V9 pregame is now open!

Reporting Live: V7

i will not edit ur posts tho go away yugi

This is the critique board, suggested by Outfoxd. Come here to request critiques and critique the work of others. The goal of this board is to be a respectful environment conducive to the improvement of writing skills.
Post Reply
User avatar
Cactus
Posts: 2089
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:36 pm
Location: Toronto, Canada

#16

Post by Cactus »

Morgan Dragosavich, plz and ty.
[+] V7

B027 - Morgan Dragosavich: "Now come on, you have a flight to catch."
Status: DECEASED
V7: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17
Pregame: P1 - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6 - P7 - M1 - PPr1 - PPr2 - T1 - T2 - T3

B042 - Connor Lorenzen: "You— you're gonna have to live with this for— for a long time. A long time, and I hope you do, brother. Really."
Status: DECEASED
V7: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14
Pregame: P1 - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6 - M1 - M2 - Pr1 - PoPr1 - T1

B005 - Claudeson Bademosi: "May you see your Redeemer face to face and enjoy the vision of God forever."
Status: DECEASED
V7: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20
Pregame: P1 - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6 -M1 - VPS - T1

B062 - Jeff Greene: "Wait a minute, you're not Palom—"
Status: DECEASED (adopted from Blastinus)
V7: 9 - 10 - 11

G042 - Ariana Moretti: "You were always here."
Status: DECEASED
V7: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Pregame: P1 - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6 - M1 - M2 - M3 - T1 - T2 - T3
[+] Meanwhile...

V7 (2018):

Life; As It Happens

1: The Essay; June 2, 2015
2: The Pizza; June 6, 2015
3: The Leak; June 7, 2015
4: The Safe; June 4, 2018
5: The Call; September 19, 2015
6: Coda
7: The Secret; June 4, 2018
8: ???; June 9, 2018
9: ???; June 10, 2018
10: ???; June 10, 2018
11: ???; September 13, 2018

Ross Miller

1: Shatterday; June 9, 2018
2: I Wait on You Inside the Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea; July 13, 2018 - ongoing
3: ???
4: ???
5: ???

Pregame: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - M1 - M2 - SP - Snapchat

Carl Fredericks/Steven Lorenzen: The Needs of the Many

V6 (2015)
Mrs. Ritch: Sweet Billy
[+] The Past

The Creme de la Creme

V3: B007 - Keith Jackson: At the end of the road he's running, looking back to survey where he's been.
V1/3: B077 - Adam Dodd: You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain. The truth lies somewhere in between.
V1: B087 - Sidney Crosby: It's only cowardice if other people are around to tell you so. Otherwise, it's survival.
V1: B092 - Eddie Serjeantson: Fully in charge, but not much of an arborist.
V2: B013 - Andrew Ponikarovsky: Probably could have used a proper license and a driving lesson.
V1: G005 - Amanda Jones: A breath of fresh air, and in the end, that was all it took.
V3: B099 - John Sheppard: Went out with a bang.
V3: B122 - Ryan Atwell: Couldn't help but write a "Dear John" letter.
Top
User avatar
Super Weegee
Posts: 228
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2018 6:14 pm

#17

Post by Super Weegee »

I'll throw Blake into the mix. Don't be afraid to come down hard since I too would like to improve.

Thanks!
V8 Relationships Thread
Brook Peterson
Lula Gray
[+] V7
V7 Appearance Tracker
ImageMatthew Hunt drawn by Ryuki and Kotorikun - Profile
Memories: 1 2
Pregame: 1 2 3 4
Trip: 1 2
V7: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Image Blake Davis - Profile - "...You knew..."
Memories: 1
Prom: 1
V7: 1 2 3 4
Any thoughts or criticisms on my writing are welcome and appreciated! Feel free to message me on Discord.
Top
User avatar
Shiola
Posts: 762
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:29 pm

#18

Post by Shiola »

Set your sights on Tyrell if you would.
Top
User avatar
Ryuki
Posts: 827
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:55 pm
Contact:
Contact Ryuki

#19

Post by Ryuki »

I nominate Zachary Beck, because I feel Ned won't last long.
[+] V9
Felicity "Flick" Franklin- Aspiring Chef
Wallace "Wally" Whitaker- Theater Guy
Donald "Don" Douglas- Gamer Geek
Taylor Turner- Tennis Tomboy
Simon Smith- Horror Nerd
[+] Past Characters
V8
Dominiqua Ashmore
Gwendolyn "Wendy" Kennedy
Karen Nguyen
Chester Folk

V7
Image Ned Jackson
Image Yuki Hayashibara
Image Zachary Beck
Top
User avatar
TheLordOfAwesome
Posts: 745
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
Location: Washington

#20

Post by TheLordOfAwesome »

I'll nominate Sierra Cook!
Top
User avatar
Fenris
Posts: 1520
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 5:56 pm
Location: hell probably

#21

Post by Fenris »

okay i know you're not changing characters during v7 but can i switch mine before it starts cause i wanna switch to nia karahalios if thats okay pls and thank
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
[+] v7
the dead:
Image[B040] Dante Valerio - Fell asleep too early.
[V7] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: None Now: [Start] Prom: [Start] Trip: [Start]
Image[G014] Apollonia "Nia" Karahalios - T-R-I-E-D.
[V7] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: None Trip: [Start]
Image[B004] Axel Fontaine - Lost his place.
[V7] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: [Start] Trip: [Start]
Image[G041] Ivy Langley - Together forever.
[V7] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: [Start] Trip: [Start]

the living:
ImageArtem Fyodorov - Desperate.
[Meanwhile] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: [Start]
ImageZen Alicea Feliciano - On vacation!
[Meanwhile] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: [Start]
Top
User avatar
Cicada
Posts: 1596
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:51 am
Location: agenda

#22

Post by Cicada »

Yep y'all can change as much as you want before V7 starts. I'll put a clear cut off date for switching when staff gives us one.
Top
User avatar
Cicada
Posts: 1596
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:51 am
Location: agenda

#23

Post by Cicada »

Reminder since Roll Call's begun! Any interested characters should be offered up before island proper begins, the day the island is opened up is when I'll lock this up and start with the reading + critiquing.
Top
User avatar
Deamon
Posts: 2411
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 3:28 pm

#24

Post by Deamon »

Read about the great and mighty Forrest of Quin.
V8
Aracelis Fuentes
California “Cali” Fox
Darryl Smith Jr.
Jessica Romero
[+] V7
G047 - Aliya Kimia Nemati - Blowgun w/ 10 Poison Darts - you're nobody till somebody kills you - "I just wanted to talk." - DEAD
G001 - Arizona Butler - Camping Stove - Dead Bxdies in the Lake Part II - ""We got there eventually." - DEAD
B046 - Bret Carter - Weighted Net - Swerve - "I'll just be on my way and we can all continue with our evenings." - DEAD
G022 - Forrest Quin - Ball-gag and handcuffs - DRUGS SAV3D MY LIF3 - "Abe-" - DEAD
Top
User avatar
BlizzardeyeWonder
Posts: 1086
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:41 pm
Location: the shadow realm

#25

Post by BlizzardeyeWonder »

Yannow what? I nominate Camilla Bell, resident grandma, recruiter of the Holy Gardening Cult, and self-appointed caretaker of venus flytraps.
she/her/he/him
[+] V8 - CURRENT

Meena Lalita Kumar
the dreaded SI
>Pregame Start: Cast Call
--> Pregame Status: Crying in the (music) club
>Homecoming Start: Dying Clean And Pretty
-->Homecoming Status: It's worse fresh (ish) off a breakup
>Game Start: It's Lights Out, And Away They Go!
-->Game Status (FINAL): The future sucks.

Tenshi Marie Anastasie Fukushima-Yves
#1 princess and voca-tuber in the whole wide world
>Pregame Start: Cast Call
--> Pregame Status: Trying and failing to share manga
>Homecoming Start: N/A
-->Homecoming Status: N/A
>Game Start: spawn more overlords!
-->Game Status (FINAL): A star has fallen.

Iliya "Liya" Polaris - DEAD
rebelling against a traditional Wiccan upbringing
>Pregame Start: Cast Call
--> Pregame Status: Some things are more important than a party
>Homecoming Start: Guys and Dolls
-->Homecoming Status: don't tell anyone this but she was actually one of the raccoons
>Game Start: A Question of Faith
-->Game Status (FINAL): The spirit was weak.

Daniel Ozanne
poker twink
>Pregame Start: Cast Call
--> Pregame Status: Uncomfortable questions
>Homecoming Start: N/A
-->Homecoming Status: N/A
>Game Start: nooooo don't get kidnapped by the AT your too sexy aha
-->Game Status: breaking down but trying to help
[+] V7
[+] Meilin
Meilin Zhou (Wiki) - DEAD

>Pregame Start: life observes itself
-->Pregame Status: Waltzed out a party with her crush
>Prom Start: Fancy Meeting You Here
-->Prom Status: Taking a dance, taking on the world
>Trip Start: The Best of You
-->Trip Status: Running away from an eyeful of NSFW
>Game Start: Rise Great Undead Lord Dread
-->Game Status (FINAL): Stop hitting yourself

Aesthetics
"No sun to rise would be okay with me... Everyday, every day is okay"
[+] Camilla
Camilla Bell (Wiki) - DEAD

>Pregame Start: Who's Turn Was It, Anyway?
-->Pregame Status: Had more than her fair share of revelry
>Prom Start: Early in the Morning
-->Prom Status: Ditching the drama for blues
>Trip Start: When I'm Gone
-->Trip Status: Preemptively homesick
>Game Start: Bloom Nobly, in a Transient Life
-->Game Status (FINAL): Loved to death.

Aesthetics
"A voice in her head, a voice in her head, screaming all the words that were left unsaid"
Top
User avatar
Cicada
Posts: 1596
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:51 am
Location: agenda

#26

Post by Cicada »

Timid plug only it doesn't come off that way because tone doesn't travel through typed text very well: few more days to sign up for this! I do intend to read everything in V7 (at the very least slowly), so tacking on a request for your character doesn't take too much extra off me.
Top
User avatar
Somersault
Posts: 312
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2018 8:56 am

#27

Post by Somersault »

Aditi Sharma, because I don't really know to write her(a).
[+] mona lisas and mad hatters
ImageImageImageImage
Appearance Tracker!
[+] a soiled dove finding herself
Image Tonya Collins - Got messy. - Unpretty - TLC
Memories: Child
Pregame: Rain
Prom: Honey
Trip: Furbies
Island: Girl - Way - Delicious - Rakshasa
Tonya by Irina!
Tonya by Ryuki!
[+] a damsel no longer
Image Kelly Nguyen: Couldn't claw back up. - 1234 - Feist
Memories:
Pregame: Universe - Puppies
Trip: Interesting
Island: Holiday - Play - Down - Robot - Unicorn
Kelly by Mimi!
Kelly by Ryuki!
[+] a sheriff trying to keep the peace
Image Adele Jones: Believed. - Good As Hell - Lizzo
Adele by Mimi!
Adele by Ryuki!
Memories:
Pregame: Chartreuself - Lair - Collisions
Trip: Down
Island: Hunger - Darwinism - Mario - Lucifer - House
[+] a cowboy looking for something to ride
ImageMike Brown: Spoke up. - Oh, What A World - Kacey Musgraves
Memories: Timog
Pregame:
Trip: Life
Island: Steady - Miles - Dive
Mike by Ryuki!
[+] tumbleweeds
[+] the town crier whispered
Image Keisha Higgins-Bell - Scouring out her next scoop. - Q.U.E.E.N. - Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu
Memories: President - Misery
Pregame: Talmbout - Time
Meanwhile: Wings - Persuasion - Everything
Keisha by Mimi!
Keisha by Ryuki!
Keisha by Kotori!
[+] v8
Ji-won "Daniel" Song is just praying along. - I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic.
Anna-Lynn "Ashlei" Mercado is staying in the spotlight. - Hit or miss, I guess they never miss, huh?
DeDe Dixon is the best. Definitely.
Pari Shirazi has been wreaking havoc since 2000!
Abby Davis wants to be in the know.
Top
Jan de Witt
Posts: 103
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2019 2:19 pm

#28

Post by Jan de Witt »

If it wouldn't be too much trouble, Theo Walterson. I'd like to know how my writing of him comes across to a reader.
Top
User avatar
Jilly
Posts: 1320
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:54 pm
Location: drinking all of your Dr. Pepper

#29

Post by Jilly »

May I ask for a last minute substitution with Katelynne Kirkpatrick in place of Abel? Had a change of heart and I must torture your eyes in a more equestrian way.
Top
User avatar
Polybius
Posts: 331
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 10:47 pm

#30

Post by Polybius »

Billy Trevino, please
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Critiques”