Survival Of The Fittest

Gaming, programming and game design

A 5'8", 165-pound male with slightly dark brown skin.

He has a chubby, round face with a rounded head.

His hair, naturally black, is typically combed to the side.

His casual wear consists of novelty T-shirts, his pants are usually brown and untucked.

He always wears white sneakers.

At the time of the abduction, he was dressed in a light blue camouflage long-sleeved shirt shirt over a novelty T-shirt

His usual attire includes novelty t-shirts, khaki pants, and black sneakers.

Born on September 10th, 2006. Youngest brother of the Hernandez Guerrero family with two older brothers, Samuel Hernandez Guerrero being four years older than him and Miguel Hernandez Guerrero being five years older.

His mother has been working in a management position at a mid-scale insurance company

and his father has been a janitor at the Area 52 entertainment center for the last five.

His grandfather, Miguel Hernandez Javier, was a software programmer who retired from Microsoft in 2015.

As a toddler he was largely curious about the world

as a young child his older brothers would often ignore him, not knowing how to interact with their brother with a five-year gap instead of the two-year gap the older brothers had.

Juan has unmedicated Predominantly hyperactive/impulsive ADHD and is high functioning, diagnosed to him at ten years old after a string of suspensions for being hyperactive and clingy towards his older brothers and few friends during his elementary school years, often talking to other students at inappropriate times, this made it hard for him to socialize with people his age and older because of his way of speaking and personality, causing trouble in his academic career as he has a tendency to turn rushed or incomplete work, often forgetting entire subjects existed before checking his timecards.

Juan has unmedicated predominantly hyperactive-impulsive ADHD and is high-functioning.

diagnosed to him at ten years old

after a string of suspensions for being hyperactive and clingy towards his older brothers and few friends during his elementary school years, often talking to other students at inappropriate times,

this made it hard for him to socialize with people his age and older because of his way of speaking and personality,

causing trouble in his academic career as he had a tendency to turn in rushed or incomplete work,

often forgetting entire subjects existed before checking his timecards.

Growing up Juan had a small but loyal group of friends through elementary and middle school, mostly with other kids who were interested in video games and technology like him.

At the end of middle school, when he was thirteen, 2020 hit and he was forced to have online classes,

his parents bought him a new laptop and his grades rapidly deteriorated as he found it difficult to focus on the online classes while having access to a computer with internet access.

Before this he had controlled screen time

He began with simple flash-like games before moving over to making bigger, complete yet still simple video games, like a first-person shooter he's currently developing called “Skibidi toilet shooter” under the banner “rizzman studios”.

He also wasted his time playing whatever free games he could get his hands on.

He is a constant YouTube shorts user, especially having an interest in memes and technology content.

Some struggles from the 2020 pandemic still linger on in his appearance, like the weight he gained and how he began to care less and less about his physical appearance.

Ever since he entered high school at age fourteen he began to have mixed feelings about it

Ever since he entered high school at age 14 he began to have mixed feelings about it, on on hand he knew he needed to mature, to stop being so childish and start acting his age, what for him meant distancing himself from people he saw as being ‘immature’ and further isolating himself, and on the other he feels like he needs to enjoy his last days as a teenager with rather little responsibilities and tries to have fun, seeking happiness and dopamine in any way that doesn't involve too much physical work.

Further leading him into being chronically online.

In high school he's a fairly average student, getting Bs and As in most subjects. He is usually isolating himself until he actually takes time to meet someone, in which case he can usually be clingy. He spends most of his time both online and in person either alone or with a small group of people.

Gundham wrote: Wed Jan 29, 2025 2:16 pm Hi there! I'm Gundham. I critique profiles. You're Gabriel. You write profiles. It's a match made in Sheboygan.

I know you're revved up and raring to go, but Juanito's Not Approved Yet pending a few edits.

So, I usually start with general notes. But I'm gonna start off with a compliment instead. This was a good profile. It was entertaining to read, you had very good and consistent characterization for Juan, and you're clearly excited to bring this character to life. So I want to be very clear here, because I'm going to be making a lot of notes and suggesting some things, but almost none of them are concerns about Juan as a character or whether he's realistic. Absolute thumbs-up for that. That is like, 80% of the battle here.

What I *am* going to harping on a lot here, though, is grammar and sentence structure, that kind of thing. These are the skills that will make Juan's profile look good for anybody who's looking to thread with him, and will your posts look better when you're writing them.

So, the first round of general criticism is gonna be global corrections. These are things that apply to the whole profile, and should be done everywhere.

I'm going to give you two recommendations. These are things I'd generally recommend to every handler, for every profile, but I think they'd be particularly helpful in your case.

The first thing I'm going to strongly recommend for you is to read the profile out loud. If you aren't comfortable doing that, then plug it into a text-to-speech program and listen to it. You've got some sentences that aren't quite properly formed, and hearing them out loud makes it way easier to spot them and fix them. This kind of thing is a skill, and you develop it like any other: with practice. Learning to hear and weed out awkward sentences takes a while, but it's an invaluable skill to have.

Secondly, take a look at some of the profiles we've already approved, and see how those handlers are writing things. That'll give you a good idea of what they're including, but also how they're conveying the information. And that'll put you in good stead for future profile writing.

There are also some minor global fixes that need doing. These fixes apply to the entire profile, and require minor tweaks to multiple paragraphs.

First, in every new paragraph Juan's name should be used in place of a "he," "him," or "his." In general, a paragraph contains a complete idea on a topic. When we're done talking about that idea, the paragraph ends, and we talk about something else. But if you're still using "he" or "him," you're basically carrying over the same thought from the previous paragraph, even though you're changing topics.

Second, you have Juan's first surname spelled as "Hernández" in the thread title and his listed name in the profile. You spell it as "Hernandez" everywhere else in the profile. You need to make this consistent. Either the accented á needs to be present everywhere, or it needs to be completely removed.

Go do those things, then come back. Shouldn't be too long. Then read on from here.

Back already? Great!

Now let's get into the profile as a whole. This is going to be a fairly comprehensive readthrough, but as I always say going into these things, don't get hung up on the length or the intensity of the feedback here. Profile writing is a special and stylized process, and almost nobody gets it perfect. What I'm doing here is never about making you feel bad or telling you you did things wrong, it's about trying to show you how you can improve on the skills you already have, and teach you good practices so you can develop as a stronger writer.

Let's get to it!

Under activities, you listed this.

Gaming, programming and game design

Because of the weird way that "design" functions as a verb, you would almost never use the phrase "game designing." It would either be "designing games" or "game design." You probably also want to specify for both gaming and design that it is video/computer games that he's playing/designing. For all the reader knows, he could be designing board cames, card games, etc.

A 5'8", 165-pound male with slightly dark brown skin.

So, this is where hearing the profile out loud would really help you, and where reading other profiles could also help. Profiles are always written with a narrative sentence structure, and they need to be written in complete sentences. To be a complete sentence, you would need to say, "Juan is a 5'8", 165-pound male with slightly dark brown skin."

- Additionally, what race/nationality is Juan? From context I assume he's Hispanic or Latino, but it's important to specify that for your readers. (And names are not always indicative of ethnicity, either. For instance, we had a Juanita last version and she was Irish).

He has a chubby, round face with a rounded head.

You've got "round" and "rounded' in the same sentence here, which doesn't flow well. I'd recommend deleting the bit about his head shape all together, since it's more or less already implied by the description of his face.

Can we get a bit more desciption on his eyes - are they large, medium? Does he have heavy eyelashes?

Same goes for the lips, what's his mouth generally look like, aside from the teeth? What's his neutral facial expression like? Does he avoid smiling because of the teeth?

His hair, naturally black, is typically combed to the side.

Right or left side? Is his hair naturally straight?

His casual wear consists of novelty T-shirts, his pants are usually brown and untucked.

The T in "T-shirts" should be capitalized.

When you're explaining which things are contained in a specific category (in this case, his casual wear), you wouldn't use the phrase "is of." You'd say "consists of" or more likely, "normally consists of," unless he's wearing them in literally every casual situation.

Also, his pants are usually untucked from... what? If the implication is that his shirts aren't tucked into his pants, or his pants aren't tucked into his socks, feel free to just delete that bit. T-shirts are almost never tucked into pants these days, and pants generally aren't tucked into socks, so it wouldn't be unusual for him not to do it.

He always wears white sneakers.

Always make sure the first letter of your sentences is capitalized.

At the time of the abduction, he was dressed in a light blue camouflage long-sleeved shirt shirt over a novelty T-shirt

Profiles generally purport to be information amassed on your character by the terrorist faction. They're written rather formally, so they wouldn't use slang like "camo" and would use the full form of the word. Also, "Long-sleeved" is the description you'd use for a shirt like this.

Also also, what color was the novelty T-shirt?

His usual attire includes novelty t-shirts, khaki pants, and black sneakers.

Not sure why this line was included, since we already got this information in an earlier sentence, and it was already specified that he wears brown pants and white sneakers.

Born on September 10th, 2006. Youngest brother of the Hernandez Guerrero family with two older brothers, Samuel Hernandez Guerrero being four years older than him and Miguel Hernandez Guerrero being five years older.

Neither of these is a full sentence, and they will both need to be altered.

You also don't need to include the brothers' surnames, since we can probably assume that if Juan's last name is Hernandez Guerrero, and his brothers are in the Hernandez Guererro family, that their surnames will also be Hernandez Guerrero.

You'll basically want to express this as something like, "Juan was born on September 10th, 2006. He has two older brothers, Samuel and Miguel, who are four and five years older than him, respectively."

The bit about him being the youngest brother can be left out. We know he has two brothers, we know they're older than him, so we know that he's the youngest brother by default.

His mother has been working in a management position at a mid-scale insurance company

When you're writing a two-word descriptor like this, you generally want a hyphen between the words. This is called an adjectival hyphen. You especially always want to do this when one of the words isn't generally a word in and of itself, such as "mid-" or "-esque."

and his father has been a janitor at the Area 52 entertainment center for the last five.

The very tenses are a bit weird here. You're using the past-tense form "has been" for the mother, but the present/ongoing form "being" for the father, and that doesn't work. So change "being" to "has been" and that will be correct.

His grandfather, Miguel Hernandez Javier, was a software programmer who retired from Microsoft in 2015.

This is another sentence that would have benefitted from being read out loud, because you've got "retired" here twice, and it's phrased a bit awkwardly. When writing, try to think how you would actually convey this information if you were going to say it out loud to someone. You generally wouldn't say that someone "retired in 2015 from Microsoft," you'd say they "retired from Microsoft in 2015."

As a toddler he was largely curious about the world

You can't be curious "of" things, but you can be curious about them.

as a young child his older brothers would often ignore him, not knowing how to interact with their brother with a five-year gap instead of the two-year gap the older brothers had.

This... doesn't really feel like how a kid would approach that situation. They might find Juan boring, or think he's too much of a baby to play with them, but they probably wouldn't couch it in terms of not knowing how to interact with him.

I would probably recommend just saying something like, "as a young child his brothers would often ignore him due to the age gap between them."

Juan has unmedicated Predominantly hyperactive/impulsive ADHD and is high functioning, diagnosed to him at ten years old after a string of suspensions for being hyperactive and clingy towards his older brothers and few friends during his elementary school years, often talking to other students at inappropriate times, this made it hard for him to socialize with people his age and older because of his way of speaking and personality, causing trouble in his academic career as he has a tendency to turn rushed or incomplete work, often forgetting entire subjects existed before checking his timecards.

So, this is where reading out loud would have come in clutch, because this is all one massive sentence. In general, you want your sentences to be short enough to be said out loud in a single breath. They can be shorter than that, but you really don't want them to be longer. (For context, I tried reading this one out loud, I lost most of my voice by "clingy" and was completely out of breath by "inappopriate times.")

I said up at the top that paragraphs are ideas. Sentences are the individual thoughts that build up that idea. You can have thoughts that flow from one another and change direction, which we usually mark with a comma, but you generally only want to do that once or twice in a single sentence. Here, you're doing it here five separate times. Rather than changing your train of thought five times, you're going to break this up into separate sentences so that those thoughts are self-contained.

There's a lot here, so, let's break it down.

Juan has unmedicated predominantly hyperactive-impulsive ADHD and is high-functioning.

This can be a sentence by itself, because it contains a fairly complete thought. There's no reason to capitalize "predominantly" unless it's part of the name of the condition. Also, the name of the condition uses a hyphen, not a slash.

If Juan isn't medicated, why not? His mother is a manager at an insurance firm, and presumably would have some kind of insurance coverage. If Juan's behavior is bad enough that he's getting suspended, why wouldn't they medicate him - or, for that matter, fix his teeth?

diagnosed to him at ten years old

I would make this into its own sentence, and put it at the beginning of the paragraph. You could combine it with the first sentence like this: "At ten years old, Juan was diagnosed with high-functioning hyperactive-impulsive ADHD." This tells the reader immediately whereabouts we are in Juan's timeline, and establishes the idea we're discussing for the rest of the paragraph.

after a string of suspensions for being hyperactive and clingy towards his older brothers and few friends during his elementary school years, often talking to other students at inappropriate times,

This bit can be its own sentence. You can safely lose the bit about being clingy, since it's not something that the school would be suspending him for, and his friends are discussed in the next paragraph.

Also, why was the school suspending him? That seems like a pretty extreme measure for a kid who's kind of hyper and talks up in class a lot. They'd probably be talking with his parents and recommending a formal diagnosis long before they'd move to suspensions.

this made it hard for him to socialize with people his age and older because of his way of speaking and personality,

This can also be its own sentence, but you'll want to use additional sentences to give a bit more information on his way of speaking and personality. Neither of those has been defined yet, so it's not clear why he's having any difficulty socializing with people. You can remove "and older" since it's not really necessary to specify, and it would give the weird implication that Juan can socialize just fine with anybody who's less than ten years old.

causing trouble in his academic career as he had a tendency to turn in rushed or incomplete work,

This needs to be made into a sentence. Also, "Academic career" is a strange way to describe this. That term usually refers to college studies or grad school, not elementary school. It'd be more accurate to say "his grades" or "his studies" instead.

often forgetting entire subjects existed before checking his timecards.

I'm not entirely sure what the implication is here. If Juan's so scatterbrained that he straight up forgets that he's even in English, that's probably a bit more than ADHD, and it's safe to say he wouldn't be retaining anything at all in those classes. At that point he'd almost certainly need an IEP or an educational assistant.

Growing up Juan had a small but loyal group of friends through elementary and middle school, mostly with other kids who were interested in video games and technology like him.

A bit more redundancy here. You're referring to the elementary and middle school period of Juan's life, so "growing up" doesn't tell us anything new. The reference to "other kids" who were interested in video games tells us that Juan is interested in them, so "like him" isn't necessary either.

At the end of middle school, when he was thirteen, 2020 hit and he was forced to have online classes,

When you're expressing a number of things that is less than 101, you pretty much always want to use the word, not the numeral. This is especially true for ages.

Additionally, middle school ends at the end of ninth grade, so Juan wouldn't be finishing it in 2020. Lockdowns also didn't start at the end of the year or the school year, they started in Nevada in March. Easiest way to fix this would be to just say, "Juan was thirteen in 2020, when Covid-19 hit and he was forced to take online classes."

his parents bought him a new laptop and his grades rapidly deteriorated as he found it difficult to focus on the online classes while having access to a computer with internet access.

You've got the word "access" here twice. Find a way to reword the sentence and replace one of them.

Before this he had controlled screen time

This sentence needs a period at the end of it. If Juan was having trouble focusing on his classes, wouldn't his parents want to control his screen time even more, to make sure he was keeping up with his studies?

He began with simple flash-like games before moving over to making bigger, complete yet still simple video games, like a first-person shooter he's currently developing called “Skibidi toilet shooter” under the banner “rizzman studios”.

"First-person" needs an adjectival hyphen.

If Juan canonically isn't very good with capitals then it's fine to keep the game title and the banner as they are, but if that's not an intentional decision, they should be "Skibidi Toilet Shooer" and "Rizzman Studios," respectively.

He also wasted his time playing whatever free games he could get his hands on.

"Had his hands on" would imply that he's physically touching copies of games. But you want to say that he's acquiring whatever games he can get, so you'd say "could get his hands on."

He is a constant YouTube shorts user, especially having an interest in memes and technology content.

This is a bit nitpicky, but is "user" the right term here? I think "viewer" is probably a better fit, at least for YouTube.

Some struggles from the 2020 pandemic still linger on in his appearance, like the weight he gained and how he began to care less and less about his physical appearance.

This sentence is phrased kind of awkwardly, and you've got the word "appearance" twice.

Ever since he entered high school at age fourteen he began to have mixed feelings about it

What does "it" refer to in this context? If it's meant to refer to his appearance, you'll have to alter the previous paragraph and put that sentence in this one. Remember, paragraphs express complete ideas. They're independent from one another, so "it" can't refer to something in a different paragraph, and needs to be defined.

Ever since he entered high school at age 14 he began to have mixed feelings about it, on on hand he knew he needed to mature, to stop being so childish and start acting his age, what for him meant distancing himself from people he saw as being ‘immature’ and further isolating himself, and on the other he feels like he needs to enjoy his last days as a teenager with rather little responsibilities and tries to have fun, seeking happiness and dopamine in any way that doesn't involve too much physical work.

This is another massive sentence, and it needs to be split up. Figure out where the individual thoughts are, and use periods to make this into at least three sentences.

Further leading him into being chronically online.

This is a sentence fragment, and needs to be made into a complete sentence.

In high school he's a fairly average student, getting Bs and As in most subjects. He is usually isolating himself until he actually takes time to meet someone, in which case he can usually be clingy. He spends most of his time both online and in person either alone or with a small group of people.

I'm using this sentence as a demo for how to split a long sentence into complete thoughts. The first thought is about Juan's grades. Then we use a period, because we've stopped talking about that and now we're talking about how Juan isolates himself until he takes the time to meet someone. Then we're switching topics again, to talk about how Juan spends his time, so we need another period to make a new sentence about that.

Also, there was a strange apostrophe in "he's," for some reason.

- For advantages and disadvantages, those will need to be complete sentences, and you will need to provide some level of detail. This is something I'd recommend reading other profiles to get a handle on what we're looking for. You basically would want this to look something like, "Juan has good endurance because (insert reason), and has developed a high pain tolerance from (insert reason)," "Juan struggles with social interaction, and tends to annoy people. His insecurities could cause (insert social consequence). He's also very overweight and unathletic, which could (insert physical consequence)."

You'll also need to find a way to include things in the profile to explain how Juan has these advantages and disadvantages. We know that he's overweight and why, but how did he develop good endurance? Isn't that usually something you'd need to have at least a little bit of athletics to get? So if he's got that as a strength, how did he get it? How do we know he has a high pain tolerance? Did he get into a lot of scraps with his brothers? Find places to insert some mention of these kinds of things, so that the reader can clearly see why Juan would have these positive and negative traits going into the game.

-----------

And that's the end! I know that this was a lot. But I want to leave you off on an encouraging note here. You have built a great foundation here. You've got a clear idea of who Juan is and what he's interested in, and you've clearly done some homework here to try and get in good shape. I know that it's overwhelming to look at some of this and go "Bwuahh?!" at all the change requests. But I want to be clear that a lot of what I've noted down here is little things and nitpicks and tweaks that won't take you a lot of time. A lot of the things I'm flagging are stuff that you honestly might not even have taken in school yet. I used to be a grading assistant for college essays, and even second- and third-year students are making these kinds of errors. You're doing really well for someone in your age category, and everything I'm saying here isn't to be like, "How dare you not already know this," but for me to say, "Hey, I saw this thing, and it's not entirely correct, and I want to give you a bit of teaching on how this works and why, so that you can improve on that in the future." Not lecturing, just friendly guidance to help you develop some skills. I hope that it helps, and that you're able to make those edits and feel proud of what you're creating here.

I do have a few things that I'd eventually like to expand upon, but I'll save them for the next round, so you can focus more on making these edits.

Once you've done so, feel free to message me and I'll come back for another whack at it! And, as always, if you have any questions or concersns, feel free to message me and we'll get it figured out. Until then, good luck!

His mother has been working in a management position at a middle scale insurance company for the last ten years and his father being a janitor at the Area 52 entertainment center for the last three.

His mother has been working in a management position at a mid-scale insurance company for the last ten years and his father has been a janitor at the Area 52 entertainment center for the last three.

Gundham wrote: Wed Feb 12, 2025 8:37 am Hi there!

So, in looking over this profile again, a lot of the edits in the biography and the appearance section are still missing. As has been stated a few times both here and in chat, if you're having difficulties with this process, reach out to me, and I'll help you figure it out. That's what I'm here for.

I'm just going to clarify some things about the process here. When I go through your app, I'm going to put problem sentences in quotes, like this:

His mother has been working in a management position at a middle scale insurance company for the last ten years and his father being a janitor at the Area 52 entertainment center for the last three.

I'm then going to go into that quote block and make corrections. Those corrections will be in bold. Like this:

His mother has been working in a management position at a mid-scale insurance company for the last ten years and his father has been a janitor at the Area 52 entertainment center for the last three.

I will also include a brief commentary saying what I've fixed, how/why I've fixed it, and what you should know so that you can avoid making similar mistakes in your future writing, like this: "When you're writing a two-word descriptor like "middle-scale", you generally want a hyphen between the words. This is called an adjectival hyphen. You'd generally say "mid-scale" instead of "middle-scale" in this context. Also, because the rest of the sentence is written in past tense, you need to change "being" to "has been" when describing the father's job."

In most cases, to get a sentence approved, literally all you have to do is edit the profile to match what's in the quote blocks I'm giving you. You can literally copy/paste it, if you like. The bold bits are there to tell you exactly what needs to be changed and what it should look like, so you're basically getting the approval cheat codes handed to you. But if what I'm suggesting doesn't really suit your writing style, it's fine to take some artistic license and find another way of rewording the sentence(s) and make them your own, but ignoring the feedback isn't going to fly. Problem sentences can't stay as they are.

Note that I said "most" cases, and not "all" cases. That's because there are other times where I'm going to ask you for more details, or I'm going ask you to rethink things and make revisions for realism, etc. Read the commentary carefully. It's there to make you a stronger writer moving forward, and to help you have a better time when you're writing in the RP with other handlers.

So, with all of that said, please go through my first list of recommended edits, and make all of the changes. If there's anything you're having trouble understanding, reach out to me and I will be happy to help.

Additionally, what race/nationality is Juan?

Can we get a bit more desciption on his eyes - are they large, medium? Does he have heavy eyelashes?

Same goes for the lips, what's his mouth generally look like, aside from the teeth? What's his neutral facial expression like? Does he avoid smiling because of the teeth?

Is his hair naturally straight?

His casual wear consists of novelty T-shirts, his pants are usually brown and untucked.

When you're explaining which things are contained in a specific category (in this case, his casual wear), you wouldn't use the phrase "is of." You'd say "consists of" or more likely, "normally consists of," unless he's wearing them in literally every casual situation.

and his father has been a janitor at the Area 52 entertainment center for the last five.

The very tenses are a bit weird here. You're using the past-tense form "has been" for the mother, but the present/ongoing form "being" for the father, and that doesn't work. So change "being" to "has been" and that will be correct.

His grandfather, Miguel Hernandez Javier, was a software programmer who retired from Microsoft in 2015.

This is another sentence that would have benefitted from being read out loud, because you've got "retired" here twice, and it's phrased a bit awkwardly. When writing, try to think how you would actually convey this information if you were going to say it out loud to someone. You generally wouldn't say that someone "retired in 2015 from Microsoft," you'd say they "retired from Microsoft in 2015."

As a toddler he was largely curious about the world

You can't be curious "of" things, but you can be curious about them.

as a young child his older brothers would often ignore him, not knowing how to interact with their brother with a five-year gap instead of the two-year gap the older brothers had.

This... doesn't really feel like how a kid would approach that situation. They might find Juan boring, or think he's too much of a baby to play with them, but they probably wouldn't couch it in terms of not knowing how to interact with him.

I would probably recommend just saying something like, "as a young child his brothers would often ignore him due to the age gap between them."

Juan has Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive ADHD and is high functioning, diagnosed to him at ten years old after a string of calls and talks with Juan's parents for being hyperactive and clingy towards His older brothers and few friends during Juan's elementary school years. Often talking to other students at inappropriate times, this made it hard for him to socialize with people his age and older because of Juan's way of speaking and personality. Causing trouble in his school life as Juan has a tendency to turn in rushed or incomplete work, often forgetting the order and schedule of subjects before checking his timecards.

Juan began with simple games before moving over to making bigger, complete yet still simple video games, like a first-person shooter Juan's currently developing called “Skibidi toilet shooter” under the banner “rizzman studios”.

Ever since he entered high school at age fourteen he began to have mixed feelings about it

Further leading him into using social media as escapism.

Juan is usually isolating himself until he actually takes time to meet someone, in which case Juan can usually be clingy, spending most of his time both online and in person with a small group of people or alone.

- For advantages and disadvantages, those will need to be complete sentences, and you will need to provide some level of detail.

Gundham wrote: Fri Mar 14, 2025 9:28 am Apologies for the wait. I'll be more prompt in addressing these things in the future, but there are still a large number of changes that have not been made. I will itemize them for you.

Additionally, what race/nationality is Juan?

This has not been added.

Can we get a bit more desciption on his eyes - are they large, medium? Does he have heavy eyelashes?

This has not been added.

Same goes for the lips, what's his mouth generally look like, aside from the teeth? What's his neutral facial expression like? Does he avoid smiling because of the teeth?

This has not been added.

Is his hair naturally straight?

This has not been added.

His casual wear consists of novelty T-shirts, his pants are usually brown and untucked.

When you're explaining which things are contained in a specific category (in this case, his casual wear), you wouldn't use the phrase "is of." You'd say "consists of" or more likely, "normally consists of," unless he's wearing them in literally every casual situation.

This change has not been made.

and his father has been a janitor at the Area 52 entertainment center for the last five.

The very tenses are a bit weird here. You're using the past-tense form "has been" for the mother, but the present/ongoing form "being" for the father, and that doesn't work. So change "being" to "has been" and that will be correct.

This change has not been made.

His grandfather, Miguel Hernandez Javier, was a software programmer who retired from Microsoft in 2015.

This is another sentence that would have benefitted from being read out loud, because you've got "retired" here twice, and it's phrased a bit awkwardly. When writing, try to think how you would actually convey this information if you were going to say it out loud to someone. You generally wouldn't say that someone "retired in 2015 from Microsoft," you'd say they "retired from Microsoft in 2015."

This change has not been made.

As a toddler he was largely curious about the world

You can't be curious "of" things, but you can be curious about them.

This change has not been made.

as a young child his older brothers would often ignore him, not knowing how to interact with their brother with a five-year gap instead of the two-year gap the older brothers had.

This... doesn't really feel like how a kid would approach that situation. They might find Juan boring, or think he's too much of a baby to play with them, but they probably wouldn't couch it in terms of not knowing how to interact with him.

I would probably recommend just saying something like, "as a young child his brothers would often ignore him due to the age gap between them."

You've... sort of changed this a bit? You still kept the bit about them "not knowing how to interact with him," which was the bit that was problematic, since that's not really how kids think. At this point, it's not worth quibbling over any more.

Juan has Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive ADHD and is high functioning, diagnosed to him at ten years old after a string of calls and talks with Juan's parents for being hyperactive and clingy towards His older brothers and few friends during Juan's elementary school years. Often talking to other students at inappropriate times, this made it hard for him to socialize with people his age and older because of Juan's way of speaking and personality. Causing trouble in his school life as Juan has a tendency to turn in rushed or incomplete work, often forgetting the order and schedule of subjects before checking his timecards.

Okay, so. I asked you to split it into different sentences, and you did do that, so thank you for following through on that. However, the sentences need to be reworded to be complete sentences. I'm going to give you a very simple step by step to fix it. You should to do the following things:

- Uncapitalize "predominantly."
- End the first sentence after "high functioning."
- Change "diagnosed to him" to "He was diagnosed"
- Uncapitalize "his older brothers."
- Give us more information on Juan's "way of speaking" and "personality." Why are either of those things causing him hardships? What specific things is he doing or saying that are rubbing people the wrong way?
- Delete the words "Causing trouble in his school life as." That will make the sentence into a complete sentence and save you some headache.

Juan began with simple games before moving over to making bigger, complete yet still simple video games, like a first-person shooter Juan's currently developing called “Skibidi toilet shooter” under the banner “rizzman studios”.

"First-person" needs to be hyphenated.

Ever since he entered high school at age fourteen he began to have mixed feelings about it

His age needs to use the word, not the number.

Further leading him into using social media as escapism.

This is a sentence fragment, and needs to be made into a complete sentence. If you're not sure what I mean by that, feel free to ask me.

Juan is usually isolating himself until he actually takes time to meet someone, in which case Juan can usually be clingy, spending most of his time both online and in person with a small group of people or alone.

The word "he" should not be capitalized here.

- For advantages and disadvantages, those will need to be complete sentences, and you will need to provide some level of detail.

You've done this for the advantages section, but the disadvantages are not written in complete sentences.

Finally, I noticed that you have removed several paragraphs from the biography section, and deleted most of the advantages and disadvantages. That's certainly your prerogative if you want to cut things out, but as a result, the profile is missing a lot of information. There are a few things that you will need to give details on. Each of these things should be explained in one or more sentences, preferrably in full paragraphs.

- How did Juan get the nickname "Juanito" and who calls him that?
- What was Juan's social life like during elementary school and middle school?
- What is Juan's relationship with his family like right now?
- Why is Juan overweight? Has he done anything to try and correct it (diet, exercise, etc)?
- How does Juan feel about his weight, or his appearance generally? If he cares, what's he doing about it? If he doesn't care, why not?
- What is Juan's love life/dating life like? If he has had relationships, what did they look like?
- How did Juan discover video games? What are some specific games he likes, and why?
- Why does Juan want to make his own video game?
- Why does Juan wear novelty T-shirts? How did he start dressing like that, and why does he keep doing it?
- How does Juan feel about his ADHD?
- What does Juan do when he's not gaming?
- What does Juan want to do after high school?

While you're writing these, I want to strongly recommend you run things through Grammarly and/or Google Documents' spell check feature. That will cut down on a ton of errors and make this process much smoother for you.

Once you make all of those changes and make the necessary additions, post here and I will take another look.

Can we get a bit more desciption on his eyes - are they large, medium? Does he have heavy eyelashes?

Juan’s nickname of Juanito is the way his parents called him since he was a little kid. Other kids at school picked it up since they always call out Juanito when picking him up, they only have one car that the whole family shares and most of the time his father uses it for work.

Ever since he was a little kid Juan has been energetic and curious about the world around him, especially technology.

Juan has predominantly hyperactive-impulsive ADHD and is high functioning. He was diagnosed at ten years old after a string of calls and talks with Juan's parents for being hyperactive and clingy towards his older brothers and few friends during Juan's elementary school years.

Often talking to other students at inappropriate times about topics completely unrelated to the subject at hand, this made it hard for him to socialize with people his age because of his personality, being a loud talker who is usually bluntly honest about everything he thinks about yet also being a doormat when it comes to orders, specially of those he considers to be more mature or cool than him.

One of the things that distracted Juan from his classes was the prospect of creating his own video game, something Juan had only dreamed of while in elementary school.

Ever since Juan entered high school at age 14 Juan began to have mixed feelings about it, on one hand Juan knew Juan needed to mature, to stop being so childish and start acting his age, which for him meant distancing himself from people Juan saw as being ‘immature’ and further isolating himself.

And on the other Juan feels like he needs to enjoy his last days as a teenager with rather little responsibilities

Further leading him into using social media as escapism.

Juan is usually isolating himself until He actually takes time to meet someone,

When he’s not gaming he’s usually reading up and looking up tutorials in first aid,

he recently began to look more for his self image, trying out going jogging around his home

Juan’s relationship with his brothers is also mostly positive, before they moved to college he would spend his time playing with them as well as watching YouTube videos together on the family TV