Survival Of The Fittest

Name: Inessa Highman-Roberts
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Southwest Red Rock High School
Hobbies and Interests: Photography, insects, fashion, manga, Student Yearbook

Appearance: Inessa is a 5’6” female of mixed descent, Russian from her mother’s side, and Filipino from her father's side, who weighs 144 lbs. She is fairly skinny with her tan body being built in an hourglass-shape. She has a heart-shaped face with bright blue eyes, a rounded concave nose, and an unfading smile. Her hair was originally dark brown, but she dyed it dark blonde; the length of her hair reaches around her waist.

Inessa loves to wear clothes inspired by Japanese culture and aesthetics, specifically the Japanese Gyaru and Kogal subcultures. Around school, she’s mostly seen wearing related clothing items such as skirts, button-ups, leg-warmers, stockings, sweaters, cardigans, and loose ties/bows. However, she often wears clothes with blue, light blue, and yellow as primary colors. She always seems to wear a dark green paracord bracelet that was given to her boyfriend. Inessa also routinely changes her hairstyle on different days. These styles range from ponytails, pigtails, space buns, headband braids, braided loop pigtails, braided buns, etc. On the day of the abduction, she wore a dark blue sailor fuku shirt with a blue tie, a yellow cardigan tied around her waist, a blue knee-length pleated skirt over black slimming shorts, a blue ribbon tied as a hairband, yellow leg warmers, brown leather loafers, and her bracelet. Her hair was left untied.

Biography: Born in Cleveland, Ohio on October 15, 2006, Inessa Highman-Roberts is the child of her stepfather, Merritt Roberts, and her biological mother, Polina Highman. Polina was once married to Inessa’s biological father, Christian, after graduating college with a bachelor’s degree in Entomology. The couple’s marriage had been going smoothly until Polina had finished all her college courses. She struggled to find a steady job even with her degree and left the two with many expenses in college funds, especially after Polina became pregnant. Because of these payments, Christian left her mother and had no intentions of contacting her again after moving to Illinois. With no one else to help her, Polina applied to a trade school in hopes of a degree in computer programming. But along the way, she soon met with Merritt, a college student who would later become a freelance photographer. The two would become married after they both completed their degrees and Polina gave birth to Inessa.

Throughout childhood, Inessa had a very comfortable lifestyle with her family, even gaining a few friends during preschool. Merrit had often been sought out to work for others because of his freelance job, and Polina worked as a housewife after she still struggled to find a job with her new degree. While her parents were hard workers, they always found time to spend with their daughter. Her parents would describe her as a curious child who always found new wonders every day. Her classmates also commented on her kindness to those around her.

In the past, Inessa was inspired by many of her parent’s achievements. One of these examples was her father’s photography work and the several events in which his photos took place. She had seen most of the photos Merritt had taken, and most included concerts, portraits, and astrophotography. However, she became interested in his earlier works, specifically moments around 2007 in France. These photos included scenic shots of the Lavender Gardens, the Eiffel Tower, Mont-Saint-Michel, and Verdon Gorges. At the center of some of these pictures was a younger Polina holding Inessa as a baby. Because of these pictures, Inessa became inspired to travel the world like her father did.

Another hobby that interested her was her mother’s past study of insects. As a young girl, she was always fascinated with pinboards filled with insects and the displays of many species hanging above the house’s walls. Her mother had noticed this and would always teach her small facts about the bugs she’d come across. Polina had also lent most of her entomology textbooks for her to read.

Despite her good-hearted personality, she used to be the subject of bullying in elementary school, and for a fairly odd reason. A long time ago, one of her elementary teachers used to keep their pet tarantula in their classroom. The large arachnid was kept in a large container for all the students to observe, especially Inessa. One day, the teacher accidentally left the tarantula’s cage open, causing it to let loose on a student’s desk during a lecture. While others freaked out, Inessa calmly caught the spider and placed it in its nest. Because of this, she was always entrusted to take care of the class pet, which most students respected her for.

A few other students, however, used this information as an excuse to bully her. Many students had often teased her about her strange interest in insects, even calling her “bug girl.” At first, it started as insults, but it would soon involve physical attacks on her, from pushing to hair tugging. But despite the torment, she remained unbothered by the whole experience and even gained a few childhood friends, especially one young boy named Storm Strider. Whenever she was bullied, he was always there to protect her from harm and would treat her more kindly than the other students. The two soon got to know each other better and developed a childhood love because of their friendship, both trying to emulate the romances they saw in movies. However, because of his parent's promotion in military ranks, and by new orders from their officers, his family had to move to another state, leaving Inessa behind. Without his help, the bullies found ways to continue their torment of her. Inessa's teachers rarely noticed her bullying because she had hidden the fact from others. Her teachers finally took action after an incident with handfuls of dirt thrown at her. The event reached her parents through her teachers, leading them to transfer Inessa to another elementary school.

As she entered middle school, Inessa began to involve herself with more hobbies and even revisited old ones. During this time, she became more involved in anime and manga culture thanks to a library book she stumbled across. The first manga she ever discovered was “High Gear Seven,” an isekai story about a group of students trapped in a world filled with Steampunk machinery. After that, she began to read more books from different genres, her favorite being romantic stories.

Her time at middle school was cut short due to an unexpected pandemic which restricted her to online classes during her final year. She, unfortunately, hated the circumstances of COVID-19 and the lockdown taking place but still tried to use her time to find ways to cure her boredom. Her love for manga culture would soon grow after watching anime series based on the books she's read. It wasn’t long until she stumbled across Boy’s Love or BL. One of her favorite stories linked to the subject was about an all-boys school filled with monster students titled "Gakusei no Kaibutsu." Each book from the series always featured a different pairing of monstrous characters and a different scenario for the romantic couple to follow through with.

During COVID, Merritt was contacted by an entertainment agency to help promote their shows. This required Inessa’s family to move from Ohio to Nevada, where they would settle in Las Vegas. The change seemed abrupt, but it had given Inessa a chance to start a new slate and continue her studies at Southwest Red Rock. Because of the change of scenery, Inessa became joyful during her time in high school. It was even around this time that she would reconnect with her childhood friend Storm, who also attended Red Rock with her and would evolve their friendship into a romantic relationship. But it was also around this time she started to question her sexual preferences, mainly due to the books she's read. While she loved to read about same-gender relationships, the thought of being in one never crossed her mind. Another factor that made her question herself even more was her feelings towards a friend in the school's Anime Club. The idea had led her to become bi-curious, although she never told her boyfriend about the prospect for fear of hurting his feelings.

After the move, there have been a few minor changes in the Highman-Roberts household, mostly within the family. For example, Merrit had been getting himself more caught up in his work with the agency. While he does his best to make some spare time for his family, he always gets stuck working for long hours, even as far as working overnight. A similar change goes with Polina, who finally found a full-time job based on her college degree. While she works at home, she tends to work long hours as well. However, she still manages to try and connect with her daughter.

As for Inessa, she began to find a new hobby in fashion after watching a favorite anime of hers. This hobby inspired her because a female character in the show was a gyaru, which had taken Inessa's interest. Inessa would casually dress herself in clothes similar to a similar fashion with the help of some of her friends. While her parents would raise some concerns about her clothes being too revealing or bright, she would adhere to their wishes by wearing clothes with neutral or toned-down colors that don't reveal her thighs or shoulders.

In school, Inessa had always done her best to portray herself as a model student to others by helping them out with certain tasks and problems. Her student reputation exceeded her when she was considered one of the school’s top students because of her good grades. One of her favorite courses is history because she loves to learn more about famous figures from different periods. One of the courses she occasionally has trouble with is Spanish. She can write out the language correctly, but she has difficulty speaking the proper words.

However, her happiness with starting anew did become short-lived. During a human anatomy lesson in one of her science classes, students noticed a strange instance of Inessa’s last name from her mother. The surname “Highman” had a similar sound to the word “Hymen,” which was a thin tissue that covered parts of the vaginal opening. Because of this realization, most of Red Rock’s bullies had found a reason to ridicule her similar to elementary school. Paired with her love of a specific taste in manga genres and distinctive fashion, her taunting worsened as she was always judged for her weird clothes and obsession with anime. But while she had to face becoming tormented again, she hid the fact from her parents to avoid transferring to another school. Whenever her parents tried to ask if her fellow students caused any problems, she would often lie and hide the fact she was being bullied again, even doing her best to distance herself from physical confrontations. Many of her friends and teachers at school have taken notice of her bullying and tried to help, but Inessa would always refuse the help, not wanting to cause a bigger fuss than it already is and to maintain her already good student reputation.

Throughout her high school classes, she began to revisit her love for photography. Inspired by her father’s works, she followed in his footsteps to become a photographer. She started her dream by signing up for the student yearbook. This school’s elective taught her how to make clearer pictures with better resolution and lighting, even using Photoshop to incorporate different styles into her photos. With these skills, she had finally settled on a few themes her photos should be based on, which gave her a head start on creating a college portfolio. Her photos include student portraits and city landscapes similar to her father's. Her works also included wildlife standstills and poses that could be used as character references. With the help of her father, she managed to find seasonal internships for a modeling agency that was a sister company to the studio her dad worked in. She was tasked to take pictures of clothing products and models during her time there and even made connections to other companies from her coworkers.

As she nears the end of her senior year, she is promised to graduate high school with exceeding grades. Inessa hopes her portfolio will be enough to get her to a college photography program. She plans to stay and apply to colleges in Nevada to pursue her dreams, but moving to California would be her backup plan. However, the company she works for promises her a part-time job at a media studio once she graduates.

Advantages: Thanks to her boyfriend, Storm Strider, she has some knowledge of how to handle knives. Rather than engage in violence, she would always try to resolve conflicts with reason thanks to her student reputation. For example, her kindness can stop an attack against those who can be reasoned with. Inessa has potential allies because of her relations with the Student Yearbook and the other clubs she has joined.
Disadvantages: Despite her knowledge of handling knives, she has no fighting capabilities due to her innocent nature; she wouldn’t be able to fight back against other students. Her pacifism would also be unfavorable, as it would mark her an easy target. She has also become dependent on others, especially those she considers to be trusted.

Hey there FlockOfHens! Before we can give you a full critique, your profile for Inessa needs to fully adhere to the template. Currently, you are missing a line break between the hobbies and interests and the appearance section. Fix this and then someone will be able to take a look at Inessa for you.

Deamon wrote: Mon Dec 02, 2024 4:29 pm Currently, you are missing a line break between the hobbies and interests and the appearance section.

Fixed!

I've also made a few major changes such as adding more info about her love of Manga, a few paragraphs about her boyfriend, and her thought about her romantic preferences.

Hey hey, and sorry for the wait. It is I, kermit, and I'll be doing Inessa's critique today. She's off to a pretty good start, but she's currently denied pending some fixes, tweaks, and points of expansion. My inline notes and corrections will be in orange text, because I've now realized using yellow text for this is probably murder on the eyes for people using lighter board skins.

Appearance: Inessa is a 5’6” female of Russian-British descent from her mother’s side and weighs 144 lbs. She is fairly skinny with her body being built in an hourglass-shape. Strangely enough, her slightly tanned body could be the result of her estranged biological father, who's Filipino.

^The above section is all good info to have, however it's structured in a way that makes it a bit difficult to process -- for example, her heritage is partially mentioned in the first sentence, doesn't come up in the second, and then is finished in the third. In order to streamline it, you'll want to revise it so that similar information is grouped with similar information -- stuff about her heritage all grouped together, stuff about her body shape grouped together, etc. Additionally, the sentence about her skin tone's a bit too... speculative, tonally, for a profile. My suggestion there is to merge the mention of her skin tone into a different sentence, without mentioning the link between it and her dad, but including a mention of him in the bit that mentions her mom.

Another quick thing to keep in mind for this part is that "tanned" and "tan" mean two different things. "Tan skin" is a specific tone of skin, while "tanned skin" means someone has a sun tan but isn't indicative of any one specific skin tone. A person born with tan skin can tan their skin, and their tanned skin may not be a color describable as "tan" etc.. Human language is terrible and confusing and personally i think we should just go back to grunting and hitting each other with rocks to communicate as a species

She has bright, blue eyes accompanying a mouth that always seems to smile [What does her nose look like? What's her face's general shape?]. Her hair was originally dark brown, but she had dyed it with a dark blonde coloring; the length of her hair reaches around her waist and is styled in different ways [This comes up again in the next paragraph but in more detail, so you can take this mention out].

Inessa loves to wear clothes inspired by Japanese culture and aesthetics, specifically the Japanese Gyaru and Kogal subcultures. Around school, she’s mostly seen wearing related clothing items such as skirts, button-ups, leg-warmers, stockings, sweaters, cardigans, and loose ties/bows. However, she often wears clothes with blue, light blue, and yellow as primary colors. She always seems to wear a dark green paracord bracelet that was given to her boyfriend. Inessa also routinely changes her hairstyle on different days. These styles range from ponytails, pigtails, space buns, headband braids, braided loop pigtails, braided buns, etc. On the day of the abduction, she wore a white sailor fuku shirt with a blue tie, a yellow cardigan tied around her waist, a knee-length pleated skirt over black slimming shorts, a blue ribbon tied as a hairband, yellow leg warmers, brown leather loafers, and her bracelet. Her hair was left untied.

wrote:Biography: Born in Ohio [What city/town?] on October 15, 2005 [Pregame's set in the first half of 2025, so if she's 18, this'll have to be October 15, 2006], Inessa Highman-Roberts is the child of her stepfather, Merritt Roberts, and her biological mother, Polina Highman. Paige [Polina] was once married to Inessa’s unknown [Bit confused about what you mean by this. If he and Polina were married, then he would be known at least to her. Also, probably a good idea to give him a name.] biological father after graduating college with a bachelor’s degree in Entomology. The couple’s marriage had been going smoothly until Polina had finished all her college courses. She struggled to find a steady job even with her degree and left the two with many expenses in college funds, especially after Polina became pregnant. Because of these payments, Inessa’s biological father had left her mother. With no one else to help her, Polina applied to a trade school in hopes of a degree in computer programming. But along the way, she soon met with Merritt, a college student who would later become a freelance photographer. The two would become married after they've both completed their degrees and Polina gave birth to Inessa.

Throughout her childhood, Inessa was inspired by many of her parent’s achievements. One of these examples was her father’s photography work and the several events in which his photos took place. She had seen most of the photos Merritt had taken, and most included concerts, portraits, and astrophotography. However, she became interested in his earlier works, specifically moments around 2007 in France. These photos included scenic shots of the Lavender Gardens, the Eiffel Tower, Mont-Saint-Michel, Verdon Gorges, and oddly enough, several youth protests [unfortunately, because the youth protests were an actual thing that happened specifically in the year 2006, you're gonna have to change that part. Luckily, protesting is France's national pastime.].

A few other students, however, used this information as an excuse to bully her. Many students would often tease her about her strange interest in insects, even calling her “bug girl.” At first, it started as insults, but it would soon involve physical attacks on her, from pushing to hair tugging. But despite the torment, she remained unbothered by the whole experience and even gained a few childhood friends, especially one young boy named Storm. Whenever she was bullied, he was always there to protect her from harm and would treat her more kindly than the other students. The two soon got to know each other more and developed a childhood love [What does this mean, specifically? Are they just Mutual Super Besties, or are they, like... kids filtering their first crushes through Excited Child Logic and LARPing out romances from Disney movies at recess? Because, like, I had my first kiss when I was 7, but in retrospect I'd have a hard time really classifying that friendship as "love" per say. An imitation of love, yes, but not actual love love.]. However, because of his parent's line of duty [Why? What is it? (i mean, I Kermit know it's the army probably, but not everyone who's gonna be reading the profile will)], his family had to move to another state, leaving Inessa behind. Without his help, the bullies found ways to continue their torment of her, which resulted in her parents finally taking notice and transferring her to another elementary school.

^What about her teachers? Were they aware of this at any point? If the bullying's reaching the stage where she's being physically assaulted, it seems likely that they'd at least try to intervene.

Her time at middle school was cut short due to an unexpected event. During this time, [you can take this bit of phrasing out since it's redundant] Merritt was contacted by an entertainment agency to help sponsor [I believe you may have used the wrong word here. "Sponsor" means "to financially support as an outside party". Based on context I think you're probably looking for something more like "market" or "promote".] their shows. This required Inessa’s family to move from Ohio to Nevada, where they would settle in Las Vegas. The change seemed abrupt, but it had given Inessa a chance to start a new slate and continue her studies at Southwest Red Rock. Because of the new change of scenery, Inessa became joyful with her time at high school. It was even around this time that she would reconnect with her childhood love Storm, who had also attended Red Rock with her, and would evolve their friendship into a romantic relationship. But it was also around this time she started to question her sexual preferences, mainly due to the books she's read. While she loved to read about same-gender relationships, the thought of being into one never crossed her mind.

In school, Inessa had always done her best to perceive [The word you may be looking for here is "portray", "establish", or maybe "endear", not perceive.] herself as a “model student” [these quotes aren't necessary] to others by helping them out with certain tasks and problems.

Paired with her love of a specific taste in manga genres, her taunting became worse. But while she had to face becoming tormented again, she hid the fact from her parents to avoid transferring to another school. Whenever her parents tried to ask if her fellow students caused any problems, she would often lie and hide the fact she was being bullied again, even going as far as hiding any bruises she’d obtained from her physical confrontations [Yikes! Physical violence is a much bigger deal if it's happening in high school than in elementary -- these kids are of an age where they can legally be charged with assault and battery. Either you're gonna need to elaborate on it, or take out the reference to the bruises].

Most of her photos include student portraits and city landscapes similar to her father's. Her works also included wildlife standstills and poses that could be used as character references. With the help of her father, she managed to find seasonal internships for a modeling agency that was a sister company to the studio her dad worked in. She was tasked to take pictures of clothing products and models during her time there and even made connections to other companies from her coworkers.

Some things I'd like expansion on in Inessa's bio:
-Her interest in fashion! She's obviously pretty deep into it, given her usual school outfits, but it isn't mentioned in her bio itself. What does she like about it? How do her parents feel about it? Her bullies target her over her manga preferences, do they target her over her distinctive style choices too?

-There's a big blank stretch in Inessa's life story between her being a baby photographed in France and her entering elementary school. What was her early childhood like? Was she a well-behaved toddler or an evil one? Did she go to preschool?

-COVID! Remember that the lockdown would have happened during her final year of middle school.

-What's Polina up to these days? Is she working? How's she doing? Has she been in any contact with Inessa's biological father since he skedaddled? Also, where did he skedaddle to?

Advantages: Due to her fascination with action-packed anime, Inessa has an idea of how to use certain weapons, specifically those related to the Japanese Edo Period (1603 - 1868) [Gonna have to say no to this first advantage, a familiarity with the use of the weapons in fictional scenarios isn't necessarily going to be knowledge that provides tangible benefit in an actual fight. I have axe-murdered countless zombies in Left 4 Dead, but if I had to do that in real life, I'd be screwed because I've built no muscle memory whatsoever for how to actually hold an axe or use it effectively in a fight.]. And thanks to her boyfriend, Storm, she has some knowledge of how to handle knives. Inessa has potential allies because of her relations with the Student Yearbook and the other clubs she has joined.
Disadvantages: Apart from ["Apart from" feels like the wrong phrase to use here, it means the same thing as "other than". So, right now, this sentence is saying her innocent nature *is* a fighting capability. Which feels like it's probably not the case] her innocent nature, she has no fighting capabilities whatsoever; she wouldn’t be able to fight back against other students. She would, however, try to handle confrontations peacefully rather than violently [Explain why this could be disadvantageous for her.] . She has also become dependent on others, including ["especially" would probably be a better word here to convey what you're going for, instead of "including"] those she considers to be trusted.

Alllrighty, that should be it for this first go around. Post in here once you've done all the edits, and I'll give Inessa's profile its next look over. If you've got any questions/concerns, or if I've completely mucked up on my reading comprehension and told you to do something Completely Dumb based on a misreading, feel free to reach out via Discord or board pm.

Fixed and ready to be reviewed!!

Hey hey, Inessa's looking better, but she's still got a few more minor edits, mostly just some grammar stuff / rephrasing / small additions, before she'll be good to go.

Appearance: Inessa is a 5’6” [what's her race? Her biological father's ethnicity is no longer mentioned, so it's unclear whether she's Caucasian or mixed race)] female of Russian-British descent from her mother’s side and weighs 144 lbs.

Throughout childhood, Inessa had a very comfortable lifestyle with her family, even gaining a few friends during preschool. Merrit had often been sought out to work for others because of his freelance job, and Polina worked as a housewife after she still struggled to find a job with her new degree. While her parents were hard workers, they always found time to spend with their daughter. Her parents would describe her as a curious child who always found new wonders every day. Her classmates also commented on how her kindness to those around her.

The two soon got to know each other better and developed a childhood love because of their friendship, although both ran on Disney movie logic to learn how romance worked [This genuinely made me smile irl, but also unfortunately it's too tonally informal for a profile. Rephrase it like "The two soon got to know each other better and developed a childhood love because of their friendship, both trying to emulate the romances they saw in movies".

Another factor that questioned made her question herself even more was her feelings towards a friend in the school's Anime Club.

Although, [I think I probably missed this on my first go around, but you can take this "although" out] One of the courses she occasionally has trouble with is Spanish. She can write out the language correctly, but she has difficulty speaking the proper words.

Advantages: Thanks to her boyfriend, Storm Strider, she has some knowledge of how to handle knives. Rather than engage in violence, she would always try to resolve conflicts with reason thanks to her student reputation [This is alright to have here, just specify what kind of situation this'll be advantageous in. Reason can work well for resolving conflicts with people who are willing to reason with you, less well when it's day 12 and you're being attacked by Jimmy "The Face Eater" Faceeater or someone else no longer willing to listen to reason.]. Inessa has potential allies because of her relations with the Student Yearbook and the other clubs she has joined.
Disadvantages: Despite her knowledge of knives can prove to be useful [this is already implied since it's in her advantages, so you can take this part out], she has no fighting capabilities due to her innocent nature; she wouldn’t be able to fight back against other students. Her pacifism would also be unfavorable, as it would mark her an easy target. She has also become dependent on others, especially those she considers to be trusted.

Aaand that should be it for this go-around, lemme know when you've done the edits and I'll give her another look over, you know the drill etc.

Updated!!