The Place Where It All Began

[Megami*]

(Continued from "And So It Begins..." in the Woods.)

Finally, her sprint turned into a jog, then to a walk, then to a complete stop. From the woods, Lyndi had ran, and she had not turned back. Taking in a deep gasp of air, Lyndi looked around her at the location to where she had gone, or rather, the location she had come back to. The lighthouse. This place, this was where it all began. It all started to go downhill the second she and Fred, along with the others, stepped foot on this foresaken ground. Tears still flowed freely down Lyndi's cheeks and she fell to her knees quietly, thoughts of what had just occurred still racing through her mind.

She had just taken a life. The life of her friend. Only moments before the encounter, he had saved her from certain death at the hands of Cody Jenson, and she had callously taken his life away from him in return for that favor. No. He would have killed her, he tried to kill her. The deep wound that had been forged when the metal of his knife pierced her flesh was a reassurance of that. So then, why did she feel so bad? If we'd never come to this place, if I'd never let Vince Samsa join the group, if we'd just ran away... then you'd still be here, and Ryan would still be alive, and... I just can't do anything right. It was a bitter thought, but oh so true in Lyndi's mind.

Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you...

Clenching her fists together tightly, Lyndi bit down on her bottom lip in pure frustration. She had waged a downhill battle against the island ever since she had awoken. She was doing the right thing, she was fighting the good fight. Despite that, things kept getting taken away from her cold-heartedly. And now, she was as she had been when she had first woken up at the gazebo. She was alone. Everyone... everyone who had tried to protect her had died a cold death, and one of them had been brought by her own hand. Accident or not, she had killed Ryan Ashmore.

I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you...

I never meant... for any of this to happen. I just wish it would all go away. I wish it were all a bad dream. But... it isn't. This is it, I'll die in this place. Unsurprisingly, Lyndi found herself shaking violently. Lowering herself to the ground fully, she could see the cliff not far in front of her, and she knew that somewhere below in the murky waters lie the body of Fred Hughes. Likewise, she knew most of the others were now dead, slumped over in an inhuman position on the ground somewhere. I don't have a future anymore...

Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken

I don't want to die yet. I have so many things I want to do. I want to go to my high school prom, I want to see my brother graduate. I want to graduate. I want to go to college, have a family, have a career. I don't want to become another name on Danya's list of the dead. To be read off as if I were nothing. I can't become just another corpse on this island, I can't. There's so much I haven't accomplished yet, so many things I never even dreamed of doing until it was too late. Why does it have to be this way? And besides, I can't die now. I have... so many regrets.

I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you
Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

Pushing herself out of the dirt and two her feet, Lyndi quietly stumbled over to the edge of the cliff and sat down. This place had been a battle ground not long ago, and in the course of that battle she had lost someone who had become very dear to her through the short time she had spent with him on the island. It was also because of that battle that she had parted ways with her best friend since Freshman year, and who knew if she would ever see the smiling face of Elsie Darroch again. Callum Hadley, yet another soul who had become close to her during her brief time with him, had also gone away. And Callum... would never return. Now, she was so alone, so scared.

'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me...

Dangling her feet over the ledge, Lyndi clinched at the ground tightly, all the thoughts boiling up deep inside of her. As much as she wanted to hurl herself off of the side of the cliff in that instant, she refrained. Elsie had not been read off on Danya's list. Unless she had died between then and now, she was still out there somewhere. Knowing this, Lyndi could not bring herself to end her own life. Somewhere out there, her best friend was struggling to survive. She had to find her, dead or not, she had to see for herself. But... I wonder if you can see me now... you, and Callum and Ryan... it's so hard without you. It's hard to go on any longer. But I can't leave her. I can't leave her alone in this place.

I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive...

"I know you can't hear me," Lyndi started, not caring if anyone heard her talking to herself or not, "At least, not physically anyway. But... I hope you're looking down on me right now. And if Ryan's up there with you, tell him that I'm starting to think he was right... about death being the only way to salvation..."

Lyndi sighed quietly, the tears in her eyes starting to fade somewhat as she continued to speak aloud. Although she could only assume that no one was listening, she needed to vocalize her opinions, otherwise they would eat away at her until they drove her mad.

"I want to see you all again so much. I just want you all to come back. At this point, I'm almost willing to join you. You're free from the pain and the suffering, and I want it all to end, but it won't. They just keep killing one another, and it just happens over and over again. It's even sucked me in... I want to go home so badly, but it wouldn't be the same without you all anyway. The only reason I haven't thrown myself off of this cliff yet it because of Elsie. She's the only reason I can bear to remain in this place any longer."

So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry...

Forcing herself to her feet once more, Lyndi stepped away from the cliff, but not before casting one more longing glance toward the murky depths that lie below. She had come here with the intention of making that place her grave, as well. Perhaps she would come back soon enough and realize that idea. Right now, though, she had to find Elsie, if only to say goodbye. Wrapping her arms around herself, Lyndi began a slow parade back around the lighthouse, away from the place that had become both a physical and mental grave to her. This place had buried the people she cared about, her hopes and dreams, everything. And eventually, Lyndi had the intentions of burying this shell she was trapped in here, as well.

And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you...

I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry that I let you down, that I can't beat this thing. I know you all tried to help me, and it's because of you all... especially... you... that I'm standing here right now. But I can't finish. I can't survive. But , there's one more thing I have to do. One more thing before I know I can rest in peace. I have to find my best friend. I've ignored her during this entire ordeal, just cast her aside. And you know, I may never get a chance to apologize. But, I have to try. I'm sure I'll see you all soon enough... and I'm sorry that I let you all down. I just hope you'll stay with me, in spirit, at least.

Tears began to roll down Lyndi's cheeks once again as the thought raced through her mind. This was it, they were nearly at the end-game, and though it was probably a reassuring hope to the others on the island, Lyndi had all but resigned herself to her fate. Unless some force of nature would have it otherwise, she would die in this place. Considering the heavy wounds she had sustained all over her once desirable physique, she probably would not last much longer anyway. However, Lyndi refused, simply refused to die. At least, not until she found Elsie Darroch.

(Continued in To Sleep, Perchance To Dream.)