It's Too Bad She Won't Live

[Ruggahissy]

“Who do you love?”

Myself.

“Yeah, sure. I thought you hated fast things like motorcycles.”

I used to.

“What changed?”

I’m not afraid of things like going fast or heights or being reckless.

“That doesn’t seem healthy.”

I like the night time. I like the neon lights. I like going fast and seeing the colors blur.

“Ok.”

When you remember things in colored lighting, your memories are awash with the color of the light. My favorite kiss was in purple light, so now the memory is purple.

“Are you going somewhere to make a memory?”

I’m going to where there’s lots of neon. I’ve got a date.

“Yeah?”

On a scale from one to 10, she’s a 10. But I’m an 11.

“Haha. You bringing a present?”

Yes. Everything.

[Ruggahissy]

“Do you think you should give shoes to guests who have no shoes?”

It’s cruel not to.

“So where were your shoes, huh?”

That’s what it’s like to have the fondness of a cruel person. Like they see something cute and want to love it, but they also want to crush it. His hands were soft, but they squeezed so hard. Cruel men have always loved me. Maybe that made me cruel, too.

“Yellow shoes?”

Yes. Yellow means “slow down.” It means sunshine. The color of daisies; the color of madness. It has my heart.

“Sure.”

The most important color is green.

“Hmm.”

WIth green you can do anything. You can preserve life; you can destroy life. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll never stop until one of us is dead.

“It's probably going to be you."

I’m doing everything I can. I don’t take breaks. I reach out. I'm trying.

"Who do you love?"









.

[Ruggahissy]

"Fingers crossed this time."

I hate the cold.

"Do you think he wanted to sleep with you?"

I hate that. You're put on the spot. Laugh like it was a joke. Hope it was a joke. Makes me feel like I'm going to vomit spiders. Haha, it was a joke -- unless.... Try to find a way out. He says, Hope I wasn't being a creep. You were, though. We good? I lie and say, Yeah, we're good. Leave the next text unread, but never delete it. Feel like it was your fault. Might delete later. Might tell a friend -- if I had any I could tell.

"Hey. Stop for two seconds. Buy a ticket to Las Vegas."

One ticket to Las Vegas, please!

((Continued in 7s To Burn))