((Garren Mortimer continued from
They call me useless, they call me weak, they call me a flipper and snorkel geek))
Oh, right, that was why he hadn’t spent more than a couple hours outside for a few years now. Cause the great outdoors fucking
sucked.
Garren had been camping once, and that had been more than enough to last him a freaking lifetime. You were three inches away from a bug at any given time, you were either too hot or too cold and always too cramped, and no matter the weather you somehow ended up damp. Camping sucked, and if you said otherwise, then you were probably totally insane.
At least then he’d had a tent. Now, on Hellfuck Island, when darkness had started to creep in and his legs were about to give way underneath him, all he’d had as any form of shelter was the closest tree to collapse beneath. It was real hard to sleep when every way he turned, there was
something pressing into his side and, probably more pertinently, the persistent buzzing reminder that ‘hey, there’s dudes with guns and knives and chainsaws and fuckin’... 10 foot dildo clubs wandering around nearby’. Like one of those stupid alarm clocks outta a cartoon, that wouldn’t stop ringing no matter how many times you crushed it with a comically oversized hammer.
Eventually his body had just kinda gone ‘fuck it’, and it had clocked out all by itself, tumbling him down into a turbulent sleep, one so restless that a mix of birds chirping and a gnarled root digging into his ribs as he turned over caused him to instantly return to the world of the living. For a few beautiful moments, as he blinked his bleary eyes, adjusting to the steadily growing light, everything felt just fine and fuckin’ peachy. Then, all at once, seven tonnes of aches and pains hit him, and he groaned as he slowly, painstakingly rolled onto his back. It felt like every single one of his joints was brand new, and he was taking his skeleton for a spin whilst everything was still stiff and in need of breaking in. The left side of his body was covered with gravel, and with a look of disgust, he shook a cluster of ants off of his shoes as he clambered to his feet, feeling like some kinda papier mache man.
All things considered, it was gonna be a long day ahead of him. Odds were, every day would feel three times as long as normal.
Plenty of time, then, for him to shed his skin.
Garren felt himself smile, and a chuckle instinctively flowed from his lips. Thoughts that goddamned optimistic were a rarity in his headspace. There was probably something psychologically or philosophically messed up with feeling this good and positive in such a messed up and totally fucked situation, but y’know what, those dusty old bastards who’d analyse something like that could shove it for the moment. He’d found some little tiny of fragment of hope in this heaping mound of shit. They were just gonna have to let him have his happiness.
He started to head off, no great desire to issue his previous night’s bed any fond farewells, especially considering it was probably a minor miracle no would-be player had stumbled upon him sleeping right in the fucking open like that. He unzipped his bag to grab a water bottle as he walked, and he was midway through deciding whether to conserve it, or whether to chug half of it cause jesus fuck his throat felt like he’d swallowed half the Sahara, when, speak of the fucking devil, his foot hit sand, and he blinked, and realised he’d barely been paying attention to where he’d been walking.
Probably woulda been a good idea to grab the map along with the water bottle, huh, dipshit?
Luckily there wasn’t a half-naked Wyatt anywhere to be seen, sprinting at him and screaming bloody murder whilst waving somebody’s torn-off limb around his head. Didn’t seem to be anybody as far as Garren could see. Wait. No. There was a larger shape a few yards off, definitely a person but also definitely not Carter sized. Also a whole bunch of mismatched shoes, all across the beachfront. Sure! Why not? Whatever!
He started to move forwards, when another figure, still not a Carter but definitely more alarming than the first shape, stepped into view. More alarming because, uh, that was a huge fuck-off sword tracing a shaky line through the sand, wasn't it? They were moving slowly, and he couldn't help but notice the distinct lack of bags on their person, but still. Sword. Sword that wasn't in a museum or a photo online, or being held by some edgy fedora-wearing vapemaster on 4chan.
It would have been real easy to just take a glance at these people like they were an Xbox, turn 360 degrees, and walk away. But he couldn’t exactly turn over a new leaf if he was just gonna ignore everybody he met, could he? Couldn’t shake off the shackles that had bound him for so long if he didn’t make a second first impression, right? Couldn’t help others if he just left them alone to die, yeah?
If things went tits up, he still had the pickaroon, right at his side. Bettering himself didn’t mean dropping his guard.
“Hey!”
Garren called out to the two, then stopped, as he realised that, hey. How the fuck do you talk like a normal human being again? The only person he talked to in real life on the regular was
Demetri. Almost everything he said was scripted, like he was trying to be a walking talking breathing greentext. Even conversations with his parents were kept brief, as he spouted short and generic responses to everything they asked him or tried to discuss with him.
His mind suddenly flashed back to the SOTF Memorial and the trip, and the conversation he’d had with Nona, and another smile, smaller and softer, drifted across his face.
“You, uh… how you guys holding up? And stuff?”