Survival Of The Fittest

((Private thread, got some plans to do. Dun come in plz.

Regina Straw continued from Shopping for SOTF))

The weather had been so nice lately. Winter was always Regina's least favorite time of year - being forced to bundle up, all that disgusting slush getting all over her clothes and the floors, and GOD, the COLD, it was unbearable! (Not to mention Rose is home for the holidays, that's just the icing on the fucking crap sandwich.) This year in particular winter had seemed excruciatingly long, but it didn't matter anymore. Spring was here, and she could dress as comfortably as she wanted (And show off the goods! Hehehe...) and put all of that discomfort out of her mind for the time being. Lolling around on the grass and admiring the patterns the sunlight and shadows of each blade created, she didn't have a care in the world.

...Well, besides Lloyd. Where the fuck was he?! They usually met outside school once classes got out, but he was generally the first one to get there... what was making him so late? (Not another girl? Oh I would fucking end them both...) Regina was never a patient girl. She'd barely paid attention at all during classes today - all she had on her mind was seeing Lloyd again.

Lloyd and Regina were certainly an odd couple, and Regina was fully aware of it - very close in height, one skinny, dark-haired, a bit on the reserved side and the other a loud, heavy redhead, but it never bothered Regina much. Lloyd was a nice guy, he certainly wasn't bad looking, and he genuinely liked her, which was really all that mattered, right?

...Of course, they weren't without their problems, either. Regina could understand someone else wanting to wait to have sex (I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT ANY LONGER), if that worked for you, great, all the best, but it definitely wasn't a philosophy she subscribed to herself. She'd jumped at her first chance to have sex (Ugh, god, that guy sucked so bad...) and had herself something of a track record with a lot of the nerdier guys at Bayview, which she never hesitated to brag about. Most of the guys she'd dated had more or less been just as eager, but Lloyd was different, and it threw her for a loop. He claimed he just wasn't interested in sex, (Bullshit, who ISN'T interested?!) but Regina wasn't convinced. Either the time just wasn't right, or he had some kind of problem with her, and today was the day Regina would find out for sure.

...Or at least she would if he would FUCKING GET HERE ALREADY!

Lloyd, on the other hand, was quite the fan of Winter, and eagerly waited for the season all year. Not only did it make things look much more soothing due to being blanketed in white snow, but it allowed him to wear jackets and overcoats without feeling uncomfortable. This did not mean that he didn't wear them in hot weather; Lloyd arrived at the scene with his customary red and gray jacket, along with his typical confident grin. Upon seeing Regina, he extended said grin into a smile, along with closing his eyes for a moment to accompany the expression. The latter display was a custom he had acquired from reading a manga or two in his time, though he would never admit it to anyone.

Lloyd was, naturally, aware of his tardiness. However, instead of panicking and rushing to their meeting point, he had decided to pick up the pace and slow down once he approached Regina. After all, if he was going to be late, he might as well do it with as much dignity as he could possibly salvage. He raised his right hand in a friendly, if slightly unmotivated, wave. This was not out of genuine laziness, but merely to cause the impression of being laid-back and easy-going. Indeed, many of Lloyd's mannerisms came from his habit of displaying a good image rather than showing his real one. Lloyd was aware of this, and he did not consider it a bad custom. After all, they were in high school; who didn't do his or her best to create a good reflection of themselves in here?

Of course, Lloyd had a limit to sticking to the status quo, and he drew the line at going anywhere without his trusty gray headphones. If someone listened really intently, an unrecognizable upbeat song could be heard. However, upon formulating his wave, Lloyd's left hand went to his pocket so he could turn off his small, black iPod. The music stopped, leaving the air unoccupied of its whisper so that it could be replaced by another moderately soft sound.

"Hey." Lloyd said, now lowering his right hand so that it could accompany the other one in his pockets. He wasn't looking straight at Regina as much as he was looking around while admiring the scenery, despite the fact that he had seen it countless times before; Lloyd was not extremely good at making eye contact, though he had enough manners to do so when talking to someone, much like he was about to. "Sorry I'm late. What's up?" The black-haired student inquired.

(Finally...)

Regina's lips parted and a wide grin spread across her chubby face, revealing just the slightest hint of a dimple in each cheek. It didn't take much for Regina to crack a smile, but a huge, genuine one could be tough to get her to make. Seeing her boyfriend, however, almost always did the trick - it was such a warm-and-fuzzy kind of thing when she saw him for the first time in a while. Maybe she didn't love him, not in the never-be-around-anybody-else, destined-to-get-married-and-have-a-million-babies kind of way, but she did enjoy his company. Besides, they were young, right? She had her whole life for that. ...And sure they were different, too, and drove each other nuts on occasion (Maybe a bit more often than usual lately...), but Lloyd was hers, and he made her feel wanted. And that was the best feeling in the world.

"What took you so long, asshole?" she giggled, shoving Lloyd playfully. He had to have a good excuse... he was never late. She was just being paranoid because she was in a bad mood. (And I fucking should be, I can't believe I didn't get that solo...)

"Actually, you know what, don't worry about it," Regina hastily added. She didn't want to seem too demanding right now, anyway. Not more than usual, at least. "I just wanna know what we're gonna do now, we've got to get out of here. This day sucked."

As she spoke, Regina closed the distance between the two of them and gently put her hand over his own, weaving their fingers together and beaming at him again, the sun sparkling in her eyes. There was that warm-fuzzy thing again - she really did like being with him, all things considered, even when she was feeling crappy.

(But does he like being with me as much...?)

Lloyd cheered up a bit at seeing Regina smile; not that he wasn't considerably happy already. He wasn't always the most social person around, but like any other person, he enjoyed making his friends smile. It made him feel like he was in the right track; slowly cooperating to the environment that surrounded him as a whole.

Lloyd didn't really have a valid reason for being late. Not unless you counted finishing his schoolwork while everyone else was leaving. Lloyd was certainly not one of the best students in school but, in the rare cases when he set his mind to something, he made sure to complete it, no matter how long it took. However, Lloyd was aware that his excuse would not sound very convincing. After all, how many people actually spent precious free time working? As he set a slightly disaligned headphone into its place, Lloyd decided to just be honest and face incredulousness if that was what it came to. The very least he could do for his friends was spare them the dishonesty of lies.

As he opened his mouth to say his reason, he listened to Regina move away from the subject. Lloyd was slightly relieved, even he wouldn't have believed his own reason. In return, he responded as naturally as he could.

"Oh, I was thinking about doing the usual. Movie and dinner." Lloyd said. He had not had much experience in the dating field, but he had enough common sense to know that those two were always good options. With any luck, he would actually end up choosing a movie that didn't rely on action or adventure.

Cheerfully oblivious of romantic gestures as always, Lloyd didn't react to his hand being touched beyond looking at Regina with a smile. He was well-aware she did this as his girlfriend, rather than a normal friend, but he did not consider just how meaningful it was for her. Instead, he put the effort into gathering the enthusiasm to start the evening. He nodded and started walking towards the parking lot.

"...Yeah, that sounds good."

Aaand there he went, off to the car. Didn't ask what was bugging her, didn't ask what was so bad, barely even responded when she held his hand. Not even a kiss on the cheek. There goes that whole warm-fuzzy shit. Was she being too subtle? ...Could she BE any less subtle? But Lloyd was always odd like this. Regina was never sure whether to chalk it up to him just being that freaking oblivious or if something was wrong, but she was getting pretty tired of it. It took all of her restraint not to just yell her frustration at his back as it retreated for the parking lot, but she managed. Her last boyfriend had called her a bitch, well she'd show him who could be fucking tactful. (I'll be so un-bitchy it'll fucking HURT.) So, she simply bounded after him and continued her thought.

"So, you know who got the solo in the last song? Jenna. I can't believe they gave it to a JUNIOR. You think they could've cut me some SLACK..." as she said this, she entwined her hand in Lloyd's again, squeezing with a bit more force this time and leaning into him a bit. "Lloooooooyd, I'm so upseeeeeeeet..." There, he couldn't ignore that. Too bad she had to beat him over the head with it to get anywhere...

"Oh, hey, you know what's out is that Leatherheads movie, you know, with George Clooney and that guy from The Office? I really want to see that one. They're both really hot!"

Squeeze.

"Oh, and speaking of, what were you thinking of doing, you know, after?"

(Let's see him ignore THAT.)

Regina's comment had a much bigger impact this time on Lloyd. It was a lot easier to figure out someone was upset when they flat-out told it to you. His expression changed to one of moderate shock at Regina's notice. "Really? I can't believe that!" He commented, following the statement (Which came out a lot more credible than Lloyd thought it would) with a sigh. "Obviously, the teacher doesn't knows what he's on about." He said. Lloyd was a pretty good friend to several teachers, but this particular one was completely unknown to him, so there probably wasn't any harm in talking behind his back.

Lloyd did not mind Regina's comment on the two main actors in the movie. He definitely wasn't the jealous type, and he believed others considered that a positive quality, so he had no reason to change it. Instead, he nodded at her suggestion, eager to see the movie himself. After all, he had quite enjoyed several of the actors' works before; having another person watching the movie with him would only heighten the enjoyment.

"Yeah, sounds good!" He said as he approached his car. It wasn't a bad car (A blue BMW), thought it was bought with no effort from Lloyd's part thanks to his parents. Still, Lloyd was not completely satisfied with it. After all, Lloyd considered motorcycles a much more modern form of transport, not to mention more in line with the sort of media he appreciated. There was no way in hell his parents would allow him to ride one though, so that was out of the question. Naturally, this didn't stop Lloyd from dreaming.

Lloyd may have been, well, slightly oblivious, but he wasn't an idiot. Though he wasn't completely sure, he could pick up the undertones sent in Regina's question. Thinking fast, he decided to play it cool and just direct a look at his girlfriend. "Hmm. Hadn't really thought that far. What did you have in mind?" He inquired.

"God I KNOW, right? I don't know what his deal is! I think he's just biased against me or something, like, Jenna's kind of a suck up, and he probably has a hard-on for her or something, I don't know. But I mean... I'm not even the only senior that tried out! We've been doing it longer, we totally deserve it more! I don't get it!"

She wasn't entirely sure whether or not he was really listening to her, but whatever the case, at least he let her rant for a bit, didn't interrupt her or tell her she was going too far. Regina couldn't stand being interrupted or corrected. Even moreso than not listening, it always made her feel like people didn't really care about what she had to say, and even if Lloyd could be oblivious about other things, at least he understood that. That, and he didn't mind her taste in movies. (Damn right it sounds great...)

...In fact, he was pretty accommodating in general. Maybe she was being too harsh on him about the sex thing after all? He was sweet, endearingly dorky, had a car (Could be a better one, but still...), he definitely didn't dislike her...

Did he? When she brought sex back up again less subtly, she was a little surer that he had gotten the message this time, judging by the tone of his voice and the fact that he looked right at her. Regina met his eyes with her own. She tried to keep her stare as innocent as possible, but all the faux-innocence she could muster couldn't keep a bit of defiance out of her face, especially after he asked her exactly what she wanted to do. (Come ON, what do you think?! Do I HAVE to just say it?)

When it came down to it, sex was an important part of a relationship for Regina. Fine, maybe not EVERYTHING, but still... probably one of the most important parts. Pretty much every couple did it, didn't they? Even if the actual sex sucked, just the act of having it was how two people showed they were serious about each other. After all, if you're not comfortable with someone, you're not going to have sex with them, right? It meant so many things to Regina, but more than anything else it was a sign that a boy truly liked her, despite her attitude, despite her weight, despite his other options. He might have made excuses to the contrary, but the fact that Lloyd was so hesitant about sex convinced her that he didn't actually want to be with Regina as much as he said he did. And if he didn't change his mind soon... would he ever?

(Fine, then, I'll just fucking say it.)

"Look... I really just wanna know when we can... you know, have sex. We've been dating a while..."

Regina suddenly realized that saying "sex" out loud like that was unfamiliar to her. But when she considered it, it made sense that it would be. She was so used to only having to drop a few hints about it in order for her partner to get the picture, or talking about it with her friends using cliched and thinly veiled metaphors that the term "having sex" seemed almost clinical to her. Obviously the fact that she had to put it in such uncomfortably plain terms proved that there was a problem here. Regina put her doubts aside. This was the right thing to do. She had to get answers from him. (NOW.)

((Terribly, terribly sorry for the delay, Land. Had to wrap up some things before entering vacation.))

Lloyd nearly literally froze. For a few seconds, he held the same expression he had before Regina had brought up the matter. The time Lloyd had dreaded, yet expected just as much, had finally comed. Lloyd didn't even know where to begin, seeing no outcome that would satisfy both of them. A clear sign that he was taking the matter quite seriously was the fact that he took off his pair of headphones without anyone requesting it. Lloyd opened his mouth to speak, yet reconsidered and closed it again. He thought for a moment on how to handle the situation.

"I... well, I mean..." He sighed. "I'm going to be completely honest here... You deserve that much. I really like, no, love the way things are right now." He started, this would've probably sounded pretty suspicious to just about anyone, yet Lloyd was aware of that, so he kept talking. "I think it's pretty likely that having sex would change things between us..." Like Regina, Lloyd hated to use the word 'sex', though for slightly different reasons; the mere insinuation of it seemed crude to Lloyd, especially when talking to a girl. However, he was being completely straight with her right now, and he was not going to sugar-coat the argument by adding euphemisms.

"Hanging out with you, whether it's by seeing a movie or simply talking after school, is pretty much the high point of the day for me. I look forward to it. If we had..." And he hesitated this time. "Sex, it could mean the end of that. Things would turn complicated between us, and the point at which we broke up could even come. I really... really don't want that to happen." He finished speaking. By this time, he was even blushing, not out of embarrasment, but out of complete frustation with trying to find the phrases to express how he felt.

((Don't worry about it, dude, we're probably only a post or two each away from finishing this up, anyway.))

When Regina had finally come out and told him exactly what she wanted, she had expected Lloyd to be a little taken aback, but all the same, she was still surprised by the way he reacted. Not only did he practically stop moving, he took his headphones off before he continued speaking. (Shit, is this the first time I've seen him do that? It feels like it...) She supposed it was a good thing - this meant she'd finally be getting a straight-up answer as to whether they would EVER sleep together - but all the same the fact that he was being so serious about it was a little unsettling. It made things seem so... final. This was it, yes or no, do or die.

She kept the same slightly defiant stare on her face, not taking her eyes off of Lloyd while he was talking. In fact, she stared at him for a few moments of silence after he was done, as well. Regina was at a complete loss for words. There was one fact that she was completely certain of, however.

Lloyd's answer was not what she wanted to hear.

(Oh, I will fucking GIVE YOU COMPLICATED.)

"So... what? We'll just... hang out together all the time? And that's it, that's what you want? What are you saying, we should just be friends? Because that's what it sounds like, it sounds like you don't want to be a couple. You definitely never want to ACT like one!"

She had been making little effort to hide the annoyance in her voice to begin with, but Regina hadn't intended for her volume to steadily rise, and she definitely didn't mean to shriek. Now that she was on a roll, though, there wasn't much stopping her from unloading every bitter thought she'd ever had, from the time the two of them met in class right up to the complaint about his stupid BMW she'd silenced a moment ago.

"You NEVER want to do ANYTHING with me, you barely respond when I hold your fucking HAND, you never want to act like you're dating me! You don't want things to 'get complicated'? BULLSHIT. Just admit that you don't fucking want to be with me, you don't really like me, and you don't have the FUCKING GUTS TO SAY IT!! That's it, isn't it? ISN'T IT?!"

(FUCKING ASSHOLE I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, HOW DARE HE, BASTARD, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!!)

She certainly hadn't expected tears, either. Not that it mattered. She could deal with tears, and this was far from the first time she'd thrown a tantrum like this. As long as she could remain angry, keep yelling, keep raging, she didn't have to worry about seeming vulnerable, even if she was crying. And it looked like she was going to remain angry for quite a while.

((Thanks, Land. Also, I would like to take this opportunity to point out it's extremely bizarre to interact with you like this when our characters are, well...))

Aaand this was the part where it all went to hell. It actually wasn't as surprising as Lloyd had expected; the sheer amount of relationship-related cynicism that had kept him from getting sexually involved with other people had done a good job of preparing him for this moment. Not that he wanted it to end this way, of course. He wondered if maybe he should react to this in a completely fake manner; act as if he couldn't believe what he had just said, apologize to Regina and meet her halfway in whatever she suggested. That could fix things, couldn't it? Or well, he could always try ending it peacefully, walking away and sparing both of them the pain of having the other scream at them (That was without considering how unlikely it was for Lloyd to scream at anyone, which only made him more defenseless against Regina's claims).

Or, if both options didn't satisfy him, he could just keep pulling the 'honest' routine and see how far it got him.

Lloyd had always considered himself slightly more intelligent than other people his age. Despite the fact that his grades didn't support this private claim, he would often grant himself a mental compliment when he didn't find one of his friend's supposedly immature jokes amusing, or when he would know a usually-useless detail everybody was unaware of in class. This habit would surely come off as a narcissistic trait to just about everyone, but another talent Lloyd considered support for his claim was how good he was at maintaining a façade, thus not revealing this thought. Perhaps it was this belief that kept him so separated from other people for most of his childhood; the belief that only he could truly understand the inner 'him'. However, at this very moment; as he decided to stand firm in his truthful stance no matter what came his way, even he couldn't help but feel like a complete utter moron.

"That's not it at all..." He started, actually averting his eyes from Regina, his sorrowful face holding a small amount of guilt to it. " I just... I..." Why couldn't he get anything out? Worst of all, why was he reacting so mellowly to this situation? "I do want to be with you... That's why I wanted to keep things so... so simple..." Lloyd wanted to say more, but he couldn't. Maybe Regina was right after all, maybe he just didn't know how to be in a relationship. Maybe all of his ideals concerning sexuality were a safeguard to protect himself from the truth that he could not handle anything above hand-holding. He cared for her, yes, but did he actually have what it took to take care of their relationship?

And now Regina was crying. If this were any other day, Lloyd would have felt terrible. He would have gone on for a few moments about how the problem Regina was facing was not her fault, and how it would solve itself pretty soon. He couldn't do that this time, though. He couldn't even try to stop her anger by any means. All he could do was feel sorrow at her crying, knowing that sadness alone would not do anything to help.

No, perhaps not even that.

If after all this time, Lloyd had been faking his characteristics to please those around him, how did he know this sadness wasn't fabricated either? How did he know that, deep inside, he didn't really care for Regina, or his friends, or just about anyone he knew? What if he was only a hollow shell, with no other purpose than to fulfill not only everyone's fantasies, but his own as well? More than breaking up with Regina, more than having his name stained on how socially-inept he was, that was what scared him most of all.

That in truth, in the very inner depths of his mind, hidden beyond all the 'caring' and 'sorrow', Lloyd just couldn't give a damn about what happened.

Regina didn't entirely hear Lloyd's explanation, what with the blood pounding behind her ears, her sniffling back more tears and of course, the fact that she was almost screaming now, but she did pick up the cues of his body language, and they egged her on even more. He couldn't even look at her anymore, (WUSS. LOOK ME IN THE FACE.) he was afraid, she was in control now, yes, he was going to fucking listen to her, he didn't think she was good enough, she'd fucking show him.

"You never liked me in the first place!!" she accused, not even acknowledging whatever the fuck Lloyd had said - it probably didn't matter much at this point, anyway. There was no way things could be fixed easily now, not after all the effort she had gone through to throw this fit. "What the hell do you WANT from me? Am I too much of a bitch, is that it, or do you just think I'm ugly, WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO? Ugh, you're such an ASS, LLOYD..."

As she continued to accuse him of things that had nothing to do with what he'd told her, Regina began to stop listening to precisely what she herself was saying, as well. At this point, she was more concerned with keeping the rant up, keep Lloyd from getting a word in. Really, she could just get away with screaming random expletives without listening to what either of them actually said the whole time.

And this she did.

"...fucking SHIT! And if you think I'm just gonna get into your lame-ass BMW after pulling this SHIT, fucking FORGET IT! I'm SICK of this, I'm getting the fuck out of here, I'll just take the late bus, I'll WALK for I care, I do NOT want to fucking SEE YOU, you FUCKING DOUCHE... Uggh, FUCK YOU!"

And with a final "fuck you", Regina turned around and stormed across the pavement back towards the school to find another ride home. She was hoping it would be a dramatic way to end her rant, but the impact was somewhat lessened by the fact that she'd been spewing "fucks" and "shits" for a minute straight. But whatever, he got the point.

She spent her remaining time at the school stalking the hallways, seeking out another friend with a car that could take her home instead, not to mention that she could tell the whole story to. Far from being cathartic, screaming her lungs out had only succeeded in making Regina angrier, and she wanted nothing more than to find someone, ANYONE to vent at. Unfortunately, no one seemed to be around - perhaps they'd all heard her screaming from miles away and took it as a warning sign, or perhaps she had been yelling for longer than she had expected, because the school was almost deserted. With no other outlet for her rage, Regina was forced to sulk alone until the late bus arrived, stewing in her own negative thoughts all the way home.

(Dinner better fucking be good. The last thing I need now is a bad meal, too.)

((Regina Straw continued in Thank You For Your Pity))