[Girl #101 - Sofia Martelli. Continued from
When the Bite Just isn't Sharp Enough.]
She was alone.
♪ And we keep driving into the night. ♫
She had been alone that first night too, when she was wandering through the thick pine forest, flashlight in hand to illuminate her lonely path, her lonely road through the hell that was now her life; Always fearing the unknown just out of sight, the possibility of death and despair behind every turn, behind every tree and every bush hidden in the shadows. Her pace was slow but steady, determined and ever stubborn, yielding to no obstacle that stood in her way whether it was physical or otherwise; She didn't stop to sleep, didn't stop to rest, determined to find the one she was looking for, determined to find the safety in his arms that she desired now more than ever before.
As she moved ever onward, she thought back to every shared moment, every memory she had made with him, every day they spent together or every occasion they were together; All the times they helped one another, offered up a shoulder to cry on or a leg to stand on, every time a hand was extended in kindness. Every time she had to give him a kick to get him going or every time he helped her deal with something that, even though she never would admit it, she couldn't handle on her own. The days and weeks and months and years they spent together, growing up together, sharing stories and making memories...
She missed those days.
She wanted to go back and change things now, make things better than they had been, change something she had done to alter how things would turn out; She wanted to go back and figure out exactly how she felt, tell him what she was thinking and how he made her feel, how important he had been to her and how she cherished his friendship. Tell him everything that was on her mind, what she really felt about that night at prom or the kiss that ended the night, why she did what she had done and why she wasn't able to tell him anything before. But she couldn't go back and do any of that now, she had to keep pushing herself to move forward, to find him and tell him now everything she could; This could very well be the last chance she would get and she didn't want to ruin it.
Not again.
♪ And we keep driving into the night. ♫
She kept moving onward, kept pushing herself to keep going, to keep moving no matter what, to find the one she needed to find and tell him everything she wanted to admit; Everything she would have to admit not just to him but to herself as well, everything she had been doubtful of in the past that she wanted more time to figure out, but time is one thing no one had very much of anymore. Once you were in this hellish game of twisted design, your time was limited unless you were willing to do anything, willing to strike down anyone in your way; She wouldn't let anything or anyone stand in her way, keep her from her goals, but she didn't fathom the thought of actually having to kill someone to reach those goals.
But even as she pushed onward, she was brought back to every little memory that they shared, every little thought she had about him; In school or when she was working, when they were together or when she was alone. Without even noticing, she had delved into memories she had pushed aside, thoughts and feelings she had ignored so long ago, daydreams and wandering ideas that caught her breath in her throat and brought a flush to her skin; Memories melted away to reveal long forgotten fantasies, lonely moments in her car or alone in the dark of her room, the false and created memories from her own mind, her secret imagination.
♪ Your breath hot upon my cheek, and we crossed... that line. ♫
In the dark of the night, her red tinted skin was barely noticed but the heat that suddenly permeated her body, the feeling of her cheeks burning and the quickened pace of her heart, the feeling of nervousness and the sudden, secretive effects brought forth from the thoughts did not escape her notice. Everything disappeared from sight as she closed her eyes, as she tried to calm her racing thoughts and the sudden inescapably baser demands of nature, the demands of her body and her struggling rationalizations to ignore them; A long breath in and a slow shuddering exhale, the barely noticeable trembling and the chill running down the center of her back, the building warmth of her skin and the sudden collapse of her will. After all that had gone on, with everything that they would be forced to face in the days to come, a moment to relax, a moment of reprieve from the stress and the thoughtlessness that would come with a lonely night... It was a temptation that couldn't be passed up.
♪ You made me strong when I was weak... and we crossed, that one time. ♫
♪ The Devil grins from ear to ear when he sees the hand he's dealt us. ♫
"No!"
She couldn't listen to that first announcement, the morning of the second day, when she listened to the glee in that horrible voice as it called out the list of those dead and the list of those who had done the killing; She didn't want to listen to that man take any sort of enjoyment from the suffering that was going on, from the pointless deaths that never needed to happen or the precious lives cut short by the horrible hand of fate. She wanted to cover her ears and pretend she never heard the names or the voice, pretend none of it had ever happened and they weren't all going to end up dead, but she couldn't. She couldn't find the strength to move at all when she heard that list get called out over the loudspeakers.
Each and every name.
Right down to the one that mattered most.
"NO!"
There was nothing she could do to stop the tears from coming or the violent sobbing, nothing she wanted to do but hear that it wasn't true, that he wasn't dead, that someone hadn't killed the only person she wanted to be with more than anything else right now; She pulled her backpack close, wrapped her arms tightly around the relative comfort of the clothing filled bag and buried her head into her pillow. She wouldn't stop crying, couldn't stop sobbing and didn't want to; She wanted him back, she wanted him to be there to hold her and help her but now he was gone and she would never get a chance to tell him how she felt. She would never get that chance to tell her what he meant to her.
It was too late.
Hours passed and she remained in that very spot, she never moved and never stopped crying, never wanted to get up and keep moving down her chosen road. There was nothing left for her, nothing for her to chase after and no one for her to find, no reason for her to keep going or to keep pushing herself. She had nothing left to fight for, nothing left to justify her presence there, nothing to hope for and no one left to save her, to help her get through this living nightmare. She didn't have any reason to keep moving and so... she never continued. She never got up from where she had chosen to rest, never saw any reason to keep pushing herself to continue. She just mourned the only person she wanted to be with in this terrible place, the one person who had always been there for her when she needed him, the one person she could always count on to help her no matter what.
Day would give way to dusk and dusk would melt away for the night, as the moon rose into the sky and the only noise that permeated the night was the mournful weeping of a lonely girl. A girl who had lost someone very close to her, a friend she had known for years and someone she could count on; A boy who had shared so many moments with this lonely little girl, a young man who had bared his heart to the young woman he had grown to love. Every memory that was brought to the sorrow filled mind of the young girl only brought more tears with it, more moments that she would always regret not changing, every time she had the chance to tell him how she felt but she never did.
That night at prom came to mind and the agonizing grief only built, regret piling upon regret as she remembered the moment he wore his heart on his sleeve, the moment he pulled her close and sealed the night with a kiss; The moment she regretted more than anything else, the moment she broke his heart and tore her own, the moment she should have admitted to him and to herself everything she knew to be true. Alone in the woods, a young girl filled with regret and sorrow cried. Mourning a loss that was too great for words, a piece torn from her heart that would never be replaced.
The lonely girl mourned her first love.
♪ It's a late goodbye. Such a late goodbye... ♫
She was alone.
The sun had yet to come up again, brief bits of light from the moon peeking through the thick canopy of pine and fir trees above her, revealing the path she had reluctantly begun to follow; She had managed to pull herself back up less than an hour ago, no more crying, no more sobbing, no more thoughts of missed chances and lost opportunities. Just a blank stare and tear stained cheeks, dirty clothes and consistent grip upon the lead pipe in her hand, a trudging pace through the woods to the sound of running water in the ever nearing distance. She may have wanted to remain where she was, to mourn the loss of Tony and do nothing but sit in the dark, but she had a new path to follow, a new road that had been set out before her. Not one she made herself but one made for her.
She had a path to follow that early morning and she would follow it willingly, the bag that had brought her a tiny sense of comfort hanging from her back as her footfalls broke the leaf litter below her, broke the twigs and crushed the needles; All she could see before her was a dark path and a noise in the distance, a temptation to wash away what had happened and be rid of the filth that clung to her body and soul that she would give in to. No more sorrowful lament, no more mournful weeping, no more grief or regret. Just the choices to be made and the consequences of those choices.
♪ On the asphalt underneath, our crushed plans and my lies. ♫
A familiar feeling came with the goal in mind, the task she had set out to do and was focused on to the point of being single minded; A feeling she had reveled in when she first woke up in this nightmare, a feeling she had intended to keep with her as long as she could but one she failed to hold on to when it came down to it. But now, it had returned stronger than ever, had returned with a new focus in mind and would never leave her this time; This time, she had a far stronger reason to keep that feeling, to hold on to it with all her strength and make sure it was put to good use. This time, she wouldn't fail in her goal and wouldn't let the bubbling emotions slip through her fingers. Not this time.
She wouldn't ruin it.
Her destination was close now, a chance to wash away everything she didn't want clinging to her and a chance to come clean with herself; With it came a second chance at rest, at relaxation where she could get it and a moment to herself that she wasn't about to pass up. A change of clothes and a chance at something normal, something familiar, something that was exactly what they would have been doing had this trip turned out to be nothing more than an ordinary camping trip with those of the senior class lucky enough to go.
Lucky...
She tightened her grip.
She stared into the river.
At the naked girl bathing within it.
"Not so mysterious now, are you--"
"Meredith?"