Survival Of The Fittest

Lily never did find Kitty in the end.

((Lillian Larsen continued from In spite of terror))

It wasn't for lack of trying. After her encounter with Evie she went on to circle the research station, see if she could spot her mark lurking around, before seeking a vantage point that gave her a decent view of the tunnel entrances. Most of them anyway, she couldn't observe all of tunnel entrances at once, nor did she have any way of knowing if Kitty had already left. All she could do now was wait and see if she emerged from hiding.

So that's exactly what she did. An hour passed. Almost followed by a second, before Lily finally bit the bullet and ventured down to take a closer look. The tunnels were the last place on the island she wanted to bump into Kitty, knowing full well that she'd have the advantage in those dark narrow passageways, but Lily couldn't leave this place without making sure. Besides, deep down she already knew she wouldn't find her down there.

Sure enough, all she discovered down in the tunnels were three dead bodies. Two of whom were none other than Derek and Chiara, whose deaths triggered this entire escapade. What were the odds she'd bump into them down there of all places? It was almost like this game was taunting her, rubbing her failures in her face. Lily suspected that Fey was likely Kitty's handiwork as well, given how fresh she was compared to the others. She'd be alive right now if Lily hadn't botched that shot earlier.

Eventually, once it became clear that Kitty was long gone, Lily finally left. Alone, cold, dejected. That was likely the best chance she was ever going to get to catch Katelyn, and she blew it.

Amaryllis wouldn't have missed. If she had just stuck around with Amaryllis a little longer, figured out a plan with her, then they might have been able to attempt this ambush together. They could've finally avenged Liya and put a stop to Kitty's rampage, instead of letting her slip away yet again.

The only thing left to do now was return to camp. Her original camp, that is, Lily setting off towards the secret spot marked on her map. Maybe Amaryllis was still there, waiting for her? She needed to see her again, needed to apologise about running off half-cocked like that. Amaryllis must've been worried sick about her, if not furious that she'd run off like that. Probably both, she could hardly blame her if she resented Lily for leaving so suddenly.

Nevertheless, Lily walked. And walked. And walked a little longer, trudging through the snow with her blanket wrapped around her shoulders like a makeshift cloak, retracing her steps as best she could. When the sun died down, she started relying mostly on her flashlight, steadily making her way up through the pass before leaving the beaten trail for their secret spot, tucked away where nobody would ever care to look.

At least, so she thought. She wasn't venturing off the path for long before happening across a trail of footprints in the snow, leading towards their secret campsite. Except... No, actually, that wasn't right. Upon closer inspection, they were leading AWAY from camp...

"Amaryllis?" she whispered under her breath, shining her light into the distance. No sign of her, or anyone else for that matter. With a nervous glint in her eyes, she used her flashlight to start following those tracks. Step by step, her chest tightening and heart racing. With all the snowfall they had to be relatively fresh, probably no earlier then that morning she reckoned.

Eventually, the footprints led her to a small copse of trees. And resting against one of those trees was a girl in a grey camo jacket, with bright red hair and a pink beanie.

"A-A-A-AM!" Lily cried out, rushing over with a smile on her face, dropping the gun by her friend's feet and wrapping her arms around her.

"It's me, Lily!" she began, eyes welling up as she pulled back. "I'm back, I..."

Her smile dissipated.

Amaryllis looked as though she was fast asleep, at first.

She wasn't waking up, however.

"...Amaryllis?" she asked, her eyes filled with disbelief. "W... Wake up. I-I-It's me, I'm here now! I-I-I came back, I..."

Her hands started shaking, teeth rattling. She reached out to cup Amaryllis' cheeks, her eyes widening when she realised how cold they were.

"Please, PLEASE wake up!" she begged, tears flowing freely. "PLEASE! I-I'm sorry! I'm so, SO sorry! I never should have left you! P-please, don't..."

She leant down to press her ear to Amaryllis' chest, desperately trying to listen out for a heartbeat.

Silence.

"No... Nonononono!" she whimpered, her forehead pressed to her friend's chest as she bit down on her bottom lip, eyes shut tight as she tried to suppress her tears. "Please come back... Please come back... I... I need you..."

Her eyes welled some more, her face grimacing. She couldn't contain her grief any longer, her head kicking back as she unleashed a banshee wail unlike any she'd ever experienced before, tears flowing like rainwater as she found herself overcome with sorrow. She hadn't wept this hard since Janice's death, before Amaryllis comforted her with a warm embrace.

But there was nobody there to hug her this time.

Amaryllis was gone.

Her friend was gone, falling prey to the elements in an attempt to bring her back home.

Lillian was alone. Moreso than she'd ever been in her entire life.

Lily found herself in an all-too familiar place.

She was tied to a familiar tree, her hands and feet bound, her clothes torn and belly exposed. It was a scene she had grown accustomed to at this point, one that had haunted her for days on end. By now she was just tired of it all. It didn't even invoke fear anymore. If anything she seemed to almost welcome it.

She saw a familiar pair of red trainers walk up to her, her eyes looking up to stare into a familiar set of large brown eyes. 

The girl before her smiled, slowly raising her scalpel towards Lily's face.

Lily simply sighed. "Well, lets get this over with..."

The girl before her... Stopped. And pouted, an annoyed look in her eyes. "Hmmph, what's got you in a sour mood?"

Lily didn't respond.

"Jesus, don't tell me you're still all worked up about that little crusade of yours..." she continued, stepping away with her hands behind her back as she adopted a mocking tone. "OOOooh nooo, it's all MY fault that whittle kitty's going around scwatching everyone... Fucking get over yourself!" she spat, pointing her knife back at Lily. "You didn't have anything to fucking do with her victims! You're just a fucking bit player in all this, some rando who bumped into her one time! The only blood on your hands is that chick you strangled, Janet or whatever..."

The girl paused, tapping her chin and shrugging. "And that commie friend of yours, I guess. That one's on you."

"Fuck you..." Lily replied, scowling up at the girl. "The fuck are you doing here, anyway? You're just some... Some fucking millennial who killed and tortured a girl over a decade ago! You weren't even one of the bigger names! Why the fuck am I stuck with YOU in my head?"

The girl let out a giggle, swaying on the spot as she toyed with her scalpel. "Heh, well... I mean, we both know the answer to that, don't we?" she responded, with a wink. "You read all about me... Though, that wasn't enough, was it? Curious little cat that you were... You just HAD to know more, didn't you?"

Lily looked away as the girl sauntered closer, twirling her knife with a playful strut. "You remember how much of that video you watched? A couple seconds? A minute? Several..." she continues, leaning in close with a wide cheshire grin. "You forgot how much of that video you watched before clicking pause... But I didn't. I remembered every detail."

The girl's blade inched itself towards Lily's cheek, poking at the scar Janice gave her... Before pulling her knife away, as she took a couple steps back.

"But... You also read about who I was before all that. How I was just an ordinary girl who liked making home movies..." she says, with a knowing chuckle. "Huh, you wanna make movies as well, doncha? How very interestiiiiiiiiing..."

The girl prodded her finger with the tip of her blade, gasping in pain before regaining her composure. "Ahem... Like you, the island took it's toll on me... Only, I discovered a little coping mechanism that ended up working gangbusters. Amazing just how LIBERATING it can be to just go with the flow, leave your humanity at the door and embrace the absurdity of it all!"

Lily raised her brow. "Don't start telling me you had one bad day... If you're gonna to torment me, the least you could do is be original about it."

The girl snickered. "Yeah, well, I'm YOUR subconscious, so jokes on you..." she retorted, flipping her knife before snatching it out of the air and pointing it at Lily's nose. "Point being... Sometimes, you gotta just... Like, let it all go, y'know? Just go all-out, tell your sanity to go fuck itself and start making history! WAY more fun than slitting your throat, believe me!"

Lily tried to ignore her, turning away as the girl moved in closer again. "I mean, you've already got a killer gimmick just BEGGING to be used!" she continues, making gestures in the air like she was pitching a script to a producer. "Just picture it: Lilith the Satanist! You could, like, go around performing blood magic rituals! Put on a growly voice and act like you're possessed by fuckin' Pazuzu or some shit! God, it would be metal as FUCK!"

Lily continued ignoring her, trying to turn away, though somehow she'd always be there. Smiling at her, no matter which direction she looked. "I mean, don't just take MY example! You remember reading about Liam Brooks, right? The guy was hemophobic, and look at the shit HE did!" she says, shuddering with disgust. "And Nathanial Harris, whoooo boy... Well, okay sure, that guy was kind of a walking red flag but... The point is, what I did was a time honoured tradition. Cody Jenson, Lenny Priestley, Isabel Ramirez, Quinn Abert... There's a reason people remember those names."

The girl tilted her head. "You think people will remember Lily Larsen? You think they will remember that tankie friend of yours?"

Lily's eyes bore into the girl's, trying to pull herself free from her bounds. The girl simply smiled some more.

"Newsflash, Lilith... People don't remember the nobodies. They remember the weirdos... The sickos... The psychos... The victors."

The girl snickered some more. "I mean, when your game gets broadcast, who do you think people are gonna be talking about? The commie who froze to death trying to look for her friend? Or the catgirl whose slaughtering everyone?"

Lily closed her eyes, trying to block out the girls voice. "Just... Just go away. You're not even real. You've been dead for over ten years now!"

The girl sighed. "True, true... Sarah Atwell's been dead a long time... Course, you and I both know that's not who you're talking to. You've known all this time who I REALLY am..."

Lily grimaced, turning her head away, only for a hand to grab her by the chin and pull her face back. 

"Go on... Say the line..." the girl snarled, her voice shifting into something else. "Say it with me."

Try as she did to fight back, eventually Lily's eyes opened again, staring back into a familiar set of blue orbs.

"Am I insane?" said Lillian Larsen, smiling back at herself.

Lily awoke in something of a daze.

She remained with Amaryllis throughout the night, slumped against a tree wrapped in as many layers as she could, huddled as close to a campfire as she dared to put herself. It was naught but smoldering embers by the time morning arrived, the snowfall finally coming to end, albeit a day too late for comfort.

Her eyes remained closed for a while, not wanting to open them. A part of her entertained the thought that maybe she wasn't too late after all, that by some miracle setting up a campfire near Amaryllis could warm her up enough to somehow bring her back. She knew it was wishful thinking however, and sure enough she eventually opened her eyes to find Amaryllis still laying there. No different from last night, though her bluish-grey complexion was easier to make out in the morning light.

Lily sat there. Silent, almost as motionless as the corpse laying before her. She slowly pushed the covers away, reaching down for her bag to start rummaging for a bite to eat, pulling out a half-eaten ration bar to munch into. It felt like she was trying to chew a brick, tasteless and practically frozen solid. Not that she really cared anymore.

She gazed ahead into nothingness, munching away as a microphone blared in the distance, and the morning announcement began. Her suspicions about Fey's killer were confirmed, along with the revelation that Evie had gone and killed Dani at some point. Lily wondered if that happened before or after their encounter, not that it made much difference in the end. She always regretted never turning up to Dani's Halloween party. Hard to believe that over half its attendees were now gone.

Crystal and Karin had also passed, the latter by Matthew's hands. After ten days of this however, she'd just grown numb to it all. She wasn't even sure who of her friends were left. Fitz? Dickie, maybe? That was about it. Everyone else was dead.

It was enough to make her wonder if there was any point in trying to do the right thing. She didn't even know what the right thing WAS anymore, after getting Amaryllis killed whilst trying to murder another of her former classmates. It was too late to try and figure out an escape plan, most of her former classmates were already gone, and roughly a third of those who remained were actively hunting the rest.

She could always just... Give up. Throw away her covers and sit beside Amaryllis, close her eyes and wait for mother nature to do its thing. It sounded like a peaceful way to go. Not that she had any illusions about reuniting with Amaryllis, despite her reputation she never bought into the idea of there being an afterlife. This was the one life they had, and when your clock ticked to zero, that was it. The End.

Truth be told, even now the void scared the hell out of her. No, even after everything, she didn't think she could embrace death so willingly.

Then there was the other option. The one she dreamt about, even if the details were fuzzy and her memory of it already starting to fade. She recalled enough to get the gist, however. To remind herself of another path she could take. A coping mechanism that had helped others who'd fallen to despair find some meaning amongst the madness.

And even if she didn't go THAT far, she could always just go fuck it. Use that rifle as intended, try to survive this thing by any means necessary. Half her class were basically playing at this point anyway, so why pretend she was any better than them? Hell, if she was lucky she might even win another...

Lily paused. She put the ration bar back into her bag, rummaging through it again before finding a small box near the bottom, picking it up and opening the lid to reveal an uneaten Boston Kreme donut. It was a little squashed, not to mention stale, but when she bit deep into it... God, it was still good. Not as good as it would've been fresh, but their cold surroundings served as something of a natural refrigerator, tears running down her cheeks as she scoffed the treat right there and then.

It reminded her of the morning after Janice died. When it was just herself and Amaryllis, sharing a hot pot together as they reminisced about home.

Lily sniffled, wiping her tears away before looking up at her friend.

A few minutes later, she stood up and got to work...

Lily wiped her brow, adding some finishing touches to Amaryllis' burial mound before taking a few steps back.

It wasn't much, barely an improvement to the ones they made for Liya and Piper. She picked out one of the spare blankets they found, one she recalled Amaryllis taking a liking towards, and draped it over her prone body. Atop which she then added the usual layer of snow and leaves, before finishing it off with a pile of rocks to serve as a marker. It was a poor man's excuse for a grave if there ever was one, but it offered a little more dignity than the state she was left in.

Once she was done, Lily found herself stepping back towards a fallen log, sitting herself down and rubbing her hands for warmth. She remained silent for a while, staring at her friend's grave. Contemplating this and that, before eventually clearing her throat.

"I..." she began, pausing for a moment. "Feel like I should say something... I mean, that's what you're supposed to do in this situation, right? Reminisce about old times, 'Hope you're in a better place', that sort of thing?"

Lily sighed. "Feels disingenuous to pretend you can hear me right now, when neither of us ever believed in that sort of thing"  she continues, looking up at the sky. "Yet it also just feels... Wrong, y'know, to just walk away without saying anything? Like one of those weird old traditions you pass on from generation to generation, even though the meaning's been long lost or... I dunno, maybe I'm just overthinking it..."

She raised a pair of fingers to her lips, taking a long drag from an invisible cigarette, before exhaling warm steam. "I don't even know if you would've welcomed me being here. I wouldn't blame you if you resented me in the end... Don't think there's anything I could ever say or do to make up for it."

Lily took another drag, before wiping her eyes. "You deserved better than this. Than me."

Flicking the invisible cigarette away, Lily sat there for a while in silence, thinking for a moment before piping up again. "I... I don't think I ever got around to telling you just how much I respected you, y'know? You always seemed much more... Like, knowledgeable about the world. Like, you actually knew how to DO things, like actual... Practical things, like how to set up a campsite, or how to cook wild game... I don't think I ever could've made it this far without you."

Lily gently rubbed her injured palm with her thumb, biting her bottom lip. "You were always so... Like, passionate about the things you cared about. Honestly, at times I'll admit it was... A little intimidating" she adds, with a soft chuckle. "Like I'd listen you talk about politics and stuff and I'd be all like 'Oh wow, I'm... Really not nearly as well versed on this subject as I thought I was!' But, like... I really, truly respected that about you. You weren't wishy washy about anything, you always had... Like, conviction and... I... I really liked that, about you..."

Her cheeks flushed ever so slightly. "There were times, I'll admit, where I'd look at you and wondered if I..." she began, only to let her words linger in the air, before wiping away another tear.

"I would've loved to have shown you Philadelphia."

She paused for a while, sitting there in the snow, tapping her knees before letting out a soft sigh. "I haven't... I haven't really decided what I'll do next. I think I'm going to try to survive this game, one way or another..."

Lily looked down at her feet, seeing a pair of red trainers. She then closed her eyes, blocking the image out, before opening them to see her own shoes instead.

"I... I don't know if this is even possible, or if I'm already too late, but... I'm going to try and make it through this thing with my humanity intact. Feel like that's about the best I can hope for, at this point."

After another pause, Lily reached down for her bag, which felt notably heavier than before. As ghoulish as it felt to go through Amaryllis' belongings, the thought of leaving them for the vultures felt even worse. With her bag slung over her shoulder, and her rifle in her arms, Lily looked down at the burial mound before her one last time.

"Goodbye, Amaryllis... Thank you... For everything."

With nothing left to say, Lillian Larsen turned and walked away, ready to face whatever the island had prepared for her.

((Lillian Larsen continued in Live Deliciously))