BEST KILL AWARD:
KILLER: S118: BETTY QUINN [Catche Jagger], VICTIM: S113: OAKLEY YORK [Grand Moff Hissa]
I may end up pleasantly surprised here, but I predict this will be, in comparison to some of the other kills, a niche choice. I do not entirely know why I feel this way, but I have a hunch. To start, it is somewhat of a daunting read—the actual act of violence that results in the death is only the tip of the iceberg, and after that, a one-shot and a second thread before the death occurs.
Of course, that is not to call it an incorrect choice or miscalculation. There was a method here from the start—that much is certain. And from the word go, the execution was brilliant. I think the decision to open the scene "in medias res" was bold but paid in dividends. It allows the readers to skip any unnecessary preamble and cut directly to the meat and bones of the scene.
In this case, that would be the debate between Betty Quinn and Oakley York and the subsequent undoing of the latter. The argument itself is very engaging. There is an implication in each word said on both sides of the coin, but the scene is nonetheless hazy and obscure in a captivating way. The handler of Oakley York heightens this opaque feeling by excluding the actual plans or motivations of the character. He is the unknown factor in a grand equation—unfortunately, Betty Quinn solves him, a Gordian solution to the problem.
Subsequently, Oakley takes a passive role in the following two scenes. That is a reasonable choice for a character who has just suffered a serious (and eventually fatal) head injury. Here, his handler exercises a good sense of timing and an ability to change voices on the fly. The prose becomes vague but in a different way. It is floaty and blurry as if submerged in a thick semi-solid. On occasion, the camera seems to pan out and gives us a more detached (but still engaging) view of the situation.
Then, we end up with the Shakespearean death of Oakley York, which I think is good—and not just because of its unexpected nature. It was shocking at the time, but it stands on its own. There is an unexplainable melancholy there. By the end, Oakley York was destroyed utterly: he could no longer comprehend where he was, what he was supposed to do, or even the horrible fate that had befallen him.
I will also give examples of some of my favorite lines here to showcase my favorite bits of dialogue and narrative.
Grand Moff Hissa wrote: ↑Fri Oct 21, 2022 7:17 am
"Well," he said, closing his eyes for a moment and continuing to watch the light change through his eyelids, "I don't know if the right question is really what I'm planning to do."
He tucked his hands into his pockets, breathed out, and opened his eyes again to watch the cloud dissipate.
"I think it's a lot more interesting to ask: if you were me, what would you do?"
This section introduces the argument between Betty Quinn and Oakley York. It sets up the immediate cohesive throughline of the ensuing conversation and cuts right to the heart of the matter.
Grand Moff Hissa wrote: ↑Fri Oct 21, 2022 7:30 am
"You've seen those memes about the trolley problem?" he asked. "What it sounds like you're asking is, do you flip the switch to send it down a track filled with bodies, if at the end of the line there's a slot machine?"
He laughed again, but there was an edge of derision to it now.
"Oh, but you're not asking if it's a good idea. You're asking what I would do if I were you."
He shook his head more firmly now, rolling his shoulders. It was chilly out here, even as morning properly broke. He wondered if he would be leaving this spot alone or with company. Right now, the former was looking more likely.
"If I was me," Oakley said, "I'd probably roll the dice. I'm fairly lucky, and I trust myself to stand at the lever. But if I was
you..."
A quieter chuckle now.
"...I guess I'd ask somebody else."
Grand Moff Hissa effectively and convincingly makes Oakley a genuinely menacing presence in this post. There's an implication of what Oakley might do, but there's a level of uncertainty that only makes the situation more unsettling.
Catche Jagger wrote: ↑Fri Oct 21, 2022 7:39 am
Oakley’s answer was met with dead air, which seemed to carry for some time before Quinn’s voice returned, but quieter and closer, a clear edge of anxiety coloring the words.
“Oakley, do you… believe in anything?”
Even as someone who tends towards verbosity and long-windedness, I can recognize a good, short post—this is one. There is a mixture of anxiety and disbelief and disgust and shock, all in a six-word span. This question is poignant and holds even more gravity as the thing that ultimately seals the fate of Oakley York.
This answer is entirely predictable but stems so consistently from the character that it is impressive. I believe that the handler was remarkably in-tune with the voice, despite the short time the character was around.
Grand Moff Hissa wrote: ↑Sat Oct 22, 2022 4:20 am
Oakley was pleasantly impressed with Betty, personal complications she was causing aside. She had a strong sense of timing after all. That was some good dramatic irony. Here Oakley had flattered himself into imagining standing at the lever, never suspecting that he was already tied to the tracks.
I like this section and how it relates to the earlier mention of the trolley problem. That is all—not a lot of commentary on this other than that it is good and warrants mention.
Grand Moff Hissa wrote: ↑Thu Nov 03, 2022 4:00 am
Closer inspection would reveal that, aside from the clothes he wore, Oakley had nothing on him. He still had his mismatched fingerless gloves—left black, right red—but the ostentatious zebra stripe hat he'd worn on the bus was missing. But it wasn't just that. His bags were nowhere to be seen. Not a scrap of equipment or personal belongings remained.
Even his wallet was gone.
I think this is an example of the ability of the handler to switch voices on the fly, changing the manner of description easily and quickly. It is different from the rest of Oakley York but remains in tune with the rest of the narrative.
Grand Moff Hissa wrote: ↑Sun Nov 13, 2022 7:31 am
And there, in a flash, was something that Oakley had been trying to remember for days and weeks, though he'd finally gotten it down pat a few days before the trip, and so it rolled out at first with the natural cadence that came to iambic pentameter only through arduous practice:
"I will be brief, for my short date of breath
Is not so long as is a tedious tale.
Romeo, there dead, was husband..."
But his voice trailed off. Everything was very fuzzy. His brows came together, but unevenly with the damage to his eye.
"Romeo," he said, "there dead, was...
"Romeo...
"Romeo, there dead, was husband to..."
His frown deepened. He'd always hated flubbing lines, and that at least was still a clear thought. His enunciation had fallen apart, slurred and broken, and he took a deep and rasping breath but it just wasn't coming.
But these people were kind, and gentle, even if Oakley couldn't see them or tell who they were precisely, even if he didn't know where he was or what was going on. It was bright but cold, and he might be still in bed, and maybe it would be better to close his eyes and take the time he needed, and he'd remember everything when he woke up. There'd been something that felt really, really important, but maybe it actually wasn't, just like missing a line didn't matter when you weren't on stage. It could wait, couldn't it? There'd be time.
This sequence is crushing to read, in my opinion. I discussed it earlier, but I believe it deserves a specific mention—the prose is good. Anyway, I think that is all for this vote, so...
BEST DEATH AWARD:
S019: ROBIN VALENTI [Pippi]
So, Pip is one of my favorite writers on the site. I imagine it comes with the territory of having so much experience with SOTF, but I have found myself drawn heavily to her work. This death, I am pleased to say, is no exception. I was astonished that he was our first out because, at the time, it seemed like Pip was going for the finish line with him—he was one of the most prominent characters in V8 Pregame, and in a version where Pregame turnout was notably low, that made him stand out. But that is not the only thing that makes this death notable. Aside from the scene itself, with its framing and blocking, both done with a deft hand, the posts are jam-packed with evocative and emotional sentences that hit like a freight train.
I will point to some of my favorite lines as examples here.
Pippi wrote: ↑Fri Oct 14, 2022 12:34 pm
Each word indistinguishable from the next, each sound a dull soft thud, cargo sinking down to the depths of the sea. He was in the side room at a party, hearing but not comprehending the conversation happening in the lounge. He was awake in the middle of the night, only half-lucid, a light filtering through the crack under his bedroom door, incomprehensible words being exchanged right outside of it.
I tend to be someone drawn naturally to repetition. As I have found out—the hard way—that is not an easy beat to sell. You run the risk of belaboring the point, which reduces the impact. I think these lines are great examples of how to do repetition right. Pip is excellent at writing evocative imagery, which makes the repetition much more pleasant and bearable to read than it otherwise would. These lines paint a clear picture and are easy to imagine.
Pippi wrote: ↑Fri Oct 14, 2022 12:34 pm
Maybe she’d changed her mind. Maybe she was going to leave him. Maybe she was going to save him. Maybe he was long, long gone already. He felt a sense of warmth on his cheek, a kind of tenderness he hadn’t experienced for years, something he had thrown away for foot on the podium and a medal of fool’s gold.
Again, a combination of skilled uses of repetition, albeit in a different manner. Here, instead of weaving in evocative imagery to justify the repetition, Pip uses the snappy, repetitive nature of the first four sentences to deliver a series of emotional punches. Then, the second half of the last sentence captures another piece of evocative imagery—I imagined the scene of Robin basking in a victory in my head with ease.
Pippi wrote: ↑Fri Oct 14, 2022 12:34 pm
Engine off.
Red flag: session will resume in one hour's time.
S019 - ROBIN "ROMEO" VALENTI: DECEASED
I think that there is an art to writing a closing line. They are the capstones and keystones to your story, especially in a medium like SOTF, where death is frequent, final, and, for the most part, inevitable. Here, Pip again bats a home run. I like the use of an allusion to describe the actual process of Robin dying. It is novel and thematic. All in all, this is a solid end to our would-be F1 superstar.
