Lorenzo observed the other boy laying beside him on the pavement with interest. Sure, they might have just beat the crap out of each other, but that didn’t mean there needed to be any lingering animosity necessarily. In fact, if Lorenzo was being honest, that little one-on-one sort of made him like the other student more than he did when this confrontation began. At least he had some mettle. And he knew how to take a hit, and Lorenzo could respect that. Lorenzo listened to the other boy talk and when he was finished, gave him a half-smile.
“Honestly man, I really hope that works out for you. I wouldn’t hold my breath though.” Lorenzo chuckled a bit again. “I’ve had to learn the hard way that people tend to disappoint you if you care too much.”
Lorenzo pushed himself up into a seated position, his legs pulled in and his arms lazily wrapped around his knees. He stared at Julien with a look of pity. He knew what it was like to care about someone so much that you could excuse just about anything. And he knew what it was like to convince yourself you still had a chance, however small and unlikely, that they could one day feel the same way. That’s why it was better to keep your distance. That’s why it was better to just use people for what you needed and move on to the next before they got too close. It was easier to put up the mask and let people think they knew who he was. The only one who ever really has your back is yourself. Everyone else lets you down eventually. That was just how life worked.
“Just watch yourself, Jules. The second you aren’t worth keeping around, you get thrown out in the trash. People are crueler than they seem.” With a grunt, Lorenzo pushed himself to his feet and stuck out his hand to the other teen, offering him some help in standing.
One Way or Another
Tagging Tonyksin.
Julien wasn't about to refuse the help, taking the hand offered and rising to stand up again; he left the thanks to go unspoken. And what Lorenzo had to say didn't exactly go ignored either. "Yeah, tell me about it. Better the devil you know though, right, Laurie?"
The spiral he'd gone and gotten himself wound into might be slowly draining the happiness he found in their friendship away, he couldn't really dispute that... But he still bet on it being better than taking his chances and blowing it all away. So he would let— "Ah... fuck, who am I kidding? It's well past disappointment already. Faith gets to go have her fun and enjoy blissful ignorance, and I'm stuck with nothing until, what, it's my turn?"
Really, the worst part of it all was that Julien couldn't exactly count on just wishing his feelings about it all away so it would be easy. That wasn't how life worked.
"Honestly? Maybe being thrown away wouldn't be so bad for me," he said, straightening out his hair. "At least I could try to pull myself forward a little that way."
The spiral he'd gone and gotten himself wound into might be slowly draining the happiness he found in their friendship away, he couldn't really dispute that... But he still bet on it being better than taking his chances and blowing it all away. So he would let— "Ah... fuck, who am I kidding? It's well past disappointment already. Faith gets to go have her fun and enjoy blissful ignorance, and I'm stuck with nothing until, what, it's my turn?"
Really, the worst part of it all was that Julien couldn't exactly count on just wishing his feelings about it all away so it would be easy. That wasn't how life worked.
"Honestly? Maybe being thrown away wouldn't be so bad for me," he said, straightening out his hair. "At least I could try to pull myself forward a little that way."
Lorenzo pulled the other boy up from the ground and released his grip on Julien’s hand when he was standing upright. Julien started to speak out his underlying feelings when it came to Faith, and Lorenzo sort of felt for the guy. He knew how it could feel when you cared about someone and were just desperately waiting for them to notice. You start berating yourself, telling yourself that you’re being ridiculous or convincing yourself that there’s no way they’d reciprocate anyway. You give up before you every really tried, because it’s easier than putting yourself out there and possibly getting hurt. It’s easier to just pretend those feelings don’t exist and just go on parading around as their friend when in reality you want so much more. However, eventually those feelings become too enormous to hide anymore.
“Maybe that’s true, but still… being thrown away by someone you care about is more heartbreaking that you think.” Lorenzo smiled weakly at Julien and felt his eyes cast downward to his shoes. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll get lucky and actually have a chance one day? You stuck it out this long right?” Lorenzo could hear his voice wavering. Memories of his own experience flooding his mind wasn’t exactly helping the situation either.
Usually Lorenzo did his best to not even think about what happened between him and Demetri anymore. That summer he’d lost quite possibly the most important friend in his life. And the first person he ever loved. That loss wrecked him something fierce, and changed him drastically from the person he was. Looking back, he wouldn’t even be the person he was today without that incident. Who knows if that’s for better or worse? In the end, people were best kept at arm’s reach. Once you added emotion and care, it never failed to end up hurting you in return. Lorenzo forced out a sigh, mostly to try and shake his voice back to normal, and plastered a smirk back on his face. A mask, sure, but one that was comfortable at least. If he were to look in a mirror though, he’d see his eyes betraying his smile.
“That’s life, right Jules?” He forced out a laugh. “Gotta say, I’m impressed with how hard you hit man, I’m gonna feel some of these bruises for a week at least.” Lorenzo spun on his heel and started to walk over to where he’s left his stuff earlier, before the fight started, where he was smoking. He fished out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and quickly lit one and took a long drag. He turned to Julien and offered the pack out to him. “A boug's always best after a fuck or a fight.”
“Maybe that’s true, but still… being thrown away by someone you care about is more heartbreaking that you think.” Lorenzo smiled weakly at Julien and felt his eyes cast downward to his shoes. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll get lucky and actually have a chance one day? You stuck it out this long right?” Lorenzo could hear his voice wavering. Memories of his own experience flooding his mind wasn’t exactly helping the situation either.
Usually Lorenzo did his best to not even think about what happened between him and Demetri anymore. That summer he’d lost quite possibly the most important friend in his life. And the first person he ever loved. That loss wrecked him something fierce, and changed him drastically from the person he was. Looking back, he wouldn’t even be the person he was today without that incident. Who knows if that’s for better or worse? In the end, people were best kept at arm’s reach. Once you added emotion and care, it never failed to end up hurting you in return. Lorenzo forced out a sigh, mostly to try and shake his voice back to normal, and plastered a smirk back on his face. A mask, sure, but one that was comfortable at least. If he were to look in a mirror though, he’d see his eyes betraying his smile.
“That’s life, right Jules?” He forced out a laugh. “Gotta say, I’m impressed with how hard you hit man, I’m gonna feel some of these bruises for a week at least.” Lorenzo spun on his heel and started to walk over to where he’s left his stuff earlier, before the fight started, where he was smoking. He fished out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and quickly lit one and took a long drag. He turned to Julien and offered the pack out to him. “A boug's always best after a fuck or a fight.”
"I could say the same about you. And thank you, Laurie, but I'll pass; never was one for smoking. Alcohol's more my speed."
A coughing fit was at the very bottom of a long list of things Julien wanted to have right now as well. His brain had been rattled, yes, but the obvious wasn't lost on him. So he addressed it. "You've been there before yourself, hm? Now here I am preaching to you about how it is for me," he laughed until the pain of it drove him to stop, which didn't take very long, "isn't that some shit?"
He took the time to idly touch over his own face, just to check.
"And... yeah, you're quite right. I have stuck it out this long, and who she's with makes me bitter. But," Julien paused for a moment to think, "you hold on as long as can and what are you really getting for it? It's seeming more and more like a consolation prize to me."
Was that all he saw himself as? He did love Faith, that wasn't up for debate at this point, else he wouldn't go nearly as far as this over barbs thrown her way; it was just as much about what Lorenzo had said about him too, but it would go amiss to pretend that was all. A great many things dug in under his skin, though, and the knowledge that all that love had to be left to fester like something poisonous was grinding salt into the wounds. Yet there he had went, resigning himself to that very thing.
"You don't strike me as the sort of person who fancies being reduced to that. I don't fault you for it. Granted, it's far easier said than done to make peace with that kind of thing... but if I can't keep you down, I don't think you should go kicking yourself hard enough to."
A coughing fit was at the very bottom of a long list of things Julien wanted to have right now as well. His brain had been rattled, yes, but the obvious wasn't lost on him. So he addressed it. "You've been there before yourself, hm? Now here I am preaching to you about how it is for me," he laughed until the pain of it drove him to stop, which didn't take very long, "isn't that some shit?"
He took the time to idly touch over his own face, just to check.
"And... yeah, you're quite right. I have stuck it out this long, and who she's with makes me bitter. But," Julien paused for a moment to think, "you hold on as long as can and what are you really getting for it? It's seeming more and more like a consolation prize to me."
Was that all he saw himself as? He did love Faith, that wasn't up for debate at this point, else he wouldn't go nearly as far as this over barbs thrown her way; it was just as much about what Lorenzo had said about him too, but it would go amiss to pretend that was all. A great many things dug in under his skin, though, and the knowledge that all that love had to be left to fester like something poisonous was grinding salt into the wounds. Yet there he had went, resigning himself to that very thing.
"You don't strike me as the sort of person who fancies being reduced to that. I don't fault you for it. Granted, it's far easier said than done to make peace with that kind of thing... but if I can't keep you down, I don't think you should go kicking yourself hard enough to."
“Consolation prize, huh?”
Lorenzo whispered as he took a deep pull from the cigarette between his fingers and let that permeate for a moment. Was that all he saw himself as? Just a ‘thanks for playing’ prize that anyone got no matter the amount of effort they put in? When you put it into perspective, he wasn’t exactly far off. All Lorenzo ever did was play around with people. He never put any effort into building any kind of substantial relationships with others, because then he’d have to let his guard down. It was easier to just have his fun and move on to the next one. After all, why were emotions necessary? Why did you need to feel anything for people when they could take those feeling and stomp them into the dirt. Who would willingly give other people that much power over them? Not Lorenzo, that’s for sure. He was doing just fine going about his life keeping his partners and friends at arm’s reach. It was what worked. And there’s no point in fucking with a solid working system. Lorenzo flicked some ashes from the tip of his cigarette as he exhaled the smoke from his previous pull. He smiled at Julien and chuckled.
“It’s not about kicking myself when I'm down, Jules. It’s about facing reality. If you keep how you feel locked up, they don’t have the chance to hurt you.” Lorenzo tapped his temple with the pointer finger of his free hand. “Self-preservation, Jules. People will use and abuse you if you let them. Give them any kind of weakness to exploit, and they’ll use it to hurt you someday. Only one who’s got your back is you, that’s some free advice.” Lorenzo took another pull from his cigarette and shouldered his backpack. He turned his back on the other student and threw his free hand up to wave behind him as he began to walk away.
“My offer still stands. If you ever get tired of waiting around for Faith, come find me. See ya, Jules.” Lorenzo spun his head around and winked at the blonde boy as he said his goodbyes. He took another pull off his cigarette as he walked away, and felt his smirk fade off of his face. He exhaled the smoke and followed with his eyes as it dissipated into the air above him as he walked. At the end of the day, Lorenzo didn’t see a problem with how he operated. If this was all it took to keep himself from feeling the way he did that day ever again, then he was happy to keep on doing it. Letting people in was always a mistake.
[Lorenzo Tavares Memories Continued In Life Between The Lines]
Lorenzo whispered as he took a deep pull from the cigarette between his fingers and let that permeate for a moment. Was that all he saw himself as? Just a ‘thanks for playing’ prize that anyone got no matter the amount of effort they put in? When you put it into perspective, he wasn’t exactly far off. All Lorenzo ever did was play around with people. He never put any effort into building any kind of substantial relationships with others, because then he’d have to let his guard down. It was easier to just have his fun and move on to the next one. After all, why were emotions necessary? Why did you need to feel anything for people when they could take those feeling and stomp them into the dirt. Who would willingly give other people that much power over them? Not Lorenzo, that’s for sure. He was doing just fine going about his life keeping his partners and friends at arm’s reach. It was what worked. And there’s no point in fucking with a solid working system. Lorenzo flicked some ashes from the tip of his cigarette as he exhaled the smoke from his previous pull. He smiled at Julien and chuckled.
“It’s not about kicking myself when I'm down, Jules. It’s about facing reality. If you keep how you feel locked up, they don’t have the chance to hurt you.” Lorenzo tapped his temple with the pointer finger of his free hand. “Self-preservation, Jules. People will use and abuse you if you let them. Give them any kind of weakness to exploit, and they’ll use it to hurt you someday. Only one who’s got your back is you, that’s some free advice.” Lorenzo took another pull from his cigarette and shouldered his backpack. He turned his back on the other student and threw his free hand up to wave behind him as he began to walk away.
“My offer still stands. If you ever get tired of waiting around for Faith, come find me. See ya, Jules.” Lorenzo spun his head around and winked at the blonde boy as he said his goodbyes. He took another pull off his cigarette as he walked away, and felt his smirk fade off of his face. He exhaled the smoke and followed with his eyes as it dissipated into the air above him as he walked. At the end of the day, Lorenzo didn’t see a problem with how he operated. If this was all it took to keep himself from feeling the way he did that day ever again, then he was happy to keep on doing it. Letting people in was always a mistake.
[Lorenzo Tavares Memories Continued In Life Between The Lines]
"Hmm... Well, unfortunately, I think it's already been established I prefer redheads." Lorenzo sure was persistent, Julien would give him that. He could see why people would be endeared to him... but he wasn't exactly about to agree with his mindset. Love and loss were a bitch, but he didn't believe that putting up that wall actually did anything in the end. If it crumpled, what would he do then?
That wasn't to say he understood not wanting to feel that pain again; Julien was afraid of the prospect of facing it himself, so he felt for someone who'd been through it in the past. He just believed that if it lingered long enough, there came a time when there was only one thing you could blame that pain on and it wasn't anyone else.
Of course, that wasn't for him to preach. Life was a capable enough teacher, if an unforgiving one. And at least this lesson might not leave either of them with more scars to mark it.
It most certainly would leave Julien in need of a new shirt, however.
He went and fetched his phone from where it had fallen when that fight had started. Flip cases were a beautiful thing, so it fortunately wasn't busted up. It did cross his mind that he could make a call, but everyone that came to mind had enough on their plate right now. So away it went. And now that Lorenzo had left, Julien felt free to do just the same.
[ Julien Leblanc continued elsewhere. ]
That wasn't to say he understood not wanting to feel that pain again; Julien was afraid of the prospect of facing it himself, so he felt for someone who'd been through it in the past. He just believed that if it lingered long enough, there came a time when there was only one thing you could blame that pain on and it wasn't anyone else.
Of course, that wasn't for him to preach. Life was a capable enough teacher, if an unforgiving one. And at least this lesson might not leave either of them with more scars to mark it.
It most certainly would leave Julien in need of a new shirt, however.
He went and fetched his phone from where it had fallen when that fight had started. Flip cases were a beautiful thing, so it fortunately wasn't busted up. It did cross his mind that he could make a call, but everyone that came to mind had enough on their plate right now. So away it went. And now that Lorenzo had left, Julien felt free to do just the same.
[ Julien Leblanc continued elsewhere. ]