((Isabel Guerra continued from The Cavalry Arrives))
Everything was so dizzy. The collar was taken off of her neck and it felt strange to be without it. Lying near her was Mizore. Isabel let loose such a torrent of profanity and with the last of her diminished strength she lunged at the girl. Mizore had been with Raidon and it was Raidon who led to the death of her friends. He killed Roland. She just wanted someone to blame. Isabel wanted to blame someone who wasn't herself. She was no match for the people already on her who were only momentarily caught off guard by her sudden burst of energy. She was flattened, face pushed hard against the wood, scraping. A sharp little feeling pricked her and in fifteen seconds she was out.
You are being punished. You haven't learned anything, have you?
She woke up somewhere white. So dizzy. She couldn't form any train of thoughts other than "Hospital. Bad. Run." She didn't remember why it was or where she was supposed to run but the feeling was there strong, so she ripped the tubes attached to her. She swung out of bed and shakily stood, almost falling several times. Isabel took a deep breath and stumbled forward. She made it to the door and leaned out, trying to get the hallway into focus. Someone shouted and pointed. They saw her. She lurched forward and made it a few steps down the hall until someone caught hold of her. They returned her to the room and she was out again.
Isabel opened her eyes. It was very bright wherever she was. Her instinct was to cover her eyes but she found she couldn't. Her arms were strapped to the bed at the wrist, as were her legs at the ankles. She struggled and strained against the restraints and groaned. Someone had bandaged her arm; both her ankles where the cuts had been and she could feel a bandage on her right cheek. Isabel gave up trying to escape her bonds and lay back down. In the corner of the room she could see her bag and her old clothes. They brought her to a hospital like she'd specifically asked for them not to. How many days had she been out?
Someone was undoing the straps. A nurse looked down at her and smiled.
"Are you gonna behave, honey?"
Isabel tried to speak and some gravely garble came out.
"You've got a visitor," she said, motioning to the left. Isabel tried to move her head and winced painfully from the bruises on her neck.
Abre Los Ojos
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Ruggahissy
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She was awake.
Not the first time, not since she had made a run for it. Since then he'd visited her far more regularly, to be there when she was up again. And to make sure she didn't do something she might regret later.
Ray looked up when his presence was announced, drawn face and bloodshot eyes indicating a few sleepless nights. Hospitals already unsettled him, but after what had transpired he didn't even want to be in the building.
He smiled a little when she looked to him. He reached out to brush a strand of dark hair out of her face but he stopped himself, remembering her strict no-touching policy.
"Hey, girl. Thought'd you'd never open your eyes."
The nurse had finished the straps and turned to leave. Ray had assured her that if Isabel went to run again, she wouldn't get far this time. He pulled his chair closer to the bed so he could talk to that Hispanic girl easier.
"Can you talk?" He asked.
With one hand he idly stroked the stubble that was coming in on his face. They had given him supplies to shave, but since Isabel's flight he had done without.
Not the first time, not since she had made a run for it. Since then he'd visited her far more regularly, to be there when she was up again. And to make sure she didn't do something she might regret later.
Ray looked up when his presence was announced, drawn face and bloodshot eyes indicating a few sleepless nights. Hospitals already unsettled him, but after what had transpired he didn't even want to be in the building.
He smiled a little when she looked to him. He reached out to brush a strand of dark hair out of her face but he stopped himself, remembering her strict no-touching policy.
"Hey, girl. Thought'd you'd never open your eyes."
The nurse had finished the straps and turned to leave. Ray had assured her that if Isabel went to run again, she wouldn't get far this time. He pulled his chair closer to the bed so he could talk to that Hispanic girl easier.
"Can you talk?" He asked.
With one hand he idly stroked the stubble that was coming in on his face. They had given him supplies to shave, but since Isabel's flight he had done without.
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Ruggahissy
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Dave?
No.
"Ray?" she said hoarsely. He was sitting there near her bed as if he had been waiting. He must have been.
"How long have you been there?" she said, gaining back her voice. She immediately felt foolish. She blushed through her bandages.
There was water on a table near her good arm. Shakily, she reached for it and drank. The cool of the water did wonders for her.
"You shouldn't have......waited...." she said, trying to think through the haze.
"I don't deserve.....your.....waiting....I-I'm sorry, Ray. I'm sorry I yelled at you. You saved my life and I screamed at you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that they were coming to save us. We called for help and I couldn't tell you because you, because if something went wrong and they tortured us to find out how we did it, I didn't want you and, and, and Annaliese to- to be,"
She blinked at the room focused a little more. It became easier to remember, but the pain became sharper with it. Isabel took a deep breath and tried to sit up.
"I wanted to tell you sorry before I left."
No.
"Ray?" she said hoarsely. He was sitting there near her bed as if he had been waiting. He must have been.
"How long have you been there?" she said, gaining back her voice. She immediately felt foolish. She blushed through her bandages.
There was water on a table near her good arm. Shakily, she reached for it and drank. The cool of the water did wonders for her.
"You shouldn't have......waited...." she said, trying to think through the haze.
"I don't deserve.....your.....waiting....I-I'm sorry, Ray. I'm sorry I yelled at you. You saved my life and I screamed at you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that they were coming to save us. We called for help and I couldn't tell you because you, because if something went wrong and they tortured us to find out how we did it, I didn't want you and, and, and Annaliese to- to be,"
She blinked at the room focused a little more. It became easier to remember, but the pain became sharper with it. Isabel took a deep breath and tried to sit up.
"I wanted to tell you sorry before I left."
Ray's eyes went dim at the mention of Annaliese, but he held on to his tears. The more pressing matter was at hand, here and now.
"You didn't need to apologize for anything. Not a goddamn thing." He leaned in, rested his elbows on the side railing of the bed as he looked down at the prone girl.
"But I don't know where you plan going, other than home. You might have been the one managed to get us a ticket back. You earned your life back more than anybody, right?"
Big brother Ray. Or at least he tried to be. He'd fucked up three times. Had he lost another chance?
"What are you afraid of?"
"You didn't need to apologize for anything. Not a goddamn thing." He leaned in, rested his elbows on the side railing of the bed as he looked down at the prone girl.
"But I don't know where you plan going, other than home. You might have been the one managed to get us a ticket back. You earned your life back more than anybody, right?"
Big brother Ray. Or at least he tried to be. He'd fucked up three times. Had he lost another chance?
"What are you afraid of?"
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Ruggahissy
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She saw his expression fall. Isabel pulled herself up the rest of the way into sitting up with the power of her good arm.
"Oh, oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
Stupid stupid stupid. You made him sad. Oh and he told you to stop saying sorry!
"I've got everything to apologize for. Do you know how many people helped to make sure we could call for help? Tons. Dave, Helen, Winnie, Roland, Feo, Kitty and that Ethan kid who was dead when I got there. I was supposed to make sure they were safe. Roland told me to keep them safe and they're all dead now. I couldn't save even one. Hayley too, she was the only person who took me in back at St. Paul when I was all alone."
She lifted her almond eyes to look at the boy. She started at his arms, resting on her bed, climbing up to his tired face. Her arm curled under her, brushing past her now flat stomach, devoid of the baby fat she had before the island and gently feeling the bandages over her stab wound.
"I didn't earn anything. I helped a little and then I botched it. I tripped over the body of Helen right before the boats and got splattered in her still-warm blood. I'll go anywhere. I've only got a mother to go back to and I was a burden to her anyway. No family. St. Paul isn't really my home, I only lived there four years. I don't have a home. I don't have a place I grew up with notches in the wall that marked my growth. You've got everything to go back to. Me, a bunch of other people owe our lives to you....
The fact is, I'm the only one left out of the group who called STAR. If the terrorists wanted someone's head, it'd be mine. But.......no. It's not that. That's not what I'm afraid of."
Isabel let her hand drop and looked earnestly at Ray, right in the eye in a way that normally made her uncomfortable.
"If they say my name and they list me as a survivor, people are going to know that I went through this and they will recognize me. I don't want this to define me. I don't want to be known. This....this....Survival of the Fittest, I can't let it swallow me up, I can't make the book deals and go on the shows and have people point at me and tell me how strong and brave I was and how sorry they are for me. If I do that, I'll lose my life to this thing and then.....the terrorists have won anyway. I have to find a way to be happy again, and I can't do that with this life that I've been left with. I don't want to be a 'terrorism survivor' or a 'victim' or anything. I just want to be a girl. Isabel Guerra can't ever just be a girl again.
"Oh, oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
Stupid stupid stupid. You made him sad. Oh and he told you to stop saying sorry!
"I've got everything to apologize for. Do you know how many people helped to make sure we could call for help? Tons. Dave, Helen, Winnie, Roland, Feo, Kitty and that Ethan kid who was dead when I got there. I was supposed to make sure they were safe. Roland told me to keep them safe and they're all dead now. I couldn't save even one. Hayley too, she was the only person who took me in back at St. Paul when I was all alone."
She lifted her almond eyes to look at the boy. She started at his arms, resting on her bed, climbing up to his tired face. Her arm curled under her, brushing past her now flat stomach, devoid of the baby fat she had before the island and gently feeling the bandages over her stab wound.
"I didn't earn anything. I helped a little and then I botched it. I tripped over the body of Helen right before the boats and got splattered in her still-warm blood. I'll go anywhere. I've only got a mother to go back to and I was a burden to her anyway. No family. St. Paul isn't really my home, I only lived there four years. I don't have a home. I don't have a place I grew up with notches in the wall that marked my growth. You've got everything to go back to. Me, a bunch of other people owe our lives to you....
The fact is, I'm the only one left out of the group who called STAR. If the terrorists wanted someone's head, it'd be mine. But.......no. It's not that. That's not what I'm afraid of."
Isabel let her hand drop and looked earnestly at Ray, right in the eye in a way that normally made her uncomfortable.
"If they say my name and they list me as a survivor, people are going to know that I went through this and they will recognize me. I don't want this to define me. I don't want to be known. This....this....Survival of the Fittest, I can't let it swallow me up, I can't make the book deals and go on the shows and have people point at me and tell me how strong and brave I was and how sorry they are for me. If I do that, I'll lose my life to this thing and then.....the terrorists have won anyway. I have to find a way to be happy again, and I can't do that with this life that I've been left with. I don't want to be a 'terrorism survivor' or a 'victim' or anything. I just want to be a girl. Isabel Guerra can't ever just be a girl again.
The floodgates opened. A deluge of reasons, of arguments against Isabel's own worth came rushing out, and Ray listened, which was the best thing he could do. Some of the stuff made sense, he wouldn't lie. Other stuff didn't seem to hang together so well.
"I been in St. Paul a year," He stated, matter of factly. "I got home what I came to Minnesota with." He looked away, chewing his bottom lip. "Got a sister back home that needs me, you know? I just." He sniffed, hard, and shuddered with the effort of holding back a sob. "Just wished I coulda brought her another sister home. Thought I could."
He gripped the railing of the bed, turned to look out the door, then back to Isabel.
"You're none of those things. You're one of the girls that got to know Annaliese with me, just for a little bit." He gave a weak smile. "You helped me deal with my shit."
Against his better judgment he lightly rested the tip of his fingers on the back of Isabel's hand.
"If you come back I promise you'll have at least one friend in St. Paul you can count on."
"I been in St. Paul a year," He stated, matter of factly. "I got home what I came to Minnesota with." He looked away, chewing his bottom lip. "Got a sister back home that needs me, you know? I just." He sniffed, hard, and shuddered with the effort of holding back a sob. "Just wished I coulda brought her another sister home. Thought I could."
He gripped the railing of the bed, turned to look out the door, then back to Isabel.
"You're none of those things. You're one of the girls that got to know Annaliese with me, just for a little bit." He gave a weak smile. "You helped me deal with my shit."
Against his better judgment he lightly rested the tip of his fingers on the back of Isabel's hand.
"If you come back I promise you'll have at least one friend in St. Paul you can count on."
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Ruggahissy
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Isabel had plans, she supposed. She was going to run off to some far off city with no one in it, Barstow maybe, get a low level job, change her name, build a new life brick by brick all under the guise of being dead to the world as Isabel.
She would leave her parents and St. Paul and everything she'd ever known and pretend like it wasn't there.
Ray was in pain, but he wasn't going to run from it. He was going to go back because it was the right thing to do. Isabel had been planning to run, but what would that have made her? A coward, something she hated.
"I have to go back and face my mother. News of all this might have brought my father around too. Face them both. I'll always have to hide if I don't go back. Either live a happy lie or try to work through the pain of truth until that happiness is mine. You're right, I don't have to be any of those things and I can't.....I can't go on if I don't take this with me because it's part of me now."
She lowered her eyes to Ray's hand on hers and she did not flinch. She turned her hand upside down and grasped his hand in hers.
"I'll go back with you. I'll go talk to the families of the kids who made this possible and let them know what they meant to me and let them know the service their children did. I'll stay by your side and it'll be okay."
She took a deep breath and nodded.
She would leave her parents and St. Paul and everything she'd ever known and pretend like it wasn't there.
Ray was in pain, but he wasn't going to run from it. He was going to go back because it was the right thing to do. Isabel had been planning to run, but what would that have made her? A coward, something she hated.
"I have to go back and face my mother. News of all this might have brought my father around too. Face them both. I'll always have to hide if I don't go back. Either live a happy lie or try to work through the pain of truth until that happiness is mine. You're right, I don't have to be any of those things and I can't.....I can't go on if I don't take this with me because it's part of me now."
She lowered her eyes to Ray's hand on hers and she did not flinch. She turned her hand upside down and grasped his hand in hers.
"I'll go back with you. I'll go talk to the families of the kids who made this possible and let them know what they meant to me and let them know the service their children did. I'll stay by your side and it'll be okay."
She took a deep breath and nodded.
Her hand grasped his, and Ray squeezed it, wondering how many people had actually felt it's surface. The gesture was as powerful as anything she could have said.
"Thank you."
It felt like the last of his energy had been spent talking Isabel down, because it was impossible to keep his head up any longer. He guessed he could have returned to his room, but he didn't want to leave her just yet. He gently laid his head down until it rested on Isabel's blanket-clad thigh. It made as good a pillow as anything.
"Tired. Just gonna. Gonna stay here a minute f'it's alright with you." Just a minute, then he'd get back to his own bed.
He closed his eyes.
((Raymond Dawson continued in Now I lay Me Down to Sleep))
"Thank you."
It felt like the last of his energy had been spent talking Isabel down, because it was impossible to keep his head up any longer. He guessed he could have returned to his room, but he didn't want to leave her just yet. He gently laid his head down until it rested on Isabel's blanket-clad thigh. It made as good a pillow as anything.
"Tired. Just gonna. Gonna stay here a minute f'it's alright with you." Just a minute, then he'd get back to his own bed.
He closed his eyes.
((Raymond Dawson continued in Now I lay Me Down to Sleep))
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Ruggahissy
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Isabel's olive skin was tinged just a bit pink. Her eyes softened and she smiled down at the boy sleeping in her lap. There was some feeling in her chest, a lightness.
"Thanks right back," she said quietly. It was going to be okay. It might take awhile for it to be okay, but he gave her hope that one day with a lot of hard work, it could be. She could find peace as herself and she could help him find it too.
He taught her the lesson she was missing. Strength is admitting your faults and working through them instead of running away.
And maybe, together, they could learn to be kids again.
((Continued in Latin Girls))
"Thanks right back," she said quietly. It was going to be okay. It might take awhile for it to be okay, but he gave her hope that one day with a lot of hard work, it could be. She could find peace as herself and she could help him find it too.
He taught her the lesson she was missing. Strength is admitting your faults and working through them instead of running away.
And maybe, together, they could learn to be kids again.
((Continued in Latin Girls))