Evanescent

[Primrosette]

((Drew Woods continued from Evolving))

He realized with a start that his body was feeling worse and he was feeling more overwhelmed by how difficult it was for him to actually sit up. His wounded arm felt like it was completely gone but he could still see that it was still there by his side and he was actually scared of falling back to sleep. He couldn't handle it if he just drifted away in his sleep like that in front of the others and he didn't want to feel so guilty for it. He had always been a crybaby who was pretty naïve when it came to other people and he just wished that he could be stronger for Declyn, Theo, Camilla and Diego. But all those positive words were just so.... empty. Everyone was trying so hard for him and he did appreciate it. However.... He wanted to die on his own terms. He wasn't sure how, but he had to do it away from the group.

Drew was sweating a little and his head was feeling heavy with a headache, making him cough slightly. He glanced over at the other three and he was relieved that Theo and Declyn were asleep (Declyn was on his side beside Drew and facing away from him) and Camilla was guarding the area by facing away from the boys altogether. Drew felt his heart tightening with sadness at what he was about to do and he knew that there was no way that he could come back. He whispered a soft goodbye in Declyn's ear and he given him a hesitant kiss on his warm cheek. He then grabbed his bag that was beside his other side and he crawled away from the others to a good distance.

Drew then struggled up to his feet and he was walking alongside the lake, watching the lake shimmer in the present moonlight. He then felt his legs giving way after he had walked for a minute or so and his bag landed with a thud by his weakening body. His face was half-submerged in the water and he coughed and sputtered a little from the muddy water.

He then heard footsteps rushing towards him and he had been dreading this happening. He didn't want him to see him die.

[Kotorikun]

“Drew???”

[Declyn Grayson-Anthis continued from Evolving]

It was a harsh, concerned and yet quiet call of his name that left Declyn’s mouth as he rushed towards him. Once he had seen that Drew's bag was gone, that was it. The whisper had woken him up, leaving him with a few seconds to register the words, the situation.

He stood.

His feet were scuttling restlessly while he scanned his back. Once he saw movement, Declyn fell to his knees, grabbing Drew’s shoulders in an instant. Mouth hanging open, panting softly, he turned him around and brushed his face with his flat hand to get rid of the mud.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please—

“What are you doing?!”

[Primrosette]

Drew blinked a few times and he was now staring up at the face of his best friend. He didn't want to see the panicked look in Declyn's eyes and it was scaring him to see him like that. He couldn't think of what to say in that moment and he felt himself letting out a muffled groan of pain. He didn't want to see Declyn panicking over him and he wished that everything was going to be okay. But he knew that he had to do something before he died.

"D-Declyn...?"

He whispered his name in confusion and heartbreak.

"....I.... didn't want you to see m-me like this. I didn't want you to...."

He let out a small sob and he felt like this was really going to be the end.

[Kotorikun]

"I'm not leaving you out here."

His words cracked from fear and he forced Drew to sit up by putting his hand on his upper back, his other hand pulling on Drew's healthy one.

He didn't want to see him like this, too.

Painkillers, water, antiseptic; Declyn had given him the full treatment before they had gone to sleep. Did he still have a fever? He didn't check.

"Can you get up?" His voice didn't sound like it was ready for the day just yet. "We're going back."

[Primrosette]

Drew felt like his body was refusing to function and that was scaring him a lot more, making his face feel more colder with his salty tears that were falling more. He felt like he was going to be sick again and he was sure that he was sweating more. His injured arm was not responding at all and his legs were shaking too much to move. He was getting more weaker by the second and he knew that he had to tell Declyn the truth that he had hidden for so long from Declyn and himself.

"D-Declyn.... I can't move. Please don't move me. I just want to s-s-stay here with you..."

He gulped down a bit of bile that had been rising up in his throat and he glanced down at their hands that were holding, making him tremble a little. He then give Declyn's hand a weak squeeze and he was slightly relieved that that hand could still respond. Even if it wasn't much and he needed to be honest with the both of them.

"I can't go back.... I don't want C-Cam and Theo to watch me die. I didn't want you to watch me d-d-die."

He went silent for about a minute or so as his mind went into a blank state and he blinked a few times to get himself out of it. He had to concentrate on trying to get his words out and he had to do it before things would get worse for him. He was already starting to wheeze to be able to breathe more and he let out a throaty cough that sounded pretty bad.

"D-Declyn, I never got to.... to tell you.... Did I...?"

[Kotorikun]

And then the weeping started. Weeping for the identity he had always known and seen in Drew’s eyes. It was slowly no more. How long was he going to suffer for? How long had he been suffering? His hand didn’t move away from Drew’s, not an inch.

“Wait, please— wait....”

What for?

“Are you sure? I mean, you can try. You can lean on me and we’ll walk back.”

Declyn’s eyes flashed back and forth between Drew’s arm and face and weak hand and the missing solution he was looking for. Even though it was obvious, and he knew. Knew that Drew was dying slowly.

“Tell... What... me... What do you mean?”

[Primrosette]

Drew closed his eyes for a few seconds and his hold on Declyn's hand didn't let go. He couldn't let go yet and he just shook his head from side to side. They couldn't go back to Camilla and Theo and Drew knew that it was selfish of him to not want to see them before the process of slumber would take over his fading mind. He slowly opened his watery eyes and he glanced more cleanly at Declyn's broken face that was just so.... beautiful.

He didn't know why it had taken him so long to realize the truth of his deeper feelings and all it took was getting shot and thinking through things more. How could he have been so blind to the truth?

"Declyn, I thought.... I thought it was always Cecil that I had been crushing on.... I mean... I-I-I-I was.... He was just a c-crush to me.... But...."

Drew let out a weak cough and he gripped onto Declyn's hand more, feeling more and more scared of what was happening to him.

"H-H-He wasn't the one that I really loved and I h-h-had always been too c-c-cowardly to ask out the g-g-guy that I had f-fallen in-in love with... H-H-Ha, ha..."

He was laughing in clear pain and he showed Declyn a genuine smile.

"...I love.... I-I love you, Declyn."

[Kotorikun]

Just words. There are times when the world is rearranging itself through their power, emitting a specific gravity that needed no proof. Declyn’s lips quivered and he inhaled sharply.

All this time? He felt stupid for not seeing it. And yet Drew had always looked fine when he told him about other guys. Until his serious feelings for Cecil happened, which had brought tension between them. It wasn’t until towards the end of the trip that he had told him about their starting relationship.

Fingers curled on the back of Drew’s neck, he leaned forward until he touched his forehead with his own, gazing into his glassy eyes.

"You're an idiot, Drew," he chuckled, followed by a throaty sob. This wasn’t the progress he had hoped for, but Drew knew that he had used “idiot” as a term of endearment here. There were a lot of things he wanted to say, but there was no need to discuss anything at that moment. Not now, not ... whatever. They would have to do it in another dimension. Was this one lost? Each time a different blow seemed to hold him back. But he didn't want to give up.

He could feel small grains of dirt tickling his fingers, crumbles falling down.

The pain in Drew’s voice made it harder for Declyn to focus. He didn’t want him to suffer. He didn’t deserve it. Not someone who gives you that deep security with a single smile, a silent, reflex-level affirmation that someone is near, that someone cares.

“I love you too.”

It might not be the same kind, but it was pure, precious, passionate. It was a simple response and no other was needed.

[Primrosette]

Drew felt his face crumble when he heard the words that he had longed to hear and he let out a weak giggle out of agony and tiredness. He felt his lips slightly push against Declyn's cheek and he left a slow kiss there for about five seconds or so. It was all that he could do out of love for Declyn and he wished that he didn't have to hurt Declyn like this. He had been the fool who saw a lot of good in others and he knew that there were people who were bad out there. He just hoped that Declyn and the others would stay strong after.... after...

"...Declyn...."

He needed to now tell Declyn to do something that he knew was not fair on him. But he trusted Declyn so much that he wanted him to be the one to do it. One last thing.... He had to tell Declyn to do it for him. He wanted Declyn to live for as long as he can and Drew felt sad that he wouldn't be able to be there with him.

"I-I want you.... you to do something for m-m-me."

He felt like his body was getting more heavier and he wanted to lay back down. He was so, so sleepy.

"I-I want you to s-s-shoot me...."

[Kotorikun]

"....."



Declyn showed no response, except a trembling, fixed gaze down.

[Primrosette]

Drew gulped nervously and his breathing was getting more wheezy.

"D-Declyn...?"

[Kotorikun]

"No."

[Primrosette]

"Declyn...."

[Kotorikun]

"I said......."

His eyes inched towards his gun on his waist, throat tightening.



"........."

[Primrosette]

Drew hated that he was trying to force Declyn to put him out of his misery. He knew that this was a horrible situation and he wished that things could have been different.

"D....Declyn...!"