Survival Of The Fittest

Hades Thompson votes for Abhishek Panicker, knowing Abhi was probably DQ'd as all hell but that was hard to argue with.
Vladimir Tepes votes for Richard Buster.
Ruth Flanagan writes in Tracee Bluebell.

Dominiqua Ashmore votes for Connie Toda

Chester Folk votes for Connie Toda

Noah looked at the ballot. He looked at the box. He looked at the ballot. He smiled. It wasn't a very nice smile, either, and everybody who saw it before he forced it off of his face knew it.

The thing is, voting doesn't fucking work. It's how we ended up with Canon, it's how we ended up with McArthur. It's how America would continue its bullshit politics- because everyone's too much of a pussy to take direct action. And you know what? Noah wanted to go to field trips this year. So, fuck it, he's saving the whole manifesto for at least late May- early June.

Doesn't mean he'll have his fun along the way, though. His boyfriend's fucking awesome. Major balls and cock of steel, no he isn't going to make another joke about sucking them. Though he'd thought that maybe Abhi was going to scream something even more obscene. So bad that he'd probably be convicted for thought crimes or something.

Whatever. Abhi knew that he was going to be disqualified anyways- he's sure that if he told him who he actually voted for, he wouldn't be mad, right?

No, he totally would be. Even if the joke was almost worth it.

The ballot he slipped in contained a somewhat poor attempt at a realistic drawing of the principle sucking a large male reproductive organ with the U.S flag and the word "McArthur" scribbled along the oddly veiny shaft. It had no name on it, because he wasn't suicidal, and also because he didn't actually care about the election. Below that, in a girly cursive with hearts for the dots of i's, were the words "Justice for Abhi" over where Buster's name was erased, and "this is 1984" written where "Noah Karimi" would've gone.

-----

Betty rolled her eyes. Or, she would've, if she didn't have a reputation to maintain. This is the stuff that goes on your precious, precious little resumes! Oh, look at that- the power of somebody's future, controlled within her own hands, within the ballot that was a faux representation of the current-

Oh, time's almost up.

The choices are "dudes and dudettes and dudems," "Fuck you, McArthur," and "WOOF WOOF." God bless the complicated, bureaucratic, well-thought-out education system of the United states of America. Our youth are the future, people. And we're all definitively, unavoidably screwed.

At least Abhi had the courage to be honest. But he also was a godforsaken communist and internet troll gluttonously consuming and regurgitating the toxicity that youths of the day-

She was going to be late, wasn't she?

Betty crumpled up the paper and disposed it into the recycle bin of her third period calculus class.

-----

"...Hey dad, wanna hear a story that'll make you mad?"

He looked up from the computer.

"Is it about your school?"

"Yeah? Kinda?"

"Why bring it up now?"

"I think it's funny, I guess. You don't have to hear it if you don't want to, I just-"

"No, it's fine, lemme hear it."

Erika took a deep breath and then let it out. "So, there was this weird kid who basically..."

... "Just couldn't stop talking about football"... "Literally just screamed "Fuck You Mcarthur," and yes, he's a part of the school's socialism club, no dad the school is allowed to have that you were literally a part of the Young Republicans dad"... " "Typical politician stuff, I know, right?"

..."And that's why somehow the guy with the name "Big Dick" was probably the best candidate."

"Oh, wow. Are you putting that on the ballot?"

"No. Just Richard."

"His name wasn't Dick?"

"Yes...? I said that three times.

"Oh, sorry."


-----

Isaiah closed his eyes and eenie meenie miney mo-ed. It landed on Connie.
-----

Ren overthought so much that they forgot, but, like, at least they weren't pick favorites?

Like, that's probably stupid. Wasn't there that saying about the worst kind of man being the one that takes no action during a moral crisis?

Huh. Doesn't matter. They've got another platter of shrimp to bake.

Dawn Montogomery looked at the empty ballot, her pencil hovering over it.

On one hand, Richard's speech had been very enthusiastic. But on the other, she wasn't sure if a boy with such a questionable nickname would take the job seriously enough.

On one hand, Connie had sounded honest. But on the other, his speech had been very short and had ultimately boiled down to "I will try my best to represent you. Also Halloween party!" without really saying anything about himself.

And Abishek was no option either.

In the end, she settled on Richard Buster, figuring that he had taken more effort into his speech and that even if he was weird, there would still be the president to make sure he didn't cause trouble.

---

Ethan Kemp didn't need long to decide.

While Richard's speech had been fine and all, it had been too roundabout and a little bit too much about himself.

In comparison to that, Connie Toda had shown an understanding of what it meant to be a vice. So he got Ethan's vote.

---

Derek Caldwell sighed as he looked at the three names on the paper.

His first thought was to vote for Abishek, but what would that bring? The teacher counting the votes would just shake his head and throw the ballot away. If Derek wanted to do anything against the tyranny of McArthur, he would at least try to do something that actually made a difference. Abishek's stunt was purely performative and pointless.

That left him with two options. Too bad he barely knew these two guys. And none of their speeches had been very inspiring.

In the end, he voted for Richard Buster, purely out of pity. Someone called "Big Dick" deserved to get a bone now and then.

---

Daenerys Todd had no trouble deciding.

Because she simply didn't care. The president was one thing, but the vice? Why did they even hold a separate election? Couldn't just the second place in the president election become vice?

Whatever, that was not for her to decide. So she simply made a vote for Richard Buster because she found his nickname funny.

Josh looks at his ballot and thinks very seriously. He doesn't know much about Connie. He's not sure how he felt about Abhishek's speech. It was out of line, but maybe it feels good telling someone off who you don't like in front of a big crowd and then getting dragged off. He can kind of relate. But Josh chooses Dick Buster. He liked all that sports talk; it spoke to him and gave him confidence.

Mal taps her pencil against her cheek and looks at her paper. She did not like Abhishek's outburst and found it highly inappropriate. She bites the eraser tip and hopes to herself that Abhishek gets a very long detention. She also does not want a school-sponsored Halloween celebration. She didn't really get all the sports reference but without many other choices, she chooses Richard Buster.

Aracelis Fuentes votes for Richard Buster
California “Cali” Fox votes for Connie Toda
Darryl Smith Jr. votes for Richard Buster
Jessica Romero votes for Richard Buster

Ashlee Donovan votes for Richard Buster.
Ty Hartley votes for Richard Buster.

Robin Valenti votes for Big Dick Buster. He'd let the guy know he voted for him. Maybe that'd get him in with the cooler crowd.
Poppy Fontaine votes for Connie Toda. Oh, but she was this close to putting her vote down for Abhi.
Trinity Ashmore votes for Richard Buster. Overblown it may have been, but also the only one she felt any sense of responsibility from.
Beatrice Briggs votes for Connie Toda. She kinda got last halfway through Richard's speech, and Abhishek had... well, she didn't think he was taking it particularly seriously.
Jess Kawazoe votes for Huge Dick Buster. And only partially cause she couldn't make it through his name without busting a gut.
Ada Bentley votes for Abhishek Panicker. Dude was gonna get his ass kicked, but hey. It was fucking funny.

Teddie Boyd didn't appreciate certain aspects of certain speeches so he votes for Connie Toda. Go Terriers though!!
Lara Bullock doesn't really know either (legitimate) candidate well enough to pick so she abstains.

Mateo de Guzman votes for Connie Toda. Buster is certainly very nice, but Mateo would prefer someone more innovative as vice-president, even if her behavior is somewhat questionable.

Lúcio Oliveira was less sure about his vote for vice president, but then he remembered Richard Buster's nickname, and that solidified his vote.

VOTE: Richard Buster

---

Natasha White knew exactly who she was voting for. Solidarity amongst communists.

VOTE: Abhishek Panicker

---

Katelyn Graves didn't have enough time to think about who to vote for vice president after hastily scrambling to vote for the president. All she knew was that she didn't want to vote for Abhishek, not only because he said fuckwords in his speech, but also because he was definitely disqualified. In the end, after looking at the list of names on the ballot, she fell for a different kind of cognitive bias: The Primacy Effect, and voted for the first name on the list.

VOTE: Richard Buster

Juanita Reid couldn't bring herself to vote for anybody named Dick Buster, so she wound up voting for Connie Toda by default.

Rebekah Hayes voted for Richard Buster because his name was the first one she looked at.

The results:

a. Richard Buster - 34
b. Abhishek Panicker (Disqualified) - 11
c. Connie Toda - 17

Richard Buster is your senior class vice president.