Just Another Tuesday

[Fiori]

January 19th 2021.

For the most part, it was just another Tuesday at JEM. Students would arrive in the early morning, discuss what they did for Martin Luther King Day during homeroom, attend their classes, engage in sporting activities, go through all the usual routines before the bell signalled that it was time to head home. No dramatic announcements, big fights or anything of the like. Just another typical Tuesday.

How Cassie Chao wished she could have said the same thing.

It all stemmed from an errant glance at her phone on the bus to school, scrolling through her newsfeed as she usually did in the morning. Mostly the same mix of politics, celebrity gossip and clickbait articles she was used to, but one headline in particular stuck out to her. One that she tried to ignore at first, until the slowly growing pit in her stomach forced her to take another look and read what it had to say. 

It was about the Alpha Variant, the most recent mutation of the Covid-19 virus that had been plaguing her thoughts for nearly a year now, and how it had arrived in Massachusetts during the weekend. She always had mixed feelings about reading up on the pandemic, knowing full well how doing so often fuelled her worries, but she wanted to remain as informed as possible on any important updates. Not that she was too concerned about her own health in the event she got infected, though the things she heard about Long Covid left her in a cold sweat, but the thought of catching and spreading it to her elderly grandmother terrified her. It's the reason why she kept wearing that awful facemask every time she left home, even though she felt like she could hardly breath half the time. She wasn't sure if she could ever forgive herself if she passed it onto her family, or anyone else for that matter.

It certainly didn't help that whenever she'd watch videos by her favourite content creators, or tweets from the influencers she followed, or just browse her usual social media feeds, the same message rang loud and clear: Wearing a mask saved lives. She had taken that message and clung whole-heartedly to it, making every effort she could to be as thoughtful to others as possible. She'd always wash her hands and apply sanitizer at any given opportunity, distance herself from others to the best of her abilities, wear her mask whilst out in public and avoid needlessly touching objects if she could help it. She was determined to do everything she could to keep herself and her family safe, to avoid becoming an unwitting typhoid mary.

During those early months, it wasn't actually so bad, especially since everyone seemed to be on the same page as her. But as the year went on and the lockdown measures became more relaxed, it often felt like most people were starting to ease up a lot more quickly than she was. It had taken her an extra week to be convinced to go back to school when they reopened, still paranoid about catching something from her classmates, many of whom were starting to be more laid back about social distancing and wearing their masks around school. Even on the bus that morning, she found herself sitting not far from classmates who weren't bothering to wear them, prompting her to tug her hoodie over her head and lean as close to the window as she could. 

Her worries died down somewhat once she was at school itself, the day for the most part playing out as it usually did. She spent most of it keeping to herself, somewhat quieter than normal as she went through the motions, staying out of people's way and avoiding conversation as much as possible. She was always a bit of a wallflower anyway, so hardly anyone seemed to notice any difference, save for one fleeting moment when Mrs Perez seemed to pick up that there was something off and asked if she was okay. Even then all she did was nod her head and carry on, after all she just wanted to get through the day as quickly as possible and return home, albeit after making one quick stop down by the waterfront to pick up some fabric she wanted for a personal project. 

When the bell rang and she found herself back on the school bus, she had almost completely forgotten about the newsfeed that morning. She even decided that she'd drop by a Wendy's whilst she was in town, grab something to eat before heading home. But as she sat by the window as she usually did, she would overhear a conversation behind her that caused a tightness to form in her chest.

"Hey, did you hear? One of the teachers called in sick!"
"Oh shit, really? Which one?"
"Not sure, but apparently some of the students from their homeroom called in too, probably caught covid off 'em on Friday!"

Those words stuck with her as she got off the bus, stopping just a few blocks from the waterfront. Had she shared any classes with the infected students last Friday? She didn't think so, but that wasn't much of a reassurance. There was no way they had caught the Alpha Variant already, right? Sure, it was meant to be much more easily transmissible than the last mutation, but they only just heard the news last Sunday! Then again, doesn't it take a while for infections to show up? If they've only picked up a handful now, how many other people have already been infected but didn't know it yet? How many people walking the street were infectious and unknowingly passing it on to everyone they walked past? There could be dozens, maybe even hundreds of infectious people present in Salem alone!

These thoughts kept spiralling in her head as she made her way down the street, her eyes darting from side to side as she went further out of her way than normal to avoid other people, dead set on getting the fabric she needed and getting home as soon as possible. She felt like she was walking through a minefield, every human being around her having the potential to hurt her and her family just by being in their proximity, particularly those who weren't wearing a mask. In her mind, they may as well be waving around a handgun firing shots in all directions, not caring at all about how many grandparents they were sending to hospital or the morgue just because they couldn't be bothered to wear a face covering.

She'd stop as she arrived at the store, staring at the large crowd through the window, unable to bring herself to enter. She couldn't believe how busy it was that afternoon, so many people queuing up to purchase various art supplies, a good third or so not wearing any kind of face covering. No, she didn't need that fabric today after all. Instead she'd turn away and start returning to the bus stop, catch one heading back to her neighbourhood and go home as soon as possible.

But then she felt those familiar stomach pangs, reminding her of how hungry she was. She'd gotten herself excited about the idea of dropping by Wendy's before going home, already thinking about what kind of burger she wanted, cementing that want in her head long before her anxieties started flaring up again. She'd already given up on one of her plans, which was agonizing as it was because she really, really wanted to buy that fabric today. Surely she could just get a quick bite to eat on her way home? That couldn't be too much trouble, could it?

So she made her way down the street before stopping by the local Wendy's, staring through the glass door to see how busy it was. From the look of things there was a group of kids waiting in line behind a young couple, not exactly ideal but it could be worse. Just go in, grab a burger, then head out. Simple. The fact that none of those kids were wearing a mask left her feeling uneasy, but with a deep breath she'd make her way through the door anyway, pushing it open with her shoulder to avoid touching anything with her hands.

Seeing a hand sanitizer bottle on display, she'd instinctively reach out to try and pour some out, only to realise it was empty. Just as well really that she always had some on her, fetching the small bottle she had in her pocket and adding a dollop to her palm, squinting in pain as she rubbed it in. The back of her hands were chapped and raw from when she'd washed them one too many times, exacerbated further by the cold winter weather. She'd make a mental note to ask mom for more hand cream as she joined the line, trying to not stand too close to the group of laughing boys ahead of her. The young couple seemed to be taking a lot longer to make their orders than she was expecting, her breathing growing steadily as she kept her hands firmly in her hoodie pockets. Just wait for these people to get their order, buy her burger, then head off. In and out.

But then she heard the door behind her open, her head turning back to see a large group of workmen enter, none of whom were wearing masks either. She'd turn away from them, her heart pumping rapidly as she felt them gather behind her, prompting her to inch closer to the other group. She could practically feel the man behind her breathing down her neck, the further she moved forward the more they seemed to fill in the space behind her, until she was practically sandwiched between the maskless group of kids in front of her and the maskless adults behind her. 

No! Nonono, she wasn't meant to be this close! Why did they have to stand so close!?!

A part of her wanted to break free, get away from the large crowd she'd found herself stuck in the middle of. But there was no way she could do so without being a huge inconvenience to everyone around her, making her well and truly trapped between the two groups.

Would that even make any difference at that point? If just one of those people were infectious, it could already be too late! She might already be an unwilling carrier, ready to return home and spread it to the rest of her family! For all she knew she might have just condemned her grandmother to a painful death, all so that she could selfishly satisfy her own hunger!

She was starting to pant heavily now, only to then realise that would mean she was potentially inhaling more infectious air than necessary, causing her to briefly hold her breath. But she could only hold it for so long, eventually gasping and taking an even deeper series of breaths, likely breathing in millions of deadly microbes in the process!

Why was she the only one who was so worried right now?!? Didn't these people realise there was a pandemic going on?!? People were dying! Thousands were already dead! There were mass graves in New York! Hospitals were running out of space! Why didn't anyone else here seem to care?!?

The young couple had moved on, the kids now ordering their food, each deciding to take their sweet time customising their meals.

Every second felt like agony as Cassie stared down at the floor, hands clenching, chest tightening, her head feeling dizzy as she struggled to stay still.

Some distant part of her was already berating herself, screaming at her for not being able to do something as simple as buy a stupid burger without having a panic attack. But that voice would be drowned out by another, repeating the same thing over and over, so loud and deafening that she couldn't help but mouth the words as she withdrew into herself.

I want to go home. 
I want to go home. 
I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home iwanttogohomeiwanttogohomeiwanttogohomeiwanttogohome 

I. Want. To. GO. HOME.

When she eventually looked up, Cassie realised she was now at the front of the line, a very confused cashier looking at her with a raised brow. Just as the cashier began to clock that something was amiss, Cassie would take the opportunity to make a mad dash for the exit, violently slamming herself into the door with a harsh thud. In a panic she'd suddenly kick at it, much to the shock of everyone around her, only to then remember that you had to pull it open before reaching out to tug the door free.

She'd rush out into the street, her palm still shaking as she looked down at it like she'd just touched a glowing rod of uranium, scrambling for her bottle of hand sanitizer to drown her potentially infected hand in the stuff. After which she'd start to stumble away, still in a state of shock as she reached down for her phone, avoiding people as best she could as she found herself with tears welling in her eyes. She didn't want people to see her cry, didn't want them to judge her. "Oh, look at that weirdo crying over nothing, how pathetic..." 

Eventually, she'd find herself slumping back against a wall just around the corner, with a large graffiti fresco of Salvador Dali dressed like a superhero painted upon the brickwork. She'd slowly slide down into a sitting position, sniffling as she scrolled through her contact list for the one person she could talk to at a time like this, raising her phone to her ear and praying that they'll answer.

Mercifully, after a few seconds of ringing, she would hear a familiar voice on the other line. 

"Hello? Everything alright, dear?"
"Mom! I-I-I need you to pick me up from the waterfront, I..." she'd stammer, tears starting to run freely.
"What? Honey, whatever is the..."
"PLEASE, MOM! I..." she'd continue, looking around as she tried to hide her face, desperate to not make an even bigger scene than she'd likely already caused. "I... I'm so scared, I..."
"...I'll be there soon as, dear."
"Th-thank you..." she'd whimper, turning the phone off and bursting into tears, leaning back against the wall and burying her face behind her knees as she continued to internally savage herself for not being able to do something so simple. 

Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID!

It was just another Tuesday, alright.