Keith Rogers

[Malloon]

Name: Keith Rogers
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: George Hunter High School
Hobbies and Interests: Basketball, drawing, singing, songwriting, playing guitar, posting on political forums

Appearance: Standing at 6'2'', Keith is quite tall, and with reasonably broad shoulders and natural muscle he is a mildly imposing figure, but his poor diet has left him skinnier than he could be. He has dirty-blonde hair cut an inch long and brown eyes. His face could be handsome, with prominent cheekbones, a well-defined chin and an overall symmetry, but his bad diet and sleep-schedule have left him with greasy skin, acne and chronic bags under his eyes, a combination accentuated by his very pale complexion.

Keith dresses in cheap, easy to wear, outlet store-brand clothes, consisting mostly of a bunch of t-shirts, jeans and hoodies for in the winter. He owns a leather jacket with symbols that highlight his political affiliation, which he only ever wears outside of school.

On the day of the abduction he was wearing sneakers, jeans and a white t-shirt.

Biography: Keith's parents are Nancy and Gregory Rogers. He was born on the second of January in 2000, on the outskirts of Chattanooga. He was a healthy, happy baby, growing quickly and doted on by his parents, but the fact his parents were poor and he was unplanned meant they often had financial problems, and his father would often pull multiple shifts to help them to get by. His mother, Nancy, was a loving mother and wife, but she had been completely unprepared for both jobs, having married Gregory a month after Keith's conception. This meant she often struggled to keep up with the housework and didn't know how to handle it at first when Keith cried, though she persisted and got better. His father, Gregory, was responsible, strict and caring, but he was equally unprepared for a baby and was insecure about himself and his abilities as a parent, so was more than happy to let Nancy raise him while he worked as a security guard. He got more involved as Keith got older, but during the first few years he rarely interacted with his son.

Despite these setbacks, Keith grew up to be a social and athletic young boy. He visited kindergarten from the age of six and enjoyed playing and participating in activities. He proved to be artistic, liking to draw, sing and paint. His parents couldn't afford to enroll him in any sports, but he spent a lot of time running, jumping and climbing in kindergarten, so it didn't matter. He found a competitive streak in himself during his time playing with friends. At home he spent a lot of his time drawing, inviting friends over and visiting them, which gave Nancy some breathing room, so she encouraged this. While he had chores, he would often neglect them, preferring to do the things he liked. Nancy usually let him, preferring to simply do the chores herself than continually pester Keith to do them, assuming she even got around to them at all. Keith's competitiveness sometimes caused fights and arguments with his like-minded friends, however, which sometimes turned physical. It was only on these rare occasions that Nancy stepped in and after a few times managed to quite intensely (because she became so frustrated over how to handle the situation that she started crying) impress on Keith that violence against friends was very bad and wrong. An unforeseen consequence of this was that Keith became very disdainful of those peers he had that were rougher, which in the kindergarten his parents had picked out included the few minority children in his year group. Because of this a weak but existing association was established, which would only be strengthened as he got older.

Two years after Keith was born Nancy gave birth to his sister, Helen. She was a very lively and stubborn child, and Keith and her got along pretty well some times and not at all at others. He always cared a lot for his little sister, though. The added pressure of another child to care for was another reason why Nancy prefered to let Keith do as he pleased, since he rarely got into trouble when he was home, and often wasn't. Despite this she did eventually manage to instill some rules related to the things that mattered most to her: Respect your father and let him sleep, no physical fighting with friends, and be kind to your sister.

Gregory worked for a security firm in Chattanooga, and eventually got promoted to supervisor when Keith was nine. It was because of this promotion that he decided that they could afford to buy a house closer to the center of Chattanooga. Keith didn't take the news that they would be moving away well. He sulked, cried, and even tried to run away from home. With Nancy at a complete loss what to do, Gregory stepped in and gave his first father-son talk, the topic being that selfishness such as Keith had shown was immature and irresponsible, and unfair to the rest of the family. This deeply impressed Keith, since until that point he had seen his father almost as a stranger, and maybe as competition. One to be respected, as Nancy had taught him, but one who lived outside of Keith's world in the big and scary but novel adult world. Him taking an interest in and a stand on Keith's behaviour was unexpected and shocking to Keith, and forever changed his outlook. He never again made a major decision without first considering what his father would think and viewed his word as law.

On moving house, Nancy realised that, while she had coped just about cleaning the house and taking care of the kids before, she was suddenly out of her depth in the larger house they moved to. The new family home steadily got shabbier and shabbier, which Gregory noticed. His response was to mobilise Keith and Helen to help in the house, and while Keith understood, agreed and helped ferverently, in practice he felt he never did enough in his own eyes, due to Gregory's insecurity leading him to not liking to praise. This was reinforced by the occasions where he did mess up badly, which lead to intense sessions in which his father shouted at him and he stood there and took it, crying and shaking sometimes, but not talking back or disagreeing. The fact he didn't rebuff his father actually irked Gregory, since he was afraid Keith would grow up not being able to stand up for himself. This in turn lead to several talks where the topic was exactly this, as well as the necessity of being tough and unyeilding when you thought you were in the right and the strength you had to show as a man.

One part of helping around the house was helping Gregory fix and mend. On one of these occasions, when they were putting together a table, Keith managed to cut open his hand. The cut was shallow enough not to need a trip to the hospital, but the amount of blood made Keith become faint and unbalanced. Keith had never seen this amount of blood before, and as such had never noticed before just how afraid of it he was. Gregory bandaged the cut in silence, and without judgement, but Keith thought that his father was disappointed in him again for being weak, and he viewed the incident with shame.

While Gregory had tried not to explicitly pushed any political views onto his children, believing fostering a strong moral core was more important and that they would accept the correct views if they had that, he was nevertheless very opinionated on politics and social issues, and held views with quite the racist and antisemetic bent. Any news story that featured rich and influential jews or violent and criminal blacks and hispanics would always be met with a disdainful comment. Helen reacted to this by rebelling, seeking out and befriending jewish, black and hispanic people, while Keith, having great respect for his father's opinions despite him feeling he couldn't live up to his expectations, internalised them.

Keith had always been an average student in both elementary and middle school, but had worked hard to get decent grades because of his father believing hard work and a good education were important and because his competitiveness wouldn't let him fall behind. He preferred artistic subjects such as music, art, theater and even the more artistic assignments parts of English, but this didn't show in his grades. He participated in quite a lot of extracurricular activities, including joining the middle school basketball team and art club, but only if they were free. His childhood love of drawing and painting had never left him, and he sketched even in his spare time. Landscapes were what he drew most, with sweeping vistas of mountains and rivers, but also the occasional village or person surrounded by untamed wilderness.

Keith's interest in music had gotten him a second-hand guitar as a 12th birthday present from his parents and he had tried to teach himself to play using YouTube, which worked moderately well. His time on YouTube led him to watch a couple of unrelated channels, and was his induction into the internet at large. The songs he liked to play were country and older rock songs, and he started singing along while playing pretty quickly. Eventually he even started to write his own songs. His musical skills got better over the years, and at certain times he thought about joining or starting a band, though nothing ever came of that.

Four years after moving, when Keith was 13, Nancy was in a car accident which broke her leg. Their insurance wouldn't cover the cost of the operation, citing the fact she had been on the phone at the time. They took the insurance company to court, but lost, and the legal fees and the cost of the operation drained the family's saving completely - they had to borrow money from Gregory's brother to keep themselves above water. Gregory negotiated more work hours from his company, and was usually either at work, going to and from work or asleep from that point on. The responsibility of cleaning and cooking in the six months while Nancy healed fell to Keith and Helen, and while both put in a considerable effort, neither took to it well. Helen started acting out, getting into arguments with her parents and craving attention, while Keith divided his time into cooking, cleaning and doing homework and avoiding his guilt of feeling he was not being able to do enough by not being around. He'd go find a basketball court to play on or withdrew to his room, spending time online, drawing or playing guitar. Nancy, too drained from the pain and accustomed to letting him do his own thing anyway, let him, while Gregory, after giving him some hefty rebukes to spend time with the family, also gave in. He was simply too drained from work, and not around enough himself to address Keith on this without feeling like a hypocrite.

It was in this time that Nancy developed an opioid dependence. She had been prescribed an opioid painkiller since regular medication hadn't worked, and through reckless usage, a lack of oversight from her family and her lying to her doctor out of shame she slowly developed her addiction. After her leg healed she experienced chronic pain for quite some time, getting her a continued prescription, and she sought out pills from a former high school friend turned junkie, and got referred to his dealer, who got a hold on pills from various sources. She never moved on to heroin, despite it being offered to her, because of the stigma associated with it, but this meant she kept buying the pills, which were considerably more expensive, draining whatever savings they managed to scrape together and putting her into debt with a number of aquaintances. She managed to hide this addiction for quite some time superficially, but over time she became even more distant, changing from a loving if inattentive mother and wife to a distracted and closed-off individual, and more or less abandoned her responsibilities, focusing more and more on feeding her addiction. She had had symptoms of very mild depression since her teenage years that no one had identified as such, but the addiction worsened them. Everybody in her family noticed she had changed and suffered from the changes, but all had their reasons not to intervene or connect the dots: Gregory was in denial and never pressed the issue, telling himself the pills were necessary for the pain she claimed she still had and never questioning where she got them, nor looking too closely into their finances, while Keith and Helen just didn't know enough about addiction and didn't know she was taking pills; they just thought that it was who she was now, or perhaps had always been. This belief hurt both of them deeply, and estranged them from their mother.

In the time after Nancy's accident when Gregory was around much less and Keith tried to stay out of the house, he met and befriended a group of boys in the city with similar backgrounds and opinions as him. Most of them he met on the basketball court. Some of these would later form a gang, which he would join. One of these was especially significant: Patrick Healy, who was three years older than Keith and lead the gang. Patrick was everything Keith wanted to be and everything he thought his father would want him to be - smart, athletic, charismatic, and well-read, at least to Keith - and held even stronger opinions than Gregory, though the similarity was why Keith thought his father would approve. It was because of Patrick that Keith would eventually consider himself a neo-nazi, Patrick slowly but surely weaning down the few objections Keith still had with speeches and arguments.

Keith had never been very involved politically before he met Patrick, but after becoming aquainted and having a couple of discussions he started researching online. His opinions colored by his father's and by Patrick's, Keith very slowly but surely discovered those corners of the internet where people of a like-mind to him gathered, the forums and comment sections of video pundicts. People there responded well whenever he repeating the arguments he had heard from Patrick, and he steadily participated more and more in that culture both online and by officially becoming part of Patrick's newly-minted gang. The beliefs and arguments he heard in both spaces went from debatable to trivial, and became part of the foundations of what he believed, alongside the beliefs his mother and father had instilled in him.

Patrick for his part had rationalized his forming the gang as retaliation to the rising gang violence in Chattanooga, though in truth it was more because he like the influence and status it gave him. He kept his gang members away from violence as much as he could, only forming a small protectorate where their families lived, arguing that they weren't numerous enough to go on the offensive. There were a couple of incidents where they mobilised in response to gunshots or when one of their number saw minority people they thought were acting supicious, but these were few and far between. Keith was secretly thankful for this, being both afraid that violence and blood would make him faint and make him seem weak in front of Patrick and the rest of the gang, something his pride wouldn't be able to cope with, and because he believed a tendency towards violence was degenerate, in contrast to having strength. Believing violence was degenerate had been fostered mostly by the reaction his mother had had when he was little and the disdain his father had shown at the violent crimes reported by the news, while his belief that being strong and showing strength was good was instilled during his talks with him. It was with the gang that Keith picked up his tendency to cuss loudly and often, since cussing was a way of showing strength and being intimidating without actually being violent.

Keith made sure his gang related activities didn't influence his school work, since his respect for his father hadn't lessened and he still didn't want to let him down, and he stayed at least a decent if average student during the first few years of high school. His artistic side showed in his electives: film, shop and music. For his foreign language he took two years of French. His participation in extracurricular activities waned after he joined his gang and he felt more and more estranged from his classmates, however. He didn't even join the basketball team in high school, despite being good enough to qualify and believing he was better than most of the people on it.

Keith made sure not to voice his political opinions too openly or wear his jacket to school, believing the school would suspend or even expel him for them. The multiple suspensions the two members of his gang who were a year below him had received confirmed this in his mind, despite him not knowing for sure what they had been suspended for. His opinions weren't exactly a secret among the student body, though, since sometimes he slipped and got into an argument with someone over something political, or tried to low-key convince someone who he thought might buy it to join his gang. This netted him more enemies than friends, and he he lashed out at this by sometimes picking on those he found particularly obnoxious, provided he didn't think they would retaliate physically or get him in trouble. Despite his care not to get in trouble this netted him a number of detentions, George Hunter High only abstaining from punishing more harshly because he never got physical. His father berated him for the detentions, but not for the reasons he got them, believing they were only cases of Keith standing up for himself, even if he needed to be more careful. Though Keith bullied sometimes, he also had a number of reasons why he might respect someone, such as showing strength or determination. People who showed these were generally left alone, even if he believed them to be enemies for other reasons.

At age 16, Keith started showing symptoms of depression. His already low opinion of himself fed into it, and it got worse the older he got. His grades started slipping, he became repressed and even more hostile than he had already been, even to some extent to his gang, which caused a telling-off from Patrick, he started eating and sleeping irregularly and unhealthily, and even gave up playing guitar after he no longer felt the inclination. Gregory didn't notice, even if he did notice Keith's slipping grades, since whenever he and Keith spoke Keith would deliberately hide it from him in shame. Helen was too busy with her own social life and had tried to distance herself from Keith for his political opinions, which had worked despite the fact he had in the past tried to bridge the gap, since he had done so clumsily and tactlessly. Nancy was the only one who noticed Keith had started acting strange, but didn't press the matter whenever he assured her he was fine, or had had a bad day at school, or something. She was herself too caught up in her addiction.

Keith was a year into his depression when Nancy was found out. Helen had found two bottles of pills at the bottom of a drawer and had confronted her over them, and after some hesitation told Gregory and Keith. Gregory was at first angry at Helen for accusing her mother, but eventually, after two months of heated arguments, gave in. He admitted he had used his work to distract himself, hoping his wife would fix whatever was bothering her before he needed to confront her. Keith simply blamed himself for not noticing. Not being able to find a rehab center with an affordable price, Gregory decided that he, Helen and Keith would have to take care of Nancy and help her beat her addiction. Gregory threw himself into organising and scheduling each day as much as he had thrown himself into his work before, at least partially because of guilt, and gave himself, Helen and Keith jobs and times when they would be with Nancy and make sure she didn't relapse. Helen put all her effort into it, elated that there was an explanation for why her mother had changed, and working together she and her father slowly started growing a mutual bond of respect. Keith also gave it his all, but this just made him feel even more estranged and guilty, since while he gave his best effort he simply couldn't match Gregory and Helen's.

Ultimately, he managed to keep himself from failing in school because of three things: The discipline he had from when he was younger, the fact his mother was clearly getting better, and the fact his father was trying to make up his neglected responsibility to his family by having weekly talks with both Helen and Keith. These talks were generally supportive, despite Keith's lowered grades, since Gregory believed that the stress of caring for his mother and doing schoolwork was mostly to blame for them. They didn't cure Keith's bouts of depression, but they did help him stay on his feet.

Advantages: Keith is big and has a fair amount of inherent strength. His work ethic and past experiences have left him with considerable willpower and determination for achieving his goals.
Disadvantages: Keith has contentious political views and is known for being unpleasant, so is unlikely to have many friends. He is hemophobic, and has a resulting fear of violence. He has depression, which can sap his willpower and distract him considerably whenever it flares up. He is unhealthy due to eating and sleeping irregularly and badly.

[VoltTurtle]

Heya, Malloon. I'm the staffer that will be critiquing Keith today, and unfortunately he's DENIED pending some serious rewrites and a lot of typos being fixed. My detailed comments are in teal.

First, before we actually cover any content, I want to get all the typos out of the way:

Grade: Senior Year

Minor, but just "Senior" or "12" is fine.

singing, song-writing, playing guitar

and song-writing, mostly

Just "songwriting".

a combination accentuated by his very pale complexion.
Keith dresses in cheap, easy to wear, outlet store-brand clothes

Need another line break between these paragraphs, since at the moment you only have one.

which he only ever wears outside of school.
On the day of the abduction he was

Same for this.

neglect them, prefering to do the

Typo; "preferring".

and stuborn child

Typo; "stubborn".

pretty well some times and not

Typo; "sometimes".

The added preasure of another

Typo; "pressure".

He sulked, cried , and even

No space after "cried".

being tough and unweilding when

Typo; "unyielding".

Gregory negociated more

Typo; "negotiated".

shirk his responsibilites by

Typo; "responsibilities".

find a bascketball court

on the bascketball court

join the bascketball team in

playing bascketball with

Typo; "basketball".

the things that weren't absolutly necessary, such

Typo; "absolutely".

with a disdainfull comment

Typo; "disdainful".

Patrick was everthing Keith wanted

Typo; "everything".

or even expell him for them

Typo; "expel".

Keiths interest in music

Typo; "Keith's".

cure Keith's boughts of depression

Typo; "bouts".

Now for the more minor content edits:

This deeply impressed Keith.

This is a sentence fragment, and doesn't really explain anything. Did Keith actually change his mind? Did he begrudgingly accept the move? How did this play into Keith respecting his father so immensely?

Keith had never seen this amount of blood before, and as such had never noticed he had hemophobia.

I mention this later on too in the disadvantages section, but the proper way to say that you have a phobia is that you "are Xphobic" rather than "have Xphobia". So either change this to say "he was hemophobic" or "he was afraid of blood".

It was in this time that Nancy developed her opioid addiction.

This sentence is phrased as if you had previously mentioned Nancy's opioid addiction, but this is the first mention of it in the profile, and thus reads confusingly. I'd suggest rewording it to "It was in this time that Nancy developed an addiction to opioids", assuming you actual keep the whole plotline, because, well, well get to that...

while Keith, having great respect for his father's opinions despite him feeling he couldn't live up to his expectations, internalised them

One problem, which I will elaborate on later on, is the fact that Keith vacillates between being deeply obedient and trusting of his father to being openly rebellious. I think you need to pick one or the other, and obedience is probably the better option, since, well, we'll get to that too...

This netted him more enemies than friends, and he he lashed out at this by sometimes picking on those he found particularly obnoxious, provided he didn't think they would retaliate physically.

Did he ever get in trouble for this? Bullying can often be taken very seriously when it's reported, and a neo-nazi kid would be a particularly easy target for reports.

opinions, though he had in the past tried to bridge the gap

Nazis (in my experience) are usually very defensive and superior about their beliefs; trying to bridge gaps with people who they think are victimizing them or don't understand them isn't exactly their forte, often due to empathy issues (which we will get to).

Advantages: Keith is naturally big and strong.

This doesn't exactly mesh well with his appearance, especially since you mention that he's out of shape and isn't very active. Either change his appearance to suggest he's stayed in shape (maybe by accident rather than intentionally, through his physical hobbies) or change this advantage. Not only that, but only one advantage? Most kids can manage two, but if they only have one, it better be a damn good advantage, which Keith doesn't have. Add something else to his profile if you have to, maybe the neo-nazis he hangs out with taught him how to fight (even if it's not necessarily fighting well)? Just an idea, you do what you will.

He has hemopobia, and

Typo, though the actual problem here is mostly just the wrong tense. The correct way to phrase this is "He is hemophobic, and has a resulting fear of violence." or "His blood phobia causes him to fear violence."

He has depression, and eats and sleeps unhealthily because of it.

I think basically everyone is going to be sleeping and eating unhealthily on the island, given how stressful of a situation it is. A better way to put this would be "He has depression, making it more difficult to motivate himself to act when he otherwise needs to, potentially endangering him on the island."

Now, for the big content updates and my explanations on why I want you to change/rewrite them:

So a problem with this profile on a structural level is that it's not in chronological order. Profiles should generally be in chronological order, with the occasional call-back or call-forward as necessary. If something happens early in the kid's life, it should be early in the profile. As it stands, you only mention his hobbies in passing until you get passed the part where he becomes a neo-nazi, which makes Keith seems like he's a nazi first and a person second. Nazis are people too... terrible people that deserve a good punch to the face, but people with their own lives and interests nonetheless. Move around the paragraphs in the profile until they are in roughly chronological order (at least following an early life > mid life > later life structure).

It was in this time that Nancy developed her opioid addiction. She had been prescribed an opioid painkiller since regular medication hadn't worked, and through reckless usage, a lack of oversight from her family and her lying to her doctor out of shame she slowly developed her addiction. She managed to hide this addiction for quite some time.

Keith was a year into his depression when Nancy was found out. Helen had found two bottles of pills at the bottom of a drawer and had confronted her over them, and after some hesitation told Gregory and Keith. Gregory was at first angry at Helen for accusing her mother, but eventually gave in. He had known there was something wrong with Nancy for some time, but had been in denial and used his work to distract himself, hoping his wife would fix whatever was bothering her before he needed to confront her. Keith simply blamed himself for not noticing. Not being able to find a rehab center with an affordable price, Gregory decided that he, Helen and Keith would have to take care of Nancy and help her beat her addiction. Gregory threw himself into organising and scheduling each day as much as he had thrown himself into his work before, at least partially because of guilt, and gave himself, Helen and Keith jobs and times when they would be with Nancy and make sure she didn't relapse. Helen put all her effort into it, and working together she and her father started growing a mutual bond of respect. Keith, however, felt even more estranged and guilty, since while he gave his best effort he simply couldn't match Gregory and Helen's.

So one huge thematic problem with this profile is this entire opioid addiction plotline, which is not only unrealistic (doctors are extremely careful about prescribing opioid painkillers due to the threat of being arrested themselves, for instance, and they catch liars fairly quickly as a means of self-defense, given that she's still apparently using the legal prescription pills years after her accident, there's no way things would have been kept up for long, not only that, but if she got the opioids on the street as an answer to the previous problem, her family definitely would have noticed the track marks and the drain on their already limited finances that would cause, not to mention the massive behavioral changes that occur when someone is addicted to opioids, they're very powerful things, and when you get addicted, the only thing you can ever really focus on is getting your next fix), but also fairly disrespectful to the people who have actually been affected by opioid addiction (her addiction is brought up, doesn't really result in any consequences, and doesn't actually have that much of an affect on the family, it almost feels put in just for the sake of it, when in real life, this kind of addiction ruins lives, destroys families, and often kills people due to accidental overdosing), and it doesn't actually have any real affect on Gregory (which is the whole point of including something as serious as this in the profile), the only sentence about its affect on him that you give is one sentence of him feeling "estranged and guilty" which, frankly, isn't enough given how serious of a topic this is.

My suggestion is to either cut this bit from the profile entirely (as it would change basically nothing if it was removed) or to otherwise massively rework it in such a way that makes it more respectful, realistic, and mesh well with the rest of the profile (going this path will probably result in several more rounds of edits). Otherwise you might be better off including a more fleshed out opioid addiction in a different profile.

In the time after Nancy's accident when Gregory was around much less and Keith tried to stay out of the house, he met and befriended a group of boys in the city with similar backgrounds and opinions as him. Most of them he met on the bascketball court. Some of these would later form a gang, which he would join. One of these was especially significant: Patrick Healy, who was three years older than Keith and lead the gang. Patrick was everthing Keith wanted to be - smart, athletic, charismatic, and well-read, at least to Keith - and held even stronger opinions than Gregory. It was because of Patrick that Keith would eventually consider himself a neo-nazi. Patrick for his part had formed the gang in retaliation to the rising gang violence in Chattanooga, though he kept his gang members away from the violence, with the argument that they weren't numerous enough to go on the offensive. Keith was secretly thankful for this, being both afraid that violence and blood would make him faint and make him seem weak in front of Patrick and the rest of the gang, and because he believed a tendency towards violence was degenerate, in contrast to having strength. It was with the gang that Keith picked up his tendency to cuss loudly and often, since cussing was a way of showing strength and being intimidating without actually being violent.

So another big thematic problem with the profile besides the opioid addiction is the whole "neo-nazi gang" thing and more specifically how Keith not-so-slowly arrived at his position of being a nazi.

The way you have things now, Keith started out as a kind, empathetic youngster, and then two authority figures impressing him (his father and Patrick) caused him to suddenly consider himself a neo-nazi. Now this could be an interesting way to do it, if your intent was that Keith didn't really believe what he was saying and doing and was mostly just caught up in the ego of other people, but that doesn't seem like your intent to me. It seems like you genuinely want to write a neo-nazi, so let me give some suggestions for how to make that shift from a normal child to a bastard more organic and (most importantly) slower.

1. Have Keith's depression develop far earlier in his life and cause him to alienate himself from his peers far earlier (it's easier to hate people you don't know and don't want to understand), OR make it so he was always a problem child that had poor empathy for others.
2. Mention early on that his father really tried to drill obedience into him, and make him believe that he always had to listen to strong authority figures. After that, have Keith be completely obedient to his father, with his sister being the rebellious one, as a means of conditioning him to authoritarianism. Perhaps even have him directly adopt his dad's racist and conservative political beliefs as a direct result of his obedience.
3. Have him get more involved with politics and notice genuine problems with society around him, but have him stumble upon internet pundits that blame it all on minorities in ways that initially sound convincing, slowly getting even worse and more toxic than his father.
4. Then have him discover Patrick and his group, and fully commit to being a nazi.

You already have some of those elements somewhat present, so all this would take is restructuring and some rewriting.

Now, the last thing is, I don't really like how you call the group a "gang", it isn't really a gang, frankly, it's a bunch of neo-nazi teens LARPing about how cool and dangerous they are and how they are going to stop "minority crime". I think, more than anything, you would be better served by just calling the neo-nazis a "like minded group of friends" or something similar- the word "gang" has a lot of connotations that make it difficult to include in a profile without requiring quite a bit of extra justification just to make it plausible. As it stands, they sound more like a group of punks anyway, so this would require the least amount of actual content changes to the profile.

That said, do remove the bit saying it was formed in retaliation to gang violence, instead just have it be a group of kids with similar opinions coming together because they are ostracized otherwise, and maybe include a mention of them posturing about gang violence or something, if you really want to keep that.

Finally, I want you to add a few things to the profile:
1. A paragraph specifically detailing Keith's general life outlook and personality near the end of the profile would give any readers a better understanding of who he is.
2. You make no mention of Keith's future plans, include a sentence or two (or a paragraph) at the end of his bio elaborating on them, or otherwise stating that he has no plans (and why).
3. You mention his basketball interest/hobby fairly frequently but never really elaborate on it in detail in its own paragraph. Not only that, but you barely mention his drawing hobby. Every hobby and interest listed at the top should have at least their own paragraph, with each paragraph detailing how they got into the hobby, why they like it, and if they continue to do it in the modern day.

---

...And that's it. I know that's quite a bit to have to rewrite, but I'll be here every step of the way. I want to help, and my frank dissection of Keith's profile is a means to do that, because a better profile not only helps with game health but it also helps you better understand your character. If you have any questions or concerns or some ideas that you want to run by me, feel free to contact me via board PM or Discord DM. Otherwise, get those edits made and I'll be here again for round two.

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With the start of V7 Final Applications, this profile has been moved to the abandoned section. It is eligible for immediate resubmission for final applications pending edits requested by staff.