Altan Ochir

[Kirizon]

Name: Altan Ochir
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: Senior
School: George Hunter High School
Hobbies and Interests: Sculpting, botany, marine biology, falconry and Bökh

Appearance: Hailing from Mongol heritage, Altan is significantly taller than he should be, even if he only measures to the national average of 5 feet and 9 inches. He's considerably slimmer than most people of height, however he remains a healthy weight at 133 pounds. Altan has a small, concave nose, straight-lipped mouth and straight, medium-length dark brown hair. Altan has hazel eyes and his face has a reddish tone due to his family originally being from the region of Khovd.

As Altan's family is currently fairly poor, they expected another daughter to which their two other daughters could pass their clothes down to. However, as he was born a boy, they had to buy him new clothes and thus always purchased the cheapest attire possible. He also typically bought grey and dark green clothes in order to avoid standing out, although he has come to enjoy the green clothes as they remind him of botany. Altan favours hoodies as he thinks of them as a merge between jumpers and hats. Similarly, he prefers track suit bottoms as they provide a comfortable item of dress along with being suitable for most situations, including if he had to get them dirty or when he was hunting. Similarly, to his hoodie and track suits, Altan sports a pair of black trainers annually, in order to save money.

On the day of the abduction, Altan was wearing a crimson shirt, grey hoodie, navy tracksuit bottoms and his usual black trainers.

Biography: Born to two Mongolian immigrants, Ochir and Jiguur in Haleiwa, Hawaii along with his two older sisters, Qara and Sarnai, Altan has been an American citizen all his life. For the first few years of his life, Altan and his family followed a fairly strict Buddhist lifestyle, as there were prominent Buddhist communities in the area. They had a reasonably happy life, as his parents were middle upper class and therefore he frequently got new toys and games. During this period was Altan's only memories of being part of a middle class family, as after the move to Tennessee their economic situation never recovered greatly from the investment in a new house and the move itself.

As with a typical Mongolian name, Altan's name consists of a patronym (his father's name) to follow tradition, although his mother had debated this for a brief period before Sarnai's birth. They ultimately settled the argument with Altan having the name Ochir rather than Jiguur as his father believed it was disrespectful to not follow Mongolian tradition regarding the subject, especially if Ochir wasn't dead.

However, this changed when they moved to Chattanooga for his mother's work. His father worked as a tailor, which allowed him to work easily in most locations, while his mother was a graphic designer and thus after her previous company shut down she was forced to move to get another job of similar pay, in order to support her husband and three children. Fortunately, one of her old colleagues had set up a buisness in Tennessee and offered a job position to Ochir. Not wanting to squander their remaining cash, the family ultimately decided that the move was the best decision they could make, even if it was extremely expensive. His father argued over the costs, however the other local positions didn't match up to the salary of her other offers. While it would be a temporary bonus, his mother ultimately decided that moving to Chattanooga would be a better long term investment. Due to this, though, they lost an immense portion of their savings and had to revert back to the frugal life Ochir had lived in Khovd, which due to semi-regular trips to Mongolia, they never recovered from.

While Altan and his family still followed Buddhist practices devotedly, the massive drop of surrounding Buddhist's caused a more lenient routine to develop for his family, although the recent growth of Buddhism in Chattanooga caused Altan's parents to attempt to reinforce the stricter Buddhist values on their children.

Born four years after Sarnai, and one year and a half after Qara, Altan has a deep connection with his siblings and considers Qara his most trusted person in the world, confiding in her with information he didn't want to share with even his parents. The move to Chattanooga affected Altan the least out of his family, though, as he had only lived in Haleiwa for four years, while his parents had lived there for ten years, one year before Jiguur, Altan's mother, became pregnant with Sarnai.

In his new home, Altan was lucky in the fact that he was the sole boy as it granted him a room of his own, which gathered him slight resent from his sisters who shared their bedroom. This did also add to the strain of his parent's monetary pressures, which he became gradually more aware of as he grew older and caused him to regularly feel guilt whenever the topic of wealth was brought up. As a consequence, Altan actively avoids purchasing expensive items even if he desperately wants them as he's anxious regarding a lack of other things because of it, including essentials.

At a young age, Altan was a frequently timid and dependent child, often remaining near his parents or siblings whenever possible, especially in the scenario of meeting new people. Despite this, if ever in a situation where he was forced into a leading position, he typically began demonstrating controlling tendencies, to the extent of blaming or even refusing to speak to team members or group members if he believed they had failed him or the group. This inevitably caused conflict, and his mother, anxious that she was raising an aggressive or rude child, attempted to direct this aspect of his personality into gardening – Something deeply rooted in Buddhist cultures. Her main reasons for this were than gardening was a soothing activity, as well as one that put the gardener in control. As well as this, Qara and Sarnai didn't seem to have any interest in keeping the garden in optimal conditions and thus the labour aspect of it was also given to Altan.

Fortunately for his parents, Altan had a natural aptitude for botany and was thus not discouraged by failure as he was in other activities such as team sports or languages. His father chose to selectively speak to him in Mongolian, following the instructions of a guide he had once read to raise bilingual children, however Altan's fluency in Mongolian was significantly better than his fluency in English, which was problematic as it separated Altan from his English-speaking peers in his earlier stages of institutionalized education.

Despite this obstacle in forming friendships, Altan swiftly became amicable with a small group of people who, alongside him, enjoyed talking quietly and mostly among themselves. While they weren't all initially accepting of him joining the group, he gradually earned their favour and thus his opinion of school slowly increased to the extent of him eventually enjoying school, if only to see his friends.

A large portion of his friends were also passionate artists and thus he learned the basics mostly in order to appease them as well as the fact that he desired another topic to discuss with them. However, he found that he wasn't immediately good at fine art and was disappointed with his work in general, giving up on pursuing the subject, despite externally appearing to be content with his mediocre drawings.

It was just as he turned eight years old when his parents first decided to bring him with them to see his grandparents in Mongolia. Despite an initial reluctance to the trip as he attempted to deny his culture to fit in with his peers, he was eventually coaxed into accepting with the offer of food and sweets and the threat of being left home alone.

His first experience of Mongolia was that it was a cold, harsh region with a lack of interesting activities, however it was in Khovd when his father, Ochir, first took Altan and Qara to do falconry with him, even allowing Altan to pet and stroke the falcon, which Altan named Icy Feathers at the time due to the bird's movement away from Altan when his father originally tried to get Altan to hold him on his arm. As well as this, during his stay in Ulaanbaatar, his mother took him to watch the Bökh and he gained a minor fascination with it, practicing with his sister who thought of herself as a tomboy. He was disappointed after his mother revealed that Bökh was not the form of wrestling practiced in America, however again his father and sister Qara reassured him that they would assist him if he ever desired to pursue the sport.

Upon entering middle school, his troubles with English had all been resolved and therefore Altan naively believed that it was a fresh start, and one in which he wouldn't be separated for his struggles in English. Unfortunately, Altan's skin tone and Mongolian features still emphasized Altan as a prime target for bullying, and as a result of this Altan became increasingly distant from his peers and even friends, instead spending increasing amounts of time studying and learning about or applying his skills in botany.

The only time outside botany and studying when Altan felt at peace during that time was with his sister Qara, whom he regularly competed against in small Bökh fights in the garden. His older sister disliked the sport and found it tasteful which soured her relationship with the other two, but Altan still looked up to Sarnai for advice about school, friends and studying.

His art teacher was the first person to notice the negative consequences of the bullying on Altan, and inquired about it, however Altan was deceptive due to the belief that confronting the bullies would just further enrage them. Still, his art teacher had suspicions that Altan knew about, and so attempted to distract her upset by keeping up his old academic standard in art with mediocre pieces, but strong research and analysis work.

His art teacher ended up calling his parents regarding Altan's behaviour, though, and while Altan refused to acknowledge anything to his mother or father, the latter of which Altan worried would consider him weak, he eventually revealed the situation to his closest friend and sister, Qara. Qara then proceeded to inform their parents who asked the school to deal with it as discreetly as possible. Regardless, Altan was considered a snitch for a period, until he decided to perform acts that he knew would get him in trouble in a desperate attempt to improve his social status.

These acts were never violent and he never committed vandalism, however he interrupted the teacher with jokes and mocked them outside of lessons, hoping to earn a status as a comedic friend rather than that of a bullying victim.

This slightly wounded his relationship with his parents, and specifically his mother frequently chastised him and showed disappointment in general, as she had hoped for him to become a proficient engineer, doctor or other scientist. Still, this only furthered Altan's interactions with Qara, avoiding his overbearing sister Sarnai, proud but harsh father and disappointed mother.

Qara still was determined to help Altan recover both socially and academically, and thus actively strived to encourage all of his hobbies and favourite subjects, recommending he regain his old, amazing results in the sciences to appease his mother and reminding him that skill in art arises from practice, and to achieve any artistic dreams he must regularly sketch, paint and sculpt.

Around this time, Altan noticed his interest in science, and made a vow to himself that if he wanted to succeed, then he would pick a science as a career choice. This would make him a decent sum of money and thus allow him to aid his family's economic situation. He also had a fairly strong memory which allowed him to rote learn facts with slight ease, giving him a minor advantage against other students.

One of his strongest memories as a child was visiting an aquarium, and viewing the aquatic life that had been entirely unknown to him beforehand, especially with molluscs, sea horses and sunfish. This, tied in with his very early memories of Hawaii, brought him a sense of both familiarity with the sea and a sense of wanting to explore the other mysteries it had to offer. This caused him to focus on aquatic sciences, and marine biology in particular. Later, when Altan was fifteen, as a reward for a sustained level of high academic achievement, he was given a pet turtle which he named "Rashell" after he read the pun on a website.

Ever since his initial visit, Altan would typically go with his parents on every trip to Mongolia, which was generally once every one and a half or two years. Eventually, after training in falconry for over 7 years, mostly in Mongolia but also in American falconry societies and clubs whenever he got the chance, he was allowed to own a bird of his own, which he named "Ajira." After a long debate, Altan eventually decided to leave Ajira in the hands of his aunt and uncle in Khovd rather than take him back to America as he believed that both his aunt and uncle would benefit from the bird catching them food as well as the fact that Ajira would not get the exercise it craves while Altan was studying so dedicatedly at home.

Later, upon entering high school, Altan was introduced to ceramics and carpentry. Similarly, to botany, Altan preferred sculpting as it allowed him to fully acknowledge the work was his, taking pride in his successes and being able to identify and improve on his failures. This embodied Altan's mindset in general, and being content with his skill slowly caused him to transform into a happier and stable person again.

Another reason sculpting became his favourite type of art was because of his father's encouragement, as Ochir observed it as a possible skill and trade for Altan to secure and potentially get involved in in the future. This caused him to actively endorse Altan's work whenever possible and attempt to sell all of his pieces at the highest price possible via online websites such as Etsy and local festivals, not just for the money but also to show his support of his son. Due to the irregularity of sculpture creation, it is not relied upon as a regular income however it generally makes the family approximately 60$ per month, as a 180$ sculpture takes Altan on average around 3 months. This money goes directly to Altan, however he mostly gives the money to his parents, as he believes it is a minor payment to the debt he owes to them for giving him meals and paying for his activities and lifestyle. Sculpting also helped fill up the time gap left open by his sister Qara's growing lack of motivation regarding Bökh, one of the key sports and hobbies that tied the two especially close together, which worried Altan but Qara reassured would not interfere with their trusting relationship.

Currently, Altan is excelling in the vast majority of his studies, maintaining optimal grades in the three sciences and spending a lot of time independently researching marine biology, both for his own interest and as a method to convince possible accepting colleges that he is knowledgeable and desires to learn more about marine biology. He does currently plan to go to college, as his sister Sarnai choosing not to greatly increased the chances of the other two children possibly going. Regardless, his father has told him that even if they cannot afford college tuition, at least he will have some prior experience in botany and sculpting, which his father asserted would definitely provide a job opportunity somewhere.

Advantages: Altan can survive well on his own, due to his history of being well acquainted with the wilderness via his time spent doing falconry and Bökh. As well as this, Bökh gave him practice for fights in close combat without a weapon, even if it wasn't designed for unsimulated combat, Altan also has a strong memory which aided him in his studies, and his love of botany could help him identify possible dangerous plants and trees while on the island.
Disadvantages: Altan falters under situations where he isn't in control, and thus he will always try to comprehend and take charge of a scenario even if it results in a negative outcome, due to his anxiety of the possible results of other people making decisions for him or about him. Despite spending a large amount of time alone, Altan is still fairly dependent on other people such as his sisters and friends and thus cannot survive in good mental health for a sustained period of time alone.

[VoltTurtle]

Heya Kirizon! I've got Altan. Unfortunately he's DENIED pending one major adjustment and a few minor adjustments. My comments are in teal.

Hobbies and Interests: Sculpting, botany, marine biology, falconry and Bökh

Minor, but use the oxford comma.

weight at 133 pounds

Wouldn't his relatively physical hobbies give him a fair bit of muscle mass? Bump up his weight by a few pounds.

prefers track suit bottoms

Tracksuit is one word.

and track suits

Same thing here.

Similarly, to his hoodie

Get rid of this comma.

middle upper class

Change this to "upper middle class".

situation never recovered greatly from

Drop the "greatly" here.

However, this changed when

What changed?

of similar pay, in order

Drop this comma.

set up a buisness in Tennessee

Typo; business.

While it would be a temporary bonus, his mother ultimately decided that moving to Chattanooga would be a better long term investment. Due to this, though, they lost an immense portion of their savings and had to revert back to the frugal life Ochir had lived in Khovd, which due to semi-regular trips to Mongolia, they never recovered from

So, here's the thing I don't really understand regarding their financial situation. The cost of living in Hawaii is usually much, MUCH higher than the cost of living in Tennessee, because property values are much, MUCH higher (median in Hawaii is 600,000$ while median in Tennessee is 150,000$). While I understand that they might have lost a huge chunk of their savings from the move, they should have actually been in a better financial situation than when they left; the price of a property in Hawaii would more than handle the price of a property in Tennessee AND the cost of the move, even if they got a bad deal when they sold it. Combine that with the price of general goods and services being lower and they should have been completely fine. As a result, you either need to change the state that they moved from to an even poorer state than Tennessee, or you need to scrap the move idea entirely and just have them be poor and in Tennessee from the get-go, or you need to scrap the idea that Altan is poor (and all related elements in the profile). The choice is yours, and I'll help you with whatever you go with.

gathered him slight resent from his

Typo; "garnered" instead of "gathered" and "resentment" instead of "resent".

this were than gardening

Typo; "that".

As well as this, during his stay in Ulaanbaatar, his mother took him to watch the Bökh and he gained a minor fascination with it, practicing with his sister who thought of herself as a tomboy. He was disappointed after his mother revealed that Bökh was not the form of wrestling practiced in America, however again his father and sister Qara reassured him that they would assist him if he ever desired to pursue the sport.

Why does Altan enjoy Bokh? Ideally insert this bit of info after mentioning his fascination with it.

attempted to distract her upset by keeping up

Change this to "attempted to keep her from prying by keeping up" or something to that affect, since "distract her upset" doesn't read well.

This slightly wounded his

What specifically is this? I can vaguely tell (I think) from context clues but others might get confused.

as she had hoped for him to become a proficient engineer, doctor or other scientist

Oxford comma, again, but why would she think that being a mild troublemaker would preclude him from being an engineer/doctor/whatever. If you wanna keep the spirit of this, I'd suggest changing it to "as she had hoped he would remain a well-behaved child".

uncle would benefit from the bird catching them food

What would the hawk catch that any person would want to eat? This is a strange detail without that kind of context, so I'd suggest either adding said context or removing the bit about it catching food for people.

due to his history of being well acquainted with the wilderness via his time spent doing falconry and Bökh

You don't explicitly mention how his falconry hobby/Bokh hobby gave him experience with the wilderness. You need to explicitly mention that to list it as an advantage.

combat, Altan also

Change this comma to a period.

...and that's it! I'll likely have more to say in the second round with the structural change you'll need to make with Altan being poor, but post back here when you get those edits made and I'll help you again in round 2!

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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested by the staff.