Name: Joanne Martinez
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Southwest Red Rock High School
Hobbies and Interests: Fashion and makeup, cheerleading, debate, student council, yoga, social media, partying
Appearance: Joanne stands at 5'4'' and weighs 120 lbs. She has tan skin that relates to her Hispanic heritage. She is top-heavy in terms for her body shape. She has a round face with sharp brown eyes, an upturned nose, and full lips. Her hair is naturally brown, but she dyes it to a sandy blonde with pink frontal streaks. Joanne allows her hair to be shoulder-length with her pink frontal streaks in front of her shoulders, two small frontal curls can also be seen around her forehead. Due to the nature of her hobbies, she ensures that she has a strict beauty regimen to appear presentable. Her use of makeup also removes and conceals any blemishes with natural coloring, including lip gloss to have her lips be fresh.
Joanne favors dressing in sleek and expensive clothing. This includes tops, skirts, sweaters, dresses, and even shorts. She wears expensive jewelry regularly, usually ones that are made to look presentable and comfortable to wear. On the day of the abduction, she wore a pink tank top, red hollow heart earrings, a necklace with a golden chain and a pearl heart, a golden star-pattern bracelet, a white skirt with a pink belt with a golden buckle, and white tennis shoes.
Biography: Joanne Martinez was born in Las Vegas to both Ricardo and Adriana Martinez. Ricardo is a Cuban-American who worked as a casino floor manager for the Luxor Resort and Casino, while Adriana is part of an architectural firm. The two met during a company party at the Luxor, albeit carelessly falling in love. Adriana's pregnancy wasn't planned, but she was willing to have a child with Ricardo's support. Ricardo's family didn't take kindly that the two were expecting a child before they were married, and Ricardo had to marry Adriana before his family would accept them.
Joanne was raised in Silver Springs, where her parents resided, living in a spacious modern mansion. Joanne was treated to the spoils of wealth, being pampered throughout her early years. She gained her first hobbies from coming across some fashion magazines that her mother read at home, being entranced by the models and the clothing they wore. Joanne didn't have any options for looking presentable when she was only young during elementary school, but she had her mother make her wear dresses and other stylish clothing whenever she was out in public. She also knew to appear more fancy by applying makeup on herself, which she got help from her mother in doing so, the latter giving her tips. Her mother also gave Joanne a yoga mat as a gift. Adriana explained that yoga can be beneficial towards Joanne's wellbeing, which her daughter took her mother's advice, practicing yoga everyday to help and enhance with her health.
Joanne considered her early years to be uneventful and meaningless. The reason stems from her previous friendship with another upper-class girl named Bethany Winters, who met Joanne in kindergarten. The two bonded over their parents' wealth and the lavish lifestyles within Las Vegas. The two were fairly optimistic about their futures, developing a close connection with one another.
However, everything seemed to break apart from Joanne's perspective when Bethany was assigned to attend an exclusive private middle school. Upon realizing that Joanne was going to end up at another private school that her parents personally researched, she convinced her parents that she wanted to attend the same private school that her best friend Bethany was going to attend. Even though there were some concerns from her parents, they decided to allow her to attend the school Bethany was planning to attend. What Joanne didn't know was that the private school was lax on authority, leading to a student body that was prone to bullying others without little to no repercussions.
Around that time, Joanne and Bethany become more used to social media, having Instagram and TikTok accounts to view and share content. Joanne used her social media to see the latest trends done by influencers to appear more in line with some of the other popular kids at school. However, while Joanne and Bethany attended the private middle school, Bethany ended up being a part of the popular clique of girls who were seen as de facto leaders of the school. Joanne attempted to enter the clique but was constantly rejected and belittled by those in charge. Her efforts to improve her relations to her peers began to fail, and others were finding ways to harass and emotionally bully her. Her bullies tend to mock her clothing choices, her supposed lack of social media knowledge, and for following trends to stay relevant. Joanne in her later years believed that the reason for her bullying for due to her ethnicity as Hispanic, since most of the students at the private school were Caucasian. She also believed that it stemmed from her revealing public knowledge that her father worked at the Luxor. Her other peers at the private school who were locals in Las Vegas viewed the hotel negatively and derogatory and used the term "new-rich" to describe Joanne to rationalize her exclusion from them. This was ironic since many of her bullies were also considered new-rich.
Joanne attempted to keep her friendship with Bethany strong, but the latter was becoming obsessed with maintaining her popularity with her new range of friends. It was during one day during Joanne's tenure in the 7th grade at her private school that her friendship completely shattered. Bethany, appearing like she wanted to make amends, invited Joanne over to a house party. However, when she got there, she was the victim of a cruel prank of having tomato sauce, flour, and tampons dumped onto her while she was wearing her favorite dress which was also her mother's. Distraught, Joanne learned that Bethany came up with the idea to prank Joanne as a means to get clout from her friends, completely shunning out from her life. Completely betrayed, Joanne decided to enact her revenge by ratting out some kids from the popular girl clique to the school principal, however the incident was swept under the rug by the parents of the kids involved with the prank.
Growing a hatred for people that she now considers "rivals", Joanne faded to the sidelines when the COVID epidemic occurred, forcing students to attend school online. Around the same time, following major criticism from her parents to the school over the prank that occurred to Joanne, she was withdrawn from the private school and ended up taking online classes at a public school during her 8th-grade semester. Being away from the public, Joanne decided that to be taken seriously by others, she needed to reinvent herself to be more dominant and be favored by all of her peers. After the prank incident with Bethany, Joanne was usually reluctant to delve into her childhood during her private elementary and middle school years. Some students may be able to know of their involvement with her during their childhoods, however Joanne refuses to talk about her past.
Opening up a fresh set of social media accounts for both Instagram and TikTok, along with later a Twitter and Bluesky account, Joanne started her social media presence as an influencer. Most of the content that she posted was usually make-up tutorials, beauty tips, trying perfumes and other luxury goods, and even food pictures. Despite not being a vegetarian or a vegan, Joanne includes promoting the usage of fruits and vegetables with some of the content she produces, opting to promote healthy living that helps with one's beauty. Overall, her normal contact that she produces is focused on beauty and pristine living. As of now, she has around fifteen thousand followers on her combined social media accounts, however she intends to top off up her follower count to about twenty-five thousand followers.
When she was eligible to apply for a school, Joanne had her parents avoid putting her in another private school, which led to them having her attend Red Rock instead. Putting herself with a different persona, Joanne Martinez began her new lifestyle as a wannabe influencer and queen bee. Using her new confidence and ability to know the interests of others, she managed to get elected to be a part of the student council. She also applied to being a part of the school cheerleading team. Wanting to be intellectual and a leader-type, she applied for the debate club. Joanne socialized with the other girls within her cheerleading team, to which she later befriended other cheerleaders named Sylvie Rattray-Aubert and Clarissa Shoemaker. While her friendships with them were close, Joanne put herself as a "big sister" type to them and had them follow some of her practices to keep themselves relevant with other popular girls.
Wanting to take risks, Joanne presented herself to the party crowd as a party organizer and partygoer in general. Joanne, with the help of some former Red Rock students, managed to get herself a fake ID to buy herself and others alcohol and other party favors needed. Wanting to contribute to parties being thrown, Joanne used her father's job at the Luxor to plan events and used the help of a former Red Rock student and Luxor worker Gabriel Paz to supply her with liquor that seemed to be high-end, but was available for a moderate price than it seemed.
As her years in high school progressed, many of her peers began to be turned off from her superficial ways, except for her close friends. The delinquent and rebellious side of Red Rock ignored and belittled her, knowing of her attempts to rise above them. Joanne herself grew to have disdain for other women in her school who she perceived as trying to hog her popularity via in-school or online on social media. While she does have a significant role in the student council, her public persona within doesn't relate to her grades. Despite being successful in both cheerleading and in debate, Joanne's overall grades are seen as poor by her teachers. Joanne ignores these concerns, since she assumes that she is able to still pass her senior year without any issue. Even though she sees herself as intelligent, she preferred to keeping her social status high rather than her academic status. However, her school counselor mentioned to her parents during a meeting that Joanne could be forced to retake her senior year, if her GPA falls dramatically.
Joanne considers herself to be heterosexual, since she has a fondness for men, though she is on and off in terms of romantic relationships despite wanting to be close to others. She feels that opening herself up to others can only make herself vulnerable, but she does want someone who loves her to connect with. She is well aware that some female students do have an interest in her, but she generally brushes them off or in rare cases takes advantage of them. Nevertheless, she still dated men, notably jocks within Red Rock.
While Joanne was busy focused with high school, her parent's relationship was beginning to sour to which her mother Adriana began to be acquainted with a fellow co-worker named Cesar Stankowski at her architectural firm. While already seen as a family friend, along with being involved with Ricardo in business matters, Cesar started an affair with Joanne's mother. While Ricardo doesn't seem to be aware of the affair, Joanne herself began to take note of her mother's lingering presence with Cesar. She noticed signs from the two of them to make her realize that her mother was indeed having an affair, but she didn't reveal this information to her father, fearing what could happen.
Joanne never knew what happened with her former friend Bethany Winters after middle school. Bethany was never enrolled in the same school as Joanne's, so this led to the latter to brush her out of her mind. That was until during her senior winter break was when she heard that Bethany was supposedly missing. Joanne didn't invest further into this topic, since she was still betrayed on what Bethany had done to her. However, Bethany's parents think that something bad happened to Bethany, despite Joanne believing that Bethany ran away from Las Vegas.
In terms of her college plans, Joanne ultimately does not have any idea on what her actual college plans would be. Assuming that her parents are able to simply pay their way into getting her a spot into an university, Joanne has not focused on her low grades, instead relying on her social media status and nightlife scene. Due to the stress from maintaining a perfect image, Joanne's drinking habits continued whenever she is away from her parents, though she is unsure on how her future plans would officially go.
Advantages: Joanne is physically agile and possesses dexterity from her experiences in cheerleading. Her experience in both the debate club and the student council also gives her skill in authority and charisma in trying to rally or outsmart others.
Disadvantages: While she is popular in school, it doesn't translate towards overall likability towards the student body. Joanne is known for developing enemies and holding grudges towards those who she views as trying to be dominant over her, along with looking down on delinquents and anyone who doesn't treat her as royalty.
Joanne Martinez
The Queen That Was Sealed In Her Own Tomb (Possible CWs)
Hey there DeBlod! I'll be critiquing Joanne for you! Presently she's a decent start but we need to tighten and tidy things up and sort out some details within the profile itself before we'll be good to go. I go into it during the critique but you have a bad habit of using extraneous words, so I want you to make sure that you focus on the conciseness and clarity of information when making these edits. With that said, let's get into it.
As a heads up you've accidentally put a double-space after all your section headings. So take one of those spaces out.
This whole paragraph about her bullying is overblown and weird. There's no problem with Joanne being bullied but the way this is explained is strange and it's like four different things. I don't think her dad being a manager at the Luxor is going to be a reason she gets bullied and I don't think teenage girls are going to be bullying people based on being new rich. It is much more likely to be for things they perceive as important like social media, style etc. So trim this down to things like taht and remove the rest.
"However, Bethany ended up being a part of the popular clique who were seen as the de facto leaders of the school, while Joanne attempted to join them but was consistently rejected."
Have the concerns regarding Joanne's poor grades been brought up with her parents. I know you say the counselor has told her parents that she may need to retake the year, if her grades fall, but her grades are already poor so is something being done about this with the parents? Since it sounds like Joanne isn't doing well at school.
And that is everything! Post back here once you've made the edits and I'll take another look at Joanne for you.
As a heads up you've accidentally put a double-space after all your section headings. So take one of those spaces out.
Of these hobbies, only social media and partying are fully explained within the profile like they should be. Remember that you need to have at least a full paragraph for each item on this list. Remove drinking as well, this can come under partying.Hobbies and Interests: Fashion and makeup, cheerleading, debate, student council, yoga, social media, partying, drinking
Would be best to put one or the other here with bronze and tan. Relates also isn't the right word, you want to put 'due to her' or 'as a result of her'.She has bronze tan skin that relates to her Hispanic heritage.
This doesn't really make sense as being top-heavy is her body shape, do you mean for her height?She is top-heavy and busty for her body shape.
Sharp brown not brown sharp.She has a round face with brown sharp eyes,
You don't need to say originally, just saying it's naturally brown but she dyes it is fine.Her hair is originally a natural brown, but she dyes it to a sandy blonde with pink frontal streaks.
Are they pink locks or pink streaks? To which is also clunky, it's better to say 'two frontal curls can also be seen around her forehead'.Joanne allows her hair to be shoulder-length with her pink frontal locks in front of her shoulders, to which two small frontal curls can be seen around her forehead.
This is a minor nitpick, but sweaters are typically considered to be sleek items of clothing.Joanne favors dressing in sleek and expensive clothing. This includes tops, skirts, sweaters, dresses, and even shorts.
Why type and design of jewerly and earrings? You can also remove know to wear and both in and out of school as these are redundant statements within this sentence since she just wears jewelry regularly.She is also known to wear jewelry and earrings, both in and out of school.
Don't need shirt after tank top.she wore a pink tank top shirt,
I am unsure what this is as I'm not sure you can encrust a pearl like this. So you'll need to explain this one.a gold-encrusted pearl heart,
Don't need Martinez here, it's taken as a given that this is Adriana Martinez as the sentence right before this referred to her. Additionally, this extra segment on the end is clunky and unnecessary, just stick with saying she's part of an architectural firm.while Adriana Martinez is part of an architectural firm that helped assist in the making of several buildings elsewhere in Nevada.
Awkward phrasing here, you don't need to say the two ended up meeting each other, that is a given as the sentence opens saying the two. "To which they fell in love," is weird phrasing and will need to be amended to be cleaner and albeit carelessly is hanging at the end of this sentence without any expansion which you will need to add to actually have this fit.The two ended up meeting each other during a company party at the Luxor, to which they fell in love, albeit carelessly.
This is all quite messy and can be phrased better. The second half especially doesn't make sense as a clause and I don't know what you mean. Is it that Ricardo had to marry Adriana before his family would accept them?Ricardo's family didn't take kindly that the two were already expecting a child before they were married, and Ricardo had to ensure that he was married to Adriana since they could officially be a family.
This sentence is a good example of an issue I've noticed throughout this profile. You add in unnecessary words and it messes with the readability of your sentences and confuses your meaning. I understand that what you're trying to say is that 'Joanne didn't have a choice with what she wore when she was young, as her mother made her wear dresses and other stylish clothing whenever she went out.' As you can see in that example, I've got the same meaning and it's much cleaner and easy to read because all the fat has been trimmed.Joanne didn't have any options for looking presentable when she was only young during elementary school, but she had her mother make her wear dresses and other stylish clothing whenever she was out in public.
Sorry, how old is Joanne here? Because based on the timeline she's like four, which I don't think is a suitable age for a child to be dressed up in makeup to go out. People would think her mum is weird.She also knew to appear more fancy by applying makeup on herself, which she got help from her mother in doing so
You drop into present tense here when you should be using past tense. "which her daugher took her mother's advice" is grammatically messy and will need fixing. "and enhance with her health" is incorrect phrasing, it should be 'to help enhance her health.'Adriana explained that yoga can be beneficial towards Joanne's wellbeing, which her daughter took her mother's advice, practicing yoga everyday to help and enhance with her health.
This parapgrah can be merged with the one below as there is no reason for it to be seperated. I also don't think girls in kindergarten would would bond over this.Joanne considered her early years to be uneventful and meaningless. The reason stems from her previous friendship with another upper-class girl named Bethany Winters, who met Joanne in kindergarten. The two bonded over their parents' wealth and the lavish lifestyles within Las Vegas. The two were fairly optimistic about their futures, developing a close connection with one another.
Bethany wouldn't be assigned to a private school. Her parents would simply pay for her to go. You also don't need to put exclusive before private middle school. The private middle school part tells us it is exclusive as by definition they are.However, everything seemed to break apart from Joanne's perspective when Bethany was assigned to attend an exclusive private middle school.
The Joanne at the start here should be She, as it is Joanne realising something with herself as the subject. Then where you have she after researched it should be Joanne.Upon realizing that Joanne was going to end up at another private school that her parents personally researched, she convinced her parents that she wanted to attend the same private school that her best friend Bethany was going to attend.
At a private school? No, there would be some sort of reprcussions. It's not just going to to be a free-for-all in there. Parents that are paying money are involved, so there is going to be pressure on the faculty to keep things under control.What Joanne didn't know was that the private school was lax on authority, leading to a student body that was prone to bullying others without little to no repercussions.
This whole paragraph about her bullying is overblown and weird. There's no problem with Joanne being bullied but the way this is explained is strange and it's like four different things. I don't think her dad being a manager at the Luxor is going to be a reason she gets bullied and I don't think teenage girls are going to be bullying people based on being new rich. It is much more likely to be for things they perceive as important like social media, style etc. So trim this down to things like taht and remove the rest.
Became not become.Around that time, Joanne and Bethany become more used to social media,
We don't need this whole section after however and before Bethany so cut it as we're again adding too many words. You want something more like this:However, while Joanne and Bethany attended the private middle school, Bethany ended up being a part of the popular clique of girls who were seen as de facto leaders of the school. Joanne attempted to enter the clique but was constantly rejected and belittled by those in charge.
"However, Bethany ended up being a part of the popular clique who were seen as the de facto leaders of the school, while Joanne attempted to join them but was consistently rejected."
Let's cut this and keep things focused on this one group of girls, we don't need to be getting the whole school involved.Her efforts to improve her relations to her peers began to fail, and others were finding ways to harass and emotionally bully her.
These are all excellent reasons that you can imagine teenagers bullying someone for, this is what you can stick with going forward for this section. But you want to put tended rather than tend. Remember we need to keep to the past tense.Her bullies tend to mock her clothing choices, her supposed lack of social media knowledge, and for following trends to stay relevant.
Let's edit this a bit. Say that as Joanne grew older she started to believe that the reason etc. and take out the for after bullying with was, and just put ethnicity.Joanne in her later years believed that the reason for her bullying for due to her ethnicity as Hispanic, since most of the students at the private school were Caucasian.
Change range for group. Saying range makes it sound like her new friends are products in a shop.Joanne attempted to keep her friendship with Bethany strong, but the latter was becoming obsessed with maintaining her popularity with her new range of friends.
Again, excess words ruining sentences. Cut this down. "It was one day during 7th grade that their friendship completely shattered." Same content and meaning, much cleaner and easier to read. Also, you don't need to tell us each time that this is happening at the private school, we know it is as there has been no mention of Joanne leaving yet.It was during one day during Joanne's tenure in the 7th grade at her private school that her friendship completely shattered.
This is basically just Carrie. Let's come up with something else a little less derivative.Bethany, appearing like she wanted to make amends, invited Joanne over to a house party. However, when she got there, she was the victim of a cruel prank of having tomato sauce, flour, and tampons dumped onto her while she was wearing her favorite dress which was also her mother's.
Second Joanne needs to be her. As a means to gain clout, remove the from her friends. Completely shunning out from her life doesn't make sense so can also be removed.Distraught, Joanne learned that Bethany came up with the idea to prank Joanne as a means to get clout from her friends, completely shunning out from her life.
Gonna need some more explanation on this one. It is likely going to be very hard to sweep under the rug given Joanne has the dress which is very obviously ruined. Given how things are nowadays with the ubiquity of phones I'd imagine someone also filmed the prank. So I'm not seeing how this could be swept under the rug, given it's preplanned and pretty insidious bullying and humiliation.Completely betrayed, Joanne decided to enact her revenge by ratting out some kids from the popular girl clique to the school principal, however the incident was swept under the rug by the parents of the kids involved with the prank.
You drop into present tense again. Also, lose the quotes on rivals and put 'that she began to consider rivals'.Growing a hatred for people that she now considers "rivals",
Structurally the first segment of this sentence doesn't fit with the other two in a way that makes sense. I'm also unsure how you can fade to the sidelines when everyone is having to study from home. Also, COVID was upgraded to a pandemic and so should be referred to as one.Growing a hatred for people that she now considers "rivals", Joanne faded to the sidelines when the COVID epidemic occurred, forcing students to attend school online.
This is again too many words. Shorten it and make it more concise. Use major complaints form her parents. A semester is only one part of an academic year. It would be the academic year. 8th grade doesn't have a hyphen.Around the same time, following major criticism from her parents to the school over the prank that occurred to Joanne, she was withdrawn from the private school and ended up taking online classes at a public school during her 8th-grade semester.
Weird phrasing to say away from the public, she's not a celebrity.Being away from the public, Joanne decided that to be taken seriously by others, she needed to reinvent herself to be more dominant and be favored by all of her peers.
This can be tidied up. Saying something about how after what happened Joanne doesn't like to talk about her elementary and middle school years will read much better.After the prank incident with Bethany, Joanne was usually reluctant to delve into her childhood during her private elementary and middle school years.
This is in present tense and doesn't actually make sense as a sentence. People may be able to know about their own involvement with Joanne? I'd assume so since they were there? Just say some people may know her from their childhood.Some students may be able to know of their involvement with her during their childhoods, however Joanne refuses to talk about her past.
Don't know what later is doing here, it isn't needed.Opening up a fresh set of social media accounts for both Instagram and TikTok, along with later a Twitter and Bluesky account,
Usually has snuck into this sentence uninvited, remove it.Most of the content that she posted was usually make-up tutorials, beauty tips, trying perfumes and other luxury goods, and even food pictures.
Remove includes, change promoting to promotes.Despite not being a vegetarian or a vegan, Joanne includes promoting the usage of fruits and vegetables with some of the content she produces,
I think you mean content here not contact.Overall, her normal contact that she produces is focused on beauty and pristine living.
Fifteen is a lot for someone who seems to be doing fairly generic beauty content in their free time. Bring this down to the single digits for me.As of now, she has around fifteen thousand followers on her combined social media accounts, however she intends to top off up her follower count to about twenty-five thousand followers.
As this is the first time Southwest Red Rock is being mentioned it should be referred to by its full name.When she was eligible to apply for a school, Joanne had her parents avoid putting her in another private school, which led to them having her attend Red Rock instead.
Putting herself with a different person doesn't make sense. I think saying she looked forward to beginning her new life as an influencer and queen bee would work better for the second part.Putting herself with a different persona, Joanne Martinez began her new lifestyle as a wannabe influencer and queen bee.
When did she pick up this skill?Using her new confidence and ability to know the interests of others
Too many words again, there's nothing wrong with saying she applied to the cheerleading team. We're not padding the word count on a report.She also applied to being a part of the school cheerleading team.
This is a weird fragment and is in the middle of descriptions about her time on the cheerleading team, move it elsewhere and flesh it out into a full sentence. Leader type is also not a thing, just say leader.Wanting to be intellectual and a leader-type, she applied for the debate club.
Put where she befriended. In the second sentence here it will need reworking as you can't say that your character makes other characters do something in this way.Joanne socialized with the other girls within her cheerleading team, to which she later befriended other cheerleaders named Sylvie Rattray-Aubert and Clarissa Shoemaker. While her friendships with them were close, Joanne put herself as a "big sister" type to them and had them follow some of her practices to keep themselves relevant with other popular girls.
Why?Wanting to take risks, Joanne presented herself to the party crowd as a party organizer and partygoer in general.
Any other party favors.managed to get herself a fake ID to buy herself and others alcohol and other party favors needed.
I don't know how she is using her fathers job since he doesn't seem to be involved. We don't need the name of Gabriel as he's not important. I also just don't see what part of this plan actually involves the Luxor? The implication would be that the alcohol is stolen, but then it says about the alcohol's availability at a price so they might be buying it? Just cut this whole thing as it creates too many complications to sort through, especially given she's already contributing by possessing a fake ID and buying alcohol to begin with.Wanting to contribute to parties being thrown, Joanne used her father's job at the Luxor to plan events and used the help of a former Red Rock student and Luxor worker Gabriel Paz to supply her with liquor that seemed to be high-end, but was available for a moderate price than it seemed.
What superficial ways?As her years in high school progressed, many of her peers began to be turned off from her superficial ways, except for her close friends.
This doesn't make sense and is the first time this group is mentioned.The delinquent and rebellious side of Red Rock ignored and belittled her, knowing of her attempts to rise above them.
hog her popularity via in-school? Reword that.Joanne herself grew to have disdain for other women in her school who she perceived as trying to hog her popularity via in-school or online on social media.
On the student council. I don't know what you mean when you say her public persona doesn't relate to her grades. I'm not sure how that's relevant to student council.While she does have a significant role in the student council, her public persona within doesn't relate to her grades.
Have the concerns regarding Joanne's poor grades been brought up with her parents. I know you say the counselor has told her parents that she may need to retake the year, if her grades fall, but her grades are already poor so is something being done about this with the parents? Since it sounds like Joanne isn't doing well at school.
That she will still be able to pass...since she assumes that she is able to still pass her senior year without any issue.
Preferred to keep.Even though she sees herself as intelligent, she preferred to keeping her social status high rather than her academic status.
Her instead of herself.She feels that opening herself up to others can only make herself vulnerable,
Takes advantage of them how exactly?She is well aware that some female students do have an interest in her, but she generally brushes them off or in rare cases takes advantage of them.
Remove busy. On not with.While Joanne was busy focused with high school,
This is a lot of words to get to this end result. You can simply say that while Joanne was focused on high school Adriana began an affair with a coworker from her firm.While Joanne was busy focused with high school, her parent's relationship was beginning to sour to which her mother Adriana began to be acquainted with a fellow co-worker named Cesar Stankowski at her architectural firm. While already seen as a family friend, along with being involved with Ricardo in business matters, Cesar started an affair with Joanne's mother.
Again too many words to get to the end result. Say that Ricardo has not noticed that, but Joanne has realised her mother is having an affair.While Ricardo doesn't seem to be aware of the affair, Joanne herself began to take note of her mother's lingering presence with Cesar. She noticed signs from the two of them to make her realize that her mother was indeed having an affair, but she didn't reveal this information to her father, fearing what could happen.
This can be removed as it is unnecessary.Joanne never knew what happened with her former friend Bethany Winters after middle school. Bethany was never enrolled in the same school as Joanne's, so this led to the latter to brush her out of her mind. That was until during her senior winter break was when she heard that Bethany was supposedly missing. Joanne didn't invest further into this topic, since she was still betrayed on what Bethany had done to her. However, Bethany's parents think that something bad happened to Bethany, despite Joanne believing that Bethany ran away from Las Vegas.
Take that on out.In terms of her college plans, Joanne ultimately does not have any idea on what her actual college plans would be
into a university. The application period for colleges is passed at the start of pregame so if she is going she would know by now. As the decision deadline is the start of January.Assuming that her parents are able to simply pay their way into getting her a spot into an university,
I don't think either of these things have any converted value when applying for colleges.Joanne has not focused on her low grades, instead relying on her social media status and nightlife scene.
This is the first time Joanne drinking due to stress has been mentioned. If this is a thing it will need to be brought up before now. I don't know why you've added the unrelated clasue about her future plans at the end of this sentence. You've already said that she doesn't know what her future plans are. So it doesn't need to be brought up here.Due to the stress from maintaining a perfect image, Joanne's drinking habits continued whenever she is away from her parents, though she is unsure on how her future plans would officially go.
Skill in authority isn't a thing. This advantage is phrased weirdly in general. You'd be best off saying that her experience gives her experience in trying to win people over to her way of thinking or trick them.Joanne is physically agile and possesses dexterity from her experiences in cheerleading. Her experience in both the debate club and the student council also gives her skill in authority and charisma in trying to rally or outsmart others.
I think in order to be popular you need to likeable, otherwise you cannot stay popular.While she is popular in school, it doesn't translate towards overall likability towards the student body.
What? This never came up in the profile at all. If this is a view she has it will need to be added and explained within the profile itself.Joanne is known for developing enemies and holding grudges towards those who she views as trying to be dominant over her, along with looking down on delinquents and anyone who doesn't treat her as royalty.
And that is everything! Post back here once you've made the edits and I'll take another look at Joanne for you.
This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested by the staff.