"I guess that's the best we can hope for," Cass said, bittersweet smile on their face. That was one upside of living in the information era - all of their internet presences would outlive them by a wide margin. Not forever, of course; social media networks and image hosting sites would grow and decay, bringing entire universes down with them when they failed. However, it was nigh-impossible to cleanse the web of a single image even if you wanted to, so traces would always remain, somewhere in the forgotten corners of the internet. Maybe, over the years, there had been people who liked Cass's art enough to try and save and preserve it, even if it was just for their own viewing. No one truly dies until their name has been forgotten and every trace of their existence wiped from the earth.
Cass's contemplation stopped in its tracks as Vanessa burst through the door with a greeting that was far too cheery to fit any mood; whether it be the prior melancholic conversation between Travis and themself, or even just the general appropriate behavior for someone who was gonna die. Was she mocking them, then, approaching with ill-intent and laughing to herself all the while? Cass would've liked to think that no one would have descended into sadism that quickly, but people always had the capacity to disappoint you.
That theory sunk when Cass saw Min-jae, standing behind Vanessa. He, frankly speaking, looked like absolute shit. Cass didn't know him well, beyond holding an admiration of his aesthetic whenever they crossed paths, but it was still alarming to see him injured so badly. The fact that Vanessa hadn't robbed him blind and dumped his body in a ditch probably meant neither were looking for a fight, at least.
All the same, their safe haven had finally been breached. Trav had been a stranger, but the scenery and dreamlike conditions of their meeting had combined to let Cass feel safe, to let them open up. Confronted with two relative strangers, Cass began to withdraw inside themself once more. "We're... existing," they said quietly.
Five Finger Death Punch
It had been fun while it lasted.
Now Trav and Cass had no choice but to engage with the game of death they found themselves in. Trav wasn't a fan of the idea. He didn't know Vanessa or Jae well if at all. They didn't hang around with similar people to him. Not that Trav was close friends with that many people at Cochise on the same point, he tended to only hang out with a few and was proper friends with less by his estimate. It wasn't that he was a loner or quiet, he was sure people didn't mind him being around. He just didn't see many people as his friend. Maybe it was a side-effect of the amount of training he did on a weekly basis; did his lack of friends mean he had wasted his high school years? Not the most positive thinking.
Vanessa seemed fine when you considered all the potential scenarios and ways things could go wrong. Jae on the other hand, was a mess. He'd been in a fight and from the look of it he had lost it to boot. The fact that both of them had come up to the roof together was a good sign. There wasn't much chance of them trying to start something when they had one and a half working bodies. Trav felt safe enough in the situation and his own abilities to feel comfortable.
"Not much, we've been sitting up here enjoying the sunrise. Looks like you guys have had a lot more happen this morning."
The part of Trav that actually thought about things was at work and it wanted to know who the threat was.
Now Trav and Cass had no choice but to engage with the game of death they found themselves in. Trav wasn't a fan of the idea. He didn't know Vanessa or Jae well if at all. They didn't hang around with similar people to him. Not that Trav was close friends with that many people at Cochise on the same point, he tended to only hang out with a few and was proper friends with less by his estimate. It wasn't that he was a loner or quiet, he was sure people didn't mind him being around. He just didn't see many people as his friend. Maybe it was a side-effect of the amount of training he did on a weekly basis; did his lack of friends mean he had wasted his high school years? Not the most positive thinking.
Vanessa seemed fine when you considered all the potential scenarios and ways things could go wrong. Jae on the other hand, was a mess. He'd been in a fight and from the look of it he had lost it to boot. The fact that both of them had come up to the roof together was a good sign. There wasn't much chance of them trying to start something when they had one and a half working bodies. Trav felt safe enough in the situation and his own abilities to feel comfortable.
"Not much, we've been sitting up here enjoying the sunrise. Looks like you guys have had a lot more happen this morning."
The part of Trav that actually thought about things was at work and it wanted to know who the threat was.
"Existing's not bad," Jae replied to Cass in lieu of a greeting. "Better than the alternative, probably." He knew people who might argue that point, jokingly or not, but he didn't know if Cass was one of them. They didn't talk much, though he saw her frequently in the art wing and was just as frequently envious of her painting skill. She was quiet and had never caused him trouble; given that Vanessa was currently his favorite encounter so far on the basis of not stealing his stuff and leaving him for dead, Cass not being the sort to cause trouble was enough to elevate her a fair bit in Jae's estimation.
Either way, she had ample opportunity up here to remedy the issue of existing and evidently hadn't done so, which was as good an indication as any that she was still stable and sane.
Travis was more of a mystery, but he seemed chill. Probably all that they could ask for. Hell, for all Jae knew, Trav and Cass had a thing going on and he and Vanessa had just interrupted a moment between them. Should he apologize just in case that was what had happened here? That might just make things awkward whether his guess was right or not.
Jae hobbled further out to stand next to Vanessa so that he wasn't leaning halfway out of the stairwell in order to talk to everyone. "Yeah, you could say that," he said to Travis. "I think I'd have liked it better if it was boring." He glanced out over the sloping roof tiles and debated the merits of trying to sit down with his immobilized leg. "Nice view," he remarked absently.
Either way, she had ample opportunity up here to remedy the issue of existing and evidently hadn't done so, which was as good an indication as any that she was still stable and sane.
Travis was more of a mystery, but he seemed chill. Probably all that they could ask for. Hell, for all Jae knew, Trav and Cass had a thing going on and he and Vanessa had just interrupted a moment between them. Should he apologize just in case that was what had happened here? That might just make things awkward whether his guess was right or not.
Jae hobbled further out to stand next to Vanessa so that he wasn't leaning halfway out of the stairwell in order to talk to everyone. "Yeah, you could say that," he said to Travis. "I think I'd have liked it better if it was boring." He glanced out over the sloping roof tiles and debated the merits of trying to sit down with his immobilized leg. "Nice view," he remarked absently.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
"Sure is." Vanessa nodded in agreement to Jae, carefully stepping out onto the roof to get a better look at both the view and her new company.
As she'd already acknowledged, they weren't familiar faces. Cass was someone who kept to herself a lot and had never really done much of anything to catch Vanessa's interest. Travis came across a bit more outspoken, but again they moved in different circles. He had a pretty good bod though, she'd give him that.
She pondered: three out of four people she'd met so far had not been people she knew well. It was almost a little weird to actually think about how many people you saw at school every day without knowing anything about them. Weirder still to think she was in a situation where that could end up putting a bullet in her face.
She decided again to put that thought out of her mind. If nothing else, Trav and Cass hadn't tried to maul the other half of Jae's face off, so that was a good start. More to the point, she didn't want to become paranoid and start second guessing everyone she met. That was probably exactly what those terrorist pricks wanted.
"Been a hella morning, though, you're right there." She smirked, moving closer to the other two but still not quite sitting, not quite able to relax. She was holding the table leg casually draped in her left hand, oblivious to how it might've looked. "You guys know some blue haired chick named Nancy? She was not taking this whole thing well." Oh yeah, because freaking out about being abducted by terrorists was so unreasonable. Vanessa had to admit that she had grown just a little bit concerned about her; she hoped that Nancy hadn't ran into some trouble after bolting out of the staff lounge.
"Not as bad as Alvaro Vacanti's doing though, as my fucked up friend here demonstrates."
She gestured at her travelling companion with a flourish, as if Jae was her lovely assistant on a stage in Vegas.
As she'd already acknowledged, they weren't familiar faces. Cass was someone who kept to herself a lot and had never really done much of anything to catch Vanessa's interest. Travis came across a bit more outspoken, but again they moved in different circles. He had a pretty good bod though, she'd give him that.
She pondered: three out of four people she'd met so far had not been people she knew well. It was almost a little weird to actually think about how many people you saw at school every day without knowing anything about them. Weirder still to think she was in a situation where that could end up putting a bullet in her face.
She decided again to put that thought out of her mind. If nothing else, Trav and Cass hadn't tried to maul the other half of Jae's face off, so that was a good start. More to the point, she didn't want to become paranoid and start second guessing everyone she met. That was probably exactly what those terrorist pricks wanted.
"Been a hella morning, though, you're right there." She smirked, moving closer to the other two but still not quite sitting, not quite able to relax. She was holding the table leg casually draped in her left hand, oblivious to how it might've looked. "You guys know some blue haired chick named Nancy? She was not taking this whole thing well." Oh yeah, because freaking out about being abducted by terrorists was so unreasonable. Vanessa had to admit that she had grown just a little bit concerned about her; she hoped that Nancy hadn't ran into some trouble after bolting out of the staff lounge.
"Not as bad as Alvaro Vacanti's doing though, as my fucked up friend here demonstrates."
She gestured at her travelling companion with a flourish, as if Jae was her lovely assistant on a stage in Vegas.
"Smile. The world's not ending just yet."
Neither Vanessa nor Jae seemed inclined to back away with a laugh and an awkward apology for intruding, so Cass supposed they'd just have to live with their presence. "Live" being the operative word, there. Cass tensed up a little as the two drew closer; no need for a fight if you can just speak softly, get real close, then shove someone off of a roof and laugh when they hit the pavement. Cass quickly dismissed that line of thinking as both uncomfortable and unproductive, and Jae did seem legitimately friendly; but they still scooched away from the edge just to be safe.
Trav didn't seem too worried, which did make Cass feel better. It was a small upside, at least, now that they had been forced to actually think about worst case scenarios instead of immediately dismissing them and staring at the sky. Years of biking meant that Cass wasn't exactly out of shape, but they had never even taken a self-defense class. Given Trav's evident passion for MMA, he'd be a lot more useful to have around in a fight.
Cass realized with a mental start they had already slipped, had already started thinking in lists of possible helpful and harmful traits instead of people. Despicable.
It seemed like a much better idea to forget the ramifications of that for the moment, and just try to focus on Vanessa's words, not that they were any prettier. Cass frowned as she mentioned Nancy's fear, along with the clear psychotic break Alvaro must have suffered to try (and, evidently succeed) to fuck up Jae like that. Human misery and desperation were beautiful when they lived on a canvas, but it hurt Cass to think of all their classmates who were already broken, whether it be physically or mentally. They tried to picture their faces in their mind - You couldn't deny Nancy's enthusiasm for... whatever it was she did, and Cass had occasionally visited the cafe where Alvaro worked. It was both easy and very hard to imagine either of them being pushed to their breaking points.
Well, that was three people fucked already, tentatively excluding Vanessa from the count; and that's just the ones they had heard about. Cass knew that similar situations had to be already breaking out all over the island. Not as many as there would be later, no, but friend would still turn against friend, self-absorbed bastards wouldn't think twice about putting their own survival before any definition of morality. Good people would die.
"Well, we're safe and alive for the moment. That's something, at least," Cass said, looking down at the roof beneath them. If they gazed into Jae's, or Vanessa's, or even Trav's eyes, what would they find there, now that the effects of the island had come knocking? They didn't want to know the answer.
Trav didn't seem too worried, which did make Cass feel better. It was a small upside, at least, now that they had been forced to actually think about worst case scenarios instead of immediately dismissing them and staring at the sky. Years of biking meant that Cass wasn't exactly out of shape, but they had never even taken a self-defense class. Given Trav's evident passion for MMA, he'd be a lot more useful to have around in a fight.
Cass realized with a mental start they had already slipped, had already started thinking in lists of possible helpful and harmful traits instead of people. Despicable.
It seemed like a much better idea to forget the ramifications of that for the moment, and just try to focus on Vanessa's words, not that they were any prettier. Cass frowned as she mentioned Nancy's fear, along with the clear psychotic break Alvaro must have suffered to try (and, evidently succeed) to fuck up Jae like that. Human misery and desperation were beautiful when they lived on a canvas, but it hurt Cass to think of all their classmates who were already broken, whether it be physically or mentally. They tried to picture their faces in their mind - You couldn't deny Nancy's enthusiasm for... whatever it was she did, and Cass had occasionally visited the cafe where Alvaro worked. It was both easy and very hard to imagine either of them being pushed to their breaking points.
Well, that was three people fucked already, tentatively excluding Vanessa from the count; and that's just the ones they had heard about. Cass knew that similar situations had to be already breaking out all over the island. Not as many as there would be later, no, but friend would still turn against friend, self-absorbed bastards wouldn't think twice about putting their own survival before any definition of morality. Good people would die.
"Well, we're safe and alive for the moment. That's something, at least," Cass said, looking down at the roof beneath them. If they gazed into Jae's, or Vanessa's, or even Trav's eyes, what would they find there, now that the effects of the island had come knocking? They didn't want to know the answer.
Alvaro huh? That was surprising since Alvaro was five four and weighed all of nothing. Regardless Trav filed the information away, he was confident he would be able to deal with Alvaro in a straight fight but it all depended on what weapon he had. Trav couldn't safely say whether he'd be able to deal with an Alvaro that had a knife or bat, as for a gun...Trav knew better than to try.
"Yeah, no kidding." Trav said, he was adding people to lists in his head. Alvaro was going under 'Nuts' and 'Danger'; Nancy got away with just a 'Nuts'. Unbeknownst to him Cass was doing something similar. Vanessa seemed relatively relaxed and calm considering the state Jae was in. Trav wasn't trying to be a downer or anything but Jae had a wounded deer look about him with the damage he had taken. That wasn't Trav's concern though, he had no desire to cause harm.
The more depressing fact was that people had already turned to fighting and trying to kill in the time it had taken the sun to rise. It was a strange concept to consider that while he and Cass had been watching that sunrise some of their class could have died. It was...weird.
Trav was still sat there, water bottle in one hand. He took another quick sip and looked at Vanessa, table leg in her left hand clearly visible.
"You guys missed a hell of a sunrise."
"Yeah, no kidding." Trav said, he was adding people to lists in his head. Alvaro was going under 'Nuts' and 'Danger'; Nancy got away with just a 'Nuts'. Unbeknownst to him Cass was doing something similar. Vanessa seemed relatively relaxed and calm considering the state Jae was in. Trav wasn't trying to be a downer or anything but Jae had a wounded deer look about him with the damage he had taken. That wasn't Trav's concern though, he had no desire to cause harm.
The more depressing fact was that people had already turned to fighting and trying to kill in the time it had taken the sun to rise. It was a strange concept to consider that while he and Cass had been watching that sunrise some of their class could have died. It was...weird.
Trav was still sat there, water bottle in one hand. He took another quick sip and looked at Vanessa, table leg in her left hand clearly visible.
"You guys missed a hell of a sunrise."
"Looks like it. Too bad it seems like the clouds are coming in." Jae maneuvered himself to sit on the nearest flat surface with a grunt. Just sitting here for a while sounded alright. The lingering fatigue from everything that had transpired before hadn't been helped by the difficult climb up the stairs, fresh air was nice, and nobody here seemed inclined to try and push him off the roof. It was as good as anything.
Jae liked sunrises; he tended to be an early riser, and one of his bedroom windows had a pretty nice view of the backyard and the treeline beyond it. Getting up early, pausing his morning routine for just a moment to watch the light creep up and spill through the leaves and over the rooftops of neighboring houses in a soft wave of orange and peach and gold... If he closed his eyes, he could picture it as vividly as if he were still standing at the window at home.
Home.
There was a jolt and a sudden squeezing in his chest and everything hit him all at once all over again. God, he wanted to be home. Did anyone back in Kingman know they were missing yet? Had the authorities been notified? Did his parents suspect what had really happened to him?
Were they seeing this?
Jae had a fleeting, terrible vision of his parents' faces when they got the news. No crying, no arguing. Just pale, waxy masks of shock, the same way Dad had looked back during the earliest, worst onset of Mom's illness, back before they had a sure diagnosis. At ten years old, Jae had known a kid or two who had lost a parent, and he'd held a terrified certainty that he was about to experience the same. Even after they knew what they were dealing with and Jae's parents had sat him down to explain what exactly multiple sclerosis meant and why he shouldn't worry too much, the fear had lingered. Every now and again, when his mother had a particularly bad flare-up and was reduced to taking time off work and being pushed about in a wheelchair, it would come back. The episodes were irregular, with no one thing pinpointed as the cause. Stress made it worse, though.
Say, the stress of knowing that your only child had been abducted and you'd probably never see them again. The stress of following a link on a shady website to a probably-illegal video stream and seeing that child attacked and bloodied and beaten, and knowing how much lower their chances had just become.
Maybe they weren't watching, though. Maybe they hadn't dared, had instead retreated, Mom to her meditation room and Dad to the office, and they wouldn't know anything for sure until some news outlet or betting list or fuck knew what popped his name up as another casualty.
Or until he came home.
Jae hadn't realized that he'd even opened the inside pocket of his jacket and fished out his pack of cigarettes until one was between his lips and he was fumbling with his lighter. Mom had her meditation room and Dad had work. Jae had his own methods of stress relief. Mm, nicotine.
Even as he lit up and took a drag, he was vaguely aware of the cameras near them, zooming in on his movements, putting his illicit substance use out there for the whole world to see. He hoped that if his parents really were watching, they still had it in them to be at least mildly outraged at the sight of him smoking. Moral outrage was better than being sick with worry or resignation.
Jae held the pack of cigarettes up in the general direction of Vanessa and the others. "Smoke?" He offered to nobody in particular, seeking to put himself back in the midst of conversation to distract from his tangled thoughts.
Jae liked sunrises; he tended to be an early riser, and one of his bedroom windows had a pretty nice view of the backyard and the treeline beyond it. Getting up early, pausing his morning routine for just a moment to watch the light creep up and spill through the leaves and over the rooftops of neighboring houses in a soft wave of orange and peach and gold... If he closed his eyes, he could picture it as vividly as if he were still standing at the window at home.
Home.
There was a jolt and a sudden squeezing in his chest and everything hit him all at once all over again. God, he wanted to be home. Did anyone back in Kingman know they were missing yet? Had the authorities been notified? Did his parents suspect what had really happened to him?
Were they seeing this?
Jae had a fleeting, terrible vision of his parents' faces when they got the news. No crying, no arguing. Just pale, waxy masks of shock, the same way Dad had looked back during the earliest, worst onset of Mom's illness, back before they had a sure diagnosis. At ten years old, Jae had known a kid or two who had lost a parent, and he'd held a terrified certainty that he was about to experience the same. Even after they knew what they were dealing with and Jae's parents had sat him down to explain what exactly multiple sclerosis meant and why he shouldn't worry too much, the fear had lingered. Every now and again, when his mother had a particularly bad flare-up and was reduced to taking time off work and being pushed about in a wheelchair, it would come back. The episodes were irregular, with no one thing pinpointed as the cause. Stress made it worse, though.
Say, the stress of knowing that your only child had been abducted and you'd probably never see them again. The stress of following a link on a shady website to a probably-illegal video stream and seeing that child attacked and bloodied and beaten, and knowing how much lower their chances had just become.
Maybe they weren't watching, though. Maybe they hadn't dared, had instead retreated, Mom to her meditation room and Dad to the office, and they wouldn't know anything for sure until some news outlet or betting list or fuck knew what popped his name up as another casualty.
Or until he came home.
Jae hadn't realized that he'd even opened the inside pocket of his jacket and fished out his pack of cigarettes until one was between his lips and he was fumbling with his lighter. Mom had her meditation room and Dad had work. Jae had his own methods of stress relief. Mm, nicotine.
Even as he lit up and took a drag, he was vaguely aware of the cameras near them, zooming in on his movements, putting his illicit substance use out there for the whole world to see. He hoped that if his parents really were watching, they still had it in them to be at least mildly outraged at the sight of him smoking. Moral outrage was better than being sick with worry or resignation.
Jae held the pack of cigarettes up in the general direction of Vanessa and the others. "Smoke?" He offered to nobody in particular, seeking to put himself back in the midst of conversation to distract from his tangled thoughts.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
"Don't mind if I do." Vanessa nodded at Jae, taking the cigarette from him as he lit it up for her. Mm, nicotine.
Truth be told Vanessa wasn't actually that much of a smoker, but she wasn't going to say no to something to chill her out at a time like this. Underneath the cool exterior she'd been presenting to everyone else, the fact that they were in a life or death situation was not lost on her.
Looking out from beyond the rooftop and to the island, Vanessa took advantage of the quiet to reflect. It was still hard to swallow that she was standing where she was; you heard about kids being abducted and put in these things, but you'd never think it would've happened to you. Kingman wasn't exactly the centre of attention of the world, and you wouldn't think it would be the first choice for an act of terror. Just her luck, she figured.
So there she was, stood on a rooftop with three people she'd never talk to otherwise. One of them was half crippled, and all her classmates were running around below trying to do the same, if not worse, to each other. It was insane.
She couldn't stop herself: what started as a quiet chuckle devolved into a mad laugh.
"This is some fucking bullshit. We're going stand here and admire the view when we're supposed to be running around trying to fucking kill each other?"
She was still laughing.
"Fuckin' aye, what kind of joke is this supposed to be?"
Truth be told Vanessa wasn't actually that much of a smoker, but she wasn't going to say no to something to chill her out at a time like this. Underneath the cool exterior she'd been presenting to everyone else, the fact that they were in a life or death situation was not lost on her.
Looking out from beyond the rooftop and to the island, Vanessa took advantage of the quiet to reflect. It was still hard to swallow that she was standing where she was; you heard about kids being abducted and put in these things, but you'd never think it would've happened to you. Kingman wasn't exactly the centre of attention of the world, and you wouldn't think it would be the first choice for an act of terror. Just her luck, she figured.
So there she was, stood on a rooftop with three people she'd never talk to otherwise. One of them was half crippled, and all her classmates were running around below trying to do the same, if not worse, to each other. It was insane.
She couldn't stop herself: what started as a quiet chuckle devolved into a mad laugh.
"This is some fucking bullshit. We're going stand here and admire the view when we're supposed to be running around trying to fucking kill each other?"
She was still laughing.
"Fuckin' aye, what kind of joke is this supposed to be?"
"Smile. The world's not ending just yet."
Trav's comment hit Cass a lot harder than he had probably intended. Cass hadn't missed the sunrise, but it was still over and done with, wasn't it? How many more would Cass live to see? Would this be their last? Cass's remaining time as a living, breathing human person was constantly slipping away; each moment bringing another unceremonious "last" along with it. The hourglass of their life had been crushed by a sledgehammer, leaving only a single shard.
Jae had sat down, meaning that any hope of Cass feeling safe again was long gone, but at least it removed most ambiguity about if he was gonna try anything. Cass had spent enough of their life shifting uncomfortably in their seat, surrounded by strangers; so it only stood to reason that they wouldn't be truly free from it even during their last days.
They seriously considered his offer of a cig, but only for a moment. Cass had always admired its aesthetic purposes; painting scenes of listless self-destruction filtered through a smoky haze, wistfully staring at the horizon the plumes you blew flew off to, far, far out of your reach.
Cass had tried a pack once, after they turned 18. It was fucking gross. Some things are best kept on a conceptual level, neatly separated from your own, personal existence. They supposed here, at least, someone with more of an action hero's mindset could make a clever quip about hey, at least I don't have to worry about the cancer killing me anymore! Raucous laughter all around, followed shortly by gunfire.
When Vanessa started laughing, all that Cass could do was stare awkwardly at her, wondering if she was having a breakdown or just coping with the situation in a very distressing way. They couldn't take it. "Got something else you'd rather be doing? 'Cause I'm pretty alright with where we're at right now," Cass said quietly. Didn't want to seem confrontational.
Jae had sat down, meaning that any hope of Cass feeling safe again was long gone, but at least it removed most ambiguity about if he was gonna try anything. Cass had spent enough of their life shifting uncomfortably in their seat, surrounded by strangers; so it only stood to reason that they wouldn't be truly free from it even during their last days.
They seriously considered his offer of a cig, but only for a moment. Cass had always admired its aesthetic purposes; painting scenes of listless self-destruction filtered through a smoky haze, wistfully staring at the horizon the plumes you blew flew off to, far, far out of your reach.
Cass had tried a pack once, after they turned 18. It was fucking gross. Some things are best kept on a conceptual level, neatly separated from your own, personal existence. They supposed here, at least, someone with more of an action hero's mindset could make a clever quip about hey, at least I don't have to worry about the cancer killing me anymore! Raucous laughter all around, followed shortly by gunfire.
When Vanessa started laughing, all that Cass could do was stare awkwardly at her, wondering if she was having a breakdown or just coping with the situation in a very distressing way. They couldn't take it. "Got something else you'd rather be doing? 'Cause I'm pretty alright with where we're at right now," Cass said quietly. Didn't want to seem confrontational.
Trav shook his head and waved off Jae's request. He hadn't smoked before; he wasn't going to start now. It seemed too much like giving up. If the others wanted too, that was fine with him. He didn't like the idea of smoking to begin with and the fact that its status as the one of the deadliest substances but was still legal struck as the type of thing the terrorists were probably all about. He could also imagine the great irony of a smoker winning the game and then going on to die of lung cancer. A result of the mix of PTSD and cigarettes used to calm the nerves...god that was depressing. There was probably some fancy word to describe something like that but philosophy had never been one of Trav's strong points.
Vanessa's laughing caught his attention. It wasn't a friendly or happy noise. There was a harsh edge to it. He would have had more of a response but Cass had already answered the other girls' questions. He wasn't sure what Vanessa's point was supposed to be or what she wanted them to do instead. There weren't many options when you got to down to it. There was:
Hole up
Find your friends
Kill your classmates
Kill yourself
Escape
Those were all the options that were presented to you and while Trav was sure there was the potential for deviation from that outline he didn't see many other big picture options. That and all of them had a ninety percent chance of ending the same way.
This was the problem with people ruining your personal peace.
He shrugged in Vanessa's direction.
"What Cass said. May as well make the most of everything right?"
Vanessa's laughing caught his attention. It wasn't a friendly or happy noise. There was a harsh edge to it. He would have had more of a response but Cass had already answered the other girls' questions. He wasn't sure what Vanessa's point was supposed to be or what she wanted them to do instead. There weren't many options when you got to down to it. There was:
Hole up
Find your friends
Kill your classmates
Kill yourself
Escape
Those were all the options that were presented to you and while Trav was sure there was the potential for deviation from that outline he didn't see many other big picture options. That and all of them had a ninety percent chance of ending the same way.
This was the problem with people ruining your personal peace.
He shrugged in Vanessa's direction.
"What Cass said. May as well make the most of everything right?"
"Vans..." Vanessa's nickname was hardly more than another exhale full of smoke, all the things Jae wanted to say wrapped up in the fact that he didn't know how to say any of them. Her harsh, humorless laughter was unnerving, though it didn't rattle him as much as it seemed to affect Travis and Cass. He had already screamed and fought and bled today. Vanessa letting on that the situation was actually getting to her was hardly the most distressing thing he'd seen or heard so far.
Not that it was helping him get his thoughts straight, either. Jae supposed that he envied Cass and Trav their little rooftop sanctuary and the short-lived peace it had brought them before he and Vanessa and the ugliness of the real world invaded it. They were a reminder of what this place was and what they'd been put here to do. Hell, he was going to be a (barely) walking reminder of that forever now, wasn't he?
"It is a fucking sick joke, isn't it," he said finally. And wasn't it, really? If someone had told him even yesterday that he was going to wake up in an abandoned mental hospital, he'd have called them crazy. If someone had tried to tell him that he would get the shit beaten out of him by fucking Alvaro Vacanti of all people, wouldn't he have laughed at the utter ridiculousness of it all? "Just... shit, man."
Before he knew it, something like a laugh was trying to work its way up out of his chest and throat too, though it came out as more of a wheeze. His parents could be watching this, watching him unravel. Of course if they were seeing him sitting here, then they'd probably already seen him get the beaten, and seen him wake up and freak out before that. His life was a series of events captured on video now, episode one to the season finale.
Just like a bad sitcom. Tune in next week for the life and times of Min-jae Parker, assuming he's still around next week! Damn, he needed to come up with a catchphrase if he was going to star in a sitcom.
That thought was what really set him off, it was so stupid and bizarre. Jae's hacking laughter joined Vanessa's, loud and discordant even as he doubled over and curled in on himself to try and contain it. The smoke drifting from the lit end of his cigarette changed from lazy swirls to jerky trails as his body shook. He brought it to his lips again, shakily, barely able to contain his hysteria long enough to inhale.
To anyone nearby, it probably sounded like the inmates of the asylum had never left. Jae supposed that there was a brand new round of inmates now, though.
Just another sick joke.
Not that it was helping him get his thoughts straight, either. Jae supposed that he envied Cass and Trav their little rooftop sanctuary and the short-lived peace it had brought them before he and Vanessa and the ugliness of the real world invaded it. They were a reminder of what this place was and what they'd been put here to do. Hell, he was going to be a (barely) walking reminder of that forever now, wasn't he?
"It is a fucking sick joke, isn't it," he said finally. And wasn't it, really? If someone had told him even yesterday that he was going to wake up in an abandoned mental hospital, he'd have called them crazy. If someone had tried to tell him that he would get the shit beaten out of him by fucking Alvaro Vacanti of all people, wouldn't he have laughed at the utter ridiculousness of it all? "Just... shit, man."
Before he knew it, something like a laugh was trying to work its way up out of his chest and throat too, though it came out as more of a wheeze. His parents could be watching this, watching him unravel. Of course if they were seeing him sitting here, then they'd probably already seen him get the beaten, and seen him wake up and freak out before that. His life was a series of events captured on video now, episode one to the season finale.
Just like a bad sitcom. Tune in next week for the life and times of Min-jae Parker, assuming he's still around next week! Damn, he needed to come up with a catchphrase if he was going to star in a sitcom.
That thought was what really set him off, it was so stupid and bizarre. Jae's hacking laughter joined Vanessa's, loud and discordant even as he doubled over and curled in on himself to try and contain it. The smoke drifting from the lit end of his cigarette changed from lazy swirls to jerky trails as his body shook. He brought it to his lips again, shakily, barely able to contain his hysteria long enough to inhale.
To anyone nearby, it probably sounded like the inmates of the asylum had never left. Jae supposed that there was a brand new round of inmates now, though.
Just another sick joke.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
Vanessa kept laughing, even as Cass and Trav looked at her as if the asylum was her true home. Jae's own words fell on mostly deaf ears.
"What would I rather be fucking doing? I'd rather be at the fucking science museum, learning how fucking magnets work!" she was shouting at Cass now, no malice in her voice but no restraint either. Even if she was trying to stop herself, it was unlikely that she'd be able to. "Jesus Christ, Cass, what am I supposed to fucking say? No-one told me about the part of the trip where terrorists come over and have us start going fucking slasher flick on each other!"
She turned to Trav, still shouting. "So how're we going to make the most of things then, huh? You want to stand up here and admire the view until we're all fucking dead instead? Going to watch the sun set and ignore any gunshots or death screams from down there as our classmates pull out their first amendment rights on each other?"
She may have had a point behind what she was saying, but it wasn't a conscious one. Words were coming out that she wouldn't have said if she could stop herself, but she just kept on yelling them all the same. After all, she was having a bad day.
"Fuck me if I know what I'm going to do! Find Cams, then fuck knows what! I'm not exactly a fucking expert in this kind of fucking situation! I just wanted to get out of school for one fucking day!"
She took deep breaths as she finished shouting, still holding the single finger in the air that she'd thrown up at the end of her rant. She stood there, looking between the three of them, as the mania that had swept over her gave her a moment of respite.
"What would I rather be fucking doing? I'd rather be at the fucking science museum, learning how fucking magnets work!" she was shouting at Cass now, no malice in her voice but no restraint either. Even if she was trying to stop herself, it was unlikely that she'd be able to. "Jesus Christ, Cass, what am I supposed to fucking say? No-one told me about the part of the trip where terrorists come over and have us start going fucking slasher flick on each other!"
She turned to Trav, still shouting. "So how're we going to make the most of things then, huh? You want to stand up here and admire the view until we're all fucking dead instead? Going to watch the sun set and ignore any gunshots or death screams from down there as our classmates pull out their first amendment rights on each other?"
She may have had a point behind what she was saying, but it wasn't a conscious one. Words were coming out that she wouldn't have said if she could stop herself, but she just kept on yelling them all the same. After all, she was having a bad day.
"Fuck me if I know what I'm going to do! Find Cams, then fuck knows what! I'm not exactly a fucking expert in this kind of fucking situation! I just wanted to get out of school for one fucking day!"
She took deep breaths as she finished shouting, still holding the single finger in the air that she'd thrown up at the end of her rant. She stood there, looking between the three of them, as the mania that had swept over her gave her a moment of respite.
"Smile. The world's not ending just yet."
Trav's support gave Cass a welcome feeling of solidarity, relief from this new alienation; until Jae joined Vanessa in cackling like a madman. Desperate, ugly laughter, like screaming static that drowned out all your thoughts until the only thing left in your head was white noise. Cass looked from Jae, to Vanessa, back to Jae, praying they'd stop; shot a silent, wide-eyed plea for help in Trav's direction but couldn't find any words, looked down, made themselves small, stared at the roof below as that terrible laughter continued and continued, closing in on Cass, surrounding them, wanted to run, wanted to scramble backwards just to get away but was frozen by whatever part of their brain had it together enough to remember that they were mere feet away from an undignified death over the edge of the roof.
Vanessa quieted, for a moment. Cass took a nervous breath, thinking the worst was over. They flinched as she then started screaming and swearing at Cass, and though she didn't actually blame Cass for anything it still felt like an attack, an accusation for trying to forget about everyone else's pain and fear and misery, for living it up and watching the sunrise instead of giving that precious, precious time to someone whose feelings actually mattered. Even when Vanessa stopped, her words remained imprinted in Cass's head, anguished cries piercing their heart.
Cass stared down at their trembling hands, too shaky to even hold a pencil, if they'd had one. God, they really were useless. Pathetic.
"Sorry. You're right. Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so..." Cass choked, tripping over their words, not understanding what they were apologizing for. They just wanted it all to be over, wanted to disappear, wanted everyone to leave and stop being so goddamn loud and angry, but they didn't deserve that, no, didn't deserve any peace at all. They hadn't deserved to stop and breath and enjoy life with Trav earlier, either, so this was just how things should be, because they'd prompted this, hadn't they, couldn't have just kept their worthless mouth shut and let Vanessa laugh and cope in her own way, couldn't respect the pain she was feeling, everyone was feeling. Just had to put their own feelings first.
Stupid. So goddamn stupid.
Vanessa quieted, for a moment. Cass took a nervous breath, thinking the worst was over. They flinched as she then started screaming and swearing at Cass, and though she didn't actually blame Cass for anything it still felt like an attack, an accusation for trying to forget about everyone else's pain and fear and misery, for living it up and watching the sunrise instead of giving that precious, precious time to someone whose feelings actually mattered. Even when Vanessa stopped, her words remained imprinted in Cass's head, anguished cries piercing their heart.
Cass stared down at their trembling hands, too shaky to even hold a pencil, if they'd had one. God, they really were useless. Pathetic.
"Sorry. You're right. Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so..." Cass choked, tripping over their words, not understanding what they were apologizing for. They just wanted it all to be over, wanted to disappear, wanted everyone to leave and stop being so goddamn loud and angry, but they didn't deserve that, no, didn't deserve any peace at all. They hadn't deserved to stop and breath and enjoy life with Trav earlier, either, so this was just how things should be, because they'd prompted this, hadn't they, couldn't have just kept their worthless mouth shut and let Vanessa laugh and cope in her own way, couldn't respect the pain she was feeling, everyone was feeling. Just had to put their own feelings first.
Stupid. So goddamn stupid.
Trav heard Vanessa's outburst. He didn't really care for any of it though.
He looked at Vanessa mid-rant before turning to Cass, she was shaking. Trav scratched at his nose and the top of his forehead before turning back to Vanessa. The idea that someone would barge into their haven and then set to work ruining the mood so throughly because they dared to have a different reaction to the situation to them annoyed him. He also didn't enjoy being yelled at for no reason. He wasn't in training and he wasn't fucking up. So she needed to lay off.
First he answered her question.
"I dunno, watching a sunset seems nice, plus they have the sea here, I might go and look at that from the cliffs." He used his free hand to shake his hair out. "But seriously, you should calm down. We know where we are and what it means, you don't need to convince us." He put his water away in his bag. "If I die here, I don't want to waste the moments of peace I can find panicking."
That entire idea was fucking naive at best and Trav knew it. Eventually a time would come where he would be forced to start living in a constant state of alert. He knew that. He'd realised as he'd been watching the sunrise.
What he didn't need was someone screaming that fact in his face.
He looked at Vanessa mid-rant before turning to Cass, she was shaking. Trav scratched at his nose and the top of his forehead before turning back to Vanessa. The idea that someone would barge into their haven and then set to work ruining the mood so throughly because they dared to have a different reaction to the situation to them annoyed him. He also didn't enjoy being yelled at for no reason. He wasn't in training and he wasn't fucking up. So she needed to lay off.
First he answered her question.
"I dunno, watching a sunset seems nice, plus they have the sea here, I might go and look at that from the cliffs." He used his free hand to shake his hair out. "But seriously, you should calm down. We know where we are and what it means, you don't need to convince us." He put his water away in his bag. "If I die here, I don't want to waste the moments of peace I can find panicking."
That entire idea was fucking naive at best and Trav knew it. Eventually a time would come where he would be forced to start living in a constant state of alert. He knew that. He'd realised as he'd been watching the sunrise.
What he didn't need was someone screaming that fact in his face.
They weren't welcome here. That much had been obvious from the start, and Vanessa was only making it worse.
Not that Jae was much help, still giggling inappropriately as Vanessa launched into her rant. He bit down on the knuckle of his free hand to stifle himself, which muffled the noise somewhat but did nothing for the hysterical shudders that wracked him. He'd never really liked the sound of his own laughter when he was conscious of it.
Okay, alright, breathe. Breathe in deep, let it out. Count backwards from ten, even though you're not pissed right now, just hurt and scared and failing to deal with it. Jae tried to follow his own advice, but he couldn't stop being aware of how high-strung everyone was and how easily a fight could break out, and how useless he'd be if it did. The slope of the tiled roof suddenly seemed menacing. He wanted to get to his feet but he had to go slowly, while every part of him was screaming for some kind of action. He hadn't realized you could feel claustrophobic in such an open space.
On an impulse, Jae flung his half-smoked cigarette away. He watched it drop over the edge of the roof, and part of him hoped that it might land on a particularly dry bit of wood and catch the building on fire.
"Vans, we should go," he spoke up once he'd gotten hold of himself again. "Let's get out of here."
Jae carefully got to his feet, watching the sloping edge of the roof warily, like it might somehow come towards him and send him over after his cigarette. He didn't want to argue with Travis and Cass about what did and didn't matter. He could barely even think straight, much less start sorting actions into meaningful and not meaningful in the context of where they were now. Philosophy had never been his strong suit anyway.
He let his fingers brush the collapsed baton where he'd stuck it through his belts to carry. He didn't give a shit if Vanessa wanted to argue or not. Fuck, he'd argue with her the whole way back down the stairs if she wanted, but he didn't care to sit here and watch this unfold any longer. "Let's go."
Not that Jae was much help, still giggling inappropriately as Vanessa launched into her rant. He bit down on the knuckle of his free hand to stifle himself, which muffled the noise somewhat but did nothing for the hysterical shudders that wracked him. He'd never really liked the sound of his own laughter when he was conscious of it.
Okay, alright, breathe. Breathe in deep, let it out. Count backwards from ten, even though you're not pissed right now, just hurt and scared and failing to deal with it. Jae tried to follow his own advice, but he couldn't stop being aware of how high-strung everyone was and how easily a fight could break out, and how useless he'd be if it did. The slope of the tiled roof suddenly seemed menacing. He wanted to get to his feet but he had to go slowly, while every part of him was screaming for some kind of action. He hadn't realized you could feel claustrophobic in such an open space.
On an impulse, Jae flung his half-smoked cigarette away. He watched it drop over the edge of the roof, and part of him hoped that it might land on a particularly dry bit of wood and catch the building on fire.
"Vans, we should go," he spoke up once he'd gotten hold of himself again. "Let's get out of here."
Jae carefully got to his feet, watching the sloping edge of the roof warily, like it might somehow come towards him and send him over after his cigarette. He didn't want to argue with Travis and Cass about what did and didn't matter. He could barely even think straight, much less start sorting actions into meaningful and not meaningful in the context of where they were now. Philosophy had never been his strong suit anyway.
He let his fingers brush the collapsed baton where he'd stuck it through his belts to carry. He didn't give a shit if Vanessa wanted to argue or not. Fuck, he'd argue with her the whole way back down the stairs if she wanted, but he didn't care to sit here and watch this unfold any longer. "Let's go."
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."