Clover Wilkinson-Crowheart

and you know / i'm fine / but i hear / those voices at night / sometimes

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Yugikun
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Clover Wilkinson-Crowheart

#1

Post by Yugikun »

Name: Clover Wichita Wilkinson-Crowheart
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade: 12
School: John Endecott Memorial Academy
Hobbies and Interests: Science fiction, the internet, playing the cello, playing the timpani, music, film, gore videos, alien conspiracy theories

Appearance: Clover is of above-average height for her age, standing at 5’9” and weighing roughly 129 lbs. While there has been some muscle built in both her arms and core due to years spent playing the timpani, Clover is overall scrawny for her age, with a straight figure and barely any fat on her body. She is Caucasian in skin tone, and due to time usually spent inside, notably pale. Her hair is straight, thin, and goes down to her waist. It is a very faded near-taupe brown in colour, and is fairly ratty, messy, and filled with knots, often resulting in her often having to continuously bat her hair aside so that she can see in front of her. She has a button nose, hazel-coloured eyes, and assorted pimples and blackheads all across her forehead, nose, and chin. She does not wear makeup except on occasions such as school dances, weddings, or funerals, finding it too much of a pain to put on otherwise.

Clothing-wise, quite like the rest of her appearance, Clover does not put in a lot of effort. She dresses far more for personal convenience rather than to look good, and she often tends to pick randomly from her piles of clothes in a way that results in a haphazard, mismatching fashion sense. As such, t-shirts, tracksuit pants, and sneakers are what she most often wears. Oftentimes, she’ll wear the same outfit several days in a row, typically only switching out and throwing them in the wash in the middle and the end of the week. For the most part, she dresses fairly conservatively, partially to try and not show any skin and partially so that she can get away with not having to shave as much. On the day of the abduction, Clover was wearing a one-shoulder dress which is black around the sleeves and waist, and above and below show a picture of a cluster of dead trees looking up at a starry purple, blue and white sky. She also wore ripped and faded ankle-length denim blue jeans, knee-length black stockings, blue and white sneakers, and a silver lotus flower necklace.

Biography: Clover Wichita Wilkinson-Crowheart was born in Salem Hospital on the 29th of October, 2003, to parents Aaron Wilkinson and Rainbow Crowheart. Both Aaron and Rainbow were raised in a hippie commune off in the outskirts of Manitoba, and while they knew each other for nearly their entire lives, only became emotionally close during their late teenage years, bonding over their shared resentment with the community and a wish to see the rest of the world. They eventually left together, and roamed both Canada and the USA as nomads until Rainbow became pregnant, the two of them deciding to settle down for the sake of their child and choosing Salem, due to its quietness and close physical distance at the time. To this end, the couple found an apartment and attained jobs—Aaron as both a milkman and a postman and Rainbow as a bartender—and were living a stable life by the time Clover was born. Her name was initially a hyphenation as the parents were not entirely sure which last name to give the child, but as the two parents formally married six years later Clover’s name stayed the same. Clover wanted to keep it because she thought it sounded cool and Rainbow, despite being happy to drop one half of the name her father gave her in the hippie commune, ultimately was okay with Clover keeping it, wanting her to be happy and not wanting to induce confusion in her.

Growing up, Clover was an introverted child, yet energetic. While she preferred to read or play in the grass rather than interact with other children, she did anything she was asked to with gusto and did her best to be an attentive, eager student. When the time came for Clover to enter elementary school, her parents opted to take advantage of Salem's controlled choice student assignment policy to send her to an elementary school slightly farther from home, but which they believed would serve her better. However, oddities began to emerge with her during this period. In class and out, Clover would feel physical urges to continuously nod or shake her head, and would often flick light switches on and off upwards of twenty times while trying to use them. Later on, Clover would often repeat what others would say back to them verbatim even during periods of a serious tone where she was supposed to be silent, and would often find herself unable to complete sentences of her own as she would be continuously stuck on and compelled to repeat certain words or sounds. When discipline or reprimands from teachers did not result in Clover stopping these patterns, and when Clover’s parents found out that she was unable to stop these behaviours, she was taken to a doctor and properly diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome, with her specific tics involving echolalia and palilalia. Clover, at this point, was not particularly bothered by the diagnosis, not really understanding how in particular she was specifically different from other kids and only particularly wanting to get better so that her teachers wouldn’t tell her off when she acted on her tics.

Her parents were significantly more concerned at this diagnosis than Clover was. While they did know that Tourette’s wasn’t too much of a major issue and sought to give their child a happy life over any notions of trying to ‘fix’ Clover, they did know that the syndrome would cause problems for her and sought out ways to alleviate it a bit. Through research, they found that learning an instrument apparently helped to suppress symptoms of Tourette’s, and as such asked Clover whether she wanted to learn how to play an instrument, and if so, what she wanted to play. Clover, having seen people play their instruments while at school, decided that she very much wanted to learn one, and eventually settled on playing the cello, primarily because it had the funniest name out of all the instruments she could find. Over the course of a couple of months, the parents saved up money so that they could buy Clover a fairly good quality cello and scoured newspaper ads to find someone who would teach her for cheap, and eventually, Clover started to play the cello. While learning the instrument, Clover began to become passionate about it in a way more than just finding the name funny, liking the rich timbre the cello made when she played it well, and finding a little bit of pride in being able to control something much larger than her in size. Over her elementary and middle school life, she kept going to cello lessons twice a week. She never really performed or played for anyone other than herself or her teacher, actively avoiding joining clubs in middle school and choosing to instead play the timpani in the high school band, but she practised every day, and slowly began to get better at the instrument.

During this point in time where Clover was in elementary school, Aaron’s work as a milkman and Rainbow’s job as a bartender often meant that they worked during nights and slept during mornings, meaning that Clover often had to get ready by herself in the morning and only got to interact with her parents during afternoons and evenings on school days. To compensate, the one night of the week where nobody in the family had work, the three would always go out of their way to watch a movie together, either at the theaters or on TV. While Clover often enjoyed almost everything that she watched, the movies that brought the best reaction out of her were ones produced by LucasFilm and/or directed by Steven Spielberg, with particular favourites at this time being the six Star Wars films, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and E.T: the Extra Terrestrial. The main reason she loved all these movies, in particular, was due to the fact that each movie had aliens—Clover loved the idea of living beings from outside of her Earth and tended to love any movie or book that had aliens in them, which would be a founding point for her love of science fiction and her growing belief in aliens later on in her life. The family has kept their routine of watching a movie each week throughout the years, although there are often extended periods of time where one family member couldn’t make it due to their work shifts changing. As of Clover’s senior year, the family movie nights are generally only attended by Clover and Aaron, with both parents having troubles being available on the same nights. The two currently use it to watch movies considered so-bad-they’re-good, both using their talking over the movie as father-daughter bonding moments and with Clover currently considering them to be one of the few weekly reprieves from life stresses she receives.

The first half of elementary school passed by without much note. During lunchtimes, Clover would often be by herself, and while she was sometimes pushed by teachers to try and talk to other people, she was happy the way she was not having any friends. However, in the third grade, a new student from the grade above decided that they were going to pick on her, making fun of her Tourette’s whenever she could and oftentimes kicking what she was playing with on the playground while nobody else was looking. Clover, while considering it, did not contact teachers or supervisors about this bullying, as she was worried about what the bully would do to her if she snitched. However, eventually, someone stepped in—namely, one June Madison, who witnessed the bully doing what they were doing and then responded by directly confronting the bully until they got scared and stopped bothering Clover. Clover took a little bit of a liking to June because of this act of protection, and June, despite being unnerved by Clover's tics, also took a liking to Clover because of their shared hobby of reading. The two became friends, and June invited Clover to a friend group, consisting of June, Laci York, Medea Parth, Savannah Adkins, and Eric Peralta. While Clover still tended to like being by herself during playtime periods, eating times and classes were often spent interfacing with this group, and eventually, Clover grew to start interacting with them outside of school in playdates and sleepovers. This period of Clover being involved in the friendship group lasted for roughly the last two years of elementary school and went by without much note. She tried her best to practise and get better at the cello, went through classes and tried to do a good job, and hung out with either her friends or her parents whenever she could.

However, things got quite a bit more complicated during the transition from elementary to middle school. The Wilkinson-Crowheart family was subject to several moves due to issues with rent and economic standing, and when it was time to start middle school Clover was no longer capable of attending the same middle school as her friends. Even worse, due to lack of funds, the Wilkinson-Crowheart household had no internet, and Clover was not able to find other means of communicating with her friend group save for meeting them in person. While Clover tried to take this separation in stride and attempted to try and make friends in this new environment, she was very quickly ostracized from the social order. While mandatory grouping activities would often place Clover in groups with other people, they would often find her weird and freaky to interact with due to her Tourette’s and try to abandon her as soon as possible, meaning that she was nearly always alone during lunchtimes. To add to this, the bully from elementary school had happened to end up in the same middle school and started to pick on Clover again now that she had no friend group to protect her. When other people within the school started to join in, she reported it to parents and teachers and tried to get it to stop, but due to her parents coming on too strong during the initial meeting discussing the bullying, very little was ultimately done to stop it. As thus, Clover was stuck alone during the first half of middle school, spending lunchtimes by herself in places hidden from other students and oftentimes cycling through hiding places in order to stop herself from being found out.

However, during that same school year, Clover’s life did also change for the better. This was mainly because, during Christmas that year, Rainbow getting a raise for her barmaid job meant that Clover’s family was finally able to afford broadband internet. While Clover wasn’t particularly interested initially, the purchase mainly being so that Rainbow could access things for her job in addition to allowing both parents to job hunt more easily, exploration of what her parents were looking at while neither was using the computer and ads Clover found on webpages led her to flash game sites such as Crazymonkey, Nitrome, and Kongregate. Clover found the games particularly addictive to play through, and would often go on the computer in her spare time. Eventually, looking for walkthroughs on particularly troublesome levels led her to YouTube and general Let’s Play, and she eventually started to use the internet as a method of communication with other people. She greatly prefers this communication method to talking in real life, mainly because she has all the time she needs in order to reply to what people are saying and also because it's a place where her Tourettes doesn’t flare up. While Clover would often become silent and stay in the background when she interacted with people in high school, on the internet she became notably more lively and talkative, something that allows her to maintain friendships with the people who manage to get close to her.

During middle school, most of Clover’s friendships with her group in elementary school did not hold. She tried to keep connected with them through email and visits to their houses, but the fact that the rest of the group had transitioned into a different and seemingly happier middle school life left Clover left out of their conversations and resentful that she couldn’t share that life with them. This led to her eventually drifting away from and ghosting the majority of the group roughly a year into middle school. However, Clover eventually found other friends during this period in time. The first was a boy at a music camp her cello teacher had signed her up for named Kyle Emerson. He, like her, tended to sit by himself and did not seem to be quite bothered by Clover’s tics, the former of which she saw was something that they could bond over. She hounded him over the course of the music camp until he gave in and decided to be friends with her, and the two were friends ever since, bonding over shared isolation and musical instruments and communicating with each other over the internet during this period in middle school.

In addition to this, in the midst of her relationships with her old friend group fading away, she was able to maintain and strengthen her friendship with Eric. After her initial ghosting of the group led to her severing ties with them, Eric made a point to chase her down and make sure she was alright, worried about how she seemed to be vanishing out of the rest of the group’s lives. Eventually, she told him the truth about why she was drifting away and came clean with the bullying she was receiving at school. He was receptive to this and came clean with why he was worried—namely, that he had been diagnosed with depression, and that some of the signs Clover was showing were things he saw in himself. He offered to keep in contact and be a friend for her, and she accepted, spending a lot of time out of school hanging out with Eric and being each other’s main venting recipient, the friendship getting closer and closer before eventually, in 8th grade, entering a romantic relationship with one another.

The last notable thing Clover did in middle school was start learning how to play the timpani. During her YouTube binges, Clover went through several LPs of Pokémon Black and White versions, and, amongst other reactions, fell in love with the battle theme for the final boss. Something about how heavy and pounding and non-traditional it was made Clover really want to know what instrument was providing the melody for the song, so she looked it up. After finding out about the existence of the timpani, and listening to the song on loop over the next couple of days led her to decide that she wanted to learn how to play the timpani as an addition to playing the cello. She asked her parents, and they were willing, but while they were able to order a timpani online for her, they weren’t able to find anyone in the area who could teach her the instrument. Undeterred, Clover found YouTube tutorials that would help her do the same thing and began to learn how to play the timpani. She was able to get the basics down before the start of high school, and through playing in the high school’s concert band she has been able to advance herself and learn how to play at a higher level. She likes playing the timpani for similar reasons as she likes playing the cello, but in addition, likes how physically demanding the instrument is to play, the process of making it through a long song often leaving her exhausted, but proud of herself in the end.

Eventually, middle school made way for high school, and this meant a significant change in her social situation. Clover’s family had been able to move back into the same school district as her friends and thus, on her first day at John Endecott, she found herself meeting her previous group of friends once again. Given Clover’s previous existence within the group and their notably quick forgiveness for her ghosting them, both she and K—who had also moved into the school district when he was 14—were absorbed into the group along with another boy named Peyton Hoffman. However, while Clover did have a group of friends and also a boyfriend, she did not have anyone else in her social circle. This is because the experiences Clover had in middle school, while not having much overlap with her current high school, left her notably scared of trying to talk to people and/or expanding her limits past her current circle of friends. She joined the school’s concert band and string ensemble but often found herself on the outside of off-topic conversations and activities. While she understands her own role in her own isolation from the school at large, she also bears a notable amount of resentment and envy towards others for being able to make friends easier than she can. She overthinks the effect her Tourette’s has had on her and blames it for the other issues she has with socializing, oftentimes cringing and dropping out of the conversation if it ever flares up. She also possesses bitterness that others aren’t as aware of her issues as she herself is, finding it patronizing when people express sympathy or try to celebrate her Tourette’s and wishing others knew about what her bullying felt like so they could understand why she doesn’t find physical communication easy.

The early parts of high school, aside from said feelings of resentment emerging, were a fairly calm period in which Clover used to pick up on new hobbies and expand on some previous ones. Being in the concert band and string ensemble, in addition to being friends with Kyle, led Clover to start getting more into listening to music herself. She mostly likes music of the indie and folk genres, finding their approach to sound and storytelling unique and personally appealing. Recently her tastes in music have begun to reach gloomier territories, both because of Kyle’s tastes leaning that way and due to Clover finding it to be more fitting and relatable to listen to. In addition, being in an environment where people actively didn’t shun her allowed Clover to get a little more into film. She joined the school’s movie-watching club on a whim, and, while being as silent as she usually is, was able to passively listen in on conversations regarding the more technical aspects of film construction and gain a little bit more appreciation for the art of film-making in general. In particular, her favourite films are generally of the science fiction genre, films with a slick, fun sort of tone, and films that go for artistic achievement rather than commercial safety. She doesn’t tend to watch movies outside of those she can find for free or those she watches for her family’s movie nights, but occasionally she is able to catch what’s currently popular by going out with those in her friend group.

However, at the end of sophomore year of high school, Clover’s group of friends became fractured. Eric revealed to the group that due to his parents being able to get a higher-paying position in another state, he was going to have to move out of Salem and leave the group behind. While the group as a whole had varying reactions to this given Eric’s lack of warning about this move, none were sadder about this than Clover. She was heartbroken at the idea that this move could cause their relationship to end, which resulted in her trying to put more effort into trying to make it work. After the move, Clover tried to communicate online with Eric nearly every day, and even once managed to save up some money to catch a bus to-and-back to visit him. However, as the COVID-19 pandemic loomed and quarantine started, Eric’s replies began to grow more sporadic and sporadic, something which Clover hoped was because he was busy or trying to deal with his depression. She keeps trying to uphold the relationship, attempting to stay what she sees as loyal to him, but ultimately finds it hard to do so, her resentment and envy often bleeding into the happy couples she sees around school and with her oftentimes entering gloomy periods whenever Eric is nowhere to be found.

Oftentimes, these gloomy periods would lead Clover to dark headspaces. When these happened, Clover’s searches through the internet began to touch on notably horrid subject matter. One night, after an attempt at conversation with Eric went nowhere, Clover’s search through Wikipedia pages resulted in her coming in on pages about SotF. Interest regarding what SotF looked like led her to look at shock sites dedicated to surprising viewers with footage, which resulted in her freaking out and near immediately closing the tab, vowing that she’d never do anything like that again. However, the next time she entered a similar state, Clover’s mind kept fixating on what she saw and she eventually started to look at it again, trying to see how much of it she could bear before freaking out and closing the tab. This began to become a recurring thing, with periods where Clover felt gloomy ultimately leading to her looking at SotF or other gore footage on a laptop her friend group bought her for her birthday in a sort of endurance test and a way to push her outside of her sad moods, through deliberately attempting to override the emotion with another emotion. She doesn’t know the specifics as to why she does it, but she can’t stop herself and has not told anyone else about this in fear that they would think of her as freaky for doing so. She regularly purges her history and makes sure there is no way anyone can walk in on her watching the footage.

Around the same time, Clover also began to start looking at conspiracy theory websites; particularly, ones in regard to the existence of aliens. She devours any news or new theories that supposedly prove the existence of aliens, and latches onto the idea that they exist as a coping method to deal with parts of her own life. She knows that she still has scars from the bullying she received in middle school and that her relationship with Eric has been falling apart over the process of several years and that she doesn’t think her life is going to go in a good direction. Because of this, she dreams that one day aliens will be able to take her away from her life and place her someplace new. She is convinced in the impermanence of her own life, believing that she’s merely just a speck of dust in an infinite universe. During the moments where that idea is latched at its hardest, Clover tries to use these conspiracies as a way of trying to convince herself in her gloomier moments that there’s hope.

While she is unaware of it herself, Clover lives with manic-depressive bipolar disorder. She often swings from an upbeat, energetic almost childish state of mind to a more depressive state plagued with obsessive and uncontrollable thoughts. Oftentimes while she can be notably enthusiastic about the things that she does—being able to function on very little sleep and being able to shrug off anything bad happening to her, though losing the ability to focus on things she doesn’t particularly enjoy doing, like schoolwork—she can just as easily slink back into a state where she can barely muster the willpower to do the same activities. It’s been something that has been present since middle school, but now after she and Eric’s relationship has become more fraught it has become significantly more pronounced, and informs more of her actions than before. Her obsession with aliens is motivated by this subconscious aspect, her desperate belief that they’re real being used as a coping mechanism during her more depressive moments and often reaching unrealistic levels during her more manic phases. Her parents have noticed her behaviour and have discussed amongst one another that it could potentially be mental illness, but have been thus far unable to help Clover with it, professional therapy and care being too expensive for them to afford and Clover shutting down the subject whenever they try to talk to her about it. Some of her friends have also started to notice problems with Clover ever since Eric left, but like her parents have also not been able to get through to Clover, her insisting she’s fine and leaving the subject at that.

Academically, Clover does decently. She puts in the required effort in classes and assessments and generally gets Bs for her work, with the occasional A or C. Her best two classes are science and English, both mainly due to outside factors of science fiction and alien theories bringing genuine passion from Clover while doing the material. Her worst classes are PE and Geography, the former due to the lack of interest she has in doing exercise outside of playing the timpani, and the latter due to the difficulty she has in understanding the complicated classwork. Socially, Clover is generally a non-entity. She has her friend group and she has since managed to pick up a couple of acquaintances outside of said group but otherwise, she’s most well known for being a member of the string ensemble and concert band and not much more.

Sexuality wise, while Clover has always been drawn towards the opposite sex, and is still in a complicated state of relationship with Eric, she’s never particularly felt any sort of sexual attraction towards Eric or others. She believes that that makes her some flavour of asexual, but doesn’t know enough about the specific terms and ideas regarding asexuality to really know what she is for sure. Likewise, she has kept this part of her to herself; she doesn’t particularly know the specifics and doesn’t really want to say anything before she knows everything about it, just in case.

While Clover is unable to envision what life would be like after she graduates since school’s been all she’s known, she has received offers from local orchestras for her to join, as her qualifications as a young person playing the timpani are notably rare. While she has yet to actually pick up any of the offers, she is intending on trying to see whether she can perform in orchestras at a professional level, once her current high school workload eases off. Her relationship with her parents is still notably strong, as even through periods such as middle school and the current situation with Eric they have stuck by her and been nothing but supportive through things such as gifts and movie nights, which Clover appreciates. While she has not been fully open with them about everything—namely, her more hopeless thoughts and what she does on the internet—she displays a notable amount of care for them and seems to love them as much as they love her.

Advantages: Clover’s experience with hiding and staying away from bullies in middle school may be of help when on the island, allowing her to stay away from potential predators and potentially act beneath the notice of the people around her. Her status as a non-entity on the JEM social ladder could serve to her advantage within the game, her forgettable nature possibly allowing her to get away with things her more well-known classmates couldn’t. In addition, her prior experiences with watching SotF and other gore videos could make her more capable of adjusting to certain realities of the game, the sight of gore or killing likely not being as much of a distraction to her as it would be for others.
Disadvantages: Clover has nearly no friends outside of her very small social circle which means that she will have barely any preexisting allies once the game begins. Her issues and difficulty with real-life communication and her self-hatred and self-imposed isolation resulting from said issues might make attaining new allies harder for her than it would be for others. In addition, the level in which her bipolar disorder affects her and given Clover’s complete unawareness of it,f combined with the stresses of the island might result in Clover losing mental stability and performing actions detrimental to her survival.
[+] The Present
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B???: Valentin Shulgin — "..." — 0%
PREGAME — Past: | SM: | Present:
THEME:

G???: Yong Yi "Penny" Yu — "..." — 0%
PREGAME — Past: | SM: | Present:
THEME: Rina Sawayama — Comme Des Garçons (Like the Boys)

G???: Clover Wilkinson-Crowheart — "..." — 0%
PREGAME — Past: N/A | SM: N/A | Present:
THEME: The Killers — Spaceman
[+] The Past
Image Image Image

B003: Jeremy Frasier — "Yeah. No regrets." — 57%
Kills: 2 | Equipped with: Scoped Raging Bull, $1000, Wooden Baseball Bat, Eyepatch, Pancor Jackhammer
PREGAME — Past: ☆ ☆ ☆ | Present: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ | Sadie Hawkins: ☆ ☆
V6: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
THEME: OneRepublic — Love Runs Out

B013: Alvaro Vacanti — "Thank... you..." — 41%
Kills: 3 | Equipped with: MAC-10
PREGAME — Past: ❇ ❇ ❇ | Present: ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ | Sadie Hawkins: ❇ ❇
V6: ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇
THEME: The Megas — The Haystack Principle

G030: Jasmine King — "I win." — 11%
Kills: 0 | Equipped with: Brass Knuckles
PREGAME — Past: | Present: ☻ ☻ ☻ | Sadie Hawkins: ☻
V6: ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻
THEME: Luck Ganriki — golden sneer
[+] The Future
ImageImage

Nicholas "Nick Andretti" Andretti — The Mercenary — "Have a problem? I can help you. For a price."
Teddy "Theodore" Berenson — The Crusader — "Be excellent to each other."
User avatar
MK Kilmarnock
Posts: 2256
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:28 am
Location: On one of the coasts, generally

#2

Post by MK Kilmarnock »

Hey Yugi, Clover's currently denied pending some changes. These current changes are all content-based, as they should change the profile radically enough that doing a grammar sweep at this point is meaningless, and we'll save that for what I assume will be the last round of edits.

Appearance: Splitting hairs, but 5'9" is not on the taller side of average for an American woman; it's five inches taller than the national average of 5'4", which puts Clover firmly in 'above-average' height category.

There are some things in the appearance section which don't strictly pertain to appearance, describing habits and such (examples including noticing her bedhead but then forgetting about it or ignoring it, or buying weird clothes which she may or may not even wear). These are things better served for the biography section and can be pruned from the appearance when not describing her.


Biography:

Where is Dharan Hospital? Including a place like that should be followed up with a locating qualifier. Figuring it might be local, I looked it up and there's a Dharan Hospital in Salem... India, so I'm assuming not that one.
Her name was initially a hyphenation as the parents were not entirely sure which last name to give the child, but as the two parents formally married six years later Clover’s name stayed the same, Rainbow doing so as to not induce confusion in the child and Aaron doing so as he was fond of how much his wife resented her former last name, given to her by her father in the hippie commune.
Besides this being a run-on sentence that could become 2-3 separate sentences, I'm really confused by the content here. Aaron and Rainbow like each other, right? Love each other, even? Why would he find amusement in how much she resented her former last name? If she hated her last name, why was Clover's last name hyphenated to begin with?

So, all the friends in the group were going to the same elementary school. Later on, Clover isn't able to attend the same middle school as them because of a lack of transportation to any school outside of their district. However, if they were all going to the same elementary school, then they should all be living in the same school district, which means they should be going to the same middle school. Elementary schools funnel into middle schools funnel into high schools, is how school districts pretty much all work.

Clarify why her mother is indisposed during the movie nights? Maybe I missed something but after that line in the profile I'm looking for something bad to have happened to her. If it's just her working nights (as you mention previously), say that... though she probably isn't working every night, so they should be able to muster something?

That's it so far, but these changes (particularly the school one) will probably radically affect the profile to the point where other edits are going to have to wait, so we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. My general advice beyond what I've specifically picked out for you is to break up sentences where you can, try to cut out on unnecessary detail and tell the story as direct as possible. I'll see you in the next round.
V8 Characters:
Hades Thompson: Scary on the outside, dying on the inside
Ruth Flanagan: Never talk to me or my brother or my brother or my brother or my brother ever again
Vladimir Tepes: Not a vampire, so invite him in
User avatar
Yugikun
Posts: 985
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:48 am
Location: there is a man standing behind you
Contact:

#3

Post by Yugikun »

Made the changes!
[+] Changelog
- rephrased height so that Clover is stated as above average for her age
- fused two sentences in appearance to cut out the stuff regarding bedhead
- cut out thing re: buying clothes, fused clothes and abduction outfit paragraphs together
- this is what I get for just googling up "hospitals in salem" without looking further into it
- changed backstory on Clover keeping her mother's name to Clover being the one wanting to keep it rather than her dad
- clarified re: movie nights that it's mostly just an availability thing with both parents working night shifts
- clarified Clover's school placement experience to more accurately reflect Salem's policy on student assignment
- did an edit pass through the profile, generally removing em-dashes where I could, splitting up monster sentences, and doing my best to figure out what content-wise wasn't all that relevant and cutting that
[+] The Present
Image Image Image

B???: Valentin Shulgin — "..." — 0%
PREGAME — Past: | SM: | Present:
THEME:

G???: Yong Yi "Penny" Yu — "..." — 0%
PREGAME — Past: | SM: | Present:
THEME: Rina Sawayama — Comme Des Garçons (Like the Boys)

G???: Clover Wilkinson-Crowheart — "..." — 0%
PREGAME — Past: N/A | SM: N/A | Present:
THEME: The Killers — Spaceman
[+] The Past
Image Image Image

B003: Jeremy Frasier — "Yeah. No regrets." — 57%
Kills: 2 | Equipped with: Scoped Raging Bull, $1000, Wooden Baseball Bat, Eyepatch, Pancor Jackhammer
PREGAME — Past: ☆ ☆ ☆ | Present: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ | Sadie Hawkins: ☆ ☆
V6: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
THEME: OneRepublic — Love Runs Out

B013: Alvaro Vacanti — "Thank... you..." — 41%
Kills: 3 | Equipped with: MAC-10
PREGAME — Past: ❇ ❇ ❇ | Present: ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ | Sadie Hawkins: ❇ ❇
V6: ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇
THEME: The Megas — The Haystack Principle

G030: Jasmine King — "I win." — 11%
Kills: 0 | Equipped with: Brass Knuckles
PREGAME — Past: | Present: ☻ ☻ ☻ | Sadie Hawkins: ☻
V6: ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻
THEME: Luck Ganriki — golden sneer
[+] The Future
ImageImage

Nicholas "Nick Andretti" Andretti — The Mercenary — "Have a problem? I can help you. For a price."
Teddy "Theodore" Berenson — The Crusader — "Be excellent to each other."
User avatar
MK Kilmarnock
Posts: 2256
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:28 am
Location: On one of the coasts, generally

#4

Post by MK Kilmarnock »

Hi Yugi, great first pass on Clover. She still needs some work and I still can't do a grammar sweep because of a major impending change.

I'm pleased to see the research you did on the school district's special rules, but that same website also shows that the district only has one middle school. This shows that no matter where you are in the school district, if you go to JEM together, you went to the same middle school. This is actually curious to me as most school districts have a pyramid of lots of elementary schools, fewer middle schools and then even fewer high schools as children develop and are able to handle larger class sizes with larger student-to-teacher ratios becoming more appropriate for learning. This is typically why if you went to the same elementary school as somebody, you go to the same middle school and so on; it's extremely unlikely for something like Clover's situation to happen even if there were other choices available.

My suggestion to you, for an easy solution that involves a minimal rewrite of the profile, is to simply have Clover's parents be forced to move somewhere for a few years due to their economic situation, then have them move back. It doesn't have to be to another state or cross-country, just far enough to get out of the school district.

All the other changes thus far are pretty good.
V8 Characters:
Hades Thompson: Scary on the outside, dying on the inside
Ruth Flanagan: Never talk to me or my brother or my brother or my brother or my brother ever again
Vladimir Tepes: Not a vampire, so invite him in
User avatar
Yugikun
Posts: 985
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:48 am
Location: there is a man standing behind you
Contact:

#5

Post by Yugikun »

Did the stuff!
[+] changelog
- Changed the middle school and high school paragraphs stating that Clover had been in a different school district by the time of middle school due to moves but had moved back to the correct school district in time for JEM.
- Changed the meeting with K from in middle school to at a music camp that took place in middle school.
[+] The Present
Image Image Image

B???: Valentin Shulgin — "..." — 0%
PREGAME — Past: | SM: | Present:
THEME:

G???: Yong Yi "Penny" Yu — "..." — 0%
PREGAME — Past: | SM: | Present:
THEME: Rina Sawayama — Comme Des Garçons (Like the Boys)

G???: Clover Wilkinson-Crowheart — "..." — 0%
PREGAME — Past: N/A | SM: N/A | Present:
THEME: The Killers — Spaceman
[+] The Past
Image Image Image

B003: Jeremy Frasier — "Yeah. No regrets." — 57%
Kills: 2 | Equipped with: Scoped Raging Bull, $1000, Wooden Baseball Bat, Eyepatch, Pancor Jackhammer
PREGAME — Past: ☆ ☆ ☆ | Present: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ | Sadie Hawkins: ☆ ☆
V6: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
THEME: OneRepublic — Love Runs Out

B013: Alvaro Vacanti — "Thank... you..." — 41%
Kills: 3 | Equipped with: MAC-10
PREGAME — Past: ❇ ❇ ❇ | Present: ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ | Sadie Hawkins: ❇ ❇
V6: ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇
THEME: The Megas — The Haystack Principle

G030: Jasmine King — "I win." — 11%
Kills: 0 | Equipped with: Brass Knuckles
PREGAME — Past: | Present: ☻ ☻ ☻ | Sadie Hawkins: ☻
V6: ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻
THEME: Luck Ganriki — golden sneer
[+] The Future
ImageImage

Nicholas "Nick Andretti" Andretti — The Mercenary — "Have a problem? I can help you. For a price."
Teddy "Theodore" Berenson — The Crusader — "Be excellent to each other."
User avatar
MK Kilmarnock
Posts: 2256
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:28 am
Location: On one of the coasts, generally

#6

Post by MK Kilmarnock »

APPROVED
V8 Characters:
Hades Thompson: Scary on the outside, dying on the inside
Ruth Flanagan: Never talk to me or my brother or my brother or my brother or my brother ever again
Vladimir Tepes: Not a vampire, so invite him in
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