Ethan Kemp

[DerArknight]

Name: Ethan Harold Kemp
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: Senior
School: John Endecott Memorial Academy
Hobbies and Interests: Chess, YouTube, Movies, Student Health Association, Arcade Games

Appearance: Ethan is 5'5'' tall and weighs 130 pounds. He keeps his naturally ginger hair at medium length, but leaves it unkempt unless on special occasions. His skin is pale, his nose is rounded, his jawline is sharp and his eyes are brown. Ethan's posture tends to lean a little bit forward. His voice is low and slow under normal circumstances, but when he is agitated or nervous, he speaks much faster and slightly higher.

Ethan freezes easily and therefore always wears long-sleeved and thick clothing, even in summer. His preferred colors are green, blue and yellow. He has a no tattoos or jewelry.

On the day of the abduction, he wore a green hoodie with a forward-logo over a white and long-sleeved T-shirt, jeans with a green stripe running along the leg and dark orange shoes with thick blue socks.

Biography: Ethan Harold Kemp was born on April 12th, 2004 as the only child of Ute and Edgar Kemp in a hospital in Salem, Massachusetts. While the name Ethan was chosen because the parents liked its sound, the middle-name Harold was also the name of Ute's late grandfather, who raised Ute after her parents passed away early.

While Edgar had a boring, but well-paid office-job in Salem, Ute was a stay-at-home mother. However, before settling down with Edgar, she had been a chess grandmaster who had held rank 32 at some point with a yearly income of around 80k dollars. Thanks to her thrifty nature, she still had a small fortune of the money she made back then, giving the family a good financial cushion. While Ute had stopped playing, her name is still known among the chess society.

One day, when Ethan was about three years old, the neighbors of the family, a pair of doctors, asked Ute if she could help babysit their daughter who was of a similar age as Ethan. Seeing no reason against it, Ute agreed. Ethan very fast became friends with the child named Dawn.

Once Ute judged them to be old enough, she started to teach both Dawn and Ethan the way of playing chess. While Dawn took to the game very quickly, Ethan had trouble and appeared to lack the natural talent for the game that his mother and Dawn had. But he powered through and still enjoyed playing, although he had a few other interests like other board games or Disney movies that he viewed as similarly important. Knowing that trying to push him into chess might result in him growing to dislike it, Ute lessened her attention and lessons, instead concentrating on Dawn when it came to passing on her knowledge. Despite that, he remained a fan of chess and would challenge others regularly, sometimes even passing on professional techniques his mother had taught him.

In elementary school, Ethan found himself a wide but loosely-knit circle of friends, including Dawn. He quickly proved himself to be very perceptive of the feelings of others, sometimes approaching those who were troubled or telling the adults when something seemed amiss or a fight broke out.

Another interest that grew in this time was Ethan's love for movies. While his parents did well to set boundaries for how much and what he was allowed to see, Ethan saw a lot of movies. However, he proved himself to be a picky watcher, often stopping to watch once he judged the movie to be boring or not good enough.

In the fifth year of elementary, Dawn had an accident that resulted in her staying at the hospital for two weeks. When she came back, she told Ethan stories of a new friend she made there. From this point on, she would visit said friend named Anna, who turned out to be a long-term patient of the hospital, as often as possible. Ethan was surprised that his otherwise reserved friend would seek out someone that much and decided to tag along one day.

Anna turned out to have a bright and cheerful personality, but Ethan felt that something was off. After a few visits, he managed to talk to Anna without Dawn around and asked her about any worries she might have.

Almost instantly, Anna dropped her charade and revealed her inner troubles about her illness. As she explained, her cheerfulness was just a way to cope with her hopeless situation. However, she didn't want others, especially Dawn, to worry about her. Ethan understood and never spoke with Dawn about this. He would still visit Anna, sometimes even without Dawn, and the two got closer as friends. They often talked about Anna's illness and her worries about not having much time left. This led to Ethan also beginning to think about his future and how he wanted to spend his time, something he would in talk with Anna about as well.

When Ethan entered middle school, his parents decided to allow him more private time on the family computer, something he so far had only been allowed to use sparsely. Ethan now had the opportunity to engage more with the scene of movie critics, especially with YouTubers who talked about movies. By this time, his interest in movies started to shift from simply watching movies to analyzing them. What fascinated him about movies is that they are often created by many people with different intentions. He found interest in trying to figure out what the intentions of the creators was and often found himself thinking about how he would have made things different. Then he would go on the internet and discuss his thoughts with others.

Another aspect of his personality that manifested in middle school was his tendency to act as a mediator when he witnessed conflict between his classmates. Sometimes this resulted in trouble for him, but he believed that this was better than just not interfering.

Then came the day when Anna died, just as she had feared the whole time. Despite knowing it would have happened, Ethan was taken aback by her death. In an effort to bring himself up again and move on, he spent the next few weeks less with his usual hobbies and more trying out new stuff. Eventually he ended up in an arcade, where he found the right method to momentarily forget his worries by playing games. For Ethan, they were a good distraction from everything else going on in his life since everything happening in the arcade felt disjointed from the rest of the world. Even after moving on from Anna's death, he would remain a regular at the arcade at the willows.

One lesson he learned from Anna was that life's too short to coast it. For that reason, he consciously focussed his time on his bigger hobbies and friends, resulting in his circle of friends shrinking. He also became less interested in forging new relationships or engaging in topics he had no interest in, resulting in him becoming much quieter in school. However, he deeply treasures the friends he has, including Dawn. They are both in the Student Health Association, doing volunteer work to improve the health of the student body. Ethan is not as enthusiastic as Dawn about this, but takes it seriously.

Apart from that, Ethan joined the Chess Club at JEM, where he is quite famous for being the son of a grandmaster. Most of his non-Dawn-related friends are either also in the club or other regulars at the arcades. The rest of his classmates mostly know him as a quiet but nice and helpful boy who doesn't stand out much unless the topic is about movies or chess, in which case he knows a lot and is willing to enter longer conversations. The other noteworthy exceptions are when he witnesses brewing violence, in which case he will try to deescalate the situation if it seems possible for him to do so.

In high school, Ethan finally found the courage to start his own channel on YouTube. His content revolved around reviewing movies. At first, he would rather factually state his opinion about different movies, scared of not being taken seriously. But eventually, he started to loosen up and add some humor into his videos. Most of his early content barely reached more than around a dozen views, but over time, Ethan managed to slowly grow his channel. While he is still far away from success, he has amassed a small audience of around forty subscribers, half of them going to his school.

Ethan's content also grew in quality. By reading all feedback seriously, he managed to improve his reasoning over time and better articulate his opinions in the videos. Once he finishes his education, he plans to make a career by becoming a professional movie critic.

Ethan has a calm personality and a positive outlook on life. He believes that it is important to know one's own priorities and to stick to them to make the most out of it.

Advantages: Ethan has high empathy and is good at assessing other people, meaning he would be hard to fool or to deceive. Thanks to his rather low profile in school, classmates who don't know him that well might underestimate him. Also he has some medical knowledge, especially in regards to first aid, thanks to his work in the Student Health Association.
Disadvantages: Ethan has a strong dislike towards violence and prefers to talk any problems out, which might not always work in a killing game. Furthermore, his habit of trying to deescalate conflicts instead of keeping his head low could easily get him killed. He also sympathizes very fast with people, meaning that the loss of allies and friends will hurt him greatly.

[VoltTurtle]

Heya mostlyharmfulll! I'm the staffer that will be critiquing Ethan today. Unfortunately, there are some things that need to be addressed before he can be approved.

One general issue is that a lot of the profile often focuses more on Dawn than it does on Ethan. This is an issue because this is his profile, and not hers. Keep in mind that the profile is about the character in question, and any mentions of other characters should in some way give us more information about the primary character. Such as their relationships, their home life, their living situation, who they are as a person, etc.

With that in mind, let's get into it.

unkempt unless to special occasions

Should be "on special" rather than "to special".

His skin is pale and clearly Caucasian.

You don't need the additional "and clearly Caucasian" after describing his skin as pale. You could also combine "His skin is pale." with the following sentence if you want, or you could leave it as-is.

He has a tattoo in the form of a chess piece, the knight, on his right arm a little bit under the shoulder.

Unfortunately it's infeasible for Ethan to have a tattoo at his age without some additional shenanigans. Tattooing a minor is illegal in Massachusetts even with parental consent.

Ethan might have been able to get a tattoo in the nearby state of Connecticut (with parental consent) but that will need to be added to the profile biography if you go that route.

over a white T-shirt

Is this a long sleeved T-shirt (since you mention that he usually wears long-sleeves)?

Thanks to her thrifty nature, she still had a small fortune of the money she made back then, giving the family a good financial cushion.

I believe Ute would need to be in the top 50-100 chess players in the entire world in order to have high enough earnings (the top 50 earns a "mere" 100k/year on average) from tournament winnings and sponsorships to have a "small fortune". This isn't necessarily a problem, but it's something you'll need to consider.

Additionally, being in the top 50 or even the top 100 would make her somewhat famous (primarily in chess circles). With that in mind, I'll ask that you specify what her (highest) ranking was and how much she was earning per year, and whether or not she had any minor fame as a result of her ranking. Ultimately it's up to you!

viewed as similar important

Typo; "similarly".

Dawn on the other hand had far fewer friends and didn't really try to keep up with what happened outside her clique.

This is an unnecessary sentence to include in Ethan's profile. Dawn might be an important person to him, but ultimately the profile is supposed to about him. Since this as-is doesn't tell us anything more about Ethan and his life (instead telling us more about Dawn), I'd suggest cutting it.

Despite not playing as much as Dawn, he remained a fan of chess and would challenge others regularly, sometimes even passing on professional techniques his mother had taught him.

This should probably be included in one of the previous paragraphs (specifically the one starting with "Once Ute judged them...") to make sure the subjects remain grouped together.

Another interest that grew in this time was Ethan's love for movies.

Anything in particular he liked about movies compared to other forms of media?

However, he proofed himself to

"Proved" not "proofed".

In middle school, Ethan made some new friends. One of them introduced him to the world of YouTube.

These kids are fairly young (Ethan would've entered middle school around the year of 2015) and would have grown up with the internet. Around this time, YouTube's presence in the cultural zeitgeist would've been firmly established.

All that is to say, Ethan probably wouldn't have needed someone else to introduce it to him, he almost certainly would've found it on his own.

Then came the day when Anna died, just as she had feared the whole time. Dawn fell into a very worrying mood and would barely talk for some time. When she recovered, the experience had changed her. According to herself, she wanted to become a more positive person who helped and inspired others. Many were confused by her change in personality and she made many mistakes, resulting in the end of a lot of friendships. But Ethan was determined to look over her, even if that hurt his relationships as well. By the time both entered high school, as always in the same year, Ethan had lost a lot of friends while Dawn had made many new ones. Nowadays, Ethan hangs around Dawn a lot. They are both in the Student Health Association, doing volunteer work to improve the health of the student body. Ethan is not as enthusiastic as Dawn about this, but takes it seriously.

This whole paragraph focuses excessively on Dawn to the exclusion of Ethan and needs to be reworked. As a tip, talk about how Anna's death affected Ethan himself rather than how it affected Dawn.

The rest of his classmates mostly know him in relation to Dawn. Since her cheerfulness overshadows him, he doesn't stand out much.

Ethan should be the focus here, not Dawn, since it's his profile. Rephrase this in such a way that he's the focus. Rather than Dawn overshadowing him, is there anything about him that causes him not to stand out?

He also sometimes stops Dawn when she is being too overbearing.

Unnecessary information that's focusing on Dawn again, go ahead and cut it.

would rather factual state his opinion

"Factually" not "factual".

barely reached more than three hundred views

Three hundred views is actually a fairly decent amount, especially for an amateur teenager. If you're trying to imply a low view count, I'd suggest double digit views instead of triple digit views.

he has amassed a small audience

Of what size? How many subscribers does he have?

His knowledge about chess gives him some abilities at tactical thinking and planning, which might be useful in a fight.

The tactical thinking specific to chess would not translate into a fistfight. He could theoretically be analytical in a way that would benefit him on the island, but it wouldn't be because of chess. I'd suggest just cutting this.

result in a bullet to the head for him

The vaguer "get him killed" would be much better for this than the specific "result in a bullet to the head".

Lastly, as an addition: Could you add a paragraph detailing Ethan's general personality and outlook on life?

--

That's it! Post back here when you have those edits made and I'll help get Ethan through round 2. :3

[DerArknight]

Heya mostlyharmfulll! I'm the staffer that will be critiquing Ethan today. Unfortunately, there are some things that need to be addressed before he can be approved.

Nice to have you be the staffer again!

One general issue is that a lot of the profile often focuses more on Dawn than it does on Ethan. This is an issue because this is his profile, and not hers. Keep in mind that the profile is about the character in question, and any mentions of other characters should in some way give us more information about the primary character. Such as their relationships, their home life, their living situation, who they are as a person, etc.

Okay, I see why that is a problem.

With that in mind, let's get into it.

unkempt unless to special occasions

Should be "on special" rather than "to special".

Is corrected.

His skin is pale and clearly Caucasian.

You don't need the additional "and clearly Caucasian" after describing his skin as pale. You could also combine "His skin is pale." with the following sentence if you want, or you could leave it as-is.

Is corrected.

He has a tattoo in the form of a chess piece, the knight, on his right arm a little bit under the shoulder.

Unfortunately it's infeasible for Ethan to have a tattoo at his age without some additional shenanigans. Tattooing a minor is illegal in Massachusetts even with parental consent.

Ethan might have been able to get a tattoo in the nearby state of Connecticut (with parental consent) but that will need to be added to the profile biography if you go that route.

Since explaining him going to another state just to get a tattoo would be a lot of work just for something that will probably never come up anyways (after all, he mostly wears long-sleeved clothing, so the tattoo would be covered most of the time) I decided to scrap this whole thing.

over a white T-shirt

Is this a long sleeved T-shirt (since you mention that he usually wears long-sleeves)?

Now it is.

Thanks to her thrifty nature, she still had a small fortune of the money she made back then, giving the family a good financial cushion.

I believe Ute would need to be in the top 50-100 chess players in the entire world in order to have high enough earnings (the top 50 earns a "mere" 100k/year on average) from tournament winnings and sponsorships to have a "small fortune". This isn't necessarily a problem, but it's something you'll need to consider.

Additionally, being in the top 50 or even the top 100 would make her somewhat famous (primarily in chess circles). With that in mind, I'll ask that you specify what her (highest) ranking was and how much she was earning per year, and whether or not she had any minor fame as a result of her ranking. Ultimately it's up to you!

She now held the 32nd rank at some moment in time, made 80k a year and is still known.

viewed as similar important

Typo; "similarly".

Is corrected.

Dawn on the other hand had far fewer friends and didn't really try to keep up with what happened outside her clique.

This is an unnecessary sentence to include in Ethan's profile. Dawn might be an important person to him, but ultimately the profile is supposed to about him. Since this as-is doesn't tell us anything more about Ethan and his life (instead telling us more about Dawn), I'd suggest cutting it.

And into the trashbin it goes!

Despite not playing as much as Dawn, he remained a fan of chess and would challenge others regularly, sometimes even passing on professional techniques his mother had taught him.

This should probably be included in one of the previous paragraphs (specifically the one starting with "Once Ute judged them...") to make sure the subjects remain grouped together.

Is now a part of the paragraph, as you adviced.

Another interest that grew in this time was Ethan's love for movies.

Anything in particular he liked about movies compared to other forms of media?

Added a little bit to clarify.

However, he proofed himself to

"Proved" not "proofed".

This mistake is especially shameful because I just wrote it right one paragraph ago. Is corrected

In middle school, Ethan made some new friends. One of them introduced him to the world of YouTube.

These kids are fairly young (Ethan would've entered middle school around the year of 2015) and would have grown up with the internet. Around this time, YouTube's presence in the cultural zeitgeist would've been firmly established.

All that is to say, Ethan probably wouldn't have needed someone else to introduce it to him, he almost certainly would've found it on his own.

Now he started with YouTube in middle school because his parents were limiting his computer-time before.

Then came the day when Anna died, just as she had feared the whole time. Dawn fell into a very worrying mood and would barely talk for some time. When she recovered, the experience had changed her. According to herself, she wanted to become a more positive person who helped and inspired others. Many were confused by her change in personality and she made many mistakes, resulting in the end of a lot of friendships. But Ethan was determined to look over her, even if that hurt his relationships as well. By the time both entered high school, as always in the same year, Ethan had lost a lot of friends while Dawn had made many new ones. Nowadays, Ethan hangs around Dawn a lot. They are both in the Student Health Association, doing volunteer work to improve the health of the student body. Ethan is not as enthusiastic as Dawn about this, but takes it seriously.

This whole paragraph focuses excessively on Dawn to the exclusion of Ethan and needs to be reworked. As a tip, talk about how Anna's death affected Ethan himself rather than how it affected Dawn.

And that is what the new paragraph does.

The rest of his classmates mostly know him in relation to Dawn. Since her cheerfulness overshadows him, he doesn't stand out much.

Ethan should be the focus here, not Dawn, since it's his profile. Rephrase this in such a way that he's the focus. Rather than Dawn overshadowing him, is there anything about him that causes him not to stand out?

Added something to explain why he doesn't stand out so much.

He also sometimes stops Dawn when she is being too overbearing.

Unnecessary information that's focusing on Dawn again, go ahead and cut it.

And cutting it I did.

would rather factual state his opinion

"Factually" not "factual".

Is corrected.

barely reached more than three hundred views

Three hundred views is actually a fairly decent amount, especially for an amateur teenager. If you're trying to imply a low view count, I'd suggest double digit views instead of triple digit views.

Is corrected.

he has amassed a small audience

Of what size? How many subscribers does he have?

40 subs, half of it his classmates.

His knowledge about chess gives him some abilities at tactical thinking and planning, which might be useful in a fight.

The tactical thinking specific to chess would not translate into a fistfight. He could theoretically be analytical in a way that would benefit him on the island, but it wouldn't be because of chess. I'd suggest just cutting this.

I think you are right.

result in a bullet to the head for him

The vaguer "get him killed" would be much better for this than the specific "result in a bullet to the head".

Is corrected.

Lastly, as an addition: Could you add a paragraph detailing Ethan's general personality and outlook on life?

Sure, why not?

With that, I should have made all the edits you asked for. I am looking forward to round two.

[VoltTurtle]

Ethan's looking great! There's just one last thing in the new additions:

Ethan has a calm personality and a positive outlook on life. He believes that it is important to know one's own priorities and sticking to them to make the most out of it.

This would be "to stick" rather than "sticking".

[DerArknight]

Ethan's looking great! There's just one last thing in the new additions:

Ethan has a calm personality and a positive outlook on life. He believes that it is important to know one's own priorities and sticking to them to make the most out of it.

This would be "to stick" rather than "sticking".

Thanks for the compliment!

And I corrected it.

[VoltTurtle]

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