Page 1 of 1

Michael Goldstein

Posted: Wed Dec 25, 2024 7:17 pm
by Applesintime
Name: Michael Goldstein
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: Senior
School: Southwest Red Rock High School
Hobbies and Interests: Baseball, running, medicine, volunteering, politics

Appearance: Michael stands at 5 '10 and weighs around 145 pounds, with a lean and slightly muscular build thanks to his exercise. He is Caucasian, with a slight tan from spending time outdoors. His arms and legs are covered with small scratches and scrapes built up from his time playing baseball.

His arms and legs are both lightly toned. He has a round face, with thin, arched eyebrows, brown eyes, a Roman nose and thin lips. His ears are large and close to his head. Michael has black hair, cut short with a fringe that covers his forehead.

Michael generally tends to wear a mixture of polo shirts and t-shirts paired with chinos, jeans or shorts, aiming for a mixture of fashion and comfort in the Vegas weather, though sometimes he wears an Aviators jersey to represent his favourite team. If the sun is especially bad, he’ll pair this with a hat to keep it out of his eyes and sometimes a jacket to protect himself from sunburn. Michael generally avoids dark colours, thinking that they will be hotter than lighter colours in the sun.

On the day of the abduction, Michael was wearing a light blue polo shirt with grey buttons, white chinos, red and blue sneakers and a Las Vegas Aviators baseball cap with the team’s logo. On his right wrist he was wearing a Fitbit with a white band.

Biography: Michael Goldstein was born in Las Vegas on the 3rd of March, 2007, to Benjamin and Rhea Goldstein. Benjamin and Rhea were both veterans — Rhea had been a helicopter mechanic in the Navy, while Benjamin served as an Army lawyer. They met at an Nevadan event for Jewish veterans in 2000 and quickly fell in love, marrying a year later and having Michael’s older brother David in 2002. A few years later, they decided they wanted another kid for David to play with, and Michael came soon after.

Michael’s parents both had comfortable jobs. Continuing their careers outside the armed forces, Benjamin was a lawyer and Rhea was a mechanic for a helicopter tour agency, so they were able to bring their sons up in a comfortable middle-class life, settling down in Meadowbrook.
His early childhood was idyllic, his fondest memories being of time spent playing with his brother or going to visit his grandfather Noah, who lived at a local care home.

Michael and David would often try to play baseball together, inspired by the players they saw on the TV. Benjamin was a big fan of baseball and encouraged his children to share his passion in the sport. Without any Major League teams in the area, they rooted for the local team, the Las Vegas 51s, with this fandom continuing into the present day.. The two were also enrolled into Little League baseball, their parents wanting to get them out of the house and doing some exercise. While getting to play in an organised team was fun, Michael still enjoyed the sessions with his brother the most.

Michael and David have always had a close relationship, supporting and confiding in each other. While they don’t get to talk often due to David’s deployment in South Korea and the differing time zones, it’s always a highlight of Michael’s week whenever their schedules line up and they can call, where they’ll gripe about how their week has gone, talk about sports and the news and just generally unwind.

Entering elementary school, Michael was a middle-of-the-pack student, being a fast learner but not really paying enough attention or thought to anything other than baseball. He wanted to become a professional player when he was older, and thought that his grades wouldn’t really matter. This changed in third grade, after his grandfather had a knee replacement surgery. Michael had seen how he struggled to get around with a cane prior to the surgery, and to watch how his movement had recovered was something that amazed him. Noah told him that if he wanted to be a doctor and help people like that, he had to do well at school, and his grades picked up soon after.

This conflicted a little with Benjamin’s idea for his children, which was to pursue a career in the armed forces like he had. On his side of the family, there was a military tradition stretching back over a hundred years and he was keen to keep this tradition going with his own children, nudging them into thinking about becoming a soldier whenever possible. While David was more forthcoming to the idea, Michael was unsure about it, even with his dad noting that there were doctors in the army too. He liked seeing his dad happy, so he went along with it anyway.

Going into middle school, Michael’s position solidified into that of not wanting to join. The thought of possibly having to hurt other people, even if that wasn’t necessarily what he would be doing, wasn’t appealing to him when he could just work as a regular doctor and not have to deal with that possibility. Gradually, he found that the constant poking by his father to join the army now started to irritate him and built up resentment, especially when it wasn’t a career path he was considering at all.

As a result, he started to spend more time with his grandfather, which eventually turned into volunteering to help out at the care home and spend time with the people there once he was old enough to do so. Michael finds it interesting to talk to the other residents at the care home, hearing their stories and getting advice and tips from them and their experience, as well as being able to spend time with Noah. Additionally, he thinks that volunteer work will help bolster his applications to medical school, especially as he intends to pursue a speciality that often works with the elderly.

During middle school, Michael slowly began to push back against the expectations placed on him by his father, culminating in a long, vitriolic and heated argument in the last year of middle school, where they argued about the toxic expectations of his father, Michael not wanting to follow the family traditions and how he couldn’t force him to join the army when his heart was set on medical school. With the heated words and insults involved, this argument was the final straw for Michael, who from then on has made an active effort to avoid his father and the house whenever possible.

Compared to the toxic relationship he has with his father, Michael has a much better relationship with his mother, who wasn’t as pushy about his future and privately encouraged him to follow his dream if that’s what he wanted to do. However, as she never spoke up in his favour when his father was badgering him about it, he still feels a little annoyed at her only showing support when it doesn’t impact the relationship she has with her husband. As a result, he is a little cagey about confiding fully in her.

Nowadays, his relationship with his father has mended, although not entirely. Michael doesn’t try to entirely avoid him anymore and things aren’t as tense as when the argument was fresh, but there’s still a lingering sense of disappointment that manifests in their conversations that makes Michael wary of anything meaningful.

Entering high school, Michael intended to find a club or sports that would give him an excuse to stay out of his house and keep him fit, which led him to the baseball club. After a period of getting reacclimated with the sport — having not played it since when he was in elementary — and trying to figure out what position best suited him now, he eventually settled on the shortstop position and joined the junior varsity team, having worked his way up to being a starter in senior year. He’s a serviceable player, although he is better at catching than he is at hitting.

Around this time, he also took up running after realising that he was starting to run out of stamina before the end of baseball games and wanting to try and improve on that. While he initially started off at the gym, Michael found that he preferred running outside, particularly in the early morning or late at night. The solitude and lack of people around lets him destress and relax, starting or ending the day on a positive note, and he also finds spending some time outside without having an explicit destination fun, as he generally just runs in whatever direction he feels like.

This helped establish his social status in Red Rock, which has settled as someone not quite in the popular crowd, but not quite outside it. Most of his friends base comes from fellow Jews, the baseball team or others with high grades, although he does have friends falling outside those categories. His romantic life has been less successful, although Michael would chalk this up to not really making much of an effort in the first place. Still, he sometimes can’t help but want someone else to connect with.

In terms of grades, Michael is a high scorer, mostly As some and Bs. His top classes tend to be ones that are based around science or being hands-on, with his favourite class being Biology due to its relevance to his planned career. He is in a number of AP classes, with the goal of getting a better understanding of the subjects and also some credits for college. Outside of classes, he also engages in some study groups with like minded peers.

After leaving high school, Michael intends to go to medical school with the ultimate goal of going into the field of orthopedics, stemming from the memory of how a knee replacement had helped his grandfather regain his mobility and independence as a child. Given the current political situation in the US, he is considering going overseas for his education if possible, but he’s unsure as to how feasible this is and also worries that an overseas degree may not be accepted in the American medical system. Another way Michael’s interest in medicine has manifested is in him taking first aid classes, thinking that it’ll be useful if anyone has a medical emergency in public or if someone gets hurt during a baseball game.

Politically, Michael identifies as a liberal, and has become more outspoken about his views in the past year. He is wary of Canon’s rhetoric about migrants and the people he surrounds himself with, heavily disliking him and the Republican Party as a whole, but is also wary of the more left-wing side of the Democrats due to them being what he views as at best, unconcerned with Jewish perspectives and overly willing to promote misinformation and extremists purely because of their political stances. This has led to him having some arguments with fellow students over differing views, although nothing overly heated. During the election, Michael phonebanked for the D’Cruz campaign and was heartbroken when she lost.

Michael was raised in a Conservative Jewish household, but like the rest of his family he is not overly religious, only attending synagogue during religious holidays and not engaging much outside of that— although he will try to eat kosher if possible, finding it an easy way to connect with his religion. He finds the idea of an omnipotent being watching over him and something after death existing comforting, but generally does not think much about the theological side of Judaism.

Advantages: Michael is a physically fit person from a combination of his running and position on the baseball team. He also has some knowledge of first aid.
Disadvantages: Michael can be very stubborn, refusing to back down regardless of the current situation if he believes he’s right. His views on violence are borderline pacifist, and he is unlikely to use violence against anyone unless he has no other option.

Re: Michael Goldstein

Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2025 3:13 pm
by Buko
Firstly, you're about .74 points away from approval.

Hey Apples! It’s Buko/Chad and I’ll be the one looking at Michael for pre-game. I like to begin all my critiques with a little schpeal reminding folks that the profile process is just that—a process. It may take some time and things brought up in later rounds may not be brought up in this one. This isn’t because I’m flexing on you as fantasy football champion, but rather because I’m human and sometimes I might miss things. I prefer to take a conversational tone with my critiques because I believe it allows for me to communicate with the most effectiveness and clarity. Everything said here is said with the goal of making Michael the best product he can be prior to pre-game and to make your eventual island application process as easy as possible. You’ve been through this dance before and so it’s nothing you’re not used to.

With that said, let us get it cracking.

The first section where we’re just filling blanks looks good to me. I only really see issue when we get to the meat and potatoes of the profile.

So first the potatoes and then the meat.

Appearance

Michael stands at 5 '10 and weighs around 145 pounds, with a lean and slightly muscular build thanks to his exercise.

Tiny thing but you’re going to want to write this out as 5’10”.

Michael generally tends to wear a mixture of polo shirts and t-shirts paired with chinos, jeans or shorts, aiming for a mixture of fashion and comfort in the Vegas weather, though sometimes he wears an Aviators jersey to represent his favourite team.

This isn’t so much of a problem in the profile by and large because of the way you’ve chosen to write and deliver prose and that’s a good thing. The issue here is less content and more sentence structure. It’s a bit long, winding and it requests a lot of attention to get comprehension. I think you’re better off splitting these ideas up into two sentences rather than one. This is a critique I could use for a few sentences in this profile and so just keep in mind that you're going to want to rewrite and take a bit of a scalpel to some of these.

This isn't going to keep you from approval but it’s also worth mentioning that in the final apps stage you might be asked to Americanize the grammar. You don’t gotta now, but it’s bonus content DLC for you if you’d like to get the completionist trophy.

Michael generally avoids dark colours, thinking that they will be hotter than lighter colours in the sun.

A little bit of a tense switch here. I think you can rewrite this to make it more explicitly past-tense and to flow better with the appearance in general.

And that’s all I can see this go-round. I like that this is pretty straight forward and direct in it’s delivery. Good job!


Biography

Without any Major League teams in the area, they rooted for the local team, the Las Vegas 51s, with this fandom continuing into the present day..

Extra period here that you wanna take out.

The two were also enrolled into Little League baseball, their parents wanting to get them out of the house and doing some exercise.

There’s about a five-year difference between the two brothers. David wasn’t playing little league before Michael? I think we get more out of and a better illustration of the dynamic by sort of having Michael follow David’s lead and be looking to emulate his older brother’s already established interest. The other solution would be to probably make them closer in age, prolly 2-3 years as opposed to 5.

Michael and David have always had a close relationship, supporting and confiding in each other. While they don’t get to talk often due to David’s deployment in South Korea and the differing time zones, it’s always a highlight of Michael’s week whenever their schedules line up and they can call, where they’ll gripe about how their week has gone, talk about sports and the news and just generally unwind.

This paragraph is too short, and this second sentence is too long. I think you can serve us here by giving us more context to David’s current status. I understand not wanting to cover this right now because of the way the biography is laid out chronologically, but we get into a bit of a whiplash here information wise that doesn’t make sense. You can talk about the brother’s dynamic historically and also give us present context within this same paragraph.

Michael had seen how he struggled to get around with a cane prior to the surgery, and to watch how his movement had recovered was something that amazed him. Noah told him that if he wanted to be a doctor and help people like that, he had to do well at school, and his grades picked up soon after.

Saw works better than ‘had seen’ here. In general, I think you can smooth this sentence out a bit more. This profile is benefitted by the sort of matter-of-fact and direct tone you take within it and so longer sentences tend to read a bit jarring. You can clean it up a little bit and it’d read smoother.

On that note, we kind of drop the “Noah told him that if he wanted to be a doctor” without being told that Michael wants to be a doctor. Shortening the sentences and keeping within that directness can give us a bit more detail and context. But you do have to contextualize and breadcrumb the information here so it reads more like an actual written profile and less like a sudden recitation of bullet points.

During middle school, Michael slowly began to push back against the expectations placed on him by his father, culminating in a long, vitriolic and heated argument in the last year of middle school, where they argued about the toxic expectations of his father, Michael not wanting to follow the family traditions and how he couldn’t force him to join the army when his heart was set on medical school.

Take a breath. You gotta split these sentences up a little bit. Try reading the work aloud and focusing on simple, succinct sentences to aid more in clarity and keep up with the tone that we’re doing so good in hitting. This is a pattern throughout the profile a bit and I don’t know how productive it is to point out every instance. A rule of thumb I have is that if I’m not writing a list and I’ve used more than one comma—it’s prolly time to end this sentence. Try applying that to this work when you can. Periods are your friend.

With the heated words and insults involved, this argument was the final straw for Michael, who from then on has made an active effort to avoid his father and the house whenever possible.

"From then on" is then taken back and contradicted a paragraph later. Let’s just give a few months here because we’re dealing with a thirteen-fourteen-year-old boy with limited transportation and ways to avoid home. On that note—how is he avoiding home? Is it baseball with friends? Is it more volunteering? Let’s pull on this thread a bit more. My point here is to approach this incident as if it has already past rather than it being something that is presently being addressed. Give us the context of this 'bad time' and why it was bad without giving us permanence that the rest of the biography does not support.

After a period of getting reacclimated with the sport — having not played it since when he was in elementary — and trying to figure out what position best suited him now, he eventually settled on the shortstop position and joined the junior varsity team, having worked his way up to being a starter in senior year.

You already prolly know this sentence can use some restructuring and rewriting, but also, why hasn’t he played since elementary school? This then goes back to our five year difference between Michael and David. David would be leaving elementary as Michael was beginning elementary school. I don’t see a reason for either of them to stop playing baseball, especially because their parents are probably invested both in terms of money and identity of shuttling these two kids around and attending little league games.

I think the out here has already been provided, Michael has spent more time volunteering and prefers that to sport. This also sort of goes into the conflict with his father in middle school and it dying down in high school. “That boy ain’t right, but at least he’s playing ball”. Overall, I think we can smooth these things out so my questions are answered rather than my concerns and skepticism raised.

In terms of grades, Michael is a high scorer, mostly As some and Bs.
Much like with the run-on sentences, the solution here is to read the profile aloud while you review. But also, I assume you want to go ‘mostly As and some Bs’.

Michael was raised in a Conservative Jewish household, but like the rest of his family he is not overly religious, only attending synagogue during religious holidays and not engaging much outside of that— although he will try to eat kosher if possible, finding it an easy way to connect with his religion. He finds the idea of an omnipotent being watching over him and something after death existing comforting, but generally does not think much about the theological side of Judaism.

This paragraph is fine, but I’d probably switch it’s place with the previous in terms of closing the profile out. The way that this is included makes it seem a bit like a footnote and the political stuff, along with the phone banking, fit in with the chronology of the biography.


Advantages & Disadvantages

His views on violence are borderline pacifist, and he is unlikely to use violence against anyone unless he has no other option.

Call me an optimist, but I believe most people are unlikely to use violence against anyone unless they have another option. Not really an advantage. I think this fits more in line with both his desire to not be in the army and being an actual disadvantage if we make him repulsed to violence and having a hard line against it.

That’s just one angle and suggestion, you can choose a different one if you’d like to just cut this.


And that’s all for this go round! The main thing is expanding and providing context when asked and shortening the sentences/eliminating the run-ons throughout. Thank you for the patience in waiting this long and also Happy Edits! If you have any questions feel free to reach out to me via Discord DM, board PM or smoke signal! In that order!