Name: Andrew Lapson
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: John Endecott Memorial Academy
Hobbies and interests: Playing guitar, professional wrestling, classic rock, weightlifting
Appearance: Andrew stands at 5’11’’ and weighs about 160 lbs. He has a lean, but wiry frame thanks to both genetics and years of weightlifting. His long, straight dark brown hair reaches down to his collarbone, his skin is fair white and he is Caucasian. His eyes are almond-shaped and their color is light blue underneath a pair of thin eyebrows, his face is shaped like an oval with a straight nose. Andrew has a goatee/mustache combo that he carefully trims that covers above his upper lip stopping at the edge and below his lip, down to his chin. Andrew has calluses on the fingers of his left hand from playing the guitar, strumming with his right. He has a small, but noticeable scar on his right cheek from an accident he had as a child.
Andrew’s fashion sense is very much thrown together, picking shirts/tank tops and pants without care for consistency and more for comfort. His wardrobe is ladened with different shirts of classic bands such as Led Zeppelin and The Who, as for pants he sticks jeans for the most part. The one thing that he wears consistently is his bomber jacket, which was his father’s.
Andrew takes great care of his appearance and hygiene, showering regularly and grooming his hair which he has been growing since middle school. There have been times where pimples had formed on his face, mostly along his chin and his forehead, but Andrew took care not to pick at them to leave scars.
On abduction day he was dressed in a white tank top with a brown bomber jacket over, one of the things his father had left behind. Along with that a pair of dark blue jeans with a pair of brown brogue boots.
Biography: Andrew was born to Martha and Jonathan Lapson on March 12th, 2001. Their second child after his brother Richard who was born in 94. The pair had met through Johnathan’s work, Johnathan being a musician and Martha seeing one of his concerts by chance at her regular hangout spot with her friends. Johnathan took notice that she would come by frequently to watch and took a chance on asking her out. The two dated for years before eventually marrying and having children.
Whilst both Martha and Jonathan had jobs, secretary and musician respectively, Andrew grew up with much attention from them and they would try and make as much time for him as they could. Due to his work, Johnathan would see Andrew infrequently but made sure to spend time with him whenever he came home and sent frequent messages to his family whilst on tour. Having learned from experience with Richard how important this was to a child.
When his mother would be swamped with work and his father was on tour, Richard would step in to watch over his brother. The age difference between the two meant that Richard couldn’t look over Andrew at school and there were significant differences between the two in terms of personality as Richard was rebellious and angry over his father’s frequent absence whilst Andrew would be on his best behavior. Still, Andrew looked up to his brother and spent years emulating him. If Richard showed interest in something, Andrew would as well.
As a child, Andrew was well-behaved and sociable. Hanging out with his friends during recess and paying attention during class, he quickly established himself as one of the top students of his class. His mother frequently praising him for this got him to keep this for most of his elementary school years.
His interest in the guitar started when his father would play old-school records of classic rock bands along with his father’s dabblings with the instrument. At first, content to listen to the guitar and watch bands such as Van Halen and Led Zeppelin, as he got older Andrew’s interest grew until he started asking his parents for his own to play, something his parents were openly unsure of at first, before surprising him with one as a gift when he was 8. Andrew would play along to his father’s records to the point he could play them from memory. He finds it soothing to play the guitar and a good tool for expressing himself that he otherwise struggles with.
His brother would watch wrestling in his spare time and Andrew would watch it alongside him. The physicality of it intrigued him and he would find himself invested in several wrestlers due to their physical presence and how they would conduct their promos. Their mother did not approve of the fictional sport and was worried about the effect it would have on her sons so they would watch in secret together. Soon, Andrew would play-fight with his friends using wrestling moves that he had seen on tv. Andrew had an incident when he was 9 years old with a few of his friends playing in his backyard. They were performing wrestling moves on one another, and a poorly aimed throw sent Andrew into some rocks resulting in an injury to his cheek. His mother was hysterical during this event and Andrew ended up with a visit to the hospital. Whilst his injury wasn’t serious, the incident did get his mother to talk to his father about the effect wrestling had on their son and an agreement was reached on a moratorium on wrestling in their home. Andrew was very displeased by this and would argue with his mother about this, but she was ironclad in her decision. This angered Richard as well, which he took out on Andrew by ignoring him and hiding his interests from him which hurt Andrew and cooled their friendship with one another.
Andrew’s father died when Andrew was 10 years old. A traffic accident during a tour took his life. This event shook Andrew immensely and his attitude started to shift, closing himself off and refusing to interact or play with other children, causing great concern for his mother and his teachers. Slowly, Andrew started to lose friends due to this behavior change and only a few would remain with him by the time he left elementary.
This behavior continued when he entered middle school. His teachers noticed and reached out to try and help him but met resistance on his end. This increased his mother’s concern as his grades went down and his brother would try to reach out to him, only to get rebuffed in return. It did not help that Andrew went through a growth spurt at the time, going from 4’10 to 5’8, giving him a lanky build at the time that hurt his confidence. This was around the same time he stopped allowing his hair to be cut, letting its length go down past his neck to emulate the style of old school musicians.
It was in his second year of middle school when Andrew started weightlifting, in an attempt to patch up their relationship with his younger brother Richard gave him some weights he used. At first, Andrew had no interest as he found himself busy practicing on his guitar. But he decided to give it a try one day and found himself enjoying the feeling it gave him. Over the years Andrew continued weightlifting, the muscle gain it gave him giving him a confidence boost that he needed at the time. Through this Andrew slowly patched up his relationship with his brother, who’d help him with exercises and try to assuage their mother’s worries over Andrew.
He started rewatching wrestling in secret, using the internet to keep up through different forums, Reddit and Youtube. Following channels that would go through old-school wrestling events along with the new ones that were happening at the time. In particular, he would watch Japanese wrestling, enjoying the hard-hitting style that was employed over there.
By the time he reached high school, Andrew had grown more confident in himself and more open with his musical ability with the guitar. But he was quiet otherwise and his grades had stagnated after their decline in middle school which was a sticking point between him and his mother, who’d argue with him about it whilst his brother would play mediator between them. He still struggles from time to time with insecurity due to his looks but alleviates said insecurity with pot.
Andrew’s grades are not the best, but better than what they were in middle school thanks to his brother pushing him to improve himself. As a result, his grades have for the most part become average with classes such as algebra and history go below average. The classes he likes and pulls his weight in are music and art, resulting in higher than average grades. He enjoys the opportunity to express himself at school.
It was during this time Andrew started smoking pot, doing so in secret from his family. Despite his introversion, Andrew would frequent clubs and parties to see acts and get a hold of pot. He found that smoking was a good relaxation tool which helped him socialise and his confidence. He favors smoking to drinking which he avoids for the most part.
Socially, Andrew is closed off. Whilst he likes to show off his skill at the guitar to others, preferring to let his music talk for him. Otherwise, he prefers to hang out with people with similar hobbies and musical tastes. Especially since he wants to start a band and is actively looking for people to join.
Andrew wants to be a guitarist and has no plans for college, a point of contention between him and his family. Both of them want him to go to college and get a degree, his mother, in particular, wanting him to become a lawyer. Their recent relations are more strained as a result and Andrew has found himself spending time at his friend's houses to avoid arguments with them over his future.
Advantages: Andrew is physically fit and his arms are strong from years of weightlifting, which could give him an edge in a fight. His height and demeanor can be considered imposing which he could use to his advantage.
Disadvantages: Andrew has a reputation as a closed-off loner due to his struggles to open up to other people due to his father’s death, only feeling comfortable if he knows and trusts them. Andrew has confidence issues due to his insecurity and regularly smokes pot to deal with this.
Andrew Lapson
Hey Ohm! I'll be critiquing Andrew for you. He's off to a good start but we'll need to do some clean-up before he'll be ready for approval into the game.
So what does Andrew actually enjoy about playing the guitar?
We never actually get any reason for what about wrestling attracted Andrew to it other than he watched it with his brother, so this will need to be expanded.
The first paragraph on wrestling can be combined with the second as there's no real reason for them to be separated.
While his mother and teachers were rightly concerned by his behaviour did they ever attempt to help or get assistance for Andrew during this time period? Because his behaviour would clearly mark him as a student who was in distress.
You mention that his grades declined in middle school as if this was known information but this isn't actually mentioned in the middle school section.
The end of the profile really needs some expansion, as currently, it's getting the job done but is very lacking.
Andrew's disadvantages are basically the same disadvantage twice, so these can be merged and a new one added.
Finally, I'd suggest that you read over the profile again really focussing on grammar and sentence structure because there are a few instances where things are phrased weirdly or don't flow very well that could be tightened up.
And that's everything so post back here once you've made the edits and I'll give Andrew another look!
Inches should be marked with " while pounds is denoted by lbs in lowercase.Andrew stands at 5’11 and weighs about 160 Lbs.
So this sentence is weird because it starts as one sentence and then turns into a completely different one at another.Through this the two built a rapport with one another through the years, leading to marriage between the two.
You don't need the use of Then here.When his mother would be swamped with work and his father was on tour, then Richard would step in to watch over his brother.
Generally in this context you would use In rather than For.His interest for in the guitar started
Old-school needs a hyphen.would play old-school records
So what does Andrew actually enjoy about playing the guitar?
til by itself like that isn't actually a real word and should be replaced by Until in this context.Andrew’s interest grew until he started asking
We never actually get any reason for what about wrestling attracted Andrew to it other than he watched it with his brother, so this will need to be expanded.
The first paragraph on wrestling can be combined with the second as there's no real reason for them to be separated.
This paragraph is way too long and needs to be broken up into smaller chunks.Andrew had an incident when he was 9 years old with a few of his friends playing in his backyard, performing wrestling moves on one another, a poorly aimed throw sending the boy into some rocks resulting in an injury to his cheek, sending his mother into hysterics and Andrew on a visit to the hospital.
This is awkwardly laid out and with how the sentences are assembled makes it appear that the tour being cut short is the more important piece of information here, which I guess could be the case but it seems unlikely.Andrew’s father died when Andrew was 10 years old. A tour trip cut short by a traffic accident taking his life.
While his mother and teachers were rightly concerned by his behaviour did they ever attempt to help or get assistance for Andrew during this time period? Because his behaviour would clearly mark him as a student who was in distress.
One of these instances of at the time needs to go.It did not help at the time that Andrew went through a growth spurt at the time,
This should be changed to Its otherwise what you're saying is "letting it is length".letting it’s length go down
This section needs to be rewritten as the way it is currently a run-on.At first having no interest as he found himself busy practicing on his guitar and another rebuff to his brother, but he decided to give it a try one day and found himself enjoying the feeling it gave him.
Reddit and Youtube both require capitalizing as they are names.using the internet to keep up through different forums, reddit and youtube.
Japanese should be capitalised. Also, and this is me picking on you because we're both wrestling fans but the part about how quiet the crowd is in Japan needs to further explained otherwise it comes off as a very random and weird detail to point out specifically.he would watch japanese wrestling, enjoying the hard-hitting style that was employed over there and how quiet the crowd would be when watching.
You mention that his grades declined in middle school as if this was known information but this isn't actually mentioned in the middle school section.
The classes he likes and pulls his weight in is are music and art,
What environments is he finding himself him? Up until this point Andrew has been described as a quiet kid and doesn't seem to interact with anyone much, he's not even in a band so what circles is he running in and what nerves does he have and also why?Due to the regular environment he found himself in as a guitarist
The end of the profile really needs some expansion, as currently, it's getting the job done but is very lacking.
Andrew's disadvantages are basically the same disadvantage twice, so these can be merged and a new one added.
Finally, I'd suggest that you read over the profile again really focussing on grammar and sentence structure because there are a few instances where things are phrased weirdly or don't flow very well that could be tightened up.
And that's everything so post back here once you've made the edits and I'll give Andrew another look!
Edited.
Andrews height is now sarcastically air-quoted.Andrew stands at "5’11"
Caucasian requires a capital letter.his skin is fair white and he is Caucasian.
We still don't have a real answer to if Andrews teachers tried to help him with regards to his depression following his fathers death.
And those are the only issues left! Post back here once they're done and I'll take a final look.
Edited!
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