Survival Of The Fittest

"You brought your clothes with you...? Damn, girly, you must be exhausted. I left all my crap back at the hut, didn't want to carry around more than I had to..."

Exhausted? Might as well be an understatement. She'd rested her body just barely enough to stay upright for the day, and her mind was already starting to go blank for a few seconds at a time, dozing off to semi-sleep whenever it thought Ema wasn't doing anything important. Every few seconds, she'd snap 'awake', and remind herself she really needed some genuine sleep.

But something seemed wrong to Ema, just for a moment. She couldn't put her finger on it, but it just appeared to her that there was something Hayley and Kyle weren't telling her. It just felt too odd a set of coincidences to come together, but... no, maybe she was just paranoid. After all, she was on Survival of the Fittest, paranoia's the name of the game, but if she couldn't even trust the few friends she had, well, who could Ema trust? Maybe it was blind faith, or just mental exhaustion, but Ema decided to perish the thoughts from her mind. If it still seemed wrong tomorrow, maybe she'd be alert enough to think about it all properly. Then again, Hayley did look awfully uncomfortable, and not just because she was cold, wet and underdressed...

"I think I'm alright for now. Maybe in the morning?"

Apparently not underdressed enough, though. Oh well, saved Ema the trouble of rooting through her things again. Meanwhile, Hayley seemed considerably more incredulous about Kyle's proported lack of tiredness than she herself was, and quite understandably. By that point, Ema could quite easily have dropped where she stood. The last two days had really taken it out of her. In fact, that sounded rather inviting... she offered Hayley a towel to dry herself off with, and a blanket to keep her warm in lieu of being fully clothed... she shut her eyes, "Just for a second, I need to... rest them for... just a second...". That's what she told herself. Just for a second.

"A second" later, Kyle had already finished gathering his and Hayley's things and was in the process of bringing them over to their chosen camp site. He leaned against a large rock, alongside him a mean looking sword, glinting faintly in the starlight. Pretty, really, Ema had always had a thing for nicely designed swords.

"You can fit too, right? Come on, it's so comfortable. I can't even."

Again with the aimless trails of thought, not at all helped by her drowsy state of mind, Ema had completely forgotten about Hayley. She looked around, trying unsuccessfully not to look startled, to find her ex-girlfriend curled up atop the towel, wrapped up in that so-very-inviting blanket. Surely Kyle wouldn't mind, right? Not like Ema was dangerous competition for romance, a little oddball like herself. Besides, she was over Hayley by now, wasn't she? Totally... definately? Probably. What difference did it make anyway? It was just sharing a blanket, not like they were doing anything else. Hayley's state of undress totally wasn't a factor in it.

No, Ema definately wasn't thinking about the risqué matching bra and panties - nor the alluring body they contained - as she managed a rather weak "I guess...".

She certainly wasn't trying to forget what Hayley had done to her less than a year ago, as she shrugged off her hooded coat and let it fall haphazardly into the dirt.

There was absolutely no way she was wishing things had gone differently when she finally crawled up next to her friend, pulling the thin material tightly around herself.

Because she was totally over Hayley. No second thoughts about the relationship they used to have. No regrets about not taking it as far as she'd like to have. They were just two friends, sharing warmth on a cold night.

The last thing Ema heard before she dropped off, before her semi-conscious arm found it's way across Hayley's shoulder, was that same voice in her mind. It just wouldn't let her be.

"Who the fuck do you think you're kidding, eh?"

The whole thing was totally easy.

This wasn't a big deal. Right? Sleeping in the same...uh...towel as your friend? That was normal, right? Well, nothing else about the situation as a whole was normal, but sleeping with a friend was normal. For girls, anyway. She'd had a million sleepovers with Maddy and sometimes one of them would forget a sleeping bag or an air mattress was broken or something and they'd slept in the same bed. Totally no big deal at all. They'd just slept. And the fact that Hayley's clothing was practically non-existent or that Hayley and Ema had dated or that the tension in the air could be cut with a knife or that Hayley was in no way over Ema-

Hold that thought, okay? Just hold it.

It was normal and easy and no big deal. Obviously.

She curled up under the blanket, next to her friend, her mind blanking, barely conscious of the arm that draped across her shoulder...

...



Time passed.

Hayley Kelly's mind had an unusual way of working. Her dreams were a sympathetic mind's way of spicing up what was, by her standards, an absurdly boring mind. Her dreams were frequent, colorful, unusual, and she regretted waking up from even the bad ones. Even those- the zombie apocalypses, the demonic dreamscapes, and yes, even the dreams of being on Survival of the Fittest- were more interesting than her everyday life. Anything was, anything would be. Normalcy was the worst thing in the world, and any escape from the mundane was an escape. No matter how awful that escape was.

Now, with her situation anything but mundane, her sleep was dreamless.

She awoke to find herself as close to Ema as she could have managed, her body having unconsciously apparently pressed into hers. Ema's arm was still around her. She had no way of knowing if Ema was awake- she couldn't see her face- but...she didn't move an inch.

Might as well enjoy this moment. It's not gonna last much longer.

...

Five minutes of peace, and then, static.

Hayley sat up immediately, reaching for her bag, which Kyle had thankfully moved nearby. She spared him a quick look, seeing that he was still awake and alive, before returning to the matter at hand.

"Do you kids know what makes Uncle Danya happy?..."

She dug through her bag for her cigarettes. She was going to need one in a minute.

"Things like... fine cigars, roast dinners, quiet nights in with Mrs. Danya... those things make Uncle Danya happy. But what also makes Uncle Danya happy is when his beloved students are game for the competition."

She retrieved the pack, plucking a cancer stick from within- counting and finding she had been doing a damn good job of rationing thus far- and returning the pack to her bag, searching for a lighter.

"Ladies and gentlemen of Bayview secondary school. You are making me a very happy man indeed. Not content with your fantastic showing across day one, you decided to not only match but exceed yourselves!"

She paused, lighter in hand.

"The second day of our little competition saw twenty-one students bite the dust, buy the farm and shuffle off their mortal coils! Kids... my hat is off to you."

"...Holy shit."

Twenty one?! God, how many is that now? Like...forty? Jesus fucking Christ...

Twenty one students. Twenty one more chances for Maddy or Alex or Dutchy or Isabel or Jay to die.

On the bright side...it wasn't just me. ...Wow, terrible human being much?

She lit the cigarette.

The announcements went about as well as she could have hoped. This time, more than last, she took mental note of the names that Danya spoke. She recognized a few, though none well enough for her to mourn them. Eve, for example- she had a baby, right? Damn, that's...that's really awful... She almost laughed at the mention of Jonathon- serves him fucking right -but for obvious reasons, she no longer felt like doing anything like being happy.

"Eleventh to die was one Steve Barnes, who found out that Hayley Kelly losing her head meant him losing his..."

"Ha. Ha."

Hayley's voice was bitter.

"Danya needs to learn that puns are the lowest form of humor..."

She took a long drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke away, drawing the blanket close to her. Not looking at Ema. She wouldn't. She couldn't.

I can't do this.

The night passed. Kyle watched the ocean, listening to the gentle sound of the waves. He fell into a meditative state, letting his mind filter through the events of the last two days. No students approached them, with night time travel being an almost certain death sentence- there was, after all, a bear somewhere on the island. He tried not to react with jealousy when Hayley unconsciously snuggled closer to Ema- it didn't matter. He trusted Hayley would remain faithful. And then... the thing he had been dreading.

Danya was happy, elated, even, with the results of the previous day. 21 students. That meant that there were now 210 left on the island, if they had started with 250. How large was the senior class, anyway? 250 seemed like a good estimate. Hayley's name stood out, although Kyle didn't think that was anything about her name- just that he had been listening so strongly for it. He stood taller, stretching his exhausted muscles. His eyes were carefully locked on Ema, who could attack Hayley at any moment- he didn't think she would, his first impression of her had been that she was fairly gentle.

Hayley was already taking a drag of a cigarette. Frankly, Kyle wished he could join her- something to remove his stress would be welcomed, but he had no addiction or dependency for nicotine. Also, cigarette smoke made him wheeze. He sat down beside Hayley, putting a comforting arm over her shoulders. No words filled his head as the "appropriate" thing to say. There was nothing to be said. Any words of comfort would ring hollow. The repercussions of the announcements were a huge deterrent from the concept of playing. There was no anonymity if you played, nothing to keep your identity secret, except maybe losing your mind and fashioning a ninja mask from your own pants. And only then if the collars didn't transmit the identity of the wearer.

It didn't take Ema long to drift off. The last time she'd slept beside another person was over ten years ago, as a child. She'd had recurring nightmares, and could only get any restful sleep in her parents' arms. When she thought about it, and she often did, Ema often attributed her seeming inability to dream to those nights. Regardless, laying down next to someone bestowed an inexplicable comfort and sense of safety, letting the exhausted young girl skip her usual half-hour of laying awake, and skip straight to sleep.

With her subconscious in control, Ema's body didn't wait long before it began to shift, gradually moving closer to Hayley, gripping a little tighter with the one arm draped across the other girl. Whether she was merely moving closer to the nice-feeling source of heat, or if there was a less innocent, albeit non-conscious, motive, was anyone's guess.

---

Morning came too soon. Sapped of energy as she'd been, Ema could quite happily have slept until noon, perhaps later. It started with faint sunlight, colouring her eyelids enough to change the blackness Ema saw to a deep red shade of almost-translucent flesh. Half-awake, she fought it, turning her head back towards the darkness, trying in vain to stop herself from fully awakening.

It was hopeless, though, for the moment she realised where she'd accidentally put her face - almost pressed straight into Hayley's chest - she almost-instantly regained full consciousness, and resisted the urge to jerk away... because she didn't want to wake Hayley up, if she was still sleeping, not because she was enjoying it, of course. A few minutes passed like that, and although Ema knew she wouldn't be getting back to sleep, nor was doing so a good idea, she enjoyed the relaxation. The closest thing to a lie-in she'd likely ever get again, might as well savour it.

But all good things must come to an end. Through unseen speakers, a screech of feedback sounded, followed by a few moments of static. Hayley was roused, if she hadn't been awake already, and she got up. Ema rolled over onto her back, pushing the blanket off of her. Looking down at herself, she started to think about how disgusting her clothes had become from two days straight of hiking. The thoughts didn't get very far, as Danya began to speak.

"Do you kids know what makes Uncle Danya happy?..."

"Nope, but I guess I'm about to find out," Ema grumbled, sitting up. The loathsome man seemed awfully laid back, pleased with himself. Then again, he probably had good reason, since he actually enjoyed the 'fun' of his 'game'. Ema even did the air-quotes, in spite of not actually speaking her thoughts.

"Things like... fine cigars, roast dinners, quiet nights in with Mrs. Danya... those things make Uncle Danya happy. But what also makes Uncle Danya happy is when his beloved students are game for the competition."

Yup, an extended... metaphor? Not really a metaphor, but whatever. Extended innocent sounding part, followed by the predictable sadism. Game for the competition, Danya-speak for "Doing lots of murdering."

"Ladies and gentlemen of Bayview secondary school. You are making me a very happy man indeed. Not content with your fantastic showing across day one, you decided to not only match but exceed yourselves! The second day of our little competition saw twenty-one students bite the dust, buy the farm and shuffle off their mortal coils! Kids... my hat is off to you."

Predictable indeed. Either Ema was developing clairvoyance, or Danya was an easy man to read. He probably did it intentionally, Ema decided, as part of his TV personality. Wait... was she considering the mainstream-media implications of the announcement? Ema almost physically slapped herself, and started paying attention to what Danya was actually saying. Twenty one more students dead. Added to the nineteen from yesterday, that made a round forty. Forty more statistics that might have been Ema herself. As bad as it made her feel, she counted herself lucky she'd survived so far, not wanting to think about the fact that there was now an even greater proportion of people-that-would-kill-her to people-that-probably-wouldn't.

After that, came the names. At first, not unlike day one, none of them meant much to Ema, decidedly unsocial as she was. She paid attention at "Eva Lancaster", before realising that she was thinking of an "Eve", not an "Eva". Hayley looked uncomfortable. Kyle looked like he was bracing himself for something. Neither could bring themselves to look at her, it seemed.

"Are you guys..." she began, about to ask if something was wrong, if they knew something she didn't. Before she could even begin down the trail of thought as to what it could be, Danya again interrupted.

"Take a bow, Eve Walker-Luther, for your starring role in Sarah's creative masterpiece."

The sentence was broken off instantly, a breath catching in Ema's throat. Eve was dead? The one new person she'd met on the island that she'd felt safe around, the young mother with the weird mannerisms, dead? She'd only known Eve for a few hours, but the news hit Ema like a physical blow, the one sort-of-friend she'd gained had already been cruelly taken away, first by fleeing, now by death. Ema's mouth remained open, halfway through forming the O in "okay", whilst the rest of her face sank.

The next few names passed over her ears entirely unnoticed. Jaw still agape, expression still ashen, Ema only had time to consider the percieved spite in Eve's death. But something managed to penetrate the fugue, something far more soul-crushing. It was instantly recognisable as what Hayley and Kyle had been nervous about. What they hadn't been telling her.

"Eleventh to die was one Steve Barnes, who found out that Hayley Kelly losing her head meant him losing his."

Hayley Kelly. The same Hayley Kelly that Ema had just spent last evening with. The same she'd just slept alongside. The same she'd dated almost a year prior. The same she couldn't quite get over her crush on. The same that was sitting not ten feet away from Ema that very instant.

"Ha. Ha. Danya needs to learn that puns are the lowest form of humor..."

That was all she had to say for herself in response? A bitter, snide remark at Danya's sense of humour? Somehow, impossibly, Ema's face had sunk even further into it's expression of speechless horror, not at all helped by Hayley's remarks. She didn't even consider that there could be extenuating circumstances. That it could've been an accident, or in self defense. She didn't think for a moment that Hayley's conscience was thinking the exact same things as Ema herself was. There was room only for one thought. A loud, shouted one.

"You killed him!?"

That one lead to another. Quieter. Vulnerable sounding.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

And one last one, just barely above a whisper.

"Why... why did I have to hear it from... him?"

"You killed him!?"

Hayley didn't want this. Didn't need this. Couldn't do this. Not right now. Not ever.

You knew this was coming. You had time. You could've thought about it all night if you wanted to. But what were you expecting when you killed him? That all of your friends would just not give a shit, be all like, oh it's okay, it's just Hayley, I'm sure it's no big deal? What the fuck? Unless you're a fucking idiot, and maybe you are, that would explain a lot, you knew this was coming from the second your sword hit that boy's neck. What was his name? Steve? Not that you care.

Shut up, okay? Shut up. I know. I'm stupid. I shouldn't have waited. I just wanted everything to be okay for one night at least, you know? One fucking night, and I got it.

And was it worth it?

Yeah, it fucking was. So shut the fuck up. And don't act like you know how I feel.

Of course I know how you feel, honeybee. I am you.

Fuck you. Just...fuck you.

Real mature. You're the one who can't deal with the real world right now. You're the one who can't deal with the nasty, icky, gross thoughts she's having and you're the one who has to act like it's someone else having those thoughts for you. You're sad, you're pathetic, and you're not cut out for this game.

If you're gonna be a killer, fucking own up to it.

Otherwise, go ahead and off yourself now. It'll hurt less.



Hayley hadn't moved yet. Her cigarette was burning slowly, wasted, and she sort of cared but she didn't really because she had plenty left and anyway if she took a pull right now she would look like she was ignoring Ema but she already looked like she was ignoring Ema and she was so glad that Kyle was there because this was impossible, unlivable, undoable alone, hell it was undoable either way but at least this way she could pretend that not EVERYONE hated her even though she was pretty sure everyone hated her including Maddy and Alex even though they were being nice probably because they didn't want her to go crazy and kill them too and Kyle probably hated her too but he was being nice out of some sense of duty or something and now Ema would hate her too but what was she supposed to do this was for their own good all of it all of it all for them she couldn't she wouldn't she loved them this was for-

She realized she'd been holding her breath.

Inhale.

Exhale.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

Quieter. Less anger. More...hurt. Hurt again. So much hurt, everywhere, everyone, hurt.

You did this. I did this. Me.

She noticed she was shaking and took a long drag of her cigarette to at least keep her hands steady.

"Why... why did I have to hear it from... him?"

Quieter still. Him. Danya. King of the island at least in his own head.

King Douchebag.

King Asshole.

King Motherfucker.

And I lied to her and HE told her the truth. He's more honest than I am. Beyond horrible. Me, beyond horrible. God...fucking...dammit.

She shook her head, mainly to reassure herself. Of what? Who knew. No one knew, least of all her. She found herself speaking, somehow, her voice shaking like her hands still were and her words coming from somewhere she didn't know.

"I wanted a night. One night. One more night of peace, one more night to pretend that we're not here, one more night where you wouldn't hate me and where the rest of our fucking school wouldn't be afraid of me and where I could pretend that everything was okay. And...and I knew you'd find out, and I knew I should tell you, but I didn't want you to leave, and I...I don't know."

Her excuses sounded weaker and weaker as they were spoken.

"I don't know. I'm an idiot. I know I'm an idiot. I...I'd seen a body, and then he...Steve came out of nowhere, and I was so afraid he was going to hurt us, so I...attacked first. I didn't mean...I didn't want...I'm not playing."

Keep lying, honeybee. You've always been good at it.

Not even the energy to yell at herself remained.

"I just want to keep everyone alive. You... both of you. Maddy, and Alex, and Jay and Dutchy and Isabel and anyone else you guys want to keep safe. We're all supposed to die here, but...I'll protect everyone for as long as I can. I'm not that strong, but I can try, and I will never, ever let anything bad to happen to you."

Her voice got stronger as her words became honest.

"If you want to leave now, I'll understand. Lies of omission are still lies, so I lied to you. I...that was stupid. I shouldn't have done that. If you leave, I...I'm glad I got to see you, at least. Glad I got to...spend one night with you."

Something like a blush. Really? Now? Oh, I'm sure Kyle is loving this.

"But I don't want to let you go, because if I hear your name on the announcements, I...won't be able to deal with it. I need to be there to make sure you're safe. I don't want to...end up alone."

Selfishness all over.

"So...please stay. I promise, it's all the truth from here on in."

Don't make promises you can't keep.

Kyle winced slightly at the damning tone in Ema's voice. It didn't surprise him, but at least she didn't react violently. Hayley was staring ahead, her cigarette burning down slowly. Ema asked another question, quieter, slipping into despair. And a third, quieter still. Hayley finally piped up, explaining herself. It felt weak, and Hayley knew it too, her voice weak and low.

One night. One night before they were wanted people, one night before they were dead men walking. Kyle wasn't sure if Hayley was aware, but he certainly was: Hayley's presence in a group was a danger to everyone in that group. There was a reason why players very rarely traveled in groups. One night. Who could begrudge her that? For his part in it... of course he wasn't going to just tell somebody. Especially if Hayley had specifically avoided saying it. One night. To be with her ex-girlfriend? It was strange that she had said that so... blatantly, especially with Kyle there. He forgave her, of course. How could he not? If she turned to him and said that she still loved Ema, and that she had made a choice, Kyle would.... Well, he would be upset, surely. But still, he would walk away if that was what Hayley wanted. One night....

Hayley had fallen silent. She was shaking a little, probably keeping back tears. Gently, Kyle hugged her slightly. She had said her piece, now it was time for his part.

And he had nothing. What could he say? Sorry for lying to you? Hayley had already said that, what more could Kyle say that would make it better? There was nothing to make this better. This wasn't something that could be fixed by eloquent apologies, or explanations. Kyle could snap at Ema, put her on the defensive, keep her from probing at Hayley... but he wouldn't. Hayley would almost certainly disprove.

For the second time in as many days, Kyle felt absolutely useless. A wave of nausea and fear washed over him, his willfully strong chains bending against the raging of his obsessions. His grip tightened on Hayley's shoulder and he gagged slightly. With some effort, he calmed his unsettling feelings.

For those few seconds after hearing Danya's words, with what followed being drowned out by her own thoughts, Ema found the entire situation wholly inconcieveable. Someone she thought she knew had killed a person. She didn't spare a thought for the circumstances, she merely took it at face value. Hayley had killed someone.

But, as always, Ema's mind worked fast. The weight of what she'd heard bore down on her, giving her pause for a few seconds, but as that passed, she began to contemplate at great speed. She didn't think she knew Hayley, she did know her. She wasn't a murderer, and wouldn't become one after less than two full days. That much was certain.

Not only that - and if she hadn't seen it for herself, Ema would never have believed it - but Hayley almost looked like the announcement had hit her harder than it had Ema herself. She already knew what was going to be said, she knew what she'd done, so to be so profoundly affected by it, Hayley was surely not proud of it.

"I wanted a night. One night. One more night of peace, one more night to pretend that we're not here, one more night where you wouldn't hate me and where the rest of our fucking school wouldn't be afraid of me and where I could pretend that everything was okay. And...and I knew you'd find out, and I knew I should tell you, but I didn't want you to leave, and I...I don't know."

It made sense. Hayley wasn't stupid, she knew well enough that Ema would find out what had happened, so the only reason not to reveal it herself was as she'd said; prolonging Ema's blissful ignorance. She didn't appreciate being kept in the dark, but as she thought about it, the small girl could at least understand why Hayley would want to. On the other hand, though...

"I don't know. I'm an idiot. I know I'm an idiot. I...I'd seen a body, and then he...Steve came out of nowhere, and I was so afraid he was going to hurt us, so I...attacked first. I didn't mean...I didn't want...I'm not playing."

Exactly as Ema had thought, if it was a mistake made in haste, how could anyone be sure something like it wouldn't happen again, with... were there any worse consequences than chopping an innocent man's head off?... well, with equally horrific consequences? Regardless, Ema was quite certain by then that her friend was speaking the truth, that she hadn't meant to kill Steve, that it had all been a big mistake. She was certain as well that her heart had been in the right place when she kept the information to herself. However, understanding and forgiveness aren't quite the same thing, nor is trust. Ema understood what had happened, and empathised, but she didn't quite forgive Hayley all the same. And knowing how dangerous she had the potential to be, the redhead wasn't sure she could trust her deadly ex either.

"If you want to leave now, I'll understand. Lies of omission are still lies, so I lied to you. I...that was stupid. I shouldn't have done that. If you leave, I...I'm glad I got to see you, at least. Glad I got to...spend one night with you."

Ema almost responded straight off, before she caught herself. She hadn't thought things through nearly enough to make a decision like this right away. And... was Hayley blushing? And there Ema had been so sure she was the only one thinking that way about spending the night together. In spite of herself, she caught herself wondering if Hayley still felt anything for her, if she herself wasn't the only one that wasn't "over it"... if there was some hope for more than just reconciliation...

"But I don't want to let you go, because if I hear your name on the announcements, I...won't be able to deal with it. I need to be there to make sure you're safe. I don't want to...end up alone."

"No, stop, this is hardly the time or the place." Ema told herself, forcing her attention away from wishful thoughts and back to the affairs of the real world. Hayley made a good point for both parties; her own sort-of-selfish desire for company and the safety of her friends, perfectly mirrored against Ema's desire to not die, and to not be alone in a frankly terrifying place. Trust, forgiveness and understanding aside, that primal reasoning was enough of a deal-closer. Hayley and Kyle were armed and dangerous, and they had her safety among their top priorities, she'd be foolish to turn them down.

"So...please stay. I promise, it's all the truth from here on in."

Not sure if she could believe in the promise, Ema nodded anyway, her mind had already been made up regardless of whether Hayley stuck to her word or not. "You can work on forgiving her later, just stay alive, alright?" she told herself, the harsher side of her conscience finally having something helpful to say. She put on a brave face, though the telltale signs of the horror and despair she'd felt moments before remained all too clear. She finally stood up from the makeshift bed, and made her response.

"Of course I'll stay with you, I mean, you're not planning on losing your head in my direction, right?" "Oh nice one, doofus, make a bad joke about murder..." / "Shut up, smart-ass inner me."

An awkward silence descended, only for a few seconds, but it seemed far longer than it truly was. Kyle had been silent the whole time... the possible romantic implications must have occurred to him as well, and he was hugging Hayley close to him. Ema had never planned on anything of the sort, scarecely dared to hope it were possible, but as much as she wanted to, she couldn't lie to herself and deny that the appeal existed. Keen to keep her mind on other things, she added, "Besides, what would I do with myself all alone? I think I'd rather stick with someone for better or worse, than just go all hermit-y."

"For fuck's sake woman, take this seriously." / "I'm trying to sound confident, shut up."

Brain waves. Brain, dazed. Her mind wasn't in the right place right now. Her mind wasn't in any place, really, her mind was in itself and that was wrong wrong wrong but that made no sense, what made sense?- nothing, this was Survival of the Fittest, logic was far from necessary and the only thing true and clear in the world right now was that the world was coming undone and the most important things were falling apart, unraveling, love and friendship and desire and everything all of it all of it was leaving her because she'd done it, she'd killed someone, she really had and she deserved everything she got now and all the judgment Ema might have and all the harsh words she'd be sure to speak she deserved every single bit of it and more and-

Inhale.

Exhale.

She felt strong arms around her, and leaned back into them.

Maybe he doesn't hate me, at least.

Her cigarette was quickly approaching its last moments of life, and she sped the process up by taking one last pull. She retrieved another, lighting it with the smoldering remains of the first and sending that first flying towards the sand. Another pull.

Inhale poison.

Exhale smoke.

She was shaking a bit less now. Ema was quiet. Why was she quiet? She should be yelling at me. She should be running away. She should be...should be something.

That would be best. You won't have to lie to her again.

Yeah...

And you don't have to think about killing her when the time comes.

She shoved that evil thought out of her mind. That wasn't her. Would never be her. When the time came...

I don't know. Someone will probably kill her or me or both of us before the time comes so does it really matter?

Don't be so pessimistic.

It didn't matter, because Ema was going to leave. That was the obvious choice. Hayley was gonna be a target now, along with anyone who was with her- surely Kyle had realized it too? why was he staying, then? I wonder why he trusts me, I wouldn't- and even though she was strong enough to protect Ema, Ema would probably be better off with another bodyguard. One who hadn't killed anyone. Probably the best idea for both of them would be sending them off together without me but...damn would that be fucking awkward. But Ema...she can find someone else, I know she can, she doesn't need me, not the way I need her-

"Of course I'll stay with you."

Hayley blinked.

What?

She was standing now. Hayley stood up too, since it seemed like the thing to do, helping Kyle up. He looked...sick? Is he okay? He really should have slept last night...I really can't afford to be carrying dead weight around...

Wow, cold much? Who are you really worried about here? Kyle? Or Ema? Who matters more?

She knew the answer, but even mentally it was hard to say. She hugged Kyle, mainly out of guilt.

"I mean, you're not planning on losing your head in my direction, right?"

She laughed. It was still a bit bitter, but there was something real behind it, too.

"Besides, what would I do with myself all alone? I think I'd rather stick with someone for better or worse, than just go all hermit-y."

Trying to pretend she wasn't freaked out like ten seconds ago. Strategy! Wonder what she's really thinking, though. Wonder if she forgives me. Wonder if she will, ever.

Another pull of her cigarette. Her hands weren't shaking anymore. Her voice was a little stronger.

"Well. If that's settled...we've gotta get going. Groundkeeper's hut is open again, so that's where we're meeting Maddy and Alex and Charlene. I...I have less stuff than you, so I can help you carry it, if you want?"

Some part of the background of her mind suddenly remembered she was still mostly naked. Now in bright sunlight.

Well. That's my life, now isn't it?

Kyle stood with Hayley, enjoying the moment when she hugged him. It was strange- either she sensed his nausea and fear, or she felt guilty for something. The hug was not appropriate for the moment she did it. Oh well, it wasn't important. He took a deep breath, focusing his mind. The lack of sleep hadn't really set in yet, although it would soon strike against his mind.

More importantly, and with mixed reaction, Ema had decided to stick around. Kyle felt that twinge of jealousy again, that little voice that said that Hayley wanted to be with her instead of him- it wasn't important. It was important that Hayley be protected, that she be safe. He had already failed once- a thought that made his stomach clench. Well, technically it wasn't a failure. Hayley hadn't been hurt... physically. Mentally... well, Kyle still wasn't sure on that account.

Hayley was talking about leaving, but she was still naked. Kyle held up one finger, indicating a moment to wait, then got his stuff and pulled out his own change of clothing. He handed it over to Hayley with a smile- his pants would likely be both too long and too wide for her, but it was better than nothing. Also, he took no small satisfaction in having given Hayley clothing before Ema. If his pants were not serviceable, his shirt would be long enough to kind of preserve decency. He shouldered his bag, eyes slightly downcast. Despite his calm outward demeanor, internally he was feeling... a little depressed, honestly. Between his OCD and unwillingness to kill someone.... He felt useless.

He hated being useless.

As mornings go, the morning of her third day on the island was probably the most eventful one Ema Ryan had ever experiened. It wasn't every day you woke up next to your ex girlfriend, heard someone you'd just met was dead, and then heard that same ex had killed someone yesterday. But despite that all, she felt oddly optimistic.

Why? Why should anyone be optimistic when their odds of survival are theoretically about 250 to 1, and probably worse in practice? Because she felt she'd finally stopped making stupid mistakes and bad decisions. Ordinarily, Ema would most likely have chosen to go off alone, and probably would've died alone, achieving nothing. Now she felt she had a chance at something meaningful, if it were only a death achieving nothing, but at the side of someone she cared about, and who cared about her. Morbid thoughts, but at least this time they were positive ones. "Yeah, great time to have a social epiphany. Good luck with that." / "Feh, it's better than never, isn't it?"

For once, the sarcastic pessimist in Ema had nothing to say in response.

"Well. If that's settled...we've gotta get going. Groundkeeper's hut is open again, so that's where we're meeting Maddy and Alex and Charlene. I...I have less stuff than you, so I can help you carry it, if you want?"

Good point. In all her epiphanising... was that even a word? "No, stop going off on tangents, pay attention." In all her thinking, Ema had forgotten that there were things to do, people not to keep waiting, safety in numbers to achieve. The offer to share the weight of her stuff was an appealing one, so after putting her coat back on and grabbing her daypack, the redhead nodded, replying "Sure, I'd kinda like to keep my shoulders alive for another few days."

Whilst rolling up her towel and blanket, and weighing up the pros and cons of keeping them with her - pros won, comfortable sleeping trumps comfortable walking any day - Ema noticed Kyle hand Hayley some spare clothes of his. Another thing she'd forgotten, since by then it had become almost normal, seeing Hayley as she was, and Ema had completely forgotten her own offer to share clothes. Odd really, though, since the two girls were pretty much the same size and build, didn't make much sense for Kyle to offer as well. It never even occurred to Ema that practicality wasn't the reason behind it, but regardless, she didn't speak up about it.

With her personal bag packed away, left there for Hayley to carry, the Irish girl made a concerted effort to force her unruly hair to stay out of her eyes, and mused "So, uh... shall we?".

(James Mulzet continued from Accidental Acrophobia)

James was left alone. He wasn't happy. Other people allowed him the chance to procrastinate. He didn't have to deal with the swirling thoughts in his mind if he was worrying about other people.Now he wasn't given such a gift. Now he was shaken.

"T-Theaaa...."

James knew it was pathetic to keep calling to Thea. She was gone. He would be lucky to stumble across her own rotting corpse. Yet he still clung on, hoping, dreaming. It was the only light he had to guide him. Every coat of darkness felt suspicious in the vast forest, dense leaves from above. Here morning and night, the dark and the light were all in the same, all scary. Every little sound made him quiver as though the darkness looming behind him wasn't just in his head. Tear him apart. Piece by piece.

"Theaaaa..."

Fuck, he didn't care who it was. He wanted to see anyone. Anything! The blinding loneliness that surrounded him was suffocating and there was no air in sight. James could only keep walking, hoping he would find something.

That's when it happened.

He spoke in the tiniest of voices. Afraid. He let out a tiny little hello that was sure to be missed. The boy shook, his messy brown hair lapping over his eyes. Aware of his status of a lanky kid, James pulled out his pistol. He gulped. The bushes shook. There had to be someone there, hiding in that bush, waiting for him to turn his back. Had to be, there was no other explanation! James held his gun in one hand and flicked the safety off as he grew closer to the bush. Closer. Closer. Step. By step. And then...

Something jumped out at him and clawed onto his face.

James screamed. He jumped back. He couldn't see! Oh god everything was dark! Get it off! He swayed back and forth frantically, his hands pawing at the thing that had latched onto his face. He screamed. Oh how he screamed.

"GET OFF! GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF AAAAAAAH!"

The furry thing went flying to the ground and James, his eyes closed and his heart rapping, took his gun and fired.

Is it dead is it dead is it dead?

It took James a moment to gather his courage. It was oddly quiet. Whatever had attacked him must have been... James opened his eyes.

It was a... raccoon?

"What the..."

James knew that his cheeks were as red as cherries now. His eyes were wide, his whole body shaking. A raccoon? That was all? He thought it was some man-eating terror fuzzy, coming to rip his face off and make it a balance dinner. The sight of blood made him squeamish. Winnie entered his mind. She was bleeding too. Red, wine, red, rum. He was panting. Okay James, deep breaths, just like dad taught you. In. Out. In. Out. In. Fuck. It wasn't working. The sin couldn't be erased, it was written in with a damn sharpie. He had just killed something. It was only a raccoon, stupid thing. Why the hell did it attack James anyway? It was biting at his head like he was some piece of fruit. Was this whole island filled with hungry rabid animals that att-

Oh god. There was blood on his shirt. Not just speckle, whole globs that were bound to discolor his bright green polo. James was a good boy though! A little blood wouldn't hurt anyone right?

... Right?

They weren't going to think he killed...

Well, he wasn't going to use that gun all the time. Even though it had been so easy to... wait...

James held his head. "Oh jesus. No no no no..."

Suddenly that little raccoon became a real life person and James felt his eyes tear up. What at first appeared to be self-defense became a terrible act of homicide. Small became big. Surprise turned to pain turned to everlasting guilt and James was wracked. He stepped back. The blood was pooling around the dead raccoon, making a complete circle. Like a target, with the raccoon acting as some makeshift bullseye. You hit right here James. You've won. Yet James gained nothing other than the knowledge that he had become something that he was not.

James kept walking back. He fell back. He landed with a light thump, the leaves softening the fall. The sound of his collision rang through his head and made him woozy. His face was wet, fountains filled with regret. He tried to get up. It was like trying to lift two cinderblocks, while having his feet stuck in concrete but he managed. He sobbed. He wished there was a way out of this.

James turned his head.

There was light protruding the thick field of trees. It wasn't strong, just enough to light the way. James prayed and he got his answer. He was out of the woods. James made his way to the light.

So this is going almost well.

Other than all the buried resentment and extreme awkwardness.

Hayley gave a half-smile- an actual, legitimate half-smile as opposed to the twitchy kind brought on by near nervous breakdowns- and grabbed her bag, taking another pull of her cigarette as she did so. Food. Food is good. She'd only managed to stuff down a couple of crackers and some water the day before, and so she was practically overcome by ravenous joy at the discovery of her baguettes, completely unharmed and begging to make close personal friends with her stomach. She ripped off a decent sized piece, returning the rest to her bag, chewing happily.

"Ya'll should probably eat something too. Like, sleep is important, so is noms. Oh, and water. We can do that while we move, though, so...yeah," she ended weakly. She put her bag back down for the moment and gave Ema's the once over.

Ooof. Heavy. Heavvvvy. I'm gonna like pass out or some shit if I try to carry that around all day...

That is in fact what you get for trying to be a nice person. What are you going to do if you're attacked? How are you going to defend anyone carrying that shit around? You're going to be useless. Even more useless.

Shut up. If we're attacked, I drop the bag. Duh. Urgh, must of been hell on Ema carrying this around...

"Why'd you decide to take all this with you, girly?" Hayley asked, alternating between pulls of her cigarette and bites of bread. "You shouldn't need it. I probably should have brought a change of clothes with me but like...eh. I shouldn't bitch, sleep would have been mad uncomfortable if we didn't have your blanket and towel and shit. I should be thanking you."

Her cigarette finished, she flicked the butt away and took a large bite of her nearly-finished peace of bread, looking over at Kyle. He seemed to be offering her clothes. ...Pants? The hell am I gonna do with those, live in them? The thought seemed unreasonably bitchy even to her, but the truth was Kyle was an average-sized boy and Hayley was a tiny, tiny girl. She took the pants out of politeness but could immediately see that they weren't going to work.

"Thanks, Kyle, but...I don't think this is gonna happen." A thought struck her. "Maybe a shir-?"


BANG.


Birds went flying from the trees like in a bad movie while Hayley jumped, dropping what remained of her piece of bread and starting a mental tirade of R-rated language.

Fucking shit cocksucker motherfucking fucker cunt fuck SHIT.

Who the FUCK is shooting us?

It was an assumption- Hayley knew that- but this was Survival of the Fittest. It was a perfectly reasonable assumption, and one that might save her life. A moment's pause was enough to show that none of the trio had been shot, and no one was running out of the trees at them, but the gunshot had definitely been from nearby and some shit was DEFINITELY going down.

Shit's getting real, again. Fuck, can shit please stop getting real for, like, five minutes...?

Hayley grabbed her sword, shiny and clean (When'd that happen...? Must've been Kyle, I guess), and turned back to the other two. Loathe as she was to leave them without her protection...she needed to know what was happening. How was she supposed to protect Ema otherwise?

"Stay here. Both of you. Unless...unless you feel like you need to run, then run, I'll try to find you, okay? I'm gonna...gonna go see what happened. See if...anyone's hurt. I'll try to be back real quick, okay? Don't worry about me, honeybees, I'll be fine..."

And having managed to keep her voice from shaking again- even having managed another smile- she ran off into the trees, after the source of the gunshot. After whatever it was that could hurt her, could hurt Kyle, could hurt Ema. After whatever it was she needed to destroy. Had she been alone, she would have ran away, but as it was...

That's what she kept telling herself, anyway. Kept repeating in her mind.

This is for Kyle. This is for Ema. This is to protect them.


But still, there was that tiny voice in the back of her head, whispering seductively...



A gun. Imagine what you can do with a gun...?

"I gave you a shirt with t-"

A gunshot. Kyle immediately, though he knew it was mostly useless if he was being shot at, dropped into a fighting stance. The shot had come from the forest overlooking the beach. Hayley had already grabbed her sword- the girl could move fast when she wanted to. She told them to stay here. Kyle's first reaction was to say no, but Hayley had already set off.

"Hayley! H-hold on!"

She was already too far- she hadn't heard him. Kyle nearly set off after her, but.... Ema was here. Hayley wanted Ema safe. Therefore, Kyle wanted Ema safe. He pulled his knife out- another useless gesture.

"Stay nearby. I don't think we're being shot at, but we should be ready to hit the dirt, as it were."

He said this without looking directly at Ema, instead watching the forest.

(Sorry for the delay, been busy all day today. But yeah.)

As soon as she saw Hayley start to eat, it dawned on Ema that she couldn't actually remember eating since before arriving on the island. Adrenaline and fear had kept her standing so far, but now that she was cognisant of her accidental fasting, her stomach literally growled for sustainance, audible at least to Ema, and quite likely to the other two.

"Ya'll should probably eat something too. Like, sleep is important, so is noms. Oh, and water. We can do that while we move, though, so...yeah,"

...water. Good point. That would explain the incessant dryness of her mouth and throat, and why she'd been doubly unable to speak most of the time. Drinking water; kind of important. With her body crying out for respite from the hunger and thirst it had been subjected to, Ema made haste in removing a loaf and bottle from her daypack, biting into the former without even bothering to tear a mouthful-sized piece off. It tasted decidedly bland, not quite stale, but close, though the Irish girl didn't care, and continued to devour, ravenously hungry from her lack of food over the last two days. Following that, she made short work of her water bottle's cap, stuffing the two-thirds that remained of her bread back into it's plastic container with one hand, whilst the other kept the bottle steady in her mouth. All in all, it was a rather... undignified display, but Ema emerged from it feeling considerably better, and didn't particularly care what the others thought of it just then.

"Why'd you decide to take all this with you, girly?"

It really hadn't occurred to Ema just how much was in her luggage, until she saw Hayley struggling with it. In all honesty, she was surprised. She'd never considered herself particularly strong, least of all in the upper body, but come to think of it, getting used to carrying so much crap around at school must've strengthened her shoulders quite a lot. Besides, it wasn't like there was that much crap in there, just a stash of snacks, a change of clothes for each day (despite most of them looking the same), toiletries, two towels, a blanket, three books... no, there really was that much crap in there, and that was just most of what Ema could remember. But, then again...

"You shouldn't need it. I probably should have brought a change of clothes with me but like...eh. I shouldn't bitch, sleep would have been mad uncomfortable if we didn't have your blanket and towel and shit. I should be thanking you."

Just what she'd been thinking, the energy spent carrying it all around had turned out to be at least partly worth it, and the comfort overnight had been a veritable godsend, replenishing Ema to "somewhat fatigued" status, where the morning before she'd been closer to "walking dead", barely able to keep on her feet by the time she'd reached the beach.

Whilst re-arranging her daypack so the part-loaf and half-empty bottle sat comfortably against her side, Ema was just vaguely aware that Hayley had noticed Kyle's offer of clothes, and from the sound of it, was similarly confused by the gesture as she herself had been, and likewise responded in a rather bemused manner. "I mean, I guess he's trying to look helpful," she mused inwardly, considering how last night must have looked from his perspective, "But I wasn't even trying to... and they're way too b--"

Bang.

What the? Gunfire?

...This early in the morning?

And it didn't even seem to be in their direction, even though Ema was pretty sure there was nobody else around for a good few kilometers. It didn't seem to make any sense, and the girl had no idea how to react. She looked over to Hayley and Kyle, both of whom seemed a lot more concerned. They'd seen more action than her, after all, maybe she should be worried too?

"Stay here. Both of you. Unless...unless you feel like you need to run, then run, I'll try to find you, okay? I'm gonna...gonna go see what happened. See if...anyone's hurt. I'll try to be back real quick, okay? Don't worry about me, honeybees, I'll be fine..."

"Hayley! H-hold on!"

Before her not-a-morning-person reflexes could allow Ema to respond, Hayley was off like a shot... heh, a shot, ironic choice of simile there, what with the...

"Stay nearby. I don't think we're being shot at, but we should be ready to hit the dirt, as it were."

"Jegus Ema, pay attention!" her brain yelled, spurred by Kyle's advice and back in the actual situation. "Wait, I mean, Jesus... fuck, forget that, just focus already!" So focus she did, though she doubted it would be much use, unarmed and unprepared as she was. Sea green eyes scanned the treeline, hoping to catch some sight of whoever had pulled the trigger. Nothing. Time to wait and see... and hope.

At first there was silence. Dead silence.

Then there were steps.

Shattered steps. A few would come in rapid succession and then the steps would stop altogether. They were faint. They could have been coming from any direction. A killer could be anywhere in this dense forest. The darkness liked to shelter those of similar dark intentions.

Step. Step. Step. ... Step. Step. Crunch.

A boy appeared to the right of Kyle, stumbling out into the dim light and near the tree line. It looked like he was zigzagging back and forth, from how he was trying his best to keep his balance. The figure found his balance. The figure slumped. He gasped for air. Let out a laugh. A hearty laugh.

He looked liked he had seen a ghost. No, those weren't the right words. He looked more like a ghost than any human being. Deathly pale, hair a tangled mess, his face unshaven and his eyes bulging. The boy looked like he had been through hell. The blood stains on his shirt and running down his head only served to make him look worse. That was when he lifted his arm. The gun, a 9mm Taurus, looked like it could blow a hole in a tree the size of a coconut. It looked comically large in his small hands. How the hell could the boy even lift that damn thing? The weapon was still smoking. He scratched the side of his head, laughing some more. He looked extremely happy for someone who looked so terrible.

He looked out at the ocean. Stared at it like there was a boat in the distance.

Then he turned his head. Towards the two kids, the ones he had not seen, the ones he skirted around. The ones who most likely had seen him, had not skirted around him. The happy look turned into one of confusion. Then fear.

That was when he turned the gun on ginger-haired Ema Ryan. The one without a weapon.

"Stay back!" He concussed in the highest pitch he could hit. "I-I-I-I'll shoot! I-"

The boy looked down at his shirt suddenly. Perhaps he had realized that he wasn't looking his best for this sudden Mexican standoff. The fear in his face grew.

"T-This isn't what it looks like..." he muttered. "I swear, I swear..."

The boy tried to stammer something else out but it was so disconnected that it appeared even he didn't know what he was saying. The hand with the gun shook violently but he kept it pointed at Ema. The boy turned his head. His hair nearly covered one side of his face but he saw Kyle. Or at least the weapon in his hand. He shuddered. The hand holding the gun moved to Kyle and the boy started screaming again.

"Hey! Drop it! Drop the knife!" The boy shook, his face turning angry. "I-I'm not joking! Don't just stand there! Drop the knife!" His voice had an edge to it, one mixed with anger and excitement. "Your whore girlfriend's gone and cut someone's head off! That bitch, s-she - You're - NO ONE'S not going to get me so easily! J-Just-"

He was rambling. Sputtering, sobbing. Clearly he wasn't in the right state of mind. To any rational person, James Mulzet looked like he had gone completely insane. A crying, snarling loon with a gun,

James Mulzet saw it differently. He thought he was handling the situation pretty well, all things considered.