Okay, Cynthia's looking better, but there are still a few things you missed. I'm being generous this time, but if any of these points are not addressed I will kick you back, as before. Read carefully, and make sure you get everything. Double, triple check if you need to.

On occasions, she’ll wear ...

You missed the first comment:

Hobbies: Hunting, Driving, Cooking, Exercising.

The period at the end shouldn't be there.

Please double check everything else!

That hug was a brief, beautiful moment where Beelzebub allowed herself to be vulnerable, almost like the way she was at home, around her pigs.

That moment had passed.

Beelzebub put Céline down and let her go, tossing the journal onto the bench next to her. She smiled again, a half-cocked smirk ...

Okay, Cynthia is looking a lot better, but she's still got a fairly large number of issues. Much of these are grammar issues, so I'd advise you to please use a grammar guide in the future while proofreading your work.

Hobbies: Hunting, Driving, Cooking, Exercising.

This isn't a sentence and you ...

Heya all. I'm at Combo Breaker this week so I'm gonna be MIA from roughly today (time of posting) to Memorial Day.

Hey Sharky! Looks like you missed a few things, namely that there are still a lot of instances of Cooper that I asked you change to Cynthia. Make sure to go back over my last post and get everything listed. Thank you!

Heya Sharky. I've got Cynthia. Unfortunately, she's DENIED pending fixes and a few major revisions. The biggest problem with the profile currently is Sebastian, whose abuse is cartoonishly evil to the point where he's less like a person and (along with the rest of his family) more like a parody. I ...

Beelzebub could see the flames of Hell stoked behind Céline's eyes. She basked in their warmth, her grin growing wider by the moment as she saw Céline rush forward. The apple had been taken, bitten, and now...

Céline kicked out. Beelzebub saw it coming, how Céline's body tensed and shuddered in ...

In-ter-est-ing.

Beelzebub kept a hold on the journal, matching all the strength that Céline's tiny body could muster with just one arm. She lazily observed the other girl struggling for it, her expression unreadable. All along, this was all it took to get Céline to act in her own defense? No amount ...

Beelzebub tilted her head, the shadows now revealing one half of her face in full.

"Interesting," she said, her smile receding.

Not quite what she had been hoping for, but then again she hadn't been sure what to expect. Beelzebub had only a reluctant appreciation for the creations of God, the ...

Beelzebub's smile grew wider as Céline spoke, taking brief note that she spoke up without needing to be told this time. Perhaps, Satan willing, a lost little lamb could learn something new from time to time. Not that Beelzebub had any faith in Céline, for even after all of Beelzebub's lessons, she ...

Foolish was Céline to believe herself isolated, for the Devil lurks around every corner, waiting only for her perfect moment to rise and devour the hearts of men.

CHARITY "BEELZEBUB" SMITH - PREGAME START

Las Vegas was a city of rot. Parasitized by the Vegas Strip, it was filled to the brim with ...

She's looking a lot better! Content-wise she's good, she just some grammar and flow fixes now.

After the pandemic loosened up

The pandemic didn't really loosen up, but the lockdowns did.

Initially this went poorly

This is a new paragraph so you need to re-establish ideas/subjects. Eg ...

Heya RBP! You missed a few things in my last critique, namely that you're still missing several possessive apostrophes, a few commas I requested, and one "lead" instead of "led". Please go back over my critique and make sure you get everything before posting that you're done.

Thank you!