Lorenzo/a "Ren" Araya

[Yonagoda]

Name: Lorenzo/a “Ren” Mimi Araya
Gender: Genderqueer (AFAB)
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: John Endecott Memorial Academy
Hobbies and Interests: Music, skateboarding, role playing, food culture, self-defense, social media, LGBTQ issues, gaming (especially RPGs)

Appearance: Ren is 5’5'' and about 150 pounds, though they have recently lost some weight due to dieting. They have a soft yet muscular frame, with their fat being distributed in an hourglass shape. Their skin changes from a warm beige in winter to a dark golden shade in the summer but has recently been paler from staying inside more frequently. They are also prone to freckling, mostly on their cheeks and shoulders, and have stretch marks on their hips and the back of their legs. They are Chinese on their mother’s side and mixed African-Latino on their father’s side. Ren is incredibly uncomfortable with most aspects of their physical appearance and deliberately dresses to conceal their body, though because they haven’t come out yet, they have to make do with binding using layered sports bras and appearing androgynous instead of as masculine as they want.

Ren’s face is rounded and frequently commented on to be cute by their mother and her friends. They have upturned, round brown eyes, a snub nose, and an average-sized mouth with full lips. Without much effort being put into maintaining their health, Ren’s teeth are slightly crooked and discolored, although not to a noticeable degree, but they are hyper-aware of their dental health and treat them with whitening toothpaste, to decent success. Their eyebrows are thick and some hairs are out of place without them bothering to pluck them. The same lack of treatment is given to their body hair, which they prefer to hide instead of get rid of. Ren wears their hair in a chin-length bob, naturally curly enough to be considered an afro by some. A few locks are shorter than others, falling into their face and requiring frequent sweeping aside or being clipped into place, neither of which they bother with much. Due to their effort to pass to those that know they’re transmasculine and appear butch to those who don’t, Ren intentionally uses traditionally masculine manners of speech and body language, though their naturally high voice means they can barely achieve androgyny at best.

Ren’s wardrobe is large and varied, but the clothes that they wear frequently are extremely limited by their dysphoria and their mother’s adherence to traditional gender roles. As a result, they tend to stick with the same combinations of button-ups and either jeans or plain dark pants, and avoid makeup or accessorizing much. However, they still carefully choose the colors and prints of their clothes to go well together. Despite their appreciation of many counterculture aesthetics, they are only comfortable with band shirts and wearing all black at best. The only piece of jewelry they regularly wear is a golden laurel bracelet that serves as a reference to their name’s meaning, and even then they frequently take it off or choose to forgo it. Although they have prescription glasses- round and gold-rimmed- for slight nearsightedness caused by a lazy right eye, the condition is mild enough that they usually don't wear them out of comfort.

On the day of the abduction, they were wearing an orange tank top underneath a black short-sleeved button up with a pattern of small yellow-orange and white dots, rings, Xs, and four-point stars on a black background, the design visible under an unzipped black hoodie. They had on worn black jeans that their button-up was tucked in to and black chunky Heelys with the bracelet on their right wrist.

Biography: Assigned female at birth with the name Lorenza, they were born in Salem to Ai-Ching Lee and Roberto Araya in relative financial stability as their only child for most of their childhood. As their mother had suffered from fertility issues, Ren’s birth was a welcome surprise and they were spoiled by their parents, at least materialistically. Ai-Ching had just inherited her parents' Chinese buffet and Roberto is a construction manager at a local land renovation company. Both parents tried to work at home as much as possible to take care of Ren, because they believed that raising them themselves would be better than leaving their child to babysitters and nannies often. Ren was particularly loud and social as a child, albeit rather fleetingly and prone to abandoning friendships when they were bored and exhibited attention-seeking tendencies that went unnoticed until they were older. Even as a child, they were socially malleable and overemotional, and while they managed to rise to popularity by playing pranks and annoying teachers, it left them with an impression that rebellion and being rude was something that others liked.

As a result, when their attention-seeking and pranks started to target their classmates, they weren’t sure why they were being disliked, and retaliated by amping up their antics. In third grade, they publicly broke down in tears after a confrontation that started with them throwing milk on another student turned physical. While their parents regularly excused their actions due to their young age, that was the breaking point for them. They brought them to a behavioral therapist, and, although their parents would claim that they were much more well-behaved after this, Ren themselves felt like the sessions hadn't addressed the root of their issues. Instead of teaching them how to attract attention in a positive manner, they instead socially retreated after overhearing their parents tell the therapist that they struggle to deal with Ren's antics. They took it as a sign that they are unlikable to be around.

Stuck between a need for attention and a lack of any real friends, Ren’s early childhood was miserable and they still consider themselves to be irreparably damaged by the amount of bullying, which was kickstarted by the students that they were making fun of and annoying in the first place. Gradually, Ren began to socially retreat, relying on the internet as a way for them to communicate with others. Ren’s online access was the result of a lack of knowledge on their parents’ part and Ren’s own curiosity. They quickly figured out how to turn SafeSearch off, and while their online activity started innocently with Club Penguin roleplaying, further roleplays they joined on Discord and Tumblr catered to teens and young adults. Ren, who pretended to be older online, was exposed to more mature concepts at an early age, ultimately culminating in them being involved in online sexual roleplaying and other inappropriate communities when they were fourteen after frequent peer pressure from worse-off influences and their own curiosity. Ren knew things that most kids their age shouldn't have known and was incredibly precocious when it comes to more adult subjects- a fact that they have struggled with when they grew older.

Although they quickly realized their discomfort and cut their connections, they still hung out with other, older friends online, where they were introduced to D&D and played electronic versions of board and card games together. They also played video games together, mostly RPGs, which they used to create characters that resembled their ideal versions of themselves for the sake of escapism. As a way to assimilate with these communities, Ren developed a sense of humor that targeted themselves, relishing in the attention they got when they told a good joke but afraid to take shots at others due to not wanting a repeat of what they went through as a third grade. Over time, this habit seeped through to real life conversations, where they would make digs at their own perceived flaws to incite laughter, much to the discomfort of some of their friends. At times, they would exaggerate their issues as both an attention seeking tactic and a way to intensify their jokes, but never saw much harm in that.

During their early teens, when they were the most isolated, Ren began to delve deep into online activism in search of purpose and a need to belong. They first stumbled upon Social Justice as a concept on Pinterest, and formed a small Pinterest board where they repost snippets of Tumblr posts that advocated for equality. Eventually, the contents of the blogs evolved to be mostly centered on LGBTQ activism, which they still engage with.

Ren spent a lot of time building relationships online as what they thought to be “practice,” but in actuality they were surprised that they managed to form real-life friendships at all. The first friends they made were all neighbors and those that sat next to them in school, and they played D&D together with a few of them on weekends. Other than that, however, Ren felt like there was a need for socialization within them that they couldn’t fill. Even though they tried reaching out and talking to others, they struggled with becoming over-invested in the other person, before cutting them off in fear of social rejection. This pattern has left them with a reputation for being flighty and inconsistent to this day.

Body dysmorphia and dysphoria started to manifest at the tail end of middle school. It started with their enrollment into a self-defense class aimed specifically for women, where the constant insistence on their safety being at risk because of their perceived gender made them resent their identity, especially when they’ve always been tomboyish despite their parent’s insistence on traditional gender roles. Even now, they frequently practice kickboxing for self-defense and knowing that they could fend off other people gives them peace of mind against the fear of being assaulted- a fear that only became worse when they became aware of their body and puberty’s effects on it. Ren's parents frequently commented on their body, although without malicious intent, but they feel very affected by them pointing out how they should be more feminine and that kickboxing is making them more masculine and unattractive to boys. However, they didn't dislike the fact that they were called masculine, but the fact that their parents calling attention to gender roles onto them in the first place.

As a way to cope, Ren initially began adopting even more masculine mannerisms and hobbies in hopes that their family would get the hint and stop pestering them, having their dysphoria start out as physical before also turning mental. They began to roleplay as characters that are transgender or non-binary as a way to explore their own gender but other than that, they made efforts to hide their transgender status from the people they knew, both online and in-person, for a long time before they came out to a handful of friends on Discord in order to, in their eyes, fit in with the majority and avoid ridicule. When they make new accounts, they usually present as a male named Lorenzo, and avoid showing their face and voice.

Ren’s tendency to change or hide aspects of themselves for the sake of social conformity shows in their habit of adopting the hobbies and mannerisms of their friends in order to fit in. Some of these hobbies were kept over the years by them. Skateboarding was a way for them to exercise regularly and get around, even though they only picked it up to impress an upperclassman when they were sixteen. Although they feel irrational for believing in this, they feel like skating with their friends help suppress their dysphoria as they picked up a skater boy persona, and makes them feel cooler and more aligned with some of their more popular classmates.

Similarly, they only started to be interested in music when a roleplaying partner suggested making playlists for their characters, and they went along with it just to make them happy only to find a form of self-expression in the hobby. Ren enjoys mental and sensory stimulation such as constantly chewing gum, cracking their joints, and constantly listening to music helps with that. Although hesitant to express their musical opinions, they have made very thorough playlists for occasions such as exercise, studying, and theme songs for their characters. They have a habit of automatically changing their opinion to agree with that of their friends, however, and opinions regarding music are no different. They are more extroverted, enjoying both talking to others about their shared interests and listening in to their classmates’ conversations. Even though they like to listen to drama and ask around, they never wish to actively participate in it, maintaining a neutral stance.

In the beginning of ninth grade, their parents announced that they wanted to adopt. This decision has been in the making for a while now- they wanted to have more children, but the pain of childbirth and fertility issues scared them off. The later arrival of Rosa and Jackson, two children from separated families, were a cause of great stress to Ren. Jackson, who was eight, was put in the system when his parents were arrested for drug charges, while then 12-year-old Rosa’s mother was a 15-year-old when she was born who was pressured by her family to put her up for adoption. Roberto and Ai-Ching were doting on the two, determined to give them a good home, but Ren felt neglected and, despite their guilt at feeling so, was jealous of the two receiving all the attention from their parents. Although glad at the prospect of having new friends and wanting to help them, they had difficulty accepting them as siblings and were frustrated at them, which they tried to hide.

High school, despite their best efforts, ended up becoming relatively underwhelming. Never truly standing out, Ren has resigned themselves to being acquaintances with everyone, never truly feeling like they belonged to any group or subculture. However, in their freshman year, they impulsively picked an aesthetic and an ideal- counterculture and punk- and decided to stick to it, feeling like they shouldn’t spread themselves too thin. They are what most people would consider to be a poser and they knew it. In truth, they aren’t really sure why they are even pretending to be punk rock- the music they make with the guitar and listen to are usually softer in tone, and although rebellion sounds good to them in theory, they found it difficult to actively rebel. The true reason why they are drawn to the alternative community is because of its acceptance of their genderqueer status and the gender nonconformity that the aesthetics allow. While Ren feels much more comfortable being openly queer online and within others that identified themselves as leftist and, optionally, anti-establishment, they are much less open in real life. They have, many times, tried to come out to their parents, but were always shut down with accusations of being too young to know their identity. As a result of the discouragement, they are not out to most of their classmates and only a few know that they are transgender. Although the name is too feminine for their tastes, they still go by "Ren" as a nickname to avoid suspicion instead of "Lorenzo" or another explicitly masculine name. Ren holds the belief that their appearance and non-passing gender identity makes them both unprepared for adjusting to adult life inherently difficult to love and that they'll never truly live a happy life until they transition, which may never happen.

Ren stress eats as a way to deal with stress, but their dysmorphia makes them very uncomfortable with their own curves. Despite their desire to lose weight, Ren enjoys cooking, although only ever making low-calorie foods for themselves, and feel like it was their responsibility to work in the family restaurant. Their parents assure them that they can pick whatever career they want, but they feel bound to familial duty. They work as a chef in the restaurant and feel as if it’s the only available career path for them- their grades are all average at best, especially in math and sciences.

Aside from the restaurant, they also help tutor Rosa and Jackson. Their relationship with their siblings is a little rocky. On the one hand, both of them appear to respect their identity and their life choices. On the other hand, however, Rosa likes to throw parties without telling her siblings and neglects her schoolwork in favor of partying and has become noticeably rebellious, and, by the tail end of the pandemic where she can go out again, promiscuous. Ren helps out at these parties when they have spare time, making snacks and trying to chat up Rosa’s friends, but is worried about their choice of people to hang out with. Although worried about her, Ren themselves does not know how to deal with her, and just tries their best to educate her on how to stay safe and trying to make sure that her friends are all within her age range of 15 to 16. Although they feel vaguely creepy for enjoying the company of younger children, Ren genuinely feels like kids understand them better and that they are easier to talk to, even though at the same time being seen as an authority figure because of their age feels odd to them. Jackson is very quiet, and they feel a little exasperated at his lack of friends and their communication difficulties, but their main concern as of late has been correcting Rosa's behavior more than his. Sometimes, they feel a little jealous of their siblings not only because they seem to be receiving their parents' attention more, but because Rosa seems to be able to seamlessly fit into social situations in a way that Ren isn't able to, and Jackson is a lot more content with being by himself and doesn't let other people's opinions bother him.

Over the pandemic, Ren’s mental health was seriously damaged. Even with their family, they felt incredibly alone. Being stuck with their parents only made everything worse for them- they felt trapped with people who don’t acknowledge their identity and isolated from those that made them feel safe. They started to pick up new hobbies to distract themselves, such as cinematography, in order to boost their online audience and make videos for their friends, but no amount of online conversations and revisiting old video games could make them feel as happy as they were pre-pandemic. They were glad that the whole ordeal is over, but now, the prospect of having only one more year with their classmates scares them. In fact, they are terrified of graduating and having to be alone, because they've put off on coming out and transitioning, reasoning that it's better to do it when they were older, and now that time is rapidly approaching. Although they knew they should be ready for adult life, they still feel immature and unprepared, as if they are still a child.

Advantages: Although never close to any specific groups, Ren is sociable enough that they know most of their grade and has a reputation as somebody who is kind. They are good at saying what others want them to say and take notice of what others think of them, making them somewhat competent at emotional manipulation. Ren has an active interest and knowledge in self-defense and survival, and has slightly paranoid tendencies that may benefit them when those around them are plotting betrayal.
Disadvantages: Ren has low self-esteem and believes that they constantly need to accommodate or help others, to the point of sometimes placing others above themselves. They suffer from social passivity, lack of commitment, and emotional repression and can be easily talked into taking actions that lower their chances of survival, especially by large groups. Although well liked, some classmates have begun to think of them as being mentally unwell due to their jokes or unreliable due to their changing opinions. Ren can be emotionally immature at times and relies on the approval of other people in order to be motivated.

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Hey Yona, before Ren can be given a critique, please make sure that their profile fully adheres to the template. Specifically, it looks like you have a hanging formatting tag after the Biography header that has bolded the rest of the profile, and you have an extra line break between Advantages/Disadvantages. Thanks!

[Yonagoda]

thank u thank u done

this is a disaster from the beginning just like my child

[backslash]

Your Advantage/Disadvantage headers seem to have gotten un-bolded now, so just fix that up and they'll be good for review when they get to the front of the queue.

[Yonagoda]

Done

wow i need a nap from this lol

[Latin For Dragula]

Hello Yona! I'm Paige, I'll be handling Ren's critique. They're temporarily DENIED pending the following edits.

However, they mistakenly brought her to an anger management class, which failed to address their issues, and they came out of the class that summer feeling even worse than before.

The bolded word seems to be a pronoun slip; disregard if Ren uses both she/her and they/them pronouns. I'd like some expansion on why this did not help at all. While Ren does not seem to have anger as a primary cause of their antics anger management is still generally conducted by a behavioral health specialist and it's unlikely that Ren would have been placed in a group setting based on what you've described. It seems more likely they would have been one on one with a therapist. Ren does not seem to continue to get in trouble at school after they socially retreat; what, if not therapy, inspires them to withdraw instead of lashing out?

It's muddy how old Ren is when they start exploring online roleplay. Since you reference Discord they can't be any younger than 12(Discord launched in May of 2015 and it can be argued it didn't start achieving real popularity as a social media app until 2016) which doesn't put them far outside the age range you say their RPs were catered towards, but the way you write this section implies the gap is much larger than that. For instance you say they're only twelve when they join sexual roleplaying and it's implied they've been roleplaying for some time before that. Logistical questions aside I'm not comfortable with how this is framed right now. This timeline likely needs to be moved up along with the rest of the profile so that Ren is older during all of its events if you want to stick to the events as described.

Having done many of the same things Ren is described doing here for many of the same reasons at much the same age, I'm hesitant that this is the proper venue to explore a plotline like this when it seems like a minor footnote in Ren's history. It's later used as justification to challenge their asexuality and explain their discomfort with sexually inappropriate discussions and I think you're playing with very loaded material here for an outcome that is just as easily explained by being a socially introverted teenager. Many people at that age are uncomfortable with these subjects even without being uncertain of their gender, sexuality, presentation, etc. and I'm not seeing what this aspect adds right now since you could cut all reference to it and the profile would essentially be the same. It is my suggestion that you cut this aspect rather than try to expand upon it.

Ren's hobbies are a bit scattered to me for now. Most of them get a sentence or two at most and then disappear, there's not much indication of where they stand on social justice, skateboarding, self defense, etc. in the modern day. Others in their hobbies and interests like socialization aren't really hobbies at all. I would like to see this list trimmed down to just things that are still important, active interests in Ren's life today and have those expanded on so that we know why these are their interests.

That's what I'd like to see on this pass before we get into more nitty gritty content details. Post here when you've made these edits and I'll give them another look!

[Yonagoda]

I tried my best im sorry

edited

[Ruggahissy]

Hello, I've skinned Paige and am wearing their face. I'll be taking over and apologize for the wait. Thanks for being patient with us.

- Capitalize Pintrest, Tumblr, and Discord throughout the profile since they are company names.

- Self defense should be self-defense throughout.

- rpg should be RPG throughout since it's an acronym.

- It would be helpful if you could put the parents’ occupations/ that the are restaurant owners up in the first paragraph with laying out the basic information about Ren and their parents. What kind of restaurant is it?

though their naturally high voice means they can barely achieve androgey at best.

Typo on “androgyny.”

Ren was particularly loud and social as a child, albeit rather fleetingly

Little confused by this phrase. Does this mean they were loud and social fleetingly? So they were only loud and social for a small amount of time?

However, they mistakenly brought them to a behavioral therapist, which they felt like failed to address their issues.

I’m not sure why bringing them to a behavioral therapist was a “mistake.” It sounds like they had behavioral problems. According to the CDC a child behavioral therapist does the following: “The therapist works with parents to learn or improve skills to manage their child's behavior.” It feels like the therapist would help Ren deal with how to attract more positive attention. I know that this was originally a section about anger management, but I feel like this is still a good choice for Ren to see for their issues.

Ren's parents frequently commented on their body, although without malicious intent, but they feel very affected by them pointing out how they should be more feminine and that kickboxing is making them more feminine. However, they didn't dislike the fact that they were called masculine, but the fact that their parents calling attention to gender roles onto them in the first place.

I think there’s a mistake here. It says that their parents are saying kickboxing is making them more feminine and that Ren doesn’t mind being called masculine. Is this supposed to say that the parents are saying that kickboxing is making Ren more masculine and that they don’t mind that?

- I’m a little concerned about Rosa being a promiscuous party animal at the age of 13 or 14. She’s adopted at age 11 when Ren is in 9th grade so if this is taking place when Ren is in 11th grade, Rosa is 13. Is Ren interested in hanging out with 13 year olds as a 17 year old? This section is before the COVID section so I assume this is before senior year.

Ok! I think most of the content things that Paige pointed out were resolved. I'm mostly here to swing the grammar stick. If you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to reach out. I'll do everything I can and thanks again for your patience -- we'll get you on your way ASAP.

[Yonagoda]

Tried to fix these up. Rosa's been aged up, too.

[Ruggahissy]

Be free. Free as the wind blows.

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