Their voices rang out in the air as Janice made her move. It was just enough to stop the knife from killing her, but it was enough. Janice had gotten a hit in, she could not tell how good it was due to her attempting to intercept it, but it got her reeling. That she could tell from her face: it was sown with fear.
Janice's eyes bore into this girl, the same one that had slapped her around a few days ago and had just given her something to the side. It was time to pay her back.
"Should...have..."
Their little fight was similar to the other one, but this time she was sure there wasn't enough fight in her to stop it. She clenched her knife in both hands and tried to hammer it into her.
"Waited your turn!"
An Inevitably Bad End
Day 4, Evening - Private
Lily watched in horror as Janice lept upon her friend, wielding that knife with murderous intent.
Up until that point, even after everything that had happened, there was a part of her that wanted to give Janice the benefit of the doubt. A part of her that wanted to believe that there was some kernel of truth to what she said about Piper, that there was some horrible misunderstanding that led to what happened between her and Tana. That deep down, she could still be reasoned with, maybe even convinced to walk away from the path she'd undertaken.
It was clear now that Janice was beyond reason. She saw nothing but malice, desperate violent hatred, what little humanity Janice clung onto having long been shredded. She had embraced the game whole-heartedly right from the get-go. Even after a fatal injury like that, she wouldn't stop. Not until either all her enemies were dead, or...
Lily scrambled for the shard, lost somewhere in that scuffle and blending into the bloody snow that surrounded them. Though she was unable to find it, she did happen across a familiar weapon, lifting her urumi's handle as her heart sank.
In that moment, with only seconds to spare, she found herself faced with an impossible decision. One she had long dreaded ever since she first woke up, knowing full well that sooner or later she would find herself in a position like this. She had always struggled with hard decisions, never one to find much enjoyment in games that revolved around making difficult choices. She liked to believe that there was always a third option, a reasonable compromise, something that could make everyone happy.
Unfortunately, not everything in life could be resolved with compromise. Not everyone can be reasoned with. And she didn't have enough time to consider the alternatives, not when her friend was moment's away from death.
All those thoughts flashed through her head in an instant, a flurry of doubts and terrifying realisations, before she finally grasped the flailing ends of those ribbon-like blades and darted forward. She wrapped those blades around Janice's neck, tugging back as she used her urumi like a makeshift garrote wire, using her body weight to violently pull the girl away from her friend.
She ground her teeth as those blades dug deep into her palm, not relenting as Janice began to thrash and flail. She couldn't stop, no matter how much she wanted to. Not until she was certain that Janice couldn't hurt anyone anymore.
"STAY DOWN!" she cries out in fury, falling back and pulling Janice along with her, laying on the ground with her thrashing opponent atop her. "STAY DOWN!" she cries again, almost begging as tears begin to flow freely.
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, STAY DOWN!!!" she cries one more time, screaming violently as she made sudden flossing motion in an attempt to hasten the inevitable.
Up until that point, even after everything that had happened, there was a part of her that wanted to give Janice the benefit of the doubt. A part of her that wanted to believe that there was some kernel of truth to what she said about Piper, that there was some horrible misunderstanding that led to what happened between her and Tana. That deep down, she could still be reasoned with, maybe even convinced to walk away from the path she'd undertaken.
It was clear now that Janice was beyond reason. She saw nothing but malice, desperate violent hatred, what little humanity Janice clung onto having long been shredded. She had embraced the game whole-heartedly right from the get-go. Even after a fatal injury like that, she wouldn't stop. Not until either all her enemies were dead, or...
Lily scrambled for the shard, lost somewhere in that scuffle and blending into the bloody snow that surrounded them. Though she was unable to find it, she did happen across a familiar weapon, lifting her urumi's handle as her heart sank.
In that moment, with only seconds to spare, she found herself faced with an impossible decision. One she had long dreaded ever since she first woke up, knowing full well that sooner or later she would find herself in a position like this. She had always struggled with hard decisions, never one to find much enjoyment in games that revolved around making difficult choices. She liked to believe that there was always a third option, a reasonable compromise, something that could make everyone happy.
Unfortunately, not everything in life could be resolved with compromise. Not everyone can be reasoned with. And she didn't have enough time to consider the alternatives, not when her friend was moment's away from death.
All those thoughts flashed through her head in an instant, a flurry of doubts and terrifying realisations, before she finally grasped the flailing ends of those ribbon-like blades and darted forward. She wrapped those blades around Janice's neck, tugging back as she used her urumi like a makeshift garrote wire, using her body weight to violently pull the girl away from her friend.
She ground her teeth as those blades dug deep into her palm, not relenting as Janice began to thrash and flail. She couldn't stop, no matter how much she wanted to. Not until she was certain that Janice couldn't hurt anyone anymore.
"STAY DOWN!" she cries out in fury, falling back and pulling Janice along with her, laying on the ground with her thrashing opponent atop her. "STAY DOWN!" she cries again, almost begging as tears begin to flow freely.
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, STAY DOWN!!!" she cries one more time, screaming violently as she made sudden flossing motion in an attempt to hasten the inevitable.
She had her on the ropes. This girl was done-for; as soon as she stopped struggling with the knife, Janice would have twice the supplies. Not necessary, but a bonus for all the trouble they've caused her. That would make up for everything.
"Just... hold still already!
There was a sound behind Janice, snow crunching beneath boots that rushed up behind her. Suddenly, her airwaves went tight. Something was constricting around her throat, and Janice could immediately tell who it was by the voice. She was screaming.
She shouldn't have taken her eyes off her.
That can't be right; this bitch spent all this time crying and shit! Not like Janice! She stepped up! She knew what had to be done! She has what it takes!
"Fuck grkhou!"
Janice's hands reached up and held onto the blades, cutting into her hands. She let go of her knife in the process as she struggled against this new restraint around her throat, as it slowly garroted her, tearing into the flesh and letting loose a waterfall of blood onto her clothing and the snow beneath them.
No! She can't! Janice wasn't supposed to be one of the victims! She was a winner! A survivor! She took initiative while the rest stayed huddled and sad, crying themselves to sleep!
Her eyes were bulging out of her head as she frantically tried to stop her from ripping her throat to pieces, but every attempt was fought back; every time she tried to stand, she was forced back down again.
asjghkjkradontjyghtrwannagihgjyhirt
Janice started gurgling on the spot. Blood and spittle spilled from the corner of her mouth as her eyes rolled back into her head, and her hands slowly lost their grip strength, but keeping hold of the garrote.
fasaunfairfasfggh
There was no struggle anymore. Only blood and flesh were left.
S100: Janice Cresner: Deceased
"Just... hold still already!
There was a sound behind Janice, snow crunching beneath boots that rushed up behind her. Suddenly, her airwaves went tight. Something was constricting around her throat, and Janice could immediately tell who it was by the voice. She was screaming.
She shouldn't have taken her eyes off her.
That can't be right; this bitch spent all this time crying and shit! Not like Janice! She stepped up! She knew what had to be done! She has what it takes!
"Fuck grkhou!"
Janice's hands reached up and held onto the blades, cutting into her hands. She let go of her knife in the process as she struggled against this new restraint around her throat, as it slowly garroted her, tearing into the flesh and letting loose a waterfall of blood onto her clothing and the snow beneath them.
No! She can't! Janice wasn't supposed to be one of the victims! She was a winner! A survivor! She took initiative while the rest stayed huddled and sad, crying themselves to sleep!
Her eyes were bulging out of her head as she frantically tried to stop her from ripping her throat to pieces, but every attempt was fought back; every time she tried to stand, she was forced back down again.
asjghkjkradontjyghtrwannagihgjyhirt
Janice started gurgling on the spot. Blood and spittle spilled from the corner of her mouth as her eyes rolled back into her head, and her hands slowly lost their grip strength, but keeping hold of the garrote.
fasaunfairfasfggh
There was no struggle anymore. Only blood and flesh were left.
S100: Janice Cresner: Deceased
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MethodicalSlacker
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It was a tug of war, and then it wasn't. The force that pushed against her suddenly left her, and Amaryllis stumbled forward an uneasy step. She watched as Janice was ripped away, watched her choke and writhe and bleed all over the ground, flailing about like a child having a tantrum. And then Amaryllis watched her go still, watched her stop kicking, watched her go limp. And for a while, Amaryllis did not breathe. It was as if it was her neck that had been cut to ribbons, that she was on the ground, suffocating in her own blood, clawing the air, reaching out at her own life drifting away from her.
Amaryllis stood, panting.
Then, she turned and fell to the side, and started to puke her guts out, all over the snow, mere inches from Janice's lifeless feet.
Sounds like frog croaks, hollow sobs, tears that came from God knows where.
It would not stop. Everything in her stomach, and then it felt like her stomach itself made it out onto the ground in front of her.
And when it was done, she was still heaving, retching, trying to get something else out of her; the memory of what she had just seen.
Amaryllis stood, panting.
Then, she turned and fell to the side, and started to puke her guts out, all over the snow, mere inches from Janice's lifeless feet.
Sounds like frog croaks, hollow sobs, tears that came from God knows where.
It would not stop. Everything in her stomach, and then it felt like her stomach itself made it out onto the ground in front of her.
And when it was done, she was still heaving, retching, trying to get something else out of her; the memory of what she had just seen.
Lily lay there in the snow, staring aimlessly into the void as her chest heaved in and out.
She didn't look at the body on top of her. Didn't need to, she could tell there was no life in the soulless husk anymore. It was an empty sack of flesh and bones, formerly known as Janice Cresnar.
The urumi slipped from her shaky fingers, grunting as she found herself acutely aware of the intense amount of pain her hand was in. Though her glove had provided some padding, those spindly blades still managed to dig deep into her palm, the sting worsening as her adrenaline rush began to wear off. Shoving Janice off, she rolled onto her side and gripped her hand tightly, teeth clenched as she felt her chest tighten.
She focused in on that pain, trying to drown out the other thoughts swirling around her head. Thoughts of guilt, doubt and intense self-loathing that felt alien to her. A deep, suffocating feeling of shame that briefly overwhelmed her, followed by flashes of alternative scenarios detailing what she could have done instead, a rapidfire barrage of What Ifs as the reality of her actions began to sink in.
Lily was able to briefly claw her way out of that hole as she overheard her friend retching nearby, turning to Amaryllis with tear-soaked eyes.
"A... Am?" she asks, her voice hoarse as she crawls towards her ally. "Aa-Aaare y-yoou-you... Oo-k-kay?" she stutters, face bloodied and on the verge of tears, desperately trying to remain calm despite the burning desire to scream until oblivion.
She didn't look at the body on top of her. Didn't need to, she could tell there was no life in the soulless husk anymore. It was an empty sack of flesh and bones, formerly known as Janice Cresnar.
The urumi slipped from her shaky fingers, grunting as she found herself acutely aware of the intense amount of pain her hand was in. Though her glove had provided some padding, those spindly blades still managed to dig deep into her palm, the sting worsening as her adrenaline rush began to wear off. Shoving Janice off, she rolled onto her side and gripped her hand tightly, teeth clenched as she felt her chest tighten.
She focused in on that pain, trying to drown out the other thoughts swirling around her head. Thoughts of guilt, doubt and intense self-loathing that felt alien to her. A deep, suffocating feeling of shame that briefly overwhelmed her, followed by flashes of alternative scenarios detailing what she could have done instead, a rapidfire barrage of What Ifs as the reality of her actions began to sink in.
Lily was able to briefly claw her way out of that hole as she overheard her friend retching nearby, turning to Amaryllis with tear-soaked eyes.
"A... Am?" she asks, her voice hoarse as she crawls towards her ally. "Aa-Aaare y-yoou-you... Oo-k-kay?" she stutters, face bloodied and on the verge of tears, desperately trying to remain calm despite the burning desire to scream until oblivion.
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MethodicalSlacker
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Brief, strangled open-mid vowel sounds, and the way they scraped against the back of her throat.
She then heard a voice that could still speak. The reason that they were both still here. A reason for about half of the writhing she had perceived to be the now-corpse's.
Amaryllis kept making the sound, stayed doubled over, and pointed to the cut traced shallow across the back of her arm. She tried to speak; it would still not come out.
So one hand came up from the ground to give a shaky thumbs up.
And then she collapsed to the side of the vomit, unable to hold herself up on the cut arm by itself.
She then heard a voice that could still speak. The reason that they were both still here. A reason for about half of the writhing she had perceived to be the now-corpse's.
Amaryllis kept making the sound, stayed doubled over, and pointed to the cut traced shallow across the back of her arm. She tried to speak; it would still not come out.
So one hand came up from the ground to give a shaky thumbs up.
And then she collapsed to the side of the vomit, unable to hold herself up on the cut arm by itself.
/ 
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/ 
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- Lily nodded her head, her lips forming a faint smile of relief in response to that thumbs up, before quickly disappearing as Amaryllis collapsed.
She closed her eyes, taking a moment to take a deep breath. Bottling away her pain and anguish, putting a lid on it all long enough to do what needed to be done. She'd have plenty of time to grieve once they were safe and indoors.
Letting out a long exhale, she reached down to help her friend up. "C-come on, let's get you inside..."
She assisted Amaryllis to her feet, providing a shoulder to lean on if need be. A grunt escaped as she put pressure on her injured thigh, biting down on her bottom lip to ignore the pain long enough to get out of the snow. She stopped briefly to scoop up her weapon, quickly followed by Janice's unusual knife and her dufflebag. Her body she ignored for now, blotting it out as she helped get Amaryllis inside.
Once they were back indoors, she'd help Amaryllis down onto a bench before slumping beside her, biting down on her glove and tugging it off with her teeth to assess the damage. Those spindly blades left several nasty cuts along her palm, forcing her to rely on her other hand to rummage through Janice's things for a medkit, splashing her cuts with antiseptic before pulling out a bandage to wrap it up.
Her hand bandaged and taken care off, she then focused on tending to her friend, doing whatever she could to help deal with the nasty gash on her arm. Anything to get her mind off the corpse outside, to suppress her emotions long enough to make sure they were okay.
She closed her eyes, taking a moment to take a deep breath. Bottling away her pain and anguish, putting a lid on it all long enough to do what needed to be done. She'd have plenty of time to grieve once they were safe and indoors.
Letting out a long exhale, she reached down to help her friend up. "C-come on, let's get you inside..."
She assisted Amaryllis to her feet, providing a shoulder to lean on if need be. A grunt escaped as she put pressure on her injured thigh, biting down on her bottom lip to ignore the pain long enough to get out of the snow. She stopped briefly to scoop up her weapon, quickly followed by Janice's unusual knife and her dufflebag. Her body she ignored for now, blotting it out as she helped get Amaryllis inside.
Once they were back indoors, she'd help Amaryllis down onto a bench before slumping beside her, biting down on her glove and tugging it off with her teeth to assess the damage. Those spindly blades left several nasty cuts along her palm, forcing her to rely on her other hand to rummage through Janice's things for a medkit, splashing her cuts with antiseptic before pulling out a bandage to wrap it up.
Her hand bandaged and taken care off, she then focused on tending to her friend, doing whatever she could to help deal with the nasty gash on her arm. Anything to get her mind off the corpse outside, to suppress her emotions long enough to make sure they were okay.
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MethodicalSlacker
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Maybe it was Amaryllis' own disordered state, still dizzy with nausea even after being moved inside—or maybe it was the cumulative effect of surviving the past few days in general, that she was here at all, driving her slowly to madness—but as her and Lily got to work on each other's respective injuries, she could not help but notice that there was something deeply intimate about dressing another's wounds.
She first experienced this as the patient. Though the wound on her arm was shallow, it stretched long over the back of her arm. Dressing such a wound would not be simple—thus Amaryllis talked Lily through the process, advising her on how to best arrange the patchwork quilt of dressings such that it would not come springing apart at her first sudden movement. The antiseptic stung something fierce. It elicited sharp inward breathes and winces, even as she steeled herself against flinching.
Next it was her turn to play doctor. Thank God that Janice had missed Lily's knee. You might as well put someone down at that point, out here, if they had a cut-through or shot-out knee. Dressing the thigh wasn't too hard, even if Amaryllis' arm was still giving her trouble, while she waited for the ibuprofen to kick in. The worst part was realizing partway through that she was hungry, and that she had taken the pain reliever on an empty stomach. Oh well. She could deal with that later, as much as she'd have to. It wasn't as if she'd chugged pills straight from the bottle. Her liver would be fine.
Once the last of the bandages was wrapped around Lily's leg, Amaryllis sat back and sighed.
"There we go," she said, "right as rain. Just don't play with it. I know it's tempting."
Amaryllis turned away from Lily and started to rummage through her own bag, looking for something to eat.
"Thanks, by the way. That's, um. Not the first time you've pulled me out of a grave."
She first experienced this as the patient. Though the wound on her arm was shallow, it stretched long over the back of her arm. Dressing such a wound would not be simple—thus Amaryllis talked Lily through the process, advising her on how to best arrange the patchwork quilt of dressings such that it would not come springing apart at her first sudden movement. The antiseptic stung something fierce. It elicited sharp inward breathes and winces, even as she steeled herself against flinching.
Next it was her turn to play doctor. Thank God that Janice had missed Lily's knee. You might as well put someone down at that point, out here, if they had a cut-through or shot-out knee. Dressing the thigh wasn't too hard, even if Amaryllis' arm was still giving her trouble, while she waited for the ibuprofen to kick in. The worst part was realizing partway through that she was hungry, and that she had taken the pain reliever on an empty stomach. Oh well. She could deal with that later, as much as she'd have to. It wasn't as if she'd chugged pills straight from the bottle. Her liver would be fine.
Once the last of the bandages was wrapped around Lily's leg, Amaryllis sat back and sighed.
"There we go," she said, "right as rain. Just don't play with it. I know it's tempting."
Amaryllis turned away from Lily and started to rummage through her own bag, looking for something to eat.
"Thanks, by the way. That's, um. Not the first time you've pulled me out of a grave."
Lily found it tricky to follow Amaryllis' instructions with one hand partially shredded up. She was able to pinch with her fingers without it hurting too much, but struggled greatly whenever something pressed against her palm. At the very least it was her left hand that was damaged instead of her right, since she was able to hold onto the urumi's handle back when she...
Well, eventually she was able to stitch her friend up nicely, before holding her breath as Amaryllis returned the favour. The intimacy of it all wasn't lost on her either, though she did her best to not overthink it too much as Amaryllis bandaged her thigh.
"How, uh... How bad is it?" she asks, gesturing to the slice across her face, poking the inside of her cheek with her tongue again just to be sure it wasn't too deep. "You think I can end up rocking this look, or..." she adds, forcing a chuckle in an attempt at some levity.
She let out a sigh as Amaryllis finished, leaning back against a locker to wipe her brow as her companion thanked her. "Oh, uh..." she replied, turning her head. "Don't mention it."
In that moment, now that they were safely indoors and bandaged up, those thoughts and feelings from earlier began to return with a vengeance. She looked away from Amaryllis as her breathing sped up, her nails digging into the bench as her she felt her chest tighten.
"I mean, I..." she continues, sniffling. "Th-thank you for, um... For saving my bacon out there, too" she added, her eyes starting to well up as she struggled to remain calm.
"I-I mean..." she continues, biting her bottom lip. "If it wasn't for you, I... I don't know if I would have..." she choked, finally giving up on holding herself back. Her face scrunched up and head slumped forward as tears flowed freely, letting it all go as she began to weep.
She wept for her friend Tana, whose life was stolen from her before she even realised it.
She wept for Piper, who she knew so little about.
She wept for Liya, who deserved better than becoming another name on a list.
She wept for Janice, who was ultimately just as much a victim as everyone else.
She wept for Janice's parents, who would never see their baby girl again.
She wept for all the countless Natalie Lovett's in the world, who had to grow up without their siblings and loved ones.
She wept for all the many hundreds of young men and women who were forced to make similar choices, over the past twenty-or-so years that these games had been taking place.
She wept for...
Well, eventually she was able to stitch her friend up nicely, before holding her breath as Amaryllis returned the favour. The intimacy of it all wasn't lost on her either, though she did her best to not overthink it too much as Amaryllis bandaged her thigh.
"How, uh... How bad is it?" she asks, gesturing to the slice across her face, poking the inside of her cheek with her tongue again just to be sure it wasn't too deep. "You think I can end up rocking this look, or..." she adds, forcing a chuckle in an attempt at some levity.
She let out a sigh as Amaryllis finished, leaning back against a locker to wipe her brow as her companion thanked her. "Oh, uh..." she replied, turning her head. "Don't mention it."
In that moment, now that they were safely indoors and bandaged up, those thoughts and feelings from earlier began to return with a vengeance. She looked away from Amaryllis as her breathing sped up, her nails digging into the bench as her she felt her chest tighten.
"I mean, I..." she continues, sniffling. "Th-thank you for, um... For saving my bacon out there, too" she added, her eyes starting to well up as she struggled to remain calm.
"I-I mean..." she continues, biting her bottom lip. "If it wasn't for you, I... I don't know if I would have..." she choked, finally giving up on holding herself back. Her face scrunched up and head slumped forward as tears flowed freely, letting it all go as she began to weep.
She wept for her friend Tana, whose life was stolen from her before she even realised it.
She wept for Piper, who she knew so little about.
She wept for Liya, who deserved better than becoming another name on a list.
She wept for Janice, who was ultimately just as much a victim as everyone else.
She wept for Janice's parents, who would never see their baby girl again.
She wept for all the countless Natalie Lovett's in the world, who had to grow up without their siblings and loved ones.
She wept for all the many hundreds of young men and women who were forced to make similar choices, over the past twenty-or-so years that these games had been taking place.
She wept for...
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MethodicalSlacker
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"It looks fuckin' badass," Amaryllis said. It wasn't a lie. "Just disinfect and it'll scar over nicely. Then it'll match the one I got, on my finger."
She showed her hand, pointing out the cut. The scars were not at all the same, not by how they looked, nor by how they were earned. It was a story she had told one way and lived another; to most, it was a knife fight wound, or when she really wanted to be scary, something you didn't want to know how exactly she got it. To her family and friends, people she could trust, it was because she was making a costume without thinking it through and hurt herself, and had to get stitches. Amaryllis didn't think of it as lying, exactly. More like, embellishment. Like, how else she could make a good story out of something pointless and stupid?
But Lily was the real deal. Not just a killer—a warrior. A hero.
Amaryllis wished that Lily could see that, if not now, then later, somehow. That against all of the odds, she had kept her humanity in the face of absurd terror. As Lily was taken by body-wracking sobs, and the weight of everything came crashing down, Amaryllis rose from her place on the floor, took a seat next to Lily on the bench, and pulled her in close, wrapped steady arms around her as she shook. It didn't occur to Amaryllis that it might be too much, to let Lily lean into her; all she wanted was to take Lily's pain and guilt away.
"It's okay," she said softly. "It's okay. I'm here. I got you."
Because none of it was Lily's fault.
Not the ones she couldn't save, nor the ones she had to protect herself from.
None of it was her fault.
"I got you," Amaryllis said again, this time at a whisper, low.
Her own tears began to flow, silently.
Her own faults, for letting Liya run away, for sparing Janice, for making Lily kill, Amaryllis bore it all—silently.
[Amaryllis Peszek-Byrne continued in Terminal Paradise.]
She showed her hand, pointing out the cut. The scars were not at all the same, not by how they looked, nor by how they were earned. It was a story she had told one way and lived another; to most, it was a knife fight wound, or when she really wanted to be scary, something you didn't want to know how exactly she got it. To her family and friends, people she could trust, it was because she was making a costume without thinking it through and hurt herself, and had to get stitches. Amaryllis didn't think of it as lying, exactly. More like, embellishment. Like, how else she could make a good story out of something pointless and stupid?
But Lily was the real deal. Not just a killer—a warrior. A hero.
Amaryllis wished that Lily could see that, if not now, then later, somehow. That against all of the odds, she had kept her humanity in the face of absurd terror. As Lily was taken by body-wracking sobs, and the weight of everything came crashing down, Amaryllis rose from her place on the floor, took a seat next to Lily on the bench, and pulled her in close, wrapped steady arms around her as she shook. It didn't occur to Amaryllis that it might be too much, to let Lily lean into her; all she wanted was to take Lily's pain and guilt away.
"It's okay," she said softly. "It's okay. I'm here. I got you."
Because none of it was Lily's fault.
Not the ones she couldn't save, nor the ones she had to protect herself from.
None of it was her fault.
"I got you," Amaryllis said again, this time at a whisper, low.
Her own tears began to flow, silently.
Her own faults, for letting Liya run away, for sparing Janice, for making Lily kill, Amaryllis bore it all—silently.
[Amaryllis Peszek-Byrne continued in Terminal Paradise.]
Lily didn't resist when Amaryllis pulled her in close. If anything she welcomed it, clinging tightly as she hugged her back, burying her face against her friend's shoulder as she continued weeping. And even if she didn't, it wasn't as if she had the will to say no anyway, her mind a battlefield of conflicting notions.
On the one hand, there was the part of her that tried to justify what had happened. Janice was a confirmed player who'd attacked first, after all, one who had also killed a friend of hers. If she didn't put a stop to her there and then, she might have gone and hurt more people, starting with herself and Amaryllis.
But then there was the part of her that questioned whether it was ever right to justify such a thing. That if she started convincing herself that killing for one reason was okay, then what if she started excusing other reasons? Before long she could end up hardly any better than Matthew, who apparently thought shooting a hostage was okay if they annoyed him too much?
In the end, she suspected the answer - like most things in life - lay somewhere in the middle. She couldn't dehumanise players like Janice, treat them like monsters instead of fellow victims of an ongoing tragedy. But neither could she let what happened eat her alive from the inside, not if she wanted to survive this ordeal with her sanity intact.
For now though, none of that mattered. She had the rest of her life to dwell over those thoughts, to ponder whether or not things could have gone differently. Right now, she needed this. Needed to let it all go, so that come morning she could focus on the future without dwelling on the past.
She was relieved, at least, that she didn't have to face that uncertain future alone.
((Lillian Larsen continued in Terminal Paradise))
That night, Lillian found herself playing out the same dream that had been plaguing her from the beginning.
This time however, it was a little different.
This time, the victim found themselves strung to a tree with strips of razor sharp metal.
And she was the one holding the scalpel.
On the one hand, there was the part of her that tried to justify what had happened. Janice was a confirmed player who'd attacked first, after all, one who had also killed a friend of hers. If she didn't put a stop to her there and then, she might have gone and hurt more people, starting with herself and Amaryllis.
But then there was the part of her that questioned whether it was ever right to justify such a thing. That if she started convincing herself that killing for one reason was okay, then what if she started excusing other reasons? Before long she could end up hardly any better than Matthew, who apparently thought shooting a hostage was okay if they annoyed him too much?
In the end, she suspected the answer - like most things in life - lay somewhere in the middle. She couldn't dehumanise players like Janice, treat them like monsters instead of fellow victims of an ongoing tragedy. But neither could she let what happened eat her alive from the inside, not if she wanted to survive this ordeal with her sanity intact.
For now though, none of that mattered. She had the rest of her life to dwell over those thoughts, to ponder whether or not things could have gone differently. Right now, she needed this. Needed to let it all go, so that come morning she could focus on the future without dwelling on the past.
She was relieved, at least, that she didn't have to face that uncertain future alone.
((Lillian Larsen continued in Terminal Paradise))
That night, Lillian found herself playing out the same dream that had been plaguing her from the beginning.
This time however, it was a little different.
This time, the victim found themselves strung to a tree with strips of razor sharp metal.
And she was the one holding the scalpel.