ignore the issue. There's punks that look like you going out roughing up people who sleeps in tents." the vagrant mentioned.
"Let me guess. Rich kids?"
"It doesn't apply to those rich pricks. I'm talking any kid."
"I apologize for your circumstances and everyone else that are in similar conditions to you."
"I don't want your pity. You got those sovereign citizens off of their schizo meds, trying to set us on fire while yelling gibberish. Then, you got those influencers, who sees us as decoration. Who then go around saying that they plan to solve homelessness, despite seeing us as part of the street!"
Mortimer pauses, then decides to double down on a question. "How are those pigs doing with the homeless?"
"They hadn't arrested me for loitering, yet. But look at what they do in LA! Or better yet, San Diego!"
Mortimer thinks of something, before he continues.
"What are your thoughts on the Strat? You happen to know a kid named Levi Presley?"
Mortimer sits at a bench, thinking of something with his microphone in his hand, to which another guy shows up, seeing how Mortimer looks depressed.
"You're alright, dawg?" the guy asks him.
Mortimer gets the microphone. "What's your thoughts on society?"
"What's society to you?"
"I need to blame society for my faults and shortcomings, because it doesn't improve."
"You're alright, dawg?" the guy asks him.
Mortimer gets the microphone. "What's your thoughts on society?"
"What's society to you?"
"I need to blame society for my faults and shortcomings, because it doesn't improve."
Mortimer goes to a salad bar in a restaurant to try to talk to people.
"What is Vegas to you?"
Mortimer tries to ask someone in front of him at the salad bar, but he changes the topic.
"How's the salad here?"
"Needs more croutons."
"What is Vegas to you?"
Mortimer tries to ask someone in front of him at the salad bar, but he changes the topic.
"How's the salad here?"
"Needs more croutons."
Mortimer is sitting against the wall at a building, until a random guy thinks he's homeless.
"Hey, can I take a picture of you?" the man asks him.
"What for? It's not like I'm home-" Mortimer doesn't get his say. The man just takes a quick selfie with him, before he walks off.
"Thanks!"
"Hey, wait a minute! HEY!" Mortimer gets up from the ground with his microphone.
"YOU NEED TO PAY ME FOR THAT!"
"Hey, can I take a picture of you?" the man asks him.
"What for? It's not like I'm home-" Mortimer doesn't get his say. The man just takes a quick selfie with him, before he walks off.
"Thanks!"
"Hey, wait a minute! HEY!" Mortimer gets up from the ground with his microphone.
"YOU NEED TO PAY ME FOR THAT!"