Survival Of The Fittest

Kimiko turned her gaze over towards Vanessa with a quizzical look on her face. The mood in the room had suddenly shifted as Vanessa seemed to have changed tact. The tone of her voice had changed and Kimiko wasn't sure what to make of it.

Whether the other girl had become so used to her presence she was no longer scared of her, Kimiko couldn't safely say. She knew she didn't want to answer Vanessa's question because neither of them would have liked the answer but Vanessa seemed intent on forcing the issue. Kimiko wasn't sure if it was all bravery on Vanessa's part. A part of it would have been of course, but this wasn't the same situation as with Ben and Raina on the cliffs. They had each other and therefore an advantage in numbers. Vanessa was alone without a weapon as far as Kimiko could tell, of course there was always the potential for Vanessa to have a weapon hidden on her person.

That doubt rolled around in the storm in Kimiko's mind just one of many others. If Vanessa did have a weapon hidden there was the potential she had been trying to make Kimiko drop her guard. Just like she herself had done previously to Nancy. Maybe she had been attempting to do that only to switch tactics to trying to goad her over. Kimiko couldn't be sure either way. She couldn't even be sure Vanessa had a weapon, but she needed to respect the possibility.

She raised her hands up, beginning the process of spelling out her answer only to stop and let them drop. Her eyes met Vanessa's and she gave a resigned shrug.

Kimiko knew, Vanessa surely knew, but there was no other way.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? How hard is it to say yes or no? Or hand it out, whatever."

Vanessa couldn't quite pin what was irking her about this situation, outside of Kimiko's reluctance to actually answer her question properly. As much as the brush off was annoying, there was something about the topic itself that was just putting her on edge.

Maybe it was because she herself didn't know how to react to either answer. Would she take a promise of pacifism at face value? Try to talk Kimiko out of continuing her killing if that was the plan? Until she actually had a response, there was no real way for her to know.

"If you're going to go and kill like, half a dozen people, you can at least show a little fucking commitment either way."

Ok, commitment to more murder would be a bad thing, and maybe that wouldn't have been her first choice of wording if she said it again, but she knew what she meant. She really hated it when people were being wishy washy, even when it was about killing more people apparently.

At the end of the day, she just needed Kimiko to quit it with the ambiguity already so that she could make her own mind up.

Vanessa continued to push her for an answer. Kimiko was beginning to expect Vanessa to try something, maybe she was trying to get an answer and would try to kill her if she said yes. Maybe she was just trying to place her as a threat. There were a lot of potential options for what Vanessa wanted to gain from the line of questioning but Kimiko couldn't narrow down what one Vanessa was working towards.

Mentally Kimiko was preparing for the situation escalating. There was no solid way to say it would but it was better to be prepared for the eventuality then not. Her hand started to drift down slightly to the gun still in her pocket but Kimiko caught herself and instead picked at the bark on the tree. She didn't have to answer Vanessa, she knew that, but she couldn't lie to someone who was innocent as far as she knew. Vanessa's name hadn't shown up on the announcements at any point.

The way the other girl was talking riled her though. Demanding that she 'show commitment'. Kimiko knew Vanessa would have seen things on the island, at the point they were at everyone would have. The comment bothered her however. Demanding commitment to her either being the monster that Vanessa expected and wanted her to be or not. As if it was such a simple decision. Did she believe that one day Kimiko had woken up and decided she would kill four people, including Caleb? One of her best friends, someone who had truly loved her and sacrificed themselves for her. What level of ignorance did Vanessa possess to say something like that?

Kimiko's feelings of hurt and rejection, of being treated like a monster were beginning to turn to anger. She raised her shaking hands and spelled out a message.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, ok, yeah, you're right. I don't know what I'm talking about. But you know what? I'm not the one here fucking about going all-" she exaggerated a shrug and pulled a derp-eyed expression. "-about the whole thing."

She was definitely getting pissed off now. As always, she was playing just as big a part in getting herself to that point as Kimiko's indifference was pushing her there, but damn it she had some words that needed saying.

"So, no, I don't know anything about killing people. I haven't actually had the inclination there, Kimiko." the words were coming out in an oh-so-sarcastic tone at this point, as her mouth ran ahead of her brain. "But like, does that mean I'm supposed to just stand here, let you go off and maybe kill someone, maybe not? What kind of person would that make me?"

She was biting her lip as she took a moment's pause, shifting her weight between her feet whilst turning to look away from the source of her irritation, trying to compose her thoughts. It didn't last long, and soon she turned back.

"Christ, I mean, how hard is it? Either you've decided to fuck up and kill everyone you meet, because you want to go home more than them, or you've decided not to be a fucking monster, and you put the gun away for good. If you're like ‘Oh fuckin' ay I don't know either way, derpaderp' and you wind up shooting half the people you meet but not the rest, then what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Vanessa went off on a rant which seemed to have no end. Kimiko knew the better thing would have been to stop and think about what she was doing. If she lost her composure she could have been caught off-guard by something she hadn't noticed but sometimes it was easier to think about how you shouldn't be doing something than being able to stop yourself from doing it. That was the problem Kimiko was having. Vanessa wasn't the primary cause of her anger; she was just the conduit for it.

Anger had been steadily building up in Kimiko ever since the group on the cliff had rejected her presence. It was compounded by all the other events that had happened over her time, Clarice's rejection, the fight with Isabel and the conversation with Nancy. Everything had been building inside waiting for a moment to be released. That moment seemed to have arrived and even though Kimiko knew that she shouldn't have she moved off branches of the tree and stepped closer to Vanessa.

Her hands moved fast, still shaking as she tried to contain the fury she was feeling. She hadn't felt a surge of anger like the one she was experiencing since that last conversation with Bradley.

"Would you prefer I just killed everyone I met? So, I can be the monster you want me to be?"

A few minutes ago, Vanessa probably would've flinched when Kimiko advanced, shaking with obvious anger. Right now, though, their (technically one-sided) shouting match was taking precedence other any survival instincts.

She patiently watched Kimiko's jittery signing, then threw her own hands up as the message came across. She was starting to do some shaking of her own, thanks to the frustration building over this whole thing.

"Were you even fucking listening? I said there's two things you can do here! Two! One of those is not being ‘the monster I want you to be'!"

She pressed a palm to her forehead, groaning loud and clear at Kimiko's tunnel vision. She didn't exactly consider this complicated.

"Ok, first of all, I don't want you to be a monster. I don't know what you've been doing, except killing people, but I don't think that means, like, you're automatically fucked up permanently? I mean, fuck, people kill under circumstances like this, shit happens."

She paused. Reflected on some of the killers. Continued.

"Ok, that's doesn't mean it's ok, but you get what I mean?"

"What I'm trying to say is, you can do the right thing right now, and decide not to go on killing more people. Just, decide you're not going to be the monster, or some shit like that. I mean, hey, I've gone this whole time without so much as punching someone in the face. That's got to mean something, right?"

She nodded at Kimiko with her eyebrow arched, signalling for some confirmation that she wasn't wasting her breath, and that maybe she was starting to get it already?

Kimiko exhaled and thought about what she was doing. Her anger was still there, urging her to act, to lash out against Vanessa but she kept it at bay, boiling below the surface. It was prevented from boiling over due to the fact that Vanessa was right. Kimiko had a choice and she had already made it, she knew she would need to kill again. She wasn't sure if Vanessa had truly been put in a life and death situation. it was clear that she had certainly never been near someone like Isabel or Nancy.

If she had been Kimiko wasn't sure if her attitude and feelings towards the choices, they had to make would be the same. Maybe they would have been even then, if she would have could keep her viewpoint even after an experience like that she would have been a better person than Kimiko could hope to be, she just wished she could have been brave enough to keep viewing the world that way. Vanessa even seemed to think that there was still something salvageable within Kimiko herself.

She wasn't so sure she agreed with the sentiment. She was adrift from the rest of her classmates, unable to re-join them or take back what she had done no matter how much she may have wanted to change things. Her devising of the plan and commitment to enacting it had also served to drive a self-made wedge between her and the others. A recognition of what her plan entailed, simple, selfish acts. Whether they would be judged as evil by those who would observe what she was doing after the fact didn't matter to Kimiko as much as she considered them evil. She wasn't doing it for herself though, she was carrying more on her shoulders than her other classmates could have known.

It was why she agreed with Vanessa's sentiment but couldn't fully commit to it. She knew that her own actions had driven her into the corner she was now trapped. As much as she wanted to be more than a murderer, deep down Kimiko agreed with it. Her one arguable good act on the island was primarily motivated by convenience rather than any desire to help others and it did nothing to balance out the others.

Her body may have left the asylums basement but Kimiko wasn't sure her spirit had.

She steadied her breathing and raised her hands again to respond.

"It's not that simple."

"Yes, it is."

No room for negotiation, no need for hesitation, this was as cut and dry as things came. Throw the gun away, stop being a murderer, be better for it. Saying otherwise was just making excuses.

"You could say to me," choice of words "'oh, I've started doing this now, I better finish it', but that's just going back to commitment again. And, honestly, I don't think you actually want to kill everyone. I haven't been shot yet, for starters. Again, thanks for that."

She was offering Kimiko a smile now, a little bit of a sympathy if not quite understanding of her situation. There was still that hint of impatience about Kimiko's whole dilemma, but that couldn't be helped.

"Only person who's going to tell you you have to keep doing this is you, y'know? Anyone tries to tell you otherwise, you tell ‘em to fuck right off. Hell, you don't even need to spell it out. Just give ‘em the old one finger salute."

"What do you think? Sound good?"

Vanessa's words did sound good but Kimiko found herself thinking about how she didn't deserve them. She appreciated the meaning behind them however and Vanessa was right. Despite that Kimiko was sure the meaning she was getting from Vanessa's words wasn't what the other girl had intended. Vanessa's message of giving up killing because the only person she needed to answer to was herself had the opposite effect. Kimiko remembered the main reason she was doing what she was doing. Her goal of ensuring Caleb's sacrifice wasn't in vain was why she was taking the path she was. She had come up with her plan and everything linked to it to achieve that one goal.

Maybe no one would understand in the end, or maybe they would and she would still be branded as selfish and cowardly. In a way that assessment was also correct, Kimiko couldn't run from that. She was selfish and cowardly but there was still an underlying current of some humanity wasn't there? The desire to ensure someone she cared about died for something more.

She nodded to Vanessa and spelled out a thanks, then moved past the girl and out of the room.

Vanessa probably wouldn't realise quite what she had done or potentially she could have in a small way.

Kimiko's resolve had been strengthened. It had just been strengthened in a way Vanessa may not have intended.

They may hate her or think her a monster. But Vanessa was right in the end, she only had to justify her actions to herself, anyone tried to tell her otherwise, 'tell ‘em to fuck right off'.

Commitment was key.

((Kimiko Kao continued elsewhere...))

Kay, looked like she had gotten through to Kimiko. Probably. Kind of hard to tell.

All the same, she let out a sigh of relief when Kimiko went on ahead, taking her gun and her kill streak with her. That could've gone a lot of ways, but not being shot at was definitely her preferred outcome. She also wasn't looking forward to Kimiko asking if she wanted to 'team up', or something. Kind of hard to work with a stranger who's confirmed as armed and dangerous, but she wasn't so sure Kimiko would've just politely accepted a no.

Still, all things considered, she'd hopefully done some good with her advice. She might've even saved someone's life, if Kimiko remembered what she'd said. Hey, that'd be cool.

She looked around the room another time, lingering, glancing at the corpse again. Then she caught herself hanging around for no good reason, and moved on.

((Vanessa Stone continued in Keep Cam and Carry On))