HF: Hey Bobby.
[silence]
HF: I wonder if.
[silence]
HF: Gods it’s selfish. I know. Just like, indulge me for a sec. I wonder if this’s how you woulda felt.
[cap screwing]
[swallowing]
HF: Like, if I figured out how to do it.
[sighing]
HF: I hope you don’t have a fucking clue what I’m talking about.
[silence]
HF: Axe had this friend. He, he was there for most of it, I think. He was there when...yeah. They seemed close. I didn’t know him great, just through Axe and Forrest. I almost did it for him though.
[swallowing]
HF: I pointed the fucking thing, at least. And if I hadn’t then.
[shuffling]
HF: Then his girlfriend would still be alive.
[coughing]
[swallowing]
HF: He shot her. Dunno why. Doesn’t matter I guess.
[silence]
HF: I’ve been thinking. Like, is she dead ‘cuz of me? If I didn’t draw, like, if I let him die, would he be dead cuz of me?
[silence]
HF: Every way I figure it I fucked up somehow.
[laughter]
[silence]
[swallowing]
HF: What I’m getting at, I guess, I dunno, everything can be your fault if you try hard enough Bobby. Everything looks bad in hindsight. You can’t change it. You just…
[silence]
HF: You try to do your best with what comes next.
[swallowing]
HF: I made a lot of mistakes out here Bobby. I got to choose to make them, though, right? The big ones, I made a decision yeah?
[silence]
HF: I think that means something.
[silence]
HF: I spent a long time not making decisions about you and, and Mom, and now this is
[sniffling]
HF: This is the closest we get, yeah?
[coughing]
HF: It’s enough. I don’t want you to think, if you’ve gone through all this I mean, I’m grateful. I love you.
[silence]
HF: I coulda done better.
[silence]
HF: I coulda done worse.
[shuffling]
HF: I wish I’d picked one.
[swallowing]
HF: Maybe you can do something with that, man.
[shuffling]
[coughing]
HF: Have you called him yet?
[fabric rustling]
HF: I’m not trying to ride your a-I mean, I think you’ve done it Mama. Shouldn’t have been a question.
[cap screwing]
[swallowing]
HF: It’s not the same, I don’t, I don’t wanna belittle what you did by pretending it could be, but I walked out. Few days ago. Left...you don’t know him. He was my boyfriend. Axel. Axel Fontaine. I left him sleeping with our friends and I
[choking]
HF: I just wasn’t really planning on coming back. I did. I couldn’t stay away, not here, but I don’t think I coulda walked out at all if I wasn’t sure he was strong enough without me. Understand? That he’d be okay on his own. He didn’t need me.
[silence]
[swallowing]
HF: Dad’s a strong guy.
[swallowing]
HF: Could you have done it if he wasn’t?
[silence]
HF: It makes it easier, right? Knowing he’ll get on without you, so you only gotta worry about yourself?
[footsteps]
[footsteps]
[footsteps]
HF: I don’t wanna project. Could be I’m more selfish than you. I never.
[silence]
[heavy breathing]
[sniffling]
HF: I never thought he’d go first.
[sniffling]
[coughing]
[swallowing]
HF: Did you think you’d make it this far? I, I dunno why I’m asking. Keep it in mind I guess, for when…
[silence]
HF: I love you Momma.
HF: I think it’s okay.
[clicking]
HF: I think, I mean, I know it doesn’t feel like it but…
[swallowing]
HF: I think it’s okay Lloyd. I think I’m okay. I think…
[silence]
[deep breathing]
HF: I’m fine in the fire…
[silence]
HF: I feed on the friction…
[silence]
HF: I’m right where I should be…
[silence]
HF: Don’t try and fix me…
HF: I’m fine in the fire.
HF: I feed on the friction!
HF: I’m right where I should be!
HF: Don’t try and
[crack]
[thud]