The Shores of Hell

[Shiola]

((Tyrell Lahti continued from Ricochet))

It wasn't finding a reason to live that weighed heavily on Tyrell's mind, but a good enough reason to die. After almost a day, he still hadn't found her.

Stalking the paths on the west side of the island had turned up nothing, or at least no one who he could conceive of Erika willingly associating with. He'd spied Claude once again by the lake and made a conscious effort to avoid that part of the island - after what Ty had been through, hearing his voice again might merit inflicting a bit more than a bloody nose. This whole day had been one completely asinine situation after another and hearing condescension and proselytizing for his actions was the last thing he wanted or needed.

He knew she'd be avoiding places that were populated, and anywhere that seemed remotely dangerous. Even alone, Erika seemed to have demons to wrestle with. She never went into detail because talking about it was apparently enough to set off her anxiety; but he knew she'd had a fixation on death and dying that never seemed to really quiet down. At the time it had been confusing, frustrating even when she cut him off as he tried to talk her through it. It took some time to realize she just needed someone there to remind her she was still alive. It was the kind of thing that had hounded her away from even being able to sleep. It was hard not to think of how terrified she must have been.

Making a line towards the so-called Inner Circle seemed like a reasonable decision at first, as there was plenty of shelter but it was more isolated than the village. He'd even considered spending the night there himself though after hearing some truly weird shit, Ty was forced to abscond in a different direction. If not for the infrequent sound of gunshots, including some that sounded more like what he imagined cannon-fire to be like, it was the sound of voices that seemed entirely deranged. It was enough to keep him moving even as his legs and lungs begged him to stop.

On some level he was starting to understand where her fears really came from, at least on a basic level. At first it seemed like a kind of mercy to end his own life here, until he'd known what it really felt like. It was just pain and a poor capstone to a short life that had seen way too much of it. When a person knew that was the character of their end, there wasn't any comfort in waiting it out. If someone led a meaningless life, how could they let it end without a little bit of resentment? With what she felt, it must've been hard for her to justify why she had to eventually die, even if eventually biting it was a necessary condition of being alive in the first place.

One way or another, it happens. Just gotta find the best way to do it.

He knew he could probably bear it if he had a good enough reason to die. If he could prove to folks he was better than they'd expected, and better than they were for helping someone else instead of just helping himself. Choosing to save someone else instead of himself meant he could make choices no one else could, and do things no one else would have been willing to do. He was willing to die for a worthy cause so she could live for one. If Erika made it out, he knew she'd use the attention and push it into something good, some social or environmental thing. The world would be better for her living in it, without a doubt. It needed people like her. Maybe she'd follow his example, and finally be free of her fear.

And me?

It would mean he'd never be forgotten, either. People would remember his integrity, his bravery in being true to who he really was. Self-sacrifice was supposed to be a noble act, wasn't it? People would understand he was a decent person who chose not to be a victim of circumstance. No one could call him a coward ever again.

I'll be remembered.

The thought had buoyed his spirits for a time, and kept him walking alongside the ocean instead of straight into it. As he looked up to see the hues of the afternoon sky, a kind of darkness began to pool into his mind.

What if it's already over?

They'd announce it before long, if that was the case. Thinking about it made him feel an ache near the dental implants in his jaw, caused by how much he'd been clenching it. Whoever did it would pay with their life, but there'd be nothing for him after that was done. At that point he'd have to do whatever he could to to preoccupy his mind until someone managed to put a bullet through it.

For a moment felt a bit sick, and he stopped briefly to take a breather. The air was a little clearer near the water, and allowing himself to stop felt pleasant. As he looked around, he began to realize his surroundings were looking increasingly familiar. On the one hand this was a good thing, familiar territory was easier to traverse. On the other it meant that he'd spent an irritatingly long journey to go around in one gigantic circle. The recognizable shape of the pier beckoned in the distance, as well as a new group of people who seemed to have just arrived there.

Given the degree to which he'd been roughed up, it was going to be a bit of a hard sell to convince people he wasn't out for blood. It had occurred to Ty that the fact he was able to avoid people at all might've been a sign that people were making that assumption, and avoiding him. It hadn't been a bad choice per se, but it really hadn't done him any good either.

It's done sweet fuck all, that's what.

The possibility these people seen or heard something was more than enough reason to risk confrontation, at this point. Ty sighed and made his way towards the docks once again, trying to think of what he could possibly say to explain himself.

((Tyrell Lahti continued in before the day is done, my prince is gonna come))