Survival Of The Fittest

Name: Montana "Monti" Morgan
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: John Endecott Memorial Academy
Hobbies and Interests: Social media, partying, surfing, music

Appearance: Monti stands about 5'6" and weighs around 122 pounds. Her figure is defined by long, slender limbs and curvy hips. She is Caucasian with a tan from a healthy amount of time spent in the sun. She has a light dusting of freckles scattered across her nose, cheeks, and shoulders.

She has long blonde hair, straight but messy. Her bright blue eyes rest under a set of thing blonde eyebrows. Her full lips are frequently painted with shiny lipstick, the color of which changing almost daily. She's known for having an almost constantly relaxed expression accompanied with a calm smile, as though nothing manages to bother her.

Monti's wardrobe is designed for comfort. Her closet consists primarily of oversized T-shirts and off-the-shoulder tops, accompanied by either shorts or long skirts. She almost always wears sandals unless something requires her to wear closed-toe shoes.

Biography: Ariana and Aaron Morgan were a surf instructor and a music teacher who have both spent their entire lives on the east coast. In their mid-twenties, they found a place in Salem, Massachusetts and had their only child, Montana. Neither of them had been particularly prepared to be a parent, but they owned up to the responsibility and did their best to raise her every step of the way.

Growing up, Monti's parents did have rules in place to keep her safe, but they were generally very lax in terms of restrictions. They would keep her away from things that were blatantly out of her age range, but in general, she had a lot of freedom to make her own decisions. Although their house wasn't the most structured, both Ariana and Aaron were loving parents who were proud to raise their daughter, and she was very happy with both of them. Her parents jobs were seasonal, with Ariana's surfing job making her busier in the summer, while Aaron's position at a middle school made him busier during the school year, so one of them was always able to be home with her.

Monti's early interests took after her parents. She picked up music from her father and tried out several instruments that he had lying around before eventually settling on the guitar. At the same time, she always loved going to the beach, and when she was eight, her mom started teaching her to surf, although only in calm waters so that she wouldn't get over her head too quickly. Between the two of them in addition to school, Monti's childhood was an active one.

Monti has always been good at talking to people and making friends. Even during her first day of school, she didn't have any real hesitancy when it came to talking to other kids, and she was always eager to try anything. Despite being so outgoing and making new friends so easily, her closest friendship was, ironically, someone who was her exact opposite, October Valentine. Withdrawn and prone to frustration, October was very different from the relaxed and friendly Monti, yet the two of them remained incredibly close through their school years. In fact, years later, Monti's open bisexuality would be one of the things that got October into activism.

As she entered high school, despite her enthusiasm, Monti didn't get involved in many extracurricular activities. She still maintained her usual schedule of playing music and going to the beach when she was out of class, which was good enough for her. She did decently in her classes, occasionally excelling but usually maintaining a solid B average. She built up a fast reputation for her perpetually chill nature, and she had an easy time getting along with most people, giving her a good amount of popularity among her classmates.

In the last couple of years, Monti has become very active on social media, running her own Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube pages. She generally just posts whatever she wants, from pictures or videos she took or just things that popped into her mind that day, and it has turned out to be oddly successful for her. She has an audience of about 60,000 collected across her platforms, and started monetizing her YouTube channel in lieu of getting a part-time job. It's providing decent enough returns for the time being, but she needs to either expand her online reach or find a full-time career in order to make a living once she graduates.

In her spare time, Monti's outgoing nature has made her a regular at the school's party scene. She gets invited to most parties simply because she's a fun, relaxed presence, and she never disappoints. Although she's seen a few wild parties, she doesn't have much of a taste for alcohol, finding it gross. However, she has smoked weed at a few parties in the past and found it to her liking. She hasn't made a habit out of it, but she usually wouldn't turn it down if given the option.

Right before senior year, October moved into Monti's home due to irreconcilable differences with her parents, and Monti and her family welcomed her with open arms. Although the events leading up to it were quite negative and uncomfortable, Monti is happy with having her best friend under the same roof. As for her future plans, though, Monti hasn't put a whole lot of thought into them. She figures that she will either get into music like her dad, or surfing like her mom. But she's always been the type to go with the flow, and if she winds up heading in another direction, then she's fine with that too.

Advantages: Monti is in decent shape thanks to her experience surfing, and has good stamina as a result. Her chill, pleasant personality is also unlikely to stir tension among others, so working peacefully comes naturally to her. She also has a fair amount of friends among the student body, which would make it easy for her to find allies, especially in the case of October Valentine.
Disadvantages: Monti is not used to thinking on her feet, so her snap decisions will likely leave a lot to be desired. In addition, she is less likely to make the first move in a confrontation, which would put her at a distinct disadvantage against a hostile opponent. Finally, her laid-back and friendly nature could be manipulated by a more ruthless classmate.

Hey Aura! It’s Chad/Buko and I will be handling Monti’s critique! I do like to always begin my critiques with a little schtick as people can find the whole process a little intimidating—the critique process is just that: a process! It isn't designed to provide obstacle or serve as a barrier to entry but instead the goal is to get the best version of characters possible into the game proper! Everything stated here is done with the goal of making Monti better! In subsequent rounds I may bring up some stuff that I missed in rounds prior, this isn’t due to any trickery on my end but instead just a result of things becoming more apparent as more thoughts and rereads are done! If you feel discouraged at any point—don’t! I am here to help and I hope to make myself as available as possible via Discord or PM!

So with that said—let us get to cracking! Monti is temporarily DENIED pending some edits mostly focused upon expansion and explanation.

Let us go from top to bottom!

Hobbies & Interests

Pretty straight forward! Nothing of note or comment here!

Appearance

I would like a little bit more details in concerns to the specificity of her features. Stuff like the shape of her nose and her eyes. I would also like to know—what is she wearing on the day of the abduction? This is going to be a theme throughout but we just need a little more.

Biography

Firstly, Boston and Salem in particular are not considered surfing hot spots and that is by and large a much more west coast sort of hobby. It isn’t out of bounds or impossible—but it is less than ideal. There’s a lot of ways to bound them to the east coast but I do feel like we need more in regard to what got them there and what kept them there. You hit a bit on the idea that there is a slow season for Ariana—let’s get more in that vein and just a bit more expansion on those early years and the corresponding career uncertainty that comes with being a New England surf instructor.

You have very little on Monti’s early life and academic interests or pitfalls outside of her friendship with October. I want more details on her elementary school years and middle school years and how she adjusted and grew up. There’s sort of a ho-hum tone and recitation of details and it causes stuff like Monti’s own bisexuality to almost feel like they’re coming out of left field. You can solve this by giving us more detail and insight into her character and actions throughout and making her development as a fully fledged teenager seem organic and a response to her childhood/early teenage years.

To have 60,000 followers is not a small thing for a high schooler and would require quite a lot of attention dedicated to social media and almost a professional type ambition or a stroke of viral luck along with all the effort that goes in towards production, building an audience and beyond. Once again, not impossible—but there is a sort of ho-hum and lack of detail here. I want more information on her content and what goes into making it. Does it effect her school work? How do her parents react to a minor having such a large digital footprint and are they involved in monitoring her online activity? Are they concerned she interacts with literally thousands of strangers? Along with her bisexuality and October moving in there are a large amount of “This happened and her parents just accepted it”—that isn’t wrong, but the way you lay it out allows for too much filling in the blanks and questions to arise. You need to be definitive and the route to that is within the details. We need more on school, we need more on social media--we need more in general.

I know October is also one of your characters and so these two being linked is likely something that will be expanded upon and detailed in RP and perhaps even through your own personal writings or one shots. That being said, I just need more details on how Monti exists outside of this other character of yours. At the moment it appears that she is a bit of a supporting character in her own story and that unfortunately (paired with the lack of detail) creates a degree of flatness and two dimensionality. If you want these two to be able to stand together effectively, you need to more effectively make Monti stand on her own.

This may seem like a lot and the real answer here is that we need a lot more work and detail. Specifically in the areas concerning her social media presence, personal life and academic life and how they all intersect and interact.

There are some minor grammar and sentence structure stuff that I think would cause this profile to benefit being put through a word processor along with a grammar check! My big advice is to always read aloud as you edit and try to detach yourself from your own voice. Approach the piece with the monotone and disconnect of a stranger and you should be able to simplify your sentences and grasp your own grammatical errors much easier. This is something that I find myself doing with posts and profiles (and even this very critique!). It isn't perfect, but I do think it helps and that every profile (especially those within a first draft) benefit from!

Advantages & Disadvantages

This looks good for the most part. The one thing that stands out to me is within the Disadvantages.

Finally, her laid-back and friendly nature could be manipulated by a more ruthless classmate.

Seems a bit conditional and dependent on the actions of others and so not really a true disadvantage. I would just describe her as easy to manipulate here as that seems to be the intention. Well intentioned and less ruthless people can also manipulate the relaxed and complacent in certain ways that can be detrimental in a life or death situation. Feel like the quickest path is a straight line here!

And that’s all for round 1! As stated before if there’s any questions or further explanation needed—feel free to hit me up via PM or Discord!