Survival Of The Fittest

Name: Marino Rafael Hall-Amador
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Southwest Red Rock High School
Hobbies and Interests: Baseball, horses, ranching, fighting, baking

Appearance: Marino is 6’1” and weighs 158 lbs. His dark brown skin comes from his mixed descent, African-American from his father, and Puerto Rican from his mother. He has a lean muscular build with defined muscles on his biceps, pecs, calves, and abs due to his exercise and conditioning on the baseball team. There is a small scar that cuts across his right eyebrow and a few more on both knuckles due to a fight in the past. His long black dreads reach behind his shoulder blades and are bleached to a honey blond that fades to the ends of his dreads. However, his original hair color is still present in his stubble-circle beard.

Marino is fond of wearing clothes related to his home state, Texas. Inspired by cowboys and the Wild West, he’s often seen wearing jeans, denim jackets, flannel jackets, bandannas, fingerless gloves, and leather cowboy boots. His ears and nose have been pierced and are accessorized with studded piercings on both ears and a septum piercing on his nose. On the day of the abduction, he wore a beige shirt with a vintage horse logo, his school’s varsity jacket, faded denim blue jeans, a leather belt with an engraved belt buckle, a pair of black square-toe cowboy boots, and aviator shades. His dreads are swept behind his head and are tied into a half-ponytail.

Biography: Born in Houston, Texas, on February 24, 2005, Marino Rafael Hall-Amador is the only child of Derreck Hall and Victoria Amador. When his two parents met, Derreck was a ranch caretaker who worked under the Radcliffes, a rich and prestigious family, and Victoria worked as a diner waitress while studying for a medical degree. The two would meet at Victoria’s workplace and would later get married after a romantic fling left her pregnant. After marriage, Victoria quit her job as a waitress to continue her studies and focus all her time on her new family. Derreck would continue to work on the ranch to provide for his wife and child.

Being under the care of both parents, Marino lived a normal lifestyle in his early childhood. But while other children enjoyed the luxuries of the internet or television, Marino spent most of his time playing outside his house by going to nearby parks and around his hometown with his parents. However, most of Marino's childhood was with his father. Under his care, Derreck would always encourage his son to become a strong, masculine figure so that Marino could take care of his mother in the future, even if it meant fighting for what he thought was right.

Marino's interests and personality would also stem from his father’s influence. One example of this would be his troublemaking streak in elementary school. He always caused trouble around class that would constantly get on his classmate’s nerves, much to the hindrance of his teachers. His antics would range from arguments over kids teasing him to fighting with other kids who refused to share the recess equipment. A notable occurrence was when he pushed a young boy in a rain puddle for calling him names, which resulted in a phone call to his parents. While Victoria would scold him every time he got in trouble, Derreck would pay little to no mind to his mischief and would instead dote on his son with all his love and affection, stating that Marino had every right to do what he did.

Another example of his father's influence is his love of the Wild West. Derreck would often let Marino watch old movies about cowboys and bandits and would sometimes teach him fun facts about life in the West. Marino was always fond of watching characters ride on horseback, and because of his father’s job, Marino was allowed to explore his workplace and help him with challenging tasks. Every time he helped out his father, his actions reminded him of cowboys herding cattle. One of Marino’s favorite parts about visiting his dad’s workplace was the horse stables. He would always help by feeding them and brushing their manes with the aid of Derreck’s co-workers. His love for the animals strengthened further when he rode a horse for the first time, admiring their fast galloping speed and graceful nature.

A final example would be his love of baseball, which was encouraged by his father and his coworkers. Back in elementary, Marino had found an interest in the sport after an invitation from his close friend, Trevor Radcliffe, to come and watch a game for a playdate. Although interested in the sport, he didn't know much about playing. But with help from his parents, he finally pursued his dream of becoming a baseball player alongside Trevor. At first, Marino practiced catching and throwing the ball with his father but then learned about running bases on his team. The first game he played had him scoring a run after batting the ball on his first try. The two would continue to play Little League Baseball throughout elementary school. Marino found that baseball was a good way to connect with his classmates and even made friends with a few of his teammates.

Middle school would become a pivotal turning point for the Amador family, as Marino and his father would become targets of racism. For Marino, his teammates made heinous comments about his heritage and background due to being envious of his batting skills. They would always make fun of him for his appearance or whenever he made a small mistake during a game. His teachers, even his school’s baseball coach, would always issue many warnings about their behavior, but they would continue their harassment against him, although it never escalated to physical fights or slurs. The only person who would never engage in the bullying was Trevor, who would always support Marino throughout his toughest times.

Sadly, in Derreck’s case, his employer’s son, Jackson Radcliffe, would always belittle him with racist comments every chance he got. The employer would never catch their son in the act, and most of Derreck’s coworkers would pay no mind in fear of losing their jobs if they were to confront Jackson about it. While there were many times when Marino experienced this treatment of his father first-hand, his coworkers would always distract him by letting him help out around the ranch to hide Jackson’s poor treatment of the workers.

The situation became worse after Derreck was laid off. During a night shift, Jackson was smoking outside near the horse stables and forgot to put out his cigarette, which resulted in a hay bale near the wooden building being caught on fire. While the animals were left unharmed, half of the stables were left in a burnt disarray. Jackson would shift the blame towards Derreck, even though he was busy repairing the family’s tractor. Rather than listening to their employee’s claims and instead placing their faith in Jackson, Derreck was fired and was forced to leave the property in anger. The loss of the high-paying job caused turmoil in his relationship with Victoria as he struggled to find another stable job. While she went back to her job as a waitress, Derreck spent the rest of his days in dive bars, now hanging with Marino less. One night, Derreck would be arrested for a DUI and sentenced to six months in jail.

Word had gotten out of Derreck’s crimes, and Marino found himself taunted for his father's state. He became ridiculed for his father becoming a drunkard and kept finding himself getting into a few fistfights caused by his peers. While Trevor tried to smooth things over, he would only be outcasted like his friend. Things soon escalated when one of Marino’s bullies drove by and threw paint-filled water balloons at Victoria as she was walking home, two hitting her torso and one striking her face. While the assault was considered a crime, Victoria refused to press any charges due to the overwhelming stress between her savings and her husband, which deeply angered Marino. In retaliation, Marino fought a bully responsible for the assault during class while Trevor tried to intervene. The fight landed the boys a three-week suspension, which soon became the last day they set foot in middle school when the COVID-19 lockdown began.

During the pandemic, Marino and his mother made significant changes in their lives. After the fight, Marino wanted to toughen himself up by exercising and watching self-defense instructional videos. He had also begun to change his physical appearance and wardrobe by dying his hair and dressing himself in new clothes that fit his love for cowboys, much to Victoria’s dismay, thinking that her son looked ridiculous. But while Marino changed, his mother began some major changes. After completing her online classes and receiving her degree in nursing, she divorced her husband and moved to Las Vegas, Nevada, where she and her son would live with her brother-in-law Louis Amador, sister Karla Moyano Amador, and their child Allison Amador. As punishment for his actions back at middle school, Victoria forced Marino to get a job in hopes he’d learn from his mistakes. Luckily, his uncle helped him find a job at a local Shake Shack managed by a close friend. Despite the move, Marino had kept close contact with Trevor online and would always talk to him during his spare time.

Marino would become a freshman at Southwest Red Rock after the lockdown had lifted, and the changes through the pandemic would be present to his new classmates. Marino would soon set his sights on joining the Red Rock baseball team and would take a specialty in batting. His training would cause him to befriend Coach Johnson after hearing his story about the Aviators and the old man's tips for college scouts.

While he had gained a few friends after joining Red Rock’s baseball team, he had also gained a delinquent persona after finding common ground with the school’s more disobedient students due to his love of fighting and his thoughts about many of his classmates. Marino would sometimes find himself fighting others because of different opinions and out of annoyance. Deep down, however, he knew his tormenting of his classmates was wrong. Being reminded of when he was younger, Marino felt that his behavior would only serve to make him just like his middle school bullies. However, his fear of appearing vulnerable outweighed his doubts. While it became a problem at school, he found fighting a good way to assert his strength and intimidate others while covering up his fears.

Alongside his fighting, he would sometimes find himself causing trouble in other ways. One example would be his vandalism around school caused by the TikTok trend, Devious Licks. It started with graffiti on the bathroom stalls but escalated with stealing paper towels from the dispensers. His theft ended after the school faculty became suspicious of the trend. Another vice he would pick up would be his love for marijuana. After being handed an edible by a coworker, he instantly got hooked on the drug and would often smoke or eat a few edibles in his spare time. He’d even sometimes sell some weed to his friends after school.

Despite his troublemaking, Marino still does well in his studies. To balance out his training on the baseball team, he often studies well for his class subjects and tests. One of his favorite classes is art, as he considers it to be one of the easiest classes he’s ever taken, while the hardest is English, due to having to write long essays and Mrs. Donner’s teaching style.

However, his habit of fighting around the school has severely affected his reputation. After receiving a few suspensions and calls to his mother, Principal Winegarden sternly warned Marino that if he continued to cause trouble with others, he would no longer participate in baseball and graduation and would even be expelled from Red Rock. Not wanting to destroy his chances of receiving a diploma, he held off from physical fights and tried to focus more on his studies.

While his personality changed around his peers, Marino still hasn’t changed in the eyes of his family. He would always be kind and polite around his aunt and uncle, and especially toward his mother, despite their conflicts regarding his behavior at school. She would sometimes fear that her son would into trouble with the law similar to Derreck and would always warn him about his troublemaking. Many groundings and punishments were frequent between Marino's freshman and sophomore years.

Apart from his mother, Louis became fond of his nephew and would sometimes hang out by smoking weed. Marino viewed Allison as a little sister and shared some of his hobbies with her. As for his father, he still made monthly calls to his ex-wife to check on how he was doing. Victoria would always urge Marino to call his father but would always refuse, seeing his frequent visits to bars in the past as a sign of their relationship drifting apart.

He would also pick up a knack for baking after helping his mother and aunt around the kitchen many times. While Marino started with box brownies and pre-made cookie dough, he soon learned how to create baked goods from scratch. He loved seeing the different kinds of pastries he could bake and the different types of ingredients to add, but he loved the reactions from his family even more. Seeing this, his aunt would gift him old pastry and dessert recipes, which he would sometimes use to create edibles, with mixed results. However, Marino is still trying to learn more about baking by watching a few tips and tutorials on YouTube.

Nearing graduation, Marino has mixed feelings about his plans, which he constantly discusses during his online chats with Trevor. His original plan was to either get into college and study agriculture to obtain a farm job or study culinary arts to become a pastry chef. However, it became clear he wouldn't get into college at all, even if he graduated. After explaining his woes to Trevor, his friend suggested applying for a trade school instead, which could provide him with training in a variety of professions, including culinary. The only problem is whether to return to Texas and try to make amends with his father or stay in Nevada with his newfound friends and family.

Advantages: Being part of the baseball team, Marino is proficient in weapons that can be swung with two hands and with throwing objects at a fast speed. Along with his baseball skills, Marino can gain valuable allies from the baseball team, and because of his reputation, he has possible allies with Red Rock’s delinquents.
Disadvantages: Due to the setting of the game and his past actions, Marino would become a likely target for others who despise him, especially victims of his bullying. His poor decision-making will also cause problems in dangerous situations.

Hey FlockOfHens! Marino is off to a good start and there are some good details in the profile that I think are interesting but he needs some work before he's going to be ready for the pregame.

devious licks

This doesn't show up in the profile enough to validate it being a hobby or interest so can be removed.

There appears to be an accidental line break on the biography, it should start in line with the section tag.

Quick question, if Marino's parents were married prior to his birth why does he have his mothers name? Typically, following marriage the child takes the fathers name, they don't have to of course, but as this is kind of unusual I'll just need some explanation.

While you say that Marino's personality and interests would derive from his fathers interests, I will need some explanation as to how his fathers influence would particularly push Marino to be a troublemaker at school.

Along with this, it sounds more like being around his father while he worked should instill more of an interest in ranching rather than the Wild West specifically, I think the Wild West interest is fine and interesting but you might just want to add in something about his dad teaching Marino about it or them watching cowboy films together to give the genesis of the interest a bit more juice then it currently has.

Middle school would become a pivotal turning point for the Amador family, as Marino and his father would become chastised with racism.

Chastised is not the word you want in this context, as it means to reprimand or punish someone in a disciplinary way.

would always issue many warnings about their behavior but would continue their harassment against him

It looks like you've missed out a they after but.

The only person who would never engage in the bullying was Trevor, who would always support him throughout his toughest times.

Put Marino here instead of him.

While there were many times when Marino would experience this treatment to his father at first glance,

This sentence doesn't work the way you have assembled it currently. I know what you want to say so it would be better to go with "Marino witnessed this treatment of his father first-hand," as otherwise the phrasing is off for the context of the sentence.

The treatment would soon become serious after one event would lose Derreck’s job.

The treatment of Derreck is already serious, as he is being racially abused, but the phrasing of this sentence is off, it can't become serious after he is fired. The way this is phrased also makes it sound like an event lost Derreck's job, as in physically misplacing it. "The situation became worse after Derreck lost his job." or "The situation became worse after Derreck was laid off" would be more suitable ways to phrase this.

Right, so having read it through, unfortunately, the entire subplot revolving around his dad having that murder plan will need to come out of the profile. The main reason for this is that as it is currently written, it is too unrealistic and dramatic for what we aim for with SOTF characters, and especially their backstories. It just comes across as too much of a soap opera event to fit in. It also doesn't seem to add much to Marino other than prompt his interest in fighting and lead to a change in how he acts. I think if you want the father out of the way and the other details as well, the divorce that you already have within the profile is the cleanest and best way to accomplish this. If Derreck gets fired and begins to have difficulties this can naturally lead to the divorce. The emotional turmoil of this event could cause the issues with Marino's behaviour and still allows you to have the move to Vegas as Victoria goes to live with her family.

After completing her online classes and receiving her degree in healthcare

Healthcare by itself like this isn't actually a degree, it would be healthcare administration, nursing, public health etc.

Marino would become a freshman at Southwest Red Rock after the lockdown had lifted, and the change through the pandemic had clearly shown to his classmates.

This is awkwardly phrased but also I don't think the change would be noticed, as he was not in Vegas prior to this, so none of his classmates actually know him enough to notice any changes. As based on the timeline I'm fairly sure this would be the first time they would be meeting Marino.

he had gained a delinquent persona after finding common ground with the school’s more disobedient students.

Could I have some detail on the common ground they found, and how this led to him also gaining a deliquent persona?

This paragraph also appears to give us the only real mention of weed in the profile and it's not enough to justify being a hobby so this will need to be expanded or removed, but it's your choice which.

Aside from his troublemaking, he does essentially well in his studies.

I'm not sure what you mean by essentially well, but a better way to get the result I think you want here would be to say "Despite his troublemaking Marino still does well in his studies".

One of his favorite classes would be Art, as he would consider it to be one of the easiest classes he’s ever taken. The hardest would be English class, due to having to write long essays and Mrs. Carla Donner’s teaching style.

I don't know why you are using would like this but it would be cleaner to just say his favourite class is art and his hardest is English.

While his actions have changed his personality around his peers, it still hasn’t changed around his family

You should really just say while his personality has changed around his peers. His actions wouldn't change his personality, they would change his perception.

He would always be kind and polite around his aunt and uncle, especially toward his mother who may have conflicts about his reputation in school.

It would be "And especially toward his mother, despite their conflicts regarding his behaviour at school."

Baking will need to have more detail if it is going to be a hobby.

His first option is to pursue his baseball career and become a professional player in college.

You can't be a professional baseball player in college, he can join a college team and look to become a professional player via the MLB draft but if he is wanting to go pro in a sport Marino would likely need to show a bit more commitment that he currently appears to. In the profile mention of his baseball hobby effectively drops off after his younger years, if he was wanting to aim for pro status we'd need to see this reflected more within the profile itself.

Marino’s sadism and ruthlessness may bring concern to most of his classmates, especially the victims of his bullying.

This hasn't come up in the profile prior to this mention so will need to be added in and explained, as the last mention is that Marino hangs out with some delinquent kids.

And as much as he would brag about it, he has no clue of how to use a gun, or any firearm for that matter. If any chance he does use a firearm, it’ll result in a missed shot or a friendly fire.

This isn't a real disadvantage as the normal baseline for most people is not using a gun. As such this will need to be swapped out for a different disadvantage from the profile.

That is everything, I know it's a lot and I know that unfortunately, I've asked you to take out a fairly large chunk of the profile but I think there's a solid character here that you can work around and it should come together better with a bit of a simpler backstory to work off. If you have any questions don't hesitate to hit me up but other let me know in here once the edits are made and I'll get back to you.

Deamon wrote: Tue Feb 04, 2025 10:20 pm Hey FlockOfHens! Marino is off to a good start and there are some good details in the profile that I think are interesting but he needs some work before he's going to be ready for the pregame.

Changes have been made!!!

Hi FlockOfHens! Apologies for the large delay and thank you for your patience, I was moving house so haven’t time to sit down and take a look at your edits until now, so let’s jump right in.

He has a lean muscular build to his body with muscles grown on his biceps, pecs, calves, and abs due to his exercise and conditioning on the baseball team.

You don’t need to say to his body, as muscular build already means you’re referring to his body. You have also described Marino as having muscles growing on his muscles, biceps, pecs, calves and abs are all muscles, so you would just say those parts of his body are defined or muscular.

Marino lived a stable lifestyle and was provided with the necessities given early in his childhood.

This sentence doesn’t make sense so will need to be rewritten.

Marino spent most of his time playing outside his house. He spent most of his days in nearby parks and around his hometown with his parents. However, most of Marino's childhood was mostly spent with his father.

You use spent and most too many times in this short segment, and it also begins to contradict itself, so it will need to be rewritten.

A notable occurrence was when he pushed a young boy in a rain puddle for name-calling him

Name-calling is weird phrasing, you can just say calling him a name as it’s cleaner to read.

What does Marino enjoy about horses and being around/riding them?

After much convincing from his parents, he was finally able to pursue his dream of becoming a baseball player alongside Trevor.

So his parents had to convince him to pursue his dream? I thought he was interested in the sport? This sentence doesn’t make sense.

Marino would find the sport as a good way to connect well with his classmates and even gain a few friends.

This sentence uses too many words to make its point and it makes it read awkwardly. Change it to “Marino found that baseball was a good way to connect with his classmates and even made friends with a few of his teammates.”

many of his teammates would make a few heinous comments about his heritage and background out of envy for his batting.

Again the use of extra words makes this sentence confusing. Were there a few comments made or were many of his teammates making comments? Out of envy for his batting is also confusing wording. Change it to “due to being envious of his batting skills”.

Middle school would become a pivotal turning point for the Amador family, as Marino and his father would be struck with racism.

Struck is not the correct word here either, they’re not being hit by racism. The way you have written this sentence makes it very awkward to use a construction of ‘X with racism’, you would be better off putting ‘would become the targets of racism’.

The treatment would soon become serious after Derreck lost his job.

It looks like you missed the edit for this, as a reminder the treatment cannot become serious after Derreck has lost his job.

sentenced to 6 months in jail.

Please use the word six as the value of the number isn’t large enough to warrant using numeric characters.

As Westin Charles doesn’t appear in the profile outside of the one mention he has the name can be removed as it’s not relevant information.

We don’t require a full blow-by-blow of the fight either, you can say that it lead to a fight between the bully and Marino where Trevor tried to intervene and it achieves the same thing.

The fight landed the three boys a three-week suspension, which soon became the last day they set foot in middle school after the COVID-19 lockdown.

The way this is written makes it sound like the fight happened after COVID-19 and it was the last day they were in school following the lockdowns. You will need to reword this.

During the pandemic, significant changes were present with Marino and his mother.

I’m not sure why you’ve used with here, it makes it sound as if the changes are physically there with them.

After the fight, Marino wanted to toughen himself up by learning how to fight. He had done this by exercising and watching tutorial videos on self-defense.

This is written in a way that is chronologically confusing. You’ll need to rewrite the second sentence to fix this.

He had also begun to change his physical appearance, personality, and wardrobe, much to Victoria’s dismay.

Why to both points and if he’s making changes what are the changes?

His training would cause him to befriend the baseball coach, Mr. Kenneth Johnson,

Referring to Coach Johnson in this way is mixing the two ways that he can be referred. It should be written either as his full name—Kenneth Johnson—or his title and surname—Coach Johnson

While he had gained a few friends after joining Red Rock’s baseball team, he had gained a delinquent persona after finding common ground with the school’s more disobedient students

As the information about his delinquent persona is the second subject in this sentence you need to put in an also after had.

he had gained a delinquent persona after finding common ground with the school’s more disobedient students due to his love of fighting and his thoughts about the "weaker" students in his class.

Firstly, how does Marino’s love of fighting factor into his being a delinquent? Is he getting into fights at school? If he is then there would obviously be consequences for this. Secondly, what does thoughts about weaker students in his class mean? Thirdly, don’t use quotes like this in profiles, it should instead be phrased as his perceptions of his classmates.

With fighting currently being a hobby and interest I need to see more information regarding exactly what Marino finds interesting or enjoyable about it.

One example would be his vandalism around school caused by the TikTok trend, “Devious Licks.”

Again no quotes.

One of his favorite classes would be Art, as he would consider it to be one of the easiest classes he’s ever taken. The hardest would be English class, due to having to write long essays and Mrs. Carla Donner’s teaching style.

You missed fixing the use of would that I pointed out from my last edits. Additionally, art would not have a capital in this context.

While his personality around his peers, Marino still hasn’t changed in the eyes of his family.

So like, if you’re going to make an edit that is a removal you need to check the sentence afterwards to make sure if still makes sense. Otherwise we get this, where the profile now says ‘while his personality around his peers’ and moves on. This needs fixing.

We still need more detail about the baking hobby.

Marino has mixed feelings about his plans, which he would constantly talk about during his online chats with Trevor.

This is the first mention of any online chats with Trevor but it’s written as if it’s been brought up before, so you’ll want to add that in.

One option is to pursue his baseball career and become a pro player on a college team.

So like I said last time, you cannot be a professional player on a college team, they are different classifications. Does Marino just want to play baseball at college or does he want to attempt going pro? As I said last time if he wants to go pro then he’d probably want to focusing a bit more on his training.

How exactly does Marino intend on buying a ranch? How does he plan on getting money for this? Ranches are extremely expensive investments, going for what looks like 28 mil on the low end.

Being part of the baseball team, Marino has proficiency in weapons that can be swung with two hands (ex. Baseball bat, metal pipe, longsword) and with throwing objects at a fast speed.

Remove the part in the brackets.

His loyalty to his friends and teammates makes him suitable for survival.

We would need to see examples of this within the profile as currently there aren’t any.

Marino’s relationships with Red Rock's delinquents may bring concern to his classmates, especially victims of his bullying

. Is he bullying other students? If so this will need to be added to the profile. Also not for nothing, but currently the extent of their activities seem to be some graffiti and stealing paper towels, so I’m not really sure this is a concerning group of delinquents

Due to the setting of the game and his past actions, he would become a likely target for others who despise him. And because of his obnoxious behavior, it'll become a hassle to make new allies with those outside his circle of friends.

None of this is in the profile and will need to be added in order for these disadvantages to be able to be accepted.

And that is everything, post back here once you’ve made the edits and I’ll take another—quicker—look at Marino.

Edits made, hope I've gotten everything down.

So I think we’re nearly there with Marino, we just have a few more things to hit on and then he should be good to go.

Being under the care of both parents, Marino lived a stable lifestyle in his early childhood.

Saying someone lived a stable lifestyle is weird phrasing.

After convincing his parents, he was finally able to pursue his dream of becoming a baseball player alongside Trevor.

Why did he have to convince his parents to let him play baseball? Were they against him playing at all?

The treatment became serious after Derreck was laid off.

Again the chronology of this sentence doesn’t make sense. The situation is already serious, but it escalates and this is what leads to Derrek losing his job. As I said in an earlier round of edits you’d be better off putting "The situation became worse after Derreck lost his job." or "The situation became worse after Derreck was laid off" as they are more suitable ways to phrase this.

In retaliation, Marino fought a bully during class while Trevor tried to intervene.

Is this a bully or the bully who threw the water balloons at Marino’s mum?

So I asked in the last pass what he changed about his physical appearance, personality and wardrobe but you haven’t answered that question, so that will need to be done.

While he had gained a few friends after joining Red Rock’s baseball team, he had gained a delinquent persona after finding common ground with the school’s more disobedient students

Please put an Also after the second had.

Marino would sometimes find himself fighting others because of different opinions and out of annoyance. While it became a problem with the school, he found fighting as a way to assert his strength and intimidate those who would try to patronize him.

So, originally Marino wanted to learn to fight to toughen himself up but it seems that he now uses fighting as a way to victimise people. I’m not saying the anything wrong with this to be clear, it’s an interesting path to take given how he was a victim of bullying in his youth. But by the same token is this something he’s ever stopped to think about or does he believe that his use of violence to impose his will on others is acceptable? Additionally, with his mum being aware of his fighting what are her thoughts on her son’s behaviour?

One of his favorite classes is Art, as he considers it to be one of the easiest classes he’s ever taken. The hardest would be English class due to having to write long essays and Mrs. Carla Donner’s teaching style.

Art is still capitalised, would is still being used after English and it is Mrs. Donner, not Mrs. Carla Donner.

However, it became he wouldn't get into college at all, even if he graduated.

You’re missing a word after became here.

And because of his use of marijuana, his poor decision-making will cause problems in dangerous situations.

I’m confused by how these two things are related, I also don’t think Marino makes good decisions when he’s sober if we’re being honest. So this disadvantage will need to be cleaned up.

And that is everything, so let me know once you have made the edits and I’ll take another look at Marino for you!

One more round for the cowboy!!!

Alright, only a few things left then we’re good to go.

Marino is a 6’1” male who weighs 158 lbs

We know Marino is male as it’s in the gender field at the beginning of the profile, so this can be removed.

With help from his parents, he was finally able to pursue his dream of becoming a baseball player alongside Trevor.

I can see that you’ve attempted to amend this, but because of this the context of the sentence has changed and we have ended up with a different issue. Basically, it reads now like we’ve jumped ahead in time and we’re missing details, mainly Marino developing this dream and his parents helping him overcome an obstacle preventing him from pursuing it. So these details are going to need to be added in.

Deep down, however, he knew his torment against his classmates was wrong, being reminded of middle school. He felt his violence would only make him become just his bullies back then, to which he was right. However, his fear of appearing vulnerable had shrouded his doubts. While it became a problem with the school, he found fighting as a way to assert his strength and intimidate those who would try to patronize him.

Right, I like what you’ve got here content wise but the grammar is all over the place. Something like the below would work better and cover the same information. Feel free to either use it or take its and rewrite it to suit your own preferences.

“Deep down, however, he knew his tormenting of his classmates was wrong. Being reminded of when he was younger, Marino felt that his behaviour would only serve to make him just like his middle school bullies. However, his fear of appearing vulnerable outweighed his doubts. While it became a problem at school, he found fighting a good way to assert his strength and intimidate others while covering up his own fears.”

And that’s all of it! Post back here once you’re done and then fingers crossed we should be good to approve Marino