Re: Aiskhylos, Agamemnon, line 805
Posted: Mon May 01, 2023 1:58 pm
Piece by piece, Kai crumbled, until he was nearly folded up in the fetal position next to Ren, and then he finally started to sob into the dirt.
He had been so numb, he realized. Too shell-shocked to do anything after seeing Dominiqua and Meena die but try to pick up the pieces and keep going. But Ren-
But Ren.
A part of him had thought that maybe in some way, he hadn't tried hard enough to save the other two. But he'd tried with Ren, felt like some way, somehow, if he just wanted it badly enough, they could pull through. Because it had to matter somehow that he was here for them. It had to make some kind of difference. If it didn't, then why had he even bothered coming down out of that tree, walking out of the cave into the daylight, anything?
Kai dug his fingers into the dirt and snow, his body wracked with shuddering sobs. He'd never cried so hard in his life. Couldn't remember the last time he'd cried at all. Not since he was little, laying holed up in his room and listening to his parents fight. Any time he thought about trying to speak, his throat closed up. All he could do was lay there.
He'd walked away from Salem without taking the gun, and there was still a treasure trove of weapons, prizes from Kitty's murders, laying nearby. He'd loved Ren and done everything he could to save them, and it wasn't enough.
Kai didn't respond outwardly to Kitty's outburst. But he heard.
Vengeance and death. More violence. Neverending.
Nothing about the person who had just died for them.
He didn't lift his head from the ground until long after he'd cried himself out. Eventually it did happen, and he was just left feeling sore and exhausted. Like he had before sleeping. There was a hole in his chest now.
He'd never feel rested again.
"We can't stay here," Kai finally mumbled, speaking more to the ground than to Kitty. "We need to- take them somewhere."
He thought that Ren might like to have been buried next to Meena, actually, but he couldn't imagine taking up the digging bar again. Not now.
He had been so numb, he realized. Too shell-shocked to do anything after seeing Dominiqua and Meena die but try to pick up the pieces and keep going. But Ren-
But Ren.
A part of him had thought that maybe in some way, he hadn't tried hard enough to save the other two. But he'd tried with Ren, felt like some way, somehow, if he just wanted it badly enough, they could pull through. Because it had to matter somehow that he was here for them. It had to make some kind of difference. If it didn't, then why had he even bothered coming down out of that tree, walking out of the cave into the daylight, anything?
Kai dug his fingers into the dirt and snow, his body wracked with shuddering sobs. He'd never cried so hard in his life. Couldn't remember the last time he'd cried at all. Not since he was little, laying holed up in his room and listening to his parents fight. Any time he thought about trying to speak, his throat closed up. All he could do was lay there.
He'd walked away from Salem without taking the gun, and there was still a treasure trove of weapons, prizes from Kitty's murders, laying nearby. He'd loved Ren and done everything he could to save them, and it wasn't enough.
Kai didn't respond outwardly to Kitty's outburst. But he heard.
Vengeance and death. More violence. Neverending.
Nothing about the person who had just died for them.
He didn't lift his head from the ground until long after he'd cried himself out. Eventually it did happen, and he was just left feeling sore and exhausted. Like he had before sleeping. There was a hole in his chest now.
He'd never feel rested again.
"We can't stay here," Kai finally mumbled, speaking more to the ground than to Kitty. "We need to- take them somewhere."
He thought that Ren might like to have been buried next to Meena, actually, but he couldn't imagine taking up the digging bar again. Not now.