Lilliana Monroe

[EarthBound]

Name: Lilliana Monroe (also known as Pamahas)
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade: Senior
School: Southwest Red Rock High School
Hobbies and Interests: Sewing, gardening, singing

Appearance: Lilliana stands at five foot seven, and weighs exactly 140 pounds. She is skinny in stature, with her shoulders being around the same width as her hip-line. Her cool-golden skin is rough and dry as a result of her xeroderma. Her dark brown eyes are close set with thin, tapered eyebrows. Her nose has a short bridge, a round tip, and a slight upward curve. She has narrow lips, straight teeth, and her jaw sits between round and oval-shaped. Her deep black hair is long, straight, and has never been cut from the day she was born. She has a reservation accent which has more of a musical and tonal feel.

Lilliana usually finds herself wearing dresses and flowy skirts in order to best suit her body type. She usually gets clothing by either making it herself or getting it from her mother, as they are both proficient in sewing. She also wears mostly pastel colors as her eyes and hair tend to stand out.

On the day of her kidnapping, Lilliana wore a long, pastel-blue silk dress down to her ankles. Along with that, she wore a pair of matching-color platform sneakers.

Biography: Benjamin and Lilette Monroe gave birth to Lilliana Monroe on May 3rd as the only child of the pair. She was born in the Las Vegas Indian Colony, a reservation for the Nuvagantucimi. With around sixty people living on the reservation, and around eighty tribe members, the scope of people within her childhood town was small.

Lilliana grew up knowing everyone around her. She became gregarious, mingling with the other children in the community and trying to mingle and assist the population whenever necessary. Her parents knew, however, that Lilliana needed to expand her horizons and start adjusting to a new environment. The education program within the community only held nine members and was volunteer-oriented, so they wanted something more than that for their daughter.

Elementary school ended up being a combination of endless schools in Lilliana’s eyes. Benjamin and Lilette, as a police officer and tribal administrator respectively, had a clear picture for their daughter. They wanted the absolute best for her education-wise. They had the money to go along with it, therefore they decided to take the risk. The main issue was that Lilliana was never able to keep friendships, social groups, or clubs. Even entering middle school, now somewhere her parents were happy with, she felt like she had almost no identity.

The only hobby that Lilliana managed to keep throughout her youngest years was sewing. Even with her strong expectations, Lilette always wanted to teach her daughter how to be resourceful. Sewing her own clothes meant that she was able to be both that and skilled with her hands. Not to mention, it got her closer to her mother than she thought possible. If she wasn’t able to keep her friends closeby, she was happy to at least have her mother.

Middle school was when Lilliana finally managed to settle herself down. The best schools in the county were the private schools, and that was never going to work for the Monroes’ budget, so they just selected one of the public schools that was closest to home. Lilliana used to be one of the top students of the class in middle school, but that was only because she had failed to start thinking out what lay ahead. Everything that she did was supposed to be for her parents. With her two parental figures pushing her to be the best she soon found herself encountering burnout. This did not help in later years where the future conversation began. The realization set in that Lilliana’s interests and personality outside of school was attributed to two hobbies.

The first hobby that Lilliana managed to pick up was gardening. There wasn’t an official club throughout her middle school, but there were a few community-service activities needed in order to progress to high school. Lilliana found herself enjoying planting, even if she was just beginning. She had always held a stigma toward it due to the Tribe’s large cannabis production, but planting small crops and vegetables was something she found fun. She had been told by her parents that she could not pursue a career in that path, and failed to think of one as well. As such, this hobby has been set to a small corner of her backyard with a small number of crops.

The second was singing. Lilliana had been told that the singing career ends up being one that gets a person onto the street, so she did not go through with it. After a successful play as an ensemble member, however, she found herself craving more. She sings at community gatherings back at the reservation, wanting to at least be a source of entertainment. That ended up being the extent of that career, but it has left a hole inside her. What she cherishes most in the world doesn’t seem to be holding a stable future for her.

High school was soon approaching, and Lilliana continued to hold high A’s and B’s. The major problem has been finding a place to fit in. Her gregarious nature has helped her with communicating with all types of groups around the school, but the issue ends up being that it is difficult to find a group she fits in with. No matter what she has tried, the groups she encounters fit in one of three categories. They either had a group of people that did not sit in line with her beliefs, was something she could not see a career with, or just did not work out.

Lilliana now finds herself stuck in a dilemma. Going into the new semester, she is trying out the Outdoor Rattlers. Through her likes of gardening, her connections with her Native culture, and the outdoor activities that she found herself enjoying: she wanted to narrow it down to this. She finds it to be her last possible outcome, as she has tried everything possible. If she can’t find a career that associates with the outdoors, or if she doesn’t click with this group, she has no idea what she is going to do. The future is hazy for her. She feels overwhelmed by the amount of thoughts going through her head, and that nothing seems to be taking a stance. She’s applied to most colleges “undecided” and finds herself uninterested in any of the highest paying jobs. She finds herself starting to fall into a depression, as she sees all of her peers with valuable futures. All that she wants to do is find the proper way forward. She wants someone to tell her what to do. Going into her last semester of high school, she has one last chance to get her future together.

Advantages: Lilliana easily communicates with other people, and can adapt depending on who is talking to. She is quite good with using her hands, attributed to her skills in sewing and gardening.
Disadvantages: Adapting to conversation has left her without a proper identity. She is also quite skinny, and does not have any muscles. Fighting may be a death sentence.

[Deamon]

Hi EarthBound! I'm Deamon and I'll be your staffer today. Lilliana is off to a good start but we need to add more detail in a few different places before she'll be ready for pregame. So with that let's get to it.

She is skinny in stature,

Just some weird phrasing here as stature refers to height so saying skinny in stature doesn't read right.

They had the money to go along with it, therefore they decided to take the risk

What risk?

This paragraph about his jumping around elementary schools and middle schools is too slight at present and needs to be expanded. We don't need details on every school she ever went to, but we do need to know why her parents were shuffling her around so consistently and a deeper look at how Lilliana felt about all this if she even understood at first.

What does Lilliana enjoy about sewing?

Lilliana used to be one of the top students of the class in middle school, but that was only because she had failed to start thinking out what lay ahead.

This combination of sentences doesn't make sense. I'm not sure how thinking about her future made her grades collapse in on themselves. I'm aware it does say after this that her parents were pushing her to be the best but this is the first time this is brought up. If they've been pushing her to be the best it should be brought up prior to now. Again I think this links back to the previous education paragraph and how glossed over it is. It leads to this situation where we are being provided details but we're missing context so the details don't make sense.

The realization set in that Lilliana’s interests and personality outside of school was attributed to two hobbies.

I feel like it would be three hobbies as she also has sewing which was discussed earlier.

As for the other two hobbies and interests, the gardening hobby isn't really enough of a thing to qualify as a hobby. But both of these hobbies need expanding and further details.

Additionally, based off the profile she doesn't actually have hobbies or interests she actively does routinely. So, this will need to be changed or additional hobbies added, because people don't just do nothing and everyone has things they do regularly that they enjoy.

You also switch to present tense around this point, and the biography should be in past tense so this will need to be amended so that everything is in past tense.

High school was soon approaching, and Lilliana continued to hold high A’s and B’s.

So did Lilliana stop being one of the kids in class and then regain her grades or did she never drop her grades? It's confusing that we have a note that she started to suffer from burnout and had good grades until she didn't but now she still has good grades.

They either had a group of people that did not sit in line with her beliefs, was something she could not see a career with

What beliefs and what career aspirations? We have a lot of details like this in the profile, where something is mentioned with no explanation or context so it just comes off as weird.

Basically, what I'm saying is that we need more expansion on everything. The profile leaves too many details out that are referred to as if they are present. I am sure you know what beliefs Lilliana holds and what career she wants, but at present none of that is on the page. As such I'd like you to go back through and add more detail to every part of the profile to give the grounding for her decision-making and thought processes.

Lilliana now finds herself stuck in a dilemma. Going into the new semester, she is trying out the Outdoor Rattlers.

There's a bit of a timeline issue created here, in that the previous paragraph was talking about going into high school, but now we're entering a new semester of her senior year. Again we've just jumped through a large batch of time without commentating upon it and it means contextual details are missing.

She feels overwhelmed by the amount of thoughts going through her head, and that nothing seems to be taking a stance

What thoughts? What stance would she want to be taking?

She’s applied to most colleges “undecided” and finds herself uninterested in any of the highest paying jobs.

What colleges? Which jobs? Highest-paying should have a hyphen also.

For Lilliana's advantages and disadvantages, the first one about being able to communicate with people doesn't come up in the profile at all, so will need to be added or removed as an advantage. This is the same for the first disadvantage.

And that is everything I caught on this pass. So once you make the edits post back here and I'll give Lilliana another look!