Paprika

[Ruggahissy]

((Josh James continued from Possession ))

Another day had passed. With the passing of the day, another announcement. However, this one was different.

Josh approached the graveyard. The only sound was his footsteps crunching in the snow and dirt.

He kept a keen awareness for noise in case his collar alerted him to something, this being a zone that was normally off limits that he was now allowed in but none came.

Not far away, laying near a headstone, was a gun and a small spread on the ground.

The gun had a tag on it that said “MTs225.” The letters and numbers meant nothing to him. He placed his current gun and his bag on the ground, unzipped his bag, stuffed the new gun inside, then zipped back up.

Josh sat cross-legged on top of a grave and picked up the lobster roll. Next to it was a pitcher with a lid on it that held beer according to Danya.

As Josh munched on his sandwich, he reflected. It was a good lobster roll, so it was a pretty good reward. Everyone would know that he killed someone, and they would know he was rewarded for it.

He felt guilty about losing control, but he also felt a little embarrassed at the idea of having his name blasted out like that with the spotlight shining on him.

Maybe... it wasn’t really his fault though, he rationalized. He didn’t set out to kill anyone. He took the lid off the beer and took a big gulp of it to wash down the last of the lobster roll. He grimaced at the slightly bitter taste at the end of the mouthful, and his head rushed a little. As he swallowed the big lump, his throat hit his collar.

After replacing the lid, he took his index finger and hooked it into the metal ring. The outside of the collar was cold, but the parts that had been touching his skin were very warm.

When he woke up on the first day and realized there was something clamped around his neck, it made him panic. It wasn’t even the fact that it could explode and take his head off that gave him anxiety. The fact that this was just around his neck made him nervous. Give him an ankle bracelet, a belt, anything but this thing encircling his neck. Then, as time went on, he kind of got used to its weight.

It was a little strange seeing all his classmates wearing collars. At first, it made him see all of them as being on the same level under the terrorists. They were all under the terrorists in the hierarchy but… maybe even among them, some of them could be at the top.

He leaned back against a gravestone. His left hand reached into his pocket and took out the rosary. He began to shuffle the beads around.

On his right hand, his index finger traveled around the inside of his collar, feeling the warm metal.

They were going to die here, weren’t they? All but one. He didn’t have any illusions about being that one. His life had been a lot of staying in the lines, following directions, not making a fuss, and what was going to be his reward at the end of all that?

For the first time, he had done whatever he wanted. He never even got to pick out his own clothes and got hand-me-downs -– not just for clothes but for everything. By the time he got to school, even his reputation with teachers was hand-me-down from his brothers. His parents were tired of kids, so he existed as an afterthought in his own house.

These last three days were the most eventful days of his entire life. Since he’d woken up, people noticed him. And now, they’d pay attention to him.

He remembered tugging the back of Dani’s collar.

What if I had rope? he thought suddenly.

Then he thought, Why did I think that?

Josh discretely looked around. No one.

He bit his thumbnail and deliberated. This was the only time that he knew for certain no one could walk up to him suddenly. Only he was allowed here; it was his place. He might never have this again.

He swallowed hard and pulled down the zipper of his jeans.

This wasn’t something he did much. He lived in a house full of boys, so privacy wasn’t easy to come by. Other guys teased him sometimes, asking if he even knew what sex was.

“Mmm,” he replied, noncommittally.

“Like, probably only from health class. He’s a goody-two-shoes. Little boy scout. Innocent church boy,” someone said.

“He probably thinks holding hands is second base!” said someone else. Laughter.

It wasn’t exactly true, but he didn’t say anything to the contrary.

He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. His hand, which was wrapped in the rosary, moved instead down past his waist and gripped, rolling the beads over himself, up and down slowly. The sensation made him shudder.

When he and Dani were together, he had…

Fun.

It felt like there was a weight on his chest now.

She was pretty, sure. She had big eyes, really nice, soft tits. But his favorite part was that she tried to seduce him out of desperation. She wanted to live. It had been up to him whether or not she did at that moment.

In his imagination, he had the rope he wanted. He fed it through her collar. And he could yank it.

His breathing became heavy.

Josh pulled the rope and brought her to kneel by his side. She stumbled and fell by him, looking up somewhat resentfully. He pulled his own collar and imagined being her, being tugged. The thought of subjugation pushed him closer.

The thought of imposing what he wanted on other people, and maybe even corrupting someone, made his fingers tingle and his face flush. He yanked again and she landed in his lap. Hesitantly she took the beads from him and started moving, blushing, features softening.

He could have it here; he could have what he never had before. And he could have fun before he died.

He imagined another rope now. He tugged and brought another face close to his.

“You have your reasons,” said Shu’s soft voice at the end of the chain. He kissed Josh while Dani pumped the beads over him. The other boy tried to move away; Josh grabbed his leash and kissed back harder. A golden halo around Shu illuminated them both.

“Goody-two-shoes,” he whispered.

He couldn’t stop. His fingers gripped the dirt and his body tensed. Warmth rolled over him, then receded into a feeling of relief and well-being. Josh didn't look down, but closed his hand and felt the slippery texture between his fingers. He wiped his hand against the ground.

Wobbling he stood, zipped his pants, and picked up the pitcher of beer. As he stood up, he began drinking more of it, smiling shyly as he did.

Josh noticed a camera while leaving the graveyard, still drinking. Now he wondered how he felt about it, given what he’d just done under its watchful eye.

After a moment of thought he blushed and reached his conclusion just as he exited the graveyard.

He liked being watched.


((Josh James continued in The Fall ))