D⃣ D⃣ F⃣ H⃣

#1

FIght the feeling down and try to think about it. That was the regular approach she took. Nothing special to it. She was a metronome of yes' and no's.

((Arizona Butler continued from Dreaming of Futures Ahead))

Dinner was about to be served but she still had to field the regular questions. The innocuous ones that were the most painful ones to answer. The ones that shook her as she had to reflect on everything. It hurt because deep down she was trying to work on it but she wasn't sure it was working. Ever since the practice with Luca Arizona had been trying not to judge herself against the others on the team. But each question brought the old feelings back. It wasn't deliberate, at least she didn't believe so. It would have been some form of torture if it was.

"How's basketball going?" Indiana asked from the other side of the couch. They both occupied one arm of the thing, a large gap for another person left in between them. The TV was on and it was showing highlights of the recent rugby games, the family religion. Arizona kept her eyes on the television as she tucked her feet underneath her body. She gave a small nod.

"It's good. We're doing well, feels like a victory lap sorta." She could see Indiana nodding on the edge of her vision. They lapsed back into a short silence as a try was about to be scored. Indiana taking the time to analyze the play. He was back because college was on a break. She enjoyed his presence in the house. It always felt slightly lonely when he wasn't around. They had grown up together so she supposed it was natural but she always expected to see him around the house but never did. He had gotten bigger since the last time he had returned. It seemed every time he came back he had packed more muscle onto his frame. He also dressed differently too, sometimes she forgot what he used to look like. Once the replays ended Indiana asked another question.

"Have you spoken to Jonah since prom?" It was a question she had expected. He had a habit of going through everything in person. They had spoken about it on messenger but he still liked asking her. He enjoyed the act of catching up, but she never had any questions for him. Still, the question put her on the spot. Her shrug was quicker than it needed to be, he noticed—she saw his head turn—but said nothing.

"Yeah, a few times. I think we're still figuring it out. We both had fun and stuff so..." Her voice trailed off when she realized she didn't know how to end the sentence. Luckily Indiana saved her from herself.

"Just thinking it over, nothing wrong with that." He scratched his ear. "I'm glad you had a good time. Mom sent me the photos and you looked really nice."

She nodded again.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks." There was a small silence before Arizona realized she wanted to keep talking. "I really liked that dress actually. I was kinda worried about it at first because it's a bit of a statement." He laughed at that, a big laugh that reminded her of their dad.

"Well, all I hear when I'm at games is how you're big bad Arizona. So you got that rep to uphold."

"Huh?" Arizona's head snapped around to face her brother. Her facial expression must have been suitably shocked looking because he laughed at her reaction.

"That's the main thing I hear about you. So your dress was on brand for that."

"I, yeah, I guess so," Arizona replied, her voice sounded unsure but Indiana didn't push her. Instead, he just chuckled some more and went back to watching the match.

"Thanks for the birthday present by the way. I know it must have killed you to go get it."

It wasn't long after that they were called for dinner. The four of them sat around a table eating their mothers home cooking. There was always a strange feeling when Indiana came back. It was as if each return took another number off an invisible counter, eventually, it would hit zero and he'd be gone. Maybe that was what their parents felt like. Arizona would be leaving to go to college herself. She was unsure what her parents would do. Her dad always joked that he'd finally have the house to himself and more importantly that they'd stop eating all his food. She knew that was just him messing around, trying to hide the fact he would miss them. Her mother had said it best when she said they'd spent two decades with at least one child in the house. Arizona had suggested that they could get a dog, but she didn't know how invested in the idea they were. Their retirement plan was to return home to the Cook Islands, but how close they were to that she didn't know. But regardless, it was a meal with the four of them and that meant she had to sit and answer more questions. None malicious, they were curious but each one was a reminder.

"Does Sam know which school she's going to?"

"Yeah, she seems pretty set with her choice. It's a top school too, they went all out to make sure she attended. Gave her a VIP tour of the campus and everything."

"How's Rhonda doing?"

"She's good, I think she's nervous about college but she seems excited as well, she's really enjoying playing with us right now. So I think she's trying to make the most of it."

"Has Aleks decided if she's going to keep playing?"

"I'm not sure, we haven't really spoken about it that much since she first brought it up. But I think she's happier now that she got the speak about it."

She answered all of them to the best of her ability and eventually, dinner ended and with it the questions too. After dessert, they found themselves back on the couch watching something. She wasn't that focused on it though. Her phone was open, the messenger app open on her conversation with Jonah. The cursor blinking as she thought of what to say. Her eyes stuck to it, watching it, observing the rhythm. She had no idea what she wanted to say.

"What's wrong Ari?"

She looked up at Indiana and blinked.

"Oh huh? Nothing. It's cool."

He didn't seem convinced but turned his attention back to whatever was on.

Eventually, her parents came into the room, her dad taking up residence on his armchair and her mother pushing Indiana out of the way to take the arm of the couch for her own. The show ended and Arizona excused herself. After climbing the stairs she entered her room and collapsed onto her bed with a sigh. She wanted to do something, anything to take her mind off it all. But at the same time, she didn't feel like doing anything either.

So she just ended up lying there, she didn't know for how long.

It didn't really matter.

((Arizona Butler continued elsewhere...))