Meghan “Meggy” Roberts

[SharkyTGirl185]

Name: Meghan “Meggy” Roberts
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12th Grade
School: Southwest Red Rock High School
Hobbies and Interests: Basketball, Photography, Swimming, Tutoring, Video Games

Appearance: Meggy stands at about 5”6 and weighs about 120 pounds. Her active lifestyle leaves her being on the more toned side, with slight muscles around her legs, arms and stomach. Meghan is of Norwegian-Hispanic descent with a light tanned skin tone to her body, with big auburn eyes and back length hair that was formerly blonde, now regularly dyed orange. She has dimples across her cheeks, faint unless she smiles widely. Meghan takes care of her body, showering regularly and keeping up her hygiene. She has a lack of acne across her face and body. Her teeth are pearly white and straight for the most part, beside her front teeth being slightly chipped from a basketball incident that caused her to fall face first onto the ground.

In her day to day life and in school, Meghan wears brown shorts to her knees, a white tank top, dark blue blazer, and orange sneakers. Adorning her blazer is a police badge belonging to her late father, and is never seen without it. By the time of the trip, she’s wearing a white shirt, blue jacket and matching pants with her father’s badge on the breast pocket and wears a navy hat on her head.

Biography: Meghan Roberts was born on February 24th, 2007 in Northern Massachusetts, the only child to Nancy and Charles Roberts. Nancy is a Hispanic American who worked as a janitor in a corporate office, before she quit her job to take care of Meghan. Charles was once a respected police officer in Massachusetts, being held in high praise for his record and bravery.

From a young age, Meghan was doted on by Nancy, always being encouraged to excel in school and social life, Nancy packed snacks for Meghan when she started to go to preschool. Meghan grew close to her mother, watching their favorite movies together and having Mother-Daughter date nights, whether to the movies or to Meghan’s favorite pizza parlor.

Her relationship with her father, however, was much more complicated. Charles Roberts was a strict, authoritative and intimidating man who took pride in his job as an officer of the law, and held his values as a cop even in his home. Thus, Meghan was regularly held under scrutiny by her father and disciplined regularly for smallest mistakes. Even when Meghan was in kindergarten and elementary, Charles would yell at her if she stumbled on her grades. Meghan would also witness her parents fighting with one another, screaming at the top of their lungs over Charles’ treatment of their daughter and Nancy’s supposed laziness. When Meghan was 7, she witnessed Charles slapping Nancy onto the floor. Meghan tried to protect her mom, hitting her dad on the back to stop him, which resulted in Charles pushing her away before he stopped and after a few moments, stormed away. After that, Meghan never witnessed her dad laying hands on her mother or her again.

Charles’ relationship with Meghan improved somewhat, with Charles realizing his issues and trying to work on them with family therapy and anger management. Charles’ marriage with Nancy was rocky, but the two made it work for Meghan’s sake. Charles started to become more patient with Meghan, and encouraged her in her classes. On Sundays, Charles would take his daughter to work with him and Meghan would check out the police precinct and drive in the passenger seat of his police cruiser, and Meghan began to idolize her father’s job of protecting the city, and when she was 11, told her father that she would be a police officer just like him, to her father’s happiness.

However, on March 4th, 2019, when Meghan was 12 years old, her father shot himself in a parking lot after allegations of corruption and police profiling started to make their way around the town, allegations that were never proven, yet were heavily suspected. Meghan was devastated at her father’s death and she was gifted his badge, which she carries around her person to this day. After his death, Meghan regularly attends therapy in order to cope, and the discussion of her father’s passing was difficult, but she slowly became comfortable speaking about it more.

She and her mother would later move away, going to Las Vegas, Nevada to get a change of scenery for Meghan. They moved into a smaller, two bedroom apartment, and Nancy took up a part time job to save money as they used Charles’ life insurance to pay off what they needed. Despite her father’s flaws and actions, Meghan’s idealism didn’t waver, and she strived with aspirations to be a police officer, an even better one than her father.

Megan found herself enjoying the scenery and bustle of Las Vegas, regularly taking strolls around the city and taking photographs of the sights she finds lovely. Photography makes her feel at peace, appreciating the little details of life while having a snapshot of nature. This hobby of hers came to a dead stop when the pandemic hit, and she had to take online classes until further notice. Meghan struggled with this at first, but managed to improve her studies to get passing grades during the pandemic. While in lockdown, Meghan enjoyed playing online games, seeing them as a way to socialize with others. Her favorite games were World of Warcraft, Mortal Kombat, Five Nights at Freddy’s, and Grand Theft Auto V. After lockdown finished, Meghan threw herself back into photography, and has a Instagram profile that she regularly posts images of the landscapes, murals, and buildings within Vegas.

Coming into Southwest Red Rock High School, Meghan has adapted socially to her environment as a student and classmate. She gets very strong grades, usually in history, math and science, though stumbles a bit in English, getting Bs and Cs for Freshman and Sophomore. After becoming a Junior, she improved on those ends and has been a well maintained B and A student. Her favorite subject is history, finding The American Civil War, Cold War and French Revolution fascinating topics of discussion.

Meghan loves to build others up, and so she started taking up tutoring at the school during the beginning of her senior year to help students in need for tests, homework and exams. She would always be available after school for an hour and a half, or longer if they needed extra help. Meghan usually tutored freshman and sophomore years, but would gladly help her fellow classmates in whatever they were struggling with, even giving them notes on what to improve on.

Politically, Meghan is open about her leftist viewpoints, donating to charities to benefit minorities and attending the local homeless shelters from time to time. The one point that goes against this, is her view on police. Due to her relationship with her father, Meghan is devoutly pro-police, being uncomfortable with ideas to defund them and would try to be neutral towards any instances of police brutality and corruption in the departments, believing they’re one off incidents or that they were another angle to the story. This viewpoint of hers has wavered due to the increasing scrutiny of police brutality across the 2020s and Meghan is willing to be open to and respectful of the challenging viewpoints she’s presented with by others and understand where they’re coming from.

Socially, Meghan is a social butterfly, with great school spirit. She attends any high school game, whether that be football, swimming, track, school bands and other events. She will even come to any of their practices, if allowed and would watch with enthusiasm and would try and cheer them on. Meghan is openly bisexual, finding herself attracted to both men and women on the spectrum. She has little in the way of preferences, though if someone is flirting with her, she is willing to flirt back if given the chance. She’s much more nervous flirting with other girls, however.

Meghan herself has taken up swimming when she was a freshman, seeing it as a way for her to exercise and remain in shape. She also finds it a way to beat the Nevadan heat, staying there for hours at a time for relaxation and cardio, regularly doing laps across the pool and capping off with some sunbathing to keep a nice tan going.

Meghan is also a fan of basketball, finding it as a way to keep on her toes and get good cardio in. She plays basketball on her downtime during the afternoon outside on open courts, and will gladly with anyone wanting the court. She regularly played basketball when she was a child, but she has no knowledge of any players besides the big names like LeBron James and Stephen Curry. For her senior year, Meghan signed up for basketball at her school and is generally known to be a good player with an average success of scoring, but finds herself better at defense.

In class and around the school, Meghan is open to anyone, willing to engage in friendly chats with anyone and whenever she witnesses bullying, she will always come to defend and put a stop to it. As with her dreams of being a cop, Meghan always tries to be a team player and a leader figure, being the first one to volunteer for any school programs that involves groups and will always try to be the “leader” giving everyone motivation and instructions on how to improve themselves.

Her aspirations also lead her to have a cool head, not letting fights get to her as she attempts to approach a situation with rational intent, just like how a police officer would while investigating a crime scene. She generally sees the good in any person, no matter how mean or shady they are, and is shown to be selfless, as per her dreams of protecting others. She has a grand sense of humility and is willing to selflessly help anyone, even if it’s to the detriment of her time or health to keep someone happy.

Meghan’s aspirations in life is to go to a police academy in Nevada and become a police officer, just like her father. She also has plans of attending University of California and getting a degree in forensic science to hopefully better her chances at getting a job as a cop.

Advantages: Meghan has good team leadership skills and can be very protective of others. She’s been taking training in self defense to keep herself safe, and can be able to think through any situation rationally.
Disadvantages: Her naivety and optimistic worldview leads her to underestimating people and being easily lied to. She also has a giant amount of humility and selflessness, willing to get herself hurt or hungry just to help someone else who needs it.

[VoltTurtle]

Heya Sharky. I'm the staffer that has Meghan, and unfortunately she is DENIED pending some fixes and additions. My comments are as follows:

Hobbies and Interests: Basketball, Photography, Swimming, tutoring, Video Games

A few problems with this hobby list. Only her video game hobby is sufficiently substantiated in her biography.

Every hobby should explain the following in the biography:
- How did the character got started with the hobby?
- What they do with the hobby (eg regular play, practice, etc)?
- Why do they enjoy the hobby?

Basketball is mentioned as something she was into since a young age, hence chipping her tooth. However, you mention her getting into basketball in one sentence in the last paragraph. I'm going to need you to pull that sentence out of that paragraph and turn it into its own paragraph, answering the above questions.

Swimming isn't mentioned at all beyond her watching events for it. If you want her to swim, it's going to need its own paragraph, somewhere. Otherwise delete it from this list.

Photography is given some mention, but could use a little expansion. I asked about it below.

Tutoring is only mentioned once in a single sentence. If you want to keep it as a major hobby, then capitalize tutoring here, to keep it consistent. If you don't (because you can't or don't want to expand upon it) then I'd suggest just deleting it from this list.

Please make sure to address all of this in some way.

about 5’6 and

Need a " after the 6 to denote it's in inches.

dimples across her cheeks in a triangle pattern

Not sure "triangle pattern" is the right way to describe this, that makes me think of three distinct dimples making a triangle, which isn't how dimples work (I have them!). Just say she has dimples or otherwise change your description here.

Meghan takes care of her body, showering regularly and keeping up her hygiene, and because of this lacks acne across her face and body

Acne actually has very little to do with personal hygiene! You get acne mainly because of your skin oils which have more to do with genetics and hormones than anything else. It's fine if she just has a naturally clear complexion, a lot of people do!

being slightly chipped from a basketball to the face as a child

Basketballs are a bit too soft to chip teeth, normally. She could've gotten hit in the face and then hit the hard ground face-first, but you'd need to specify that.

Meghan wears brown shorts to her knees, a white tank top and a dark blue blazer

What kind of shoes does she wear?

wears a navy hate on her head

Did you mean hat?

Nancy from a young age was doted on by Nancy

Nancy doted on herself?

social life, usually packing snakes for Meghan when

Subject switch. Assuming that first "Nancy" was actually supposed to be "Meghan", you're still talking about Meghan as the primary subject, which causes this to read like Meghan is packing snacks for herself. Simple fix:

"social life, Nancy packed snacks for Meghan when"

started to go to Pre-School.

It's just "preschool" as one word, doesn't need to be capitalized.

Meghan grew close to her mother and watched their favorite movies together and having Mother-Daughter date nights

You change tenses halfway through this sentence. Should be:

"Meghan grew close to her mother, watching their favorite movies together and having Mother-Daughter date nights"

however, is much more complicated

Given that Charles is deceased, I think that "is" should be a "was".

her if she stumbles on her grades

Stumbled.

Charles treatment

Charles' treatment. Apostrophe is needed.

daughter snd Nancy’s

And.

before he stoped and

Stopped.

Charles relationship

Again, Charles'.

with Meghan improved somewhat, with Charles becoming more patient with her and encouraging her in her classes

Why? Domestic abusers don't typically go from one incident to stopping to turning around. Doesn't have to be too complex, just a simple "oh I'm the bad guy" realization on his part could be enough.

police prescient

Precinct. Prescient means something entirely different.

her father shot himself

Okay, so, parental suicide tends to be very traumatic for children. While it's clear Meghan was affected by her father's death, I want a bit more substantiation other than just her being "devastated" and wearing the police badge around all the time. It doesn't have to be in this paragraph but I want to know how this impacted her immediately in the aftermath and as she grew up.

to make way around

Make their way.

and she was gifted his badge

Anything else? A mention of her wearing it all the time as a keepsake or way to honor her father would fit, since she clearly does that per the appearance section.

They moved into a smaller, two bedroom house

Two bedroom house? Would probably be a two bedroom apartment or duplex. Houses are pretty expensive out in Vegas.

She began to take self defense classes at 13 years old, and found herself enjoying the scenery and bustle of Las Vegas, regularly taking strolls around the city and taking photographs of the sights she finds lovely.

These two ideas do not connect to each other. Combine the self defense classes with the previous sentence. Split the bit about the photography off and combine it with the next paragraph (since it talks about the hobby).

at first, but manages to improve

Managed.

While in lockdown, Meghan enjoyed playing online games, seeing them as a way to socialize with others. Her favorite games were World of Warcraft, Mortal Kombat, Five Nights at Freddy’s and Grand Theft Auto V.

After the pandemic ended, did she resume her photography? Also, please add a comma after Freddy's.

getting Bs and Cs for Freshmen and Sophomore

"In Freshman and Sophomore year", note the "a" in freshman, not freshmen.

becoming a junior

Capitalize Junior to keep it consistent.

willing to open

Willing to be open to.

preferences, though of someone

If, not of.

Meghan is a Social Butterfly

Social butterfly doesn't need to be capitalized.

Meghan herself has taken up basketball, finding the game great at keeping her on her toes.

This is the aforementioned only mention of Meghan playing basketball. Please pull this out of this paragraph and expand upon it, preferably talking about how she got into it in her early life, given the implication that she started as a child.

and are shown to be selfless

Is, not are. Known instead of shown.

Meghan has good team leadership skills

How? Her being a leader isn't mentioned once in the biography. All advantages/disadvantages need to connect back to the biography in some way. Mention this in at least one of the expanded paragraphs.

self defense to keep herself physically well

To keep herself safe. Physically well is a weird way to say that.

and can be able to think through any situation rationally

Again, how? This doesn't connect to the biography.

Her nativity and

Naivety, not nativity. That's two different words.

Lastly, what are Meghan's plans for the future? What school is she planning to go to (if any)? What job or career is she interested in pursuing? Does she not have any plans at all? Add a paragraph at the end of the biography explaining these things.


...And that's it. Please make sure to address all of my requested edits, and try to reread your profile after you finish it to fix any issues yourself. Most of my comments could've been easily addressed by proofreading your own profile or putting it in a word processor to check for grammar or spelling errors first.

Post back here when you have all that done and I'll give Meghan another look!

[SharkyTGirl185]

Heya! Second draft now complete! Lemme know anything I miss and anything else to add!

[VoltTurtle]

Looking better! Still a few problems, including a few holdovers and a few new ones I spotted now that most of the errors were cleaned up.

She had a lack acne across her face and body.

Two things, one it would be "has" (had is past tense), and "a lack of acne", you forgot a word.

and for the most part, straight

Normally you'd add a comma after "straight" because it's an aside, but I'd just rearrange to say "and straight for the most part,".

Meghan from a young age was doted on by Nancy

Should be rearranged. "From a young age, Meghan was doted on by Nancy".

for Meghan when when she started

You have two "whens" here.

Charles relationship with

You forgot the apostrophe again.

with Charles realized his issues and tried to work on it with family therapy

Wrong tense and plurality. Realizing instead of realized, trying instead of tried, and them instead of it.

Nancy was rocky, the two

Rocky, but.

patient with her and encouraged

With Meghan, since the main subject of the last sentence as Nancy.

the police prescient and

Precinct. I mentioned this last time along with the apostrophe issue, please do not forget to address any of my comments.

idolize her father’s job and protecting the city

Job of protecting.

took a dead stop

Came to a dead stop.

After lockdown finished, Meghan threw herself back into photography, and has a instagram profile that she regularly posts her images to.

Still want a little bit more of this. What does she enjoy about photography? You can look at and take pictures of lovely things without being into photography. Also, capitalize Instagram.

Coming into Southwest Red Rock High School, Meghan has adapted socially to her environment as a student and classmate. She gets very strong grades, usually in history, math and science, though stumbles a bit in English, getting Bs and Cs for Freshman and Sophomore. After becoming a Junior, she improved on those ends and has been a well maintained B and A student.

What's her favorite subject, if any? If she doesn't have one, mention that.

Meghan loves to build others up, and so she takes up tutoring at the school to help students in need for tests, homework and exams, never denying help to anyone. She will always be available after school for an hour and a half, or longer if they need extra help. Meghan usually tutors freshman and sophomore years, but will gladly help her fellow classmates in whatever they are struggling with, even giving them notes on what to improve on.

How did she get started tutoring initially?

Despite her relationship with her father, Meghan is devoutly pro-police

Despite? It seems like it's because of her relationship with her father, given it improved before he died and she constantly keeps his badge.

Meghan is openly bisexual, finding herself attracted to both men and women on the spectrum. She has little in the way of preferences, though if someone is flirting with her, she is willing to flirt back if given the chance. She’s much more nervous flirting with other girls, however.

Socially, Meghan is a social butterfly, with great school spirit. She attends any high school game, whether that be football, swimming, track, school bands and other events. She will even come to any of their practices, if allowed and would watch with enthusiasm and would try and cheer them on.

Combine these paragraphs, putting the "Socially," paragraph first.

Meghan herself has taken swimming up

Taken up swimming. Also, when? How old was she/what grade was she in when she started?

her to exercises and

Exercise. No s on the end.

beat the New Mexican heat

Vegas is in Nevada, not New Mexico.

basketball it when

This "it" should not be here.

and are shown

And is shown.


...and that's it. Post back here when you have that done and I'll give her another look!

[SharkyTGirl185]

Bing Banda boom!

[VoltTurtle]

Okay a few small things I didn't already catch:

She will always be available after school for an hour and a half, or longer if they need extra help. Meghan usually tutors freshman and sophomore years, but will gladly help her fellow classmates in whatever they are struggling with, even giving them notes on what to improve on.

Shouldn't be in future tense here, past tense since you're describing her prior activities.

"She would always be available after school for an hour and a half, or longer if they needed extra help. Meghan usually tutored freshman and sophomore years, but would gladly help her fellow classmates in whatever they were struggling with, even giving them notes on what to improve on."

Due to the relationship with her father

Due to her relationship with her father.

Fix those and you should be good to go.

[SharkyTGirl185]

And done!!!!^^

[VoltTurtle]

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