Survival Of The Fittest

(Theophilus "Theo" Walterson continued from But His Soul is Still Dancing)

As Theo and Nona returned to the car, Theo remained silent. The sense of euphoria he was feeling was exquisite, and he didn't what to ruin it by saying anything. Instead, he looked around, his everyday surroundings cast in a wholly new light. Would all this unspeakable glee dissipate by tomorrow? Almost certainly. But he vowed to treasure this night. Maybe not the events themselves, or even what he did, but at least that indefinable sense of sheer joy.

Wordlessly opening the car doors, he motioned Nona inside. He squeezed her hand lightly, then turned to his mother thoughtfully. "I think we're done here."

((Nona Hart Continued From But His Soul Is Still Dancing))

Nona allowed herself to check her phone for the first time on the drive home. She'd missed a text from her mom. At the risk of being rude she opened it up.

hey baby, hope youre having a great time!!! im taking your dad out don't be worried when you get home and don't wait up for us try to relax and take lots of pictures for me <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

There would be no one waiting for her when she got home. She could collapse and answer her parents' questions in the morning. Maybe they'd even forget to ask them, if she was lucky, or maybe she'd feel better about the whole thing. Right now she was just trying to feel numb. It didn't beat the euphoria she'd forced herself into earlier, but it was safe and easy to maintain. Theo and his mom seemed uninterested in questioning her, so she enjoyed the silence.

There was pressure around her hand. It was trying to bring her back, but she wasn't ready for that. The movement was easy enough to follow, but her only acknowledgement was a tired smile. "Sorry," she mumbled on the way to the door, "I think I forgot to drink, I feel very fuzzy..."

There was a difference between a lie and as much truth as you were willing to admit. She'd kept the rest from Theo all night; no point in ruining his mood with it now.

As Theo walked up the road with Nona, he watched her with an attentive discretion. She seemed to be wearing a neutral expression; he assumed that it was just the thrill of prom wearing off, but it was still somewhat disappointing to see that the effect of prom had worn off so quickly for her. Had his assumption of her previous discontent been correct?

His musings were interrupted by their arrival at the steps of the Hart house and his simultaneous realization that he had forgotten to give Nona his parting gift. "Please just wait for a moment!", he advised her, before quickly running back to the car. Retrieving a small box of chocolates, he returned to Nona.

Smiling awkwardly at her, he looked for the right thing to say. "Tonight was fun, for me at least, so I wanted to give you something to help you remember it. These... They're my mom's favorites: Cadbury's. If you don't want any, I can take it back." He turned back down the steps, then looked back at her, waiting to see what Nona had to say.

Theo had disappeared. Had he left? If she focused she could remember he'd said something, but it was so hard to clear the fog. She swayed gently by the doorway, pondering if she should go inside.

Oh. He was here again. There was something in his hands, then her hands, it happened without her realizing. She was smiling, at least she thought she was, she should have been. It was rude, so rude, that she had nothing to offer him in return. Were gifts a part of prom, or was Theo simply generous to a fault? "They're wonderful Theo, thank you. I'm..." Manicured fingers fidgeted with her waistline. "I'm sorry, I'm kind of overwhelmed, but it was really fun. I wish we'd done this more."

Half truths weren't quite a lie either. Her face began to burn, but she could manage. Get through the door, don't hurt him any further. Once she was inside she would be safe. Everything would go back to normal.

"My mom was um, kind of worried so I should probably get in. We should maybe hang out on the trip though, if you're going?"

Lying was fine. It was for his benefit. Happy memories with a little bit of weirdness, that's what he deserved, not an evening capped off watching her break down on her porch. She was already in this deep. A couple more fibs wouldn't be any worse. She pretended to feel her phone buzz with a jolt and looked down at it anxiously. "Sorry, sorry, I don't think they know I'm home yet."

Nona's parents had left the lights on for her. She hoped it didn't look too suspicious that her mother wasn't waiting at the door. "I'll um, text you a little later, okay? Goodnight!"

Nona wasn't sure she had his phone number. The chances he was all that interested in talking to her again were low enough that it didn't matter.

((Nona Hart Pregame Concluded In I Blame Him For All I Don't Want To Know))

As Nona thanked him for the gifts, Theo smiled gratefully, faintly troubled by her agitation, but happy that she was satisfied. As he opened his mouth to say his final farewells, however, he discovered that Nona had already left. He sighed sadly, and returned to the car, sneaking glances back at the house in the vain hope that she would come back and say something.

She did not, of course, return his farewells. Why would she? Unlike Theo, she had other friends to talk to. No doubt she had already forgotten about him and his romantic pretensions, his misplaced generosity, and his bumbling efforts at socializing. In the best case scenario she might have been amused by his efforts. He opened the car slowly and nodded at his mother, but his thoughts were elsewhere.

Ruminating on the events of the night he realized that what he really should have been feeling tonight was not joy but shame. Although his words implied that he had acted out of friendship or love, the actions themselves betrayed his true motive: a cowardly desire to flee from his parents' disapproval by inviting someone whose pity he could rely on. What had Nona's mother told him? "You gotta get those eyes checked if you think a hat's gonna outshine my baby tonight.". Yes, outshine was the word. He had tried to make prom all about himself: quoting poetry, gesturing uninvitedly, even dressing up as an 20th-century gentleman in a misguided effort to set himself up as the center of the night's events.

And what had he gained from it? Nothing but a realization of the shallowness of the relationships he ostensibly had and of the social façade he hid behind. Nona had done none of these things, but outshone him simply by being honest. Had she actually done anything to call attention to herself? No. The only thing she had done was be herself, confident she wouldn't need to be anything else. He envied Nona's ability to be open about her troubles, her willingness to confess things that could damage her in the hopes that others would understand, while simultaneously being disgusted by his own self-centeredness.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by his mother's voice and the sound of the car engine shutting down. "Theo, are you feeling okay? I've asked you three times already about prom and you haven't said anything.". He shook his head. "I'm fine, don't worry. I just need some time to think." He exited the car quickly and entered the library, sitting down at his personal work desk with its view of the garden. The euphoria of the earlier hours had by now worn off completely, replaced by an emotional emptiness.

Theo briefly considered writing a text formally apologizing to Nona for his actions, but decided against it. It would be a transparent attempt at ingratiating himself with her and she would see that instantly. So instead he laid down on the nearby sofa and lulled himself to sleep with thoughts of what could have been. When he woke up the next morning, it was to a profound sense of loss.

(Theophilus "Theo" Walterson Prom Concluded)