((Pregame Start: Caroline Sariah Ford))
"A... Aurora Borealis! At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?"
"Yes."
"
may I see it?"
"No."
Caroline chuckled at the video, an exceptionally strange meta-meme, and pulled the headphones from her ears. Reuben had been sending her strange videos again, his way of keeping in touch from the other side of the world. No doubt he'd heard she wasn't doing so well. It was sweet, though she wished he didn't worry so much. Eventually she'd crawl out of this rough patch. The fog had to lift eventually.
Maybe not. Maybe never.
The fluorescent lights of the cafeteria seemed especially bright today. She'd slept
how long had she even slept for? It must've been almost twelve hours yesterday, but it felt more like two. Taking out the headphones brought in the cacophony of the lunch hour. It made her wince, wishing the headache medicine she'd taken this morning had been more effective. It felt hard to place herself in the day, temporally. There was something she was forgetting to do, but everything felt hazy. As if a deep fog had fallen over her thoughts and perceptions, and it was hard to really make anything out. Sometimes making lists helped.
Schoolwork's done. I'm still ahead of the class, I'm at least a chapter ahead. It's not that.
Could it have been something for Church? She attended the last meeting of the youth group and took notes, she couldn't have missed anything there. Not with the others so attentive to her issues.
What was I even here for?
This made her feel stupid. She was eighteen, not eighty. What kept biting at her mind so much she couldn't think straight? Couldn't even have a bite to
"Oh."
The microwavable tupperware container sat in front of Caroline, its contents rapidly cooling as they had sat open for some time now. The vegetable-laden macaroni dish she'd put together the night before seemed appetizing when she first made it the night before.
aurora borealis. maybe never.
Now, she could barely motivate herself to take a bite. She knew she had to, she knew it was important to keep her strength up. There was a lot to do today.
I only have so much time to sit around in the cafeteria. It's always too little.
Caroline shut off her phone and bowed her head, folding her arms to pray. She kept it to a whisper, so that no one would bother her. There were a few people who couldn't help but to do so, and she wasn't the best at dealing with conflict. Besides, she was too tired to fend off bullies even if she knew how.
"Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me the strength to get through this difficult time in my life. Thank you for giving me the friends and family who've held me up when I've faltered. I wanted to ask though, why is it that I've been feeling this way? I have lived in as righteous a way as I know how, I've tried to keep myself on track, to keep to my goals. What does this mean? Why do I feel like I can never have enough rest, when I sleep so much of my days away? Why do I feel so sad and withered, even when nothing is wrong? If this is some kind of test, I will try and meet the challenge as best as I can. I just worry it will be too much for me, and I don't want to let you down. I don't want to let my family down. I ask you for the strength to keep my head above the water, and to just find a way to eat my lunch and get on with my day. Just enough to take the next step. Thank you Father. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
we appreciate your attitude caroline, keep it up. you should not have to whisper though. at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country? try not to. whispering might make people think you are up to something. that could be trouble.
Caroline opened her eyes, looking back to the small container before her. It didn't seem much better than before, but she had a renewed desire to try and get at least some of it down. At least her decaf tea was still warm. She almost wondered what caffeine was like, and if it would help her in a situation like this, but reminded herself that wasn't the most productive train of thought. Maybe the next time she met up with her Bishop, she could ask if there was anything she could take to be more alert during the day. It couldn't hurt to ask, if nothing else.
he'll say no. remember the words of wisdom. eighty nine nine. it's clear. hot drinks.
Sometimes exceptions were made if she had medical issues. Was this even a medical issue? Her stomach grumbled as she got the first bit of food down. It tasted every bit as good as she knew it would, even if it wasn't at all satisfying.
Well, it certainly feels medical. I haven't had this little of an appetite since the last time I had the flu.
The worst part was over. It was always the first step with anything. The next ones always got easier. She looked around at the cafeteria, her eyes still not quite adjusted to the light. She did the best she could with makeup, but was sure she still looked a bit haggard. It didn't do well to be vain, though. It was just school, she only had to look presentable.
you mustn't be vain.
Years of spending all of her time ahead of her peers academically meant that while she recognized most of the faces in the cafeteria, she knew very few of them all that well. Certainly not enough to call any of them over. She hoped someone would come by though. It would cheer her up to talk to someone, and now that she'd been told to lighten her workload
Well, it didn't make her feel as guilty as it did before.
guilty. so guilty.
If nothing else, she was looking forward to her English presentation at the end of the day. She'd picked Steve Toltz' "A Fraction of the Whole." The Australian setting, and the strange and tormented character of Martin Dean had captivated her and doing a bit of a deep dive on the novel's themes was one of the few things she'd looked forward to in the last month, at least. With less to do she'd really been able to give it the time it needed to percolate in her mind. Maybe that was the folly of trying to do so many different things at once? She never really mastered any one thing in particular.
Well, I've got the time now whether I like it or not.
Caroline continued eating her lunch, making sure to take the odd glance up now and again in the hope someone locked eyes with her.
what are you hoping for, you stupid little slut? hopeless. you're hopeless. stupid, vain whispering slut with no future. hot drinks. you're filth. you'll spend a century in hell for every dick you suck, you fucking guilty slut. caroline. no one is going to talk to filth like you. no one.
She prayed for it.
Least Of All Young Caroline
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VoltTurtle
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((Richard Smith, Pregame Start))
Richard trudged around the cafeteria, carrying his lunch tray, and looking for a place to sit.
The cacophony of noise that was ever present in the lunch room always bothered him, but it was getting on his nerves even more than usual. He so strongly preferred the quiet, yet he never seemed to have that quiet unless he was alone in his room, shut away from the world.
To make matters worse, today was his off lunch period. None of his friends shared this exact period on this day of the week with him, so he was alone. He had to find a seat to himself, but that was difficult. The other students had a tendency to shift between the tables on a day to day basis, so where exactly a loner like him could sit and be at peace was always in flux.
Today was especially bad, however, since he had gotten into the lunch line late. Most of the tables were already occupied by various different cliques and friend groups. There were barely tables with empty space, let alone a place where he could sit and be at peace.
Except for one. A table occupied only by a single, tiny girl.
Richard looked the mousey girl up and down as he sat at the table, across from her. He towered over her, the difference in their sizes being quite stark. The moment his tray hit the table, the mood between shifted. His demeanor betrayed his current emotions, the frustration he felt at getting to the line late, the annoyance with the loudness of the cafeteria, the indignation at being completely alone.
But he wasn't going to take all of that out on this girl, they didn't even need to talk.
Picking up the milk carton that he had gotten from the lunch line, he struggled to place the girl's name. Was it Caroline? Or just Carol? He didn't know, they had never actually talked, he had just seen her around the school occasionally. It didn't matter that much anyway, he was just here to eat his lunch and leave.
Leaning his head back, he downed the milk carton in one, big swig. He let out a sigh of relief as he put the now empty carton down. Milk had always been his favorite drink, it always made his mood just a little bit better.
He looked across the table at Caroline as he picked up the hamburger that he had gotten from the lunch line. Usually when he had to sit next to someone, they usually tried to say something, always something to break up the tension when it didn't actually matter. As much as he didn't care for small talk, the fact that she hadn't said anything yet was starting to bother even him.
Munching on the burger, he cocked his head to the side, taking the opportunity to speak first himself, his speech muffled by the food in his mouth. "So... are you gonna say anything? Or do I have to?"
Richard trudged around the cafeteria, carrying his lunch tray, and looking for a place to sit.
The cacophony of noise that was ever present in the lunch room always bothered him, but it was getting on his nerves even more than usual. He so strongly preferred the quiet, yet he never seemed to have that quiet unless he was alone in his room, shut away from the world.
To make matters worse, today was his off lunch period. None of his friends shared this exact period on this day of the week with him, so he was alone. He had to find a seat to himself, but that was difficult. The other students had a tendency to shift between the tables on a day to day basis, so where exactly a loner like him could sit and be at peace was always in flux.
Today was especially bad, however, since he had gotten into the lunch line late. Most of the tables were already occupied by various different cliques and friend groups. There were barely tables with empty space, let alone a place where he could sit and be at peace.
Except for one. A table occupied only by a single, tiny girl.
Richard looked the mousey girl up and down as he sat at the table, across from her. He towered over her, the difference in their sizes being quite stark. The moment his tray hit the table, the mood between shifted. His demeanor betrayed his current emotions, the frustration he felt at getting to the line late, the annoyance with the loudness of the cafeteria, the indignation at being completely alone.
But he wasn't going to take all of that out on this girl, they didn't even need to talk.
Picking up the milk carton that he had gotten from the lunch line, he struggled to place the girl's name. Was it Caroline? Or just Carol? He didn't know, they had never actually talked, he had just seen her around the school occasionally. It didn't matter that much anyway, he was just here to eat his lunch and leave.
Leaning his head back, he downed the milk carton in one, big swig. He let out a sigh of relief as he put the now empty carton down. Milk had always been his favorite drink, it always made his mood just a little bit better.
He looked across the table at Caroline as he picked up the hamburger that he had gotten from the lunch line. Usually when he had to sit next to someone, they usually tried to say something, always something to break up the tension when it didn't actually matter. As much as he didn't care for small talk, the fact that she hadn't said anything yet was starting to bother even him.
Munching on the burger, he cocked his head to the side, taking the opportunity to speak first himself, his speech muffled by the food in his mouth. "So... are you gonna say anything? Or do I have to?"
Wretched gargoyle. Hope he chokes on his milk. Milk-drinking gargoyle. So quickly. So disgusting.
Oh, a person! Richard? I think I had a class or two with him. He's not the best student. Not because he isn't smart. He's just mean and surly all the time. In a kind of sad, cynical way though. Maybe he's depressed too?
Caroline pondered whether or not Richard had similar struggles to herself. Maybe he'd gone through it earlier, which was why he'd spent so much time lagging behind. The thought that she might have something in common with the individual currently loudly munching on a hamburger in front of her made her feel slightly queasy, though that might have just been the residual nausea she had felt all morning.
Milk man. Meaty. So disgusting. Stay away.
Making a visible attempt to brighten up, she tried to give Richard a courteous smile and attempted to reply, willpower and brute-force working through the white noise coming from inside and around her. It was hard to really seem interested, and her smile quickly gave way to a blank, disinterested expression. It wasn't that she wasn't interested, it just felt difficult to smile given how she felt.
So guilty. Hot Drinks. Meat milk. "Hello Richard. How is it ?" Guilty. Aurora Borealis. Little Slut. Fuck you.
Ugh, I'm making a fool of myself. Just wake up, for goodness sakes.
"My bad. How's " STAY AWAY. DISGUSTING. FUCK YOU CAROLINE. CAROLINE. CAROLINE. CAROLINE. "-it going? I don't think we've ever like, spoken around before. Didn't we have junior math together?"
Did I even say that right? I guess I'll find out. Hopefully this guy doesn't kill what's left of my appetite. I'll try and be polite but his eating habits aren't going to make that easy.
Caroline took another bite of her lunch, hoping it wasn't obvious how much she was forcing herself to eat. She hoped if she could wake up a bit more, it would be easier to carry out a conversation. The strain of not sleeping was beginning to wear on her.
But I did sleep. Ten hours.
hot drinks. gargoyle.
Oh, a person! Richard? I think I had a class or two with him. He's not the best student. Not because he isn't smart. He's just mean and surly all the time. In a kind of sad, cynical way though. Maybe he's depressed too?
Caroline pondered whether or not Richard had similar struggles to herself. Maybe he'd gone through it earlier, which was why he'd spent so much time lagging behind. The thought that she might have something in common with the individual currently loudly munching on a hamburger in front of her made her feel slightly queasy, though that might have just been the residual nausea she had felt all morning.
Milk man. Meaty. So disgusting. Stay away.
Making a visible attempt to brighten up, she tried to give Richard a courteous smile and attempted to reply, willpower and brute-force working through the white noise coming from inside and around her. It was hard to really seem interested, and her smile quickly gave way to a blank, disinterested expression. It wasn't that she wasn't interested, it just felt difficult to smile given how she felt.
So guilty. Hot Drinks. Meat milk. "Hello Richard. How is it ?" Guilty. Aurora Borealis. Little Slut. Fuck you.
Ugh, I'm making a fool of myself. Just wake up, for goodness sakes.
"My bad. How's " STAY AWAY. DISGUSTING. FUCK YOU CAROLINE. CAROLINE. CAROLINE. CAROLINE. "-it going? I don't think we've ever like, spoken around before. Didn't we have junior math together?"
Did I even say that right? I guess I'll find out. Hopefully this guy doesn't kill what's left of my appetite. I'll try and be polite but his eating habits aren't going to make that easy.
Caroline took another bite of her lunch, hoping it wasn't obvious how much she was forcing herself to eat. She hoped if she could wake up a bit more, it would be easier to carry out a conversation. The strain of not sleeping was beginning to wear on her.
But I did sleep. Ten hours.
hot drinks. gargoyle.
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VoltTurtle
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"Fuck if I know. I think I spent most of that class asleep."
Richard took another bite of his hamburger, staring Caroline down as he chewed on it. The meat that they served here was well done and chewy. Not the worst school food meat he's ever had, but definitely nowhere near being actually palatable. It was still food, however, so he didn't really have much to complain about. Not in comparison to everything else he had to complain about, at least.
He swallowed the hamburger he had been chewing on, before squinting at the girl in front of him. She had said something was 'her bad' before she asked about the math class they had shared. All she had said at that point was hello, what could have been 'her bad'? And why was she pausing so much in her speech?
It was rare for somebody to pique Richard's interest like this. Rarer still for him to want to continue conversing because of it. As happy as he was to sit in silence, eat his food, and leave, something about Caroline's behavior seemed off, and he wanted to know why.
"What was that about the whole 'your bad' thing?" Putting his mostly eaten hamburger back down, he took a moment to pick up the orange he had on his lunch tray, tearing half of the skin off of it in one fell swoop. "All you did was say hi. As much of a gigantic hairy asshole as I am, I'm not about to get mad just because you decided to greet me. 'Specially since I talked to you first."
He took a bite out of the orange, chewing the fruit's flesh into a pulp. "So what is it? Distracted? Grandparent die or something? Worried about a test? Texting your boyfriend? Or girlfriend, I don't judge."
He swallowed. "Actually I would judge, if they were ugly. Or maybe not, who knows. I don't fucking care, to be honest."
"Point is... what's up?"
Richard took another bite of his hamburger, staring Caroline down as he chewed on it. The meat that they served here was well done and chewy. Not the worst school food meat he's ever had, but definitely nowhere near being actually palatable. It was still food, however, so he didn't really have much to complain about. Not in comparison to everything else he had to complain about, at least.
He swallowed the hamburger he had been chewing on, before squinting at the girl in front of him. She had said something was 'her bad' before she asked about the math class they had shared. All she had said at that point was hello, what could have been 'her bad'? And why was she pausing so much in her speech?
It was rare for somebody to pique Richard's interest like this. Rarer still for him to want to continue conversing because of it. As happy as he was to sit in silence, eat his food, and leave, something about Caroline's behavior seemed off, and he wanted to know why.
"What was that about the whole 'your bad' thing?" Putting his mostly eaten hamburger back down, he took a moment to pick up the orange he had on his lunch tray, tearing half of the skin off of it in one fell swoop. "All you did was say hi. As much of a gigantic hairy asshole as I am, I'm not about to get mad just because you decided to greet me. 'Specially since I talked to you first."
He took a bite out of the orange, chewing the fruit's flesh into a pulp. "So what is it? Distracted? Grandparent die or something? Worried about a test? Texting your boyfriend? Or girlfriend, I don't judge."
He swallowed. "Actually I would judge, if they were ugly. Or maybe not, who knows. I don't fucking care, to be honest."
"Point is... what's up?"
what does he want? so many questions. careful. gargoyle.
I'm not so good at hiding this, am I? Nuts.
Caroline looked to Richard as he offered a rapid-fire set of questions on what may or may not have been eating her. It would've been so much easier if it had been any of the things he listed. But her grandparents were still very much alive, and she'd had the grace to not date around all that much in high school. Maybe it was a mistake, but she could live with choosing the right over having more mistakes to atone for. The idea that she might have had a girlfriend made Caroline bristle. What about her looked like she might have such an interest?
I didn't think I was giving THAT impression. Sin, nothing but sin.
It was hard to want to respond to him, especially given how crass he was. Was it so much to ask for someone to speak without cursing every second word? Still, she could see through that he seemed to genuinely care, even if it was a strange way of showing it. asking too much to fucking ask you cunt. Answering his question would take some effort, especially given the circumstances. At least he was eating an orange now. It was easier to sit in front of someone eating fruit than heavily-processed lunch meat. There was no telling what could be in there, to say nothing of how it smelled. She responded in a monotone, trying to not let his expletive-laden speech get to her.
"No, it's none of that. Just been hard to find sleep lately, to tell you the truth. And..." don't listen to the other, you're doing great, lass. "...It's, it's..." Caroline shook her head, frustrated that she found it so hard to focus. "It's like, maximum loud in here. I prefer libraries and quiet nooks. I guess I just said it was my bad since I got distracted, and couldn't really respond properly." tell him about jesus. he's probably never heard about jesus. not the right way anyhow.
She rolled her eyes, trying to play off the difficulty as if it wasn't really anything to worry about. It was definitely distracting, but nothing she and her therapist couldn't work through later. Maybe over-stimulation was a side effect of the meds she was on. It was only the first few weeks of Atavan, which was apparently a pretty rough antidepressant. It was a low dose at first, to see how she'd take to it. words of wisdom. drug abuser. what is this? road to hell paved with pills. stupid caroline. caroline? caroline!
Caroline tried to keep the conversation going, still trying to put on an air of pleasantness. She didn't want anyone to think she was being rude, or discourteous. It was important to keep up appearances, even if things weren't great. She had to set an example, after all. Especially given the sorry state of the school, if the lunch menu items were any indication.
"I just don't like bad first impressions, heh. Tryin' my best to-" CAROLINE, DON'T. DON'T TELL HIM."-just keep my head on straight. It's really a loud place in here, I prefer libraries and quiet nooks. Oh, I just said that didn't I? Good grief. I'm a bit out of it." now who's the gigantic, hairy asshole?
I'm not so good at hiding this, am I? Nuts.
Caroline looked to Richard as he offered a rapid-fire set of questions on what may or may not have been eating her. It would've been so much easier if it had been any of the things he listed. But her grandparents were still very much alive, and she'd had the grace to not date around all that much in high school. Maybe it was a mistake, but she could live with choosing the right over having more mistakes to atone for. The idea that she might have had a girlfriend made Caroline bristle. What about her looked like she might have such an interest?
I didn't think I was giving THAT impression. Sin, nothing but sin.
It was hard to want to respond to him, especially given how crass he was. Was it so much to ask for someone to speak without cursing every second word? Still, she could see through that he seemed to genuinely care, even if it was a strange way of showing it. asking too much to fucking ask you cunt. Answering his question would take some effort, especially given the circumstances. At least he was eating an orange now. It was easier to sit in front of someone eating fruit than heavily-processed lunch meat. There was no telling what could be in there, to say nothing of how it smelled. She responded in a monotone, trying to not let his expletive-laden speech get to her.
"No, it's none of that. Just been hard to find sleep lately, to tell you the truth. And..." don't listen to the other, you're doing great, lass. "...It's, it's..." Caroline shook her head, frustrated that she found it so hard to focus. "It's like, maximum loud in here. I prefer libraries and quiet nooks. I guess I just said it was my bad since I got distracted, and couldn't really respond properly." tell him about jesus. he's probably never heard about jesus. not the right way anyhow.
She rolled her eyes, trying to play off the difficulty as if it wasn't really anything to worry about. It was definitely distracting, but nothing she and her therapist couldn't work through later. Maybe over-stimulation was a side effect of the meds she was on. It was only the first few weeks of Atavan, which was apparently a pretty rough antidepressant. It was a low dose at first, to see how she'd take to it. words of wisdom. drug abuser. what is this? road to hell paved with pills. stupid caroline. caroline? caroline!
Caroline tried to keep the conversation going, still trying to put on an air of pleasantness. She didn't want anyone to think she was being rude, or discourteous. It was important to keep up appearances, even if things weren't great. She had to set an example, after all. Especially given the sorry state of the school, if the lunch menu items were any indication.
"I just don't like bad first impressions, heh. Tryin' my best to-" CAROLINE, DON'T. DON'T TELL HIM."-just keep my head on straight. It's really a loud place in here, I prefer libraries and quiet nooks. Oh, I just said that didn't I? Good grief. I'm a bit out of it." now who's the gigantic, hairy asshole?
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VoltTurtle
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"Sleep deprived, huh? Yeah, I've been there."
Richard took another bite out of his orange. What Caroline was saying didn't really add up to how she was acting. Given the way she was talking, it just seemed like a bunch of excuses, trying to hide whatever her actual problem was.
Noisily chewing the orange flesh into a pulp and swallowing, he started to speak again. "The thing is though, I don't think that explains what you've been doing here. See, when I'm sleep deprived," he paused and waved his hand in the air for emphasis, "I don't start and stop in the middle of my sentences. I just talk slower or don't talk in general."
Putting his orange down, he put his arms behind his head and leaned back, looking at the ceiling of the cafeteria. "And, yeah, sure it's loud in here, but I like quiet places too, and I can talk in here just fine." He turned his gaze back towards Caroline. "No matter how I look at it, you're pausing a lot more than most people do, even under the current circumstances."
He smirked, a thought dawning on him. "So no, I think I know what's really going on here. The awkward stammering, wanting to make a good first impression..."
He leaned in over the table, his arms crossed in front of his tray, propping himself up.
"You're attracted to me and don't know how to say it, aren't you?"
Richard took another bite out of his orange. What Caroline was saying didn't really add up to how she was acting. Given the way she was talking, it just seemed like a bunch of excuses, trying to hide whatever her actual problem was.
Noisily chewing the orange flesh into a pulp and swallowing, he started to speak again. "The thing is though, I don't think that explains what you've been doing here. See, when I'm sleep deprived," he paused and waved his hand in the air for emphasis, "I don't start and stop in the middle of my sentences. I just talk slower or don't talk in general."
Putting his orange down, he put his arms behind his head and leaned back, looking at the ceiling of the cafeteria. "And, yeah, sure it's loud in here, but I like quiet places too, and I can talk in here just fine." He turned his gaze back towards Caroline. "No matter how I look at it, you're pausing a lot more than most people do, even under the current circumstances."
He smirked, a thought dawning on him. "So no, I think I know what's really going on here. The awkward stammering, wanting to make a good first impression..."
He leaned in over the table, his arms crossed in front of his tray, propping himself up.
"You're attracted to me and don't know how to say it, aren't you?"
Caroline squinted at Richard, trying to process what she'd just heard. It couldn't he didn't just say that, did he? You're a harlot Caroline, a sick stupid whore. So vile. Gargoyle.
How did I even make him think that? I look terrible right now, I'm barely staying awake. What part of my behaviour says "interested"?
It was hard to really think of what to say, and so Caroline spent some time staring at him, bug eyed and agape. Should she be polite, would that even work? She'd heard other girls talk about how they had to turn down guys hard because being polite didn't seem to work too well. Still, it hadn't happened to her yet. You're just meat to him. Meat. He'll devour you all the same. It was hard to imagine having to be mean for him to get the message. She still felt so singularly uncomfortable it was hard to see an alternative. Meat. Slut meat. Gnashing teeth. So disgusting.
Maybe it wasn't something she was doing. It was a distinct possibility it was Richard who wasn't himself. After all, she'd always been suspicious of the meat they served at the school. It couldn't have been good for the body who was to say it wasn't equally terrible for the mind, or the soul? You're the sick one. Sick and medicated. Doctrine and Covenants. Rotten meat. Caroline continued to stare at Richard, not entirely sure what to say. She looked down to take a bite of her lunch, looking back up again at him after she nervously swallowed the meal, which seemed all but tasteless.
"I uhh "want to fuck him don't you "Fuck. No. No, Richard I am not." An expression of horror passed over her face as Caroline realized she'd uttered a curse for the first time in her four years at George Hunter High School. It's okay to swear a wee bit, nobody's perfect. She backpedaled quickly, trying to put on a pleasant face and tone. You're not. Not even close.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to curse. I didn't know I gave off that impression, that's all. I are you sure you're alright? You don't usually come and talk to me. Is there something on your mind? Are you feeling okay?" You serve God. They serve poison here. Her mind lingered more and more on the genuinely disturbing notion that that Richard was having some kind of psychoactive reaction to the cafeteria food. The thought of what kind of chaos would result if everyone else started behaving as erratically as he did was a frightening one. Violation. Violence. Oranges. If that was the case, someone ought to do something before it got too out of hand.
Caroline resolved to stay and figure out what was going on with Richard, even if her stomach and her head were both screaming at her to leave the cafeteria and find a quiet spot to lie down. She had to figure out what was going on here.
At least until the bell rings. Then I'll make it to my next class. One foot in front of the other. I can do this. Can you?
How did I even make him think that? I look terrible right now, I'm barely staying awake. What part of my behaviour says "interested"?
It was hard to really think of what to say, and so Caroline spent some time staring at him, bug eyed and agape. Should she be polite, would that even work? She'd heard other girls talk about how they had to turn down guys hard because being polite didn't seem to work too well. Still, it hadn't happened to her yet. You're just meat to him. Meat. He'll devour you all the same. It was hard to imagine having to be mean for him to get the message. She still felt so singularly uncomfortable it was hard to see an alternative. Meat. Slut meat. Gnashing teeth. So disgusting.
Maybe it wasn't something she was doing. It was a distinct possibility it was Richard who wasn't himself. After all, she'd always been suspicious of the meat they served at the school. It couldn't have been good for the body who was to say it wasn't equally terrible for the mind, or the soul? You're the sick one. Sick and medicated. Doctrine and Covenants. Rotten meat. Caroline continued to stare at Richard, not entirely sure what to say. She looked down to take a bite of her lunch, looking back up again at him after she nervously swallowed the meal, which seemed all but tasteless.
"I uhh "want to fuck him don't you "Fuck. No. No, Richard I am not." An expression of horror passed over her face as Caroline realized she'd uttered a curse for the first time in her four years at George Hunter High School. It's okay to swear a wee bit, nobody's perfect. She backpedaled quickly, trying to put on a pleasant face and tone. You're not. Not even close.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to curse. I didn't know I gave off that impression, that's all. I are you sure you're alright? You don't usually come and talk to me. Is there something on your mind? Are you feeling okay?" You serve God. They serve poison here. Her mind lingered more and more on the genuinely disturbing notion that that Richard was having some kind of psychoactive reaction to the cafeteria food. The thought of what kind of chaos would result if everyone else started behaving as erratically as he did was a frightening one. Violation. Violence. Oranges. If that was the case, someone ought to do something before it got too out of hand.
Caroline resolved to stay and figure out what was going on with Richard, even if her stomach and her head were both screaming at her to leave the cafeteria and find a quiet spot to lie down. She had to figure out what was going on here.
At least until the bell rings. Then I'll make it to my next class. One foot in front of the other. I can do this. Can you?
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 1539
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- Location: Dreamland
Richard held his smirk as Caroline stared and talked, attempting to hold back his laughter all the while.
When she finally finished talking, he started to snicker, only to then let it all out, guffawing at the indignity of the situation he created. "No... no Caroline... fuck me that was funny... I was joking. Fuck, you think I actually thought you were coming onto me?"
He had known the whole time that she wasn't at all interested in talking to him, let alone date him. Her weird and uncomfortable body language had made that all too apparent from the instant he sat down. He had just thought it would be funny if he tried to play it off like he thought the opposite. He wasn't that great of an actor when it came to trying to hide his true intentions, but Caroline fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
He started to snicker again, only for his snickering to turn into yet more outright laughter. "I... oh man... shit I didn't think that'd work. Oh man..."
Richard sighed, wiping away tears that had built up in his eyes during his laughing fit. "No, no, I'm fine. I sat here just because I didn't have anywhere else to sit and I spoke because you were giving me weird looks."
His tone and expression took a turn for the serious as he rubbed his chin, half-formed stubble bristling against his hands. "Though, since you mentioned it..." He brushed a lock of hair out of his face as he considered his words. "You asked me if I was okay, but to be honest, I think you should be asking if you're okay. I feel like something's seriously wrong with you. Like... nobody talks the way you've been talking, stuttering between words like that."
"Now I dunno what's wrong, but..." He cocked his head to the side, briefly forgetting about the uneaten bits of what was left of his lunch. "You said sleep deprivation, but I don't think that's the whole picture with the way you're acting. Just how much sleep have you actually gotten in the last... I dunno, two or three weeks?"
When she finally finished talking, he started to snicker, only to then let it all out, guffawing at the indignity of the situation he created. "No... no Caroline... fuck me that was funny... I was joking. Fuck, you think I actually thought you were coming onto me?"
He had known the whole time that she wasn't at all interested in talking to him, let alone date him. Her weird and uncomfortable body language had made that all too apparent from the instant he sat down. He had just thought it would be funny if he tried to play it off like he thought the opposite. He wasn't that great of an actor when it came to trying to hide his true intentions, but Caroline fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
He started to snicker again, only for his snickering to turn into yet more outright laughter. "I... oh man... shit I didn't think that'd work. Oh man..."
Richard sighed, wiping away tears that had built up in his eyes during his laughing fit. "No, no, I'm fine. I sat here just because I didn't have anywhere else to sit and I spoke because you were giving me weird looks."
His tone and expression took a turn for the serious as he rubbed his chin, half-formed stubble bristling against his hands. "Though, since you mentioned it..." He brushed a lock of hair out of his face as he considered his words. "You asked me if I was okay, but to be honest, I think you should be asking if you're okay. I feel like something's seriously wrong with you. Like... nobody talks the way you've been talking, stuttering between words like that."
"Now I dunno what's wrong, but..." He cocked his head to the side, briefly forgetting about the uneaten bits of what was left of his lunch. "You said sleep deprivation, but I don't think that's the whole picture with the way you're acting. Just how much sleep have you actually gotten in the last... I dunno, two or three weeks?"
Laughing? Why is he laughing at- Oh.
Fool. Gargoyle. Meat. He knows.
Caroline once again could only stare blankly as Richard laughed, confused at why he'd ask such a statement if he didn't mean it sincerely. He certainly didn't seem sarcastic at the time. What was wrong with him? What would possess someone to act this way? She began to pack up her lunch wordlessly as she listened to him chortle, now having completely lost even the willpower to force food down. What a garbage human being. You are what you eat. Hot drinks.
"Nobody talks the way you've been talking, stuttering between words like that."
That wasn't true. There were plenty of people who didn't speak particularly concisely, especially when they were tired. Just what was Richard getting at? Why was he asking her so many questions? This seemed like some kind of interrogation. Did he know what she knew about the cafeteria food? Could he have been in on it? That seemed like a bit of a stretch, even for Richard. He was just some garbage person who couldn't bother to go somewhere else and bother someone else, some fucking ugly gargoyle of a teenager who couldn't bother than to be a mess in her presence, who was clearly poisoning everyone around his presence. Infectious, he's infectious. She didn't need this. It was still possible he was in on it. Who needed this?
Caroline blinked, trying to hold back her anger before suddenly interrupting Richard.
"I sleep just fine! It's rest I don't get. I'm just constantly interrupted by people shouting in my ear, or asking questions - people bothering me when I'm trying to just sit and eat my lunch, bothering me when I'm walking home, calling me when I'm trying to sleep to ask just stupid, inane things. People who don't have anything better to do than to mess with me and ask too many questions, who constantly remind me of what I'm not doing, or just say whatever comes to mind just to piss me off. WHY? You all just keep bothering me when I'm just trying to get through the day, just like trying to get from one hour-long torment to another. Like, do you have NOTHING better to do? Really?"
She continued through her tirade as she packed up her things and got up from the table at the cafeteria. She turned briefly to Richard before leaving, several minutes before the bell rang.
"Just don't ask, okay? I'm going through a lot of stuff right now and I just don't need more people asking questions. Okay? You don't ask any and I won't ask any about any of the things you're up to in this place. Oh, you think I don't know? I can see it even if everyone else can't."
Leave. Leave before he gets you. They know.
((Caroline Ford continued elsewhere))
Fool. Gargoyle. Meat. He knows.
Caroline once again could only stare blankly as Richard laughed, confused at why he'd ask such a statement if he didn't mean it sincerely. He certainly didn't seem sarcastic at the time. What was wrong with him? What would possess someone to act this way? She began to pack up her lunch wordlessly as she listened to him chortle, now having completely lost even the willpower to force food down. What a garbage human being. You are what you eat. Hot drinks.
"Nobody talks the way you've been talking, stuttering between words like that."
That wasn't true. There were plenty of people who didn't speak particularly concisely, especially when they were tired. Just what was Richard getting at? Why was he asking her so many questions? This seemed like some kind of interrogation. Did he know what she knew about the cafeteria food? Could he have been in on it? That seemed like a bit of a stretch, even for Richard. He was just some garbage person who couldn't bother to go somewhere else and bother someone else, some fucking ugly gargoyle of a teenager who couldn't bother than to be a mess in her presence, who was clearly poisoning everyone around his presence. Infectious, he's infectious. She didn't need this. It was still possible he was in on it. Who needed this?
Caroline blinked, trying to hold back her anger before suddenly interrupting Richard.
"I sleep just fine! It's rest I don't get. I'm just constantly interrupted by people shouting in my ear, or asking questions - people bothering me when I'm trying to just sit and eat my lunch, bothering me when I'm walking home, calling me when I'm trying to sleep to ask just stupid, inane things. People who don't have anything better to do than to mess with me and ask too many questions, who constantly remind me of what I'm not doing, or just say whatever comes to mind just to piss me off. WHY? You all just keep bothering me when I'm just trying to get through the day, just like trying to get from one hour-long torment to another. Like, do you have NOTHING better to do? Really?"
She continued through her tirade as she packed up her things and got up from the table at the cafeteria. She turned briefly to Richard before leaving, several minutes before the bell rang.
"Just don't ask, okay? I'm going through a lot of stuff right now and I just don't need more people asking questions. Okay? You don't ask any and I won't ask any about any of the things you're up to in this place. Oh, you think I don't know? I can see it even if everyone else can't."
Leave. Leave before he gets you. They know.
((Caroline Ford continued elsewhere))
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Grand Moff Hissa
- Posts: 2754
- Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:37 am
((Continued from Meditation and Premeditation))
"That was something," Sven said.
He hadn't really been spying on purpose, not really, just looking for a place to sit and eat. He'd been standing and picking at the food on his tray but had started to feel stupid, and that had led to worse feelings, feelings like only freaks stand because they're too scared to sit next to their classmates, and so he'd taken deep breaths and weighed his fears against each other and had decided to sit down, and he'd been making his way towards this mostly-vacant table just in time to witness... that.
It was not a good feeling. Something about what had just happened was strange and wriggling and familiar, like instead of a burger he'd been swallowing live worms and now they were knotting and twisting in his stomach. This could go a few ways and he was gonna reach for the best because he really didn't need today to get worse.
Sven laid a hand on the back of the chair that girl had so recently vacated, looked at the pale lanky giant opposite, perched there like hipster Dracula.
"Mind if I sit?"
"That was something," Sven said.
He hadn't really been spying on purpose, not really, just looking for a place to sit and eat. He'd been standing and picking at the food on his tray but had started to feel stupid, and that had led to worse feelings, feelings like only freaks stand because they're too scared to sit next to their classmates, and so he'd taken deep breaths and weighed his fears against each other and had decided to sit down, and he'd been making his way towards this mostly-vacant table just in time to witness... that.
It was not a good feeling. Something about what had just happened was strange and wriggling and familiar, like instead of a burger he'd been swallowing live worms and now they were knotting and twisting in his stomach. This could go a few ways and he was gonna reach for the best because he really didn't need today to get worse.
Sven laid a hand on the back of the chair that girl had so recently vacated, looked at the pale lanky giant opposite, perched there like hipster Dracula.
"Mind if I sit?"
I bid you all dark greetings!
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 1539
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- Location: Dreamland
Richard was left dumbfounded as Caroline got up and exited the cafeteria.
People bothering her constantly at all hours of the day? When she was walking home? Even when she was trying to sleep? Reminding her of things she hasn't done? What the hell was she on about?
He muttered "what the fuck" under his breath, before barely hearing a voice over the cacophony of noise that sounded like it was talking to him. Briefly turning to acknowledge the new arrival, Richard returned his gaze to the cafeteria exit, still processing what Caroline had said.
"Y-yeah sure dude, take a seat. I don't give a shit," he said, still staring at the barren looking doors. "What the fuck was her deal? What the hell did any of that even mean?"
He stuffed the last of the cafeteria burger in his mouth, chewing it up and swallowing without even thinking about it, still trying to make sense of it all. It was rare that anyone got Richard to care about whatever their deal was, but Caroline was a mystery, and he actually somewhat enjoyed mysteries.
He sat there and contemplated, trying to come up with explanations. Maybe she had annoying friends who wouldn't leave her alone during the day, maybe she had annoying siblings that constantly bothered her when she was trying to sleep. But what did she mean by 'what she's not doing'? More importantly, how would they know? Even more importantly, how as this happening to her constantly? Certainly she would get at least a few moments of respite?
What was her problem?
"...Is she just a fucking loon or something?"
People bothering her constantly at all hours of the day? When she was walking home? Even when she was trying to sleep? Reminding her of things she hasn't done? What the hell was she on about?
He muttered "what the fuck" under his breath, before barely hearing a voice over the cacophony of noise that sounded like it was talking to him. Briefly turning to acknowledge the new arrival, Richard returned his gaze to the cafeteria exit, still processing what Caroline had said.
"Y-yeah sure dude, take a seat. I don't give a shit," he said, still staring at the barren looking doors. "What the fuck was her deal? What the hell did any of that even mean?"
He stuffed the last of the cafeteria burger in his mouth, chewing it up and swallowing without even thinking about it, still trying to make sense of it all. It was rare that anyone got Richard to care about whatever their deal was, but Caroline was a mystery, and he actually somewhat enjoyed mysteries.
He sat there and contemplated, trying to come up with explanations. Maybe she had annoying friends who wouldn't leave her alone during the day, maybe she had annoying siblings that constantly bothered her when she was trying to sleep. But what did she mean by 'what she's not doing'? More importantly, how would they know? Even more importantly, how as this happening to her constantly? Certainly she would get at least a few moments of respite?
What was her problem?
"...Is she just a fucking loon or something?"
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Grand Moff Hissa
- Posts: 2754
- Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:37 am
"You'd be surprised," Sven said.
He pulled the chair out, willing himself not to wince at the horrible feeling of metal chair feet scraping against tile floor. It was soundless, but the subtle reverberations carried up his arm, and once the cells in his hand were set vibrating it felt in danger of turning his whole body into some all-encompassing hum, so he shut down that line of thought by quickly dropping into the seat. He put his tray on the table in front of him and took another big bite of his burger before realizing that what he'd offered was a vague non-answer that made it sound like he knew more than he did; what he actually knew was precisely nothing about the recently-departed girl, not even her name. He had surmises, conjectures, but they were not necessarily either grounded or fair.
Sven chewed hurriedly and swallowed too much at once, coughed three times into his hand to dislodge that horrible feeling of chewed bread product and the remains of a hundred intermingled cows sticking in his throat, and tried not to let the size of the guy across from him become too distracting.
"Sorry," he said, "went down the wrong throat. Pipe. Went down the wrong pipe."
A sip of boxed milk did nothing to wash away the shame or nerves.
"What I mean is," he said, "a lot of people are messed up, yeah?"
He pulled the chair out, willing himself not to wince at the horrible feeling of metal chair feet scraping against tile floor. It was soundless, but the subtle reverberations carried up his arm, and once the cells in his hand were set vibrating it felt in danger of turning his whole body into some all-encompassing hum, so he shut down that line of thought by quickly dropping into the seat. He put his tray on the table in front of him and took another big bite of his burger before realizing that what he'd offered was a vague non-answer that made it sound like he knew more than he did; what he actually knew was precisely nothing about the recently-departed girl, not even her name. He had surmises, conjectures, but they were not necessarily either grounded or fair.
Sven chewed hurriedly and swallowed too much at once, coughed three times into his hand to dislodge that horrible feeling of chewed bread product and the remains of a hundred intermingled cows sticking in his throat, and tried not to let the size of the guy across from him become too distracting.
"Sorry," he said, "went down the wrong throat. Pipe. Went down the wrong pipe."
A sip of boxed milk did nothing to wash away the shame or nerves.
"What I mean is," he said, "a lot of people are messed up, yeah?"
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VoltTurtle
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"Y-yeah," Richard mouthed, barely paying attention to what Sven was saying.
Richard picked up the unfinished orange, the last thing on his tray, and took a huge bite out of it, noisily munching on it. He was still focused on what Caroline had said, still unable to get it out of his head. It sounded like she really needed help, and that she needed to talk to someone. But why did he care? It wasn't his problem, even if she wound up shooting up the school after having a psychotic break, he'd either live and have a fun story to tell or he'd finally get to die without having to do it himself. It was a win/win situation, as far as he was concerned.
Maybe some part of him wanted to show kindness to another person for once, and that is why he wanted to help. Maybe the situation was just so weird that he didn't know what else to do other than tell someone else and have them take care of it. Maybe he secretly wanted to hit on her and didn't consciously realize it, crazy chicks had always been appealing to him, after all.
Richard realized he had been staring at his now empty tray and Sven had been talking the whole time, without him realizing. Deigning to respond even if he didn't really care for the interaction, he mouthed off, "yeah definitely, we live in a society."
Richard picked up the unfinished orange, the last thing on his tray, and took a huge bite out of it, noisily munching on it. He was still focused on what Caroline had said, still unable to get it out of his head. It sounded like she really needed help, and that she needed to talk to someone. But why did he care? It wasn't his problem, even if she wound up shooting up the school after having a psychotic break, he'd either live and have a fun story to tell or he'd finally get to die without having to do it himself. It was a win/win situation, as far as he was concerned.
Maybe some part of him wanted to show kindness to another person for once, and that is why he wanted to help. Maybe the situation was just so weird that he didn't know what else to do other than tell someone else and have them take care of it. Maybe he secretly wanted to hit on her and didn't consciously realize it, crazy chicks had always been appealing to him, after all.
Richard realized he had been staring at his now empty tray and Sven had been talking the whole time, without him realizing. Deigning to respond even if he didn't really care for the interaction, he mouthed off, "yeah definitely, we live in a society."
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Grand Moff Hissa
- Posts: 2754
- Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:37 am
"Yeah." Sven nodded. "Right."
Actually he had no clue what the guy across from him was talking about. Was it a comment on how a large number of people inevitably led to a greater concentration of ills when compared to a more solitary existence? Was he throwing the blame for the girl's malaise at the feet of society as a whole, either positing an inability to adapt on her part or else some more direct, nefarious cause? Was this some reflection on primitivism or rural vs. urban?
Really, though, Sven was kind of feeling the vagueness right now. Let the statement be any and all and none of those things. As it was, it let him coast along the surface and acknowledge that, yeah, some pretty strange stuff had just happened but at the same time didn't force him to wallow in it. This wasn't going to be a super meaningful conversation, he thought, and thank goodness for that.
Another few bites of the burger, another few sips of milk. He took it slowly this time, concentrating on the flavor, on the mechanical process of chewing. It was important to live in the moments, to savor the little things.
That girl's outburst was just going to stay with him, wasn't it? It was going to bother him, turn up again and again and make him wonder even as he didn't want to know at all. He could feel it.
Actually he had no clue what the guy across from him was talking about. Was it a comment on how a large number of people inevitably led to a greater concentration of ills when compared to a more solitary existence? Was he throwing the blame for the girl's malaise at the feet of society as a whole, either positing an inability to adapt on her part or else some more direct, nefarious cause? Was this some reflection on primitivism or rural vs. urban?
Really, though, Sven was kind of feeling the vagueness right now. Let the statement be any and all and none of those things. As it was, it let him coast along the surface and acknowledge that, yeah, some pretty strange stuff had just happened but at the same time didn't force him to wallow in it. This wasn't going to be a super meaningful conversation, he thought, and thank goodness for that.
Another few bites of the burger, another few sips of milk. He took it slowly this time, concentrating on the flavor, on the mechanical process of chewing. It was important to live in the moments, to savor the little things.
That girl's outburst was just going to stay with him, wasn't it? It was going to bother him, turn up again and again and make him wonder even as he didn't want to know at all. He could feel it.
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 1539
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
Stuffing the last of the orange into his mouth, Richard noisily chewed on it, watching Sven across from him dig into his own lunch.
He had finished everything on his plate at this point, not having gotten much to eat beyond the basic stuff that you have to have in every lunch before they let you actually sit down and eat. He could easily just get up and leave the table, but he felt like something was compelling him to stay. The orange helped him return to his usual demeanor and attitude, but he was still processing the things that Caroline had said, struggling to piece together what she meant by it. Maybe he felt like Sven could help.
But, first, the normal formalities were in order. Everyone always had to small talk before actually digging into the real meat of any given conversation. Richard didn't really care for that himself, when it came to talking with people, he tried to be all business. Unfortunately for him, though, skipping the small talk usually made people not want to bother with him. That was fine, most of the time, he didn't really care to talk to the vast majority of people he meets anyway. They were all assholes, frankly, and he didn't need to deal with them. In this case, however, he felt like Sven might actually know something that he didn't, given that he just specifically sat down at this specific table after that weird incident, despite all the empty seats available. He had said a lot of people were messed up, was that a statement to change the topic, or a lead-in to something else?
Richard sat for a few moments, trying to think of the best way to truly break the ice with him.
"So, what's your deal?"
He had finished everything on his plate at this point, not having gotten much to eat beyond the basic stuff that you have to have in every lunch before they let you actually sit down and eat. He could easily just get up and leave the table, but he felt like something was compelling him to stay. The orange helped him return to his usual demeanor and attitude, but he was still processing the things that Caroline had said, struggling to piece together what she meant by it. Maybe he felt like Sven could help.
But, first, the normal formalities were in order. Everyone always had to small talk before actually digging into the real meat of any given conversation. Richard didn't really care for that himself, when it came to talking with people, he tried to be all business. Unfortunately for him, though, skipping the small talk usually made people not want to bother with him. That was fine, most of the time, he didn't really care to talk to the vast majority of people he meets anyway. They were all assholes, frankly, and he didn't need to deal with them. In this case, however, he felt like Sven might actually know something that he didn't, given that he just specifically sat down at this specific table after that weird incident, despite all the empty seats available. He had said a lot of people were messed up, was that a statement to change the topic, or a lead-in to something else?
Richard sat for a few moments, trying to think of the best way to truly break the ice with him.
"So, what's your deal?"