Shooter, shooter, shooter, shooter. You don't want it with a shooter. Shooter, shooter, shooter.

[Melusine]

"'You'll have to guess the lyrics for that one'.

"I fuckin' hate Spotify. It's bodiez by Siouxxie Sixxsta, not fuckin'... I don't know, not sludged by death insurance. I'm telling you: she's gonna' blow up soon. I love her so much.

"I mean, I think she already blew up on TikTok but it's not like I'm on there. I only watch Youtube Shorts. Anyways, seriously, give it a listen.

"I got like fifty bodiez- I don't know what she's saying there, but she's saying something. Oh, that's my first favorite part,

"Hopping on the taxi, bitch I'm feeling sexy / If I end my life today they would never miss me- no idea what she's saying here either. Do you?

"You neither? RIP. Anyways, sorry I'm on your laps. Lap? Laps or lap? I forgot. The English language can be so like fuckin' limitating. Do we have more edibles? I was eatin' one and I lost it. Ugh, God dammit. Anyways, did you like it? Tell me you liked it, please. I don't care if it's a lie, I just wanna' hear you say it.

"Okay thank you.

"I just don't have much to say today.

"Other than that, thank you for hanging out with me today. Today dad and mom were fighting about me again. They don't, I don't know, they don't get it I think? They get it that I get it that when they're fighting it hurts me. So why are they fighting? It just really sucks it's like I'm not really there for them.

"Like I overheard my mom saying that I should be partying more, that I should be out more, and it's like, I get that, I guess but she makes me feel like I'm wasting my time. Like my teenage years are being wasted by simply being me. It's so stupid.

"My dad's worse. He said we shouldn't go out last night. I wanted to see grandma. He was like 'no you're sick, remember' and I wasn't and that made me sick. He made me sick! He made me sick, and it's so fuckin' upsetting. My mom was screaming at him about it, so I made a bowl of popcorn to eat in my bedroom. I think I got a binge eating problem, honestly. Whenever something bad happens, I eat. And bad things happen all the time, so I eat all the time.

"It doesn't help my mom called me fat last night. Well, she didn't call me fat. She told my dad that I ate too much and that I was getting chubby. And, you know, I eat too much. I know I do. It's always eatin' this and that, and drinkin' this or that. I think I ate like 4000 calories last night in one sitting. All-day was fine, until my parents fought.

"Sorry I bumped the mood down. Wanna' listen to Ho99o9? Or Eartheater? Okay, Eartheater is it.

"Come here, I'll be right Below the clavicle.

"I really like this song.

"I'm not too heavy right? I know I get heavy when I'm sad, so don't get uncomfortable telling me to get off. I know I get cuddly and all when we smoke, but don't think about it too much, I'll bounce back.

"I just wish I were dead that's all. I wish I could be like 'no, I don't wanna' die' but I wanna' die. Like die like permanently. Not like I fall asleep and forget what's the deal, or like I get into a coma: I want to be permanently be gone, you know?

"You don't?

"That's okay.

"That's what my parents were fighting about. They were wondering about getting me hospitalized. I was worried they would put me there. I wanna' be a bug in their room right now. They don't know I sneaked off. I wish that they did. I wish they were looking for me. I wish they were blowing up my phone and asking me if I'm okay. But they don't. They're too busy fighting each other.

"It's really exhausting. It's really, just, like... you're not fighting for me here. You should! I want to tell them! But instead, I am eatin' too much and sleeping too much and fuckin' smoking weed at 2 am at a park that if we're caught I think we just go to juvie. I'm sorry about the late-night call. I wish we could do it at home, but it's too late, or too early for that.

"I wanna' see the black soul inside of me evaporated, or whatever. It's exhausting. I feel like I'm always raining. Something's always coming down and it feels like it's my entire fault. It's the whole depression, low-pressure and all. It's so stupid, and I'm so stupid. The double K crystals still kiss my nose despite everything.

"...I just feel like a black cloud today. I'm sorry."