Fighting for something you already lost.
Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 12:07 am
Life always seemed very weird to me. Like how when the amount of people who knew my name increased consequently the amount of people who knew me decreased, eventually it came down to the point where no one on this planet knew me and I simply stood alone in my car smoking cigarettes and receiving oral sex from the girls that just knew my name, I never really felt bad as her tongue wrapped around my cock and then how I later left a twenty in her pocket and told her to leave. It wasn't necessary to feel bad about it, life was just like that. You're always getting fucked by (literally and figuratively) by people you don't know. So for me it was really no surprise that in my tenth grade year I ended up getting fucked over by life itself and ended up being thrown into the Survival of the Fittest program. It truly was no surprise that fate would have it that I would be a player in this game, I mean it was obvious by the shotgun tied onto my bag, the people in charge had obviously recognized me as Jonathan Michaels and intended for me to be some benevolent force, you know raping, pillaging, possible cock slapping, all the good stuff.
So the question that rose was simple, did I try my best to struggle against fate or did I simply adjust myself to make good on all it's demands, those demands being that I Jonathan Michaels from the day that I was born was doomed to fight in numerous battles against insurmountable odds and win. That fate had intended me to do this, to even come into life was remarkable, I the youngest child out of five, my mother standing at 5'9" and my father standing at 6'2", I was destined to be their first unhealthy baby, I was coincidently destined to be the only one to ever succeed. All of my brothers had eventually wasted away to become junkes, all of my brothers where currently in some sort of junkie house playing Jenga and wasting away their life.
And I, the one who managed to quit cocaine and the various drugs I was on was destined to go into a school that was destined, since the time it was created, to be sent to Survival of the Fittest. Do I simply let fate win out? Or do I rather desperately fight it off in a match that I was doomed to fail? The last thing I wanted to do was just stand here asking myself questions that are mostly comprised of psychological philosophical bullshit, but I just can't seem to stop doing it. I suppose I should just stop prolonging the inevitable and go out fighting, even if I do in fact lose this match I go out with the satisfaction that I never gave up, that I never just sat by and be a spectator in this, I would assure myself to meet all expectations everyone had for me and exceed them.
If anything I'll at least get an HBO special out of my death
Jonathan Michaels sat alone as these thoughts rocketed through his head, with the bag on his side and the shotgun strap lying haphazardly on his shoulder, he almost seemed like he was mocking the game, the relaxed look he had has he sat there thinking out his next move like some sort of chess champion was surely something to be in awe by, however the peaceful aura of stillness disappeared when Jonathan got up, seemingly satisfied in the decision he had come to; that decision being that he would indeed take part in Survival of the Fittest. There really was no point in fighting against it like some naïve child. Jonathan would play this game alone, why even bother making allies, it only served to drive you insane when they eventually die in fact, none of the final four from last SOTF had survived with their teammates it truly was a hopeless existence to fight everything out with them, truly ignorance at its best.
Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
However, one person would prevent Jonathan Michaels from simply surviving this game, one person would ruin Jonathan's chances of simply living off the land and surviving as necessary, and that one person went by the name of Chad Lobo Munteanu. Chad had not had the security in being a boxing champion that had allowed Jonathan to sit and ponder his actions; Chad's plan was a simple one: run and remain hidden.
Imagine his surprise when he went into a clearing and saw the featherweight champion of the world standing right in front of him with a shotgun, imagine, if you will, how a 90 lb geek would react to seeing what could be described as one of the most powerful fighters in the world right there in front of him. And once again, imagine how Jonathan Michaels felt, how he felt that fate had betrayed him again, had decided to test him on his promise to play the game.
Jonathan's eyes widened has he looked at the boy and his body tensed and he closed his eyes and prepared to speak.
"Look man, get away from me." Jonathan said quietly. Chad however just stared at him, and a big smile appeared across his face, as got closer to Jonathan and gave Jonathan a gigantic hug.
"Dude, you aren't going to kill me! Great! Can I stay with you man! I'm really a tiny guy and I'm going to need help, don't worry I am a people person so I can likely get us more allies from Franklyn, like this girl Whitney Acosta. Yeah she's in my homeroom, got tits the size of "
Chad however didn't get to complete his sentence as Jonathan cut him off.
"I really don't care about this girl and her tits." Jonathan said, rather uncomfortable with this boy hugging him, yet not wanting to push the kid off him out of fear of breaking the guy in half that would be a messier kill than he ever wanted to deal with, he really didn't intend to kill this kid, just send him on his merry way.
Chad looked at the guy and then slowly let him go.
"Umm well this is awkward. I mean, it's not awkward that you're gay and all; it's just awkward that I thought you where straight, I mean it really is no big deal. I'm down with the Queer Eye guys despite what my hair says, I mean, seriously it's cool. I mean at least you ain't one of those fairy obvious gay guys, right? I mean they really focus on the stereotypes, I don't like them."
Jonathan now looked at the boy with an obvious confused look and put his hand on the trigger of the shotgun that was on his side. He stared at the boy, that confused look not leaving his face.
"What the fuck man, are you just this ugly and stupid because of the school system or are you actually a chipmunk with Down syndrome." Jonathan practically screamed at Chad. Chad simply backed away slowly.
"Look dude, I just wanted to be your friend " Chad said however he was cut off once again by a screaming Jonathan Michaels.
"Shut the fuck up, you ignorant motherfucker! I'm going to explain to you why you don't approach someone who A.) Has a fucking shotgun, B.) Is bigger than you and C.) Tells you to get the fuck away from him!" the gun was now pointing at Chad's head. Chad continued to back away, obviously scared.
"L-L-Look I j-just wanted someone to help me. I-I'm scared out here, y'know, I-I'm sorry, j-just p-please don't kill me, alright man?" Chad tried to reason with this kid however Jonathan simply continued to walk towards him.
"I don't want your fucking useless friendship and I don't want to have to protect a useless asshole like yourself," Jonathan muttered.
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
Chad was crying right now as he got onto the floor and tried to get ready to kick Jonathan Michaels away, like he was going to fight him off with the sticks he calls legs, Jonathan simply smiled at him.
"You know I never planned on fucking killing you. But then you had to bring your gay fantasies all on me, it really is sad, maybe that Whitney girl would've given you a sympathy fuck since you're obviously going to die a virgin, I mean seriously, do you even have pubes?" Jonathan said continuing to point the shotgun at Chad who now attempted to get up and run away.
BLAM!
Jonathan fired a shot into the air, causing Chad to freeze. Jonathan was being observant and noticed a stain appear on the crotch of the kids jeans, Jonathan smirked. The kid had peed himself, at least he didn't have to worry about that after he had killed him.
"Dude, you're getting off on me telling you off, what kinda fuck up are you?" Jonathan screamed at him, the gun still pointed at him.
Chad turned around with a weak smile on his face.
"That's urine and I believe the term you're looking for is masochist." Chad said showing false bravado as the warmness of the urine filled denim and cotton pressed against his crotch. He was going to die here, he was going to die a lonely death, away from his family, he was never going to become a teacher, never fall in love, never do anything he wanted to, all because he had a homeroom that was a year ahead of him and the things that he did to put himself further in life had ended it instead.
"Shut the fuck up wise ass. You aren't going to get any sexual favors from me because of your fucking jokes." Jonathan said bitterly, he now stood directly over Chad, however he didn't pull the trigger. He was thinking out his actions, now would be the turning point of the game for him, it had reached it's climax right at the beginning, all that would come after this meant nothing, all who would kill after this meant nothing, this was Jonathan Michaels deciding his path, and this would doom countless kids to their graves.
The winner of Survival of the Fittest would be decided right at this moment, everyone else's collars might as well explode now, because they could not beat Jonathan Michaels, no one stood a chance against him, they were nothing, insignificant.
I drive on her streets
'Cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'Cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie
No.
Jonathan did not feel like that, words could not express the feeling of conflict that would go through his head. Did he kill the boy? Did he set his course for the rest of the game? Did he become Hawley Faust? A fighter doomed to die no matter how he redeemed itself, if he killed now it wouldn't matter if he saved countless lives later, this action would decide how he would be looked at for the rest of his life.
Fate had put Chad in his hands, Fate had caused him to do this, it was all in Fate's plan, no matter how much Jonathan decided not to fight it. He still felt the internal struggle that came with killing someone. He had spent his whole life learning how to beat the shit out of people, yet words could not describe how conflicted he felt right now.
\Chad stared at Jonathan, they had been in the position for five minutes, Chad was scared to move, hoping maybe this guy would let him go, maybe he would allow him to be in his company, no matter what any one said about how he treated Chad in the last five minutes, this kid had a way of striking fear into his opponents, he was quick on his feet, and even if you took that into consideration he still obviously thought out his actions, this boy wasn't stupid. Chad would've been the luckiest guy in the world if Jonathan allowed him to stay with him.
Jonathan however did not want to have anything to do with this kid as they sat frozen in time, as they stood there in a stasis, Jonathan stood at the catalyst that was Fate.
My original plan was to go by fate, fate had decided to put this boy's life in my hands, fate had decided for him to be so weak. Fate had decided to bring him here, bring him here coincidently right after I swore to play this game. Right after I swore to be alone. One thing's for sure, even if I think these words, I don't like the way they make me feel inside, and I don't like the ramifications of what this will cause.
However at the end of the day all I have is myself, depending on someone else is wrong.
This kid is depending on me to let him live, depending on me to let him continue living at this moment.
I was just like him at one point, small, scrawny, ignorant. I managed to get where I was on my own, I managed to get in the position where I held the gun on my own.
We were the same, fate had decided to make me the championship boxer and him the weak geek. It was natural selection that caused us both to be here. And at the end of the day Survival of the Fittest would dictate my actions, for me as a living thing was destined to deal with Survival of the Fittest since birth.
It is the cross that all of us have to bear, there is no fighting it. But even though I know this, I don't want to feel like this again, I just want this to be as simple to do as it is to think.
I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
"If you didn't know, my name is Jonathan Michaels " Jonathan said breaking the silence, Chad looked at him confused.
"I'm Chad." he said not hesitating out of fear of angering this boy.
"That's nice, although it doesn't matter in the big picture. I was a born fighter, featherweight champion of the world, I won that title little over a year ago. It's ironic that I spent my whole life focusing not on winning fights, but knowing when I was going to lose them. Fate brought us here, Chad, Fate brought us here to kill each other and I know deep inside that I cannot fight against the Fate that god or anything else made for me."
Chad tensed, he didn't want to hear what Jonathan Michaels said, and he didn't want to hear the ramifications.
"Look man, get away-" as Chad's mouth was wide open Jonathan took this time to shove the gun down there. He could hear Chad cough; he could see the puke come flowing out of Chad's mouth. He could hear how Chad was gagging on his own vomit.
"Nothing you say matters man and I truly am sorry that you had to be on the losing side of this, I'm sure we would've been friends if Fate had not put us here."
And with that Jonathan Michaels pulled the trigger, ending the fight, Chad's head exploded and Jonathan was now covered in the blood, brain matter, and skull fragments that had come out of blowing Chad's brains out.
My name is Chad Munteanu and I am many things. Student. Friend. Thespian. Kind of an athlete, I suppose. As you can plainly see by looking to the left, a lover of lists. These more or less sum me up. Many people will tell you that I've a big mouth and that I am quick to anger, so add those up to the list I love so much, but really at the end of the day I tend to trust people more often than I should.
I don't know what it is inside me that makes me think that I am something, that I can trust someone so quickly, give them all my friendship and tell them my deepest darkest secrets, how I can find a complete stranger and hope that they can protect me with their life and we can make it out together. Am I that naïve to go with a theory that I myself know is false?
Like right now with this shotgun shoved down my throat I know that I should be fighting him, I should be grasping for survival, my body makes me puke to flood out whatever is shoved down my throat, yet I know that me puking will do nothing. I continue to do what I know is false in order to save myself, in order to preserve my life.
What is life for? Really, what is life for? Fucking? Eating? Sleeping? Being? Since when has it been so great to be, when being consists of paying taxes, getting raped by the man, having your thoughts slaughtered, your plants illegalized, your individuality crucified, the very essence of your existence sold to us in plastic bottles!
Maybe I am the lucky one, the one who can see this and embrace death in my mind. However even if I embrace this in my mind my body still fights for survival, I still fight for survival.
The sound of the gunshot.
The end of my thought.
Yet my heart still beats for one more second, fighting to save something that is already lost. Fighting to preserve my life, fighting to preserve something that is false.
Jonathan now stood alone in the clearing once again, he wiped off the spit, vomit, and blood that covered the barrel of the shotgun. Nobody out there would have pity with him now, no one would take him.
His Fate had been signed once again.
The only thing he could do now was adapt to the game, hope that winning it would silence his now guilt ridden conscience.
It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
He sighed, as he felt the tears coming down his face, has he fought the urge to use his blood covered sleeve to wipe them. He simply let it fall and soon found himself licking the hot water as it reached his lips. He didn't like the emptiness he felt after doing something that is a natural part of life, odds were that one out of every twenty of these kids would've died before they reached thirty anyways a mild increase in this number shouldn't be that big of a deal, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if they all died in a plane crash or something.
Even if Jonathan knew this he still felt like shit, he still felt like he had done something wrong.
He internally didn't ever want to feel like this again, however he knew that saying that he killed someone in cold blood was not like dropping someone's coffee cup or pissing someone off, it was life changing. He could never go back from now.
He was doomed to deal with this feeling, this feeling that now served him as a prison of his own design.
I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all that way
Jonathan stared at his surroundings, not even bothering to really absorb them, and took all of Chad's stuff and put it in his bag, not bothering to really observe the weapon Chad had been assigned. The feeling of emptiness he had was all that was there, however he knew that if he was ever going to make out of here he would have to become a being of hate.
He would have to draw blood until he couldn't get enough. He would have to forget emotions like love, and he would have to give his life away to the game.
All for a small chance of survival, all when a kid last game got struck by lightning. All for some false hope of defeating the fate he was bound to: Killing only to die.
Jonathan simply sighed. This would be a long day.
Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away
CHAD LOBO MUNTEANU-ELIMINATED
So the question that rose was simple, did I try my best to struggle against fate or did I simply adjust myself to make good on all it's demands, those demands being that I Jonathan Michaels from the day that I was born was doomed to fight in numerous battles against insurmountable odds and win. That fate had intended me to do this, to even come into life was remarkable, I the youngest child out of five, my mother standing at 5'9" and my father standing at 6'2", I was destined to be their first unhealthy baby, I was coincidently destined to be the only one to ever succeed. All of my brothers had eventually wasted away to become junkes, all of my brothers where currently in some sort of junkie house playing Jenga and wasting away their life.
And I, the one who managed to quit cocaine and the various drugs I was on was destined to go into a school that was destined, since the time it was created, to be sent to Survival of the Fittest. Do I simply let fate win out? Or do I rather desperately fight it off in a match that I was doomed to fail? The last thing I wanted to do was just stand here asking myself questions that are mostly comprised of psychological philosophical bullshit, but I just can't seem to stop doing it. I suppose I should just stop prolonging the inevitable and go out fighting, even if I do in fact lose this match I go out with the satisfaction that I never gave up, that I never just sat by and be a spectator in this, I would assure myself to meet all expectations everyone had for me and exceed them.
If anything I'll at least get an HBO special out of my death
Jonathan Michaels sat alone as these thoughts rocketed through his head, with the bag on his side and the shotgun strap lying haphazardly on his shoulder, he almost seemed like he was mocking the game, the relaxed look he had has he sat there thinking out his next move like some sort of chess champion was surely something to be in awe by, however the peaceful aura of stillness disappeared when Jonathan got up, seemingly satisfied in the decision he had come to; that decision being that he would indeed take part in Survival of the Fittest. There really was no point in fighting against it like some naïve child. Jonathan would play this game alone, why even bother making allies, it only served to drive you insane when they eventually die in fact, none of the final four from last SOTF had survived with their teammates it truly was a hopeless existence to fight everything out with them, truly ignorance at its best.
Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
However, one person would prevent Jonathan Michaels from simply surviving this game, one person would ruin Jonathan's chances of simply living off the land and surviving as necessary, and that one person went by the name of Chad Lobo Munteanu. Chad had not had the security in being a boxing champion that had allowed Jonathan to sit and ponder his actions; Chad's plan was a simple one: run and remain hidden.
Imagine his surprise when he went into a clearing and saw the featherweight champion of the world standing right in front of him with a shotgun, imagine, if you will, how a 90 lb geek would react to seeing what could be described as one of the most powerful fighters in the world right there in front of him. And once again, imagine how Jonathan Michaels felt, how he felt that fate had betrayed him again, had decided to test him on his promise to play the game.
Jonathan's eyes widened has he looked at the boy and his body tensed and he closed his eyes and prepared to speak.
"Look man, get away from me." Jonathan said quietly. Chad however just stared at him, and a big smile appeared across his face, as got closer to Jonathan and gave Jonathan a gigantic hug.
"Dude, you aren't going to kill me! Great! Can I stay with you man! I'm really a tiny guy and I'm going to need help, don't worry I am a people person so I can likely get us more allies from Franklyn, like this girl Whitney Acosta. Yeah she's in my homeroom, got tits the size of "
Chad however didn't get to complete his sentence as Jonathan cut him off.
"I really don't care about this girl and her tits." Jonathan said, rather uncomfortable with this boy hugging him, yet not wanting to push the kid off him out of fear of breaking the guy in half that would be a messier kill than he ever wanted to deal with, he really didn't intend to kill this kid, just send him on his merry way.
Chad looked at the guy and then slowly let him go.
"Umm well this is awkward. I mean, it's not awkward that you're gay and all; it's just awkward that I thought you where straight, I mean it really is no big deal. I'm down with the Queer Eye guys despite what my hair says, I mean, seriously it's cool. I mean at least you ain't one of those fairy obvious gay guys, right? I mean they really focus on the stereotypes, I don't like them."
Jonathan now looked at the boy with an obvious confused look and put his hand on the trigger of the shotgun that was on his side. He stared at the boy, that confused look not leaving his face.
"What the fuck man, are you just this ugly and stupid because of the school system or are you actually a chipmunk with Down syndrome." Jonathan practically screamed at Chad. Chad simply backed away slowly.
"Look dude, I just wanted to be your friend " Chad said however he was cut off once again by a screaming Jonathan Michaels.
"Shut the fuck up, you ignorant motherfucker! I'm going to explain to you why you don't approach someone who A.) Has a fucking shotgun, B.) Is bigger than you and C.) Tells you to get the fuck away from him!" the gun was now pointing at Chad's head. Chad continued to back away, obviously scared.
"L-L-Look I j-just wanted someone to help me. I-I'm scared out here, y'know, I-I'm sorry, j-just p-please don't kill me, alright man?" Chad tried to reason with this kid however Jonathan simply continued to walk towards him.
"I don't want your fucking useless friendship and I don't want to have to protect a useless asshole like yourself," Jonathan muttered.
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
Chad was crying right now as he got onto the floor and tried to get ready to kick Jonathan Michaels away, like he was going to fight him off with the sticks he calls legs, Jonathan simply smiled at him.
"You know I never planned on fucking killing you. But then you had to bring your gay fantasies all on me, it really is sad, maybe that Whitney girl would've given you a sympathy fuck since you're obviously going to die a virgin, I mean seriously, do you even have pubes?" Jonathan said continuing to point the shotgun at Chad who now attempted to get up and run away.
BLAM!
Jonathan fired a shot into the air, causing Chad to freeze. Jonathan was being observant and noticed a stain appear on the crotch of the kids jeans, Jonathan smirked. The kid had peed himself, at least he didn't have to worry about that after he had killed him.
"Dude, you're getting off on me telling you off, what kinda fuck up are you?" Jonathan screamed at him, the gun still pointed at him.
Chad turned around with a weak smile on his face.
"That's urine and I believe the term you're looking for is masochist." Chad said showing false bravado as the warmness of the urine filled denim and cotton pressed against his crotch. He was going to die here, he was going to die a lonely death, away from his family, he was never going to become a teacher, never fall in love, never do anything he wanted to, all because he had a homeroom that was a year ahead of him and the things that he did to put himself further in life had ended it instead.
"Shut the fuck up wise ass. You aren't going to get any sexual favors from me because of your fucking jokes." Jonathan said bitterly, he now stood directly over Chad, however he didn't pull the trigger. He was thinking out his actions, now would be the turning point of the game for him, it had reached it's climax right at the beginning, all that would come after this meant nothing, all who would kill after this meant nothing, this was Jonathan Michaels deciding his path, and this would doom countless kids to their graves.
The winner of Survival of the Fittest would be decided right at this moment, everyone else's collars might as well explode now, because they could not beat Jonathan Michaels, no one stood a chance against him, they were nothing, insignificant.
I drive on her streets
'Cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'Cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie
No.
Jonathan did not feel like that, words could not express the feeling of conflict that would go through his head. Did he kill the boy? Did he set his course for the rest of the game? Did he become Hawley Faust? A fighter doomed to die no matter how he redeemed itself, if he killed now it wouldn't matter if he saved countless lives later, this action would decide how he would be looked at for the rest of his life.
Fate had put Chad in his hands, Fate had caused him to do this, it was all in Fate's plan, no matter how much Jonathan decided not to fight it. He still felt the internal struggle that came with killing someone. He had spent his whole life learning how to beat the shit out of people, yet words could not describe how conflicted he felt right now.
\Chad stared at Jonathan, they had been in the position for five minutes, Chad was scared to move, hoping maybe this guy would let him go, maybe he would allow him to be in his company, no matter what any one said about how he treated Chad in the last five minutes, this kid had a way of striking fear into his opponents, he was quick on his feet, and even if you took that into consideration he still obviously thought out his actions, this boy wasn't stupid. Chad would've been the luckiest guy in the world if Jonathan allowed him to stay with him.
Jonathan however did not want to have anything to do with this kid as they sat frozen in time, as they stood there in a stasis, Jonathan stood at the catalyst that was Fate.
My original plan was to go by fate, fate had decided to put this boy's life in my hands, fate had decided for him to be so weak. Fate had decided to bring him here, bring him here coincidently right after I swore to play this game. Right after I swore to be alone. One thing's for sure, even if I think these words, I don't like the way they make me feel inside, and I don't like the ramifications of what this will cause.
However at the end of the day all I have is myself, depending on someone else is wrong.
This kid is depending on me to let him live, depending on me to let him continue living at this moment.
I was just like him at one point, small, scrawny, ignorant. I managed to get where I was on my own, I managed to get in the position where I held the gun on my own.
We were the same, fate had decided to make me the championship boxer and him the weak geek. It was natural selection that caused us both to be here. And at the end of the day Survival of the Fittest would dictate my actions, for me as a living thing was destined to deal with Survival of the Fittest since birth.
It is the cross that all of us have to bear, there is no fighting it. But even though I know this, I don't want to feel like this again, I just want this to be as simple to do as it is to think.
I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
"If you didn't know, my name is Jonathan Michaels " Jonathan said breaking the silence, Chad looked at him confused.
"I'm Chad." he said not hesitating out of fear of angering this boy.
"That's nice, although it doesn't matter in the big picture. I was a born fighter, featherweight champion of the world, I won that title little over a year ago. It's ironic that I spent my whole life focusing not on winning fights, but knowing when I was going to lose them. Fate brought us here, Chad, Fate brought us here to kill each other and I know deep inside that I cannot fight against the Fate that god or anything else made for me."
Chad tensed, he didn't want to hear what Jonathan Michaels said, and he didn't want to hear the ramifications.
"Look man, get away-" as Chad's mouth was wide open Jonathan took this time to shove the gun down there. He could hear Chad cough; he could see the puke come flowing out of Chad's mouth. He could hear how Chad was gagging on his own vomit.
"Nothing you say matters man and I truly am sorry that you had to be on the losing side of this, I'm sure we would've been friends if Fate had not put us here."
And with that Jonathan Michaels pulled the trigger, ending the fight, Chad's head exploded and Jonathan was now covered in the blood, brain matter, and skull fragments that had come out of blowing Chad's brains out.
My name is Chad Munteanu and I am many things. Student. Friend. Thespian. Kind of an athlete, I suppose. As you can plainly see by looking to the left, a lover of lists. These more or less sum me up. Many people will tell you that I've a big mouth and that I am quick to anger, so add those up to the list I love so much, but really at the end of the day I tend to trust people more often than I should.
I don't know what it is inside me that makes me think that I am something, that I can trust someone so quickly, give them all my friendship and tell them my deepest darkest secrets, how I can find a complete stranger and hope that they can protect me with their life and we can make it out together. Am I that naïve to go with a theory that I myself know is false?
Like right now with this shotgun shoved down my throat I know that I should be fighting him, I should be grasping for survival, my body makes me puke to flood out whatever is shoved down my throat, yet I know that me puking will do nothing. I continue to do what I know is false in order to save myself, in order to preserve my life.
What is life for? Really, what is life for? Fucking? Eating? Sleeping? Being? Since when has it been so great to be, when being consists of paying taxes, getting raped by the man, having your thoughts slaughtered, your plants illegalized, your individuality crucified, the very essence of your existence sold to us in plastic bottles!
Maybe I am the lucky one, the one who can see this and embrace death in my mind. However even if I embrace this in my mind my body still fights for survival, I still fight for survival.
The sound of the gunshot.
The end of my thought.
Yet my heart still beats for one more second, fighting to save something that is already lost. Fighting to preserve my life, fighting to preserve something that is false.
Jonathan now stood alone in the clearing once again, he wiped off the spit, vomit, and blood that covered the barrel of the shotgun. Nobody out there would have pity with him now, no one would take him.
His Fate had been signed once again.
The only thing he could do now was adapt to the game, hope that winning it would silence his now guilt ridden conscience.
It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
He sighed, as he felt the tears coming down his face, has he fought the urge to use his blood covered sleeve to wipe them. He simply let it fall and soon found himself licking the hot water as it reached his lips. He didn't like the emptiness he felt after doing something that is a natural part of life, odds were that one out of every twenty of these kids would've died before they reached thirty anyways a mild increase in this number shouldn't be that big of a deal, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if they all died in a plane crash or something.
Even if Jonathan knew this he still felt like shit, he still felt like he had done something wrong.
He internally didn't ever want to feel like this again, however he knew that saying that he killed someone in cold blood was not like dropping someone's coffee cup or pissing someone off, it was life changing. He could never go back from now.
He was doomed to deal with this feeling, this feeling that now served him as a prison of his own design.
I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all that way
Jonathan stared at his surroundings, not even bothering to really absorb them, and took all of Chad's stuff and put it in his bag, not bothering to really observe the weapon Chad had been assigned. The feeling of emptiness he had was all that was there, however he knew that if he was ever going to make out of here he would have to become a being of hate.
He would have to draw blood until he couldn't get enough. He would have to forget emotions like love, and he would have to give his life away to the game.
All for a small chance of survival, all when a kid last game got struck by lightning. All for some false hope of defeating the fate he was bound to: Killing only to die.
Jonathan simply sighed. This would be a long day.
Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away
CHAD LOBO MUNTEANU-ELIMINATED