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William "Bill" Taylor

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2021 5:03 pm
by Ohm
Name: William “Bill” Taylor
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: John Endecott Memorial Academy
Hobbies and interests: Online gaming, synthwave music, psychology, horror

Appearance: Bill stands at 5’11 and weighs 154 pounds, leaving him on the leaner side of the spectrum with thin arms and legs, but with a bit of a gut to him. Bill has curly, dark brown hair that reaches down his forehead towards his eyes; said hair would reach the back of his neck if it was straight, but due to its curliness goes out towards the sides. His face is round with a hook nose, thin lips on a wide mouth, and bushy eyebrows. His eyes are almond-shaped with a light blue color to them. Bill is caucasian and his skin tone on his arms and face is more tan than the rest of him which is paler.

Bill takes care of his appearance to a degree, showering and shaving regularly. However, he frequently finds himself with pimples, often along his cheeks and under his lip which he is ashamed of, and a few scars from ones he’s picked at. Bill is frequently seen with stubble across his upper lips, chin, and neck as his facial hair grows fast.

Bill’s fashion sense boils down to whatever is available to him at the moment; he’ll pick from an array of t-shirts of different designs along with either flannel shirts, check shirts, or jackets depending on the weather, for pants he sticks mostly with jeans though sometimes he wears chino or sweatpants. Due to his shoe size of 14, Bill tends to stick with a select few shoes that he has, opting for a favorite that he uses until they are worn out.

On abduction day he wore a dark blue zip-up hoodie, black t-shirt underneath with a Guy Fawkes mask image on it with two lines going sideways and one going up behind the mask, the ends coated with red and the words “those who are responsible, will be held accountable” written underneath. For his lower half he wore a pair of black chino pants along with white sneakers. Bill is also wearing a grey fisherman cap that his father used to wear and a wood bead multi-colored necklace with colors ranging from brown, blue and green beads that his parents bought him on a trip when he was 5 which he has worn since.

Biography: Bill was born to Richard and Danielle Taylor on September 28. A computer technician and yoga teacher respectively, they met by chance during a party in their 30’s. They had periodically seen one another through different parties and around town as Richard had recently moved in after living in a neighbouring town for most of his life at that point. They hit it off and had a series of dates that culminated in them moving in together and marrying. Not long after that, they had children together, reaching 8 in number: Benjamin in 1991, Selina in 1992, Cole in 1995, Robert in 2000, Bill in 2002, Alma in 2004, and Tyler in 2007.

His relationship with his siblings growing up had been mixed. Benjamin liked to party and mess around and argued with his parents frequently till he moved out to live with a friend, he works as a repairman and doesn’t speak to his family much. As such, his contact with Bill had been in his younger years with infrequent appearances once Bill became a teen.

He would see Selina and Cole more and get along with them, especially Cole as he shared similar hobbies and musical interests as Bill and would often show him new things he thought he would be interested in. Selina on the other hand would cut his hair for free when it would get particularly out of control due to its curliness and would talk with him about how things went at school and his interests, even after she moved out of their home to live with her boyfriend and started having children of her own.

His relationship with Robert was rockier due to both being competitive people and would argue about things frequently and take potshots at one another growing up. However, Robert would defend his brother from people that would mock or try to hurt him and through this, the two started to get along better.

His younger siblings, however, were more frosty to him growing up. Bill had immature tendencies and his anger issues spilled over into how he would deal with annoyances from the two of them, frequently arguing and fighting with them over various games and regular conversations between them became increasingly rare.

It became quickly apparent to Bill’s parents that their child was different. Bill had problems controlling his volume and temper, his coordination was poor, and would often stumble just walking normally and he would be sensitive to loud noises. Visits to a psychiatrist were scheduled and Bill was soon diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. At first, he was frustrated and angry over this as he didn’t want to be anything other than what he perceived as normal, but his opinion turned around as he got older and it inspired him to find out more about his diagnosis and other syndromes.

This led to a change in his schooling as Bill was frequently helped by a teacher's aide who'd try to keep him focused during classes along with specialised classes to help him with subjects that he was found to struggle with as well as his parents trying their best to accommodate his needs as they could, Bill's father, in particular, noticed that his son would react strongly to being made fun of and would go out of his ways to alleviate his son's concerns whenever he made a joke.

He first became interested in video games watching his siblings play games such as Halo or Mario Kart against one another and would be transfixed on the tv as they did so. As he grew older, he would get his own computer to play with it which opened the avenue of online video games for him and it didn’t take long before Bill was spending his time playing Counter Strike or different Source Mod games with strangers online.

By the time Bill reached middle school, he became a frequent target for bullying due to his behavior, acne breakouts, and an increase in weight, which left Bill confused and hurt as the bullies had been his friends through elementary school. He found himself ostracised and on the outs of his class as his bullies were popular. It didn’t take long for the bullying to escalate to the point Bill’s mother noticed him coming home in tears after a rough day. Infuriated by this, his father threatened to have him pulled out from school if this issue wasn’t dealt with and had frequent talks about this with Bill’s teachers.

Whilst the bullying stopped after his teachers stepped in and consequences were dealt out to his bullies, Bill had become increasingly closed off. Bill would keep to himself and rarely speak unless prompted by teachers and other students and would often wander off for himself during lunch breaks to listen to music instead of interacting with other students. His grades started suffering more during this time, some of which slumped down to a D grade. This extended to group projects where Bill would barely put in effort and leave the work to others, which didn’t help the perception his classmates had of him at the time.

Bill’s interest in horror started around this time, before he was too frightened by horror media to consume it, but by the time of middle school, it had gone past fear and into fascination. Whilst suffering from occasional nightmares due to his overactive imagination, he still would go out of his way to look into different types of horror media, most prominently Resident Evil and Silent Hill. However, it took him years before he played the games, content at first with reading about them before gradually watching videos of either as he got older before finally playing them during the Covid crisis.

He retreated more into video games, RPGs and online video games particularly. What started as a fun hobby became more and more as he played every day on games such as TF2 and Half Life 2 Deathmatch, joining certain servers and becoming friends with players that frequented them.

It was in his third and last year of middle school when Bill first found himself attracted to other boys, sneaking glances during gym and reading boys love fanfiction online. Whilst still attracted to girls, he often read more into homosexual relationships than straight ones. He is deeply afraid of showing this side of himself, and hides it from others as much as he can outside his family, having come out to them during middle school. He is worried about what the reaction to his sexuality would be and what being out would do to his social life and his family.

Bill was more outgoing once he got into high school compared to his middle school years, helped by his weight decrease as his mother convinced him to start exercising so he started taking regular walks and doing exercises at home. Still, he was rather quiet and lacking in energy in public, going to school out of obligation than any want to learn or be there.

It was during this time that Richard was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, necessitating the use of crutches and him working from home. This event shook Bill as he always looked up to his father and seeing him like this greatly concerned him. He started helping out more at home and checking in on his father frequently, privately worried that he was going to lose him.

Bill became more overly interested in psychology around this time. After learning about his disorder, Bill would frequently read on the subject to understand it and himself better which led to him reading about other disorders on the net, and whilst he’s always had an interest for learning about different conditions and sexualities, high school was the first time Bill was overt in his interest and would frequently spend his time reading about these subjects.

It was also during this time Bill found himself spending more and more time on different forums for various video games and hobbies. Talking with people through the internet helped alleviate some of his social problems, but concerned his parents who were worried over whether or not he put too much trust in the internet.

One of the things Bill likes to do in his spare time is discovering different bands and musicians in different genres. Whether it was through the various video games he has played over the years, or while scouring music websites such as Rate Your Music or specific genre Reddits, he'd find something new he'd listen to. Through this, he has collected a plethora of bands that he listens to frequently whether through Spotify or downloading the songs and placing them in his iPhone music library. The latest is the genre of synthwave which he found whilst playing Hotline Miami, leading Bill to discover and listen to bands and artists such as Dance with the Dead, Carpenter Brut, Pertubator and Lazerhawk, among others in the synthwave genre. The genre’s resemblance to the soundtracks of the 80’s combined with the genre’s surprising amount of variety has made it one of his favorites.

Bill’s grades are on the average-to-lower end for most of his classes with specific classes going above. He struggles significantly with Mathematics classes such as Algebra due to an inability to remember the rules and forms whilst doing better in classes such as History and English. Despite his low grades, his teachers have him noted as a clever student who developed a knack for planning on the spot owing to a history of showing up for presentations and coming up with his speech on the fly.

Socially, Bill is quiet, content with hanging out with select friends and talk about his interests in video games and the different music he listens to. Outwardly he tries to be as polite as he can be to different people, opening the door for others and trying to make himself as little of a nuisance as possible, even to those he doesn’t particularly like and would rather avoid.

Bill gets along with his family nowadays, he is close with both of his parents, particularly his father. He has a cordial relationship with most of his older siblings, a distant one with Benjamin, and looks up to Cole. His relationship with his younger sister is better than it was, having made up with her over the years for his behavior, but has a frostier relationship with his younger brother, and is one he struggles to mend but is kept at arm's length by him.

Bill is unsure what to do with his future, kicking around ideas of becoming a musician via the internet and using tools to make synthwave music, trying for a psychology major and going that route for a career, or try for a similar career as his father in computer repair. Despite his good relationship with them, both of his parents are worried about this and have pushed him to apply for college and follow in his father’s footprints.

Advantages Bill has a reputation of being polite and nice towards others at school, which could help him in social situations and get him allies. Bill is noted for his intelligence and his ability to plan on the fly.
Disadvantages: Bill has trust issues due to the bullying he suffered through when he was younger, which could make it harder for him to trust and open up to others. Bill’s stress regarding his sexuality being found out and how people will respond could work against him on the island.

Re: William "Bill" Taylor

Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2021 7:09 am
by MK Kilmarnock
Hi, Inge! It's me, good ol' Ricky, and I'll be working on Bill today. Bill is currently denied pending edits, primarily context-based though I wormed through a lot of the grammar stuff to try and help you out. Even if Bill was otherwise perfect, I'd unfortunately have to ding you for something that jumps out at me right away: The school section is blank! (Mercifully I don't think this counts as a template error since the template is correct, the section is just blank... so no getting bumped to the back for you!)

Anyway, let's begin. As I've been doing lately, I've isolated the grammatical and content notes.

Grammar stuff

Bill has curly, dark brown hair that reaches down his forehead towards his eyes, said hair > this should be a semicolon after eyes, not a comma (the following clause is a sentence that could stand on its own).

Bill is frequently seen with stubble across his upper lips, chin and neck as his facial hair grows fast. > comma after chin. OXFORD COMMA HOUSEHOLD

whatever is available to him at the moment, he’ll > semicolon (Or just make this a new sentence)

On abduction day he wore a dark blue zip up hoodie, underneath a black t-shirt with a Guy Fawkes mask image on it > the way this is written implies the hoodie is underneath the t-shirt. Just change it to ‘a black t-shirt underneath with...’ and that should fix it.

Along with a pair of black chino pants and white sneakers > sentence fragment.

They had Periodically > periodically

As such his contact with Bill > comma after ‘as such’

Though Robert would defend > With how it’s used in this sentence, you want a comma after ‘though’.

Frequently arguing and fighting over various games and conversations. > Sentence fragment.

Keeping to himself and rarely speaking unless prompted by teachers and other students. Often found wandering off for himself during lunch breaks to listen to music. > two sentence fragments back-to-back

Though it took him years before he played the games, content at first > Like before, you should have a comma after ‘though’. Otherwise, how it ends up reading is in a context similar to this: “Though he wore mittens, he still managed to burn himself by sticking his hand on the burner for several seconds like an idiot” as opposed to the context here where it’s interchangeable with “However,”

Bill was more open once he got into high school compared to his middle school years, helped by his weight decrease as his mother convinced him to start exercising so he started taking regular walks and doing exercises at home, but he was still rather quiet and lacking in energy in public, going to school out of obligation than any want to learn or be there. > This is a run-on sentence (basically the opposite of a fragment). You can break this into several complete sentences, which you’ll need to do anyway because a paragraph should not consist of a single sentence.
Bill became more overly interested in psychology around this time, whilst he’s always had an interest for learning about different conditions and sexualities, high school was the first time Bill was overt in his interest and would frequently spend his time reading about these subjects. > Same issue as before; this sole sentence makes up the entirety of the paragraph. You can fix this a couple of ways. The easier way is by merging this with the paragraph immediately following it. The slightly harder (but probably better) method is to add a couple more sentences. For a start, change the comma between ‘time’ and ‘whilst’ into a period. Tell me a bit more about why he was more interested in psychology starting in high school.

Whether through video games, music websites such as Rate Your Music or specific genre reddits. > Sentence fragment

One of the things Bill likes to do in his spare time is discover different bands and musicians in different genres. Whether through video games, music websites such as Rate Your Music or specific genre reddits. Through this he has collected a plethora of bands that he listens to frequently whether through Spotify or downloading the songs and placing them in his Iphone music library.

The latest of which is the genre of synthwave which he found whilst playing Hotline Miami. Recently finding himself listening to Dance with the Dead, Carpenter Brut, Pertubator and Lazerhawk. The genre’s resemblance to the soundtracks of the 80’s combined with the genre’s surprising amount of variety has made it one of his favorites. > Combine these paragraphs. Two more things: iPhone, not Iphone (Apple sucks, blame them not me); and when you have a clause ‘the latest of which’, it shouldn’t be starting its own sentence. ‘The latest genre he’s discovered is synthwave, which he found…’

average to lower > average-to-lower

Content with hanging out with select friends and talk about his interests of video games and the different music he listens to > fragment, just combine this with the previous sentence.

His relationship with his younger sister, having made up with over the years for his behavior, but a frosty one with his younger brother. One that he struggles to mend and is kept at arm's length by him. > the second sentence is a fragment. The first sentence seems incomplete… his relationship with his younger sister, having made up with her over the years, is… what? I think it’s missing an ‘is better’ here somewhere.


Content stuff

William is missing a school!

If Bill was born in September of 2002, he would turn 18 in 2020. This means he’s 18 at the start of pregame, soon to be 19 (which will need to be reflected on final apps)

This extended to group projects where Bill would barely put in effort and leave the work to others, which didn’t help the perception of him at the time. > Whose perception of him? His teachers, his classmates, his family, all of the above?

sneaking glances during gym and reading on BL online. > While I had a guess, I had to ask Iktor exactly what BL was so that might need some clarification here. Also what exactly is he reading on? Is he reading light novels, fanfiction, graphic novels?

He is deeply afraid of showing this side of himself, and hides it from others as much as he can outside his family. He is worried what the reaction to his sexuality would be and what being out would do to his social life and his family. > So wait, does his family know then (the text here seems to imply they do)? How did they react?

He struggles significantly with Mathematic classes such as Algebra and Calculus > If Bill struggles with mathematics, then he probably won’t be taking calculus; standard high school math curriculum ends at pre-calc/trigonometry during the senior year. Calculus is a college course (and an AP course for certain overachievers).

Has Bill considered becoming a psychology major given his interest in the subject?

who developed a knack for planning on the spot. > How did Bill develop this talent for planning on the spot?

When Bill was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, were there any changes made to his lifestyle and his schooling to accommodate his condition? The profile mentions a diagnosis and then… nothing. No counseling, no IEP (individualized education plan), nothing.

Bill’s paranoia regarding his sexuality being found out and how people will respond could work against him on the island. > How, exactly?


If you have any questions, you know how to get in touch with me. When the changes are made, post like usual and I'll take another look!

Re: William "Bill" Taylor

Posted: Tue May 04, 2021 4:17 am
by Ohm
Edited.

Re: William "Bill" Taylor

Posted: Tue May 04, 2021 6:12 am
by MK Kilmarnock
Hi Ohm, unfortunately, Bill is still denied.

None of the sentence fragments noted in my last critique have been fixed.

Bill was more open once he got into high school > Open how? I don't know what you mean by him being open.

but he was still rather quiet > But should be capitalized. If possible, you also shouldn't start a sentence with the words 'but' or 'and'. As in all things in life, there are exceptions to this rule, but you can rewrite these couple of sentences.

Found a new sentence fragment: Recently finding himself listening to Dance with the Dead, Carpenter Brut, Pertubator and Lazerhawk.

, but a frosty one with his younger brother. One that he struggles to mend and is kept at arm's length by him. > Make this its own new sentence. One sentence, because that second one is a fragment. Suggested rewrite: "His relationship with his younger brother is frostier, and is one he struggles to mend but is kept at arm's length by him."


That's about it.

Re: William "Bill" Taylor

Posted: Tue May 04, 2021 6:24 am
by Ohm
Edited.

Re: William "Bill" Taylor

Posted: Tue May 04, 2021 6:29 am
by MK Kilmarnock
APPROVED