Mortimer's 10 Hotels - Number 8 - The Behemoth
Mortimer appears at the front of the MGM Grand Hotel, where he stands in front of the golden lion statue by the emerald-colored hotel.
"This here is the MGM Grand. It doesn't look remarkable, but this is a building that has set records and is vital in Las Vegas history. Now, in terms of how many tourists can come to this city's biggest hotels and resorts, I would say that the minimum amount of tourists in a single day could be at 64,000 when using the largest hotels. The maximum of that amount is about 256,000 though it could be higher. When the MGM Grand opened up in 1993 on one fine December for Christmas, it was considered the largest hotel in the world. That ranking at being the largest had dropped down to 3rd place, though Las Vegas hotels are known to be large to accommodate the tourists and gamblers. The 2nd place ranking belongs to the Venetian resort, but only counting both the Venetian hotel and the Palazzo with the Venezia Tower. The largest hotel ever as of now is all the way in Malaysia, known as the First World Hotel."
Mortimer looks like he is about to take the reader to the tour of inside of the hotel, but he pauses and frowns.
"Now, here is something important. Obviously, while I'm not covering the Mandalay Bay (Surprise, surprise! I know. I spoiled the twist), any city in the world has its fair share of massive tragedy. Knowing and acknowledging of the 2017 mass shooting that happened from the Mandalay Bay that managed to beat the record; a record that those narcissistic gun-wielding trigger happy trenchcoat mafia dipshits shouldn't be allowed to beat; in terms of people killed, scars will always remain. It didn't help that the year before that, there was the Pulse in Orlando. I shall not drift into the topic of such horrible gun violence that had happened, knowing of the frequency it has been happening even after the pandemic put a pause of that for a year. Though 2018 was a bad year in general, not helping that a shitload of high school students from Tennessee got kidnapped and killed off."
Mortimer grows uncomfortable, before he continued.
"But... there is one disaster that had happened in Las Vegas that might seem distant now, but those who thrive off of the city's past can see the gaping wound left behind."
Traveler's Guide to Las Vegas: Written by a Local Lunatic
Multi-shot displaced from any sense of time and space... (Content warnings found on top post)
Mortimer appears in front of the Horseshoe Las Vegas, wearing an old fireman's coat and helmet.
"The original MGM Grand actually used to be here. First, it was the MGM Grand. Then, it changed into a place called Bally's. Now, it's the Horseshoe."
Mortimer spots the Guy Fieri's Flavortown Sports Kitchen nearby.
"There isn't anything else fancy of the place, since it has been going through renovations every now and then, but let's talk about what happened when it was still the MGM Grand."
The fabric of time and space shift the present day into November 21, 1980.
Firefighters are swarming the MGM hotel after it had caught fire. Helicopters are helping with evacuating people who were stranded on the upper floors.
"The MGM Grand fire. The deadliest disaster in Nevada history and is the 9th deadliest high-rise fire in the world. The original 10th deadliest high-rise fire still needed a mention, since it was the Grenfell Tower fire back at the United Kingdom. Knowing that there are a lot of Brits who are secretly gods, some of us in the US are able of what happened. In terms of the current 10th deadliest high-rise..." Mortimer knew the answer, though it would require him to do some literal time crimes, "it's bound to happen later".
Mortimer went back on topic.
"The MGM Grand was the 3rd deadliest hotel fire in the United States, being beaten by the Dupont Plaza Hotel fire in Puetro Rico caused by some fucking scab hunters, and the Winecoff Hotel fire in Atlanta back in 1946. The deadliest hotel fire was back at Korea in 1971, while the 2nd deadliest high-rise fire was when Black October happened in Russia with tanks shooting at the top of the House of Soviets. The deadliest high-rise fire of all?" Mortimer reaches down to the ground to pick up the severed chocolate head of the Statue of Liberty. "You get the idea."
"Now, whenever a skyscraper fire happens, it's bad when the fire starts on a lower floor, since fire can travel upwards fast like a matchstick. The kicker was that the sprinkler systems in the original MGM Grand didn't apply to all of the floors of the hotel. Only the first two floors and the top floor. The fire started in a restaurant when it was closed to which there were no one around to put out the blaze or have sprinklers get rid of the issue. All of this was because some cereal box mail order degree building inspector didn't listen to the fire marshals. Not helping much was that the lack of sprinklers were due to saving money, which if the inflation is put in with the math, could've been expensive but was necessary.
Then, here's where things get insane after the fire..." Mortimer says, to which some guy runs out of the hotel, clutching charred bills and valuables. "The fucking looters saw it as free real estate! Even more bizarre, there might have been some sort of burgular/extortion ring that showed up to the city. The police at the time after the fire got a phone call from the 'Scorpion' organization wanting 25 million in some bank account in Zurich, Switzerland or they would rob the other hotels. I doubt they would've done a good job at robbing hotels, since 1980 was still when the mob-run casinos were up, so such some crooks try to break it and start a fire, a whole lot of people are going to get whacked."
"The original MGM Grand actually used to be here. First, it was the MGM Grand. Then, it changed into a place called Bally's. Now, it's the Horseshoe."
Mortimer spots the Guy Fieri's Flavortown Sports Kitchen nearby.
"There isn't anything else fancy of the place, since it has been going through renovations every now and then, but let's talk about what happened when it was still the MGM Grand."
The fabric of time and space shift the present day into November 21, 1980.
Firefighters are swarming the MGM hotel after it had caught fire. Helicopters are helping with evacuating people who were stranded on the upper floors.
"The MGM Grand fire. The deadliest disaster in Nevada history and is the 9th deadliest high-rise fire in the world. The original 10th deadliest high-rise fire still needed a mention, since it was the Grenfell Tower fire back at the United Kingdom. Knowing that there are a lot of Brits who are secretly gods, some of us in the US are able of what happened. In terms of the current 10th deadliest high-rise..." Mortimer knew the answer, though it would require him to do some literal time crimes, "it's bound to happen later".
Mortimer went back on topic.
"The MGM Grand was the 3rd deadliest hotel fire in the United States, being beaten by the Dupont Plaza Hotel fire in Puetro Rico caused by some fucking scab hunters, and the Winecoff Hotel fire in Atlanta back in 1946. The deadliest hotel fire was back at Korea in 1971, while the 2nd deadliest high-rise fire was when Black October happened in Russia with tanks shooting at the top of the House of Soviets. The deadliest high-rise fire of all?" Mortimer reaches down to the ground to pick up the severed chocolate head of the Statue of Liberty. "You get the idea."
"Now, whenever a skyscraper fire happens, it's bad when the fire starts on a lower floor, since fire can travel upwards fast like a matchstick. The kicker was that the sprinkler systems in the original MGM Grand didn't apply to all of the floors of the hotel. Only the first two floors and the top floor. The fire started in a restaurant when it was closed to which there were no one around to put out the blaze or have sprinklers get rid of the issue. All of this was because some cereal box mail order degree building inspector didn't listen to the fire marshals. Not helping much was that the lack of sprinklers were due to saving money, which if the inflation is put in with the math, could've been expensive but was necessary.
Then, here's where things get insane after the fire..." Mortimer says, to which some guy runs out of the hotel, clutching charred bills and valuables. "The fucking looters saw it as free real estate! Even more bizarre, there might have been some sort of burgular/extortion ring that showed up to the city. The police at the time after the fire got a phone call from the 'Scorpion' organization wanting 25 million in some bank account in Zurich, Switzerland or they would rob the other hotels. I doubt they would've done a good job at robbing hotels, since 1980 was still when the mob-run casinos were up, so such some crooks try to break it and start a fire, a whole lot of people are going to get whacked."
Mortimer appears back in the present day inside of the lobby of the MGM Grand.
"Now, for the actual hotel itself here. The emerald exterior is supposed to have the hotel themed to be based off of The Wizard of Oz, but there is a bunch of other theming that came from the opening of the hotel, so you have references to Hollywood and some other shit. Just like the Planet Hollywood, the Hollywood theming itself does nothing to present itself and comes across as generic. Inside of here looks like the inside of a movie theater palace. There is a bit of a weird complaint, since even though the MGM Grand is supposed to be themed around Hollywood, there is this weird 00's television studio feel. A lot of stuff here have references to cable channels, like you're in some bootleg media dimension."
Mortimer appears in a hallway in the MGM Grand.
"Here's something to note. You know how it is with liminal spaces. Stuff like empty hallways and dream-like settings?" Mortimer steps to the side to show how long the hallway he's in is.
"Take this surreal nightmare. Due to how large the hotel is for guests, you would need to walk or jog down a hallway like this to get to your hotel room. It doesn't help that while you're walking down, the carpet changes and makes you think you just walked through a mirror. If you get drunk or tripping balls under some drugs, you're going to get lost while being subjected to the carpet trying to consume you."
Mortimer appears inside of a regular hotel room inside of the MGM Grand to demonstrate how cramped the room feels.
"Immediately when you go in, you're met with the bathroom, which is just as cramped as the room. You don't feel like you're in a hotel room! It's more of a cabin in a train or a cruise ship. No sense of space and the bed is- ARGHHH" Mortimer didn't enjoy how uncomfortable the bed felt when he sat down on it. "It's like a dorm room bed in a low-end apartment. The very definition of quantity over quality here."
"Now, for the actual hotel itself here. The emerald exterior is supposed to have the hotel themed to be based off of The Wizard of Oz, but there is a bunch of other theming that came from the opening of the hotel, so you have references to Hollywood and some other shit. Just like the Planet Hollywood, the Hollywood theming itself does nothing to present itself and comes across as generic. Inside of here looks like the inside of a movie theater palace. There is a bit of a weird complaint, since even though the MGM Grand is supposed to be themed around Hollywood, there is this weird 00's television studio feel. A lot of stuff here have references to cable channels, like you're in some bootleg media dimension."
Mortimer appears in a hallway in the MGM Grand.
"Here's something to note. You know how it is with liminal spaces. Stuff like empty hallways and dream-like settings?" Mortimer steps to the side to show how long the hallway he's in is.
"Take this surreal nightmare. Due to how large the hotel is for guests, you would need to walk or jog down a hallway like this to get to your hotel room. It doesn't help that while you're walking down, the carpet changes and makes you think you just walked through a mirror. If you get drunk or tripping balls under some drugs, you're going to get lost while being subjected to the carpet trying to consume you."
Mortimer appears inside of a regular hotel room inside of the MGM Grand to demonstrate how cramped the room feels.
"Immediately when you go in, you're met with the bathroom, which is just as cramped as the room. You don't feel like you're in a hotel room! It's more of a cabin in a train or a cruise ship. No sense of space and the bed is- ARGHHH" Mortimer didn't enjoy how uncomfortable the bed felt when he sat down on it. "It's like a dorm room bed in a low-end apartment. The very definition of quantity over quality here."
Mortimer appears at the Topgolf attraction next door to the MGM Grand, where he has an umbrella open to deflect many of the golf balls falling at him.
"The good news is that you do have a lot of options here to not worry about a shitty room or when looking for stuff to do in the MGM Grand. Along with shows, you can also eat at several restaurants here at the-"
Mortimer gets struck by a golf ball that managed to nab his ear.
"Ah fuck! DO YOU FUCKING MIND!" Mortimer drops the umbrella briefly to yell at whoever took the swing, but he gets immediately pelted by several other golf balls that fly into him fast, causing him to retreat from the greens.
Mortimer appears inside of the Wolfgang Puck restaurant with multiple visible bruises.
"A lot of people who may have shows on Food Network have a restaurant here. However, the most prevalent would have to be Joel Robuchon with both the restaurant of the same name and L'Atelier. Both of them are ungodly expensive places with French cuisine, which can easily eat up literally the money in the wallet, when you're feasting on a tasting menu or some foie gras. My recommendation is to just go to Wolfgang Puck's place also in the MGM Grand. The prices are much more reasonable and the food is just as good. I would recommend getting the truffle potato chips and the spaghetti and meatballs." Mortimer digs and twirls his fork into the spaghetti noodles. "The creme brulee is also something I would enlist to for something sweet."
Mortimer appears in the middle of the Hakkasan nightclub that is booming with crowds and a massive DJ performance. Mortimer has to yell, so that the reader can hear him.
"FOR THE NIGHTLIFE, THERE IS THE HAKKASAN NIGHTCLUB THAT YOU CAN GO TO! THE MAIN ISSUE IS THAT JUST LIKE ANY CROWDED NIGHTCLUB, YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH STANDING SIDE TO SIDE WITH SWEATY DRUNK PARTYGOERS WHILE ALSO BEING SWEATY AND DRUNK! I SAY THAT YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM HERE, SINCE IT'S OVERRATED!"
"The good news is that you do have a lot of options here to not worry about a shitty room or when looking for stuff to do in the MGM Grand. Along with shows, you can also eat at several restaurants here at the-"
Mortimer gets struck by a golf ball that managed to nab his ear.
"Ah fuck! DO YOU FUCKING MIND!" Mortimer drops the umbrella briefly to yell at whoever took the swing, but he gets immediately pelted by several other golf balls that fly into him fast, causing him to retreat from the greens.
Mortimer appears inside of the Wolfgang Puck restaurant with multiple visible bruises.
"A lot of people who may have shows on Food Network have a restaurant here. However, the most prevalent would have to be Joel Robuchon with both the restaurant of the same name and L'Atelier. Both of them are ungodly expensive places with French cuisine, which can easily eat up literally the money in the wallet, when you're feasting on a tasting menu or some foie gras. My recommendation is to just go to Wolfgang Puck's place also in the MGM Grand. The prices are much more reasonable and the food is just as good. I would recommend getting the truffle potato chips and the spaghetti and meatballs." Mortimer digs and twirls his fork into the spaghetti noodles. "The creme brulee is also something I would enlist to for something sweet."
Mortimer appears in the middle of the Hakkasan nightclub that is booming with crowds and a massive DJ performance. Mortimer has to yell, so that the reader can hear him.
"FOR THE NIGHTLIFE, THERE IS THE HAKKASAN NIGHTCLUB THAT YOU CAN GO TO! THE MAIN ISSUE IS THAT JUST LIKE ANY CROWDED NIGHTCLUB, YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH STANDING SIDE TO SIDE WITH SWEATY DRUNK PARTYGOERS WHILE ALSO BEING SWEATY AND DRUNK! I SAY THAT YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM HERE, SINCE IT'S OVERRATED!"
Mortimer appears chilling on a pool float with sunglasses on, drifting in the middle of a crowded pool.
"You should still enjoy the pool action here, since it's a popular part of the hotel. In terms of shows, there is some options. Las Vegas is no stranger to magic shows, to which you can watch David Copperfield here. There is also the Jabbawockeez dance group that also performs here. However, there is one notable show that is still well-known."
Mortimer stands in front of the giant floating platform belonging to the Cirque du Soleil show Kà.
"Perhaps the most technologically advanced Cirque du Soleil show to grace the world, Kà is a technical marvel in performances. The stage lacks an actual floor to which the main set is composed of two giant moving platforms that hover below the pit and audience. Knowing how it is with Cirque du Soleil, they like to make spectacles of a lot of things." Mortimer peers down into the pit below the stage.
"A lot of things that are spectacles around Vegas in fact."
"You should still enjoy the pool action here, since it's a popular part of the hotel. In terms of shows, there is some options. Las Vegas is no stranger to magic shows, to which you can watch David Copperfield here. There is also the Jabbawockeez dance group that also performs here. However, there is one notable show that is still well-known."
Mortimer stands in front of the giant floating platform belonging to the Cirque du Soleil show Kà.
"Perhaps the most technologically advanced Cirque du Soleil show to grace the world, Kà is a technical marvel in performances. The stage lacks an actual floor to which the main set is composed of two giant moving platforms that hover below the pit and audience. Knowing how it is with Cirque du Soleil, they like to make spectacles of a lot of things." Mortimer peers down into the pit below the stage.
"A lot of things that are spectacles around Vegas in fact."
Mortimer's 10 Hotels - Number 9 - Hotel for the Gods
Mortimer appears in front of the replica of the Trevi Fountain by the Forum Shops at Caesars.
"Here's another familiar hotel. The Caesars Palace is based off of the European theme that a lot of Vegas hotels do that puts it as high-end. Caesars is, of course, themed after the Romans with their love for replica statues, marble, and Roman columns. This whole hotel is littered with enough replica works of art from the Roman, Greek and Renaissance eras, to which it even has it's own colosseum arena."
Mortimer reappears inside of the Forum Shops, to which the "skies" were currently dark, while he was near the Fountain of the Gods. "Just like Miracle Mile at Planet Hollywood and the Grand Canal Shoppes at the Venetian, this hotel has it's own immersive mall with expensive stories and restaurants. with its sky-painted ceilings. What's also unique is that this place has escalators that go in spirals, which is uncommon in a mall like this. At least, you can shop for Gucci here for all of you preps."
Mortimer stands in front of the Atlantis Show while it's dormant. "The Forum Shops also have a hourly show with animatronics that is meant to depict the fall of Atlantis. It has enough lasers and flashy lights to keep the kids entertained, while you're eating or shopping nearby. It's funny, because despite how old-fashioned the place is meant to look, it still looks beautiful."
Mortimer appears in front of the replica of the Trevi Fountain by the Forum Shops at Caesars.
"Here's another familiar hotel. The Caesars Palace is based off of the European theme that a lot of Vegas hotels do that puts it as high-end. Caesars is, of course, themed after the Romans with their love for replica statues, marble, and Roman columns. This whole hotel is littered with enough replica works of art from the Roman, Greek and Renaissance eras, to which it even has it's own colosseum arena."
Mortimer reappears inside of the Forum Shops, to which the "skies" were currently dark, while he was near the Fountain of the Gods. "Just like Miracle Mile at Planet Hollywood and the Grand Canal Shoppes at the Venetian, this hotel has it's own immersive mall with expensive stories and restaurants. with its sky-painted ceilings. What's also unique is that this place has escalators that go in spirals, which is uncommon in a mall like this. At least, you can shop for Gucci here for all of you preps."
Mortimer stands in front of the Atlantis Show while it's dormant. "The Forum Shops also have a hourly show with animatronics that is meant to depict the fall of Atlantis. It has enough lasers and flashy lights to keep the kids entertained, while you're eating or shopping nearby. It's funny, because despite how old-fashioned the place is meant to look, it still looks beautiful."
Mortimer is outside by the Absinthe tent, to which he has the reader look away from something.
"This is the part where I cover something else relevant to Caesars Palace, since it's location is directly nearby. Now, the rooms in the Caesars are decent, but that's not why I'm also here. You have been waiting for me to talk about a certain man, who while he didn't grow up in Las Vegas, left enough of a pop culture imprint in terms of culinary television rivaling that of Iron Chef."
Mortimer allows the reader to see the Hell's Kitchen restaurant.
"Gordon Ramsey. He is a man that appeared on television in the United Kingdom, until the reaches of Fox media in their need to find the best reality TV possible managed to get their hands on him for a show that still has clips and videos being shown to this day. No one knows who runs the Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen Youtube channels, but they run it in the same vein as Sonic the Hedgehog's Twitter. Now for Hell's Kitchen, the show actually started in the United Kingdom, but the American version became so popular that there is still seasons happening."
Mortimer glances at the Hell's Kitchen restaurant. "Despite what you may think, that is not the original Hell's Kitchen restaurant. Caesars Palace did allow two seasons to be filmed by the hotel in Vegas, but all of the other seasons were filmed in Los Angeles. Because Hollywood still has its hold on television. Harsh and honest British people were a thing and craze that happened around the 00's. You have Ramsey, Simon Cowell, and unfortunately I must mention this man's name since he was one of the original judges on America's Got Talent, but..." Mortimer clears his throat. "Piers Morgan."
Almost immediately, someone chucks a water bottle at Mortimer.
"SORRY!" Mortimer yells at whoever threw it.
"Now, like any notable harsh and honest British person in reality TV, their dramatic tone simmered down in later years. Usually for various reasons. Maybe their public persona conflicts with their personal lives or maybe there are the undisclosed death threats that appears that has said person sweep those threats under the rug from others and convinced themselves to be more easy-going. Probably one of the biggest what-the-fuck similarities with Ramsey and Cowell were that there were both involved in accidents, though in Ramsey's case.... Holy shit, man!"
Mortimer appears inside of the Hell's Kitchen restaurant, while people are being served food from the show.
"Gordon doesn't work at the Hell's Kitchen restaurant here in Vegas. Like celebrity chefs with their restaurants, they have their names on the front cover, while other professional chefs do the rest with said celebrity's recipes. In terms with Ramsey, he can be a wildcard, since anyone who has watched the original Kitchen Nightmares will always know of Amy's Baking Company. Though not far off from Kitchen Nightmares in terms of popularity is Bar Rescue with Jon Taffer, who may or may not be some random mob boss who rescues failing bars in his spare time..."
Mortimer eats some of Hell's Kitchen well-known meals, while sitting at a table. He has three plates with beef wellington, lobster risotto, and sticky toffee.
"In terms of best seasons of Hell's Kitchen, I would go with Season 6. Mostly because it was more dramatic and on the knife's edge than one would think. Some guy literally blew a fuse on the show and it was a spectacle. That also included the injuries by the two top chefs and other first time moments in the show. Compared to the other tense first seasons. I should also mention, seeing how I play Roblox, but for some unfathomed reason, there's an official Hell's Kitchen game. I mean, there was already a Hell's Kitchen video game that was published by Ubisoft, but it's still shovelware for the PC and Wii. The Roblox game has the same tasks be done. Maybe if they do it like Order Up or Cooking Mama then it could be more interesting... or that one random Spongebob game called Beach Party Cook-Off." Mortimer talks while he eats.
"Gordon Ramsey isn't the only celebrity chef that the state of Nevada worships. You have Guy Fieri, Bobby Flay, Robert Irvine, and Wolfgang Punk have some turf here and there. However, Ramsey has a lot of restaurants under his name in a lot of hotels on the Strip. So in hindsight, he is technically the culinary king here, though there are other restaurants that act all Michelin starred. The Michelin guide itself did cover restaurants here back then with their star system, but there has been no guide on them."
"This is the part where I cover something else relevant to Caesars Palace, since it's location is directly nearby. Now, the rooms in the Caesars are decent, but that's not why I'm also here. You have been waiting for me to talk about a certain man, who while he didn't grow up in Las Vegas, left enough of a pop culture imprint in terms of culinary television rivaling that of Iron Chef."
Mortimer allows the reader to see the Hell's Kitchen restaurant.
"Gordon Ramsey. He is a man that appeared on television in the United Kingdom, until the reaches of Fox media in their need to find the best reality TV possible managed to get their hands on him for a show that still has clips and videos being shown to this day. No one knows who runs the Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen Youtube channels, but they run it in the same vein as Sonic the Hedgehog's Twitter. Now for Hell's Kitchen, the show actually started in the United Kingdom, but the American version became so popular that there is still seasons happening."
Mortimer glances at the Hell's Kitchen restaurant. "Despite what you may think, that is not the original Hell's Kitchen restaurant. Caesars Palace did allow two seasons to be filmed by the hotel in Vegas, but all of the other seasons were filmed in Los Angeles. Because Hollywood still has its hold on television. Harsh and honest British people were a thing and craze that happened around the 00's. You have Ramsey, Simon Cowell, and unfortunately I must mention this man's name since he was one of the original judges on America's Got Talent, but..." Mortimer clears his throat. "Piers Morgan."
Almost immediately, someone chucks a water bottle at Mortimer.
"SORRY!" Mortimer yells at whoever threw it.
"Now, like any notable harsh and honest British person in reality TV, their dramatic tone simmered down in later years. Usually for various reasons. Maybe their public persona conflicts with their personal lives or maybe there are the undisclosed death threats that appears that has said person sweep those threats under the rug from others and convinced themselves to be more easy-going. Probably one of the biggest what-the-fuck similarities with Ramsey and Cowell were that there were both involved in accidents, though in Ramsey's case.... Holy shit, man!"
Mortimer appears inside of the Hell's Kitchen restaurant, while people are being served food from the show.
"Gordon doesn't work at the Hell's Kitchen restaurant here in Vegas. Like celebrity chefs with their restaurants, they have their names on the front cover, while other professional chefs do the rest with said celebrity's recipes. In terms with Ramsey, he can be a wildcard, since anyone who has watched the original Kitchen Nightmares will always know of Amy's Baking Company. Though not far off from Kitchen Nightmares in terms of popularity is Bar Rescue with Jon Taffer, who may or may not be some random mob boss who rescues failing bars in his spare time..."
Mortimer eats some of Hell's Kitchen well-known meals, while sitting at a table. He has three plates with beef wellington, lobster risotto, and sticky toffee.
"In terms of best seasons of Hell's Kitchen, I would go with Season 6. Mostly because it was more dramatic and on the knife's edge than one would think. Some guy literally blew a fuse on the show and it was a spectacle. That also included the injuries by the two top chefs and other first time moments in the show. Compared to the other tense first seasons. I should also mention, seeing how I play Roblox, but for some unfathomed reason, there's an official Hell's Kitchen game. I mean, there was already a Hell's Kitchen video game that was published by Ubisoft, but it's still shovelware for the PC and Wii. The Roblox game has the same tasks be done. Maybe if they do it like Order Up or Cooking Mama then it could be more interesting... or that one random Spongebob game called Beach Party Cook-Off." Mortimer talks while he eats.
"Gordon Ramsey isn't the only celebrity chef that the state of Nevada worships. You have Guy Fieri, Bobby Flay, Robert Irvine, and Wolfgang Punk have some turf here and there. However, Ramsey has a lot of restaurants under his name in a lot of hotels on the Strip. So in hindsight, he is technically the culinary king here, though there are other restaurants that act all Michelin starred. The Michelin guide itself did cover restaurants here back then with their star system, but there has been no guide on them."
Mortimer appears, eating some glazed prawns and sea bass in the Mr. Chow restaurant in Caesars Palace, but he let out a burp so his stomach is cleared of gas.
"It's going to be time to cover the buffets in Las Vegas. Oh yes... They are a staple, but using my crazed research and mad science, I'm able to visit some of the top buffet restaurants in this city to determine what is the most consumed. And using the ability to open up that phone or computer screen that you call a black mirror, I will process digital text into your taste buds, so you can savor the foods that I will mention." Mortimer looks crazed at what dream powers he can enforce.
The next thing that you know, you find yourself strapped into a chair at the end of a dining room table. Mortimer appears with a chef's outfit, while he gets some food ready.
"Bon appetite." he said, before explaining Vegas's most commonly eaten foods.
"There are two main things that Vegas loves to feed people. Prime ribs and crab legs. So many crab legs..." Mortimer gets out a dinner trolley with a bowl of crab legs, ready to shove into the reader's mouth. "The crab is probably one of the more eaten animals in Las Vegas. Every successful buffet will include crab in some form, but usually in the form of legs. It can be king crabs or snow legs. As long as they are nice and hot to eat. Lobster claws are among the list of most eaten, but crab dominates everything in its second place ranking. The prime rib is obvious, since it's meat that can be shared with others, but it's usually cooked so tender that it's hard to resist another piece. There are other pieces of protein that are eaten in Vegas. Including fried chicken, lamb chops, and pork belly. For breakfast, you get french toast and eggs benedict. And what is it that the vegetarians eat at the buffets that doesn't involve anything with meat on it? Chocolate covered strawberries."
In a flurry of forced gluttony, you find yourself being forced to devour the foods mentioned while still strapped in. Mortimer rips at your bottom jaw, so that you're able to shallow more easily.
You feel nothing but pain. You don't even get the chance to eat the meat from the bones. You feel another mini skeleton inside of you now, as your belly blows up. You gag on the food, but Mortimer gets a wooden pole to force more food into your throat.
"Come on! Human beings are omnivores like pigs! Eat! Consume!"
You let out a pained yelp in the midst of the food filled up in your mouth, as you blow up like a balloon.
"Keep! Eating!" Mortimer says to you, while he jams the wooden pole down your mouth. "People get off from this all the time! Just do your job for onc-"
You start crying blood and residue of food, as you don't feel so good. Your stomach makes a noise, until you feel something goes loose.
SPLAT
Your own chest explodes open like a trash can full of wet dog food. Chunks of everything spill out and splash onto Mortimer. Your kidney and heart end up on the other side of the room, while your eyes roll to the back of your skull.
Mortimer stands there, covered in your own gore and partially-eaten food, wiping away at his eyes to see better. He looks at your exploded corpse, knowing he just created Mr. Creosote.
"I didn't even give you a wafer-thin mint."
"It's going to be time to cover the buffets in Las Vegas. Oh yes... They are a staple, but using my crazed research and mad science, I'm able to visit some of the top buffet restaurants in this city to determine what is the most consumed. And using the ability to open up that phone or computer screen that you call a black mirror, I will process digital text into your taste buds, so you can savor the foods that I will mention." Mortimer looks crazed at what dream powers he can enforce.
The next thing that you know, you find yourself strapped into a chair at the end of a dining room table. Mortimer appears with a chef's outfit, while he gets some food ready.
"Bon appetite." he said, before explaining Vegas's most commonly eaten foods.
"There are two main things that Vegas loves to feed people. Prime ribs and crab legs. So many crab legs..." Mortimer gets out a dinner trolley with a bowl of crab legs, ready to shove into the reader's mouth. "The crab is probably one of the more eaten animals in Las Vegas. Every successful buffet will include crab in some form, but usually in the form of legs. It can be king crabs or snow legs. As long as they are nice and hot to eat. Lobster claws are among the list of most eaten, but crab dominates everything in its second place ranking. The prime rib is obvious, since it's meat that can be shared with others, but it's usually cooked so tender that it's hard to resist another piece. There are other pieces of protein that are eaten in Vegas. Including fried chicken, lamb chops, and pork belly. For breakfast, you get french toast and eggs benedict. And what is it that the vegetarians eat at the buffets that doesn't involve anything with meat on it? Chocolate covered strawberries."
In a flurry of forced gluttony, you find yourself being forced to devour the foods mentioned while still strapped in. Mortimer rips at your bottom jaw, so that you're able to shallow more easily.
You feel nothing but pain. You don't even get the chance to eat the meat from the bones. You feel another mini skeleton inside of you now, as your belly blows up. You gag on the food, but Mortimer gets a wooden pole to force more food into your throat.
"Come on! Human beings are omnivores like pigs! Eat! Consume!"
You let out a pained yelp in the midst of the food filled up in your mouth, as you blow up like a balloon.
"Keep! Eating!" Mortimer says to you, while he jams the wooden pole down your mouth. "People get off from this all the time! Just do your job for onc-"
You start crying blood and residue of food, as you don't feel so good. Your stomach makes a noise, until you feel something goes loose.
SPLAT
Your own chest explodes open like a trash can full of wet dog food. Chunks of everything spill out and splash onto Mortimer. Your kidney and heart end up on the other side of the room, while your eyes roll to the back of your skull.
Mortimer stands there, covered in your own gore and partially-eaten food, wiping away at his eyes to see better. He looks at your exploded corpse, knowing he just created Mr. Creosote.
"I didn't even give you a wafer-thin mint."
You end up back to normal in the middle of some alley. You still puke out small bones from your mouth.
You hear the footsteps of him approaching.
You want off this wild ride. You really do.
"C'mon... we have one more hotel to discuss. Then, it will be all over."
You look up to him, while your hands and legs are on the ground.
"Just. One. More! You should know what hotel I will mention."
You think on the many hotels left.
Then, you know what's number 10.
"Oh yes... I'm talking about-"
You hear the footsteps of him approaching.
You want off this wild ride. You really do.
"C'mon... we have one more hotel to discuss. Then, it will be all over."
You look up to him, while your hands and legs are on the ground.
"Just. One. More! You should know what hotel I will mention."
You think on the many hotels left.
Then, you know what's number 10.
"Oh yes... I'm talking about-"
Mortimer's 10 Hotels - Number 10 - The Hotel That Everyone Knows and Goes To
Mortimer stands in front of the black pyramid that is the Luxor hotel in the middle of the night. In the distance, the top of the pyramid shines a bright light into the sky.
"This is it. It all goes down to this. It would only be fitting that I placed this last, since this may very well be the most-reviewed and visited hotel in Las Vegas. Back then when it was made in the 90's, it was one of the most famous hotels ever in Vegas. Now? It has dirt cheap rooms and its reputation has some people just call it shitty. I mean... where the fuck do I even begin? On some months or years, Luxor has one side of the pyramid covered up in advertising. Your side of the pyramid might be covered up in a giant Doritos ad. What the fuck do Doritos have to do with Egypt? They are meant for Mountain Dew, damn it!"
Mortimer stands inside of the giant atrium of the Luxor, looking up to see how hollow it was inside.
"As the name and the sphinx outside of the pyramid suggests, it's meant to be Egyptian-themed, but I have an issue with it from the get-go." Mortimer points out the city model by the theater area. "So you see how there is an ancient desert city there, right? For some strange reason, there is a random Chrysler building that is meant to be for the New York-New York hotel in the mix! Why?! This isn't Planet Hollywood, where it can be allowed to be whatever theme it wants! It was even official that there is a Chrysler building when the hotel first opened. I don't know, the whole thing feels so out of place and cheap."
Mortimer stands in front of the black pyramid that is the Luxor hotel in the middle of the night. In the distance, the top of the pyramid shines a bright light into the sky.
"This is it. It all goes down to this. It would only be fitting that I placed this last, since this may very well be the most-reviewed and visited hotel in Las Vegas. Back then when it was made in the 90's, it was one of the most famous hotels ever in Vegas. Now? It has dirt cheap rooms and its reputation has some people just call it shitty. I mean... where the fuck do I even begin? On some months or years, Luxor has one side of the pyramid covered up in advertising. Your side of the pyramid might be covered up in a giant Doritos ad. What the fuck do Doritos have to do with Egypt? They are meant for Mountain Dew, damn it!"
Mortimer stands inside of the giant atrium of the Luxor, looking up to see how hollow it was inside.
"As the name and the sphinx outside of the pyramid suggests, it's meant to be Egyptian-themed, but I have an issue with it from the get-go." Mortimer points out the city model by the theater area. "So you see how there is an ancient desert city there, right? For some strange reason, there is a random Chrysler building that is meant to be for the New York-New York hotel in the mix! Why?! This isn't Planet Hollywood, where it can be allowed to be whatever theme it wants! It was even official that there is a Chrysler building when the hotel first opened. I don't know, the whole thing feels so out of place and cheap."
Mortimer goes inside, not an elevator, but an "inclinator".
"Now, this is only covering the rooms that you can be in at the actual pyramid. There are two other buildings nearby for rooms, but to get the immersive experience. You need to stay in the pyramid." Mortimer says, while the inclinator he is in is rattling, making him dizzy.
"Something to mention. This place doesn't have elevators to get to your room. They are called inclinators. So you are actually going sideways at an angle. 39 degrees as a little sign says!" Mortimer points to the small sign that also mentioned the phrase:
"Who knew going to your room could be so thrilling?"
"Yeah, right!"
Mortimer manages to get to the hotel room to show the reader around. "In terms of theming for the hotel room... it's alright. A bit on the generic side, but nothing that screams very flashy. There is some problems though, besides the wear and tear in this room." Mortimer tries to turn on an AC, but it only emits hot air. He also tries to head to the window, but it's at an angle, meaning he nearly bumps his head.
"There is no room in the pyramid that doesn't have an angled window like this! You are bound to hit your head by accident. Low angled ceilings are the fucking worst! The other issue is that you can barely get any sunlight from this window, because of the mesh they used to cover the pyramid. So you're pretty much in a tomb!"
Mortimer appears at a vertigo-inducing railing that peers down into the atrium below. "Yeah, this isn't a safety hazard at all..."
Mortimer sits on the railing and glances at you.
"I'll meet you downstairs."
Mortimer lets himself fall backwards.
"Now, this is only covering the rooms that you can be in at the actual pyramid. There are two other buildings nearby for rooms, but to get the immersive experience. You need to stay in the pyramid." Mortimer says, while the inclinator he is in is rattling, making him dizzy.
"Something to mention. This place doesn't have elevators to get to your room. They are called inclinators. So you are actually going sideways at an angle. 39 degrees as a little sign says!" Mortimer points to the small sign that also mentioned the phrase:
"Who knew going to your room could be so thrilling?"
"Yeah, right!"
Mortimer manages to get to the hotel room to show the reader around. "In terms of theming for the hotel room... it's alright. A bit on the generic side, but nothing that screams very flashy. There is some problems though, besides the wear and tear in this room." Mortimer tries to turn on an AC, but it only emits hot air. He also tries to head to the window, but it's at an angle, meaning he nearly bumps his head.
"There is no room in the pyramid that doesn't have an angled window like this! You are bound to hit your head by accident. Low angled ceilings are the fucking worst! The other issue is that you can barely get any sunlight from this window, because of the mesh they used to cover the pyramid. So you're pretty much in a tomb!"
Mortimer appears at a vertigo-inducing railing that peers down into the atrium below. "Yeah, this isn't a safety hazard at all..."
Mortimer sits on the railing and glances at you.
"I'll meet you downstairs."
Mortimer lets himself fall backwards.
Mortimer appears back in the atrium, next to the theater where they show Carrot Top and the Blue Man Group.
"There is a lot of surprising options here in what to see in the Luxor. Some that are obvious tourist traps, but someone that are part of Las Vegas culture. You got Carrot Top, who is a hit or miss comedian depends on others' views. But I can still recommend the Blue Man Group. I saw it as a kid while I was here, but they can be fun to watch. In terms of other shows... not much to say. Fantasy is just your usual adult show with strippers, but then you got America's Got Talent with it's Superstars Live performance, which caters towards the fans of the show, which would unfortunately be a lot of normies who watched that show to get something interesting to watch."
Mortimer appears at the King Tut exhibit. He stands in the replica of King Tut's tomb.
"While there are shows to watch here, it's the exhibition that they have that can gain some interest. It's not an Egyptian-themed hotel without something related to Egypt. It's funny, because while they had some stuff originally from the Luxor donated to the nearby Las Vegas Natural History Museum, they still have their own museum here. Everyone should, at least, know the story of King Tut and how he was like a big deal when people started to dig around at his tomb back at the pyramids. Though, the ancient Egyptians lived some interesting lives. There is still the curse of the pharaohs, but all of that can be superstition."
Mortimer appears at the Bodies: The Exhibition, among the many plastered bodies that are on display. He stands next to a plastered body on a bike.
"There is also the Bodies: The Exhibition. Something else that allows is more suited for a museum, but mini-museums are a trend here at the Luxor. Morbidly, you got Bodies here as another one of those museum. You get the deal with places like these. They have bodies be put through a process called plastination, so that they fill your corpse and your organs with rubber and plastic. Then, they put all of that on display for the masses. People who have heard of body museum do tend to get the controversy at the ethical concerns, from how it violates religious beliefs and where the bodies are outsourced them. Most of the time, they get the bodies from people with no next to kin, usually from China. Some of these bodies are supposedly from prisoners. Bodies: The Exhibition had to do a disclaimer once. Even the fetuses that are on display all came from miscarriages, that's rather fucked up honestly."
Mortimer appears at the Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition.
"Then, you have this museum. Dedicated to the Titanic! Why?"
Mortimer pauses, knowing that he doesn't have a clear answer.
"I don't know why. You can have this be in the Natural History Museum I mentioned earlier, but putting it here was allowed on Luxor's behalf. Because whenever I think of the Titanic, I think of the pharaohs. There is a lot to talk about here, since this is a legit museum with one important artifact that they have here."
Mortimer appears inside of the exhibition to show off "The Big Piece".
"I'm not going to talk about OceanGate. Perhaps at another time. I just want to focus on the Titanic exhibition here. They discovered this piece of the ship's hull and brought it to the desert. This damn thing is the main reason why people still visit the Luxor, though I have some gripes since while this place is meant to serve as a reminder of one of the most famous sinking ships to have happened, this place tries to cash in on the movie by James Cameron. I'm not joking..."
Mortimer appears at a recreation of the ship's bow, where he's recreating the "I'm the king of the world" scene with his severed chocolate head of the Statue of Liberty. Behind him in greenscreen, so they can CGI the movie scene's background.
"There is even a recreation of the Grand Staircase to also do photographs. I admire that this place has parts of the ship recreated, but you get these cheesy videos that talk about the ship with smiles." Mortimer shows off a Titanic-themed snowglobe that he got from the gift shop. "They even sell snow globes! Like merchandise and keychains and knick-knacks! The only reason that no one else is complaining is because everyone who was on the Titanic and escaped are all now dead!"
"There is a lot of surprising options here in what to see in the Luxor. Some that are obvious tourist traps, but someone that are part of Las Vegas culture. You got Carrot Top, who is a hit or miss comedian depends on others' views. But I can still recommend the Blue Man Group. I saw it as a kid while I was here, but they can be fun to watch. In terms of other shows... not much to say. Fantasy is just your usual adult show with strippers, but then you got America's Got Talent with it's Superstars Live performance, which caters towards the fans of the show, which would unfortunately be a lot of normies who watched that show to get something interesting to watch."
Mortimer appears at the King Tut exhibit. He stands in the replica of King Tut's tomb.
"While there are shows to watch here, it's the exhibition that they have that can gain some interest. It's not an Egyptian-themed hotel without something related to Egypt. It's funny, because while they had some stuff originally from the Luxor donated to the nearby Las Vegas Natural History Museum, they still have their own museum here. Everyone should, at least, know the story of King Tut and how he was like a big deal when people started to dig around at his tomb back at the pyramids. Though, the ancient Egyptians lived some interesting lives. There is still the curse of the pharaohs, but all of that can be superstition."
Mortimer appears at the Bodies: The Exhibition, among the many plastered bodies that are on display. He stands next to a plastered body on a bike.
"There is also the Bodies: The Exhibition. Something else that allows is more suited for a museum, but mini-museums are a trend here at the Luxor. Morbidly, you got Bodies here as another one of those museum. You get the deal with places like these. They have bodies be put through a process called plastination, so that they fill your corpse and your organs with rubber and plastic. Then, they put all of that on display for the masses. People who have heard of body museum do tend to get the controversy at the ethical concerns, from how it violates religious beliefs and where the bodies are outsourced them. Most of the time, they get the bodies from people with no next to kin, usually from China. Some of these bodies are supposedly from prisoners. Bodies: The Exhibition had to do a disclaimer once. Even the fetuses that are on display all came from miscarriages, that's rather fucked up honestly."
Mortimer appears at the Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition.
"Then, you have this museum. Dedicated to the Titanic! Why?"
Mortimer pauses, knowing that he doesn't have a clear answer.
"I don't know why. You can have this be in the Natural History Museum I mentioned earlier, but putting it here was allowed on Luxor's behalf. Because whenever I think of the Titanic, I think of the pharaohs. There is a lot to talk about here, since this is a legit museum with one important artifact that they have here."
Mortimer appears inside of the exhibition to show off "The Big Piece".
"I'm not going to talk about OceanGate. Perhaps at another time. I just want to focus on the Titanic exhibition here. They discovered this piece of the ship's hull and brought it to the desert. This damn thing is the main reason why people still visit the Luxor, though I have some gripes since while this place is meant to serve as a reminder of one of the most famous sinking ships to have happened, this place tries to cash in on the movie by James Cameron. I'm not joking..."
Mortimer appears at a recreation of the ship's bow, where he's recreating the "I'm the king of the world" scene with his severed chocolate head of the Statue of Liberty. Behind him in greenscreen, so they can CGI the movie scene's background.
"There is even a recreation of the Grand Staircase to also do photographs. I admire that this place has parts of the ship recreated, but you get these cheesy videos that talk about the ship with smiles." Mortimer shows off a Titanic-themed snowglobe that he got from the gift shop. "They even sell snow globes! Like merchandise and keychains and knick-knacks! The only reason that no one else is complaining is because everyone who was on the Titanic and escaped are all now dead!"
Mortimer appears at the Luxor's food court.
"Now, besides them having two Starbucks in here, stay the hell away from the food court! Do not eat here! Let me explain. You have a lot of famous brands that you can eat. Like Bonanno's Pizzeria, Johnny Rockets, and Nathan's Famous Hotdogs. Yeah, those aren't fast food, but food courts usually are meant to include fast food in the first place. But what they do is actually bullshit. You can get 3 chicken sandwiches from Johnny Rockets and it will cost you about 70 dollars! A single slice from the pizzeria will also net you 10 bucks! 10 BUCKS! FOR A SINGLE SLICE OF FUCKING PIZZA!"
Mortimer leaves the food court.
"Just go eat at McDonalds or something. Whatever..."
"Now, besides them having two Starbucks in here, stay the hell away from the food court! Do not eat here! Let me explain. You have a lot of famous brands that you can eat. Like Bonanno's Pizzeria, Johnny Rockets, and Nathan's Famous Hotdogs. Yeah, those aren't fast food, but food courts usually are meant to include fast food in the first place. But what they do is actually bullshit. You can get 3 chicken sandwiches from Johnny Rockets and it will cost you about 70 dollars! A single slice from the pizzeria will also net you 10 bucks! 10 BUCKS! FOR A SINGLE SLICE OF FUCKING PIZZA!"
Mortimer leaves the food court.
"Just go eat at McDonalds or something. Whatever..."
Mortimer heads out of the front doors of the Luxor and only ends up-
-back at the stage. The same stage that he was at originally. The desk was still the same and the phone was still ringing.
Mortimer picked up the phone to see if the same person was calling.
"Come on. It's almost 6 in the morning soon. It's time to wake up from your sweet dreams..."
It was a familiar voice, but not one that he would automatically know.
"I'm not done, yet." Mortimer said to the caller.
"You did your adventure. Now, come back."
"I said I'm not done."
"What else do you have to say?"
Mortimer slammed the receiver down back and started to walk over on the stage.
"There is still a lot! I have to deal with-"
-back at the stage. The same stage that he was at originally. The desk was still the same and the phone was still ringing.
Mortimer picked up the phone to see if the same person was calling.
"Come on. It's almost 6 in the morning soon. It's time to wake up from your sweet dreams..."
It was a familiar voice, but not one that he would automatically know.
"I'm not done, yet." Mortimer said to the caller.
"You did your adventure. Now, come back."
"I said I'm not done."
"What else do you have to say?"
Mortimer slammed the receiver down back and started to walk over on the stage.
"There is still a lot! I have to deal with-"
Mortimer appears in the middle of a graveyard where his name is visible on a tombstone.
"-this fucking city and its dead end life! Filled with nothing but gilded sleazebags and disposable kids! Nothing but abstractions of lives that serve an eventual purpose which is the same! They will tell you that there is shit that will kill you-"
"-this fucking city and its dead end life! Filled with nothing but gilded sleazebags and disposable kids! Nothing but abstractions of lives that serve an eventual purpose which is the same! They will tell you that there is shit that will kill you-"