Survival Of The Fittest

Clarissa would need two trips, because there was only so much she could hold in two hands. No 36 inventory slots for her, nor shulkers. It sucked!

"You guys started Cards Against Humanity without me? Awww..." She didn't mean the pout though. Her lips were back to idle gear the moment after, her default vaguely aimed smile. She was humming whatever Sabrina Carpenter song was on as she distributed: first, strawberry hot chocolate in a quaint definitely fake metal tankard and a pretty and fluffy looking crepe. Sylvie. Another tankard also almost overflowing with with whipped cream and the other form of cream that required an ID. Marcy.

"Tips appreciated."

Clarissa winked. That one had been funny, right?? She was pretty sure.

She was gone and then back the next instant- no amount of crowd could stand in her way- with Claude's muffins that looked cute but not especially delish and his shake. And her own. She slotted herself back into her comfy spot in the booth and immediately drunk half her tankard in a single efficent toss back of her head. Growing girl, exhausted from cheer practice, etc. She hadn't even grabbed a straw for herself. It had been premeditated slaughter. She ran one finger over her lip, swabbing it dry.

"How did the first round go?"

She scanned the cards on the table. In contrast to Marcy she looked pretty amused by the combinations, eyes lighting up.

"Worm dick... Really makes you think."

Whatever Clarissa was picturing was just for her.

Something did look somewhat off with Marcy. She wasn't exactly the subtlest of the group, even when she was trying (but who the hell was Sylvie to talk). Her own brow furrowed in response hearing the grit of the teeth and the forced tone behind the chuckle. Like a socially acceptable wince. She was about to speak up herself when Claude began to talk. Ah well, she could back him up but oop. Here came the Clarissa, bearing gifts. Gifts of yumby drink. Marcy would capitulate and deflate the tension, and there wasn't gonna be much they could do about it without sinking the situation in awkwardness. At least, that's what Sylvie assumed. It felt a little bad and rotten, thinking like that.

She turned a smiling face up to Clarissa as she approached. She'd already begun the tension-deflation process via a joke, and Sylvie found herself smiling a little more broadly, a bit of the badness alleviated as she quipped back.

"20% good?"

Her order came before her and she clapped her hands together as her eyes shined and her mouth watered. Strawberry and chocolate and fluffy crepe and oh the chocolate was hot and so so pretty. Her phone came out, a snap of the whipped creamy white-brown-pink sprinkled and savoury and sweet concoction was acquired, and right back in it went. Hands around the tankard, to the mouth, and slooooowww sip. Let the taste in and the warmth seep. The mouth to the body and into her frigid bones. Thawing feeling. Her smile was broadest as she pulled away and began to cut into the crépe, turning to Clarissa again to chat.

"We can deal you in- also does it?"

She didn't actually know if you could deal someone into CAH. She was more interested in the worm dick thing, from a humour perspective. Probably. There was certainly a chuckle at the statement.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing..."

Claude's concerns were admirable, but unessesary. As far as she was concerned, this was just a weekly reminder as to why she was Marcy Valerio, not Marcy Carrozza.

Fortunately, Clarissa arrived before anyone could press the matter, her smile turning genuine at the sight of those tankards. God, they looked delicious. She grabbed a straw and wasted no time taking a test slurp: Strawberry and vanilla, with a subtly alcoholic aftertaste. Bellissimo.

"Grazie!"

She took another slurp before reaching out for the white cards, casually dealing Clarissa in before feigning a cough at the mention of worm dick.

"CoughcoughJohnnycoughcough... Oh by the way, it's your turn"

The Black Card for this round was pretty straightforward: What makes life worth living? Simple enough. She probably had a card that worked with that, something to get her mind off her deadbeat dad...

Seeing my father cry

Hmm... No. Tempting, but no. Something a bit more general...

Nobody giving a shit about anything anymore

Better, but a little too honest. Perhaps something geared more towards Clarissa...

All the dudes I've fucked

Maaaybe. Come to think of it, had Clarissa ever gone all the way? She's dated her fair share of guys (and gals), but far as Marcy was aware they never amounted to much. Still, it was the best one yet...

Until she saw the card tucked away at the end of her hand, stifling a laugh as she quickly looked over her friends. Yeah... She kinda had to pick this one, sliding it sneakily towards the pile in the middle.

Doing white people shit with a bunch of white people

"If you say so..." And that was that. Claude wouldn't pry any further as he picked his card back up to read them. He was halfway through examining them before he noticed Clarissa come back with everyone's order; he couldn't help but lightly snicker at how she needed two trips to bring all the food and drinks to the table. But he wasn't going to say anything else, after all, he was aware of the struggles of being short.

Not speaking from personal experience, obviously, but because Claude was friends with a bunch of considerably short people!

Enough of short and tiny things, now was the time to catch up on a missed lunch, and Claude was going to make sure he savored his meal. Before he took a bite, however, he grabbed his shake and took a sip through the straw, "Maybe it's just that I haven't had anything to eat or drink all day, but this is the best damn shake I've ever had." He said after he drank from it.

Clarissa's pout was met with a playful eye roll before Claude briefly glanced at Sylvie as she snapped a picture of her food. That was something that always confused the gentle giant, but he really didn't see a point in questioning it. So, he left the small girl to her technical device woes as he picked up one of his muffins and took a bite. Minecraft munching sound. The muffin was pretty good! Claude decided to rate it a 8/10 in his mind.

Finally, the new black card had revealed itself: What makes life worth living?

His muffin was set back down on the plate before picking up his cards. Quickly skimming through each of them until Claude landed on one that made him let out a brief wheezing laughter. If it made him laugh, then it was good enough for him.

"Chugging a lava lamp."

""Cette carte est tellement putain de stupide, mais tellement géniale..." ("This card is so fucking stupid but so worth it...") Claude spoke in French before finally playing the card he chose, placing it face down so no one could see it yet. It took him a moment to compose himself, but once he did, he took another bite from the muffin before taking another sip from the shake as well.

Sylvie began to cut into the crépe with the provided plastic cutlery, took a bite and immediately had to resist spitting it out as Marcy mentioned Johnny in... that context. If this hangout was gonna be this funny with this much food present it was not gonna be good. She rushed to swallow the rest of the yummy, sugary dough, trying to clear the way from more laughs.

"Pfft, c'nest même pas si drôle, allez, la." (Pfft, it's not even that funny, come on.)

She replied to Claude's quip in their shared second language. It was very different than when she'd talk to him in English. She chuckled and looked up to meet his eyes with a small confidence. Something along the lines of it just being something they could have between the two of them could just fuel her. Or maybe it was just the casual context of the exchange. She preferred the latter; thinking like a normal person was a little boring sometimes.

Now, eyes to the front, cards to play— pffffffft god damn it

Failing to stifle a fit of chuckles, Sylvie took a moment to stare down at the table and get it all out before placing her card down. Ass humour. Cheaper than dirt. "This game suuuuuuuuucks." She re-stated, a stupid grin on her face as her card landed amongst the others'.

"Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.

"Aw come on guys, Johnny isn't bad." Wait were they talking about Benowitz? Fightmaster? Some other Johnny who was an in-joke exclusive to the Sylvie-Marcy exclusive zone? Clarissa smiled, channeling her confusion into the typical amount of goodvibesgoodvibes.

"Not like I'd know about the dick either way."

Clarissa suddenly gesticulated- jazz hands, guys with the orange-y sticks waving at the airplanes when they were taxiing- at the other side of the table.

"Sylvie! Claude! Don't show each other your cards, you dorks. Remember, you're each others enemy."

So this was how the dagnabbit French were colluding. Conspiring to play CaH wrong. Pretty language though. It sounded like it tasted delish.

Fairly in character for Clarissa to get picky about this kind of thing, historically. But she backed down immediately if people decided house rules instead. Anyways, cards. All hers. She took the three offered in one hand, took the remains of her drink in the other and casually slorped. The crumbliness of Oreo was a classic, an old reliable in the same way as Toyota's entry levels had been prior to the computerization of the mid '10s. Clarissa supposed she was a bit of a picky eater, or at least some of her closer friends had told her that much. She could nom a lot of things in theory but in practice it always felt... off. Texture wise. Difficult to swallow.

Clarissa read.
"Pssh- ahhaha-! Doing white people shit with a bunch of- w-whi-heehaahah-! white people!"
Clarissa laughed.
"Pfftheeheehah- chugging a- hahahaa-! lava lamp!"
A lot.
"Ahhaha-! G-g-ghhehe-! Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon!"

The kind of body rocking, kind of painful looking red-face mirth where it was a good thing she'd drunk her drink in half a second or there would have been Oreo and oat all over the table. She loved this game for a very very good reason. It was like fingers right in her brain. Tickly. Many silly words in combinations that were silly.

"Heeheeahaha... ! Good ones guys... Mmm. I think it'll be getting naked and watching Nickelodeon. Like. Heeheehe! Almost relatable."

It was the sort of stupid thing that showed up in her stupid dreams. But the less people knew about those the better, etc. Clarissa held up the card for the winner to claim- because she, the one who knew the rules, had not looked at any of the cards despite having the opportunity. And then she dealt in the next black card, and she also made a note to send a message to Johnny (Benowitz, the one she actually liked and was probably not worm penis-ed as far as she knew) because she'd read an Article she had Opinions on earlier that day, and she also also stopped laughing before she choked on her own milkshake flavored spit.

She rolled her eyes playfully at Clarissa's proclamation towards her and her fellow Frenchie, a grin on her face. "Of couuurse, of couuuurse." light and jokey, sarcastic in the double-reverse way of saying 'I actually won't do it again but I get to joke about it'. Right, eyes back to the deck, time to unveil. She knew her card, and Claude's due to the scheming of the French, but she still didn't know Marcy's. Ought to be interes- pfffft fuckkkkk. 'Doing white people shit with a bunch of white people' was gold. Literally them. She clutched her head with a hand as she giggled along with Clarissa. ASS game.

Recovering, she beamed at her declaration as the winner, and did a small gesture of a victory fist-pump. She knew she'd made the right choice with that one. "Sexual, but actually MUNDANE??" was always a hit, pretty regardless of who you were joking around with. Victory felt nice either way, even in the silliest of scenarios. Gave her a nice little rush of confidence that was visible in her demeanour. Sweet to look at. She'd hope so, at least.

After having borne witness to the rest of her buds' reactions, it came upon her that it was her turn to be the, throat clearing, fancy voice, Card Czar. God, the game makers hit the nail on the head with that one. Anyway. Black card drawn, slammed on the table like that one show about the dude with the pyramid and weird hair, and—

"How am I, the Card Czar, going to die?"

Oh dear.

She was already stifling some giggles, eyes on her friends. She hated this game, this was gonna be so good.

"MMmm, oui oui mon ami~" Marcy added, in a manner that implied she was in on Claude and Sylvie's French asides, when in reality she hadn't a fucking clue what they were on about.

She scoffed incredulously when Clarissa jumped to Johnny's defence, rolling her eyes with a smirk. Not that she was any more informed on that topic herself, having turned him down years ago back when it was her turn to get hit on. But any guy who preened like a peacock as hard as he did was obviously compensating for something.

Still, it was nice to see that Claude and Sylvie were hitting it off well, sharing a knowing glance with Clarissa as the two laughed amongst themselves.

She was in the middle of slurping down more of her milkshake when Clarissa started reading their cards, stifling a laugh of her own as she did so. It was hard keeping a straight face whenever Clarissa got all giggly, what with that infectious laugh of her's. Didn't win the round, alas, but CAH wasn't really that kinda game. Marcy was having enough fun as it was seeing Sylvie squirm whenever Claude so much as looked at her.

Sylvie was up next, with a promising black card at that. Granted, Marcy lacked anything that matched it nicely, her face scrunching up as she considered her options. God, where's Getting crushed by a vending machine when you need it?

Well, there was one card that worked. It wasn't particularly funny, but lacking any better options she shrugged and slipped it face-down towards the middle of the table.

Natural selection.

A little on the nose perhaps, but hey. Better than nothing.

"How was the Card Czar going to die?"

Basically asking "How was Sylvie going to die?"

To be fair, Claude hoped that she didn't die soon–they all still had their whole lives ahead of them. (Wink wink nudge nudge) But this was just a silly little adult card game, and the young man simply had to let that dark thought go away since that's all that was; a dark though. (WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE!!!) To make sure he could move on to pick a card, he shook his head furiously for a brief moment, thoroughly shaking the thought out of his mind. Once it was gone, Claude began to scour through the cards he had left.

"Oh man..." All the good cards were gone! What the flip...

Claude could only mentally beat himself up for his inability of foresight–or was it hindsight? Whatever! Now was not the time to be thinking of all this extra shit; it was the time to play CaH!

So, the young man took another look at his cards, this time trying to find one that probably described how Sylvie would theoretically die...

"The Care Bear Stare."

Bingo!

It took him a moment to ponder, but once he did, let out a wheezing laugh before playing the card with the sentence facing down so no one could see what he played, "I'm sorry, Sylvie..." Claude said in between breaks of his wheezes as he slowly began to calm down.

About the whole stopping laughing thing, Clarissa was still kind of giggly. A lot giggly. Eehahaha-pff-pff-! Ahahannahhaha! Etc. She liked to think it was in part an evil plan laugh. The schemes... etc. She squished her cheeks with her fingers. She knew she was red as a crimson biome rn.

Giggling like an anime girl. relatable! Did Clarissa even watch anime? Did Parkour Civilization count as anime? Whatever. Still relatable.
Republicans.
President Charles Kirby. Huuuuuuh. Someone probably found that funny. Maybe Raya.

Clarissa actually calmed down a bit when reading those. Kind of a buzz kill, having those cards at all.

Having a penis. Thinking emoji
Still being a virgin. Two thinking emojis

Powerful thighs. TRUE!

Evil plan laugh? Evil plan laugh! Clarissa snapped the card face down Sylvie's way almost immediately.

Sylvie leaned forward on the table, holding her head up with one hand and sipping oh so delicious strawberry hot chocolate with the other. Warmmmm brew. Smile on her face even as she drank. Man, she loved going out. Her eyes, meanwhile, scanned the faces of her friends as they perused their white cards and by extension, her fate. Marcy seemed unusually casual for the game, giving Sylvie an inkling of hope— quickly dashed as Claude and Clarissa began to cackle like madmen. Whoo boy.

In what seemed like no time, all the required cards from the required people were down on the table. Sylvie smiled and began to read off the cards.

"Powerful thighs- pff. What's that supposed to mean!?"

Off to a strong start. Clarissa with the incomprehensibility hitting as always, and hit it did, eliciting a stream of chuckles out of her. Onto the next.

"Care bare stare??"

Sylvie lowered her head into her sleeve lying on the table to muffle a few cackles, red in the face even as she came back up for air. One part laughter and one part embarrassment and one part attraction (because come on it's him). Claude's apology now made sense. Was it even that unrealistic? She had one or two of them in her room, not that a good half of those present would know. Okay, the last one.

"...Natural Selection."

Smaller chuckle. It "fit" the most out of every card presented, but in a way, it made the impact a little weaker. It lacked that je ne sais quois, that... absurdity that made people cackle when playing funny card human game. Funny it remained, however. Sylvie was left with a wide and dumb smile as she put the last one down. Her eyes flitted towards Claude.

"Yeah, this one goes to care bare stare, it's just, it's- it's the mental image- pffft..."

Another fit of chuckles. Red in the face.