Survival Of The Fittest

The supplies would definitely come in hand, Julia thought. She collected up the remaining meat from Lily and secured them in her bag with the rest of her growing collection of rations. For now, she was full. A hearty stomach of meat to keep her going. She ate more than she normally would've done, cramming it all in her cheeks like a starving hamster, but her shrinking stomach had felt pained and she hoped this would help to ease that ache. By the time she was finished with her meal, Julia was on the verge of vomiting. She had left half the haddock, something she had regretted later in the day when the only solace she could find was in the form of the dry ration bars. They weren't terrible, but it was certainly far removed from the prize she had won, which sounded like she got lucky because the hot pot Lily was given didn't sound as glamorous as her freshly cooked fish.

The two continued to talk for a little while longer until the conversation started to run dry. Julia yawned once again as she pensively looked across at Lily before curling up in to a ball on the ground. The post-meal nap was calling her, a delightful chance to recover her strength and energy after an utterly exhausting few days. As she made herself comfortable, she turned again to Lily and decided to throw out a loaded question.

"What are you going to do next?"

Julia didn't care so much what the answer was, but she knew this was her chance to ensure that Lily kept Julia in mind with whatever she was going to do next. It may sound a little strange after only a few comforting hours together, but Julia was ready to follow Lily to the edge of the island if she needed to. It had been so nice to have that company again, a welcomed relief from the freezing loneliness that had haunted her beforehand. The stone cold snow soaking through her shoes being her only companion with each squeak of her heel.

They spoke at length around that campfire, sharing stories and anecdotes, engaging in idle small talk about their lives back home.

It was clear throughout however that something was distracting Lily. As if she was spending the entire conversation in the middle of a brainstorm, constantly lost in thought and pondering things in her head. At one point she even had her map out, scanning it closely with an intense look in her eyes.

When Julia asked her question, it took Lily a moment to break out of her trance and process it. "What I... Hmm... That's a very good question..."

She looked back down at her map, focusing on a particular point as she bit her lip. "I... I think there's something I need to do" she answered, a hint of hesitancy in her voice as she looked up at the sky, squinting as she tried to assess how much daylight she had left. 

"Unfortunately, I... I think I'm gonna have to head off soon..." she sighed, slowly packing her things away.

Lily appeared to be plagued by a searing intensity as the mood dropped. Her answer to Julia’s question felt muffled, a hesitancy that was masking either the fear or uncertainty that she must’ve felt. She said there was something she needed to do, which sparked a firework of curiosity that drove Julia to want to know more. Except Julia’s masterclass of overthinking instead halted her dead in her tracks as Lily packed up and continued her ramble about leaving soon. The prospect of Lily leaving, and abandoning her, quickly jolted Julia’s curiosity towards a sense of dread and urgency.

“O…oh,” Julia whimpered, “C-can I come with you?”

She expected a no. A cold slap of rejection to the face, if only because Lily seemed a little spaced out in comparison to before. The warmth she had shown earlier had been replaced by a distanced gaze as she readied herself for those next steps.

Meanwhile, Julia had snapped out of her freeze, readying herself to pack up her things quickly and pounce after Lily. She didn’t want to be left alone. Not again. Not another night alone with the dark midnight falling upon them like a smokescreen.

“Please don’t leave me.”

It felt pathetic of her to literally be almost begging Lily at this point. She just wanted that company, that support blanket that helped her to feel safe. The hours they had spent together had been a whirlwind of positivity for Julia. Improvements in her positive thinking, something like a second wind of hope that had been bestowed upon her. She didn’t want that feeling of relief to end, like the end of an amazing weekend and you know that you have got to return to the normal life you normally lead.

Tears welled up in her eyes at the prospect of being left alone again. Her whole thought process, the waterworks, the amateur dramatics she was preparing, they were all acts of selfishness. Something was clearly up with Lily, and yet Julia was ignoring the writing on the wall. It was more important for her to stay alive, and Lily’s survival tactics were far greater than her own. She wanted nothing more than to cling to Lily and tell her not to go, driven by her liberated fears.

One last attempt.

"I can... I can help you!"

"I..." Lily began, on the brink of saying something as she looked at Julia, only to turn away at the last second. "No, I... I need to do this by myself"

She tried to focus on her packing, block everything out and mask her emotions. It was all but impossible however to hide the conflicted look on her face, especially when Julia started begging her to stay, forcing Lily to turn further away in an attempt to shut her out.

After all, deep down she wanted to say yes. More than anything she longed for that companionship again, to have a friend like Julia by her side, someone she could face the dangers of the island with together.

And yet, knowing what she was about to do next...

"Julia!" she exclaimed, turning back to the other girl with tears welling in her eyes.

She paused, staring at Julia for a few long seconds.

Biting her bottom lip, she then unzipped her bag and started rummaging again, eventually pulling out an extra map she had stored away. Amaryllis' map to be precise, unfolding it as she walked over to Julia to point out a spot marked along the lower mountain pass.

"My friend and I, we... We made a campsite here, up in the mountains" she whispered quietly, glancing over her shoulder for any prying eyes. "You should be safe there. Nobody else knows about it except for me..." she continued, looking Julia in the eyes as she passed her the map. "I... I'll try to meet you there tonight, if I'm able."

"If not..." she added, pausing again for a moment, before stepping forward to wrap her arms around Julia and pull her into a tight embrace. "...thank you."

She held onto that moment, unwilling to step away and find herself alone again, before finally letting go. Quickly wiping the tears from her eyes, she zipped her bag up and slung it over her shoulder, hoisting her rifle and turning to Julia one last time.

"Stay safe, Julia..." she said, bidding her friend adieu and quickly making tracks before she had a chance to change her mind.

((Lillian Larsen continued in Bulletproof Heart))

It was a tough conflict of emotion and thought that she faced. Julia understood, deep down, but at the same time she didn’t understand. Lily seemed to be completely set in her ways, keen to escape whatever fragility was being left behind. The blonde girl was trying her hardest to avoid eye contact with Julia, even the warmth of the embrace had that bewitched charm. A spell of vacant determination, one that rumbled with sincerity in terms of Lily’s intention and yet her natural virtue carried a hearty distance.

The humbling cuddle wore an intensity that burned brighter than the flame on the grill earlier, a mission she needed to accomplish before her mind could rest peacefully. Julia wished she would continue to hold on, stick around and give her a chance to prove her worth. More than anything she wished that Lily would change her mind.

But she didn’t.

Lily gave her the assurance that she would look to meet back with Julia later that evening, even shared with her the secret hiding spot that she had built like a den with her friend Amaryllis. Tears slipped down her cheeks gently, illuminating her face with a glittering sparkle. She willed Lily on with every second as she walked away. Julia didn’t feel abandoned in this moment, she had a good read on things like this and didn’t experience the same imminent fear she felt when Joshua and her had parted ways. This time it was different. She knew that they would see each other again. It was like friends bidding farewell for an hour until the end of their next class when they would be reunited.

Of course, she was curious about what Lily had to do. She assumed it was something relating to Kitty, perhaps another strike of grievance against her conscience for sparing the mass-murderer previously. She couldn't comprehend what else it would be, unless it was something as simple as just wanting to pay her respects to her friend that was called out as dead yesterday. She seemed pretty torn up by their parting and Amaryllis's untimely passing.

Her parting words were heartfelt and sincere. “Stay safe, Julia.”

She didn’t wait to call after her, “Lily?”

Lily turned back whilst beginning her hike into the distance.

“You too…” Julia declared with a comforting smile contrasting her runny nose and tear-coated cheeks.

“Good luck out there.”

Julia watched on, emotional yet resilient, as Lily faded into the haze of the horizon. Whispering a fond farewell to her newfound friend into the equitable silence of the winter air.

[S119 - Julia Guercio - continued in SLEEPING ON A BED OF THORNS]