((Katelyn had been wandering alone for a while after leaving the cabin behind.))
The old road stretched out for what felt like miles, the cracked tarmac speaking to the desolation of this once inhabited place. She had been stuck in a state of liminality, trekking the space between the no longer and the not yet, her fated destination unknown to her. The cold of dusk nipped at her bloodstained cheeks as she walked, her outfit keeping winter's chill at bay for the time being. It was deathly silent, the snow devouring all noise save for the sound of her own heartbeat, a constant reminder that while she was still alive, the time she had left was steadily tick-ticking away.
The old road saw no travelers returning, not even herself. She had stuck by the path, but not on it, preferring the treeline nearby, and walking backwards so as to obfuscate her direction of travel. She stopped in place and scanned her surroundings, craning her neck around to make sure that she was alone—something she had done dozens of times over at this point—before continuing her lonely journey. She had to remain unseen and unheard, for the best way to avoid conflict was to not have the chance of starting one. The rusting bloodstains that painted her clothes meant that she couldn't trust anyone she didn't know. Maybe if she ran into Kai or Ren she could come out of hiding and take comfort in their presence, but until then, she was the only one walking her lonesome road.
She shook her head to clear the thought of her friends. She would find them later. Now, with the sun rapidly falling below the horizon, was the time to either find or make shelter. Whatever it was, it needed to be tucked away, for she needed somewhere to hide, to forestall her inevitable end.
Once more she scanned the forest, only for her thoughts to be interrupted by the faintest crunch of snow underfoot, somewhere in the far distance. Her hackles came up, and she immediately ducked behind the nearest tree, covering her mouth and holding her breath.
Now was the time to be quiet.
The Flesh Is Weak
Dusk, Day 1 (Private)
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VoltTurtle
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BlizzardeyeWonder
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[Iliya Polaris continued from Goblin Castle]
The others, Big Dick especially, were having a moment with Iris. Liya took one look at it, from a distance, and knew she couldn't crack into it. "I'm gonna be back before dark, don't worry," she said to Amaryllis and Lily. As if to assure them of that fact, she raised the billhook slightly, before going on her walk. She needed to run some coolant through her brain, but it wasn't like there was any convenient piping she could pour some snow into, and she wasn't sure if there was a "cool the fuck down" hormone. Even if there was it wasn't like she could just will it to start pumping. What use was a machine you had to live in, but couldn't even control?
The body was a machine. No "if"s about it - the more you contemplated what separated from an organic system from a machine the more muddled both became. And Liya had contemplated it a lot. Was a body excluded from being a machine because it was organic rather than metal? Then you also excluded contraptions made out of wood. Because it was living? You could, hypothetically, use living trees to make machines - and people non-hypotethically used the impulses of plants and the movements of fish to power machines. And that's not even getting into how the biological definition of "living" seemed to also be murky. What a machine was, in other words, was a matter of semantics. And Iliya called her body a machine. And the machine was overheating, not in the physical sense because it was fucking freezing, but in the mental one - the brain, after all, was an organ.
It wasn't that Liya wanted people to become machines, as people thought she did. First of all, don't threaten her with a good time, but second of all, that missed the point. The body was already a machine, it was a horribly flawed one. Liya hated that her hands could shake and twitch with her unable to stop it, that her thought processes seemed increasingly ruled by automatic stress responses. If it weren't for that, she would have lived up to her rebellious ideals and not immediately taken Danya's commands to heart. Sure, he spoke the truth, and if she was ever going to go home like she needed to, it would be inevitable. Still, Liya would have liked to believe if it weren't for some fearful, fighty impulse that overrode her sense of critical thinking, she would not have lifted her billhook against a defenseless classmate.
She carried that billhook openly at her side. It was not bloody - yet. Her hand gripped it tighter and her head jerked away from the road, as she heard a rustling head. She thought she saw movement, but there was nothing there. Nothing visible there, she should say. With careful steps, still gripping the billhook, she walked forward.
The others, Big Dick especially, were having a moment with Iris. Liya took one look at it, from a distance, and knew she couldn't crack into it. "I'm gonna be back before dark, don't worry," she said to Amaryllis and Lily. As if to assure them of that fact, she raised the billhook slightly, before going on her walk. She needed to run some coolant through her brain, but it wasn't like there was any convenient piping she could pour some snow into, and she wasn't sure if there was a "cool the fuck down" hormone. Even if there was it wasn't like she could just will it to start pumping. What use was a machine you had to live in, but couldn't even control?
The body was a machine. No "if"s about it - the more you contemplated what separated from an organic system from a machine the more muddled both became. And Liya had contemplated it a lot. Was a body excluded from being a machine because it was organic rather than metal? Then you also excluded contraptions made out of wood. Because it was living? You could, hypothetically, use living trees to make machines - and people non-hypotethically used the impulses of plants and the movements of fish to power machines. And that's not even getting into how the biological definition of "living" seemed to also be murky. What a machine was, in other words, was a matter of semantics. And Iliya called her body a machine. And the machine was overheating, not in the physical sense because it was fucking freezing, but in the mental one - the brain, after all, was an organ.
It wasn't that Liya wanted people to become machines, as people thought she did. First of all, don't threaten her with a good time, but second of all, that missed the point. The body was already a machine, it was a horribly flawed one. Liya hated that her hands could shake and twitch with her unable to stop it, that her thought processes seemed increasingly ruled by automatic stress responses. If it weren't for that, she would have lived up to her rebellious ideals and not immediately taken Danya's commands to heart. Sure, he spoke the truth, and if she was ever going to go home like she needed to, it would be inevitable. Still, Liya would have liked to believe if it weren't for some fearful, fighty impulse that overrode her sense of critical thinking, she would not have lifted her billhook against a defenseless classmate.
She carried that billhook openly at her side. It was not bloody - yet. Her hand gripped it tighter and her head jerked away from the road, as she heard a rustling head. She thought she saw movement, but there was nothing there. Nothing visible there, she should say. With careful steps, still gripping the billhook, she walked forward.
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VoltTurtle
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A wall of silence was all that greeted Iliya.
Shadows lengthened and the sky grew dimmer as the sun began to sink below the horizon.
The breeze picked up. The muted whistle of wind through tree branches blanketed the old road.
Faintly, the smell of copper wafted in her direction.
Shadows lengthened and the sky grew dimmer as the sun began to sink below the horizon.
The breeze picked up. The muted whistle of wind through tree branches blanketed the old road.
Faintly, the smell of copper wafted in her direction.
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BlizzardeyeWonder
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She kept looking around, and held up the billhook defensively. There was something here, even if it was only an animal.
Now that she thought of it, she hadn't seen that many animals. For a place in the remote wilderness, there was something oddly sterile about the island. She supposed it made sense in a twisted way, if the terrorists were here to prove a point. Or perhaps, run an experiment. They would want control over every variable, and that meant removing predators (there would be no hunters other than students) and prey (so that the main source of food would be the terrorist-assigned rations, whatever you had and whatever you could steal) from the equation.
One had to admit Survival Of The Fittest was very carefully crafted. Maybe it was to expose the flaws of human brain circuitry. Maybe Liya had played into their point so much better than she thought she did, at the time. She wasn't acting out of selfishness or a desire to be the fittest, but a desire to return to someone she cared about so much that everything in the way seemed like a necessary evil. That was infinitely more human, wasn't it?
Instincts and charismatic command overriding sense. It made sense.
But Danya's carefully-crafted demonstration meant Liya could reasonably count on what she saw being a fellow a classmate.
"Who's there?!" she shouted.
Now that she thought of it, she hadn't seen that many animals. For a place in the remote wilderness, there was something oddly sterile about the island. She supposed it made sense in a twisted way, if the terrorists were here to prove a point. Or perhaps, run an experiment. They would want control over every variable, and that meant removing predators (there would be no hunters other than students) and prey (so that the main source of food would be the terrorist-assigned rations, whatever you had and whatever you could steal) from the equation.
One had to admit Survival Of The Fittest was very carefully crafted. Maybe it was to expose the flaws of human brain circuitry. Maybe Liya had played into their point so much better than she thought she did, at the time. She wasn't acting out of selfishness or a desire to be the fittest, but a desire to return to someone she cared about so much that everything in the way seemed like a necessary evil. That was infinitely more human, wasn't it?
Instincts and charismatic command overriding sense. It made sense.
But Danya's carefully-crafted demonstration meant Liya could reasonably count on what she saw being a fellow a classmate.
"Who's there?!" she shouted.
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VoltTurtle
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No voice echoed back through the thicket.
Minutes passed, and the sun fully sank below the horizon, the forest illuminated only by arctic twilight.
There was a faint—almost inaudible—shnk of metal against plastic.
The copper odor grew more pungent.
Minutes passed, and the sun fully sank below the horizon, the forest illuminated only by arctic twilight.
There was a faint—almost inaudible—shnk of metal against plastic.
The copper odor grew more pungent.
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BlizzardeyeWonder
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Even faint sounds became deafening, when breaking through silence. Liya knew what that copper smell was - back home, she never got what there was to fear about blood. It was simply part of the circuitry of bodies. It'd leak out sometimes. If you lived on a farm and had to worry about coyotes, you'd have to worry if you saw it but not like this.
Of course, even now, blood wasn't the thing that Liya feared.
She spun around towards the sound and smell, and saw a tree.
It wasn't the same species but it reminded her of the tree behind the house, the one she didn't think was that big until Anna showed her something. She went and crouched behind it, and she was able to squeeze herself behind the tree. Liya was what, 10 at the time? And that meant Anna was 9, ish. Liya got taller and hardier. Anna didn't.
She approached, billhook slightly - only slightly - lowered. Leaning to the side, she peered behind the tree.
Her prediction was right, it seemed.
Of course, even now, blood wasn't the thing that Liya feared.
She spun around towards the sound and smell, and saw a tree.
It wasn't the same species but it reminded her of the tree behind the house, the one she didn't think was that big until Anna showed her something. She went and crouched behind it, and she was able to squeeze herself behind the tree. Liya was what, 10 at the time? And that meant Anna was 9, ish. Liya got taller and hardier. Anna didn't.
She approached, billhook slightly - only slightly - lowered. Leaning to the side, she peered behind the tree.
Her prediction was right, it seemed.
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VoltTurtle
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"Stay away," Katelyn hissed, her voice cutting through the silence like her knife cut through the air, its bloody point now thrust straight in Iliya's direction.
Briefly, Meena's voice echoed in Katelyn's head, the curt yet piercing question—or what?—once again brought to her attention. She dashed it away, for she knew the right answer now. Fated to die she may be, but If someone were to try to kill her, she wasn't just going to let them. She would claw and bite and kick and scream until her very last breath. She refused to go gentle into that good night. Not because she wanted to live, but merely because she was afraid to die.
Katelyn took a step back, grabbing the knife hilt with both hands to steady her trembling arms, her breathing rapid and uneven.
"I d-don't want to hurt you," she quavered, eyes locked on the wicked blade her adversary was holding. "S-So just l-let me go."
Briefly, Meena's voice echoed in Katelyn's head, the curt yet piercing question—or what?—once again brought to her attention. She dashed it away, for she knew the right answer now. Fated to die she may be, but If someone were to try to kill her, she wasn't just going to let them. She would claw and bite and kick and scream until her very last breath. She refused to go gentle into that good night. Not because she wanted to live, but merely because she was afraid to die.
Katelyn took a step back, grabbing the knife hilt with both hands to steady her trembling arms, her breathing rapid and uneven.
"I d-don't want to hurt you," she quavered, eyes locked on the wicked blade her adversary was holding. "S-So just l-let me go."
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BlizzardeyeWonder
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Liya froze, keeping the billhook between her and Kitty.
On Anna's block, there was a stray cat. It was slender, with a tuxedo pattern and soft, short fur. Anna once told Liya that before they got back in contact, that she would sit on one of the little stone ledges separating a patch of grass from the sidewalk and pet it, telling it about her problems. Liya met that cat, but the moment she reached her hand towards it it stepped back, and had its ears pinned back - the sign was clear.
Anna always wanted to feed it, but her mom nigh-religiously kept track of all the food in the house. After school one day, Liya took Anna to the store and they got a can of tuna, which gave Liya an opening to teach Anna how to use a can opener.
At some point, the cat just didn't show up anymore. Idealistically, the local cat shelter found it and took it in, and right now it was lounging on some sunny windowsill as someone's happy companion animal. Realistically, given the busy roads, cold winters, and coyotes...
Of course she knew Kitty. Liya had always kept her distance from her, not because she thought Kitty was cringe or whatever, but because she seemed very... sensitive. Like, Anna was also sensitive, but Anna was different. But was she, or had Liya's brain just run on some stupid, overriding impulse? Some need to preserve her emotional energy?
But more importantly than that, there was something deeply suspicious about Kitty right now. She was covered in blood, brandishing a bloodied knife right at her, hidden away in the trees, and though she said she didn't want to hurt Liya, panic or paranoia or just plain dislike might override that decision. In that way, they were united - running the same operating system.
Yet, she couldn't look Kitty in the eyes and think about driving the billhook forward. She tentatively tilted it so that it's blade was no longer pointed at her, the flat side of the blade parallel to Liya's body.
"If you lower your knife, I'll lower mine," she offered. Of course, she was wary - but Liya had to be better than her automatic stress responses. They were human, but she wanted to be better than that.
On Anna's block, there was a stray cat. It was slender, with a tuxedo pattern and soft, short fur. Anna once told Liya that before they got back in contact, that she would sit on one of the little stone ledges separating a patch of grass from the sidewalk and pet it, telling it about her problems. Liya met that cat, but the moment she reached her hand towards it it stepped back, and had its ears pinned back - the sign was clear.
Anna always wanted to feed it, but her mom nigh-religiously kept track of all the food in the house. After school one day, Liya took Anna to the store and they got a can of tuna, which gave Liya an opening to teach Anna how to use a can opener.
At some point, the cat just didn't show up anymore. Idealistically, the local cat shelter found it and took it in, and right now it was lounging on some sunny windowsill as someone's happy companion animal. Realistically, given the busy roads, cold winters, and coyotes...
Of course she knew Kitty. Liya had always kept her distance from her, not because she thought Kitty was cringe or whatever, but because she seemed very... sensitive. Like, Anna was also sensitive, but Anna was different. But was she, or had Liya's brain just run on some stupid, overriding impulse? Some need to preserve her emotional energy?
But more importantly than that, there was something deeply suspicious about Kitty right now. She was covered in blood, brandishing a bloodied knife right at her, hidden away in the trees, and though she said she didn't want to hurt Liya, panic or paranoia or just plain dislike might override that decision. In that way, they were united - running the same operating system.
Yet, she couldn't look Kitty in the eyes and think about driving the billhook forward. She tentatively tilted it so that it's blade was no longer pointed at her, the flat side of the blade parallel to Liya's body.
"If you lower your knife, I'll lower mine," she offered. Of course, she was wary - but Liya had to be better than her automatic stress responses. They were human, but she wanted to be better than that.
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VoltTurtle
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Katelyn's breathing steadied slightly, her frayed nerves normalizing as she realized they would not be coming to blows.
Iliya had been a known element to Katelyn. She didn't properly know the other girl, but she knew of her. That meant that Iliya was in the same position as most of Katelyn's other classmates; someone that she had seen frequently enough, but never really spoken to. Familiar enough that—current circumstances notwithstanding—Katelyn had no reason to be alarmed by her presence, yet unfamiliar enough that Katelyn was still cautious. After all, humans were difficult, temperamental, and unpredictable. None of them could ever really be trusted, save those special few that had just the right combination of agreeableness and open-mindedness to make them tolerable to be around.
At least they had something in common, something Katelyn couldn't say about most of her classmates. Iliya was odd in a similar way to Katelyn herself, with strange and unconventional interests. The biggest difference between them, then, was how they approached their statuses as relative outsiders. Iliya was outspoken and confrontational, willing to fight for who she was and what she believed in. Katelyn, meanwhile, was shy and skittish, years of abuse making her timid and unwilling to defend herself even when it was warranted.
Katelyn took another step back, and after a long, tense silence, lowered the knife until it was pointing at the ground. Her eyes locked on Iliya's own, and her lips twisted into an ashamed frown, her gaze betraying her guilt over her paranoia.
"S-Sorry."
Iliya had been a known element to Katelyn. She didn't properly know the other girl, but she knew of her. That meant that Iliya was in the same position as most of Katelyn's other classmates; someone that she had seen frequently enough, but never really spoken to. Familiar enough that—current circumstances notwithstanding—Katelyn had no reason to be alarmed by her presence, yet unfamiliar enough that Katelyn was still cautious. After all, humans were difficult, temperamental, and unpredictable. None of them could ever really be trusted, save those special few that had just the right combination of agreeableness and open-mindedness to make them tolerable to be around.
At least they had something in common, something Katelyn couldn't say about most of her classmates. Iliya was odd in a similar way to Katelyn herself, with strange and unconventional interests. The biggest difference between them, then, was how they approached their statuses as relative outsiders. Iliya was outspoken and confrontational, willing to fight for who she was and what she believed in. Katelyn, meanwhile, was shy and skittish, years of abuse making her timid and unwilling to defend herself even when it was warranted.
Katelyn took another step back, and after a long, tense silence, lowered the knife until it was pointing at the ground. Her eyes locked on Iliya's own, and her lips twisted into an ashamed frown, her gaze betraying her guilt over her paranoia.
"S-Sorry."
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BlizzardeyeWonder
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As promised, Liya lowered the billhook. She let it hang in her hand, at her side, once more.
For a while, she didn't know what to say. The situation had been seemingly defused, to the point that Kitty was apologizing for it even happening - genuinely. Or at least, Liya thought it was genuine. Humans were flawed machines, but one place Liya disagreed with some of her more cynical peers was that those flaws made people cruel, selfish, unable to be trusted to govern their own actions. That was an unproductive line of thought, that refused to acknowledge the harm of selflessness, conviction... one of the flaws of the systems (body, society, etc.) they were trapped in, was how one could input such highly idealistic things and output horrific suffering, overrides and patches bridging the cognitive dissonance of the perpetrators.
She looked Kitty in the eyes. As long as Liya could see her eyes, she could prevent that. Another patch-job, a hack if you will. Yet, it had a glaringly obvious expiry date - if not now, tomorrow. If not tomorrow, next week. Even if she hated it, she understood why the stranger settings of moral reasoning were the way they were, in a more intimate way now.
And she really, really fucking hated that too. And she hated hearing Kitty say sorry for what exactly? But then again,
"Good fucking god," she muttered. "I know now you don't wanna hurt me, but I saw someone covered in blood with a bloody weapon hiding out in the trees and my first thought was 'ambush'."
She wasn't in the wrong for being defensive, especially not on murder island - right? Her instincts kicked in the same way anyone's would have kicked in. Liya didn't want to say sorry back, even if she kinda didn't want Kitty to say sorry either. She kinda hated hearing the word, especially in that tone, with that pitch - and Kitty was a little sister, Liya recalled. She hated hearing it because she knew what it meant when someone apologized seemingly for existing.
For a while, she didn't know what to say. The situation had been seemingly defused, to the point that Kitty was apologizing for it even happening - genuinely. Or at least, Liya thought it was genuine. Humans were flawed machines, but one place Liya disagreed with some of her more cynical peers was that those flaws made people cruel, selfish, unable to be trusted to govern their own actions. That was an unproductive line of thought, that refused to acknowledge the harm of selflessness, conviction... one of the flaws of the systems (body, society, etc.) they were trapped in, was how one could input such highly idealistic things and output horrific suffering, overrides and patches bridging the cognitive dissonance of the perpetrators.
She looked Kitty in the eyes. As long as Liya could see her eyes, she could prevent that. Another patch-job, a hack if you will. Yet, it had a glaringly obvious expiry date - if not now, tomorrow. If not tomorrow, next week. Even if she hated it, she understood why the stranger settings of moral reasoning were the way they were, in a more intimate way now.
And she really, really fucking hated that too. And she hated hearing Kitty say sorry for what exactly? But then again,
"Good fucking god," she muttered. "I know now you don't wanna hurt me, but I saw someone covered in blood with a bloody weapon hiding out in the trees and my first thought was 'ambush'."
She wasn't in the wrong for being defensive, especially not on murder island - right? Her instincts kicked in the same way anyone's would have kicked in. Liya didn't want to say sorry back, even if she kinda didn't want Kitty to say sorry either. She kinda hated hearing the word, especially in that tone, with that pitch - and Kitty was a little sister, Liya recalled. She hated hearing it because she knew what it meant when someone apologized seemingly for existing.
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VoltTurtle
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"I-"
Katelyn wasn't surprised that the blood was the first thing Iliya noticed, but a stab of pain and panic shot through her chest nonetheless. What else would she have noticed? The cute kitty-cat charm could only go so far, and obfuscate so many layers of ugliness. Except now, all of her ugliness was on the outside for everyone to see. This was going to be the default experience for the rest of Katelyn's short, miserable life.
Time to explain.
"There- there was an a-accident," she babbled, trying to keep her head straight. "I k-killed someone. I didn't m-mean to, but..."
Her arm came up, palm pressing against the rough bark of the tree that she had been formerly hiding behind. She had just admitted to murder, to someone she barely knew, and couldn't reasonably predict. Would Iliya be understanding, in light of Katelyn sparing her, or would she make the wrong assumptions? Maybe Meena had been right, and it would've been better to lie after all.
"I- I'm s-sorry," she murmured, fighting desperately to keep her tears from spilling out, like the crybaby she was. "I was scared. I thought you were going to h-hurt me."
Katelyn wasn't surprised that the blood was the first thing Iliya noticed, but a stab of pain and panic shot through her chest nonetheless. What else would she have noticed? The cute kitty-cat charm could only go so far, and obfuscate so many layers of ugliness. Except now, all of her ugliness was on the outside for everyone to see. This was going to be the default experience for the rest of Katelyn's short, miserable life.
Time to explain.
"There- there was an a-accident," she babbled, trying to keep her head straight. "I k-killed someone. I didn't m-mean to, but..."
Her arm came up, palm pressing against the rough bark of the tree that she had been formerly hiding behind. She had just admitted to murder, to someone she barely knew, and couldn't reasonably predict. Would Iliya be understanding, in light of Katelyn sparing her, or would she make the wrong assumptions? Maybe Meena had been right, and it would've been better to lie after all.
"I- I'm s-sorry," she murmured, fighting desperately to keep her tears from spilling out, like the crybaby she was. "I was scared. I thought you were going to h-hurt me."
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BlizzardeyeWonder
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Once again, Liya had no words. She could envision it as typing something into a search engine that trawled through the database of memories, social knowledge, emotional intelligence - it'd stall and work and load for precious seconds and come up either empty or with myriad not-actually-relevant results.
She'd told Big Dick as much, though not quite directly, that she suspected that someone had already killed. In his words, people were already falling into the roles of victim or villain. Liya fought the impulse to turn her gaze away from Kitty's tears, because she could not let herself forget Kitty was - despite everything - a classmate, and someone's little sister. At the same time, if she did let herself forget - would Liya have done anything wrong?
The first mental patch after doing something you yourself identified as wrong was to minimize how wrong it was. It was an accident. It was instinct. That sounded familiar, and it would continue to echo.
Nobody chose what they became on this island. Maybe that was the point.
And Kitty was still apologizing, and god, if this were Anna speaking Liya wouldn't be feeling so angry inside about it. Well, actually, she would - it wouldn't be at Anna though. And now that she thought about it, she wasn't mad at Kitty either.
She pressed her lips into a line for a moment, before she spoke. "...what are you apologizing to me for, anyway? Existing?"
Another flaw of the human brain: imperfect memory. If Liya could neatly store and retrieve her memories as files, she'd take a look at every conversation she had with Anna about this exact topic, and she'd remember that she could be gentle if she wanted to be.
She'd told Big Dick as much, though not quite directly, that she suspected that someone had already killed. In his words, people were already falling into the roles of victim or villain. Liya fought the impulse to turn her gaze away from Kitty's tears, because she could not let herself forget Kitty was - despite everything - a classmate, and someone's little sister. At the same time, if she did let herself forget - would Liya have done anything wrong?
The first mental patch after doing something you yourself identified as wrong was to minimize how wrong it was. It was an accident. It was instinct. That sounded familiar, and it would continue to echo.
Nobody chose what they became on this island. Maybe that was the point.
And Kitty was still apologizing, and god, if this were Anna speaking Liya wouldn't be feeling so angry inside about it. Well, actually, she would - it wouldn't be at Anna though. And now that she thought about it, she wasn't mad at Kitty either.
She pressed her lips into a line for a moment, before she spoke. "...what are you apologizing to me for, anyway? Existing?"
Another flaw of the human brain: imperfect memory. If Liya could neatly store and retrieve her memories as files, she'd take a look at every conversation she had with Anna about this exact topic, and she'd remember that she could be gentle if she wanted to be.
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VoltTurtle
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"A little."
Katelyn's answer was automatic, blunt, and honest.
"I already wasn't very well liked before... all of th-this," she gestured with the knife to their surroundings. "And I don't think being c-covered in blood is going to do me any f-favors."
Her fingers felt stiff, and numbed by cold. She squeezed the hilt of the blade to warm them up, and after a moment of thought, flipped it around so it was no longer pointed at Iliya. Despite this gesture of good will, she kept the blade side down, and still at the ready. Iliya wasn't hostile, but that didn't mean Katelyn was going to lower her guard.
"I just think people are going to a-assume ill of me. It'll be even w-worse tomorrow, once e-everyone hears about... what- what I d- did."
She scanned their surroundings on reflex, ears focused on the world around her, but she saw no-one, and heard nothing. Iliya was alone, much like Katelyn herself. Presumably she had her own reasons for that, yet, Iliya was acting as though help was nearby. If she was alone, why throw herself into a confrontation?
"Um, p-pardon me, but," she squeaked, "if you thought I was going to a-ambush you... w-why did you come c-closer?"
Katelyn's answer was automatic, blunt, and honest.
"I already wasn't very well liked before... all of th-this," she gestured with the knife to their surroundings. "And I don't think being c-covered in blood is going to do me any f-favors."
Her fingers felt stiff, and numbed by cold. She squeezed the hilt of the blade to warm them up, and after a moment of thought, flipped it around so it was no longer pointed at Iliya. Despite this gesture of good will, she kept the blade side down, and still at the ready. Iliya wasn't hostile, but that didn't mean Katelyn was going to lower her guard.
"I just think people are going to a-assume ill of me. It'll be even w-worse tomorrow, once e-everyone hears about... what- what I d- did."
She scanned their surroundings on reflex, ears focused on the world around her, but she saw no-one, and heard nothing. Iliya was alone, much like Katelyn herself. Presumably she had her own reasons for that, yet, Iliya was acting as though help was nearby. If she was alone, why throw herself into a confrontation?
"Um, p-pardon me, but," she squeaked, "if you thought I was going to a-ambush you... w-why did you come c-closer?"
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BlizzardeyeWonder
- Posts: 1086
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:41 pm
- Location: the shadow realm
Why did she have to ask that?
There was some heroic impulse in Liya despite what she'd done. There was a heroic impulse in Liya because of what she'd done. There was a chance (Liya guessed 50/50) that her group would travel through here, and if Liya didn't encounter Kitty first, they would together, and definitely not as quietly or carefully. The gunshot echoed in her mind, that stupid gunshot. But if she nearly took a life, it stood to reason that the only way to balance it out was to save that life, right? Or maybe Liya could just no longer stomach the thought of Richard dying.
Being a protector here inevitably meant being a killer, but Liya was hoping she'd confront that, you know. After the fact. After a rush of adrenaline begins to wear off and the moral defense systems of the psyche came online, and she could make excuses. She wasn't thinking. She was defending herself. She was defending someone else (specific, or hypothetical). She did something good, by doing something wrong. Ultimately all of them were machines who were only partly ruled by the rational, conscious brain and everything about their situation was tailor-made to bypass that critical processing, so none of them were technically at fault for anything that happened here.
Did that not apply to Kitty? Now that Liya thought about it, it would be such a transparent excuse, the kind only an utter asshole would genuinely use. Despite every excuse she could conjure up for herself, and by extension for Kitty, there was still a sick feeling when she thought about what Kitty had done, and she didn't know why she was so special about it.
She took a moment, to get her thoughts in order. "I was just... scouting around, I guess." Liya shrugged. "If I saw an ambush coming and didn't try to defuse it or warn the next guy, I'm kind of responsible, right?"
She kept the billhook slightly raised, but still at her side. Maybe, despite everything, Kitty scared her. Maybe she was too unpredictable, too mercurial, and too much more willing to follow through than Liya was. The cat had hissed and showed its claws - the sign was clear.
There was some heroic impulse in Liya despite what she'd done. There was a heroic impulse in Liya because of what she'd done. There was a chance (Liya guessed 50/50) that her group would travel through here, and if Liya didn't encounter Kitty first, they would together, and definitely not as quietly or carefully. The gunshot echoed in her mind, that stupid gunshot. But if she nearly took a life, it stood to reason that the only way to balance it out was to save that life, right? Or maybe Liya could just no longer stomach the thought of Richard dying.
Being a protector here inevitably meant being a killer, but Liya was hoping she'd confront that, you know. After the fact. After a rush of adrenaline begins to wear off and the moral defense systems of the psyche came online, and she could make excuses. She wasn't thinking. She was defending herself. She was defending someone else (specific, or hypothetical). She did something good, by doing something wrong. Ultimately all of them were machines who were only partly ruled by the rational, conscious brain and everything about their situation was tailor-made to bypass that critical processing, so none of them were technically at fault for anything that happened here.
Did that not apply to Kitty? Now that Liya thought about it, it would be such a transparent excuse, the kind only an utter asshole would genuinely use. Despite every excuse she could conjure up for herself, and by extension for Kitty, there was still a sick feeling when she thought about what Kitty had done, and she didn't know why she was so special about it.
She took a moment, to get her thoughts in order. "I was just... scouting around, I guess." Liya shrugged. "If I saw an ambush coming and didn't try to defuse it or warn the next guy, I'm kind of responsible, right?"
She kept the billhook slightly raised, but still at her side. Maybe, despite everything, Kitty scared her. Maybe she was too unpredictable, too mercurial, and too much more willing to follow through than Liya was. The cat had hissed and showed its claws - the sign was clear.
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 1540
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
"That's very k-kind of you."
And a very dangerous mindset to have in a place such as this, Katelyn noted to herself. Altruism for the sake of it did nothing to enhance one's odds of survival, especially not throwing yourself into harm's way on purpose. Whoever it was that was ultimately fated to leave the island, it certainly wasn't going to be Iliya. They had that in common too, she supposed.
Katelyn felt herself gradually uncoiling, so wound up as she was from the long, tense build up to this confrontation. If Iliya was willing to put herself in harm's way for no reason other than that it was the right thing to do, then it was unlikely that she was going to hurt Katelyn herself. They weren't exactly friends, but a level-headed conversation was a far cry from how she had expected this to end. Perhaps she had been wrong to be so universally mistrusting of her classmates. Despite everything, even under the worst circumstances, people still had the capability to be good.
She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, sniffling, her previous panic fully subsiding. She looked around at their surroundings, the forest growing darker as the remaining twilight began to fade. As surprisingly nice as this encounter was, it had wasted quite a lot of valuable time. She needed to find shelter soon, lest the reaper come for her in the guise of winter's chill.
"Um, I need to f-find a place to stay, for the night. Do you know anywhere that's s-safe? I've got a heater, s-so maybe we could, um, stay together?"
And a very dangerous mindset to have in a place such as this, Katelyn noted to herself. Altruism for the sake of it did nothing to enhance one's odds of survival, especially not throwing yourself into harm's way on purpose. Whoever it was that was ultimately fated to leave the island, it certainly wasn't going to be Iliya. They had that in common too, she supposed.
Katelyn felt herself gradually uncoiling, so wound up as she was from the long, tense build up to this confrontation. If Iliya was willing to put herself in harm's way for no reason other than that it was the right thing to do, then it was unlikely that she was going to hurt Katelyn herself. They weren't exactly friends, but a level-headed conversation was a far cry from how she had expected this to end. Perhaps she had been wrong to be so universally mistrusting of her classmates. Despite everything, even under the worst circumstances, people still had the capability to be good.
She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, sniffling, her previous panic fully subsiding. She looked around at their surroundings, the forest growing darker as the remaining twilight began to fade. As surprisingly nice as this encounter was, it had wasted quite a lot of valuable time. She needed to find shelter soon, lest the reaper come for her in the guise of winter's chill.
"Um, I need to f-find a place to stay, for the night. Do you know anywhere that's s-safe? I've got a heater, s-so maybe we could, um, stay together?"