Survival Of The Fittest

Alex didn't see the point in staying in her room; it wasn't like she was injured. Even at home she spent time little time in her room. She'd spent her time at the pool, or working on cars, or hanging out with friends. So Alex was wandered the hall of the third story of the hospital, despite repeated warnings from the head nurse. The nurse didn't seem to care that her room was boring. Since she'd done nothing about it, Alex had chosen to disregard her threats. Her travels had taken her to the opposite end of the hospital and still there were familiar faces in almost every bed. She was glad that so many of her classmates had managed to escape.

There were so many more that hadn't, hadn't because her classmates had turned on each other and decided to play the sick game. The game that had cost her her brother and one of the main reasons why she was so restless. She was both looking forward to and dreading seeing her parents again. What would they think of her? Had they been watching at all? Had they seen her lose him, just when she'd found him again? Normally, it was Roman who was lecturing her on staying safe, and Roman who was the responsible one. Yet, look where all that responsibility had gotten him. Had gotten them both. Alex felt herself getting worked up and stopped in the hallway. She took a few seconds to mentally steer herself away from thoughts of her brother. She's spent almost the whole trip off the island thinking of him and right now she didn't want to anymore. She was tired of the whole thing and just wanted it to be over.

The boat trip had been too long. Even though she'd been eating the barest minimum, and using her long acting insulin at increased doses, it hadn't been enough. Within days the sweet ketoacidotic smell on her breath was apparent to everyone, herself included. And it was only a couple of days after that she had started to lose track of where she was. Delerious, confused, she had gotten a bed in a room with the other sick people, and then there was nothing.

Waking up in the hospital had been confusing as well. She was attached to tubes and wires and bags of fluid, but none of it made sense because she didn't feel sick. Actually, she was just really really hungry. She'd tried to get out of bed, but couldn't figure out how to do so without disengaging herself from everything, and years of being the most compliant patient in the diabetes clinic had taken its toll. So she shouted instead. And suddenly a whole range of emotions came from nowhere. Until then, all there had been was a hospital room and a few machines. It was all deeply impersonal, she didn't have any belongings, they were all on the island somewhere. But when she started to scream, everything rushed back.

She had killed someone.
That someone wanted to be killed.
Everyone thought she was a murderer.
She was going to see her parents again.
David might be there too.
She would see Bayview.
She would see St Paul
She would see Minnesota
She would see America
Home. Island. Home. Island.
She could go to college.
If anyone would take her.
Apparently, she had survived Survival of the Fittest.
Except she obviously wasn't very fit.
And lots of people better than her hadn't survived.
Roman hadn't.
Max hadn't.
She had killed someone.
And she had survived.
Was she going to jail?

After a minute, where she screamed on and off in pathetic bursts as tears ran down dried cheeks, a nurse came into the room and looked at her sympathetically. Acacia had looked at her through tear obscured vision and then buried her head in her cannulated hands.

A couple of days later she was moved to another room. Something less dependant. There was still a nurse who came to give her insulin injections, timed precisely with her well portioned meals that weren't enough to make up for the days and days of not eating, on the island, on the boat, while she was unconscious. Still, once the last drip were removed, Acacia was allowed to roam the corridors of the hospital. She mainly avoided other people's company, not making eye contact with them if she saw them. As far as she could tell from spying on them, most people seemd to be in good shape physically. But she couldn't imagine what was going on in their heads. It couldn't have been any less tumultous than what was going on in hers.

She found herself wandering down a corridor on the third floor. There was nobody about, but she could see faces through the windows in some of the doors, and recognised most of them. A couple were people she might have said hello to back at school, maybe even eaten lunch with. Acacia looked out of a window as she passed it, and her heart was thankful again for the expanse of space outside. This was the real world. Her fingers went to her neck. Nothing. It was one of the only parts of her body completely unmarked. She hadn't looked in a mirror since that day on the beach with Charlie and Thea. And Charlie was dead. Acacia still clung on to the hope that she might find Thea around somewhere, she'd been pretty close when they'd announced the escape.

Glancing around, Acacia noticed a figure standing still in the middle of the corridor. Her brain took a second to process who it was, and then she stopped too. Alex Jackson. Roman's sister. The last time she had seen her she'd been asleep, unaware of her brother's demise. She might not even have known it was Acacia who had done it until the announcement, and then she definately would have known. Aside from Roman's parents, there might not be anyone in the world who hated her as much as this girl. Acacia wanted to say something, to apologise. Or if not, run away. Instead she couldn't move, and did nothing beside muffle a yelp. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't wake you. Or tell you. Please don't kill me. she silently pleaded.

Alex figured that it was almost over. She'd made it back here to the St…well the right continent anyway. She wondered briefly where exactly the island they'd been on was. Lost in thought she continued to move down the hall. She glanced down the hall and saw someone had joined her. It took her a moment to realize that it was Acacia. Acacia! It couldn't be, couldn't possibly be. It was one of the rules; you can't have played the game. Acacia had played and then hadn't even had the courage to face her. She'd run away.

Alex broke into a run, emotion taking over as she tackled Acacia, sending them both sprawling to the floor. She pushed herself up with on arm and began to swing wildly. Alex felt her punches land a few times, but by now she didn't care. The action made her feel better. Finally, finally she was able to get her revenge, to tell her parents that she'd done something besides sleep.

She felt hands grab her around her shoulders and fought against them. She landed another punch before she was physically pulled off her feet.

"Let me go," she shouted trying to twist out of their hold. "She did it! She killed my brother! She killed him!"

Acacia had stood rooted to the spot as Alex noticed her and ran towards her. Ah. Aah! Crap! This was the moment, she could see it playing out in slow motion. Saw someone appear behind Alex further down the corridor, and tried to remember how to ask to be saved. Do something! Shout! Run! She willed herself to get moving. Her legs finally kicked in and she took a few feeble steps backwards before she was tackled to the ground. Crashing back against the cold linoleum floor, Alex fell slightly to one side and immediately went in for a punch. At the last second Acacia's eyes widened and she managed to shield herself slightly, twisting her body away from a hit that landed on her shoulder. She turned back, and opened her mouth to say something. Something needed to be said. Even as she looked at Alex's face she realised that uncovering herself was a bad idea.

The girl looked out of control. Wild swinging arms that Acacia barely had a chance to appreciate before one of them made contact with her right eye. Her vision blackened for one sickening moment before returning in a pool of tears. She looked up and the lights seemed too bright for what was going on. Things like this usually happened in dark alleys, not hospital corridors that were flooded with both day and fluorescent light. The next punch landed her jaw, and there was a sickening crunch as though something might have dislocated. She raised her right arm to cover herself, just as someone reached them. Was it the person from the end of the corridor.

One final hit to the crook of her arm, before suddenly there was relief. Air washed over her as she pushed herself away and scrambled unsteadily to a sitting position. Realising she had been holding her breath all the time and hyperventilating now to make up for it. She checked her jaw gingerly as her chest heaved, but it seemed to have maintained usual position in the joint, though it was bruised. Acacia looked at Alex critically then, sliding a few metres backwards, feeling sick. It wasn't just the beating up, in a way she felt like she deserved that, it was the memories it brought back. Her eyes filled with tears again, emotional this time, as she pressed a hand over her aching jaw.

"Right, because this is what Roman would have wanted?" Acacia said abruptly, breathlessly, wincing as she moved her mouth. She resumed speaking again, slightly muffled. "I didn't want to kill him. He-" deep breath, "he asked me to. Wanted it to end. He'd done what he wanted, found you." Her eye was pounding in its socket, she could feel it bruising already. Her stomach churned at the memory. The regret. It would have been so easy to wake Alex, to tell her what was going to happen, let her say her goodbyes. She wanted to apologise, but all she was doing was sound accusing. Acacia tried to formulate the words in her head, but they sounded alien when they came out of her mouth. There was a pause. Her breathing calmed. "I'm sorry."

Alex was breathing heavy from the attack and glared at the girl from where she was still held in the orderly's grip. Acacia stopped talking and winced and Alex took a small out of pleasure in the other girl's pain.

"You unbelievable bitch! You're sorry? SORRY?! You took my brother from me," Alex screamed as she fought against the restraining grip. She tossed her head and tried to scoot forward towards Acacia again with little progress. "You took him because he wanted it? How the hell do you know what he wanted? From your long history together? You traveled with him, what, three days and suddenly you know better what he wanted? He's my brother, mine!"

Panting now, she scowled at the other girl. "You think maybe, maybe I should have had a say in what happened to him? No, you didn't think about it! You were just too selfish. You didn't want to do it, but you did anyway. And then you ran away and left a note. A NOTE! And that's supposed to make it okay? It's not. It's not okay." Alex ran out of steam. She stopped fighting the orderly and allowed the tears to come.

Alex stared Acacia in the eye, refusing to back down. Let the bitch see the outcome of her handiwork. "I don't forgive you and I don't want your apology. It doesn't make anything better. I'm going to be sure that the whole world knows exactly what you did."

Acacia stared at Alex open mouthed, completely unable to respond. Tears started boiling up behind her eyes and she willed herself not to start crying. She must have looked weak enough as it was, sitting on the floor while he classmate tried to kill her. There were parts of her that disagreed with each other. Simultaneously she agreed with Alex that she was a disgusting person who didn't deserve to have been rescued, while also being angry that she was being damned for the most difficult thing she had ever had to do.

"You- you're talking as though I wanted to do it," Acacia burst, unable to keep the wavering edge that showed she was on the brink of tears from her voice. She took a deep shuddering breath, trying to maintain her calm. In her mind she replayed it over and over again.

"Hey Acacia. You, um... you heard all that didn't you?"

Nodding imperceptibly in the darkness, Acacia sat down, cross-legged, on the floor to Roman's left. The moon was behind her, casting her face into shadow, and she watched her own profile flit across him before she settled back against a stump. The harsh, colourless light reflected off his features, and Acacia fought to steady her voice before answering.

"Yes."

"Maybe he asked me because he knew you wouldn't have been able to? All he talked about for four days was how much he wanted to find you. That's what we were doing. Looking for you."

Acacia turned around and lay down next to Roman, turning onto her side so her mouth was close to his ear.
"You've been brilliant," she whispered, allowing a few tears to fall freely, they were immediately wicked away by the earth. "Just brilliant. I couldn't have asked for a better person to spend the last four days with." She remembered the prayer. "I'll- I'll see you in Heaven, okay?"

Suddenly, the last part of what Alex said clicked in Acacia's mind.

"A note?"

As she pressed, she closed her eyes, putting one hand on his shoulder as by default he started to fight. He was weak. "Sssh," Acacia soothed as best she could, her heart thudding fast and deep. Her brain was screaming at her to let go, to stop. To let nature take its course. To remember what she was here for. Why am I here? What am I doing? But there was a deep, animalistic part of her that took over, pressing gradually harder and harder until her arms ached with maintaining the pressure and her head throbbed with emotions, until he stopped moving and the crash of drums that had been crescendoing around her suddenly fell away with a great anticlimax and she let go. She put two shaking fingertips to his neck, and felt nothing.

"I didn't leave a note."

Perhaps that was worse.

Gently, she knelt down beside Jojo, shaking him awake by the shoulder.

"It- it's your turn," she said in a broken voice. "I have to go, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Look after Alex. Tell her- tell her I'm sorry,"

"I told Jojo." Acacia stopped, trying to figure out what might have happened after she left. Did Jojo write a note? "I should have told you, but I was scared you'd kill me. Like now. I didn't think I would ever see you again. Wanted to get home to tell your parents sorry. Never thought I'd need to apologise to you. Not that you want one anyway. Fucking hell," Acacia pressed her hands tenderly to her jaw as she forgot about the pain for a moment and moved her mouth too much. She squeezed her eyes shut as best she could, waiting for the wave of pain to pass. Island? No problem. Hardly a scratch except for ketoacidosis. Hospital on the other hand? Get beat up on your third trip out of your hospital room by the twin of the person you killed. Welcome to the life of Acacia Salinger, once so envied, now a wreck sitting on the floor. "I don't know what you want me to do."

Alex stared at Acacia open-mouthed. "All he talked about was finding me and you thought oh since he's found her now it's okay for him to die. And because you thought you wouldn't have to apologize that some how made it okay?!? Newsflash my parents won't accept your apology either. And if you see my mom you'd better run the other way. So what I'd like...what I'd really like is for you to go home to your family members, spend a great night with them, and then you wake up and find them gone. I'm sure whoever takes them will tell your neighbor about it."

Acacia stood up, shakily, testing out the parts of her that had been beaten. Her shoulder felt bruised and injured but she suspected it would be okay. No lasting damage. She hoped there wasn't any obvious injury, didn't want people to ask how she had gotten it and then she would have to tell them what would happen. Because then they might offer their opinions, and that was something that she really didn't want to hear. Squaring up slightly, Acacia looked at Alex with a completely blank expression, because anything seemed wrong. Angry seemed wrong because technically the girl was right, but that was the only thing she really felt. What else was there? Guilt? Pity? Begging for forgiveness? Irritated?

"Look," Acacia said, determined to have her final say, and ignoring Alex's comment. She realised that this was probably the last time she was ever going to speak to the girl, the sister of the boy she had killed, her classmate. "Clearly nothing I say is going to be good enough for you, so I'll just say it bluntly so you actually have the facts. He asked me to kill him. He was probably going to be dead by morning anyway. He couldn't ask you to do it because you would have said no. I'm sorry that I couldn't prepare you, and I'm sorry I was a coward and I ran away. You can try and tell the world your story of events, but they happened as I just said they did, and the world saw it and you didn't. That-" she faltered slightly for the first time since beginning her little speech. "That's all I have to say. I wish you all the best in life. I'll be going now."

Acacia turned to limp down the corridor. An orderly appeared from nowhere and tried to help her but she shrugged him off. Really, the external pain was nothing compared to what she felt inside.